#it's like. times these characters are allowed to be hot: 1. when they're in uniform 2. when they're in formalwear

[eugeniedanglars]

why is the costuming department on this show so wack though. why doesn't buck seem to own a single outfit that looks like something a human being would actually wear

[forensicated]

The Bill - Series 1

This should have been a 12-episode series, however it was cut short to 11 by the industrial dispute between Thames and a technicians' union meaning only 11 were completed by the time it went to air. The final 12th episode was rewritten to become the final episode of series 2 instead (The Chief Supers Party)

The strike led to an alteration in the order of the series airing for everywhere in the UK that wasn't London. In the London 'Thames' offices, members of the management aired episodes 2 and 3 (A Friend In Need and Clutching At Straws) in their usual timeslot themselves after the technicians had walked out. However at the other ITV companies (Tyne Tees/Yorkshire etc), the technicians refused to play any Thames Television programmes so episodes 2 and 3 aired at the end of the series after The Sweet Smell Of Failure.

The 'station' was a former cigarette packing warehouse in Wapping on the corner of Pennington St (the cobbles in the credits) and Artichoke Hill. It was so small that the offices doubled as production offices. Using an actual building to film in; although rare in the 80s; rather than a set allowed a feel of realism because the cameras could follow actors out of the station and onto the street.

Karen England and Paul Page Hansen are the credits 'walking feet'. They appear as extras in the first series.

Jon Iles (Dashwood) and Tony Scannell (Roach) were only supposed to be in 2 episodes. The actors were so well-liked on set that they remained.

Larry Dann was only given the job as Peters the day before filming of series 1 began because the original actor kept forgetting his lines.

Robert Pugh refused to commit to a series so Galloway was recast and John Salthouse joined the cast.

Peter Ellis originally auditioned to be in CID but it was thought that he was too old. However, TPTB wanted to keep him on board so they cast him as Superintendent Brownlow.

Peter Dean's character, Sgt Wilding, was changed to Eric Richard's character, Sgt Cryer. In the time between the pilot and the series, Dean had joined EastEnders and couldn't commit to The Bill.

Taffy undergoes a complete name change from Dai Morgan to Francis Edwards. In Woodentop he gives his first name as 'Dai' which is Dafydd or David.

I know it's the 80's but it's jarring just how many are smoking and the amount of moustaches - and that's just the women!

They're still known as Uniform Oscar as they were in Woodentop.

Chris Ellison appears in 3 episodes (one this series and two the next) as 'Tommy Burnside' rather than his identical twin brother (!!) Frank as he becomes. Tommy is nothing like Frank, he's more a weedy pain in the arse.

Funny Old Business: Cops And Robbers

Sgt Bob Cryer arrives at work at 6.25am to find a prisoner being loaded into an ambulance after an epileptic fit. Right from the off Bob is shown as warm and well respected. He greets everyone the same, be it CID officers or the cleaner or a secretary (both of whom he says hello to by name). Sgt Alec Peters explains that the station doctor passed the man off as drunk only when he was brought in by Reg and 'PC Burton'. The doctor could be in quite some hot water...

Jim is clearly more at ease now, however, it's not stated in canon how long has passed since Woodentop. Best guesstimates are approximately 1 to 2 months given Woodentop mentioned school holidays would start soon in the briefing and Bob says that the kids are about to return to school. Both Dave and June bring up the youth that Jim clipped round the ear, Viv calls him 'The New Boy', Jim still refers to Hendon exercises as his experience of riots and rough arrests and he is classed as a new face at a cafe uniform frequent when on the beat. Having said all this, Jim makes his first arrest in this episode so it may be even less time!

Jim and June sort of flirt over how much sugar Jim has in his tea. He's a thoroughbred don't you know 😉. Taffy tells JimJim that he reckons June rather fancies him. Jim is not impressed and tells Taffy off for being crude. He insists he doesn't fancy June, that she's still getting over being messed around by Dave and he'd never get involved with anyone from the job. (*cough*)

The series starts to set Taffy up as a bit of a grump from episode 1, a far cry from the "Cheeky Leeky" he was in Woodentop. He has good reason here though as the National Front has been given the go-ahead to march through Sun Hill which means all leave has now been cancelled until further notice. It was due to be June's first weekend off in months so she's doubly unimpressed at JimJim's reasoning that it's the price of democracy. Things have not improved at all between Dave and June. There is however another female PC (not just the unnamed extra Alec 'coorrrrr'ed' at) as Viv has arrived!

Roy has learned from his mistakes from Woodentop and is attending a uniform briefing. He finds it absolutely riveting.

