#it's clown husbandry all over again

[morphiinelollipop]

oh HELL no clown core is NOT happening guys we cannot let clowncore happen I REJECT it

[chrf-honk]

To whomever may feel curious or concerned;

I've decided while running on no sleep that with the birth of this blog I may as well explain the reasoning of its existence. Simply put, I'm looking to collect all forms of Clown information, from clown care to clown controversy. But all this information will have purpose, I assure you. Beyond compiling all the information available about the Clown Husbandry scene/industry just for the hell of it, I have plans. Big plans.

As for the formatting and presentation of this blog, I am hoping to improve it over time, Tumblr was never much my go to for social media, unfortunately. I will by trying my hardest to make it look better over time, and will also hopefully get around to making matching social media pages on other platforms/sites.

That aside, again, I've got plans, I've got a project that I'm very excited to attempt putting together. if anyone has any cool information they think would be a great addition to the collection of Clown Husbandry information that I will be resharing here, feel free to dm me about it! The more information the merrier!

[romanianwilkinson]

DISCORD SERVER SENTENCE STARTERS

A collection of quotes from my Discord server with friends. Feel free to change pronouns/wording as desired. CONTENT WARNING(S) FOR: Suggestive, crude, absolutely cursed.

“ Is this my wife? ”

“ It's important that I marry the all seeing eldritch abomination that's gonna destroy the universe. I love you but not right now. ”

“ YOUR MOUTH IS FULL OF CURSED WORDS AND TREACHERY HISSED BETWEEN YOUR HORRIBLE NEEDLE TEETH. ”

“ You do not get to directly, purposely help with ending the world. ”

“ You know what I change my mind fuck you. ”

“ He's had ~intercourse~ but he hasn't fucked. ”

“ You don't wanna kill your parasite book friend do you? ”

“ So basically anytime anyone shares that one poem about a two faced calf! Remember! That calf will die because of too much Sonic the Hedgehog! ”

“ I hate One (1) Green Fuck with a PASSION. ”

“ Help I got 4k hd-ed to death. ”

“ You’re horrible. You’re terrible. You’re absolute fucking garbage and I fucking love it. ”

“ [NAME], your jesterhood fills me with dread emotions that I cannot describe. ”

“ SHE’S LIKE A MILF WHO HATES KIDS! ”

“ And I will casually dunk on [NAME]. ”

“ I THOUGHT YOU WERE APPLYING THAT TROPE TO SHREK AND NOW I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHREK HAS HAD SEX. CURSED. ”

“ YOU ATE MY DAD. AND EVEN IF IT TAKES ALL WEEK, IM GONNA EAT YOU TOO, BITCH. ”

“ Isn't putting cocaine into somebody's food too mild of a prank? ”

" Would you like to see bones, child? "

“ Once again you have asked me a question about gender, and once again I must say... Probably? ”

“ My children multiply and I support them. ”

“ I’M A JEANIUS! ”

“ He doesnt have a dick as far as I’m concerned. ”

“ [NAME], you absolutely stupid toddler. ”

“ But if I ended the universe how would I touch [NAME]'s hot super soldier body? ”

“ Fuck Grammarly, all my homies hate Grammarly. ”

" I'm so sorry this fanfic parody got out of hand. I'm not even actively writing it anymore it's somehow gained sentience PLEASE kill it. "

“ THIS IS THE DARKEST TIMELINE, ACTUALLY! ”

" Actually decomposing into a skeleton rapidly because of an elder god is fine in comparison to this fucking drivel you've forced me to read with mine own eyes WHY would you DO THIS- "

“ Y’ALL MY M&MS ARE MELTING THIS SHIT CURSED TOO. ”

“ NO I HATE IT WHY’D I OFFER THAT? ”

“ I got summoned here and now I’m scared. ”

“ The cross feels less cursed because it raises less questions to me. ”

“ We're getting robbed. ”

" We say the funny fuck word and that is the peak of our humor. "

“ [NAME] Gets Eaten Alive By His Classmates. ”

" We are the transgenders.... "

" Hey kids, just here to say that please do not fucking vore me... Thanks! "

" Guess they don't call her the chosen one for nothin', huh? "

“ The evil has vanished. ”

“ We love them but just, sometimes awful things are piled at our door. ”

“ Y'all remember Spicy [NAME]? I remember Spicy [NAME]. ”

