#its def gonna be the next thing i start posting after giants

[liathgray]

I know it's just a WIP, but I keep associating you with that Capra fic. *smacks lips* It just seem so tasty.

(For those of you who don’t know, Capra is going to be an internal crossover between fma03 and fmab wherein 03 Ed gets tossed into the brotherhood verse! Chaos ensues, of course)

Secret story... humm okay well I’m still in the outlining phase but one of the plot points has to do with the brotherhood gang trying to decode some notes that have words in another language sprinkled in.

The problem? One of the words is something that doesn’t exist in Amestris, they mistralate, thus the code-breaking comes to a standatill for a while.

I spent a good four hours researching langues and, differences in syllabic stresses, context consanates and how they’re pronounced, translating etc. I ever had an hour long talk with my friend who is an anthro major/ linguistic minor about what would be the most realistic way to mistralate the word all for the sake of a relatively small scene that I could’ve easily changed to a simplier cipher but On God i am DETERMINED to make these mysteries worth solving!!!!!

[fallingsunflower]

BESTIES I'm so sorry - I hit my post limit waaaay earlier than expected! Some of y'all joined me on my backup account, (which I also hit the limit on lmao), but I'm back now.

I had over 400 asks to go through and I'll give you a warning that not all of them will appear (either because they were old or because they were topics we already answered). But here is a giant list of asks I compiled for you from when I wasn't allowed to post lol they don't really require my response but I found them entertaining to read. Hope you don't mind I've just put them all together in one post. It's also to save me from using up my 250 posts lol

"this is all so embarrassing like my god imagine when the promotion of the movie starts how horrible it will be for other people who made the movie too"

"SELL UR TICKETS TODAY WATCH THE MOVIE ILLEGALLY, next article we’ll be talking about these two assholes filing for bankruptcy. cheap harlots. don’t mess with your meal ticket."

"hate to say it but i defs think they‘ve got a sliver of the gp’s attention for five minutes"

"I am scanning through all these photos looking for just ONE where he looks like he's smiling and enjoying this. It's so crazy."

"I guess those are all the pics we’re getting right now. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they finish the Italy trip off with one more major Backgrid photo shoot."

"Olivia’s trending on Twitter but not Harry. Like it’s obvious who’s getting the PR gains here!"

"If they dont give us a 6 month or more break after this im gonna need them to pay for my therapy bills from now on bc of this damage no joke let me crawl back into my shit hole now 😑"

"The palce they at is referred to as “tuscanys best-kept secret”. Everyone point and laugh."

"she looks like she’s enjoying all of this. he looks like he wants to push her into the water."

"a few people said he’s keeping his shorts pulled up or covered in all the shots because of the Nike branding which they ask to not get photographed. What a setup."

"Man I knew the second those Tomdaya pics came out of them kissing and how they were trending so fast that HO were going to do something to 'top' them. Its pathetic /// FRRR. she probably hoped for the positive reactions that people gave tom & zendaya but unfortunately, miss girl got the opposite. when will they realize that nobody, but his fans, find them cute lmao can they just stop, it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭"

"He really out here doing this with someone who almost old enough to be his mother, shiiiiiiiit. Sickening. Sick of these 2 for real now, i was fine with the good old blurry back content and whatnot but this? Crossing a line here nobody wanna see that shit and knowing how people feel goooooood damn."

"I aboslutely despise kendall for obvious reason but this one is actually worse than the hendall one bc you couldnt really see as much as now dis gos tang."

"She’s also wearing the cross necklace again. I feel like if that was so meaningful to her she wouldn’t risk loosing it in the ocean 🙄"

"guys have eyes on tmz. I Do not have tw now. they were so aggressive towards them"

"I'm sorry for Harry because you lost your damn mind bro"

"Now why the hendall pics are better ?? NO SHADE BUTT"

"I’m genuine confused like do they actually want dwd to flop or what? I just threw up in my mouth I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch their sorry ass movie. Is it supposed to flop? I’m so confused!"

"The match was not interesting enough so they cooked up something different especially since people were pointing out how they staged the PDA. And the page 6 article is out already!!!"

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea"

"Is it just me or does harry's face looks really blank for someone out on a Romantic date with his alleged girlfriend.?"

"if thats it, harry hasn’t no game🤣🤣🤣🤣"

"so this is why the tabloids weren’t talking about the match pics! they didn’t have any value on their own. now with the yacht pics? my oh my they’re gonna get the clicks of their lives. her team was prob like “wait a sec we got something for y’all”"

"If they were models hired to act like a couple they wouldn't get the job......"

"Not them starring right at the camera in some of them help make it less obvious will you"

"HENDALL🤣🤣🤣is that uuuu"

"Harry’s ass crack thought it should make an appearance too."

"What a great day for team PR, happy Monday you guys! Let's pop the champagne 🍾🍾🍾🍾 P. S. They both need acting lessons, tbh"

"It’s quite interesting how everything that’s happened before I’ve seen predicted weeks/and in advance on blogs or fan accounts. Like his life has always been so predictable but damn"

"He was hiding the Nike check. That’s why his swim trucks are rolled up to an absurd degree even for him. He knew he was gonna get photographed."

"What I’m noticing is wether people like them together or not, everyone’s saying they’re aren’t a hot couple…there was more chemistry in the Kendall pics by far"

"i also find it weird that he’s not smiling in any of the pictures and it would be one thing if there were five pics from ten minutes of time but there are like 70 from an obvious extended period of time"

"It's interesting everyone involved is being Team Try Hard. Yet the universe says no. The last set of pics, Tom and Zendaya overshadowed. People even paid more attention to Angelina and the Weekend (even if business possibly). Fast forward to today and all this fakery only for Gwen/Blake to tie the knot. His team needs to get a clue. She needs to go. Harry needs to clean this up fast."

"Ok i looked at one hugging pic and one kidding pic and they could not look more stagged. It looks unatural ,strange and weird from all angles. You can clearly see from their body posture they are posing for a photographer from backgrid."

