#it's no joke i dont know how to fucking release my anger and disappointment.

[des-fangirl]

Hot girls are having a breakdown because of not being able to draw their blorbo. Im the hot girl

[errorpeachy]

☾ Will He?☽ 《Bakugo and Izuku X Reader》 Pt.2

Song: Will he - Joji

Hey bitches, take some more angst since the first part did tremendously well like holy shit-

I got knots all up in my chest.

You had been staying at Izuku’s house for the past week, and your days had consisted of crying, sleeping, working, and crying some more. Sometimes, Izuku managed to make you laugh, but for the most part, you had been stuck in a depressive state. Explaining to your receptionist what was going on, she was in the process of helping you issue a public statement saying you were no longer with the number two hero.

It was difficult to accept the fact that the Bakugo you once knew wasn’t the same Bakugo anymore. You two had been together for five years, so it was only understandable that you were hurting, but there were so many other things you were feeling. You felt anger at the fact he thought you were stupid enough to allow him to get away with it. You felt scared of the public and how they’d react, as well as the press. You felt so much disgust with yourself for allowing him to kiss you while being suspicious of another woman. Most of all, however, you were disappointed. Not in him, but yourself. You had played up this act, this lie that he had continued for two months, because you were too scared of the truth. You were scared of change, because he was all you ever knew. That wasn’t who you were.

Just know, I’m trying my best

You’d been recovering since the breakup, Izuku by your side. Slowly, he helped you back onto your feet, not financially, but emotionally. You were grateful every day for what he had done for you. He helped you the night you released your official statement, hugging you close as you cried into his chest. He took you out with your friends so you’d feel a little better, and he tried his best to do little things for you. Even though he was the number 1 hero, he still managed to remember things like your favorite candy or what kind of conditioner you preferred. It shocked you, to be honest. Bakugo never seemed to remember that kind of stuff.

Slowly, you went back to normal. A month passed since your breakup, and you were no longer holing yourself up in Izuku’s guest bedroom. You started looking for an apartment, and slowly, you felt yourself getting better. You were going to miss living with Izuku, but you were searching for something close by so you could still visit him whenever you wanted.

Currently, you were waiting for Izuku to meet up with you at your favorite café. He was going to help you pick an apartment complex today, and you were excited to see him as he had been working nonstop all week.

It had been fun, living with Izuku. You enjoyed being able to crack jokes while he cooked dinner and share a bowl of popcorn while watching mean girls, his unruly hair pushed back by a headband while he had a face mask on. It was funny to see him cranky in the morning, teasing him as you handed him his morning coffee. During the month, you had felt feelings bubble up in your chest for the broccoli-headed boy. You promptly shut those thoughts down. That was Bakugo’s childhood friend, and you were not about to get dragged into a love triangle, if you could call it that.

But when you look

You raised your head as you heard the familiar chime of the café’s entrance bell. Smiling, you got up to hug Izuku and pushed your computer aside. “Hey Y/N!” He said, smiling as he patted your head. You sat down, pulling you computer to your body. “Let’s get started!”.

When you laugh

When you smile

I’ll bring you back

“And then the guy had the audacity to say he didn’t steal anything when I had watched him!” Izuku finished, his story making you cry laughing. You two had finished apartment hunting, your computer closed off to the side as you enjoyed your friend’s company. A smile stayed on your face as you sipped you drink. What you weren’t aware of, was the gaze of a certain ash-blonde male.

He scoffed, his eyes watching you as you gently leaned your head against your hand. You looked at Izuku the same way you looked at him in high school. What was so great about him anyways? He didn’t even have his own quirk. He was nobody compared to...

He watched as you smiled at Izuku with so much love, so much joy. It hurt.

And now I’m sad

And I’m a mess

He knew it was his fault. He shouldn’t have done what he did. Sleeping around with his sidekick was the last thing he thought he was going to do. He knew he could just as easily go to you to get what he want, yet he didn’t. Was he bored? No, he wasn’t- he just thought he was hot shit. He thought that because he had reached number 2 status and you were content with where you were in life that you failed to keep up with him. He thought you went back on your promise.

But you hadn’t.

And now we high

That’s why I left

He stood up, paying for his food as he walked out. You blinked as you saw someone leaving, before making eye contact with him. Katsuki.

You immediately looked at Izuku, your muscles tensing up. “He’s here.” You muttered. He sighed, a mix of sympathy and annoyance mixed on his face. “I don’t know why he’s following you. You aren’t going to go back to him... are you?” He asked, looking at you. Pausing, you sighed. “It’s complicated.” You muttered, folding your hands. “I don’t want to right now, bu-“

“Then dont.” He said. You looked at him. “What?” “Don’t go back. Actually, I have a better idea.” He said, turning away as his cheeks flushed pink. You tilted your head. “What are you talking about, Izu?” You asked.

He looked at you, a small smile on his face. “What would you say if I suggested going on a date?” He asked. You blinked, eyes going wide. “A-a what?” You asked. He immediately waved his hands, getting flustered as he tried to backtrack. “Y-you don’t have to! It hasn’t been very long and I know you’re still probably recovering- oh my god why did I suggest this-“ he said, shooting off into a ramble as you smiled. Grabbing his hand, he stopped to look at you.

“I’d like that, Izuku.”

Humming, you added the finishing touches to your outfit as you combed out your hair. Your date plans were originally to go to a hero museum, however the hero commission decided to schedule a last-minute dinner party to congratulate Izuku on his ranking. You decided to go as his plus-one, and you were currently getting ready to leave.

“Y/N, are you almost- woah...” he said, question falling short as he stared at you. You laughed, getting up and grabbing his keys. “Yeah, let’s go.” You said, handing them to him. He put them in his pocket before holding your face gently. “You look amazing.” He said, a smile gracing his delicate features as you blushed. “Thanks- um... let’s go.” You said, gently moving his hands off so he wouldn’t see how embarrassed you were. He laughed, pulling his keys out and following you.

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips?

You knew he was going to be there. It was only inevitable. What you didn’t know, however, was that he was bringing her. Akemi Futara. You felt your skin crawl as she stared at you, like she had won a prize and was showing it off to the losing player. It made you sick, thinking of how you kissed him when he had gotten home after fucking her, and she knew that.

Sighing, you leaned into Izuku’s side, causing him to glance at you before giving you a sympathetic look. “I know, I know. If you want, I-I can ask for them to lea-“ “I’m fine. I know he’s your friend. She’s just annoying.” you muttered, closing your eyes. The people that kept coming up to interact with you and Izuku were giving you a headache. You could feel Bakugo’s stare on you, causing you to feel uncomfortable. He eyed you like you were still his.

“Izuku, kiss me please.” You said, causing him to turn to you sharply. A blush exploded across his face, and his eyes went wide. “I-I- whAt?” He stuttered, causing you to sigh. “Bakugo won’t take the hint. He’s gonna try to talk to me.” You muttered. “I just need to make him understand that I’ve moved on, so kiss me. You’re a grown man, so it’s not hard.” You teased. He gulped. Leaning down, he gave you a quick peck on the cheek. You huffed. “What the hell-“ “I don’t think we should kiss out of spite. I... I want it to be special, if we do...” he muttered shyly. You paused before smiling at him. “Izu, you’re adorable.” you giggled.

Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips?

Bakugo watched as you had fun, dancing your heart out with your friends. He felt envy as he watched Izuku struggle to groove with you. He watched as you took his hands and tried your best to teach him, slowly helping him understand. To say he was mad was an understatement. No, he was angry- pissed even. You dumped him and now you’re going after the guy he’s known since childhood? How low of a blow could you deal?

Jealousy was eating away at his core. He felt the same jealousy as he watched Izuku get everything he had wanted in life. Why couldn’t he have that? Why did it need to be him? As he grew in ranks, he distanced himself from you to work better, and you were okay with that. But he wanted more. He wanted to climb and climb and go higher and higher, but you had been content right where you were. You promised him you’d keep up with his pace, but as you brought up the thoughts you had of marriage, he realized that you wanted him to settle down with you.

And he didn’t want that.

Will your lover caress you the way that I did?

He realized as Izuku gently held your hands that he was wrong about everything. He should have just settled down. You were all he wanted in someone, and yet somehow, he wanted more. He was so greedy that he failed to see that what he had was the best he could get. He never gave you what you needed, yet he thought that he needed more.

Will you notice my charm if he slips up one bit?

He watched you go over to the bar and get a drink of water, chest heaving from how much dancing you had done. Getting up, he looked over to where Akemi was socializing before going over to you.

You saw him, cringing as you immediately turned your back to him. You didn’t want to deal with this tonight. It was supposed to be a night for you and Izuku, with no problems in the way. You watched as he took a seat next to you at the bar, ordering a drink before turning to you.

Cause I don’t need to know, I just wanna make sure you’re okay

“How are you?” He asked quietly, causing you to scoff. How were you? Fucking great, right now, but a month ago you were a damn wreck. Rolling your eyes, you looked down at your drink. “Im great. I can tell you are too, with that Akemi girl.” You said, matter of fact. He paused before nodding, despite it being far from the truth.

Cause I don’t need to know, I just wanna make sure you’re all safe

“He hasn’t hurt you, has he?” He asked. You turned to him. “If he did, I wouldn’t be here. Frankly, the only person in this room that’s hurt me is you.” You said, before turning away from him. “Please leave me alone, Katsuki. I don’t want to talk to you.” You muttered. He went quiet, his eyes staring into your back without faltering. After a bit, he closed his eyes and got up, moving away from you as he went to go talk to his friends. You sighed before feeling a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m proud of you.” Izuku said softly, gently rubbing circles into your shoulder. You smiled. You were proud of yourself too.

