#it's wild to be a fanfic writer my guys (gender neutral)

[a-plethora-of-peters]

I adore your writing!! Everytime I read your work I feel so so inspired to create - thank you so much for putting your talent into this world :D

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Thanks????

[orenjixstrider]

Bittersweet Jealousy (Tsukishima Kei x Manager!Reader)

Word Count: 2,104 words

Summary: As one of the Karasano managers, it only makes sense that you’d be close to some of the players. However, Tsukishima isn’t all too thrilled with the idea of you being friendly with the King of the Court.

Warnings: Some potty words, I think?

A/N: I’ve written a lot of fanfics, but this is the first one I’ve decided to publish (thank you to @the-broken-halo-writer​ specially for the encouragement). Writing Haikyuu fics is still new to me, but I’m very proud how this came out on. Originally, this was written using my OC as the main character, so the reader is female. However, in the future, I will be using a gender-neutral reader (although bear with me, I do make a lot of mistakes when I try to write using gender-neutral characters). Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy!

Arguments were nothing new to Tsukishima and Y/N. They had been dating since their second year of middle school and had been going steady ever since. She would hope by now that they both knew each other well enough that simple disagreements could not shake or tarnish their relationship.

However, as they stood out in front of the school gate entrance, Y/N was beginning to think otherwise.

It had started out as a little comment, “You seem to be a little too chummy with Kageyama.” Y/N didn’t think much of it at first; it was a part of her job as manager after all.

Halfway through the school year, Kiyoko had approached Y/N and her friend, Yachi, about the manager position for the school’s boy volleyball team. Due to Yamaguchi and Y/N’s encouragement, Tsukishima had joined the team earlier that year. She knew how much he actually enjoyed the sport and she was proud that he was willing to give the club a chance. However, as a result, their schedules began to conflict with one another, making it hard for them to see each other as regularly as they did in middle school.

The idea of being able to see Tsukishima more made the position appealing and it wasn’t long before the two girls both agreed to give it a try. With the job, Y/N had become more acquainted with the club’s members and considered them all to be close.

“Of course, he’s a good friend,” Y/N shrugged nonchalantly as she typed away at her cellphone. It was obvious Tsukishima didn’t see eye to eye with Kageyama, but she figured that he was smart enough to know that their relationship was purely platonic. Tsukishima was not pleased by her response and stopped at the gate’s entrance. It took Y/N a couple of seconds to notice that he wasn’t following behind her anymore, causing her to shoot him a concerned look over her shoulder, “What’s wrong?”

“You don’t think there is anything wrong with your relationship with Kageyama?” Tsukishima asked, his eyebrow raising as if he asserted that there was a correct answer.

“Is this a trick question?” Y/N laughed. It didn’t take long for her giggles to die down when she noticed that Tsukishima’s expression did not falter; as always, he was completely serious. She crossed her arms and met his grimace with an equally displeased stare, “Wait a minute, are you jealous of Kageyama?”

“No way, I just don’t like it when you spend more time with him than you do with me?”

“That’s jealousy,” Y/N rolled her eyes. This was new; she never took Tsukishima for the jealous type. He seemed too stuck up for such a petty emotion. It made her a little happy that he cared, but she tried to reassure him, “I see you every day and I spend all my free time with you, Kei. I’m literally walking home with you right now.”

“You’re still too close with Kageyama,” Tsukishima retorted.

As refreshing as it was to see him caring about her attention, the act was quickly getting old and Y/N was not having it. They had been together two years and he didn’t seem to trust her enough to talk to someone that wasn’t him. Still, Y/N attempted to contain her anger in attempts to reason with her boyfriend.

“What am I supposed to do? Not talk to him?” Y/N asked.

Tsukishima didn’t miss a beat, “Yes.”

“Why?” Y/N was more than shocked. How could he have said that with such confidence. Yes, Tsukishima could be haughty at times, but this was way more than usual, “He’s just a friend.”

“You seem pretty close for just friends,” Tsukishima said suspiciously. Y/N had no clue what he was getting at. The glow of the streetlamps offered very little light on the situation before her and it was only going to get worse, “Sure you’re not cheating on me?”

That had done it. Y/N could understand if he was not too please with her friendship with Kageyama but implying that she would dare cheat when she was nothing except loyal was crossing a line. Did he really have so little trust in her to believe such a notion? Now, Y/N was angry.

“How could you say something like that!”

“You’re not denying it,” Tsukishima scoffed, crossing his arms. He almost seemed like a little kid throwing a tantrum and Y/N was beginning to believe that to be the case.

“I shouldn’t have to!” She exclaimed, “What kind of bullshit are you on? Kageyama is just a friend, like everyone else on the team. Of course, I’m going to be friendly with them because that’s what they are: friends.”

“You don’t act that way with me.”

Of all the excuses he could’ve given, that was by far the worse thing he could have said to her. Although they were only standing six feet apart, Tsukishima could feel the anger that radiated from her. He knew he was pushing her buttons, but he refused to back down.

“That’s because you hate it when I joke around with you,” Y/N said, her clenched fists shaking with anger.

“I never said I hated it,” Tsukishima said defensively, only to have Y/N cut him off.

“Yes, you have!” Y/N shouted over him, her voice breaking the silence that had fallen over the school, “I once tried to tell you a dad joke and you told me to go away because I was being ‘annoying’.”

She wasn’t wrong; in all the years that he’s known her, Tsukishima was never one to entertain her terrible jokes.

“Well, just because you don’t do it with me doesn’t mean you should do it with another guy,” Tsukishima pointed out.

