#its almost 7 in the morning i literally havent slept at all i stayed up til four to finish this and then just never went to sleep

[saturnsfather]

a golden boy

[shytiff]

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know). 

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

[gothic-gnosis]

hi

so a lot has happened. ill go in chronological order.

so i got up this morning, and i wore a REALLY good fit, i felt really good about myself but school was so fucking boring today. i got hot boxed at 10 then again for an hour at lunch. i dont smoke and ion wanna die hitting a bong so everybody just blows the second hand smoke in my face LMFAO. good friends.

anyways. judas woke up and we started arguing immediately. til i got home from school. he showed me more of the screenshots between him and that girl. and she called him and everything bruh. she messaged him Multiple times. like literally 7 hours worth of messages, its really clearly obvious hes just. deleted parts of things he said. i dont understand why a girl who he claims he didnt flirt with would keep messaging him for 7 hours, call him and talk to him. she knows we're dating now, she hasnt came to stream yet but i have a feeling she will. last night i had no idea, she was donating hella bits and shit too . and judas didnt say anything about that to me. and he didnt ignore her in chat either even though she did all of that .

anyways. heres the reason i started typing in the first place.

so, my friends posted in our school chat that theyre all gonna hang out in a cafe in oceanside to study. i suck at studying on my own, i need people to hold me accountable or i just wont do it, so i literally havent done anything since i became a senior. oceanside is an hour away for me, so i knew it was kinda a long shot asking my parents, but my mom said yes. three of my friends are going and i want to be invited to more things. but my dad said no and kept lecturing me on why i cant and "i wanna do fun things too but you dont see ME doing them" and i'd already said "okay". i've never had real friends before and when i finally found some that are good for me, they tell me i cant hang out with them. my dad used to get so infuriated that i sat in my room for my entire 16th year but then im almost 20 and he keeps me home. its so unfair.

i'm genuinely not the type to go out and do shit, most of highschool i just cried and slept and stayed inside, i was homeschooled so it was easy to do. now i wanna actually see everything i missed out on. they're really lucky my friends are actually really chill and dont like pressuring me into doing drugs if im not comfortable, they don't like the way judas treats me and they listen if im upset. idk. i like having friends outside of judas. i like feeling like people want me around. i like feeling like if i disappeared, itd matter. idk. schools made me so much less depressed.

anyways. another thing. last night i asked judas to watch the pink moon tonight with me but i doubt he will without arguing. earlier today we were arguing about it because i just wanted to do something different, watching the moon together is cute idk?? who wouldn't want to watch the moon with their cute ass goth gf?? him apparently? he said im like an instagram art hoe, neither of us have ig btw so he's going off 2018 instagram, and that really hurt because i thought it was cute and different for us because we argue pretty much every night. idk. i hope he sits with me the whole time. i love moonlight .

monday april 26th 2021, 9:37 pm

[portmack]

oh wow not again

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?- no

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?- no

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”- cat

4: what’s something you really want right now?- to figure out what im doing with my life

5: are you afraid of falling in love?- no

6: do you like the beach?- sure 

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?- no

8: what’s the background on your cell?- something from a game

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?- what does that mean

10: do you like your phone?- i upgraded a few months ago after like 3 or 4 years

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?- no

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?- one of my bosses last summer lmao 

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?- ive had 2 poodle mixes and they dont shed so probably poodle

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?- i guess physical because im used to the latter at this point

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?- a zoo if its a good zoo like animal protection wise etc

16: are you tired?- yeah

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?- if that means alphabetically ive known kany since augustish of 2011

18: are they a relative?- no

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?- i dont have exes

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?- no

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?- sure 

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?- no

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?- one

24: is there a certain quote you live by?- no

25: what’s on your mind?- ggggggggggg

26: do you have any tattoos?- no

27: what is your favorite color?- blue

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?- what kind of question is that

29: who are you texting?- no one

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?- no

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?- sure

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?- i guess

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?- not currently 

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?- yes

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?- thats not a question

36: were you single on valentines day?- sure

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?- this thing is so obsessed with kissing

38: what do your friends call you?- nic

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?- yes someone said they were getting me coffee and then didnt

