#it'd be fine but i have been collecting Things and i need me some Space

[keeps-ache]

been so bored and the idea-well has been dry, but for some reason i built a two-story house in minecraft with a neat little tower which is nice

[hankwritten]

y'know whats really suprising (at least to me)? that as far as i can tell, nobody has ever made an rvb/tf2 crossover. when ya get right down to it, theyre both about two teams of color coded idiots fighting over nothing in the middle of nowhere who eventually have to deal with grander threats. maybe theyre not exactly ripe fer a crossover due to the differing time periods, but it could be made to work

I wouldn't go so far as to call them crossovers, but at the very height of being into both tf2 and rvb I stumbled across someone's SFM videos with the audio sourced from rvb (taking audio of comedy skits and making SFMs out of them was its own whole genre, so I'd say it was more in line with that trend than a true attempt to cross the fandoms) In all honesty they were...not very good. But my passion was high and my standards were very low so I watched a lot of not very good SFMs during that time anyway.

I did a bit of preliminary searching, and I found some vids with a similar concept (which are also the same level of Not Very Good) but the exact collection of short videos I didn't find. May be lost to history at this point.

Younger me (<== contained not a single drop of SFM skill at the time) often did fantasize about making tf2 SFM animations But Good. I remember distinctly thinking that the "let me borrow the sniper rifle" bit would translate to tf2 so well, and be super funny. Actually! Demo and Sniper's scene in Territorial Control was based on that long remembered joke, arrived through the ages to take on a life of its own.

Circling back to sort of your original point nonny, I love the few times I've gotten to explain rvb to a friend who's only familiar with tf2. The idea that both canons have a conflict of Red and Blue needing to be kept in the dark that they're being puppet-ed by the same organization is so juicy; also, how rvb both takes people finding out both more seriously and less seriously than tf2. How it's both a joke and no one cares, (Tucker about to reveal it, then getting run over by a car and getting convenient amnesia and the plot moving on since it's for a joke and not *actually* a big deal) but then also when it is For Real revealed MANY seasons later, it leads to Sarge's breakdown and crisis of faith. One of my Sadness over tf2 canon is that this level of gravity is never given to the R/B conflict, it's just sort of quietly set aside in favor Mann vs Machine, which is set aside for Fortress vs Classics, which itself is being set aside in the last issue. Red vs Blue proves that you can move on to bigger and more elaborate conflicts, and you could have given a satisfying resolution to the initial duplicity/intrigue of the pointlessness of their whole war.

Anyway, I don't know if any of the rvb cast would get along w the tf2 mercs since their shtick is hating the world and each other, but I do think it'd be funny if the "everyone likes Donut even people who's whole thing is being a bitch" continued into the new canon. All of the mercs are like. Yeah these multicolored space marines who alternate timelined to New Mexico (alternate timelining into other video games is canon in rvb so fuck yeah) suck major ass. But that pink one. I find him oddly charming for some reason.

Texas gets Worf Effect'd. Her canon powers of "can beat everyone up super easily, but always ends up losing due to These Idiot's Hyjinks" absolutely applies when she inevitably fights the mercs.

Sniper takes Church at face value when he says he's a good sniper and is fine with just sitting around and not talking and killing shit. But as soon as they go somewhere to nest up this blue dude will just not shut up for some reason and Sniper gets fed up with him real fast.

Anyway~ most of my thoughts. I haven't been into rvb in a long time but it was nice to jog these old ideas again.

[scarlettriot]

Breaking Point - Intimacy

Pairing: Hockey Player Eijiro Kirishima x f!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, discussions of sex and intimacy (implied mention of non-consensual sex), minors DNI, body image problems, body objectification mentions.

Contains: Fluff, if you watch/like fairy tail you might be in for a fun surprise

Summary: Dinner, hair dye, and discussions of intimacy in a bathroom. Good times.

WC: 3,326

A/N: Part two of the Breaking Point series. Friendly reminder that this is a quirkless AU, all main characters are at least sophomores in college. Thanks <3

Other Parts Below:

Breaking Point - Part One - Locked Out

Breaking Point - Part ? - Do More (This is just out-of-order smut for the time being)

After asking a handful of times if there was anything he could help you with, the man you offered dinner to finally took a seat on one of the two stools in your kitchen, watching as you poured all the ingredients together and brought the stove to a simmer.

"So, what's it supposed to look like?" You asked, gesturing to his orange hair.

"Red."

"What kind of red?"

"Bright red, like, fruit punch."

You gave the dinner a quick stir and told him you'd be back in a moment. It didn't take you long to find your box of miscellaneous hair dye you kept tucked away in the bottom of your closet.

"I've got this. Not sure if it's the right shade but..." You held up the tube of Matrix dye. "It's not a lot but I bet it'd cover your head just fine."

If you thought his small grin was cute, his full-blown smile was more than enough to make you grin back. "This is actually exactly what I use! You're sure you don't mind? I can pay you for it."

"That's not necessary. Don't worry about it."

Except, he did look worried about it. "You've been really nice. Letting me shower, offering dinner, and now this... I don't feel right accepting all these things and not repaying you in some way." He set the tube down on the counter, insisting he could just wait until his roommates let him back in.

You thought for a moment before settling on, "We can call it even if you can get me down an extra bowl from that top shelf so I don't have to go climbing." He stood with no hesitation and was able to reach the additional bowls with no effort at all.

"Too easy. We aren't nearly even."

"Then maybe you could tell me your name?" You scooped the dinner into the bowls he'd gathered.

"Shit." He muttered, "You let me in here, been so nice and-and I didn't- I'm so sorry! I'm Eijiro Kirishima." He offered you his hand but you just handed him a full bowl of food with a smile instead.

"You don't have to be sorry, Kirishima. I never told you mine either." You led him to the small dining table, telling him yours in return. There were only two chairs and the top of the table was filled with textbooks, binders, and your laptop which probably needed to be charged.