"Like I said in my ask a couple days ago the day we get kissing pics is the day that I believe this is all a stunt and I was right. They took a page out of hendall 2016 and it’s looks so forced and awkward. Hendall did it better cause at prater they had chemistry. They must be scared this movie is going to tank because they are pushing this way too hard"

"Real, PR, or whatever relationship it is, they’re fucking boring. You are on a yacht in Italy, can’t you have a little bit of fun? I can’t believe how boring they are, I just can’t. Even if it is just PR, can’t you make a fucking dumb joke so you can laugh or something? Do they have anything in common like to talk about or discuss or make fun of? I’d literally killed myself if I looked like that in a relationship. They are not communicating in any photos we’ve got. They are just walking, or sitting. Even when they hold hands or kiss or hug, they never communicate."

"okay but did ya’ll see the pic of her diving in?? i can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭😭"

"they look horrifically awkward i cannot believe what harry is doing"

"“HEY PAPS COME GET A PIC OF US KISSING TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE BELIEVABLE!!!!!”"

"his ass is hanging out and her bra is almost off what in the hell"

"Hqs on a yacht like that? Mhmhmhm hmmmmm / I bloody well hope that’s not the extend of their acting. That’s dire! 🤦‍♀️"

"this is literally the most predictable “couple” to exist. first, people talked about them showing up the game, and they did. second, people were just talking about kissing pics... AND THEY JUST CAME OUT LMAOOOOOO"

"annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. YOU KNOW THEY KNEW THERE WAS A CAMERA."

"ok but where’s the pda or did that get made up? cause these have to be the most awkward pics i’ve ever seen which makes me feel better 😂 also i can feel the meme’s coming with the one of her diving off the boat"

"I call it how I see it they are both assholes and full of shit. Like do your fake kiss somewhere else I do not want to see it!"

"Can they at least act like they’re having a good time?"

"hahahaha I can't stop laughing with that photo of O it's literally her knowing she's being photographed and diving into a professional swimmer style😭"

"the pics are so organic that Olivia is looking straight at the pap before kissing Harry."

"he looked a lot happier with kendall in their yacht pics compared to today’s. i know that was PR too, but he was very smiley and seemed talkative. with this girl it’s like the complete opposite lmao."

[daddy-daichis]

Yesterday the very beautiful and talented @fuwari-s tagged me in this game and since that post is already really long i figured id make a new one lol  (Also thank you for tagging me, it made me so happy)

The Game: Tag your 2D lovers + the other trend I saw yesterday and wanted to do which is Would you actually date them IRL. So ill put that under the cut because it is a lot.

HQ: Atsumu, Daichi, Issei, Bokuto, Hinata, and Kyoutani

BNHA: Bakugou, Denki, and Hawks

JJK: Sukuna and Mei Mei

Others: Kagami from KNB, Levi and Jean from AOT, and Mikoto Suoh from K

So if you want to know if i would date them irl that is below the cut lol

As for tagging... if you want to do it :) @eijirosriot @bokutosnumberonefan @hinosreis @tetsus-kitten @sugawarakoushihoe @mynameisjackattack and anyone else who wants to do one or both of these challenges.

Alright so would i date these men (+ mei mei) in real life. Short answer is yes lmao. Long answer, with some headcanons that may or may not  venture into 18+ category but only slightly. all aged up to be my age which is 26.

Atsumu - PLEASE, YES

we would be so chaotic together but he would also be really loving. As long as he can still prioritize me in a relationship, not over volleyball, just as much, then we will be golden. We would have such a good time and i feel like we would have a lot of fun bickering, which i really enjoy. Play fighting as a form of foreplay, if you will lmao. We’d probs be friends in HS and then get together after he starts playing for MSBY and he is secured in his position (and himself tbh). I just love this cocky bastard. he also gives me switch vibes and as a switch, i love that for me.

Daichi - YES

All i need is to be wrapped in his arms on the daily and i would be happy. Man would know how to take care of me and that is all. Love of my life, too good for this world. Wholesome husband. He would be able to manage my crazy side and chill me out when i get to anxious. I would want to be bratty just to get him to drop his good guy routine sometimes and I feel like he would like that.

Issei - YES

Funeral home employee can get it. Matsukawa Horse cock Issei can whisk me off my feet and straight into bed. we would have a lot of fun picking on oikawa together (out of love of course) but we would balance each other out a lot. His darker humor would go well against my lighter humor. Also I feel like our level of hotness is pretty comparable... like we aren't the prettiest in the friend group but still good (if that makes sense)

Bokuto - YES

Big ball of sunshine to light up my day, he would literally fuck the sad out of me every day I just know it. Like atsumu, as long as I am a priority to him itll work out. We also kind of have the same sad moods so I feel like we could either both just curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or bring the other out of a funk easily. I love this giant himbo so much.

Hinata - most likely yes

Pretty much the same reasons as bokuto but I feel like I would get drained of his energy faster, so he would def have to cuddle me more. For everyone else so far I can imagine being high school sweethearts, but with hinata i think he wouldnt settle down until later, or even start dating so it would probably be a lot of pining and watching him from the side lines for a while, which would be really hard tbh. but the way he would smile at me after a match would make it worth it so...

 Kyoutani - Hard YES

I love a boy with anger issues, what can i say... (cough couch my irl husband with anger issues couch couch) I would love to be his weak spot and the one person he would go to to help him not feel angry anymore. I think that my fun personality would help him to unbox himself a bit. I just want to give him cuddles and a place to feel accepted. id also i KNOW hes a monster in bed... 

Bakugou - FUCKING HARD YES, PLEASE

if he was real the things i would do to and for him... A lot like kyoutani i would want to give him a place where hes accepted, and a place where he is unconditionally loved. I would be able to handle his misguided anger and calm him down and give him space. I headcanon that hes very cuddly in private to just his S/O which is something that i love. I love his lil smirk and would do anything to get him to smirk at me. As long as he is able to set me as a priority it would work out, but that would be what he struggles with so it would be a thing we would have to talk about. But I also feel that once you say something about it he would check in with you because of course he has to be the best bf/husband. I feel like I could talk for hours about him so Ill just wrap it up by saying that I love me a passionate man who would probs be a lil possessive, and I would use that to my advantage. 