40: have you ever cried over a text?- yes

41: where’s your last bruise located?- idk im not a bruiser 

42: what is it from?- idk

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?- my last roommate

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?- my mom probably

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?- no

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?- only in the winter

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?- no

48: do you make supper for your family?- i can make pasta

49: does your bedroom have a door?- yes

50: top 3 web-pages?- idk anymore 

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?- probably

52: does anything on your body hurt?- my back 

53: are goodbyes hard for you?- not when its happening but later sometimes

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?- water

55: how is your hair?- its the longest its been in like 6-7 years

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?- chekc my phone

57: do you think two people can last forever?- sure

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?- i was 11

59: green or purple grapes?- i dont eat grapes because the skin freaks me out

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?- im not a hugger

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?- sure

62: when will be the next time you text someone?- whenever kany texts me because shes literally the only person i text because shes the only person who will put up with me

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?- asleep

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.- sleeping

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?- yes it was terrible

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?- no

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?- no

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?- fuck its 7am

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?- all the time

70: how many windows are open on your computer?- 3 internet windows and you dont want to know how many tabs

71: how many fingers do you have?-...10?

72: what is your ringtone?- whatever the default iphone one is idk i never have the sound on

73: how old will you be in 5 months?- 22

74: where is your mum right now?- asleep

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?- idk but the first person i ever liked is a trump supporter now so idc

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?- no

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?- no

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?- didnt have crushes until 11th grade

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?- many

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?- no

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?- 0

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?- no

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?- no

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?- i would never a. be drunk and in public and b. do that

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?- ya

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?- last movie i saw in theaters was with kany 

87: who was your last received call from?- my mother probably

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?- nah

89: what is something you wish you had more of?-$

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?- yes and never again

91: do you sleep with your window open?- if its hot inside and cold outside

92: do you get along with girls?- sure

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?- sure

94: does sex mean love?- nah

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?- no

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?- no

97: did you sleep alone this week?- ya

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?- no

99: do you believe in love at first sight?- no

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?- no idea

1: If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?- pls dont do that to me

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?- im not too sentimental about clothes

3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue?- streaming maybe

4. What does your perfect room look like?- i dont care that much i just want to be comfortable

5. How often do you play sports?- not much anymore but i wish i did

6. What fictional place would you like to visit?- hoenn

7. What job would you be terrible at?- economist

8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?- probably in middle school

9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for?- g

10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?- being late

11. What job do you think you'd be really good at?- something sciency

12. What skill would you like to master?- color

13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on?- im not too interested in adventures at this current time

14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?- i dont need much as long as the wifi is good

15. What's your favorite drink?- iced coffee or grape propel

16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?- not a huge fan of ny 

17. What songs do you have completely memorized?- i could list a couple thousand probably

18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?- pokemon i guess

19. What do you consider to be your best find?- wtf does that mean

20. Are you usually early or late?- im all over the place

21. What pets did you have when you were growing up?- dog cat dog 5 fish dog dog ratdog

22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?- a lot of things

23. What takes up too much of your time?- being depressed

24. What do you wish you knew more about?- animals

25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years?- wtf

26. What are some small things that make your day better?- 

27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to?- saintseneca

28. What's the best way to start the day?- pancakes

29. What TV shows do you like?- havent watched a tv show in a while

30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should?- idk what channels there anymore are i dont watch much tv

31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished?- some of my classmates from my department

32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?- idc

33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?- most of them

34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend?- relaxing

35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without?- i guess my computer

36. What is your claim to fame?- dont have one

37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way?- i dont use icloud

38. What's your favorite book or movie genre?- dont have a specific one

39. How often do you people-watch?- not much because i get paranoid

40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?- nothing

41. What's the best day of the year?- idk

42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?- idk

43. How do you relax after a long day of work?- sweatpants

44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched?- gintama

45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home- zurich airport

46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen?- idk

47. What is the most annoying question people ask you?- about my eating disorder

48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?- overwatch

49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do?- i wouldn’t

50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?- whatever

51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting?- not really interested in either

52. What's your dream car?- i cant drive

53. What's worth spending more on to get the best?- technology

54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get?- superhero movies

55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?- anything

56. Where is the most interesting place you've been?- spain i guess

57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it?- nothing really

58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?- not much

59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again?- gintama

60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?- wish i knew

61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see?- my 37 second rubiks cube record obviously

62. How different was your life 1 year ago?- not really sure its a blur

63. What quirks do you have?- lmao

64. What would you rate 10/10?- thats so vague

65. What fad or trend do you think should come back?- 

66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen?-im too tired idk

67. What kind of art do you enjoy most?- idk cool fanart of things i like i guess

68. What do you hope never changes? - idk

69. What city would you most like to live in?- wish i knew

70. What movie title best describes your life?- no idea dont you just love my answer sz z

71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now?- i need a job

72. What's the best way a person can spend their time?- doing what they want

73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make?- i got woodshop student of the month in middle school bitch dont fucc with me