Will he play you those songs just the way that I did?

Izuku fumbled as he grabbed a guitar pick, sitting crossed-legged across from you on your bed. He had picked up learning how to play in his free time, and he wanted to show you what he knew.

Rain hit the windows quietly as he started to play you your favorite song, causing you to smile. He was so thoughtful, and he had shown you as much throughout the month you and him had spent dating.

Your memories with Bakugo were forever burned into your brain, but that was in the past. You had Izuku now. And that’s all you needed.

He started to sing quietly, smiling as you joined in. You watched his calloused hand stroke the guitar with such care. It made your heart flutter, how he was so built yet so gentle.

You heard a knock at your apartment door, causing you to go quiet as you looked at him. “Did you invite Uraraka over?” He asked curiously. You shook your head, watching as he set his guitar aside on the bed carefully. “I’ll get it. He muttered, moving to get up, but you stopped him. “It’s fine, I got it. Just relax.” You said, kissing his cheek before getting up and making your way to the door. Unlocking it, you pulled it open.

“Y/N.” Bakugo said, ruby eyes meeting yours. You blinked. What the hell was he doing here? It was raining, for Christ’s sake!

You frowned. “What is it, Bakugo.” You said, using his name formally. He cringed. It was like you never knew him. “I need to talk to you. Please, let me in.” He said. You had never seen him so desperate.

Will he play you so strong just the way that I did?

You huffed, crossing your arms. “Whatever you need to tell me better be short and sweet.” You said, opening the door as he stepped inside. You stopped him before he sat down on your couch. “You can stand.” You said coldly.

Clearing his throat, he looked you in the eyes.

“I want you back Y/N.”.

Will he treat you like shit just the way that I did?

You felt yourself go numb as he started to apologize in his stereotypical way. “I was an asshole, and I’m sorry.” He said. You could hear your ears ringing as you stared at him. Who the hell did he think he was?

“It took you two months to work past your pride and apologize? Are you kidding me?” You said angrily, causing him to huff. “I never apologize for anything, so this just shows how much I care.” “No, it shows how much of a fucking asshole you are!”

Cause I don’t blame you.

Growling, he balled his hands up as he started to shout back. “Why can’t you ever just listen to me?” He said. You laughed. “You don’t deserve that after you cheated on me and then apologized two months later after I had already moved on!” You shouted. You heard Izuku come down the hallway, seeing Bakugo argue with you. He gave him a look he rarely gave anyone. It was one of anger.

Cause I don’t need to know, I just wanna make sure you’re okay

“Get out.” He said coldly. Bakugo turned to him, anger evident in his eyes. “What the hell did you just say to me, Deku?” He sneered, causing you to glare at him. “I said get out. You’ve overstayed your welcome with my partner.” He responded. You watched as the realization hit Bakugo like a brick. He lost.

You finally knew you were worth more than him.

Cause I don’t need to know, I just wanna make sure you’re all safe.

You watched as he left quietly, shutting the door behind him. Izuku was still tense from the confrontation, and you went over to him. Touching his face gently, you gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. He turned red, immediately relaxing. “What was that for?” He asked. You smiled. “It was for defending me. Thank you for everything, Izuku.” You said softly. He smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist. “It’s my pleasure.” He said, kissing your temple.

You will always have memories of Bakugo.

But now, you had Izuku.

[bakedpieceofchicken]

5am long personal vent

dont interact with this

note: this post mentions endeavor a lot.

context (very important!): I pretty much binge-read an entire tumblr user’s meta posts and I found them interesting and very informative. 

I also read through their salt tag and now I’m compelled to gather my thoughts together considering the literal title I’ve held for months now is “Hawks is a lov member already”. I’m extremely socially awkward, even on this online platform, so I’m not going to mention the aforementioned tumblr user’s name because I’m too anxiety-ridden to try to contact them. This is in no way shape or form an attack on the person’s opinions nor their character. It’s me... rambling about my thoughts about their opinions at 4 am. 

Is it defending myself? Well, not really, because I don’t feel personally attacked. Just because we have a difference of opinion doesn’t mean we have to resort to attacking each other. I found their opinions thought-provoking and wanted to pick my own brain... I picked this time purposely so nobody would see this post :eyes: so like uhm yeah

note 2: “you” refers to unnamed tumblr user. sorry about weird point of view...

anyways let’s get into the meat 

villain hawks

yay or... nay...?

Well, in fanon it would be such a fun idea to play around with. Personally I think there’s potential for League of Villain interactions with Hawks. I would LOVE to see Hawks interacting with the other pro heroes, but the only pro-to-pro interaction we get with Hawks is between Hawks and Endeavor. Because the atmosphere between the pro-heroes feels... disconnected.

Now, hear me out.

Let’s contrast it with the idealized version of hero society provided in future fics. Or hell, comparing the top ten pro heroes to Class 1-A itself. We want to think all the heroes are friendly with each other and have some sort of camaraderie with each other

But Horikoshi doesn’t present it like that. 

The closest thing to that we get is Endeavor and Hawks. Other than that, the atmosphere between hawks and the other heroes seem more strained or tense (the whole miruko hawks thing is fanon). And even then, it’s... well... Endeavor and Hawks don’t truly know each other. Hawks only knows the public perception and image of Endeavor, which is the only thing he’s been given while Endeavor doesn’t truly knows Hawks either. I’m not saying the interactions are fake, but... would Hawks be acting the way he was if he knew about Endeavor’s past?

No. I don’t have any predictor to how differently Hawks would act, but I definitely sense there’d be a lot of disappointment and loss of respect for the man he was rooting for. To what extent? Would Hawks just be in complete disbelief? Or would he react with immediate anger? There are parallels to Hawks and Todoroki Rei--both were picked from the crowd and had their lives controlled because of their “value” determined by Endeavor/The Hero Commission respectively.

But honestly from an objective standpoint, I have nothing to go off of other than the fact that Hawks deeply respects and idolizes Endeavor the most out of anyone in the manga we’ve seen and the fallout of that would be of an equally shattering magnitude...

Ahh i went off on a tangent. the point is... do we really know Hawks? Does Hawks ever get a chance to just.. be himself? Maybe we see a bit of that shine when he’s alone with Endeavor, but as we saw clearly in chapter 186 he puts on a care-free facade for his fans. But in reality... he’s always working because he’s one of the hero commission’s greatest assets. 

and... here’s where our opinions clash. I truly, in the depths of my heart, believe that Hawks is building a reality where heroes have more free time comes from a more selfish desire for himself. Don’t get me wrong--I don’t want to disservice what Hawks has done for society. But also it feels like he’s the type who overworks himself because he feels moral obligation to society when... technically he doesn’t owe anything to society. 

Yes, in superhero shows and whatnot, it’s usually a positive trait that “hey this person’s been born with an amazing power and they’ve chosen to use it for the greater good! Look what they’re sacrificing!!!” But let’s say theoretically that person decides “hey i don’t want to be a hero i just want to be a writer!” Are they morally wrong for deciding not to be a hero even though they would theoretically be good at it? Even though it’s not something they want for themselves?

Because I don’t think Hawks wants to be a hero. But he also doesn’t want people to die. He’s tied himself with these moral obligations to the point where he can’t leave now because he feels it would be selfish of him to. And that is speculation, but Horikoshi isn’t exactly spelling it out for us! So, that’s how I interpret Hawks’ character. Yes, he is a true hero in that he wants to save as many people as he can, even at the cost of his pride his dignity his fucking freedom...

but also, he never wished for that. he never asked to be one who has to deal with all of this. But now that he is, what choice does he have? 

So, yes, we agree on that. But I also feel that his personal desire plays as big of a part. Because we, as humans, naturally want things for ourselves. Our personal desire for ourselves shouldn’t be downplayed at all! That’s why I believe his inner thoughts are worded “more free time” rather than “make society more safe”. Because he has his priorities! He wants the best of both worlds-- it’s a form of negotiation. He can still play the hero and less lives would be taken but he can also having some breathing room for himself like he’s always wanted.

To free himself just a little bit from the stressful life of being a hero. 

There is nothing wrong with being motivated by personal desires. Hawks is one of the most grounded heroes we’ve seen--I think he’s cynical enough that he’s self aware of this selfish desire for a freer life. And it’s selfish to him only because he knows that it would never happen without the expense of a few lives-- lives that he knew he would never forgive himself for letting slip.

I think it’s a toxic mindset.

Because as heroic as placing others above yourself... that attitude is completely unhealthy and I don’t think it should be celebrated. What I want to see from Hawks’ natural progression as a character is recognizing that it’s okay to prioritize yourself. Hell, Midoriya learned this during the summer training arc and failed to retain that lesson during the Overhaul arc! THESE HEROES DON’T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!!! (ok i get midoriya’s trying). 

And if it’s selfish to desire more free time for yourself off from work, is it really that wrong of someone to do so? To want more control over your life? To want to do things you want to do rather than what others want you to do?

What does this have to do with villain Hawks? Well, I think a large desire for villain hawks is because it shows the departure of that mindset! Hawks doesn’t need to be confined to his hero persona anymore, he can finally do things he wants to do and be the free bird he’s always wanted to be.

