#it's been 7 years and i haven't recovered from it lol. i still automatically stop myself whenever i so much as feel good
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saying "I've been pavlov'ed into unhappiness" is such a weird sentence i hate that it's true
#i wish i could go back in time and murder these psychiatrists who misdiagnosed me and gave me the wrong treatment#it's been 7 years and i haven't recovered from it lol. i still automatically stop myself whenever i so much as feel good#or my brain will switch to emergency mode bc that's what they forced me to do for a few months 🤨#how the fuck do you even unlearn it. every time i feel good i start panicking and it's gone. i can't even take a break and enjoy it#this is such a specific problem too ajskflglh idk if any therapist out there would even know how the fuck to deal with that 😭#man sorry. had a psychiatrist meeting in the morning and we talked abt therapy and it made me panic and it's only now fully hitting me#vent#negative //#boo not to sound like a broken record but i should just die 😒 i will never have a fulfilling life anyway like that's already gone#just a pathetic miserable existence no matter how you cut it. we're just prolonging the inevitable. i should end it already 🙄
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