74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been?- idk

75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?- a few things i didnt deserve 

76. Where would you rather be from?- idc but saying youre from nj is embarassing

77. What are some things you've had to unlearn?- idk

78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?- hopefully getting my life together

79. What website do you visit most often?- idk

80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford?- a lot of things

81. Where do you usually go when you have free time?-my room

82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?- asleep

83. What's special about the place you grew up?- it feels like an entirely different world here

84. What age do you want to live to?- idc

85. What are you most likely to become famous for?- idk

86. What are you absolutely determined to do?- idk anymore because i have a degree now in something i dont live anymore

87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?- idk i more or less know how to do brain surgery on a rat i guess thats impressive 

88. What do you wish you knew more about?- everything

89. What question would you most like to know the answer to?- why

90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person?- why

91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major?- i feel like ive been pretty fixed for a while

92. What's the best compliment you've ever received?- idk

93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do?- die

94. Who inspires you to be better?- my answer would be stupid

95. What do you want your epitaph to be?- dont want one

96. What haven't you grown out of?- idk

97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in?- im not good in a lot of situations

101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future?- hopefully not be depressed

102. What keeps you up at night?- a lot of things

103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had?- ...

104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done?- underage drinking im a madman

105. How do you get in the way of your own success?- i lose the ambition and give up on everything ive ever done

106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?- a lot

107. What is your biggest regret?- i fucked up my life long term a lot when i was 13

108. What do you look down on people for?- ignorance about science

109. What bridges do you not regret burning?- idk im not usually the burner

110. What lie do you tell most often?- lmao

112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?- im losing control

118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?- im the most promising of my cousins but little do they know i have no ambition and cant get out of bed  

120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have?- im not explaining the answer to this question but i am in a bad situation

121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die?- idc

122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?- dont do it

124. What's the best thing about you?- you tell me

125. What blows your mind?- science

126. Have you ever saved someone's life?- yeah

127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at?- nothing really

128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?- backwards

129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?- i cant think of any im one dimensional

130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?- most are burn scars but above one of my eyes theres a scar because my dog popped a chicken pock when i was a baby

131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life?- wtf are you doing

132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life?- age 7 age 13 age 18 age 19

133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned?- life sux

134. What do people think is weird about you?- a lot apparently

135. What mistake do you keep making?- everything

136. What have you created that you're most proud of?- idk

137. What do you doubt?- idk

138. What are some of your morals?- idk its not that hard to be a good person

139. What do you want to be remembered for?- nothing

140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?- i didnt really have much of a childhood grew up to fast

141. What is your favorite fragrance?- my nose doesnt work

142. What do you think your last words will be?- idk

143. Who or what do you take for granted?- idk

144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?- idk i dont talk much 145. What is something you're insecure about?- a few thigns

146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received?- idk i feel like most of the advice ive received has been bad which has led me here

147. What irrational fears do you have?- bees

148. What makes a good life?- idk

149. What's the last adventure you went on?- college

150. What is the most memorable gift you've received?- not sure

[shytiff]

Small Nov Wins

1 - cant bring myself to study, got out of bed 10:30-ish am. While lazing around i read royal servant and do random internet stuff and watched romee's vlogs. Ate breakfast and i somehow has no appetite?? This is rare. e, cicil kompre began at 15:30 pm (i know, i waste my time a lot). Pengumuman wahana mpi wow yay kalideres makara and budi asih

2 - the weather was pleasantly cloudy. poli anestesi anak, simul. went to what used to be calais, its called flavola now. at this point i quite need some calories because i only ate bubur ayam and its like 2-3 pm ish. Eventually the hunger is gone, arrived home at about 4-ish, drank protein to curb my hunger (nanggung dinner). dad said sumn that annoyed me so after maghrib i just lazed in bed, not feeling like doing anything (even though there’s lots of exams and hw lmao), fell asleep

3 - woke up at 2 am, prated, randomly searched for angel - chancellor and taeyeon’s lyrics and i basically wept at 4 am. i assumed the song was just like,,, a guy talking to a girl, his angel, you know. EXCEPT,,,,,,,,. the 2 MVs was also rly222 beautiful 🥺. Poli geriatri today, didnt even see patient because there was no more at that time (status salin nadia). ate ichiban salad (surprisingly quite good) at dm bcs i rly do be functioning better outdoors, made matcha latte with full cream milk ((powder)), cicil PT