Denki - GOD YES

I really do think that denki and I are soulmates. we are both the perfect blend of funny, pervy, while still being soft. I feel like there would be a lot of mutual pining at first but he would end up the golden retriever gamer boy to my alt bisexual and thats just the perfect pairing. We would pull so much shit and then get away with it because thats just us being us. I see us being scolded by bakugou a lot for the stupid shit we would pull. Also late night drives in his shitty tuned car to taco bell while we sing alt rock songs from the 2010s. also the switch vibes are immaculate.

 Hawks - Probably

So it would honestly depend a lot on what version of hawks.. him in the hero commission is a no, because he wouldnt be able to be honest with me about a lot of stuff. Like his name, or when i can see him again, and that would give me too much anxiety. When hes free of them and is actually allowed to be himself I think it could work then. I know that he of course wants to still be the best hero, so he would have the same problems as bakugou with finding a balance, but if he wants to i think he could. He would also have a lot of trauma from his relationship with his parents and the commission so I dont know if he would be able to give his love away as freely as he wants so we could get therapy together. I love that for us. But i would happily wake up next to this beautiful birb man if he would have me.  

Sukuna - A hesitant yes

so.. the anger issues that ive mentioned before.. yes. I would like sukuna. I would be his lil bride and sit on his lap on his throne as long as he didnt kill my loved ones or my cats lmao. I would also be ok with being his and itadoris gf while hes living in itadoris head. being with him is just asking for an unhappy ending tho, whether its a life always on the run, or someones trying to kill me, or someones trying to kill him, or hes trying to kill someone. But yes i would like to be with him but that would mean sacrificing a lot. 

Mei Mei - god yessssss..

Please Mei Mei step on me and make me ur lil house wife. I see us living in a pent house apartment with the most breathtaking view of the Tokyo skyline. I would want for nothing and she could take me where ever she wanted and i would just follow her around with heart eyes.

 Kagami - YES

my basketball husband! i love him and would love to be loved by him. Id follow him wherever. He would take care of me and is just so dreamy.. also i guess the mild anger issues.. but hes really not that bad. He would just be such a good s/o. He would cook us nice dinners, wed have a few cats, and he would carry me around a lot because hes so strong. While were on the topic of strong... his stamina... everyone on this list probably has good if not great stamina... but kagami just hits different..... have you seen him in the zone? have you seen his thighs? his sex zone has got to be incredible. 

 Levi - Yes

I was going to say it depends, but really it doesn't... if were in the aot universe and hes my captain and I fall in love with him u can bet ur ass im gonna try and get with him because i could die at anytime. if its some au where he is here in our universe and somehow we meet... like of course im gonna be in love with him. our height difference isnt too bad, im only like an inch or 2 taller than him. I think we would both have a great time together. I would make him laugh, and he would help me clean, because lord knows I hate cleaning. BUT i hate cleaning because its something that I always have to do alone, and I feel like levi would have us be cleaning together like he makes the scouts do. and hes just so sexy... 

Jean - big yes

This beautiful handsome man... idk what to even say about him. Hes strong, funny, handsome, cocky, but very much full of love. would love to run away from the world with him. I feel like if he was in love with me before *tries not to give away spoilers* the marco incident (?) that after he would become very clingy and attached and im ok with that. There would have to be lots of cuddles and reassurances and i just want to see him happy and not at war, with both real life people and himself... id give him the best kisses and he would become addicted to them. 

Mikoto - No? But maybe...

I feel like we could be.. but if you watched the show then you know.. But i would love to be Homra’s princess TBH. No one would mess with me or they would have to face the wrath of my big fire boyfriend and his whole ass gang. But on the other hand I feel like Mikoto wouldnt allow himself to fall in love, so it would probably be a hush hush topic. everyone knows the boss and I are in an entanglement, but they cant talk about it. Then Anna starts asking questions to Mikoto and he has to come clean to her, which would be so cute. He tells her is a secret but she doesn't care lmao. in conclusion, I would want to, but I dont think he would let me.... Maybe friends with benefits tho....

............................................................................................

ok if you read all this im officially in love with you. Please take my heart. 

This took me like 2 hours to do because I love thinking about it so much. if you have any thoughts about any of this hop into my dms or comment on this because id love to hear them (especially if you think i belong with one more than the others lmao). 

[vlogsquadssquad]

Model for me

summary: (pre relationship) David wants to start taking sexy pictures for his instagram. for aesthetic purposes you agree.

a/n: I badly wanted to turn this smutty but I also have more pics for this theme. let me know if you want a part 2!

warning: slight n*dity, swear words. 

mood board:

“i’ve never done this before. it’s kinda weird.” you laugh nervously. “yeah, i haven’t either. if you’re having second thoughts we don’t have to..” david smiled to me. “no, no. i want to. it’s just i’ve never gotten naked in front of someone who... 1. wasn’t my boyfriend & 2. who wasn’t about to have sex with me.” davids cheeks blush at the thought of you and sex. he clears his throat. “well, today will be a first.”

david loves taking disposable pictures of his friends but one thing he’s been introduced to lately is nude or sexy disposable pictures for his page. he was complaining to the rest of the friend group about it. you promptly offered your services. you modeled here and there but you were mostly an actress. you’ve been nude on screen before but never in front of someone who was a deep, personal friend. he got really excited and showed you his inspiration. the pictures were beautiful and you agreed to be his first. nude model, that is.

“so obviously i want it to be very sexy. maybe take your hair down? messy hair is what i want to go for.” you and David were alone in his bedroom, everyone else was off shooting or still hungover.

you took your hair down and looked in his mirror in the bathroom. you teased your hair a little. luckily you curled your hair last night so there were slight loose curls. you smudged your makeup slightly to give that, steamy look. he watched as you tended to yourself. he knew you were incredibly beautiful. but all let loose like this, he couldn’t stop his imagination from roaring. you glanced to him through the mirror and he smiled. “it’s perfect. you look so good.” “thank you, david.” you pat his shoulder as you walk out of the bathroom.