But him becoming a complete villain is... far-fetched. This myself I recognize. I’ve only written villain!hawks once and that was because he snapped after the hero commission executed shigaraki and dabi as a show of power rather than going through the effort of trying to re-integrate the men back into hero society. I don’t want to go too deep because this isn’t the point I’m trying to make, but Hawks realizes how power-obsessed society is to the point where he doubts the legitimacy of the hero commission itself and what they do for society and its people.

But, again, that’s not going to ever happen in canon so I won’t bring it up another time. The point I was trying to make is yeah, you’re right that Hawks would never become a villain. He wouldn’t become a murderer- if he does, he definitely needs more incentive than what we can go off from canon.

And ohhh boy here we go, reaching the erm elephant in the room.

(These are the points made in the salt tag btw)

Is Villain!Hawks just an excuse to write hotwings? And what is the plausibility of Hawks turning to villainy? Would Endeavor being exposed as a child abuser be the trigger if Hawks were to turn villain at some point in the story?

Eh...

I don’t know if I even want to go into the whole “this is just an excuse to make hawks and dabi evil boyfriends” because I’ve never used villain!hawks as justification for that personally. And I’m actually not as attached to hotwings as I am to something like shigahawks... I don’t have any points to counteract this other than my desire to see Hawks interact with the entire league. Because it would be fun to see him interact in an environment he’s not wholly familiar with. With Endeavor or the other heroes or even the hero commission, he has some semblance of control or understanding so he thinks/acts like he knows what’s going on. 

Meanwhile, the League is a huge mess and they don’t have their shit together and wouldn’t it be funny to see Hawks as a part of their crew suffering with them!!! Well, that’s bias. My bias. For fanon. And for the jokes. So sad :(

So... I don’t just want to see more Dabi and Hawks interaction. I want to see more Hawks and League interaction. or just more hawks and anyone interactions overall. maybe thats all i crave

Actually going through the points one by one, let’s talk plausibility.

I already talked about villain!hawks being a... departure from Hawks’ faults in his own character. But it is pretty extreme, I’ll admit. If Hawks were ever to join the League of Villains, he’d probably never use killing as first resort. As we’ve seen in chapter 220, it’s not like the League targets only heroes... but i get the salt tag was made like 5 months ago so it’s not like new information hasn’t been released at the time of posting.

Reminds me of domestichobgoblins’ shigadabihawks fic where shigaraki even acknowledges “Whatever bullshit you’ve been telling Dabi, you aren’t a killer either, are you? So what, exactly, am I supposed to do with you?” And you know? The both are you are right. Hawks isn’t a killer and he wouldn’t become a killer willingly... unless he was pushed by some other greater force but I’m not here to address any of that. He could still provide support to the league in other ways, arguably, or just joining the league could be some kind of message to the heroes or supporters of hero society.

You are right to a degree. Hawks’ sole motivator to become a villain wouldn’t be because “OH ENDEAVOR IS AN ABUSER GUESS I GOTTA TURN EVIL NOW”.

Okay pushing past that, so why would Hawks be motivated to become a villain? In canon? I’ve already warped a lot of this post with my own fanon but I’m trying to keep within the realm of canon for this point specifically since you could take a second to push Hawks over the edge in fanon and be done with it. But why would Horikoshi specificially do it?

The fact is hero society sucks. A lot. And I think Hawks recognizes that fact being the most “grounded” and cynical of the bunch. His views and visions of hero society aren’t warped by fantasies and such (which is probably why he doesn’t like All Might...) so he understands what’s happening around him. He understands the mechanisms of hero society and how “valuable” quirks are viewed as in their capitalist society.

But also, he doesn’t  have that much of an option other than trying to lessen the burden placed upon him. Because he’s a single man, and even with his influence, he can’t change society. He’s powerless to do so, even considering who he is. He’s seen as a role model to those in society, but it’s because of his ranking that ironically fuels why people even look up to him: denouncing that would be kind of silly considering it’s the reason why people would listen in the first place.

And this is the point where I say... Shigaraki had a point. Hero society is flawed. It shouldn’t be so reliant on one person to carry it all.

But also hero society itself is bullshit. The ranking system? Horrible. The fact that the hero commission views them as tools for their own disposal? Horrible. The mere fact they basically bribe Hawks into becoming a hero? Like? “Hey kid you’re the best at being a hero so that’s what you should do. we’re only going to give you financial support if you become a hero so you might as well” like what is Hawks supposed to do in that sort of situation? Of course he’s going to succumb to the pressure.

I don’t believe in this whole “sacrifice for the greater good” bullshit. If Hawks wants to be a hero, that’s a whole another story, but if Hawks doesn’t, then he shouldn’t have been forced into that role. It’s about agency--it’s about letting him decide for himself if it’s what he wants to do. And it’s... a gray area for morality. “It’d be selfish for him to let people die!” Who is in the right to say whether or not he should use his “powers” for others’ sake? Me? You? The Hero commission?

So if Horikoshi goes down the path of “hey hero society is extremely bad and needs to change” and Hawks recognizes the League as a proponent for that change, then with a lot of development, it’s plausible in the future. I understand that Hawks, as of what we currently see, is too upheld by his own morals to ever even think about crossing that line, but people change. Hell, you recognized how the High End arc changed Endeavor and made miles of metas about it.

So, is it really far-fetched to say villain!Hawks is just a dream?

Maybe I’m a fool or an optimist, but I’d love to see Horikoshi take that path. Not because I’m horny for evil boyfriends, but it’d be a nice change of pace and we’d get to see a complete contrast of Hawks’ experiences. And it wouldn’t be easy-it’d had to be done right. Just like Endeavor’s redemption arc--if Horikoshi is still planning it. (Let’s be honest: High End Arc was not a formal redemption. I think it was Horikoshi letting the readers know “there might be something worth saving in Endeavor!” but i digress because i don’t care enough about endeavor (his character and redemption has 0 appeal to me and thats FINE. YOU DO YOU AND I DO ME, I only talk about him when it’s essential to talk about the influence he has on characters I DO care about).

As to why people like to characterize the moment Hawks decides to quit being a villain being attributed to Hawks learning Endeavor is an abuser...

The fallout, as mentioned earlier, could vary. A lot. Hawks really looked up to Endeavor when he was young. Again, shattering to find out something so nasty about the one you idolized.

To know that the one Hawks looked up used his wife just like how the hero commission used Hawks. Like an object or tool at their disposal. 

Would he be vengeful or spiteful towards Endeavor personally? To others, probably yes. To me? I’m kind of in the “eh” skeptical ballpark so I guess we somewhat agree on that. To me, Endeavor being exposed as an abuser would  crush that small slither of childish hope that hero society represents something bigger than themselves. Did Hawks ever get to have the childhood Deku had where he was still cheering on the heroes from behind the screen, or did it get crushed just as quickly when he realized how hero society truly works?

Because hero society isn’t bigger than themselves. It shouldn’t be idolized so heavily as it is presented in BNHA.

At least, not in its current state. And people who don’t fit in that group or agree with its ideals suffer the consequences. Like Shigaraki. Like Twice and Spinner. Like Gentle.

These are all villains that are products of society that promised to stamp out villains. And when Hawks realizes that it’s just a never ending cycle where the people left in between the cracks are the ones who perpetuate the system itself...

Like you said, Hawks sees the bigger picture. And his goal is to lessen the burden of the workload for heroes. There will never be a shortage of everyday criminals using their quirks for petty crimes but what about the bigger picture organizations? How are they going to be stopped? What about examining the root core of the problem and going from there? No more short-term solutions to problems... What can Hawks, mighty number two hero, do even at the expense of himself? Hmm... 

I don’t know, just some food for thought. Something I’ve seen done for villain!hawks is the hero commission throwing Hawks under the bus for some reason and Hawks either a) joins the league to gleam more information but finds himself willing to stay or b) has nowhere else to go and it’s more of a push for Hawks to orbit towards the League.

I am really thankful for your thoughts! Even though we don’t agree on things, I think discussion is still possible (whenever my anxiety stops bashing me in the head) and I’m always willing to accept I may be wrong about something. At this point in time (3/27/2019), we have less than 10 chapters released that centers around Hawks, but he’s certainly intrigued a lot of people considering he’s already #4 in popularity from so little chapters released! I think he and his introduction to BNHA represent the more cynical side of hero society that we haven’t been able to properly see from Deku’s perspective!

And I’m interested in what direction Horikoshi is going to take Hawks’ character in! The one thing I’m truly against is Hawks staying the “good little hero” in the end--whether he dies, becomes a villain, or hell even just stops being a hero is good enough for me. Free the bird or kill him off is what I’d want to see. That’d be enough of a character arc for me. Characters change, and it’d be silly to expect Hawks to stay the same especially since he has a lot of baggage on his shoulders and his current situation as a double agent for the League is precarious--despite him stating that he was willing to sacrifice his own reputation for the good of everyone, there’s no guarantee that he wouldn’t feel at least some degree of hurt over losing the respect of everyone and his colleagues. 

My thoughts are pretty clunky but maybe someone was able to gleam something from my stupid 5 am vent...

I love Dabihawks, even though I’m not as invested in it as say Shigahawks or ShigaDabiHawks (which I’m sure you’d definitely have objections to considering your other salt posts... but not something I want to address here), and I still think DabiHawks is a great ship more so because of the dynamic than the aesthetic. But hey, you ship what you ship, you are allowed to express your disdain for the ship--I’ve certainly expressed my own disdain for the your ship in the past--and your salt posts which probably took like 10 minutes to type out provoked me to type out my own thoughts which took like 2 hours to fully process. Like I said earlier: you do you, I do me.