Quickly scrambling to clear some room, Kirishima took your bowl wordlessly so you could use both hands. Setting them both down when space was available and taking a seat in one of the chairs that look entirely too small for him to actually be comfortable.

"Y/N." He spoke your name after you both were seated, rolling it around like an experiment on his tongue and you weren't too sure if you were willing to admit how good it sounded coming from him. "It's nice to meet you, Y/N." You responded in kind but then quickly dug into dinner. "Still aren't even though, if anything, us introducing ourselves just cancels each other out."

Eventually, you agreed over dinner that you would think of something he could do to repay the kindness and let him know but for the time being, he'd drop the subject, and effortlessly dove into another. "So, why the extensive dye collection?'

"I just like changing my hair when the mood strikes me, even this is new." You twirled the end of your own freshly dyed hair. "The red was for a convention I went to over the summer. I really didn't wanna buy a wig." And you certainly didn't regret it since the heat during the con had been scorching on its own, a wig would have been horrible.

A smile spread across his face. "You cosplay?" It took you a beat but you gave a single nod of confirmation. It wasn't that you were ashamed to admit how much you loved going to conventions and dressing up but you were hesitant to talk about it with people you didn't know well. Too many people were critics with harsh beliefs, or loved to make fun of body types in cosplay or, a personal favorite, enjoyed objectifying those in the cosplays.

Kirishima laughed but not in a judgemental kind of way. "I've been going to conventions since I was twelve, I usually cosplay as the comic book hero Crimson Riot but I had to change it up last year 'cause I accidentally bought a bottle of dye... pastel pink. I literally had my shoes back on ready to buy the right color when my friend reminded me of the con later in the week. I dunno if you want anime but we went as Natsu and Grey from-"

"From Fairy Tail." You couldn't help the grin as you plucked the framed photo that stood proudly next to your TV handing it over to him. Huddled together in front of the large hotel stairs, you and two of your closest friends, Setsuna and Nejire were all smooching faces against Nejire's little sister. "We were supposed to have a Lucy too but our friend had a family emergency."

"This is amazing though! You must have spent forever on that Erza armor!"

"I was pretty proud of it."

"And this little kid looks like they're having the time of their lives. Little wings too."

"Hado," You pointed out the woman cosplaying Mirajane, "That's her little sister. She begged and begged to go and we finally let her. This was her first convention."

"So, is costume design what you wanna do then? Your major, I mean."

You set the picture back in its rightful place and gathered the empty bowls while explaining, "Nope, it's just a hobby. My goal is to eventually be a counselor for school-aged children. I'm a psych major." Kirishima hurried after you, insisting on washing the dishes while you put away leftovers.

"Hey me too! But, I wanna go into social work eventually. What courses are you in this semester?"

"Well, for psychology specifically I'm taking social and personality on Mondays and Wednesdays and then-"

"Developmental on Tuesdays and Thursdays at noon, right? I thought you looked familiar! I'm in social and developmental with you."

Shit, he was? The classes were massive lectures and you really didn't pay much attention to anyone in them. "Don't feel bad. We have what, like 75 people in each?" He grabbed the tube of dye from the counter and changed the subject again. "You're sure you don't mind me doing this here? I know it's gettin' kinda late..."

"I'm staying up until my roomie gets home anyways and I have no idea when that'll be. It's not a big deal, really. But, I am a little curious, why are you locked out?"

He rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous laugh. "Well, you see, I uh, got a little mad." You'd only known Kirishima for about an hour now but it was odd to imagine him as anything more than a little annoyed. "I have this math test coming up and I'm shit at the subject. So, I locked myself in my room to study, threw the bleach on my head, and got to work. And then my roommates decided to have their significant others over. They're not a quiet bunch. I asked nicely for them to keep it down, I asked nicely again, and the third time I wasn't so nice. They sorta shoved me out the front door and locked it."

You gathered a couple more old towels and laid them out on the black and white tile of your bathroom floor while he finished his story, "That's kinda harsh. You were just trying to study." Grabbed the developer and started mixing the proper amounts of each into a bowl.

"It's probably because they don't think I'm actually studying. Their idea of it is cramming three hours before an exam and anyone who does it differently is just wasting their time. I barely made it through my first year like that."

"Your friends seem like jerks."

He shrugged. "They are but they're my jerks." You motioned for him to sit on the edge of the tub while you finished stirring the goopy mixture together.

There was going to be barely enough room for the both of you to fit in the bathroom but with him sitting, you bet you could make it work.

"Oh no! You've done so much already! You're not gonna actually put the color on too, I can do that!"

"But... I really like dying people's hair." It was true, you found it very relaxing, but Kirishima's shoulders were ridged. His back went instantly straight and it was painfully obvious how uncomfortable he was with the very idea, "But I shouldn't have assumed that would be okay." You added in a hurry. "I'm really sorry about that. I'll, uh, be out in the living room when you're done." You left the bowl of dye on the counter and left the room without another word, kicking yourself nearly the whole way down the hall.

>>><<<

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You muttered while putting away the box of hair products back in your closet under your row of shoes. Re-shelving the things you'd knocked over in your haste earlier.

You busied yourself further by scrolling through your phone, anything you could do to distract yourself from the awkward situation down the hall! Then an idea popped into your head. You opened the text chain between your best friend and roomie. The last message received this morning at 10:47 AM:

Suka: Gonna try to be home by 9.

You: Yay! Dinner?

Suka: If you're cooking, I'll never turn it down.

It was nearing midnight and there was still no word from her. You tried to call but it rang through to voicemail and so you pulled up the texts again.

You: Still coming back tonight? I made your fav. Gimme a heads up and I'll make sure it's warm for ya!

"Y/N?" Kirishima's voice carried through the apartment and you were almost too nervous to go see what he needed but, with your gathered courage, you slipped your phone into your back pocket and went to the bathroom door.

"Yea?" You stood at a comfortable distance in the hall.

"I always have a problem getting my roots totally covered and you said you like dying hair so I thought that maybe you could just check and see if I got them? It's hard when it's your own head, ya know?" His posture was still too stiff for your liking but he was the one asking.

