#its a shame that this show was so bad lmao this couldve been good

[agentdammers]

“Cyberwoman”

its the big one........... the Infamous....................... torchwood 1x04.....

let’s do this nasty thing

- How do i even begin to describe this episode? theres A Lot to unpack here. like. a lot

- the opening scene with everyone being RRRRRRROWDY and playing basketball in a confined space is cute but also, feels misplaced? random lmao, bizarre,

- ah! this episode!!!!! this episode that has haunted me since it’s original airing, in 2006!!!!!!!! this episode, irremovably burned into my skull, until the day that i finally die, and know peace!!!!! this Accursed fucking episode!!!!

- where do i begin, to try and word my feelings? lets begin with the cyberwoman herself: What In The Good Godded Fuck someone involved in this show, at some point, decided that this cyberman needed to be sexy. like that definitely happened, and theres nothing we can do about it. like that happened, for real. so they put this character, this half converted cyberman, in to a Metal Bikini because, yknow!!!!! why WOULDN’T the cybermen’s internal design involve some kind of protruding tittied Pussy Out look? and this was done with 100% sincerity, this was intended to be taken seriously. truly incredible. bad to look at.

- if you can suspend your belief for just a sec to get past the fact there’s a fullblown actual canon Sexified Cyberman running round with her puss out in this ep, baffling yet even further is the fact that ianto Apparently managed to smuggle not only a cyberman into the hub, but also, all that fucking equipment???? like the entire cyber conversion unit????? this is crrrrrazy!!!! The fact this stuff was in the hub alone and no one seemed to ever, at any point, have gone “hey.... whats down there?” or otherwise actually fucking looked around their entire Secret Base (which implies that Anything could have been in there and theyre too dumb to ever have known) is mindblowing but like, the sheer SCALE of the stuff thats down there!!!! its a full conversion unit!!!!!!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!

- returning to the metal bikini just one more time: the only sense i can make of this design is that if, canonically, all cybermen regardless of their original gender, are all wearing metallic bikinis under their outer casings. which would be Rad as hell actually

- i love that this episode really just goes 0-100 with ianto out of the blue, before now he’s done and said p much Fuck All and suddenly he’s right in the middle of this absurdly dark storyline simultaneously Begging for death while trying to save someone who is Absolutely set on killing fucking everyone else

- saying that i actually really LIKE just how chaotically dark this episode is and its one of the aspects of this (aside from the Bad Shit like metal bikini and the secret in the basement nonsense) that has made it perhaps the most Memorable ep of the entire show for me????

- return of the fantastically bad BBC cgi!!!! our tv licence pennies have Not gone to the parts of the programming that i would have liked lmao

- ianto is a really aggressively ugly crier. bad to look at part deux

- i hate the owen/gwen kiss lmao. like on his part, i understand but girl!!!!!! u have a bf waiting at home!!!!!!! who loves you!!!! youre gonna kiss this pasty little asshole in the dark, for why??? Shame On You!!!!!!

- “I was on top of you i could feel your hard on” That’s His Packer Babe ! trans owen 2k18

- after all this, the ending is just, so fucking brutal???? like the entire team fucking lines up like a firing squad and lets rip on lisa, u couldve taken her out in like a headshot guys!!! they just keep shooting and shooting her!!!!!! after feeding her to myfanwy, no less!!!!!! FUCKING RUTHLESS

- on the subject of which, i like that ianto calls jack out in the episode and calls him the monster. bc it seems that like, aside from gwen who is new and not used to the way they do things, the way the rest of the team reacts to things is so fucking shocking lmao. “oh we’ll just plant a body and fake this alien victims death” its so flippant, its good to see another member of the team actually go Maybe Yall Are Fucked Up instead of just shrugging off the way that they are

- anyway thats it!!!! episode done, and so sets the ball rolling of ianto just being absolutely fucking ready to die(tm), you poor poor welsh son of a bitch