4 - can finally wake up late. finished 1 sitasi pt, made ikk ppt, bujing lina called about diarrhea and nausea meds, laddered the leader for tomorrow’s exam and it,, was,,, me,, group call with shiko. frantically studied for EA

5 - PT (finished in 45 mins), simul as a leader, with STEMI, VF and hypoglycemia case. somehow made it through. i suck at dosages omggg. PP by car with mom (not rly that tired) but i SLEPT after i got home and had no mood to study helpppp

6 - did my first swab test today. i pushed the doctors hand when she’s doing oropharyngeal swab im sorryyyy 😂. slept. matcha. cicil kompre

7 - still havent finished ikk (deadline: today), and still havent studied for geri and ikk AND i still managed to take a nap. why. Read a bit of kompre. Not sleepy after matcha, but insted i reread bj alex and tsubaki chou lonely planet until 2 am the next day #rippriorities

8 - im having matcha latte seven days in a row as of today :))))) woke up at 10:30 am, went to flavola with atikah and got strawberry yakult (tasted like es mony), arrived home at abt 7-ish am and there no dinner, so i drank protein and ate japota honey butter. My breakfast was chicken porridge, so my diet is sooo liquid today. Rip proper nutrition (ate buryam, lumpia, japota for the whole day and drank 3 beverage). Cicil kompre and studied geri

9 - suma geri, slept, cicil kompre, ny head kind of hurts

10 - my head still hurts, suma ikk with dr herqu and dr retno, didnt take swab result by car because the TRAFFIC in soetta so my brother took it. Thankfully negative.

11 - lulus kompre alhamdulillah, the examiner were Prof Saptawati and dr. Dani from THT. Dr dani still remembered me :"") they were very kind. Went to tamel for first wahana: klinik makara UI. Picked up masker first at mahmudas place, and then went to depok. On the way i was interviewed by maba 2020 wtf im so old. Cleaned up my room with the fam, printed sumn in barel (its quite empty there)

12 - first day at klinik makara ui. i WALKED. such wow. fixed my shoes in kutek. had breakfast in barel and bahari for lunch-dinner. somehow i felt very drained. bought Dapur Alya (nutella and regal) and 2 salads from Salad Point since there was 11.11 promo. Put all of them in the fridge. Read Fools and its sooo good omg

13 - had salad and left over bahari rice for brekkie. went to clinic by grabbike :)))), had my first teleconsultation experience today, a chemical trauma case. suma ea with the help of shiko

14 - woke up at 5:20 ish and i jogged a bit at ui lmaoo. fisip - ft - fisip. By 6:30 im already back at my room. 1 hour can be spent a lot of different ways, it turns out. Washed my clothes. Ate monstercheese pizza. Slept a bit. Went to blok m with ara (she was late as always, surprised her with koi milk tea), ate futago ya (greasy cheesy milky goodness, enak tapi eneg afterwards), bought red bean bread at la mouette, bought discounted onigiri bento box at papaya. We went to m bloc space, looked around, ate gelato at kebunide (blueberry: yum, fresh, kiiinda feels artificial, salted caramel: delicious but makes me thirsty) and did photobox at connectoon. Walked to mrt asean but turns out!! for weekends mrt is closed at 8pm. Took grabbike to sudirman, seeing the pretty city and people just hanging out, playing skateboards on the wide sidewalks.

15 - planned to go jogging with salemba frens but i woke up late (06:45), so i just lazed around. Ate onigiri bento (super worth it for 25k for the proteins), fell asleep again 10ish to 14:30 lmaoo. The doms from yesterday was present even on the right side of my lower back 🙂 the red bean bread made me feel full, and the red bean was not too sweet, which i love. Reviewed some meshwork materials i missed. Fianti called and we talked abt her and hari

16 - had mujigae for sahur and fish bite for iftar. The fish was not as soft as fish streat, but the flour was definitely better and crunchy. But it doesnt have the seasoning micin like fish streat do. The pasta was quite a lot im in food coma afterwards. Fell asleep, and my stomach was so gassy that i woke up in the middle with a headache that does not play around. Fortunately it dissapeared in the morning

17 - breakfast is rice kimchi and abon lmaoo just pretend it makes sense. The scrubs i ordered finally arrived. I fell asleep AGAIN, WHYYYY. Lost my streak in DL, i guess i can stop using it for now.

18 - finished reading blood link, girlll i thought the human died at the end. Did not buy food today wow. Took a nap and cicil kompre.