“ Okay just for the record I am totally a GILF. "

“ Very fair, MILFHunter. ”

“ [NAME] is a specialist in clown husbandry and their care. ”

“ You are very welcome, my fellow clown enthusiasts! ”

“ The clownverse consumes me now. ”

“ There could be a jester here, as we speak. ”

"I AM [NAME], MOTHER OF CLOWNS. "

“ I have to call myself for a rules lawyering hold on. "

“ This just says Ms. Steal Your Girl? ”

“ Guess I’ll date! ”

“ Sorry [NAME], no dinner. They were going to make it but they looked into each others’ eyes and now the stove is on fire while they’re kissing against the counter. ”

" [NAME], where are the post actual relationship starting walkthroughs? I need the Elite Strats. "

“ THE GUSHERS BOX HAS BECOME TOO POWERFUL TO BE CONTAINED. ”

“ Are you straight or are you normal? ”

" Those traitorous scum from Limp Biskut will be next! "

“ I DON'T KIN VEGETA! ”

“ AND GORILLAS ARE NOT EASY TO MOUNT! ”

“ Here’s how we fix next year: I need 8 trillion tons of dirt and some duck tape. ”

“ Step one: we eat the dirt. ”

“ Oh fuck - IM ALREADY A CONTAINMENT PROCEDURE! ”

“ You will be responsible for murdering a cat. Are you willing to have that blood on your hands? ”

“ If all I got out of murdering you was the knowledge that you were too much of a bottom to face me, then I would happily murder you ten thousand times over. ”

“ Since when have I ever obeyed the law? ”

“ NO MISTAKES FOR BABY, ONLY SLEEP. ”

“ I DO NOT NEED BED, I WANT TO SLEEP ON THE CURB!!! ”

“ Don’t summon demons. You’re better than that. ”

“ Why is no one talking about the Weed Tree? ”

“ Either way - someone fucked a mermaid. ”

[wiitchb-tch]

thanks strange aeons for introducing me to clown husbandry, now im interested in it. this is the furbies all over again.

[cynicalrainbows]

This is NOT AT ALL projection but.... Cathy loves the Clown Husbandry memes and thinks they’re the funniest thing ever and literally no one else in the house gets it. Like Jane tolerates it the best, nodding in a ‘That’s nice, dear’ way when Cathy tries to show her stuff on her phone, whereas Anne is just bluntly like ‘If you say another word about Domestic Breeds of Clown, you will never see me naked again and that’s a promise’ and Kitty shrieks and says it’s horrifying and clowns are obviously evil and Not To Be Joked About and Anna just looks at her blankly, like ‘....I don’t understand what you’re saying or why. I’m going to go over there now.’

Catalina just full on says she’ll find a new goddaughter if Cathy doesn’t stop it and don’t think I won’t, don’t test me querida-

[poopy-pants-gremlin]

Might delete this later idk, but I was tagged by @naia10101 , and if you tag me in something I feel it's my duty to do it. 

Your name and what you would have named yourself

My real name is Garthamon the Destroyer, and I've always loved the name Tyler for some reason. That's why I named my lil baby Tyler (rip) 

Astrological sign

I stan Buffo the Toad 

When did you join Tumblr and why?

Earlier this year I think? Because I love me some Goblincore, Clown husbandry and Vulture Culture and I wanted to get in on that.

Top 5 fandoms

I mean, the only fandom I've ever fully considered myself a part of and am still very much active in is REDACTED .Other then that I'm definitely the kind of fan who loves to therorise and appreciate fan art, but I don't really interact with other fans. I'm mega into Gravity Falls, BBC Ghosts and The Mystery Skulls Ghost videos. 

Top 5 movies

GREMLINS 2!!!!! OH MY LORD GREMLINS 2!!!! THAT'S MY DREAM PROJECT!! JUST BASICALLY MESSING AROUND WITH PUPPETS!!!! ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

The Shape of Water, Dirty Dancing, Deadpool and Deadpool 2 

Fun fact about me - I can recite the first Spongebob movie off by heart 

Go to song when you want to feel

WE'RE NO STRANGERS TO LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEE 😭

YOU KNOW THE RULES

AND SO DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 😭😭😭

I do have a sad bois playlist but that's PRIVATE 

What is your religion or faith if you have one?

[NOPE]

Do you have a type?