Roy tells uniform to keep an eye out for properties with new double glazing as CID believes they're being targeted in burglaries. He warns them not to touch anything but to remain on scene until CID arrives if they come across one. Bob and Roy have more of a jovial frenemy relationship than Jack and the old Roy did.

"Sometimes Roy, only sometimes, you can be almost human!" Bob is amused when he takes a burglary to Roy that matches the MO that he'd asked uniform to look out for. Roy actually thanks him - now there's a first! Reg takes a man through to see Roy. Later Reg complains to June that Bob is a nosy old git - oh the irony! 😂 "A good Sgt knows everything that goes on in his nick."

Three months of work are paying off for Roy - a team of the same lads from the same company carried out work replacing the windows and doors of a large number of recently burgled properties. The firms managing director tells Roy that the keys are taped to the new doors to avoid getting mixed up - they could easily be taken and made copies of and it would explain why there are no other signs of entry. They wait 4-6 months and then return to the property, letting themselves in by the front door.

Uncle Bob is not too happy to find Jim Jim and Taffy having a water fight in the men's loos after a messy arrest. "Bleedin' Woodentops." he sighs as he watches them go.

June claims Bob won't let her and Viv patrol when the National Front are marching through Sun Hill, claiming that he's such an old mother hen sometimes (again - the irony!). Viv asks her what she thinks of Jim. She reckons he's a bit tasty but they're interrupted by a man reporting that he'd had his pockets picked before June can reply.

Dave is guarding the door of the burgled house, waiting for Roy to arrive. There's a kid who keeps asking them what they're doing. At first they ignore him but Dave tells him in such a quiet and indirect way that he's 'looking for fingerprints' it does make you wonder whether he's just a local kid they allowed to watch 😂 Especially when Roy literally lifts the kid up and moves him aside and they all ignore him for the rest of the scene.

DS Tommy Burnside appears for the first of his three appearances before he becomes DI Frank Burnside in series 4. There's no love lost at all between Tommy and Bob. Tommy insists he'll wait for Roy to return. Unfortunately, Jim's first arrest is a snout of Tommy's and he wants Roy to let him off. Bob tells him it's too late - he's already been nicked and charged. "That's what I like to see, Bob. Co-operation." "Bloody Superstars!"

Roy tells Tommy it's too late as his snout is already in the system. Tommy bluffs that his governor - an old acquaintance of Roy's - won't be happy. Roy pulls him up on it immediately and throws him out of the office. Tommy begs him for a favour and even says please. He explains he's due a result from the snout and the arrest compromises it. He promises they can have him back within a few days. Roy allows him to be released as long as he remains Sun Hill's body. He talks Bob into bailing him for a couple of days because 'he owes him one as does Jim. (In Woodentop this was Jack Wilding rather than Bob who wasn't in the episode). He tells him to bail him whilst 'inquiries are made about the property found in his possession'. "You've got all the answers."

Uniform have been trying to catch a group of pickpocketers for quite some time and so far remain unlucky. Bob and Tom are shocked when a well-to-do man arrives having made a citizens arrest of another man who has badly bleeding fingers. The doctor is called for and it transpires that the prisoner from that morning has passed. The well-to-do man accuses the other of picking his pocket and shows the officers some fish hooks sewn into the lining of his jacket that the man had snagged his fingers on, making them bleed profusely.

Charles and the doctor are old friends and he tries to reassure him that it wasn't his fault. He tells the doctor that a few years ago a woman died because of his actions - or rather his inaction. He reminds him that they are human and that everyone makes mistakes and they just have to find a way to live with it. From what he understands 99% of doctors would have made the same diagnosis with the evidence at hand. The doctor blames himself, claiming it's unforgivable as he classifies it as outright neglect.

Outside in the car, Tommy shows more of a Frank reaction to his snout after he'd had to grovel and eat humble pie to get him bailed. The snout snivels that it won't happen again and is scared of him. What makes it worse for Tommy is that his snout was caught by "A bleedin' Woodentop who's still on probation!", telling him that it'd make him about as useful to him as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest." As they drive by Jim and Taffy, the snout sticks his fingers up at Jim, little knowing he'll be returned to Sun Hill by Tommy to be charged in a couple of days.

[scienceoftheidiot]

Haunt me for Roy Mustang (about any other character, whether it's Hughes or Riza or another)

Thank you so much for sending this ! 🥰❤️

I went for the obvious scene that came up in my head when I read the description of the prompt (one character watching over another), I hope you like what I did with it ! This will probably find its place into my Ishval WIP 😅

Put it under the cut because it's relatively long (idk, between 1 and 2K I think I didn't use the usual software to write)

Roy, sitting on the ground, leans back against the wall, hands on his knees. He allows himself to close his eyes for a brief moment.