“you know the fans are going to go wild and think we’re together” you both giggle as you pick up your phone to respond to a business text. “should we do it in my bed, or? should we go to a hotel. i don’t mind either way.” you glance up to him. he looks nervous. “we can just do it here. that’s the beauty of shoots like this. they cost little to no money.” you point to the closet like a question and davids nods his head. “yeah, you’re right. it’ll be fine.” he yells to you as you enter the closet.

“can you hand me the sheet?”

“the what?” he peaks in the closet & it met with your naked body. his eyes darken with lust as he goes over your naked body. “david!!” you scream and laugh. he snaps out of it, “i’m honestly so fucking sorry i didn’t realize-“ “just hand me the sheet to your bed!” you laugh still. he loved you were able to laugh at yourself and not take it too seriously. you wrapped the sheet around yourself and headed to davids bed. he adjusted the curtains for lighting and then looked at you laying in his bed, naked.

“hold it there.” he snaps a picture.

he admires you for a second after the picture is taken. blown away by your natural sexiness. you usually keep it a mystery and you aren’t one to flaunt. but today you are. and david is soaking it all up. he takes more pictures and loves that you take direction so easily. the pictures come out amazing. 

------

David posts the pictures a few days later with your approval and fans go nuts. he captioned each picture, “perks of being friends with a model.” but fans still speculate a romance. 

comments...

these are definitely post sex pictures! 

just date already

“friends” okayyy... 

y/n is so sexy. pls date me

“id really like our next shoot to have France vibes.” David says which draws you from the comments. “yeah, that'd be so cool! im down when you're down.”

------

“so I brought some things for the shoot today.” you yell out as you enter davids house. “awesome, whatcha got?” he muffles as he eats a cupcake. then he notices your white dress (pic 3 below) and gulps. “well I have lingerie, don't know how you feel about that, but its there,” davids eyes widen at the thought of you in lingerie. maybe this shoot idea wasn't such a good idea. “I also have a big faux fur jacket in my car and this mirror!” you pick up the old, gold mirror with incredible detail. “wow, I love all of it!” David smiles, “ I also have some props. these are Natalies cupcakes but we can have a couple,” he had a smirk on his face “I also have newspaper and a tea platter, cup combo, I don't know whatever this is.” you giggle. “this one is gonna be crazy I can't wait!”

you head to davids bedroom once again to do the shoot. “closet again?”

“well actually, I like that dress...” davids thinking face was on. “here eat this cupcake and go against that wall. um, do it... seductively. i’m doing mouth down.” 

“ok, I think we got a few good ones. lets do the lingerie next.” you nod and head to davids closet with the other half of the cupcake. you put it on and walk across the room to check your phone and davids eyes follow you. he's breathless. you tilt your head up and finish the cupcake. David snaps a quick picture and it turns out to be his favorite. 

after a while David directs you outside with the fur jacket and nothing on. “spin around for me. I love the candid ones.” he looks to you with love in his eyes and you spin around giggling. “faster, go, go, go! throw up!” you laugh harder and after a few more snaps you head back inside his room. 

you strip from the jacket and you're now completely naked in front of your crush. he can't stop scanning your body when you break him out of his trance. “do I need to leave you two alone?” eyeing his pants. he looks down and his face goes red. “no, fuck, sorry. its been a while.” he mentally kicks himself for saying that and you blush. you grab the mirror and take a couple shots with the reflections. 

next David grabs the teacup and newspapers from the kitchen and gives himself a moment to gather his thoughts. ‘she's just a friend’ he thinks to himself.

-----

“I want these to be a little more casual. so maybe not completely nude. after the last photo session, the fans need a break.” you laugh at his joke and nod your head in agreement. “for sure, well I didn't bring anything today but I wore a cute bra.” you pulled your giant cardigan up from falling off your shoulder. David smiles with his tongue slightly out. “that's perfect”

you take photos around his house which are way more laid back than the photos from a week ago. 

comments...

bet you they hooked up and so they're taking a break from completely nude.

she's the best as innocent sexiness.

am I the only one whose sick of her?

 is she tied up? they're def hooking up!!!

“do you see these comments? people are sick of me!” you laugh at David. “how can that be? makes no sense” he smirks back at you. you so badly want to kiss him, but how can you kiss him when he puts you in this box as friends. he kept looking at you as you scrolled through more comments with only one thought in his head. ‘God, I want to show her I could never get sick of her.’ 

-----

part 2? I have more pics to post with this storyline and I really wanna wrap it up with smut during a shoot. let me know!

[kyluxnichekinks]

Kylux Werewolves and Shapeshifters Rec List

Ah yes, two of my favorite themes: Werewolves and shapeshifters. Those who know me in this fandom know me for being a complete and utter monsterfucker. I was very excited to do this rec list and could hardly wait until the end of the month to finally post this. But we’re here, so let’s get started!

The Smoke Before The Flames by @solohux​ Words: 7234 Completed Armitage Hux is the sacrfice to be made to keep the dragon from burning down his village, but the dragon is not what he expected.

Starting off with the general shapeshifter category is this lovely gem! Dragon!Kylo and not so virginal!Hux! This was a very fun and enjoyable read for me, so I advise you check it out.

Witchfeather by Whatever21ism  Words: 16015 WIP Armitage Hux is a new witch trying to establish himself in a new town. One day he goes out seeking a familiar, particularly a cat, somehow instead he ends up with a raven who is much more than they appear to be.

Witch Hux and raven!Kylo. It’s been a fresh second since I’ve read this fic but it was very enjoyable from what I remember. I may have to give it another reread sometime soon.

Shiver The Whole Night Through by @theweddingofthefoxes​ Words: 7977 Completed Ren's always loved hunting, so when he's told his paid time off won't roll over into the next year, he decides to take a week, get his gun and rent a cabin in the woods. But it takes no time at all for the hunter to become the hunted.

This one is a perfect Halloween fic honestly. I remember the atmosphere was very spooky and intrigueing to read. Mind the tags of course but give it a read if you can!