Short, green and say NYA NYA NYA 

What does your heart/soul yearn for?

👏 GEN 👏 4 👏 REMAKES 👏

[I was a fool blinded by my hybris]

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone you don’t know

I'd say "Shiny things and animals please" 

Favourite subject in school?

Computing, because Mr Gordon was Rad!

ALSO THE PUPPETRY UNIT IN COLLEGE, YEAAHHHH BAABBBIIEEEEE!!!!!!

Top 5 fictional characters

Uuuumm I mean I love The Faun and the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth, the Amphibian man from the Shape of Water and the Brain Gremlin from Gremlins 2 but that's because I fangirl over practical effects. 

And obviously I love all the ghosts from BBC's ghosts

Top 3 moments that made you ugly cry

The end of the John Lewis 2011 Christmas advert, The canyon jump in Spirit and when I booted up Pokémon Diamond for the first time in years 

The earth, the sun, the moon or the stars

MMOOONNNAAAAHHHHHH

Favourite kind of weather

Snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Favourite medium of art?

Umm… the best one? And the only correct answer to this question????

PUPPETS BABBBIIIIEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Introvert/ambivert/extrovert

Depends on my mood tbh

A favourite literary quote?

“Sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic badger to make it in this crazy game called life”

Some of your favourite books

I don't really read that much anymore. I loved the How to Train Your Dragon series as a kid, and I genuinely love Of Mice and Men, The Lord of the Flies and To Kill a Mockingbird but they all make me cry and now I don't need to read them for work I'll probably never put myself through that again.

I'll tell you a book I HATE! Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, if you're ever told to read it RUN! 5 YEARS!!!! 5 BLOOMIN YEARS I HAD TO RE READ IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

One specific house, overlooking a specific harbour in Scotland.

I baggsied it, I baggsie it every year, thems the rules!

If you could live in any time in history when would it be?

If this is a "go back in time and do what you want, it doesn't affect the future" situation I'd 100% love to go on a prehistoric roadtrip and visit as much as pre human history as I could, maybe take a couple of animals back like a Mammoth or two to save the species??

Nigel Marvin… I'd like to be Nigel Marvin 

If you could play any instrument masterfully what would it be?

I feel like this is a personal attack on me, I will play the drums again I swear but thems loud bois and I live in a terrace house! 

If you have one, what mythological gods/goddesses do you feel a connection to

Uuuuummmmmm none really, I am very much oooohhh the Fae though.

And lastly, favourite recent selfie on your camera roll

[amusewithaview]

Demon Summoning 401 (MCU gone wildly AU)

This was it, the class that the entire cohort had been anticipating since they each received their invitations to study at Shield Academy.  Shield was the only institution in the nation that even offered 401, and its entire program was built around that fact.  401 was where you learned how to summon Extra-Planar beings, known colloquially as ‘demons’, categorized as Class 10.  The ability to summon a Class 10 was not a question of skill or practice, but one of power: you either had it or you didn’t.  No amount of working, wishing, or wailing would change it.

Power wasn’t enough to strike a good bargain, though.  Hence the Academies.  No summoning was ever allowed, of demons of any Class, until the basics had been addressed.  For those able to call the lower-tier demons, this included Basic Demonology, History, Linguistics, Ethics, Husbandry and the like.  For those able to reach the higher levels, far more instruction was required, the lessons increasing in complexity exponentially for each accessible demonic realm.

All students at Shield were able to summon Class 10 demons by nature, but careful nurturing was required in order to make sure they didn’t strike a stupid bargain.  Dying at the hands of an irate demon was the least of the consequences one could incur with a shoddy summoning.

Darcy’s cohort was relatively large, with seven total.  Jane was their scientist, and a member of an older summoning family.  Pepper was their businesswoman, and the first of a new summoning line.  It might have been awkward for her if Peter wasn’t also in their cohort - also the first, but with a far more tragic origin.  He was their class clown, the glue that held them together, though it was a role he happily shared with Sam.  Sam’s line was younger, having originated during WW1.  Helen and Rhodey were their legacies, both with summoning lines so old the origins were largely lost to time.

Darcy was a bit of a mystery, having been adopted by completely vanilla mortal parents.  It was an unusual circumstance, since the summoning families tended to keep pretty good track of their offspring.  Fostering was not uncommon if a child was unwanted.  The mystery was part of the reason Darcy had decided to go through with the whole summoning thing.  Nobody on Earth seemed to want to step up to claim her parentage, maybe she’d luck out in one of the other planes.