An image superimposes on the darkness of his eyelids. Riza Hawkeye writhing in pain, crying silently.

Roy opens his eyes with a shaky breath. He'd rather see her how she is now, sleeping on her stomach, head laying on her hand, turned towards him. The heavy dose of painkillers he's been feeding her is still not enough to smooth the frown on her face, but her breathing is even and calm, and she rarely shifts. Her bare back is covered in gauze and the thick, greasy ointment Knox had given Roy a month before.

The evening light that filters from the barred windows of the hideout draws warm stripes on Hawkeye's barely covered body, makes her short hair shine golden. Everything is calm, time stuck. Dust dances in the sun rays, and Roy watches their slow descent.

She looks frail. Broken. Roy wants to pull something over her, cover her, not to hide her nudity - he's long past being awkward because of it, long past thinking of her as anything else than a victim of his hubris - but to make her feel safer, protected. He shan't. That would hurt her.

He has hurt her enough.

That hand under her head must be painful, and the blood flow cut, Roy remarks. He takes the folded blanket he's brought just in case - in case of what, in this scorched desert, he doesn't really remembers now - and walks closer to her with the intent on replacing her hand with it.

He kneels at her side, brushes her fingers, notices they're cold, and a wave of panic takes him.

She's dead. You've killed her. If you didn't, the shock did. And it's the same. You killed her.

Roy knows. He knows she's alive. He can feel her breath on the back of his hand, that he places in front of her mouth. He knows she's as good as can be in her situation. But that part of his brain won't be silenced.

You killed her. And if you haven't yet, it's coming.

Stop this.

Roy forces his breath to slow, steadies his hand as much as he can. On a whim, before he does anything else, he brushes his knuckles on Riza's flushed cheek. It's hot, and soft. But it's hot, not cold, and she squirms slightly under his touch, without waking up.

See. She's alive.

Roy gulps, and breathes in. He slowly, gently pulls her head away from her hand, his palm on her clammy brow. He pushes her hand to the side, and replaces it with the folded blanket. Roy delicately lays her head back again on the blanket, and goes so far as to dare to push a couple of short bangs off her forehead.

She looks too young and too old at once. She feels as eternal and as fleeting as the desert wind in the dunes. He's afraid of her withering away in this barred, abandonned house that miraculously isn't as wrecked as the rest. He's afraid of her taking roots here, never waking up, sleeping for a hundred years like in the fairy tale.

He would keep his watch, should it last as long and more. He's promised. To her.

He's already failed the father, he won't fail the daughter.

He retreats to the wall again, and sits down with a sigh. His right hand instinctively goes to the top of his thigh, where all this moving has made what was a dull, low level kind of pain flare up and throb.

Under the wool of his uniform and a small patch of the same gauze he's put on Hawkeye's back, the burn is healing. Slowly, painfully, but it is healing. The new skin that has grown is thick, bright pink and ugly, twisted. It'll turn dark later. It fits the task that had him try this on himself before he raised his hand above Hawkeye's back.

After all, he'd never used his Alchemy on people for anything else than killing. And he's good at that. Too good. He got more precise and accurate, and quick, as the war went on. But the finality is always to kill.

He had to try on a living being, first.

No one but Knox would ever know, and Knox already though him insane - not that Knox himself was anything but. Hawkeye, here, too. You'd need to be a little crazy to ask for what she did, even if it came from the right place.

They were all insane, here. Those who weren't were dead, or soon to be. There was no escape.

Hawkeye stirs slightly, pulling Roy out of his reverie. Her frown has deepened, and new beads of sweat have appeared on her forehead. Roy ponders waking her up to feed her more painkillers, and maybe some of the soup he keeps in canteens next to the table where he's laid all the medical supplies, in the corner of the room.

But she doesn't wake by herself, and he decides to wait. He's inflicted enough pain on her, now. Time to let her rest. She'll wake up soon enough.

[toomanythought]

A critique of the magic knight captain's outfits because that's the kind of mood I'm in.

1. Charlotte

I've decided that she has the best outfit of anyone here.

She's got several colors going on, but most of them are neutral so It's ok

Blue and silver with gold accents isn't really a color scheme you can go wrong with

Could use a little more armor, but overall a rather practical look

Could stand to loose the helmet but overall not bad

10/10 something I would wear

2. Dorothy

I'm loving the energy of the pink in this one.