Kirishima managed to just it mostly covered, clearly, this wasn't his first time dying his hair but there were a few spots that could be better saturated. You took up the brush and painted the color before running your fingers through his hair just to make sure nothing else was missed, nearly breathing a sigh of relief when his shoulders finally relaxed.

You didn't have gloves, meaning your hands were going to be stained a wonderful shade of pink for the next couple of days but that didn't really bother you. You brushed back some of his hair away from his forehead and froze.

A throaty moan bubbled out from Kirishima making your hands instantly still in his hair and his fly to cover his mouth. You had no idea it was even possible for a guy as large as him to look so flustered, so utterly embarrassed.

"Y/N! Fucking hell! I'm so sorry. I didn't -"

"I didn't realize, Kirishima! Shit! I'm really sor-"

"- make it fuckin' awkward. That's why I didn't know if I should let you in the first place but ya look so sad -"

Both of you paused your rambled apologies, cheeks as red as the dye on his head, and then simultaneously busted out laughing.

"Okay, okay," You were starting to catch your breath again, "I think you're all covered but I wanna make sure it's off your face, is it okay if I do that?"

His throat bobbed and shoulders went tight again but, "Yeah, I'll, uh, be more careful this time. 'M really sorry again."

"It really doesn't bother me, Kirishima, I promise. I don't take it personally."

You took up a washcloth and started to clean up around his ears and neck where the dye had touched his skin. "I barely let anyone mess with my hair 'cause of it." He admitted, "Feels so nice but, damn, it's embarrassing."

"Can I be blunt?" He gave you permission. You explained about the spa trip you'd gone on with your friends when you were sixteen, how it was your very first time getting a massage, "This woman's hands dug into my back and I made a noise that was so unbelievably suggestive, I was mortified!" He chuckled, "Yeah, now it's funny, but sixteen-year-old me was in a panic! The masseuse was kind though, she told me we cannot help what makes us feel good and that the difference is in the intent." He craned his neck back while you wiped his forehead, watching you closely, "My intent is just to dye your hair, that doesn't change the fact you like your hair played with though. You can let out a moan and enjoy the feel of it but it's far different than if I was doing it for... intimate reasons."

"Can I be blunt?" He was still looking up at you when you gave him the okay, "This feels kinda intimate."

"Of course it does!" You smiled at the pink washing over his cheeks again. "You're being vulnerable, sitting in my bathroom with my hands all in your hair! But, you're obviously comfortable and relaxed to some extent, which, thank you? Ha. Something can be intimate without being sexual. If it makes you any better, I'd feel the same if the roles were reversed."

"But, intimacy is a part of sex..."

You weren't too sure if that was a statement or a question but responded the only way you knew how. "Yeah, that's not always true. It's really sweet you think that way though." Kirishima furrowed his brow as if to say he didn't understand. "Alright, what do you believe intimacy to be, Kirishima?"

He thought for a moment, carefully choosing his words, "I think it's a feeling of closeness and or familiarity to a person, place, or situation."

"Right. So, if you and I, two people who are arguably a tad more than strangers, fucked right now, how would that be intimate?"

Pink rapidly turned bright red at your suggestion but that didn't stop him from adding to the scenario, swinging his legs around so he was facing you now while you leaned over the tub to wash your hands. "Because it is an act of being close, of gaining that familiarity and learning about someone on a deeper level."

You backed up, coming to rest on the closed toilet, knees bumping against his. "And what if it wasn't wanted?"

"But why would- oh." It seemed what you were leading to finally sank in. "It all depends on intent." Circling back around to your original point.

"Exactly."

"Well," He gave a half-hearted chuckle, "It's the weekend and I'm still learning new things."

Your phone chiming was a welcomed distraction to clear the awkwardness out of the room. You pulled it from your pocket with still wet hands. "Everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, sorta. My roommate has been having some family stuff going on. She was supposed to be back tonight but she's just now leaving, it's like a two-hour drive and she's just letting me know. I don't really like sleeping when I know someones suppose to be home but they aren't."

He nodded, looking down at his feet, "But, come on, you've got forty minutes on that, and sitting on the tub's edge the whole time will just give you a sore back." You held your hands out to help him up, "I know from experience."

>>><<<

"They aren't gonna leave you locked out all night, are they?"

It was close to two in the morning. Kirishima had time to wash the dye from his hair and even dry it. Lucky man didn't even have any breakage from the bleach though he insisted he had you to thank for that.

Now you two sat on your sofa, a faded blue but still so damn comfortable Itsuka refused to get rid of it and you couldn't blame her. A bowl of popcorn separated you two watching a randomly selected episode of Fairy Tail though neither of you were paying much attention. Too busy chatting about classes and other various (more light-heart than the bathroom) topics.

He'd gone to check on his roommates once after his hair was washed and again after your first episode of the show. Both times, you stood in your own doorway watching to see if he'd be granted access and both times he came moseying back like a lost puppy, an apology on his lips for taking up more of your time.

You'd even given him your phone to try and call them but they weren't responding to that either.

Kirishima was going to make it up to you somehow, he promised that at least a dozen times now, he just didn't know how yet.

"Probably not. Unless they fell asleep and just left the door locked which could have happened. If, whenever you kick me out they still aren't opening up, I'll just go over to a buddy's or my cousin's house and crash on his sofa for the night. No big deal."

"It's already two though, are they going to still be awake?"

"Probably not." He laughed, "One likes to go to sleep as early as possible so, he'd probably threaten to blast my face off or something if I wake him up and my cousin, well, he's had a long weekend helping his girlfriend out back in her hometown. If he's back, he's probably dead tired."

"Well, if for some reason they don't-"

"No." He cut you off.

"No what!"

"Listen, I've known you for," He glanced at the green numbers of your clock, "Four-ish hours now, and that's plenty of time for me to know you're way too kind a person for your own good! You're gonna say if they don't let you stay, just come back here."