Demons were, by and large, significantly better at keeping track of the summoning lineages, with hilarious and occasionally soap opera worthy results.

“I’ve gone over your circles,” Professor Coulson said.  “And I’ve decided-”

Everything froze, nobody even breathed.

“To okay you for summoning today.”

Darcy would have sworn there was an actual breeze what with the way everyone’s breath rushed out of them in a chorus of relief.

“So - who’s first?”

There were three beats of silence, Darcy counted, before -

“If there are no objections,” Pepper said quietly, looking at each of them.  Six clear denials had her smiling softly.  “I’ll go first.”

The circle she had drawn was quite small, modest but finely detailed.  Darcy watched as she went through the motions: candles lit, incense placed, all that remained was the blood - and Darcy winced as Pepper pulled her dagger, annoyed all over again that they were ritually necessary when there were so much easier ways to draw blood - and the incantation.

Pepper had chosen Gaelic as her summoning language, as had Sam.  Darcy and Peter used Latin.  Jane was their lone Ancient Greek summoner.  Rhodey and Helen both used family languages that were otherwise lost to time: the kind only known by scholars and summoners.  A summoning language didn’t need to be dead, it just needed to be something you wouldn’t expect to use in your day-to-day.

Soft murmuring in Gaelic drew Darcy’s attention just in time for her to see a brief flash of cool blue light and suddenly there was a figure standing in the circle.  She was obviously Class 10 from the top of her head to the soles of her feet: while not all of them chose to do so, only Class 10 demons could assume a human guise.

“Well done,” the demon said, smiling fondly down at the summoner on her knees just outside the circle.

Pepper grinned right back.  “It’s good to see you, grandmother.”

The demon folded herself into a cross-legged position, suddenly all business in a way that showed the relation between the two even moreso than their similarly-colored hair.  “Now then, what can I do for you today?  I know this is your first time, so the contract will be short.  You will summon me so we can catch up later though, yes?”

“Under the supervision of an Academy instructor, of course.”

“Of course.”

They exchanged eerily similar smiles.

“If I may make a suggestion,” Professor Coulson broke in.

“You may,” the demon said.

“We’ve got a few potential wild cards in the room.  Would you mind sticking around for the rest of the lesson to assist in case of any emergency?”

The demon narrowed her eyes at him, though the twist of her lips said ‘playful.’  “What will you give me for my aid, summoners?” she murmured.

“Your contract is solely with the one who drew the circle.  I made no summons, I make no bargain.”

“Cautious, clever, and correct,” the demon crooned approvingly, then turned back to Pepper and was all business again.  “It is good to see that you have worthy teachers,” she said, voice warm.  “I will stay for the duration of the lesson, provide aid should any currently in this room be in danger of bodily harm by that which they summon, and in exchange you will call on me again within the fortnight to have a proper catch-up.”

Pepper’s eyes slanted towards the Professor, who nodded.  “Done and done,” she said, reaching across the circle with her bloodied hand to shake on it.  The demon clasped her hand and, with a soft tug that seemed to make the air ripple, allowed herself to be pulled out of the circle.

The duo stood and the demon immediately pulled Pepper in for a hug.

After a moment, they parted, though each kept an arm around the other’s waist.  “Everyone, this is my grandmother, Natasha of the Shadows.  Grandma, this is my cohort.”

Natasha looked everyone over with sharp green eyes, lingering on Peter, Rhodey and - to her private alarm - Darcy.  “An interesting group.”

“Who’s next?” Professor Coulson asked.

[trentteti]

The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette, Episode 3

Rachel Lindsay is a practicing attorney who once took the LSAT. And you, dear reader, are an aspiring attorney who will soon take the LSAT. Rachel Lindsay is also an aspiring married person, serving as the bachelorette on this season of The Bachelorette, the love story these depraved times deserve. And you, dear reader, may also be an aspiring married person? Either way, you definitely have at least a few things in common with Rachel. So every Tuesday, we’re going to be tracking Rachel’s romantic journey on The Bachelorette, and see what we can learn about love, loss, and the LSAT. Welcome back to the Logical Rose-ning Section.