Honestly very pretty aesthetic

Not a lot going on, pretty much only pink w/ some black and white accents (There are two different shades of pink but that's ok because they're in separate pieces and nothing else is going on)

The green on her hat really helps make the pink less overwhelming, a great choice

Minus points because those shorts look a little bit like underwear and her boots should probably be black.

9/10 wouldn't wear it but I'd recommend a friend

3. The Vermilions:

It's pretty much the exact same outfit but Mereoleona wears it so much better.

The red and orange is kind of a bad combo, and I thought it was basic knowledge that redheads should avoid wearing red

The blue does work to cut this a bit though, so it's not as overwhelming as it could be

Kinda iffy on the pink sash. It really should match the cape by outfit laws, but I think that would put too much red in the entire thing

Fuegoleon you're pretty but that outfit really isn't doing it for you. Minus points for the lack of titty window. In the future show more skin. 6/10

Like I said, it's basically the same outfit, but Mereoleona wears it with a very different energy and manages to make it look good. I get pirate queen vibes. 8.5/10

Overall 7/10; I might wear elements of it.

4. Rill

The clothing needs a different style/cut but the colors are decent.

His cape doesn't class with his hair, and he's got the light colors well balanced with the dark

He looks like he's outgrown his pants though

Like seriously

They're a bit too short to be wearing without boots

And at least wear some socks to cover it up

Gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say he hit a growth spirt and Walter hasn't had time to let out the hems

Shoes make me think of Tinker belle

6/10 I like the colors but he really needs different pants, and maybe shoes

5. Yami

Surprisingly not the worst but I am not without criticism.

He's got an aesthetic going that allows him to get away with a bit

As an outfit it's ok, but there's a distinct lack of professionalism going on

Sir are you really going to wear nothing but a tank top 24/7?

Also the over pant thingies make it look like he's wet himself

I like the creativity with the squad robe. No one else wears it like that

His outfit was better when he was with the Grey Deer

Can' figure out what's up with those boots

5/10. I'd never recommend wearing it but it's got a practicality to it.

6. Nozel

My dude you're rich enough to afford a stylist.

We're not even talking about the hair at this point, there are so many things that need straightened out

The ocean/teal blue he's got going on does not work with the periwinkle.

Also what's up with the pant leg cut outs. I really fail to understand the practicality of them

Why are there sandals

We are fighting people

Please wear close toed shoes

Also feathers and fur? Get it together my dude

While we're at it the feathers are kinda ugly in arrangement

3/10 I feel like someone failed to successfully merge two different outfits together.

7. Kaiser

I don't have a lot to say. It's pretty bland.

Very shapeless and fluffy

I'm honestly getting hot just looking at it

Aside from the buttons + gloves and squad robe, there's not much going on

I don't have many critiques of the squad robe. It's purple and yellow. Nothing too horrible.

5/10. Very generic and boring. Don't like at all but it's hard to come up with concrete bad things

8. Jack

Sir do you understand the purpose of clothes

It looks like an armored outfit so you get practicality points

What is up with all the leather straps

They literally serve no purpose

Please put on a proper shirt that covers your midriff

The pants/shoes combo is kinda sketchy

He needs to have either the black or the green running all the way up

Bracelets?

2/10. It's just... ugly

9. William

Sir I know your life sucks but please learn how to dress yourself. Your squad wears the uniform too and you aren't doing them any favors.

Feathers and fluff. Are you a bird dude? Is that your magic? No. It's trees. I know you like birds but you don't need to look like one

Please don't get me started on the colors

For posterity's sake I will now list every color contained within this outfit:

White

Gold

Red

Dark Red

Tan? Light gold?

Dark blue

Lighter blue (but only in one place and it's not touching the dark blue)

Purple. Because this outfit needed some more pizzazz.

White

Black

Get some pink and green and you'll be representing all the squads with ease

The style and cut is actually pretty good but the colors are beyond horrid

He tells Julius that the mask is tacky and then continues to wear it

And also match the rest of his clothing to it

He should have kept the mask as a statement piece and kept the outfit as one or two colors.

Honestly a very in character outfit because it demonstrates his inability to choose a side

3/10 I guess. I like some things about it but there's just too much going on. Bad overall outfit. Needs help desperately. Ask Mimosa. I have a feeling she realized it was bad.

[demomonic-murmurs]

loving your boo [hq characters × monster girlfriend] //p. 1

Welcome to a new series that I am starting. It features haikyuu characters dating various monsters and mostly features NSFW headcanons.