You folded your arms and put on a pretend pout. "And what would be so wrong with that? Have a not been a good host thus far?"

"You've been a magnificent host thus far! Really! And have I mentioned how thankful I am? Because I really am! But, I can't actually stay the night. I feel like that's crossing a line that I just shouldn't do."

"And I can't let you just have no place to sleep for the night! What kinda friend would I be if I let you do that?"

He stared at you for a minute, a slow grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, "Friend huh?"

"I mean, I guess, what kind of person would I be?"

"No, no, friends, I'd like that."

"Friends then."

Both your heads turned when a key turned in your deadbolt. About damn time Itsuka got home! You'd already started reheating dinner for her just in case she was hungry even though you assumed she would probably head straight for the shower and then off to bed.

"Hey, babe! How was the drive?"

Her backpack fell to the ground with a heavy thud and she flipped her copper ponytail over her shoulder.

"Long, boring, there's nothing good on the radio after midnight." She complained and then finally looked up. You were ready to introduce Kirishima, your new friend but,

"Kendo?"

"Kiri?"

It would seem they were already acquainted.

[elriel-oblivion]

So it's been four days so here's part two 😁 Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who read/liked/commented/reblogged the last part! It was such an amazing response, especially given it was my first time posting my writing here, so thanks for all the love you shared 🥰🥰

Heads up, this part is actually part one from Elain's pov. Initially I wanted to continue from where the last part left off in Elain's pov, but as I was writing the background, I realised I'd written too much to just skip when Az gets to the estate and cut straight into a continuation of part one, so I ended up rewriting the whole thing in her view. So there's no new elriel moments, but you'll get a lot of new stuff anyway 😅 I would've said you don't have to read this part to understand part three, but when I was rereading the later parts a few hours ago, I realised there's some stuff that alludes to things in this part, so I strongly recommend you don't skip this 😅😅

Also, wow, some of my fave paragraphs I've ever written are in this part 😁 Bonus points if you can find them; there are four I'm thinking of in particular 😉

Word count: ~ 3.1K. Lemme know if you'd like to be tagged/removed 😊 Next part up in two or three days 😊

AO3

Ashes from the Deep

Part II

__

It had been a pretty uneventful day as Elain worked through her new plant textbook. Feyre and Rhysand had decided to spend the weekend away at the mountain cabin, Cassian and Nesta were away doing things she wished not to think of, and Mor was at the Winter Court.

Amren had only been round in the mornings, probably to check Elain was still alive. She'd glance round the living room, examine some of those fine crystal glasses in the display cabinet and then leave. There was no difference today, though Elain always felt Amren's scrutiny upon her even when that muted silver gaze was directed elsewhere; perusing Rhys' wine collection had become a tired ruse.

So besides preparing and taking her meals with Nuala and Cerridwen, Elain had spent her afternoon with her book, making notes and copying drawings. The twins had gone off on some errands, so she'd wandered into the garden at some point to tend to her many plants, telling them how lovely they each were. The crocuses looked particularly stunning this autumn day, their pale violet colour breathing life into the shades beneath some of the trees.

With her book, she'd identified new weeds, digging into the soil to rip some pesky ones out. Sometimes she didn't want the help of a tool; sometimes she needed to feel those roots on her bare skin.

Harvesting the carrots and beetroot was also on the agenda today, along with seeding for some spectacular displays next year. She'd been collecting the seeds from some of her summer blooms, like those soft clouds of baby's breath, saving them to replant. These she sowed directly into ground she'd prepared days before, her fingers digging into the crumbly clumps of earth.

Autumn onions she'd plant tomorrow, perhaps. Feyre always remarked on how their strong taste complimented meats well, so Elain wanted to harvest some fresh for her sister for once. It'd take a few months of waiting, but there was little else better than picking out and eating food one had grown with their bare hands and the essential ingredients of love and care.

Setting her book on the patio table, Elain surveyed the garden. It was a good day's work. Plants watered and sown, weeds uprooted, and hands sweaty and soiled, Elain was proud of what she'd achieved today. There were no distractions, nothing to take her from the one thing she always found satisfaction in.

After a long shower, she found herself back in the garden with a cup of tea and a blanket. The sunset washed the sky in a blaze of red and orange glory before it yielded to the cool tones of twilight then night. Elain sat in silence, hands wrapped around her mug. How long would it be until someone's arms were wrapped around her, until she felt the warmth her sisters finally had?

Silly, these thoughts. Immortality stretched far ahead, there would be time to develop that companionship. Months and years were but a heartbeat in the life of a High Fae. She wouldn't even notice the years pass.

Or so everybody else kept saying.

With her tea finished, she perused the book of recipes she'd borrowed from Nuala. Some recipes jumped out, ingredients for which she'd been growing for a few months now. Pumpkin pie sounded especially delightful, the gourd having almost darkened and hardened to ripe quality just a couple days ago. They should be ready for harvest tomorrow.

A chill wind sent Elain inside to prepare and have her dinner in pleasant silence. Even her mind was quiet tonight. After washing her dishes, she stood by a bay window, fingers idly tapping the windowsill.

Faelights bobbed like tiny lamps, dotted through the garden. The full moon was now high in the sky, its ghostly glow illuminating the datura flowers she'd seeded half a year ago. She pulled on her blanket and went out again for a better look at those gorgeous blooms, the petals opening only at night.

Elain couldn't be happier she'd found seeds of a triple-flowered variety. They'd grown to produce large trumpets, three layers of petals ruffled against each other. Somehow she thought of her sisters as she crouched and stared at the flowers, each layer so similar, yet fighting for space and breath as it unfurled before another. It was only when they were all fully open that they could sigh along the night breeze as one, an ethereal song of togetherness, tinged with notes of poignancy, only heard by those with the will to look deeper.

The white petals were stained with velvet violet, a true vision in her garden. While the others had given her passing compliments on the flowers, Azriel had seemed stunned the first time he saw them, citing them his favourite of all the plants Elain had grown so far. Something about their shape and contrasting colours, he'd mentioned.