Last time: Rachel tested the contestants’ abilities in “husbandry.” Most of the guys are awkward dorks. There was a boring controversy over whether a catchphrase-spouting guy who was literally wearing a tank top he’s trying to sell to you is there for, you guessed it, the “right reasons. Kareem Abdul Jabbar showed up to watch some of the guys play ball, but considering the appearance of DeMario’s side girl Lexi, you wonder if they had Kareem confused with Wilt Chamberlain. Rachel showed some impressive lawyer skills when mediating between DeMario and Lexi, and then dismissed DeMario with righteous fury. Obviously DeMario respected her wishes and the legal concept of res judicata and left. JK, he showed up again to plead his case.

DeMario shows back up

We pick up right where we left off last week, with the opposite-of-triumphant return of DeMario. Rachel deigns to meet with him. And, to his credit, DeMario starts off pretty well with a polite handshake and an explanation about how he should have been more truthful to Rachel, whose motto is to “always keep it 100.” He drops a quote about how life’s joy requires experiencing pain. He explains how he hope joy will come from this painful experience. But then DeMario gets increasingly desperate and starts rambling about his Uber driver’s advice and completely loses the thread. Know when to end closing arguments, dude.

Rachel, whip-smart as she is, sees through all of this. She says, “I need a man who, when confronted with a difficult situation, doesn’t lie about it.” She can’t get passed DeMario’s initial response to seeing Lexi on the group date, which was basically the live equivalent of dropping a “New phone who dis?”

Then Rachel really drops some fury. My episode notes at this point just read “Dayumn girl.” Rachel tells DeMario that his quote about needing pain to experience joy was cute, but that his hypothetically joyful future is not in the Man-sion. “Forward isn’t that way, it’s that way, outside of this house,” she says.

After Rachel dropped the mic on a dumbfounded DeMario, the remaining guys are all like, “We’re here for you, Rachel.” And she just responds, “I’m good. I’m great.” She is. Rachel doesn’t need you guys. Let’s just kick all the guys off and have a show about Rachel and her dog traveling the world. A Travels with Charlie for the digital age.

Rose Ceremony

The rest of the cocktail party really just shows how not up to Rachel’s level these dudes are. Jonathan wears giant hands? Alex does a Rubik’s cube? Will dunks on a Playskool hoop. Dude, she just kicked off a dude who can dunk on a real hoop.

Blake continues to freaks out about Whaboom. The Whaboom guy tells a bizarre story about Blake standing over Whaboom guy’s bed sensually eating a banana. Blake’s defense is that he doesn’t eat carbs. These guys.

This all a prelude to the rose ceremony, where Rachel will take an axe to some of the chaff remaining in this group. At the ceremony, she apologizes for the DeMario sitch. But she doesn’t apologize for sending these jokers home. And she shouldn’t! Bryan, Bryce, Eric, Anthony (literally don’t remember this guy, he must be new), Will, Jonathan, Jack, Matt, Alex, Adam, Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King (who adorably accepts his rose offer by saying, “How Kenny say no?”), Brady (also don’t remember this guy), noted racist (which should not be surprising given his penchant for Richard Spencer’s haircut) Lee, Iggy, Fred the bad little summer camp boy, and Diggy get roses, joining Piggo Mortensen and DeanBot2000, who received roses on their dates last week.

This leaves Blake, and Whaboom out in the cold. And frankly, that’s fine by me. During the entire ceremony both Whaboom and Blake freak out about how each is much more deserving of Rachel’s affection than the other. Even when Blake is saying his goodbyes to Rachel, he brings up Whaboom. After their confessional interviews, they get into an argument that is literally the exact argument the protagonists of a romantic comedy have before declaring their love. These guys just need to kiss and get it over with. Maybe they’ll leave this show, discover their unbridled passion for each other, and make Whaboom every night under the stars. If and when they do though, it’ll be away from the watchful eye of The Bachelorette cameras. They’re gone. Anyway, drum roll for aspirant drummer Blake and a 12-Whaboom salute for Lucas.

Group Date Number 1

And with that, we are on to the episode’s first group date. The date card invites Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, and Fred along for the ride. The card reads “Lights, Camera, Action. Come join me on the set of Ellen.” They’re going on your mom’s favorite show, Ellen.