And again-- I’m not trying to “defend” here nor am I trying to “attack”. I just had things I wanted to say and I hope I DON’T have the attitude of someone looking down on you, because I think you have very valid opinions and thoughts and sometimes discourse can just be healthy discussions about how we interpret different characters. We are literally squeezing everything we can out of one character we love and there’s enough room for different interpretations of the same character ^^ If anything, I actually look up to you, which is why I’m too much of a coward to send this to you because oh my god i am so embarrassed about a lot of the shit that comes out of my mouth and i constantly worry about if im saying wrong things even though im open to people telling me why  im wrong about said things. 

tdlr; villains hawks very good. has nothing to do with dabihawks. villain hawks very good on its own. I agree with tumblr user on a lot of things, yet we see differently on other things. The world keeps spinning--I think it’s more interesting to address differences in opinions rather than ignore them. 

(the person this post was meant for will probably never see this unless i send it to them to whcih im like oh my god what if they roast me to hell and back despite me claiming yes i amn ot trying to destroy them or their reputation i just want to talk about this because i had fun trying to think about why i love villain hawks so much aaaaa maybe i am just a delusional fangirl but im also a delusional fangirl who wrote multiple paragraphs about this so... /shrug)

end. again please dont interact. if you want to talk to me about it, inbox/dm me but i dont want this post to get notes. thank you. hides what have I done... 

this has been sorta meta but not really just chicken fucking around at 6 am and good night. maybe sometime in the next... month... ill have the courage to send this to the tumblr user. maybe when i have confidence... or maybe when i make mel look this over. that was a joke- she couldnt even finish my other meta piece which was shorter than this. :)

[harryff]

Chapter 2 Aria Part 1.

Trigger warning: Sexual assault, domestic abuse. Please call the 1−800−799−7233 if you have suffered from any abuse.

In the next upcoming months Aria and Harry reconnected. Her album was to be released soon but she longed to go back to the days she sang background for the band.

Laying in bed she remembered the day Liam and Harry got into a fight over whose part she will sing along with and somehow she managed to appease them both. It was the first time Harry truly noticed her as he tells it to people.

It was currently 10pm in New York  which meant it was 3am in Manchester where Harry was working on his album. Aria was supposed to be asleep instead her mind raced filled with anxiety she couldn’t relax instead her thoughts took her to the worst possible outcomes for performance the next day. To help pass time she texted him

Aria: I miss you big head lol😚😙😋

Aria: I can’t sleep😣😣😓😓☹

Aria: I wish I could call you but you’re sleeping beauty and you definitely need 6 hours of sleep at least or youll be evil lol 😴😴😴

Aria: Remember the time i made you stay up for 24 hours and you were grumpy the whole day and I had to make it up 😉😂

Aria: I have to perform tomorrow. I don’t want to. I’d  much rather go back to the good old days where no one knew I existed

Aria: I still laugh at the memories of you falling on stage…. clumsy prince

Aria: I’m gonna have diarrhea tomorrow theres no  way I’m gonna survive

Aria: Sorry TMI 🙊

Aria: Since I cant bug you you’ll wake up to like 20 texts. 😜

Aria: she sent picture of her sleeping with the teddy bear he got her 2 years ago

Aria: Me and Mr. H miss you

Aria: I had to give him surgery awhile back. Roxy the little shit ripped his eye out. I almost cried 😢😢😢

Aria: Imagine me a grown woman crying over a stuffed animal. 😂😭😭😭

Aria: I went into panic mode!! That was not a contingency I planned for she just bit his eye and yanked it out! Then she starts running with it! In her mouth! Chewing it!  I never truly knew what panic was till that moment!😲😲😲

Aria: Damn dog😒😒😒

Aria: Arent you supposed to be up running? It’s 3

Aria: I miss you again

Aria: I don’t want to perform Harry

Aria: Will you be disappointed in me if I quit?

Aria: Will you call when you wake up?

When Harry woke up at 5am his time he read the texts laughing she was definitely panicking her nerves were getting to her because she was a chatter box.

He called her via Skype

Her computer facing her she raised up hearing the call she clicked the mouse before falling back in bed.

“Aria” he said watching her move around

“Yes”

“I see Roxy is around Mr.H” he said noticing the dog by her side  

“Yes she was on 1 month probation after she did that”

He chuckled

“It’s not funny” she said sitting up

“Yeh ok?”

“No” she said looking down  

“Yeh’ll do good!”

“I don’t like performing in front of people”

“Yeh did when we went on tour”

“Yes but no one knew it was me”

He sighed

“I have to perform for the executives at 9. Practiced my ranges”

“Don’t strain your voice”

“I know… what are you doing today besides calming my nerves”

“Just tha'nd recording”

“You’re working on your 3rd album?”

“Yes”

She smiled “you have great bed head”

He laughed “are yeh not sleepy?”

“I am I keep jerking in my sleep”

“Just relax poppet”

“I’m trying”

“I have to go for my run”

“Ok i’ll call you when I get done”

“Ok” he said blowing a kiss

She caught it.

Harry: How’d it go? He asked when she didn’t call by the end of the day he wondered how things went

Aria: 😭😭😭😭😭😖😓

Harry called her

Harry: Pick up poppet

Aria: No 😭😢

Harry: howd it go

Aria: ‘need more practice’

Aria: Tommy said ‘on a scale of 1-10. 1 being pretty bad  and 10 being the worst performance ever that was a 7.’ 😭😭😭 I can’t do this

Harry:😒😒 drop him he’s a shitty manager

Harry: Pick up poppet please

She took a deep breath before answering his call

“Hey” she said

“Where are you?”

“At home”  her voice broke

“Aww pet”

“I can’t do this Harry”

“I think yeh need another manager”

She sniffed “I wish you were here”

“I’ll be there soon pet”

She remained silent

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“My voice  shook the whole time….sang off key sounded like shit”

“It’s alright Aria”

“It’s not,” her voice was soft. “I’m not made for this.”

“Aria yeh are” he stressed

She sighed “how was your day”

“It was wonderful recorded 3 songs”

“Good”

“My album is done will you listen to it?”

He paused “i don’ kno’ if i should.” He was hesitant. In the past she depended so much on his opinion he got frustrated with the search of approval from him.

“Ok fair enough i’ll have Mr. H listen to it”

He remained silent

“Maybe i can do like a Sia thing but cover my whole body be in dungeon somewhere”

He was still quiet

“Ok Harry good night.” She said ending the call. She knew him too well he was asleep.

As she sat aimlessly looking at the ceiling she contemplated all the different things she could do to put an end to her contract. Get sick with a virus, purposely damage her larynx, car accident etc. When Harry awoke at 3am his time he called her she stared at the phone contemplating whether she would swipe right or left. The screen went dark she thanked the gods for not making her make that decision.

At 10 in the morning she found herself in the studio listening to Thomas or Tommy berate her

“ARIA! Im talking to you!” he said snapping her out of her thoughts

“Sorry” she cowered away

“WHY” he paused “why didn’t you perform like you did in this video? you were so good then what is it now?” he was showing her a video of her singing at a local jazz bar. There were only 10 people, people she would never meet this was different this was executives and produces people who had the power to build or destroy her career with one move.

“I dont know im just nervous”

“ABOUT WHAT? WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET YOU TO NOT BE NERVOUS? SO WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT NOW?

“EVERYTHING!” She argued back before looking at her phone Harry had called her 5 times already.

Harry: Aria are you ok ive called you multiple times

She recorded Tommy

He hit the wall beside her “YO YOU A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT IT’S A WASTE OF TALENT YOU HAVE. I GOT A 10 YEAR OLD WHO WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SPOT!” He walked away from her “…SO YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA LET SOME 10 YEAR OLD OUT DO YOU? DO WE NEED TO MAKE YOU SING NAKED NEXT TIME?”

She spoke softly “Im sorry I can’t Tommy”

“DONT TOMMY ME! TELL ME YOU CANT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO!  YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED FOR YOU! YOU OWE ME THIS!”

She sat silently and hit the send button

Harry: get up and walk away. He texted feeling his anger rise if he was there his fist would be connecting with Tommy’s jaw

Aria: I cant

Harry: Aria get up and walk away

Aria: he’s blocking the door.

She remained quiet waiting for the vent session to be over.

“You have a show tomorrow Chicago Bulls so get ready. Ya ass aint making a fool out of me again” She nodded leaving the studio. She ignored Harry for the rest of the day working on her vocals. She sat at home working on her ranges.

“You sound good Ria” her grandmother said cooking

“Thanks Grandma”

“Whats wrong?” she noticed her behavior

“Tommy screamed at me… told me lots of things i was an embarrassment to him… grandma i don’t know if i can do this”

“Youre too good dont let him ruin you!”

“I know”

Her phone lit up it was Harry texting her.

Harry: can you call me please

She stood up and went to her room to call him

“Aria” he said looking at her on the camera

“Hey” she said getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes were puffy her nose was red. “How was your day?”

“Good.. are yeh ok?”