A fair warning; some of these might be a little weird. I will tag everything appropriately, so proceed with that in mind. Each part will feature 5 characters and 6 parts are planned so far.

Pairings: Hoshiumi × Reader, Ushijima × Reader, Iwaizumi × Reader, Osamu × Reader

Warnings: Size difference, Cervix Penetration, Egg Laying, Heat Cycles, Stomach Buldge

Hoshiumi and a Giantess

• Seagull boy is already insecure enough about his height

• he really doesn't like people commeting on his size or he is ready to throw hands

• or people taller than him

• but when he laid his eyes on you

• 250 cm of pure, giant beauty

• that got his feathers ruffled

• he doesn't get why you're insecure of your height to him its the best thing ever

• will ask you to carry him in private, not in public though he got a reputation to uphold

• learns to appreciate his height as well because of you

• because due to it, his face perfectly gets smothered by your big breasts and his hand has access to your cunt when you're just standing up normally

• speaking of cunt

• he knows his dick can't pleasure you lmfao

• he isn't the biggest guy, mostly just girthy but even that can't save him when it comes to your giant pussy

• he doesn't mind though, at least not later

• opens you up until his entire arm is inside of you

• thats a tight fit even for you

• his fingers barely reach your cervix

• which is great because he will totally use them to directly penetrate it

• your poor cervix is so abused lmao

• sucks on your clit like its a popsicle and his life depends on it

• also loves your boobs

• def wants to be quished between them

• loves it when you pick him up and hold him to suck his dick

• it feels so insignificantly small when he is with you so whenever you try to make him feel good he appreciates it

• you don't trust yourself with giving him a hand job, I mean how could you really, you could crush his dick so easily and then what

• so you mostly just settle down and let him use your body however he wants to to avoid any additional danger

• his ego is such an odd mix of immense pride and crippling self doubt

• he really wants to pleasure you but doesn't know if he can or is able to

• please reassure him

• overall fun relationship with a very different sex life

Ushijima and a Fairy

• Size difference in the different direction

• you are tiny and frail compared to Ushijima's tall and buff stature

• adorable pair though

• very popular and very one loves you

• you may have wings but Ushi loves it when you don't use them and ask him instead to help you get something from a shelf

• that being said, he also lives for when you flutter up to him to give him a kiss

• or when you allow him to hold you

• carefully of course because a broken wing would be a bother really

• but his hands are so big

• one hand is enough to fit onto your back and cover it mostly

• he enjoys that feeling of you being small like that

• which of course means that he loves the way you force yourself onto his cock

• it's far too big and thick for your far to tiny pussy

• when you stand next to him, you are at a face level with his crotch

• so even the tip is buldging you already

• not to mention that his cock is a monster

• long, thick and curved

• it can split you in half easily

• loves it most when he is laying down and you sink down onto his cock

• the way you hiss and cry as you take inch after inch is like a concert to him

• loves holding your hips and brushing his thumbs over your stomach taking him so nicely

• you can never fit him completly but it amazes him everytime just how much you can take

• maybe if he just starts stretching you out enough, there will be enough space in your tiny womb for him because he breaks through your cervix like its nothing

• speaking of womb

• loves to cum inside of you and he cums a lot, making you swell up with it quite nicely

• loves how your wings flutter and shudder when you climax, which happens quite often considering how long it takes to just sheat himself into you

• also loves to use you as a cock sleeve to cock warm while he does chores

• nice man that takes good care of you and will make you think of nothing but his cock

Iwaizumi and a Dragonshifter

• Godzilla

• that's the reason he fell for you

• I am sorry

• can totally see it as a childhood friends thing where he befriended you because of that

• and now that the two of you are older he realized just how hot you are

• horns, bat-like wings, claws and a thick scaly tail

• not to mention your teeth

• poor Iwa is done for

• absolutely loves it when you wear anything short or revealing because then he can see the scales framing the more humanoid part of your thighs

• loves it when you give him blowjobs and he is allowed to pull on your horns so you can take him deeper

• your mouth is hotter than the one of an average girl because of your dragon breath

• and your tongue is longer as well

• also loves seeing you pleasure yourself with your tail

• since your clawed hands don't exactly allow you to use them

• but the scales on your tail give you a nice friction to work with

• his favourite season of the year is mating season lol

• when you become so needy that you cut through his pants to suck on him, begging for his semen

• loves taking you from behind because he can see your tail and wings moving around