Dark Side of the Moon by @furrygeneralhux Words: 7906 WIP This was not happening to Hux. He was not shifting into a giant maned wolf on the night of his date with Kylo Ren. Absolutely not, this was some sort of terrible dream. But why did it feel so real?

A shameless self rec, but it’s a werewolf Hux fanfic! Specifically he’s a Maned Wolf, aka a long leggy boy. I just posted Chapter 2 for this, so if you can tolerate the tags, give it a read!

Twenty-Six Weeks by @vmprsm​ Works: 4 Completed: Says no but I’m pretty sure it is Two mature adults need to do two things: live an a house with a stranger for six months, and keep their secrets to themselves. How hard could that be? Apparently very.

Yes I’m gonna rec this again, I very much enjoyed this series from vmp (along with everything she generally writes). Give it a read if you haven’t yet!

You Big Bad Wolf by @insanitysqueen Words: 12780 Completed Hux meets an interesting person online. They chat, having the same kind of kinks and this 'REN' has a truly artful way of composing dirty messages, but never lets go of that werewolf-persona from when they first began to talk. Though Hux doesn't feel intimidated enough to turn down the invitation to this gorgeous strangers home. Especially during a weekend where the full moon will be shining.

I absolutely loved this fic. I can see it happening so easily, and honestly Hux is such a mood.

Dream-Maker by @unicornsandbutane Words: 7979 Completed Response to this kyluxhardkinks prompt: “Modern AU, Hux has just found out that werewolves are a real thing and that his boyfriend, Kylo, is one of them. Having a sexual attraction to monsters, Hux is all for this and practically begs Kylo to fuck and knot him on that huge werewolf dick. Bonus points if Ren comes buckets in his werewolf form and involves breeding.”

This hardkinks prompt was a godsend I swear, I was so thrilled when a bunch of fics came out all around the same time and were all unique in their own ways. This one like the rest on this list was amazing and I highly suggest you give it a read!

Silent in the Trees by @werewolf-kylo-ren​ Words: 33291 WIP Hux has inherited one of his late father's estates, way out in the country. He's going through all of the organizing, contemplating what the hell to do with all of the mess, contemplating if he even WANTS the estate... It's hard enough as it is, without a lonely and very childish werewolf venturing out of the nearby woods, his backstory a mystery to be solved. A story of love, murder, werewolves, and ANGST.

Ah yes, one of the first examples of werewolf sex that I can recall occurring in Kylux (I could be wrong but this left an impression on my furry heart ok). Do mind the tags on this one, but its defs worth the read!

Fang & Bang by @sparrowlicious​ Words: 10680 Completed Armitage Hux is an ancient vampire who tries to live his life as a good citizen. Kylo Ren is his werewolf neighbor who caught his eye shortly after he moved in two months ago.

One night during a full moon Kylo Ren ends up on Hux's couch uninvited. Hux sees it as an opportunity to get to know him better...

Something about werewolfKylo and vampireHux fics get me. This one is really cute and enjoyable, give it a read!

Pounded in the Butt by My Gay Werewolf Boyfriend by @aiambia Words: 5553 Completed Hux can hardly believe it: His boyfriend is a werewolf. He should be afraid or concerned at the very least...but all he can think about is getting fucked by that thick werewolf dick.

Look you can’t read the title of this fic and not read it. Honestly I’m a big fan of aiambia’s writing, its so enjoyable to read. This one was particularly delicious to read, thanks for posting it aiambia!

If there’s a fic I didn’t include that you think I should include, let me know!

[rqs902]

i didnt bother with posting about ep 9 of ‘all for one’ but here we are on the last ep lol...

ok but ep 9 was literally just a big karaoke fest / fan meeting so nothing really stood out to me.... 

im starting this note halfway thru the ep after seeing huang zhibo’s line in pinlin’s group’s performance bc he did so well im so proud!!!!!!!! omgosh his stage presence has improved!! mainly this is all i wanted to say bc i actually really like zhibo even tho he didnt get much time to shine throughout this show :c ok even tho they had to color his hair for half his line, for the ending they didnt and just filtered the whole screen (thankfully) bc he really looks so nice here ahhhh 

omg he also got a random closeup later!!

omg i literally rewinded and replayed this one part so many times to watch zhibo.... i really like his dancing!!! 

ok but objectively pinlin’s group killed it, compared with the other 2 groups LOL

but ok i guess i should say something about what’s happened so far.... poor naicha’s group always gets stuck with doing a stage thats like 10x harder than all the other groups.... lol so is anyone actually surprised with the results from the first round?? is anyone gonna explain what happened to half of the members of he yifan’s group? lol.........

i think aj’s group did really well! their song really suited them and did feel very 潮 lol i think huadi KILLED IT and aj’s smile is always a highlight of their stages. i think ill always feel like i wish jojo had a bigger role in their perfs but it is what it is. i really liked their song

for new storm to be performing uniq’s monster feels so weird..... like the entire show is/was basically a whole big yuehua promotional strategy lol 

I CANT LISTEN TO THIS SONG WITHOUT HEARING CHEN TAO’S WENHAN “GWI ZE” IN MY HEAD HAHAHAHAHHAA

ok im sorry hong weizhe but wenhan started the song better LOL ;;; but also i love zongying and hes adorable but i think he messed up on stage and also his stage presence still needs some work.... why does it just look like hes glaring LOL yang bingzhuo is pulling off the short hair well! why is yixuan bald yanxiu singing his heart out!! and haolian’s smile aw haolian is really just a tall baby lol 

tuo xian mu ou.............. im crying........ their performance was so..... thoughtful. goodness even with a performance with minimal choreography, naicha designed every aspect of it with care. he always brings out the best qualities of each member through their performances and that is truly admirable. gao xin starting and ending the song, mu sen’s voice!! and guanguan’s, especially the line they sing together wow, zhang peng is beautiful and i need more of his voice too, zirui singing his heart out, long-ge’s dancing that brings people to tears, chen shun’s rap that cant be replicated, the little montage at the end, and naicha mentioned the formation at long-ge’s center part matching from their first performance and also their star levels matching from their original first grading -- bringing him back to being the only class leader with just 4 stars..... the fact that theyre all crying and hugging and selina and fei are crying im--- ahhhh gao xin and zheng peng’s friendship im truly ahhhhhh 

im sure they knew going into the last round that it would be highly unlikely that they would win... but i think they really showed us that they deserved to. 