“I’m ok” she sighed

“Wha’ happened with Tommy”

“Have to perform tomorrow”

He tilted his head in confusion

“Yea”

“Don’ wan yeh to be sad pet”

“I’m ok Harry. Me and Mr. H will be tough” she joked

He chuckled “I’ll be there soon so save some luvin for me yea?” “No you dont get any”

“Wha’? Why?” he smiled

“Well see me and Mr. H have a bond even you can’t break. I have been there with him through thick and thin” her eyes welled up “and he wont” her voice started to break “and he wont let me down and i won’t do the same to him… sorry i dont mean to cry”

“Aria dont cry pet”

She chuckled wiping her tears “I don’t even know why im crying Harry thats the problem. With Mr. H i know i cant let him down"

“You never let me down" he spoke softly 

“I have, i know that, but im trying not to.”

He sighed not knowing what to say. She was always too hard on herself. Her worst critic never letting up on her imperfections. “ ‘M gonna go to bed” he mumbled

“K good night” she said before ending the call

The next day she walked onto the court her hands shaking getting ready to sing the national anthem. Tommy had softened his tone but his words were still harsh. She found herself panicking 30 minutes prior, hunched over with a paper bag to her mouth. The cameras flashed she brought the microphone to her mouth. She closed her eyes imagined she was at home. When the song was done people jumped to their feet cheering her on. She thanked them and rushed off court. It was one of her best performances.

“WHOO!“ Tommy cheered “THAT WAS IT! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!… You sounded so good. Thats what you do in front of the execs don’t worry about them you got this Aria!”

She smiled taking a deep breath in she wanted to leave there was no celebration for her this only meant the inevitable an album release and a music career.

“Thanks Tommy can i go home now?”

“Nah lets go party!” “I really dont want to”

“Look its for your image just one drink” he begged

“Ok” she sighed as they made their way to club she texted Harry

Aria: I think i did ok everyone is happy

Aria: Going to the club with Tommy

Aria: Text you when i get home

It was supposed to be the club but they pulled up to his house, there was a party going on

“Tommy i thought you said club” she said giving him a look

“I know but house parties are fun!”

She shook her head this was her first time in his house “I’m not”

“Please just one drink you promised”

“Fine one drink and i’m done”

An hour passed one drink turned to two and two turned to three she thought. Her head was spinning, Tommy was being too friendly, he was groping her in places he shouldn’t have. When she tried to leave his grip on her wrist tightened when she fought back he put her arm behind her making her face the crowd as he dry humped her from behind. When he dragged her to the bathroom she used the opportunity to escape.

“Come on!” he stressed in a playful tone licking her neck forcing her against the wall

“No stop”  she said weak from the concoction she was never a light weight so this was not the norm for her He hit her thigh “I said come on!” his thigh wedged between hers his tone changed he was being forceful

“Stop Tommy” she tried to fight him off

He held her hands above her with one hand while the other groped her body “You know you want this dick, Harry can’t do you like me”

“Please” she begun to cry she was too weak

Abruptly the door swung open. The man looked at Aria’s face “Yooo chill!”

“I’m not doing nothing” he said stepping away from her with his hands up

She quickly maneuvered from him he reached out for her but her arms were too quick on her way out she fell to the floor. Only managing to stand up and rush up the steps she found a room and locked herself in it. Quickly she dialed Harry’s number forgetting he wasn’t in the US, when she remembered she called her grandmother

“Aria do you know what time it is? im asleep!”

“Grandma please come get me” she sobbed on the phone

“Whats wrong?” she sensed the urgency

“He almost raped me i dont know whats wrong with me”

“You stay there i’m calling the cops”

“NO! please”

“Where are you?”

“Tommy’s house on 3rd bellavue house with all the cars”

“Stay where you are I’m coming!”

It felt like eternity waiting for her grandmother. She was finding herself waking up from an unconscious ous state every 5 minutes. She was fighting to stay awake. Her phone rang 4 times before she awoke

“Hello? Hello? Aria!?”

“….Grandma?”

“Where are you? You tell me now or i’m coming in with my shot gun!”

“I’m coming don’t” she said weak

Slowly she stood up her legs felt like jello, she opened the door and walked to the staircase  held onto the railing with a death grip the party was dying down. She saw him at the corner of her eye he was mingling slowly she walked down the steps trying her best to  not draw any attention to herself.  When she got to the bottom of the stairwell. The door seemed so far away there were so many people in the way she tried to quickly move around them

“Aria? Is that you?” she heard his voice

“ARIA! I’m calling you!” fear took over she was pushing people out of the way, when she reached the door she opened it and collapsed her grandmother already standing outside her car ran towards her

“Aria” he spoke in her ear as pulled her up. She winced away

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” her grandmother threatened

“I’m just trying to help her out”

“YOU TOUCH HER I’LL BLOW YOUR WHOLE FACE OFF!”

His temper rose “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OLD BITCH!” “I GOT YOUR BITCH TOUCH HER AGAIN AND YOU WON’T HAVE A DICK” She whimpered standing up

“Aria are you ok?” she spoke to her helping her up

She limped to the car her ankle sprained

When they got to the house it took her grandmother 10 minutes to wake her up

“Oh thank God! Aria what did you drink?”

“I don’t know” she said turning her head away from her

“Let’s get you in the house”

She slumped on the couch her grandmother close by the whole night.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting migraine confused about what happened

She groaned her memory was hazy, she remembered drinking a blue motorcycle and Tommy being aggressive she remembered him walking her to the bathroom his smile on his face his eyes telling her something else

“Oh mi nieta you’re awake!”

Her voice raspy “Grandma what happened?”

“Thomas tried to rape you!”

She thought “No… what?”

“Aria you called me you couldn’t even stand! you need to call the cops i think you were drugged”

“He what?” she sat up needing to piece things together

She picked up her phone there were texts from Tommy

Tommy: i hope you had fun i had too much to drink

Tommy: im sorry about what i did I love you😗 Aria i would never hurt you i was just fucked up Tommy: shit you were too,

Tommy: grinding on me i miss read the signals, you know that right? You know how i get when im fucked up

Tommy: tell your g ma to chill i was fucked up too shit you were too

Tommy: call me when you get this

Miranda: 😁😀YAY bestfriend you did good!

Her mind tried to remember what happened but it couldn’t dnt her wrist was bruised, she rubbed it to sooth the pain.

“Aria you need to call the cops!”

She shook her head “I don’t”

“Well freshen up clear your head”

“How’d i get home?” she looked around

“I came to get you! that rapist was trying to pull you back in”

She stood up and fell to the ground

“Ahh!”  She grimaced  grabbing her swollen ankle

“I think you sprained it” her grandmother picked up her foot “here put it up let me get some ice”

In the bathroom she undressed she noticed bruises on her neck, her thighs and knees when the skirt fell she covered herself with her hands, she had no underwear, she could not remember what happened to it. In shower she tried the best she could to remember she couldn’t. But she also knew something wasn’t right. she scrubbed hard feeling dirty. She felt a sick feeling from the pit of her stomach she hunched over unable to stop it. She vomited.  

In her sleep it came to her in a flash

She saw herself drinking her drink.That nauseous feeling intensified

“I gotta go I don’t feel good.” she steadied herself by holding his shoulders

“No stay” he rubbed her sides

She shook her head “I’m leaving”

“I said stay” he insisted pulling her back, her back to him he breathed on her neck. She moved her neck  away “Mmmm you have a nice ass” he said before smacking it

She shot up in cold sweats her head pounding was it true? Did he really do that?

She looked at her phone there were texts from Harry. He sent her a screenshot from the tabloid the caption “Looks like you and Thomas had fun, you did great! I watched it! what a way to celebrate😂😋” the picture her hair on her face with one arm behind it looked like they were in the middle of a dance. Her wrist ached as if it had a memory of the pain that was inflicted upon it. Harry was oblivious to the dark truth. feeling nauseous she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Rising slowly she cried looking at herself in the mirror.She blamed herself she should have known better. She should have been more careful.

Picking up her phone there was another message from Harry

Miranda: Bitch call me you look lit😂😜

Miranda: Umm that picture doesnt look right call me 🙁😕😞

Harry: call me when you wake up pet I miss your voice😗.

She snatched her laptop from the floor quickly she searched flights to Manchester leaving the next day. She was willing to pay any price once she got the confirmation email she hopped off the bed and three clothes into her suitcase

Her grandmother walked into her room “Where you going you can’t leave!”

“Manchester”

“Are you going to tell him

“I can’t even remember what happened! if it happened will he believe me?”

“Aria he can’t get away with what he did! now I don’t know how the music industry works but that man cant walk away from what he did to you!”

“I know mimi”

“So call the cops”

“I..” she looked to the bathroom

Her grandmother stressed her point “tell him.. Harry will know what to do…. have you talked to him?”

She shook her head

“I’m not going to let this go”

“I know”

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding”

“Well relax I will finish packing for you”

The next day she found herself in Chicago O’hare limping around she hadn’t told Harry about her plan to stop by.

Tommy: You haven’t called are you ok

Tommy: just call me or send a text to tell me your ok

She felt sick looking at the texts holding onto Mr.H she walked around till her flight departure time. When she landed at 2pm she made a beeline for his condo.

She knocked in the door she quickly wiped away her tears

“Yea yea!”  she heard his voice through the door

He stood confused for a second before his face  lit up

“Poppet! Wha’re yeh doing here?“ he asked lifting her into a tight embrace

“I missed you” she confessed

“Yeh  should have told me!”

“I just did!” she said forcing a smile

He leaned down to kiss her she could only manage a few kisses it was killing her.

“What do I owe this delightful surprise?” she shrugged walking in

“Hey” she greeted his band

“ARIAAA!”