On the set of Ellen, Rachel calls Ellen her “spirit animal.” Ellen follows Rachel’s creed of keeping it 100, and gives her unflinching assessment of these clowns. When Rachel tells Ellen about the creepy tickling Jonathan pulled during their first impression meeting, Ellen says, “I don’t like that. Why is he still here?” When Rachel tells Ellen about Will’s Urkel cosplay, Ellen says, “I don’t like that either.”

Once filming of the Ellen show begins—which again, your mom definitely saw, since it is her favorite show—Ellen implores the guys to take their shirts off and dance with the crowd. The guys could not be more eager to oblige her request. Alex, who possesses the physique and Russian heritage of peak Ivan Drago, goes especially crazy, dancing on woman of all ages. Hell nah, Alex, don’t discriminize.

Once things settle down, the guys play “Never have I ever” with Rachel and Ellen. Poor Fred can’t catch a break. He’s already playing at a disadvantage, having been a bad little boy at the summer camp Rachel went to. On syndicated television, Ellen asks about him being a bad little summer camp boy. During the game, it’s revealed that most of his fellow contestants on the date have already kissed Rachel. Later, he awkwardly asks her permission for a kiss. He uses a cheesy pick-up line about how she might catch feelings after the kiss. Rachel then tells him that she still sees him as the bad little summer camp boy, and for that reason, she can’t reciprocate these feelings. She knows all about reciprocity, given that she has that word tattooed on her ribs. Fred is left packing. Alex then gets the group date rose. Sometimes the Russian villain wins.

One-on-One Date

Anthony, who is apparently a human being who has been on this show the entire time, gets the coveted one-on-one date. “Meet me at the Rodeo,” the date card reads. He’s thinking bulls and rodeo clowns and cowboys and horses. Turns out she meant Rodeo Drive (pronounced “Roe-day-oh,” a street in Beverly Hills that’s literally a gilded ode to the conspicuous consumption demanded by late capitalism). But she’s on a horse. Because rodeo. They’re spelled the same. Get it? Get it? You get it.

They take horses around Rodeo Drive as tourists gawk. They buy cowboy boots, tacky shirts, and visit a cupcake ATM. Anthony is very buff and handsome, wears size 13 shoes, and looks very commanding on a horse. But he’s basically a cipher. He feeds a horse a cupcake, and hopes the horse doesn’t defecate in the store. The horse, of course, does. At dinner, he talks about being an “old soul.” That’s about the extent of the banter these two have. I don’t see them going far. Or maybe I’m actually falling for Rachel and view Anthony as a threat? Who can say? Anyway, he gets the rose and they re-enact a scene from memorable Oscar loser La La Land.

A Break for Some LSAT Studying

We’re having fun here with The Bachelorette. Hopefully we’re feeling like we’re unwinding from a hard day of studying for the upcoming LSAT. Taking care of yourself is an important step in the study process, after all. But with the LSAT less than a week away, I know the time spent on The Bachelorette can feel like, at best, a frivolous distraction. At worst, the show can make you feel like it’s actively making you dumber.

But it’s not! In fact, The Bachelorette can help you study for the LSAT. It’s especially helpful in reviewing the common fallacies, a super important skill for Logical Reasoning. Just take a look at all the fallacies committed by the dudes on this show!

Blake: After being booted by Rachel, Blake said, “I really thought that I was going to get the chance to spend more time with Rachel.” Looks like you’re committing a perception vs. reality fallacy, Blakey. Just because you think something is true, doesn’t make it so. And that weak logic is why you’re going home.

Chris Harrison: The nominal host of this program, who got literally five seconds of screentime this episode, said, “Get ready for a date that you can only do in LA” in reference to the Ellen taping. There’s actually two fallacies here. First, Chris Harrison relies a false equivalence. Ellen actually films in Burbank, which, although located in Los Angeles County, is a city separate and distinct from the city of Los Angeles. So that’s an equivocation fallacy. Second, Chris also commits an exclusivity fallacy in assuming that the greater Los Angeles area is the only place Ellen films her show. Ellen has taped her show in New York before.

Alex: In flirting with Rachel, our 80s Russian villain contestant says, “Your left eye goes to your emotions; your right eye goes to logic.” Despite being able to solve a Rubik’s cube, Alex doesn’t display sound logic here. Alex is actually committing an exclusivity fallacy, in assuming that these functions are mutually exclusive.