ugh this ending song again feels biased toward new storm lol just like alllll the editing lol. i really like yanxiu’s voice! GAO XIN ZHANG PENG FRIENDSHIP AHHH omg yunlong holding a haoyu sign is the cutest thing!!

lol the fact that pinlin is in that new soy milk commercial im laUGHING theres really no doubt that he’ll make it still lol

naicha’s speech at the end was short but he stated facts. they lost the competition but they didnt lose face. tuo xian mu ou had the best stages 

poor aj.... never got to win first place this entire show........ and then he doesnt get to talk at the end?? ?lol

wow new storm won wow much surprise wow i definitely wasnt expecting this at all wow 

i feel like the whole concept of “popular class” is such a cop-out move LOL feels bad for the members of new storm who arent popular and probs arent gonna get treated like winners even tho they won.......... im concerned for yanxiu

i bet none of them actually even wanna be in “popular class” bc it totally ties them down / separates them from their actual classes... this is literally just to satisfy angry pinlin istg 

oh and theyre gonna go from 7 up? am i suddenly watching idol producer??? ooo chen shun!!! recognizing talent! naicha crying for him!!! and the fact that gao xin’s tall body jumped up as soon as she said tuo xian mu ou... awwww and he prob knew it wouldnt be himself but he was so happy for his team members c: gao xin is a giant softie 

at least since new storm had so many popular kids, that leaves a couple of spaces open in “popular class” lol 

lol i almost forgot about wang di oops now that im thinking about the kids who lost... why didnt they invite back the other teams?? like wait what about like yati and boxuan and ziyue -- i thought they liked them?? i mean i get they got eliminated halfway thru the show but still.... i feel like they were memorable / contributed a lot to this show

can we talk about haoyu running over to comfort huadi!!?!? ahhh 

yea about the whole “i dont think they even want to be in popular class”  -- literally i feel like huadi and aj and naicha are crying when they go on stage because they had to leave their original class behind....... 

im crying watching long-ge gesturing for a crying naicha to go on without them....

ok my tears havent even dried yet but im laughing at them trying to make it so suspenseful who got first place......... ITS PINLIN NO ONE IS DOUBTING THAT ITS PINLIN EVERYONE KNOWS ITS PINLIN OK THANKS

wow look at pinlin literally getting 3x the number of votes as yangtong at #2..... wow 

also just looking at yangtong, aj, and huadi’s rankings it makes sense why yoyo class was consistently like second place lol

haoyu and huadi coming out to welcome pinlin first is...... the most......... ahhhhh

and ofc they pan to his class -- aka look at yunlong’s proud smile and zhibo going from happy to sad in like 30 seconds

wow we really going for #8 and #9 at the same time? are you sure im not watching qcyn? 

OH MY GOODNESS ZHIBO AGAINST LONG GE????? ZHIBO IS POPULAR???? HAHAHAHHAHA OMG WHATTTT ok i expected long-ge and long-ge def deserves it but omg i didnt realize zhibo was popular lol omg yuehua owns this show istg

i feel like long-ge will win.... but also i feel like long-ge doesnt want to win........ i totally see him as someone who would prefer to go off on his own and not be tied down by this show any longer... but also chen shun and naicha are like his best buds on this show so at least he’d have them.... zhibo i feel like would need / want this win more.. because i think he’d have a lot more to show us that he hasnt gotten to yet / may not have the chance to if he just goes back to yuehua. 

pinlin and yixuan and all the yuehua kids running off stage to comfort zhibo....... yall couldnt get your fans to vote for zhibo i guess.......... well we all know that if he yifan hadnt dropped out, he’d be in top 8 and therefore not long-ge so.... thats just something to keep in mind :\ tbh feels bad for guanguan (and jojo) bc he was on zui you xiu with chen shun and long-ge... but i think guanguan didnt get to demonstrate himself as much as they did on this show... even tho naicha tried his best (and succeeded in doing so more than any other leader) to highlight each of their strengths

lol the way they announce the two groups its like “new storm!” and then a huge long list of names for popular class -- like hmm i wonder which one is the actual winners......

i keep getting scared that yixuans gonna hit haolian in the face with that giant thing lol

HAHAHAHA the ending is just pinlin doing 99999 last minute cfs for their sponsors 

hmmm so how do i feel about the popular class -- theyre gonna be called Black ACE? oh ok lol isnt it kinda funny that 4 of them were in “trigger” from the very beginning together? (just like how 4 of the yuehua kids are in New storm...) interesting how things kinda were set from the beginning lol. i honestly feel like pinlin, wang di and yang tong kinda stick out to me in this group, but i wonder what this mix of what feels like is “yoyo and tuo xian plus 2” will turn out. 

well now i guess its time to watch out for these two groups and also keep an eye out for guanguan, zhibo, mu sen, gao xin, zhang peng, and jojo to see what they get to do next!

[dalekofchaos]

Eric Bischoff’s arrogance and stupidity in the Bret Hart 83 Weeks episode is astounding. That’s the best he felt he could use Bret Hart?  Coming in as a special guest referee and just using him as Hogan’s sidekick and having more heel turns than Big Show. Bret Hart should have been booked as a face. Being hurt and screwed by the company he helped saved and wants revenge on Shawn Michael’s friends and finally getting his hands on Hogan. The amount of baby face momentum Bret Hart had going following Montreal easily could have been turned into success instead chose to waste Bret Hart. They had the hottest star coming out of a controversial finish and it eventually costed Bret Hart’s wrestling career. What they should’ve done is use Bret Hart for all he’s worth. Feud with Hogan, the NWO and the Four Horseman. Keep Bret Hart the face of WCW. Instead he had some lame feud with Ric Flair and turned heel and face more than Big Show. His WCW career went nowhere.