She smiled

“Yeh should have told me really” he said pulling her down on his lap. “ ‘M flying to London tomorrow family time”

“Oh” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll come with me?”

She nodded

“Wha’ happened to your foot?” Weezer asked  

“I fell... heels”

“All that partying yeh ‘nd Thomas did” Harry commented “yeh never texted by the way”

She swallowed hard smiling at him “sorry forgot”

He raised his eyebrow

“So what are you up to today?” she asked

“Last recording session are yeh ok?” he noted her pale complexion

“Yea, just cold”

“Yea we gotta go mate” Stevie said noticing the time

“Oh shit! Yeh want to come?” he said standing up

She shook her head

“Jet lag?”

She nodded

He leaned down placing his forehead on heres “Ok well yeh kno’ where the food is. Don' eat all my bananas. I’ll be back ok?”

She forced a smile fighting the tears “yes”

“Are yeh sure you’re ok?”

She hated that he could read her like  an open book

“Yes” she said kissing him

“One more” he said biting his lip

She wrapped her arm around his neck. It took all the energy she had to put passion into the kiss

“Oi!  we gotta go.” Stevie said

As the  day turned to night she sat crying on the couch. She checked her emails wanting to tell her grandmother she was safe. Her heart dropped seeing Tommy’s name on the list she hesitated to open it. When she did it was a picture of her in the airport the title read Aria party girl rushed to Manchester to see Harry. The caption read Rumor is he called her screaming mad about the picture of her and manager Tommy G. His email: Im fucking calling you and you in UK? We got sessions you better be back by Tuesday. She felt sick to her stomach they couldn’t be more wrong. Sleep finally seeped in after hours of laying awake. Her memory flashed through her dreams

“Come on” he says grabbing her hand he had a goofy smile on his face  pulling her towards the dance floor

“No Tommy” she tries to resist

He pulled harder making her collapse into him “damn baby! I didn’t know you wanted it  like that?” he chuckled

“Stop” she pushes away from him

His hands grab her ass he is holding her in place as he rubs his nose on her neck “you gonna feel so good on my dick”

She sat up immediately tears flooded out of her eyes this couldn’t be happening she thought. She got off the couch and went to  lay in bed. A migraine already thumping through her brain she lay in bed when she heard the door open she turned on  her side pretending to be asleep.

Harry quietly took of his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. She could hear him humming behind the water. When he got in bed he cradled behind her kissing her cheek before falling asleep. As she begun to get sleepy she prayed she wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare. In  the morning her prayers were answered she softly  got out of bed and got ready. Harry woke up an hour later.

“Wha’ do yeh want for breakfast pet?”

“Nothing this is fine”

“ ‘Re yeh sure? you’ve been pushing around the cereal for 5 minutes”  she was in a daze she didn’t notice

She shook her head “it’s fine I promise” she lied

He grabbed her hand “Ok are yeh sure? cuz i’ll get yeh anything yeh want”

“I promise” she said forcing the spoon in her mouth.

When they got to his mother’s house she was greeted with love

“Aria come in we have missed yeh oh I always knew yeh two would get back together!” Anne hugged her

She smiled

“Aria!” Gemma greeted her “finally someone we like… no love”

“When are yeh goin to marry her Harry?”Anne asked

“Oh muuum” he fussed

“ ‘M just saying she took yeh back it’s a sign”  

Gemma chimed in “Yea no one wants yeh but her so yeh need to be in your knees”

“These’re strangers not my family I don’ kno’ wha’ alien planet they come from” he joked causing them to laugh

Gemma grabbed her hand dragging her away from Harry “We have to catch up that dress at the wedding to die for where did you get it?”

“Michael Castello designed it”

There was a lot of catching up to do which Aria gladly agreed to do anything to take her mind off that night

At dinner she sat once again pushing her food

“Do yeh want something else?” Harry whispered

“No!” she got scared “this is fine!” she put a mouthful in her mouth

He gave a look she was definitely being strange. She had no appetite there was a raging migraine  she was trying to calm down. After yawns went around the room after dinner every one retreated to their rooms

“Ok off it pet what’s  the problem?” He asked while they lay in bed. He was trying to find out what was wrong with her

She spoke softly “Nothing”

“No there’s something big show comin’ up?”

“No just thinking”

“About?”

She shook her head and smiled

“Yeh don’ wan’ to talk ‘bout it?”

She shook her head

“Ok” he looked down at her holding Mr.H  “You’ve been holding him awfully tight can’ yeh hold me like tha’ too?” He joked

“No you might break” she teased

“Wha’?”

“You might break” she held back her smile

“Are yeh saying I’m weak?” He asked towering her

“……..Yes”

“Yeh wanna test tha’ theory?” he asked before  kissing her deeply his kisses made her forget momentarily but when he started grabbing  her thighs and kissing her neck is when her mind refused to let it go. She froze eyes shut tight. He noticed the tension in her body he raised up to look at her

“Aria wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“You’re stiff as a board look at me” she opened  her eyes “wha’s wrong?”

She sighed “I can’t…. not tonight”

He huffed “ok” he gave her sweet kisses

“Sorry”

“Don’ be luv is just sex…  I can take care of  myself” he said winking

She giggled “Perv”

“Hey only for yeh”

“I guess I should feel special”

At night her prayers were not answered. Her mind took her back to that night

She looks around people are dancing she doesn’t know where she’s going but Tommy is pulling her towards it.The bathroom door is kicked open and he pushes her inside

“Stop it Tommy” she says trying to walk passed him. He closes the door with his foot. He charges  towards her stuffing his tongue in her mouth. She pushes him away and slaps him. His hand is immediately around her neck his eyes cold and dark he pushes her against the wall. “bitch ill kill you matter of fact” his other hand loosens his belt

“please” she begs clawing at his arm he pulls out his penis, "you know you want this dick" he jams his knee into her thighs forcing them open. “shut up.” He reaches up her skirt to rip off her underwear. He pulls hard making her body jerk forward before the fabric gives way. "Harry cant do you like me" He gets closer kissing her neck she tries pushing him off he places both arms above her head holding them by the hands he reaches between her thighs she’s crying “please” she begs. He stops and looks at her he licks his hand before he palms her vagina. He moans “you wet already, just how i like it”

She shot up from her sleep in a cold sweat immediately she ran to the toilet a violent vomiting spree was to begin.

Harry groaned “Aria?” he turned to his side to confirm she wasn’t there

“Aria” he called sitting up hearing the vile noise. Slowly he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. He knelt down beside her rubbing her back

“Something yeh ate?” he offers explanation

She nods in agreement

When she’s done her hands are shaking she can barely wash her face. She was pale as if she saw a ghost

“Wha’s wrong?” he asked noticing  her expression

She turned around with tears in her eyes if he only knew

“Shhh it was just a dream” he sooths her hugging her tight.

But it wasn’t was it? Tommy really did those things. The reality was setting in.

In the morning she continues to rub Harry’s arm unable to fall asleep she lay awake against his chest

During breakfast she checked her phone

Tommy: Where the fuck are you at

Tommy: you think it’s funny you fucking with my career

Aria: I need more time please

Miranda: so you really gonna ignore me your bff?

Mimi(grandmother): Aria have you told him

Aria: Not yet I will soon I promise

As Gemma and Aria shopped around she tried her best to act natural.

“Are yeh ok?” Gemma asked during lunch Aria even though trying her best was very distant

“Yea!” she said putting on a happy face

“Sure? yeh look pale”

She smiled “Yea lack of sun” she joked

“Tell Harry he owes you a vacation”

She smiled Gemma her biggest advocate always made Harry go out of his way for her “Only if you come too!”

“You know it!”  

As the day wound down she hopped the night would be gentle on her she couldn’t wake up from another nightmare.

“Did you see this?” Harry laughed showing her a picture of her crawling up the stairs. Who would possibly take that picture and furthermore insinuate she was going to have sex with Tommy?

She smiled

“Yeh were having fun weren’t yeh?”

She remained silent

“But ’m glad yeh ‘nd Tommy handled your differences” he said falling asleep

She melted into his chest not wanting to remember anything

The next day she Aria, Anne, and Gemma decided to clean up then treat themselves to dinner. She got multiple texts during the day. People were asking her about the picture.

Miranda: uh you need to call me NOW! i know your ass didnt fuck tommy

Miranda: you disappeared to Manchester whats up☹

Miranda: ARIA what did Tommy do to you? Why did Mimi call me crying???😭😭

Aria: i can’t talk about it Miranda, not now

Mimi: have you told him

Aria: not yet Mimi

Mimi: im not playing do it or  I will

Aria: ok ok

~With Harry~

“Whoa Harry have you seen this?” Weezer asked

“Wha’?”

“Look” he looked at the heading Tommy G accused of sexual assault 2 victims have come forward the caption: ‘Both victims claim it happened in his house we will keep you posted’

He frowned “he didn't” he paused to think  remembering the dirty glances he gave women

“I gotta find out more” Weezer said scrolling through his phone

As the day went on he couldn’t help but think about it. It gnawed at him this was her manager, someone who was close to her.

“Oh shit! Now they are saying one of the girls was assaulted the night he partied with Aria”

Harry tried to shake it off. “no he couln’ have”

Stevie rushed to him“Harry have you seen?”