Anthony: During the one-on-one date on Rodeo drive, Anthony says, “I’m just thinking, [the horses] ate the horse cupcakes. I just hope they don’t let it loose in the store. That’s bad for business.” Here, Anthony is assuming that the cupcakes will cause the horses to defecate in the store. But of course, the cupcakes didn’t necessarily cause the horses to defecate in the store. Actually, the horses are devout Marxists and were merely expressing their displeasure with the store’s vulgar paeans to capitalism. This, of course, is a causation fallacy.

Group Date 2

Back to the show! For the second group date, Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric all get invitations. Iggy is left out in the cold. The card reads, “Sometimes in relationships, the women have to take charge.” These numnuts immediately get sexist, and assume the “charge” is referring to charging items to a credit card during a shopping spree. Women be shoppin’, am I right?

Before the date, Eric begins his slow descent. He’s never been in a relationship before, and he feels like he’s making himself emotionally available to Rachel, but hasn’t seen her live up to her reciprocity tattoo and given herself to Eric. Eric wonders if her heart is in it. Eric then gets into a little tiff with Iggy when Iggy offers unsolicited advice.

On the date, Rachel brings Raven, Corinne, Jasmine, and Alexis—her fellow contestants from last season of The Bachelor. They’re going to give advice to Rachel, despite the fact that Rachel is older, smarter, and more self-assured than all of these women. But hey, they’re her “girls” so they’ll come along for the ride. Raven asks Dean and Lee who is here for the “wrong reasons” and the both say Eric.

For the second week in a row, the group date to be strongly tilted to professional-wrestler-slash-doting-father Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King. They go to a honky tonk where the boys mud wrestle. And for the second week in a row, Kenny doesn’t win. Bryce somehow manages to the muzzle the Pitbull, and takes home the chintzy championship belt that the producers managed to find.

Rachel consults with her “girls” about the contestants, and the girls bring up concerns about Eric. Rachel then bids her girls adieu. Corinne, upon realizing that her time on camera is coming to a sudden and certain end, makes this face:

After the wrestling it’s the after wrestling, and the guys get cleaned up and meet Rachel at a ranch in Agoura Hills for drinks and “deeper” conversation. The plea for “deeper” conversation means different things to different contestants. For Kenny, it means admitting to being a Chippendales dancer and giving her a taste of what he dished out to Bachelorette parties for many years. The other guys have super boring conversations in comparison.

Eric, who has been marked as a “red flag” by the boys and girls of The Bachelorette, admits to being vulnerable. Rachel then goes into lawyer mode again, and refers to statements made by Bryce and Lee about Eric’s “bad motives.” Any 1L could tell you that this evidence is objectionable as hearsay and conjecture, but Eric mostly looks dumbfounded and, increasingly, angry.

After this conversation, Eric confronts Bryce and noted racist Lee. Eric determines that Bryce’s concern genuine, but that noted racist Lee is being very suspicious. Eric says Lee has a lot of snake in his DNA. I mean, do you disagree?

Despite all this, Eric gets the group date rose.

Rose Ceremony

During the second rose ceremony, Iggy and Lee both realize that they’re captaining sinking ships on this show, and try to bring down Eric with them. They both bring up their issues with Eric to Rachel. Namely, that Eric brought up issues about whether Rachel was being genuine about the process. Rachel then wonders if she should have given Eric the rose. She ultimately lets Eric keep the rose, but tells him her “antennae are up” and she’s onto him. Eric then confronts the entire group, and when Lee gets smug in a very serpentine way, Eric gets a little heated. Just when the dramas about to get real, they hit us with the TO BE CONTINUED …

What we learned about love

For Blake, loving Whaboom is the greatest love of all.

What we learned about loss

Being a professional wrestler does not guarantee that you will win a wrestling competition. But Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, you’re still a winner in our hearts.

What we learned about the LSAT

Despite getting a nice common fallacy review this episode, we still don’t have any idea how well Rachel did on the LSAT. However, some internet sleuthing uncovered that the median LSAT score for the Fall 2008 entering class at Marquette Law School—the class that included 2011 graduate Rachel Lindsay—was 157. However, Rachel is a +75-percentile human being if we’ve ever seen one, so our guess is that she scored between the high 150s and mid-160s. We’ll keep you updated on this story as more details become available.

The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette, Episode 3 was originally published on LSAT Blog