It’s very simple. Bring Bret in the Nitro after Montreal. Put Bret in the ring with a live mic and let him rip into Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels. Bring up everything that happened, especially punching Vince’s lights out. Security comes to the ring to escort Bret out but he refuses to leave. Eric Bischoff comes out with a big smile on his face and tells security to back off. He’s loving every minute of everything Bret’s saying. Bischoff eventually welcomes Bret to the nWo. Bret shakes his hand, then decks him. The nWo hit the ring and Bret jumps the guardrail and escapes through the crowd. WCW should have given Bret the mic, let him cut a brutal shoot on Vince and Shawn, ending it by saying "Since I can't beat the shit out of Shawn Michaels I am gonna do the next best thing, hurt Shawn where it hurts, his friends" hinting at Bret gunning after Hall and Nash. It could be like Austin. If Bret was hurt from punching Vince, Bret could just be shooting non-stop and attacking from behind like Austin was when he was injured. 

STARRCADE: Dec 28, 1997 Bret’s first big feud is logically against the nWo. He’s just come from a company run by a corrupt owner and a couple of degenerates with too much backstage political power, so when he sees Bischoff, Hogan, Hall, and Nash all he can see is Vince, Shawn and Helmsley. It’s too early for Bret to face Hogan for the title, besides Hogan is facing Sting on this night in one of the best built feuds in wrestling history, but Hall and Nash make perfect sense. Hall and Nash were Shawns real life best friends, so it only makes sense for Bret to specifically target them as they could make the feud that much more personal by bringing their friendship with Shawn into things. Neither Hall nor Nash were even used at Starrcade 97 which is itself a mystery so they were both available to face Bret.

So at Starrcade its Bret Hart vs Kevin Nash. Bret’s first match is against Shawn Michaels real life best friend Kevin Nash. I believe this is the most logical way to start Bret’s run in WCW. Bret wins via DQ when Hall interferes just as Nash is about to tap to the sharpshooter. Bret wins his first big match in WCW but Hall and Nash get the last laugh double teaming Bret and leaving him laying in the ring with nWo spraypainted on his back.

nWo SOULED OUT: January 24, 1998 After defeating Nash, Bret moves on to the other outsider and former Kliq member: Scott Hall. Bret Hart def Scott Hall After the match Nash arrives and the Outsiders doubleteam Bret. But this time Bret has come prepared. Bulldog and Anvil jump the guardrail to make the save in their WCW debut.

SUPERBRAWL: February 22, 1998 Hollywood Hogan vs Bret Hart After Hogan drops the belt to Sting at Starcade he gets his rematch at nWo Souled out but loses, this means Sting can face some fresh faces for the title and Hogan can move on to feuding with Bret. After beating both of Hogan’s flunkies at the previous two ppv’s, Bret wants to get his hands on the man who’s avoided him for years: Hulk Hogan.

For the first few weeks of the build to this event Hogan doesn’t accept Bret’s challenge as he wants Sting one more time for the title. Hogan feels Bret is beneath him and he has nothing to gain by facing him. But when it’s announced that if Hogan were to win the match he’d get another shot at Sting, then Hogan agrees to the match.

At the ppv, I have Hogan getting the win here when Bischoff comes down and, ala Vince McMahon at Survivor Series, rings the bell when Hogan puts Bret in the sharpshooter. Referee Nick Patrick calls for the bell and the match ends in a Survivor Series screwjob much to the delight of Hogan and Bischoff. After the match, the entire nWo beat down Bret. Anvil and Bulldog show up but they are greatly outnumbered. All the Harts are spraypainted in nWo letters to close out the show.

UNCENSORED: March 15 1998 Bret Hart def Curt Hennig This is what actually happened at this event and I wouldn’t change it. It furthers Bret’s war against the nWo and these two were always capable of putting on a great match. Bret gets the win and starts his climb back up the ladder in hopes of getting a fair shot against Hogan in a rematch.

Speaking of Hogan, he gets his one final match against Sting in a cage match to settle their feud. Sting wins thus bringing their rivalry to a close.

SPRING STAMPEDE: April 19, 1998 Live! From Calgary Alberta Canada: Home of Stampede Wrestling 1998’s Spring Stampede would have been the perfect time for WCW to make a big impression on Canadian wrestling fans. At this point WCW was still number one in the United States, but it was never able to surpass the WWF in popularity in Canada. That was one of the reasons why WCW wanted Bret as they wanted to make headway in the Canadian market. So why on earth not schedule a ppv or NItro in Canada every once in a while?? Bret’s career began in Stampede Wrestling in Calgary, so why not hold the 1998 edition of Spring Stampede in the former home of Stampede Wrestling and Bret’s hometown of Calgary.

Bret knows Hogan has an army watching his back which is why he’s going to need more than just his two family members Jim and Davey Boy watching his back. So two former Stampede Wrestling Alumni decide to align themselves with Bret in his war against the nWo: Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. Together the 5 man tandom is known as The Hart Dungeon. WWF would undoubtedly have a copyright on Hart Foundation, but The Hart Dungeon was never a creation of Vince McMahon but rather the training grounds for all 5 members of the group.

During a Nitro beatdown of Bret during the build to Stampede, Benoit and Jericho hit the ring and come to Bret’s aid officially joining the group. Jericho is very similar to Owen in style, while Benoit has Pillman’s intensity making them the perfect replacements for the two Hart Foundation members that didn’t make the transition to WCW with Bret. This also would have catapulted Jericho and Benoit into a main event program and injected some youth and freshness into Brets stable.

At Spring Stampede it’s The Hart Dungeon vs The Nwo Bret, Benoit, Jericho, Bulldog, Anvil def Hogan, Hall, Nash, Savage, Hennig.

Not sure who gets the pinfall over who, I would go for Bret pinning Hogan but I’m sure Hogan would never go for it. Either way the Harts pin someone to get the win and maybe, just maybe, this marks the beginning of WCW surpassing WWF in popularity in Canada and taking a stranglehold on the north american television market.