“Yea” not wanting to be bothered by it

“No look!” Stevie said shoving the phone at him 

Harry looked at him before grabbing the phone he read the words ‘A witness has stepped forward caught him in the act.’ As he read the details his heart rate picked up ‘…. walked in  on him with his female artist.’ Tommy only managed Aria and another female artist who was absent that night

“Have yeh talked to Aria maybe its someone else” they tried to reason

“Did she tell you anything?” Gigi asked

He looked at them “no she would tell me”

When the day ended even Gemma got notifications on social media people were tagging her on the posts. Aria’s phone was buzzing nonstop.

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: dont ignore me im your best friend,…. thunder buddies for life

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: did it happen?

“Aria wha’s this?” Gemma asked showing her the article.  Her heart sank reading the article Tommy was getting charged with sexual assault. Two victims identified one had yet to come forward.  She was the remaining piece.

She shook her head “its nothing”

“They’re saying you’re the other woman is it true?”

“Other woman for what?” Anne asked taking the phone from Gemma’s hand

As Harry rushed to his mother’s house he thought to himself those pictures that were taken, she did look uncomfortable in Tommy’s embrace. The bruised wrist she explained away seemed to be the one he was holding behind her back. She also never got that drunk in public so it was strange that she got that drunk, even when she got drunk she was never that sloppy, falling all over the place hair in her face.

As Aria tried to convince Gemma and Anne that wasn’t her her phone lit up

Miranda: Shit is hitting the fan I hope you told him

Tommy: you bitch

Mimi: hope you told him  

Aria felt her breathing hitch

“Aria this sounds like yeh!” Gemma said reading more articles

“It’s not” she whispered

Harry rushed through the kitchen door he walked in “Aria” he called

She smiled at him but stopped soon after his face was one she couldnt read ”….yes” she answered warily

“Yeh promise to tell me the truth?” it was supposed to be a statement but came out as a question

“Yes anything” she half smiled

“Wha’s wrong Harold?” his mother asked noticing his expression

He paused before speaking standing across from her. His eyes burrowing into her soul. “Wha’ happened that night at Tommy’s house?”

She looked down. Her nightmare was coming to life. It seemed forever when she heard her name being called.

“Aria” Harry called his eyes were becoming more bewildered by the second, her silence was confirming his gut instincts. She looked up at him before looking down. Pulling at her sleeves occupying her hands. She was losing the battle on holding back her tears. It wasn’t long before he called again.

“Aria… I asked yeh a question” his voice assertive he walked closer to her searching for her eyes. His breathing uneven. He needed her to tell him nothing happened. Everyone was looking at her waiting for an answer.

“ARIA!” he screamed in frustration. He startled them.

“Oi! Wha’s going on in here?” His dad asked walking in

The tears won they poured out of her eyes

“Aria tell me wha’ happened!” anger spewed in his voice

“Harold!” his mother scolded in a whisper

“Oh my god!” Gemma said in shock

The whole room came to the realization something dark happened that night. Her behavior made sense now the lack of appetite,the pale look on her face, the vomiting, the insomnia, the night mares.  

“Aria” he whispered she had yet to speak. He needed her to say it was a joke. That there was no way it happened.

She looked up at him with tears rolling down her face, her hands were shaking pulling on her sleeve  “please don’t make me go back to that night” she spoke softly

“Oh!” Anne grabbed her chest “yeh poor thing” Anne immediately rushed to her side and held her in a tight embrace.

“Harry he didn’…. did he?” Gemma looked at him hoping he could offer up a reason

He squatted down. Holding his head. There were no longer butterflies in his stomach from fear of the truth. Fear was replaced with anger which started from his chest and radiated out  “ ’M GONNA KILL HIM!” He said standing up

“Oi! Stop that!”

“Dad not right now!” He paced the floor “…. That BASTARD put his hands on yeh? im going to kill him!

“CALM DOWN HAROLD!” His father said grabbing his shoulders

Aria sobbed in the background. He should have known something was wrong. Her eyes told him something was wrong they were filled with sorrow. He pushed passed his father going outside.

“Oi! come back’ere!” His father chased after him

Gemma knelt down next to her crying and hugging her “Im so sorry Aria”

[btswolfaublog]

When you get into an argument because you followed them when you weren't supposed to

Hello! can you please do one where you get into an argument because you followed him when you weren’t supposed to ( if it’s too complicated you dont need to do it thx!)

-Request from anon (sorry, I wasn’t sure if you wanted reactions or a scenario…)

SEOKJIN

“Jagi? Why are you here?”

You tried to hide behind a wall, to no avail, because he had already caught your scent.

As he rounded the corner and found you there with your back to the wall, intimidated by the way he was towering over you, he said, “I told you not to follow me.”

His face was void of emotion, although his eyes were filled with silent, dark fury. You shuddered and involuntarily shrank back further into the wall, your alpha showing no signs of noticing the motion.

“I-I couldn’t let you go by y-y-yourself. It l-looked d-dangerous.”

He stared you in the eye. “Well, you aren’t really going to be of much help against something dangerous, are you?” This time his voice was gentle, trying to convince you to leave, in stark contrast to the sarcastic words he was saying.

You looked down at the floor, hurt. “I-I’m sorry. I’ll j-just, leave.” The tears started running down your face and you started to turn away and leave the abandoned building before he could say anything else.

He grabbed your wrist. “Wait,” he whispered. “Jagi, be safe, okay?” he gripped your wrist in a way that was tender yet firm and face suddenly animated by the concern in his eyes. “Don’t ever come near here, okay?”

Your eyes were locked onto his as you processed what he said, then you tore your arm out of his grasp and said harshly, “What the hell, Jin. You may be my alpha but you don’t decide everything I do.”

He growled deep in his chest, the fury seeping back into his gaze again. Then he snapped out of it to the emotionless face again, saying in a low voice, “I am not your alpha anymore. I thought I made that clear a month ago. I just want you to stay away from this place.”

“Well, you have no right! You shoved him hard in the chest, which didn’t bother him the slightest, although he reached out to grab your wrist again. “You little-”

“Please, jagi. Just listen to me, for once.” How could he say that when his face still had less emotion than a statue?

“Fine,” you gritted out, “I won’t come to this dratted place anymore. And you’d better not ever come out of here and let me see your ugly face again!”

And you walked out, back into the sunlight, leaving Jin standing there as the mask fell off his face, the pain now bare in his expression.

YOONGI

His eyes widened a fraction when his righthand dragged you in kicking and screaming. You quieted down as soon as you saw Yoongi, lying back in a leather chair, but still trying to shrug off the two thugs that had captured you.

“What is this?” he drawled, keeping his relaxed posture in his seat.

The henchman on your right replied, “We found the omega trespassing on the territory, sir.”

Sir. Yoongi?

No… It couldn’t be…

“Just leave her here,” he said disinterestedly, “I’ll deal with her later.”

Both henchmen released you and bowed, speaking in unison, “As you wish, sir.” You immediately rubbed your shoulders and your wrists which they had grabbed so hard that bruises were sure to form as they left the room.

Leaving you and Yoongi alone.

His teeth were clenched. “What are you doing here?” Your eyes snapped to him, rising out of his leather chair and bounding towards the door, locking it before walking briskly back to you.

“I just need to know-”

He came to a sudden realisation. “You scent-tracked me? You followed me here?!”

“I-”

“Were you just so nosy you had to sneak in?!”

You burst. “What the heck, Yoongi! You’ve been coming back so late the past few weeks and always smelling like alcohol and cigars. If it wasn’t for Jungkook and the rest of your pack that tried to convince me, I would’ve left with my pack! Go back to where we came from! They thought you were cheating!”

He fumed. “You think I’d do that to you? To our packs?” His nostrils flared. “And Jungkook. Why is it always him? If you don’t trust me, then leave.”

You stared up at him with wide eyes, him a few inches taller standing.

He took a deep breath. “Yeah. Leave.” He stepped away and walked back towards his seat to plop down. “I’ll make sure Jisung and Jackson know that you’re useless.”

“You can’t possibly mean that.”

He took this as a challenge. “Yes, I can.”

“We’re mated! Even if at the beginning we thought it was a mistake!-”

“The bond will fade.” You stared at him, wide-eyed, shocked at the resigned way he said it.

“Min Yoongi, do you know what you’re-”

“I do.” He cut you off for what you were determined to be the final time tonight.

You took a deep breath. “Fine. I’m disappointed that all I meant to you was a nice fuck and a temporary relationship. When the bond calls, I hope you’ve got yourself locked up enough not to come salivating after me,” you spit out the last part.

He just nodded, as you walked out of his room with your head high, not knowing the way you were shivering and howling inside. Then he pressed the intercom button on the cable phone on the small table in front of him. “Let the girl go.”

“Yes, sir.” His hoarse voice could be confused as static through the microphone, but the tears on his face couldn’t be seen by anyone. So he sat there for hours, letting the hollowness in him gnaw him from inside out with the door locked.

The pub that had been the entrance to this place. Where you exited. It had been full of people partying and drinking, and now it was empty and your heart just sank further and further as you padded out of it in wolf form, bounding into the forest beyond.

HOSEOK

You saw your chance. Hoseok had been running off in the middle of the night for a few days in a row now, thinking you hadn’t noticed a thing. But you did, and you were determined to find out what it was he had been sneaking out to do.

Creeping out stealthily in your human form (your scent as a wolf was far too potent for your mate not to notice, shame), you went out after Hoseok, who had crept out of your joint bedroom after pretending to be asleep for 15 minutes or so. Does he really think I’m such a lightweight? you thought.