She smiled fondly at the memory, where his eyes sparkled as he reached for one of the soft petals.

Her hand lashed out to grab his wrist. 'Don't touch them; the leaves and stems are highly poisonous.'

His brows rose. 'You wouldn't think that at first sight. But they're beautiful, Elain. Truly magnificent,' he said, his smooth voice so low, a voice that was night given sound. And how befitting, as even those datura flowers seemed enraptured by his presence, one shy petal finally unfurling towards him.

She beamed at him. 'They like you. Flowers like it when you talk to and compliment them - but these ones haven't given me the same reaction as they have to you. I think they really like you, Azriel.'

His answering smile was heartbreakingly tender.

A few more seconds passed before she realised she still held his wrist. She silently let go.

It was a shame she'd have to dig out the datura shrub and move it inside for the winter; it did look magnificent in the moonlight.

The sky shifted past its midnight velvet, and still Elain crouched, admiring the flowers. She shivered in the night's chill. The stars above twinkled and glistened, cold and distant as ever, yet stunning - infinitely more striking than they'd ever been when she was human. A thousand different colours sparkled in that vast expanse, the moon a phosphorescent queen in the centre of her court.

The Night Court truly lived up to its name in the wee hours of the day. Its opulence never failed to mesmerise her; the enhanced Fae eyesight was at least one thing she was grateful for from this body.

Her eyelids became heavy and she yawned. Why was she still out here? It was late into the night; she should be in bed by now. But the night was so beautiful and it was so quiet and she wanted to appreciate it all just once. Just once without the expectations of others, without having to wear that miserable smile all the time.

Of course, it didn't look miserable, which is probably why almost nobody ever bothered to look deeper into Elain. She should be used to it by now, but it still felt - wrong. That most overlooked her so long as she wore a smile. That most didn't think her capable of feeling the utter bitterness and loneliness she had once seen so plain on her sisters' faces.

And in acknowledgement of her sisters' hardships, Elain didn't fault them for not looking, for not seeing her. To see past the thick blanket of darkness in one's own mind was a trial in itself. But it had been years since the war now. And still they didn't notice.

They didn't notice that Elain was being shredded from the inside out.

It was almost laughable. But not funny enough.

No, it was not funny that people still treated Elain like a child, that people wanted to keep Elain in some weird impasse of a stage between child and adult. She'd thought finally carrying out her duty and giving her hand in marriage would show everyone that she was growing up: Elain Archeron, middle born but first married. Of course it was still on her own terms, to a man whom she'd loved. A man who'd seen her through the rubble of her family's lives. But she'd overall hoped doing what was expected of her would be enough.

Clearly not. She didn't even know who she was any more. Did she ever? Everything she'd once yearned for, gone. That fragile human life would soon be just a speck on the horizon of her past.

She sighed. Rebuilding herself was going to take a long time.

But what would she have to do for people to see her, to listen to her? Throw a rage? Fall into a drunken stupor and break a few dozen bottles?

She definitely could, but those were not her. She was Elain Archeron. And so she would wait. Patience wasn't a bad thing at all; she saw it on the shadowsinger's face all the time, that tranquility and calmness she so wished to feel inside.

Azriel. Her heart softened as he entered her mind again, and she dug her fingers into the soil, if only to occupy her fidgety hands. As sure as the chaos of her visions these days, there was a mess of butterflies related to him she wasn't willing to show. Or understand.

Elain and the spymaster? Now that was laughable. Truly laughable. He was wise and patient, while she - well, everyone already thought her a child, and though he listened like no other around her, surely even he couldn't glimpse the adult she so desperately wanted everyone to see.

No, it was foolish to entertain the idea of a relationship with him. No matter how much he saw.

No matter that he was the first to see her since Graysen.

Elain exhaled. She stifled another yawn, smoothing out the soil, then brushed her hands clean. She wrapped the blanket closer around herself and stood. Twinkling stars and velvety darkness and -

There, a knot of shadows materialising at the far edge of the garden, collecting and swirling into a larger mass before Azriel himself stepped out and sagged against a tree. His shadows whirled and obscured him, a dark fire with him burning at the core.

Elain's voice left her throat before she even thought to call him and she ran over to his figure slumped in the dimness.

She couldn't help but say his name again as she neared. 'Azriel!'

Those beautiful hands fiddled with a Siphon, but he looked even worse up close. Fatigue dragged at his body, a second weight to all the muscle and armour he already had to carry. Sweat and dirt clung to him, his hair. At least the shadows were parting, swallowing each other and misting away as they often did around her. Perhaps she should ask someday why they did that. But not today, not when his breathing was so laboured.

She raised a hand - to do what, she had no idea. She couldn't just touch him right now. 'You don't look okay.'

Something else limned his features as he huffed a light laugh and said, 'I'm fine, don't worry.' His voice was raw, so starkly different to its usual icy smoothness. It was common for him to guard his emotions, but in his state, this kind of thinking was just unhealthy. What would it take for him to be honest with her?

'You don't have to pretend with me, Azriel,' she said, lowering her hand. She studied the ground, embarrassed that she'd come up to him. What could she even offer in her pathetic childlike state when he was so clearly affected by his mission right now?

His hand rose. Her heart faltered, she had to do something, and she blurted, 'Can I wash your hair, please?'

His eyes widened, his entire composure crumbling. It wasn't often that the shadowsinger looked startled, but Elain was far too shy to show that she quite liked the effect her question had on him.

'You want to wash my hair?'

His face was so exquisite, it hurt to look at it. His eyes would be even worse; it wouldn't be the first time she was rendered speechless by their kind gaze. A myriad of colours swirled in their glistening depths - gorgeous greens and brilliant browns, all so natural and rich, if only she could look at them long enough to find their matches in the garden around her. Though, his eyes were an entire spectrum of colour in their own right. How would she ever pick out each and every shade?

And if she somehow did have the courage to meet his eyes now, what would she see of herself in their reflection?