• rubs the base of both because they are very sensitive zones

• likes to hold up your tail and hug it while he fucks you into the sheets

• your nickname for him is the dragon tamer lmfao

• loves how protective you can get over him

• makes him feel very nice n cozy inside

• knows that you can take care of yourself and relishes in the way you beat up someone

• lowkey turned on by the fact that you can easily beat him at arm wrestling

• Iwa likes a strong woman

• especially if she is half lizard

Osamu and a Swan Girl

• thinks you're beautiful and graceful by default

• loves to run his hand over your feathers

• he still keeps the one you had lost during your first date in a scrapbook

• everything is so soft about you he lives for it

• loves to hold yours hands, which extend from your wings similarly to a bat

• calls you his little angel

• you two own Onigiri Miya together

• and you two have a special item on the list that is limited but a fan favourite

• swan egg ramen

• its a specialty really

• if its ordered (which happens often) Osamu will take a short break and fuck you in the break room so your body will begin to create an egg

• ofc he won't cum in you, he doesn't want to fertilize it

• preferably cums all over your feathers instead

• though he can't deny that he dreams about doing it inside of you one day

• the house made eggs are delicious and if he got time, he loves seeing you push it out

• his favourite sight really

• of course you have a limit of how many you can lay but thats fine, thats why its a special offer that is very popular among humans and monsters alike

• he also loves it when you get in the real mood and perform your little mating dance and sing for him

• lovingly ruffled your feathers so you know he returns your affection

• always makes sure to feed you well after you've laid an egg because its quite stressful for you and he knows that

• and just loves the thought about mating for life with you

Nishinoya and Bunny Girl

• you are a dream come true

• every single high school fantasy is embodied in you

• you're hot to him

• so incredibly hot

• he is horny on main lmao

• takes you in any way imaginable

• loves it if you suck him off and he gets to pull on your ears

• always gently licks and bites them because they're so sensitive

• moans directly into your your ear because he knows it will make you shudder

• not to mention that cute little tail of yours

• any part of fur you possess will be covered in his cum he will ensure that

• ruts himself between your thighs or boobs

• loves to see you collecting his cum with a finger eagerly licking it off

• will absolutely buy you a Karasuno uniform to really fulfill his dreams

• you're his cute fangirl and he is the handsome libero you have a crush on

• lives for the way your legs look under a skirt, specifically that one

• sometimes just flips it up and nuzzles his nose into your crotch

• when you're not wearing panties though

• you're basically asking for it

• has no problem with fucking you in private

• also loves it when you're in heat

• you two have sex very often but when you're in heat? You're not doing anything but fucking

• also would probably have some fun with triggering your flight instincts while fucking you if he feels mean

