#it's been *looks at scrawled ink smudges on my arm* 14yrs???
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took 30pts of psychic damage today in visiting my old online stomping grounds
#escritos#i've held onto this vague memory of what i was like when i was younger but i didn't know just how relevant the parallels would be#it's been *looks at scrawled ink smudges on my arm* 14yrs???#it feels like it's easiest to project the more memorable and defining moments into the past 5yrs though...as if they're a lot more recent#rinse and repeat#possibly because i go through these periods where it's reaaally hard to feel like a person and i wind up back at act 1 scene 1#in the familiarity of going through something big in my life and needing to figure out how to come back from it (stronger + insightful etc)#despite how much more refined and evolved i know i am now#it's a little embarrassing albeit endearing to actually read back on all of my younger unfiltered thoughts though#bittersweet in knowing where i was and where i've gone#i can't really do much about what's happened inbetween the years of thinking i was suffering#in contrast with the realized distinction of *knowing* i really have suffered since then#but even now i can make up for it by viewing that person as an extension of myself and taking care of them#even if i can't go back in time and make things right for whatever moments of the past were too unbearable to them#i'm just so willing to offer myself a patience i didn't even know i could extend inwards while shedding remnants of shame#i guess it's some like...ouroboros of self-love? lol
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