“Unbelievable,” Y/N let out an irritated sigh. Most of the time, she was extremely patient with him. People often complimented how well she dealt with Tsukishima and it was something she often prided herself on. But at this moment, she had reached her limit and the mere sight of him made her want to punch something.

Y/N refused to let her emotions get the better of her and attempted to walk around Tsukishima. If he wasn’t going to try and see her perspective, maybe he needed some time apart to think about what he was saying before making wild accusations.

“Don’t walk away from me,” Tsukishima grabbed her wrists, but she wrenched herself out of his grip as if he had touched her with a flame.

“What am I supposed to say to you?”

“Why can’t you just admit that you’re wrong?”

“Because I’m not!” Y/N cried desperately in hopes that it would get through his thick skull. For someone who she admired for being so logical and cunning, he was being completely irrational, no matter how much sense she tried to talk into him, “You don’t actually believe that I shouldn’t be friends with other boys, do you?”

“I would prefer if you didn’t,” Tsukishima admitted and Y/N’s temper flared.

“Tsukishima, you have to accept the fact that I’m going to have friends who are male,” Y/N sighed, rubbing her temple to soothe the headache that she could feel forming, “I don’t understand why it’s so bad if I get along with your teammates.”

“That’s the problem, Y/N,” Tsukishima interrupted, “It’s the fact that you get along so well with them that I don’t like.”

“But why?” Y/N had never seen him so frustrated before and her curiosity kept her from letting out a snarky comeback. Tsukishima wasn’t looking at her, but the moonlight lit up his troubled expression. For the first time, he seemed to struggle with his words, which was different from the witty boy she had come to know. After a long pause, he spoke again.

“I know I’m not the best boyfriend; I’m painfully aware that you could do so much better than me,” Tsukishima began to close the distance between them, reaching up to grasp her cheek, only to instantly pull his arms back tightly to his sides, “I can’t change the fact that this is the way I am. I’ve tried to act differently, believe me, but I always revert back to who I am because it just feels natural.

“And I’m scared that one day you’re going to finally notice how much better off you’d be with someone like Kageyama.”

Silence once again engulfed the couple. Y/N refused to meet his gaze, almost as if she was refusing to acknowledge his presence. He could tell by the intensity of her stare that she was trying to contain her emotions, but it was useless when she wore them on her sleeve. The anger and frustration were evident, but Tsukishima could see the sadness and pain that peaked out from underneath. For a moment, Tsukishima had realized the magnitude of his words’ effect on her, which caused guilt to swell painfully into his chest.

He knew this was his fault. In reality, Y/N had done nothing wrong and he was just being selfish. However, he was extremely prideful, one of the only flaws that Tsukishima would ever admit about himself. It prevented him from doing a lot of the things Y/N expected of him as her boyfriend. Why wouldn’t she look for someone else when anything they could give her was much more than what he had to offer and Tsukishima painfully considered the idea that maybe she’d be better off without him.

“Maybe…” Tsukishima whispered, almost under his breath, “Maybe it would be better if we broke up…”

“Tsukishima, wait,” Y/N looked up at him. Shock painted her beautiful features and it took everything in him not to reach out to her. She inched a bit closer to him as if testing the treacherous waters that lay before her. The space between them was almost non-existent, but Tsukishima still did not move.

Y/N took a deep breath, her eyebrows furrowed as she chose her words carefully, “I know you can’t change. I know you’re a stubborn asshole who hates giving affection almost as much as he hates to admit that he’s wrong.”

“Wow, thanks,” Tsukishima instinctively muttered, but shut his mouth when she shot him a look that dared him to interrupt her one more time. He raised his arms in mock surrender and motioned for her to continue.

“But… I’m not asking you to change how you act,” Y/N insisted, placing her hands on his chest while she drew random shapes into his uniform, “If I didn’t like how you acted, I wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place.”

“Actually, I was the one who asked you…” Tsukishima didn’t need to look down at Y/N to feel the heat of her glare, “Sorry, I’ll shut up.”

“What I’m trying to say is,” Y/N stated a bit louder, “I like you for who you are and I always have. You can be an insufferable prick, but you’re my insufferable prick. You sometimes suck at this whole “relationship” thing, but I know that doesn’t mean you don’t love me.”

That was true. No matter how mean he was, it never changed how much he appreciated her. Besides Yamaguchi, very few people were as persistent at remaining at his side as Y/N and that was something he loved about her.

What had been a very sweet message was ruined the next time that Y/N opened her mouth, “Your pride is also bigger than your dick, but size doesn’t matter.”

“Okay, I get it: I’m terrible the majority of the time. Can you get to the point?”

“My point is that I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Y/N stated matter-of-factly, “My goal is to make friends, not find someone to replace you. You should know that.”

“I know,” Tsukishima admitted bitterly before snaking his arms around her waist to pull her closer.

“And if you want this relationship to last, you’re going to have to get over yourself and accept that. Jealousy is not a good color on you, Kei,” Y/N teased.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and pressed his lips softly to her forehead to hide his face, “Maybe if you stopped making me jealous…”

“Kei,” Leave it to Y/N to make a threat out of his name. He let out an exasperated groan, but the corner of his lips rose into an adoring smile.

“I get it already, stop nagging me,” Tsukishima scooped her small hand into his own and began to tug her in the direction of the way home, “Let’s get going, maybe we can get ice cream from the coach’s shop.”

“Only if you pay.”

“Yeah yeah, I already know.”

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)