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: What are you doing Saturday? Janis: Trick question, you're getting out my pocket and I'm cashing in that favour Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: You don't know what it is yet Janis: might be a step too far, far as favours go Jimmy: go on, spit it out Janis: It's really shit, I'm aware, before you say it Janis: but it's my sister's kid's birthday party and I can't get out of it apparently 'cos they're little and shit so I have to make an appearance 😒 Janis: as if it'd remember but you know Jimmy: how old? Jimmy: that factors into how shit it'll be before you assume I'm baking or buying balloons Janis: you just have to come with not plan it Janis: oh and you could bring bobby if you need to Jimmy: alright Janis: it's a 1st birthday but there'll be kids his age too so Janis: only you and I need suffer 'cos I said so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you don't have to but Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: calm it down, my dear Janis: I am calm Janis: they're extra, is what I'm trying to warn you Jimmy: I've met Gracie, I reckon that's fair warning Janis: just saying Janis: pretend you're mute if any of them start yapping Jimmy: 💪 and 🤐 got it Janis: 😏 your specialty, exactly Jimmy: nowt challenging bout none of it Janis: trust, there is Janis: but thanks Jimmy: if you ain't up to it, mate Jimmy: just saying, I am Jimmy: no challenge too big Janis: already told you, got no choice, like Janis: not ability it's desire Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Jimmy: don't need owt but desire for me Janis: 🙄 lord Janis: do I need to warn them about you as well 😏 Jimmy: you telling me you ain't Janis: my family have low standards Janis: you're basically an 😇 to them Janis: soz to your rep Jimmy: properly 😢💔💔💔😢 Janis: I know Janis: such a bad boy, like Janis: but you know you ain't knocked me about or knocked me up so winner Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: apparently the dress code is kinda well, dressy so Janis: another warning Jimmy: what are you saying about my clothes there, babe? Janis: I like your clothes Janis: but awkward enough without feeling underdressed Janis: fuck knows what I'll find to put on Jimmy: take me shopping then, rich girl Jimmy: sort yourself out at the same time Janis: ugh Jimmy: come on Jimmy: it'll be a laugh Janis: alright Janis: it won't but why not Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👍 Janis: when you wanna go Jimmy: when are you gonna gimme that real enthusiasm that I crave? Janis: I can't be excited about playing dress up, soz Jimmy: be excited about trying clothes on with me, dickhead Janis: alright Janis: 😏 I'll try Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we can go in a bit then Janis: you at work? Jimmy: not gonna let on that I'm with my other girlfriend 👵💕 Jimmy: bit rude that Janis: rather know Janis: might have some fashion I can cop Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: hang on, I'll have a look Janis: tah Jimmy: florals 👍 or 👎 Janis: probably 👍 but I think it'd spontaneously combust if it touched me so Janis: '💎💎 EXTRA 🍾!!!!!!!!! HONEY 💋 But also make it pink & girlie 🌸🌺🌺🌸' is what we're going for Janis: as if that means anything Jimmy: Gracie, Gracie, Gracie Jimmy: what the fuck Jimmy: she'd be good for a borrow as long as you scrub yourself after Janis: however did you guess 🙄 Janis: bit rude to say about your missus Jimmy: I serve her ☕ every day Jimmy: on form today you an' all Janis: poor you Janis: and what are you talking about Jimmy: take my compliments about how funny you are and shut up Janis: don't tell me to shut up just 'cos you're busy with your main bitch Janis: learn some time management if you're gonna keep this up Jimmy: you're my main, she's one of many side chicks Jimmy: get it right Janis: 😩😭😍 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: 💕 Janis: gonna need to pre-drink this Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: getting us both wrecked Janis: the only way I can remotely do this Jimmy: I won't let you end up face down in the cake like my mum was for our kid's 1st Jimmy: not a #mood Janis: no Janis: only so much trauma you can bill as character building Janis: this little fuck already has enough Jimmy: I'll buy the kid an orchestra Janis: entertainment sorted Jimmy: 👍 Janis: going for a run Janis: in a bit Jimmy: run my way Janis: nah it's okay Janis: I'm not in the mood Janis: a good one Jimmy: and what? Jimmy: miserable twat every day me Janis: idk Janis: I just Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: why else do you think I want you here, girl? Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: my only job ain't pouring coffee Jimmy: might cheer you up Jimmy: weird idea, I know Janis: great Janis: now I sound like a dick Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: shit sounds like how it is Janis: I can't explain Janis: it'd take me forever and you don't need to know Janis: I just hate being around them Jimmy: You just said as much as you needed to Jimmy: we ain't gotta ⛏️ Jimmy: left the mines behind, like Janis: alright Janis: but maybe I'm not ready to be cheered up Janis: all we do is bullshit being happy 'round here Jimmy: solidarity for feeling like shit even easier Janis: babe Jimmy: ? Janis: don't be nice Jimmy: alright Janis: convincing Jimmy: 🔪🔪alright 💔💔 Jimmy: better? Janis: you couldn't be mean if you tried 😏 Jimmy: are you challenging me? Janis: not really Janis: idk what I want Janis: be nice maybe Jimmy: baby Janis: mm Janis: I really hate everyone but you Jimmy: I love you Jimmy: bollocks to everyone else Janis: maybe that's what I wanted Janis: feels good anyway Janis: never don't Janis: Oh, and I love you too Jimmy: are you running? 