19 - brekkie at barel. Helped measuring antropometry today at clinic, and also measured my own. The fucked up thing was that i THOUGHT my body fat is still at 28% compared to the past (dr rina's research). So i looked at the old paper AND. I USED TO HAVE. 35% FAT 🙂 even my memories are in denial and are fooling me. All this time i thought i was at 28 🙂 did swab at rsui. The one swabbing was from fkui 2012 and we had small talk. It hurted more than lmk :( now this does feel like drowning in water (cause before i said "nah its not like water in nose"). Took angkot back to tamel, bought piscok lumer pocin and its soooo gooood ugh

20 - i feel like if i have breakfast with leftover rice and abon and sozzis i get hungry faster lmaoo. Ordered ken karaage from kukusan, yaa okela for 25k with ongkir. Did online posbindu education through wa. BTS BE COMEBACK 🥺 i maximized my wifi time (no wifi at tamel) so i listened to the whole album. My mobile data is at 200MB lol. Read a good longreads from the atlantic, about down synd and genetic screening. The writing is so so good im just blown away. And teary eyed.

21 - ran a bit, solid class (gastro, rheum, infection), embryo, webinar about sleep by dr Gita Anindyajati, SpKJ, bought ayam geprek gold chick (lotsss of oil since i ordered tempe, jamur, egg, bought pop cookies. matcha cheese was actually better than i expected (the combination somehow fits), dark chocolate and marshmallow is very chocolatey like mom’s brownies, and vegan strawberry cookie with a hint of mint. i wonder how they replace the egg. I wonder why after i run i dont feel hungry for a moment. bloating just gooes away

22 - joined kris' healthy weekly event (lmao) in tamsur. They went to epiwalk first. Its difficult for me to run w mask, ngl. Went back to tamel, embryo, ate leftover meal from gold and chick, felt somehow drained to the bone so i just laid in bed and lazed and lazed. Theres no soreness, but the weakness was generalized lmao. Ordered bbq chicken almond salad from salad point, it was actually quite fulfilling and delishhh (added chili sauce to the dressing). Literally laid in bed from 7 until i fell asleep and woke up at 6 the next day. Finished readin shame application lmao

23 - i still feel tired ckckck. No doms, but i feel like i just want to lay down. got DV patient today at clinic, its most likely derm numularis??? Ate salad and dark choco marshmallow cookies in the evening and that cookie. Is so damn sweet im just thinking about the increase in my blood sugar. And i like sweets so!!! Never thought id find sumn too sweet. Washed my clothes and cicil ukmppd (i put things about studying ukmppd in habitica now)

24 - ate tanoshi sushi and ufo ramen for bfast, ate the sushi again for lunch and after waking up from my sleep i tried kokku ramen (so so, but the egg yolk's good)

25 - bfast: superbubur, protein shake and cookies. (did not make me feel full long enough). Ordered burger from EATG (so so, burger bener is better) for lunch. Last day at makara ui. Ara arrived coz shes staying here in tamel. Waiting for mom to arrive from cibubur, she arrived at about 20:30. I passed out at home

26 - first day in pkm kalideres, i volunteered to be pj to avoid RSUD. my room is a mess, i feel tired after i go back. maybe its the physical withdrawal (?) because i dont walk like when im on klinik makara. came to pkm thinking i wont do anything (orientation only) but the 6 of us ended up going. i was at igd. i saw nail extraction and injected ats for another patient 

27 - talked for almost an hour with the doctor at poli lansia. went home, felt sooo tired, i slept and actually showered after maghrib. originally planned to go to sbux but i was just tired af. my mood was horrible at home. 

28 - turns out i started my period today. i havent studied at all during pkm kalideres era. embryo. slept again. read some manga by nishin something with the psychological and BL genre. 

29 - embryo. cut my hair, showered, and felt better. fell asleep on dr gita's lecture. Drank cimory banana milk with a bit of matcha powder. I dont know if its the sleep, or a bit of caffeine, but my mood feels better and im more awake. Cicil ukmppd with a slow pace. Read itasaku ff. Slept at about 2 am

30 - surprisingly, i dont feel sleepy when i wake up. poli anak today, surprisingly i got perinatology case (jaundice). presented it on pleno. for bfast i ate 3 slice of bread (2 with meat and cheese, 1 choco and cheese) and protein shake, lunch: a slice of choco cheese bread and a banana, fell asleep, dinner: 1 bakwan, a banana and nextar. i can feel that the calories i got today is even less than what i usually got (and usually i already try to limit calories that i am counting the intake amout and made sure im not too far from my bmr lmaoo (~1100)