A lovesick puppy? A doe-eyed, fearful fawn?

No, she didn't want to know.

So she swallowed and focused on his hair. Perhaps this Fae eyesight was a curse, for even his hair was shockingly fascinating. Only flat black from a distance, the faelights bobbing about the trees highlighted layer upon layer of silky raven locks up close. His hair was so dark it seemed to absorb the surrounding light. Mud stained one side of his head, and it was an effort to keep her hands from brushing it away, so she said, 'I'm positive that's mud and you shouldn't sleep with that in your hair. It'll only take a few minutes.'

He ran a hand through his hair, clumps of dirt falling out.

'You've managed to get some on your face, too.' There were light specks of mud and blood across his face, a more noticeable patch along his cheekbone, thrown into sharper relief by the faelights and his own weariness. Was that a cut beneath the patch? And another on his temple?

She leashed her arms.

What had happened? He wore the signs of a fight, but why would he come here when he knew Elain was the only one home?

His eyes bored into her face, but she refused to meet them. He seemed to lean forward then, stumbling.

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous that he wouldn't even acknowledge he was in need. Azriel rarely stumbled. Any fatigue Elain had felt just a while ago was now burrowing down a little longer. Her voice was firm when she spoke. 'I'm washing your hair. It'll help relax you into falling asleep.'

His brows rose, but if Elain stood there one more moment she wouldn't have the courage to do anything for him. For herself - she could take care of someone else. She could do for Azriel what she hadn't done for Feyre all those years as a human.

And for Azriel, she could tend to the male who'd provided her with comfort and safety in this world of distress and danger.

So she pulled him along, clenching her jaw and refusing to look back. Her heart hammered in her chest but she continued, hand wrapped round his armoured arm. Her hand slid down to his wrist but just as she was about to replace her grip, he grabbed her other hand and pulled her into him.

The shadows instantly began to ensconce them, dozens of those cool tendrils twining like vines. The estate loomed huge before them, and Elain gripped Azriel's hand tighter. 

'My bathroom,' she said. Beneath the low whisper of those shadows, her blood thrummed, her heart so painfully obvious against her ribs now. It would be a wonder if the spymaster wasn't aware of it. Though she did hear another flutter above, right by her ear. But as expected, the shadows made quick work of their journey and she didn't have the chance to dwell on it further.

Now out of the comfort of Azriel's hold, Elain set down her blanket and made to grab a chair from her bedroom. His dark presence was so overwhelming that she exhaled lightly as she entered the room and took the chair. She dragged it to the sink, avoiding his gaze, and pulled a towel, soap and a large jug from the cupboard by the door.

As she settled the soap and jug on the sink, she dared a glance at him. He was still clad in full armour, those black scales gleaming like obsidian over his skin, his Siphons glistening jewels across his body. 'I think you'll have to collapse your armour for this,' she said.

He inclined his head and tapped a Siphon, those scales lashing back into each other with cruel elegance. They were a mirror of their master: cold, controlled and unyielding, forged from scintillating darkness. He was a night sky riddled with stars; light existed if only one bothered to look for it.

Azriel's great wings righted themselves as he stood straight, now looking smaller in just his black tunic and trousers. Something about him seemed vulnerable without the armour, so Elain breathed, 'It's beautiful, all of it.' The hulking armour, the classic simplicity of the tunic and trousers, and the male who wore them all.

He was just so wonderful, Azriel. An enigma that could see her own. Her heart clenched.

Azriel rustled his wings, colour blossoming on his cheeks.

Elain blinked and pulled the chair out a little. 'Please sit.' As he sunk down, she rested the towel on his shoulders, hovering her fingers above his forehead. Her body tensed and her fingers remained suspended. It was like a spark of tension flickered in the space between their skin, teasing her, tempting her, taunting her.

After all, she'd offered to wash his hair, an act that would certainly require touching. But why was she so hesitant? She'd touched him before - kissed his cheek, even. Although that had been in the heat of adrenaline, a mark of her gratitude where a simple thank you wouldn't suffice, not for risking his own life for hers.

This was - what was this?

She finally lowered her fingers through that tense spark, pushing his head back against the sink. It was exhilarating, this contact, but he lowered his wings, shifting on the seat. Elain moved into the space he gave, turning on the tap as he went still. Just as her body was taut, taut as the skin of a drum.

She checked the water. Warm. It was time to start.

Azriel was looking up at her. Something like yearning swirled in his eyes.

He looked so tired. It made her heart ache.

'You can close your eyes,' Elain whispered. And he did.

___

Feedback's welcomed; thanks for reading 😊

If anyone wants to know what the datura flowers look like, CTTO:

@illyrian-lover-flower @julesherondalex @nooriee @mis-lil-red @verifiefangirl @tswaney17

[justmeandmysickies]

Em, I'm here to request my favourite trope, and that is the ✨stress stomach ache✨ Maybe two of your boys are out on a date, but one of them is extremely anxious about something that's been happening at work; he tries his best to not let it ruin the evening, but racing thoughts and an upset stomach eventually overwhelm him and he admits to his partner that he's not doing so well (I'm imagining sick/stressed Naoko, but please choose whoever you think it'd work for!)

Flick, you are an angel, thanks for the request. This was my first time writing this trope and I'm not really satisfied with how it turned out but I hope you can still enjoy it somehow!

For reference: Marissa is Naoko's superior/boss

Stress

characters: Sevan and Naoko warnings: implied emeto, mention of food, slight angst (I think?)

“Babe? Babe! Are you listening?”

“Hm?” Naoko questioned as he finally looked up from his hands.

“So you weren’t listening.” Sevan sighed. “What’s going on with you today?”

Naoko jumped a little at the question. He thought he’d been subtle. The couple was currently out on their first date night in forever and both men had been looking forward to this evening. Unfortunately, Naoko was not enjoying himself as much as he’d liked.