'cause you're typing like you might be on it Janis: how presumptuous Janis: also don't do yourself down like that, it's not the ONLY time I ever say it Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not what I mean Janis: filth Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: who else you chatting to? Janis: just the side hoes Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👋 Janis: are you saying hello to them or bye to me Jimmy: might be either Jimmy: keeping you guessing like that Janis: 🙄 Janis: so mysterious Jimmy: come here to me and I'll let you know Janis: quite the offer Jimmy: take it then Janis: hot Jimmy: 'course I am Janis: 😏 Janis: maybe I've had some drink but you can't blame me Jimmy: how much catching up I gotta do? Janis: do you have the shit mood to double down with Janis: if not just keep me company Janis: I miss you Jimmy: where am I going then? Janis: i'm coming there doofus Jimmy: I'm near done, we can go wherever Janis: home? Jimmy: I get it, you want real love 🐶💕 Janis: mhmm Janis: read my mind Jimmy: I can't promise she's home alone waiting for you though Janis: we're never alone Jimmy: I'll take you somewhere we can be Janis: yeah? Jimmy: I'm thinking Janis: hot Jimmy: don't put me off Janis: I'm down to barricade the door don't worry Jimmy: you're so Janis: I know Jimmy: I miss you too Janis: how much Jimmy: how much do you think? Janis: not enough Jimmy: what's enough? Janis: so much that we never leave bed again Janis: not much to ask for really Jimmy: what about so much we barely make it to bed? Jimmy: and then we never leave Janis: 😋 Janis: that's allowed Jimmy: good 'cause nobody can stop me Jimmy: that's how much I miss you, girl Janis: don't stop Janis: you're killing me Jimmy: I just said I can't Janis: good Jimmy: I've missed you all day Janis: it's unfair I can't be with you all the time actually Jimmy: I could get you a job here but I'd have to teach you some customer service first Janis: can't even say it's rude Janis: just fair Jimmy: get over here, lesson starts when you show up Janis: 😏 Janis: you do remember what happened when I turned up at your last job, yeah Jimmy: I weren't fuming about that then and I ain't gonna be now Janis: okay Janis: omw for my trial shift Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: kicking the stranglers out, I reckon you need 1 on 1 instruction Janis: shit Janis: okay Janis: taking this very serious now Jimmy: it is serious, don't be pissing about Janis: aye aye Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt remember Janis: are you doubting me Janis: always 🥇 Janis: main bitch, remember Jimmy: giving you a chance to prove me wrong 'cause you're about that Jimmy: I'm gonna give you everything you want Janis: I really like you, you know Jimmy: main bitch an' all #obvs Janis: you know it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: are you gonna let me wear the apron or what Janis: the real questions Jimmy: what else are you gonna be wearing? Janis: nothing pink Janis: that's for sure Janis: the rest is up to you Jimmy: I heard nothing let's go with that Janis: works for me Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: I ain't requesting that be your uniform whenever you're on shift though, even if tips would be at a record high Jimmy: I can't be smacking every dickhead that comes in Janis: You're cute Jimmy: You're Janis: hanging on the edge of my seat, like Janis: what 😏 Jimmy: making me not wanna leave work Jimmy: such a skill that Janis: I'm motivational Janis: hire me for that alone Jimmy: convincing too Janis: sounds promising Janis: still, put me through my paces, like Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: It ain't an easy job, babe Janis: I can take it Janis: 💪 Jimmy: I know Janis: k have you got rid of everyone, nearly there Jimmy: on my own 💔🎻🎻 Janis: my poor baby Jimmy: Get a move on Jimmy: I need you Janis: [showin' up] Jimmy: [enthusiastic welcome before she's even really through the door cos we know he would] Janis: [just telling him how bad you missed him between kisses] Jimmy: [being very vocal in between kisses too but not with words] Janis: ['that's customer service is it?' 'cos clearly about it] Jimmy: ['keen, you ain't even in the door yet' but he ain't stopping any of what he's doing to let her lol] Janis: [puts one foot in like a nerd 'come on, gimme a chance, like'] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her over the threshold like a bigger nerd] Janis: ['just want the job, if I'm honest, not your last name but' but you're grinning 'cos you love it] Jimmy: ['what makes you think I wouldn't take yours?' and grinning back cos imagine haha he's the whitest 'what were it again?'] Janis: [says it excessive accented] Jimmy: [shamelessly 😍 cos that's hot] Janis: [rolls her eyes 'cos always a thing but not mad] Jimmy: [leads her over to the counter and doing like a ghost pottery wheel style mood because down to the business of closing up but make it flirty] Janis: [just loving life and purposely messing up (but not drastically, not a dick lmao) so he has to show her again] Jimmy: [we're all just loving life being nerds] Janis: ['so, I got the job, right?' and a LOOK of course] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back and putting the apron on her as he takes other shit off her like maybe lemme just see how this looks] Janis: ['if any of your co-workers walk in right now, I swear to god' but showing off what your mama gave ya] Jimmy: [just loling 'could be your co-workers too' cos give her them compliments and then kisses obvs] Janis: ['don't worry, you'll still be my favourite'] Jimmy: [casually gonna just put her on that counter like the time at the CG when they put on a show for the squad but this time there ain't no audience bye] Janis: [just smiles like this is why and we know the rest honey] Jimmy: [god bless you babies then go home and snuggle Twix like that's your job] Janis: [when she called it home, bye] Jimmy: [technically it is cos we said she was moving in and he was getting a bigger bed so] Janis: [yeah but emotions boo] Jimmy: [you know it got me bitch] Janis: [just wait 'til you have your own forreal kids] Jimmy: [I will cry when we do that, don't even] Janis: [but for now, there's a party you don't wanna be at]