Where was he going? you thought as he ran block after block in the night, heading into shadier territory. Somewhere on the way he had knocked into a stranger, surprised, and then exchanged a couple of apologies before rushing forward again. But then the way he was going started twisting around, going zigzag then gradually moving backward. 

Something was wrong. But you noticed too late.

One corner you lost sight of him and you rushed forward to catch glimpse of him again, tempted to shift into wolf form, and came face to face with Hoseok. “Jagi.”

“Jagi?” you replied, nervous at being caught and still half-shocked from being discovered so suddenly. 

He ran a hand through his hair. “When Yoongi told me I was being tailed, I thought it would be some wolf from a rival pack. Jagi, you’ve got to be more careful! What if I attacked you?” Looking at your confused face, he added, “Yoongi, the guy who pretended to run into me.” 

You puzzled that out in your head for a while, but in the meantime, the tension in the air was palpable. You didn’t understand why Hoseok was so angsty and concerned. “Wait. Why have I got to be more careful? This is our pack territory, and you’re the one roaming around at night without telling your mate or your friends…” you trailed off. “Unless you did. Yoongi knows. Ah, so all of them know.” 

Hoseok smiled bitterly. “I apologize. But you shouldn’t be involved in this, okay? For your own safety.” 

“Involved in what?”

“Just pack stuff. No biggie.” He failed at trying to sound nonchalant. He was nervous, and you wanted to know why. “Please, just go home.” 

“No.”

“I’m serious. The pack doesn’t need you there. We don’t need any of our mates there.” 

You were angered by this. “Why? Why do you- what are you hiding from us?”

He just shook his head. “I can’t tell. And I’ve got to go now.” With a swish of his tail, he shifted and ran away, too fast for you to react, and with a breeze too strong for you to scent afterward.

You spent the next week trying to thwart him and the male part of the pack, trying to break into their defensive circle around whatever hiding place they had established on the edge of the pack territory. Asking Minji, Seokjin’s mate, she had brushed it off and joked about it being a new bachelor pad for the alphas. 

You were certain it was not something so trivial. But were you really ready to confront Hoseok again and again until you found out? 

- admin widow

[exvee]

today i was voluntold to participate in a COMBAT LIFE SAVER coarse.. in the event of a emergency i am qualified to save someones life... its from 0900- UTC... i go the good news(sarcasm), last night at 2000... I then announced i would draw anything for anyone on just about everything IF they take my place in the class.. ...well not everyone raised their hand at once. salty faced, they asked me why dont i want to go? "because in the morning i talk to my girlfriend... i would rather talk to her then be with more dudes.." didnt make a difference... I sat there for a bit watching wonder years day dreaming until i got up and went to the back.. didnt bother to shower.. i undressed and sent you a text letting you know im in bed, hoping your up to talk or w.e i then check my fb and twitter like theres anything to check or anyone sent me a msg at all.. i just really check to see your thoughts or what your doing. i then nvm it all when i see an update, deep sigh and wait till netflix to load up twilight zone... watch it for a bit, i got it minimized and your msgr up just incase you text me i would see it... i fall asleep. the time was 1040 i dreamt about my grandmother last night.. a sudden wake up to thinking it was 2 am, realizing i was only asleep for a hour.. i move the mouse to turn the screen on, checking if you  texted me yet.. i call, text... w.e we had our argument.. i fall asleep not feeling any better. its 130 in the am.. waking up at 6, move the mouse to see if you texted me... and i just lay there staring at the ceiling, "man i dont want to get out of bed today.." i close my eyes forcin myself to sleep, alot of "what ifs" going through my mind, i cant help but be awake. laying there, okay ****... its 7 now, lets just get out of bed, shower... put on a new uniform and start a healthy day.. be strong, its okay.. she'll text you when she misses you, give her time.. she will miss you; it will be okay.. just get up. i cant help but touch the mouse pad and turn the screen back on.. damnit... why did i do that? i look through your pictures saved, every one of them.. i try to touch myself maybe i just need to have sex, im sexual frustrated... didnt even work. fuck it, fuck this desert. rolling out of bed at 730.. i go shower... i must of been in the shower for an hr i thought, letting the water run... it was only 20 mins.. i shave, brush my teeth, comb my hair and go back to the room.. place the soaps and towel away, rub the mouse pad to check.. then get ready... iv had this one acu uniform which fits me just right, gives me the perfect slim shape; not to baggy.. its pressed and everything is new on it, i was saving it for leave in october when i go home in uniform i looked decent, trying to impress you i guess. im not going home in october, so i say wht the heck.. i need something to boost my moral. i look in the mirror, my eyes look a mess... like iv havnt been getting rest and stress... dark shadowed eyes. real heavy. i brush the hair out my face and go on my way. jesus comes in and says hey you going to chow? lets go, i grab my weapon and go. the walk to the chow i hall, i keep my head down as i walk; just so the same i see the same thing every day, take the same path, walk the same way.. see the same people.. give me id to the same guard, nod my head to him as a thank you for letting me in then walk through the same white double doors. the red tile, theres exactly 75 red tiles from the door to the sink where i wash hands, the same soap, it smells like hash i think to myself.. i smell my hands, smells like i just smoked bud take my plate and tray, i tell the iraqi 3 times for 3 boiled eggs.. i get 3 water melon slices and some yogurt.. jesus grabs the same thing but he replaces the watermelon for an apple. man i wish i grabbed an apple i say to myself before i sit down.. we sit there, and eat..  i just day dream as i eat, quietly just listening to jesus and his friend miguel talk, miguel tells me man from the looks of your plate, thats how you stay so skinny.. he was eating a greasy omelet and hash browns... i just look at his plate and nod and continue to peel off my boiled eggs and remove the dry yolk.. looking around at everyone, 5 tables away, i see a group of officers sitting together, there were 3 females and 4 males... sitting there, stuffing their face and laughing among eachother. i look in discus, i them mutter i fucking hate officers.. i see the females and i just get so much anger, i call them a fucking bitch in my head.. jesus says, hey are you okay? yeah im just tired. jesus states his conversation, man im so sick and tired of hearing about cheating spouses, it seems like thats the fling now and days.. wives cheating on husbands, husbands cheating on wives.. girlfriends fucking this person boyfriends fucking this person.. im tired of that shit, if your going to mess around and play the game then be single why waste someones time? noone is more professional than I, he chants as a joke of the creed we recite... i just stare at his mouth as he talks... then his nose, then his had gestures... what the fuck are you talking about jesus i say in my head. the voice in my head is very calm soft spoken toned voice. i eat the eggs, the yogurt and nvmed the watermelon, it was hard and to cold for my liking, we leave. walk back together, silent. same path, same things to see.... desert. jesus pulls out a red apple and bites it.. i look the apple in his hand, man i wish i got a apple i say again in my head. we get back to the shop... i put my weapon in the rack, the same empty spot on the rack i plce my dirty weapon i care so less about, "im never going to use it" i say out loud to my self... and walk to the back of the office. agnew is sitting there on his ipad, drew is sitting there with a flash light pretending its a gun as he shoots me john is on the computer looking at cars and says hey ese, im sorry i unplugged your ipod from the charger to charge mine.. i just stare at everyone with a blank look like dude, idc about none of yall.. i just nod my head as a morning greeting and back to the front i sit on the floor against the wall waiting to go to this CLS class... jesus is coming with me so it might not be all that bad. its 850 by then, he ask if im ready to go down to the Aid station, i tell him hold on. i need to grab something.. when really i just wanted to see if you wrote me back yet.. saying in my head, your so pathetic eric. running to the back just to see if she wrote you, disappointed.. were suppose to let her text us; my mind is talking but my body keeps on moving in disregards to the commands my mind is speaking out. i rub the mouse pad, nothing yet... damn, let me call... no answer... jesus comes, hey man are you ready?.. umm yeeeah, lets go.. i close the laptop as to signify thats it eric, stay off your laptop all day and leave her alone.. i grab my stuff and go. we get there, we sit.. he asks whats wrong, i say nothing.. he ask how we are doing i say good, he ask have i talked to eric i say yes, last night.. he ask hows he doing i say good.... he shuts up, from the tone of my voice he gets the drift.. i dont feel like talking.. he offers a cigarette, i decline and drink my water. the instructor comes out and takes our names down, theres 5 of us... 2 guys from A co. idk 1 guy named collier from Eco. i went to military school with then me and jesus from HHC co.. the instructor, SGT Anol... says well the class was not suppose to be till tomorrow so just com back tomorrow at 0900 in front of this door.. roger, SGT; walking back jesus says hes going to bed... not telling anyone we got released early... so i do the same.. i dont feel like being at work any way.. walk to the back, open the laptop... touch mouse pad.. i check twitter then fb to see if your awake.. so frustrated, i just activate my old fb, i need to talk to scuba or end or my family i say to myself.. i change my profile picture, click on your profile to see if your up again, sigh> i deactivate it again, pointless.. i dont want to talk to anymore... but her i think to myself. i go on twitter, i wonder who ****** was, so i checked his profile out to see if i knew him.. i notice his name lingers around so i just check. i see some photos.. i do recognize him from school.. he got fat from the face i tell myself.. he's ugly... w.e, brittany wont leave me for this guy.. what ifs then come along.. i just exit out and sit out on the pouch for a bit.. i come back in, sit in the same chair.. touch the mouse pad... still no msg.. i then call, then text you whatever comes to mind, i then start to email you my day, a vent of thoughts and actions of my boring dumb life.. you finally msg me..