“Nothing baby, really. Work was hard, that’s all.” Naoko tried to reason, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

Sevan raised his eyebrows at that. His boyfriend was obviously keeping something from him. He also hadn’t missed the hand Naoko protectively kept on his stomach. “Work is always hard for you, babe but you never get like this.”

“Like what?”

“You’re fidgety, distracted and you seem uncomfortable. Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” Sevan asked nervously.

“No! Baby, no. I just had a really hard day. I’m fine though, I promise.” Naoko was trying to sound reassuring, but Sevan could see right through his act. He also knew however, that his boyfriend was stubborn. Too stubborn to admit something was bothering him, so Sevan decided to drop the matter.

While Sevan went back to digging into his delicious meal, Naoko was barely picking at his. His stomach was in knots and it was starting to get really painful.

Due to Covid life at the hospital was upside down and today had been especially bad. Naoko had double as many patients to tend to and double as many shifts to cover. It was only a matter of time until a mistake was going to be made, and today might have been the day.

Nao winced as a cramp shot through his abdomen. What if he really had messed up today? What if he was going to lose his job? What was he supposed to do then? What if-

Naoko hadn’t even realized he’d spaced out again until Sevan gently nudged his arm.

“Baby, talk to me please. You look like you’re about to have a panic attack.” Sevan was getting really worried. His boyfriend was pale and sweating, his breathing was quick and shallow, and his hand was now clenching at his stomach.

“Today-“ Naoko trailed off, taking a deep breath, trying his best to collect himself. “I messed up today.”

“What do you mean you messed up?” Sevan asked, gently encouraging his boyfriend to keep talking.

“A guy came into the ER for stomach pain. He looked okay, so I told him to sit down and wait. It was full as always, so it took a while until we could get to him. He repeatedly asked me to speed things up and I was getting agitated at that because I was obviously busy as hell and he looked fine! I just figured he was being whiny. So I let him wait. Then suddenly the guy starts screaming out of nowhere. Turns out he had acute appendicitis and his appendix burst in the waiting room.” Naoko stopped talking, once again closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath.

“Okay and how is the guy now?” Sevan asked, not quite understanding the problem.

“He is fine. He’ll be discharged in a couple of days.”

“Alright but then what are you so worked up about?” Sevan wondered aloud.

Naoko’s eyes widened at the question. “What am I worked up about? The guy’s appendix burst because of me! I’m supposed to see stuff like that coming! It’s my job to evaluate the severity of a patient’s condition and to make sure they get the help they need! And today I failed! The guy could sue the hospital for that! I could lose my job and-“

“Okay baby, breathe. It’ll be okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. And I’m sure Marissa agrees with me on that. You’re a good and competent nurse. Very, very overworked but nonetheless competent.”

“Marissa said the same thing.” Nao mumbled. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he finally started to calm down after his little rant. Apparently getting this off his chest was much more helpful than he had anticipated.

“She also told me to stop worrying.” Now that he was calming down all his focus shifted to his stomach. It was hurting so much he was getting nauseous and the steak in front of him made an offending sight.

“Then what the hell are you still worried about? Jesus Christ, I thought you killed someone or something like that.” Sevan laughed, gently rubbing up and down Naoko’s shoulder.

Nao joined the laughter, suddenly feeling ridiculous about his outbreak. He didn’t know either what was bothering him so much. Maybe he really was simply overworked.

Then another wave of pain made it’s way through his stomach, so intense Naoko doubled over, panting slightly.

Sevan stopped laughing immediately. “Does it hurt bad?” He asked, noting the obvious pain his boyfriend was in. Naoko has always been prone to stress-induced stomach aches, but they rarely got this bad.

Nao nodded, straightening up slightly. “Yeah, it’s kinda bad. Guess I got myself pretty worked up.” He chuckled dryly.

Sevan bit his lip. “Do you feel like you’re gonna throw up?”

Naoko didn’t really want to think about that right now but the both of them knew there was a very real chance of exactly that happening.

“Maybe, I’m not quite sure.” He stopped, considering the way he was feeling at the moment. “I do feel pretty sick.”

“Alright.” Sevan stated, rubbing his hands together. “We’re leaving.”

“No! No, I’ll be fine! We are supposed to be enjoying tonight!”

“Baby, I won’t be enjoying myself knowing you are anxious and in pain. And judging by everything that happened tonight you desperately need some sleep. Let’s go home, I’ll rub your stomach for you and hopefully put you to sleep.” Sevan said, already getting up to leave.

“That actually sounds kind of nice.” Naoko sighed a little. He’d tried to keep up a façade all evening to make sure Sevan had a great night but going to bed honestly sounded like heaven right now.

And that is how they found themselves in their car on their way home.

“I’m sorry for ruining date night. It’s gonna be a while until we’ll be able to do this again.”

Sevan looked over at his boyfriend, who fortunately seemed to be doing slightly better already. He still had a careful hand on his stomach, but he luckily had some color back to his face.

“It’s alright, I just want you to feel better. You’ve been working way too much lately so a relaxing night at home is probably good for you. Besides, every night I spent with you is date night. I don’t need fancy restaurants and expensive food to enjoy your company.”

“Aw, that was the sweetest thing you ever said to me. Turns out you do love me after all.” Naoko joked, earning himself a half-hearted slap on the shoulder.

Yes, his boyfriend really did love him.

[bookwyrminspiration]

(Ophelia) I’d be happy to see any of your grandmother’s works if you’d want to show them. (This is in response to what you said in the tags of our previous conversation.) If you no longer feel comfortable showing it that’s okay too, opinions change over time. Either way, I’m sure the bears look lovely as they are your grandmother’s handiwork. Also, Happy Holidays if there are any that you celebrate at this time. That might sound a bit strange to say after the rest of this message, I’m sorry if it does.

oh hello ophelia!! that's very sweet of you, and I'd love to show some of my grandma's work! I don't have access to a lot of it, seeing as I live halfway across the country and also she wasn't well enough to make things for the last several years, but I do have a few things that I can show!

(I'm putting this under a readmore so I don't take up space with the photos! and also me talking)

[ID: Two white bear-like stuffed animals sitting with each other in a chair. One is a lot bigger than the other, about the size of a child. The body is stuffed a lot more than the legs and arms, making it very round. It wears nothing but a homemade hat and bowtie, a faint smile on its face. The second bear is very similar, only closer to a normal stuffed animal size and sitting in the lap of the first bear. This one wears a plain red hair with a purple plume and stripped overalls. A green tie is attached to the front and all items of clothing are made by my grandma. /End ID.]

These are the bears that I mentioned in the other post!! They're bears closer to the way a teddy bear is a bear and not like an actual bear, but they've been around for as long as I can remember. They're probably older than me. And also they do have ears you just can't really see them! My sister and I each have a specific thing associated with grandma's house from all our visits. Mine is the clock that tells time that doesn't exist (now that I type this I'm realizing I don't think I've actually mentioned that on tumblr, only on discord. so if I haven't and you'd like an explanation I'd be more than happy to!! it was always one of my favorite parts of visiting) and my sister's are these two bears.

We always stay in the same room when we visit (as in we sleep together in the same room, and the room we stay in is the same every time), and both the clock and the bears are located in said room. There's actually a huge collection of dolls that my grandma made that are currently just sitting on a the shelves in her sewing room. Wait hang on I think I actually have a picture I can add.

[ID: A very cluttered collection of shelves. Every available surface has some kind of doll or stuffed animal on it, things with faces like scarecrows, others with bodies like mice and bears, others similar to cabbage patch dolls. All are made by my grandma. It's not clear in the picutre, but the area is very dusty and looks like it shouldn't be disturbed. /End ID.]

So these are the kinds of things she would make! Well, one small section of the things she made. She made a lot of clothes, too. Anything sewing related. She made quilts (i'll get to that later) and dresses and pants and shirts and vests and aprons. In fact, the only apron I've ever had that I can remember was made by her. It's still hanging in the kitchen for whenever I need it, I just don't usually wear an apron when I bake.

Going back to the clothes thing, I wasn't around enough for her to really make me a wardrobe the way she did for my mom as a kid, but she would always make my sister and I these pajama dresses. She'd make us one every Christmas and I wore them so much. There was this one with heart fabric that I loved so much I wore it even when the cuffs fell off after so many washes (idk why we didn't just...repair the before they got to that stage, but it's fine!) I still have one of them in my dresser, but I haven't worn it in a long time. It'd probably be really short on me now (not completely unwearable, just teetering on the edge), but I wore them so much as a kid. I don't have a photo of it though.

but back to the bears real quick! I got distracted by the dolls

[ID: A close up photo of the hat the large bear was wearing in the first photo. It's covered in sewing materials like buttons, a pin cushion, and spools of various colored threads. Instead of a ribbon, a tape measure is wrapped around the base. The pattern of the base fabric isn't obvious, but it seems to be several different floral fabrics. /End ID.]

This is the hat that the big bear wears!! I think it's interesting enough to get it's own photo because it looks so cool. I don't think it would ever be practical for an actual person to wear, but it's great for the bear! and seeing as she worked at fabric stores for like a decade and a half, she had a lot of access to things like pin cushions and spools of thread. I mean, she's also got a ton of them in her sewing room, but she always preferred the magnetic pin holders and liked to use the thread to actually sew things.

I actually sewed with her at least once, but never anything like this. I wasn't experienced enough at the time, so she was mainly showing me how to use this hemming machine. I'd used a regular sewing machine before (and still use it to this day), but not the hemming one. You know how clothes sometimes have that hem that looks all loopy and crossed over itself? that's what the machine does. I'd like to have one, but I don't sew enough at the moment to justify it. I' good with the Bernina my family has, which is like a 1008 or something.

But moving on!

[ID: A quilt on my bed with a repeating pattern. The backgroung is a bunch of various colored small squares in cool colors. The squares don't really have patterns, but are more demure. This allows the yellow four-pointed stars to stand out more, and they are evenly spaced throughout the entire quilt.]

This! this quilt is the main thing I have that my grandma made. As a seamstress, she decided that she wanted to make each of her grandchildren a quilt. There are seven of us, so we each got a quilt. Mine is currently on my bed (there was a period of time where I would have it intentionally upside down because I liked the back fabric), but my sister's is stored away so I don't remember what it looks like. I also don't think I've ever seen my cousins' quilts at all, but I know we all have them.

The quilt has a little tag in the corner that isn't picture that has my name on it with a little Love Grandma on it. Well, it has my deadname, but that's because she made it before I changed my name. I actually have a few children's books sewn by her with my deadname too, but that's from when I was like a toddler so I don't mind.

I've made a quilt before myself, but never anything like this. I made a small tessellation quilt for a project in 4th grade (yea, that was an assigned project in fourth grade for some reason) and another more freestyle one for a contest in 5th grade, which I won 1st place in. But those were on a much smaller scale than this quilt.

When I was younger I loved to find the mistakes in the quilt, because even experts mess things up sometimes. In a quilt with a repeating pattern like this, the mistakes are the orientations of some of the quilt squares, so the stars and their points don't all line up properly. And given that it is a repeating pattern, it would take me a few minutes to find them each time because everything blends together and also I would forget where the mistakes were.

so those are a few of the things my grandma made that we have around the house. There are others like our sewing bag and all the photos my parents probably have of those pajama dresses, but I hope you enjoyed at least part of it! She was an incredibly talented seamstress and loved everything to do with sewing. She even requested that an image of a sewing machine be put on her headstone, though I don't think that's been done yet.

It's because of her that I got introduced to some of the crafts I enjoy like latchhooking and crossstitching, so it's nice to be able to share some of her crafts.

And happy holidays to you, too! My family isn't huge on Christmas (it technically isn't our holiday as we're baha'i, but we have enough family and friends who celebrate that we get sucked in and just go with it). And it's not a weird thing to say after that message! If you celebrate Christmas, I hope you enjoyed it <33