Slamboree: May 17, 1998 World Title Submission Match: Bret Hart vs Sting After winning the war against the nWo, Bret sets his sights on the World title and Sting in a battle of the sharpshooter vs the scorpion deathlock. At this point Sting has a had nice long run with the belt from Starcade in December to Slamboree in May, and along the way defended the title succesfully against Hogan 3x, The Giant, and maybe Savage. But now it’s time for him to drop the belt to Bret.

Bret gets the win here in what could have and should have been a classic match between two of the all time great babyfaces.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH: June 14, 1998 After beating Sting for the title fair and square, Bret and company kickoff Nitro the next night but are interrupted by none other than Ric Flair. Flair congratulates Bret on not only beating Sting, taking on the nWo, winning the world title, but also doing something he didnt think was possible which is winning over the American fans who seem to have forgotten some of the things Bret said in public about them and this great country of ours. Flair calls Bret a fraud and Benoit a traitor for leaving the Horseman for the poor imitation that is the Dungeon.

Flair is joined in the ring by Arn Anderson and Dean Malenko his fellow Horsemen, as well as the newest Horsemen: Lex Luger. With Benoit gone, and Mongo McMichael a joke that never should have happened, the horsemen need a fourth guy and Luger makes a lot more sense in this WCW traditional stable then he ever did in the nWo. Plus he knows Bret and Bulldog well from his time in WWF.

After beating the nWo the Harts have now entered a feud with the Four Horseman. During the build to the ppv different members of the group face off against one another But Sting is still owed a rematch and has his own history with Ric Flair.

So at The Great American Bash it’s Bret vs Flair vs Sting in a triple threat submission match for the World Title. Bret comes out on top making Flair tap to the sharpshooter after blocking and reversing a figure four attempt by Ric. Post match: Hogan, Hall and Nash beat down all 3 guys. The nWo had been off tv licking their wounds for a while but were now back for revenge. So after two months of WCW stars battling each other, they will have to put aside those differences and once again focus on their common enemy in the nWo.

BASH AT THE BEACH: July 12, 1998 WORLD TITLE: Bret Hitman Hart vs Hollywood Hogan Hogan holds a controversial victory over Bret from back at Superbrawl meaning he is owed a title shot against the new champion. This was the event in which 2 years to the day the nWo was formed and Hogan plans on history repeating itself by reclaiming the title and his spot at the top of the mountain.

In reality Hogan lost the title on Nitro to Goldberg during this period which was a huge ratings success at the time but another example of WCW’s short term booking philosophy. Goldberg would burn out quickly and a huge potential ppv buyrate was squandered. So I would have saved that moment for later on in the year which we we will get to later. For now it’s Bret vs Hogan. This time, no Bischoff shenanigans, just a straight up Bret victory.

ROAD WILD: August 8, 1998 World Title: Bret Hart def Randy Savage We never got to see a well built up program between the Hitman and The Macho Man. After Hogan fails to get the job done, Macho steps up to the plate to do what Hogan couldn’t do and thats get the best of the supposed best their is. This would not be the main event of the show, but it would make for a good title match in the middle of the card perhaps as part of a double main event billing. Bret gets the win.

FALL BRAWL: WAR GAMES: September 13, 1998 The NWO vs The Hart Dungeon vs The Four Horseman nWo: Hogan, Hall, Nash, Savage Hart Dungeon: Bret, Benoit, Jericho, Bulldog 4 Horseman: Flair, Anderson, Malenko, Luger

In reality, they did have three teams competing in the War Games that year but 2 of them were nWo groups: nwo Hollywood and nwo Wolfpack. I never liked them splitting the nWo into two factions as it only dilluted the group. If the nWo was losing steam, then simply take them off TV for a while as I would have done sometime after Spring Stampede but then bring them back for Bash At The Beach. Here I still have three factions in the war games but instead of 2 nWo’s and a generic team WCW, we have three legit stables: the original nWo, The Harts and The Horseman.

NWO get the win as they are the dominant stable of this time.

HALLOWEEN HAVOC: October 25, 1998 In realty this was the event that saw the horrific Hogan vs Warrior II, a match that only took place because Hulk was still insecure over being pinned cleanly by Warrior EIGHT fricking years ago. This feud was embarrasingly bad and Warrior would have been better off having never appeared in WCW. Therefore in my timeline this simply doesn’t happen.

After Hogan’s team won the War Games that puts him back into #1 contendership for the title. Since we had three stables facing off at War Games I think it only makes sense to have the three stable leaders face off at the next event.

So we have a triple threat for the World Title between Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart and Ric Flair which results in a controversial finish. Ric Flair has Hogan in the figure four when Bret pins flair. The ref counts 3 at the exact same time Hogan taps out. So who is the champion? We end the show with Bret and Flair arguing over who won while Bischoff grabs the belt and runs off with Hogan.

WORLD WAR 3: November 22, 1998 The title is declared vacant on Nitro but will be awarded to the winner of a 6 man match at World War 3. The participants are Bret Hart, Ric Flair, Hollywood Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Sting. 3 nwo members. 3 wcw members. And 3 rings. Remember this is the often maligned 3 ring pay per view featuring the 60 man battle royal. I would never hold the title up for grabs in a 60 man battle royal as there arent that many men who deserve a shot. We dont want La Parka walking out champion. BUT I like the idea of incorporating the 3 rings for this 6 man match.

Here’s how it works: There are 3 matches going on at once in 3 different rings. In one ring its Bret Hart vs Kevin Nash. In another ring its Hogan vs Flair. And in the final ring it’s Sting vs Scott Hall. Three different matches going on simulataneously with the title being awarded to the first man who gains a fall. The only rule is that you can’t enter any of the other rings. Meaning Bret can’t jump to ring two to interrupt a pin attempt by Hogan, etc. You have to beat your opponent before anyone in either of the other rings does the same. This is a concept that’s never been done so I like it.

The finish: Bret has Nash in the sharshooter in one ring. Sting has Hall in the scorpion deathlock in the other ring. Neither will tap out. Meanwhile in ring 3 an exhausted Hogan drapes his arm over a down and out Flair and gets the pin to win the gold. Bret and Sting both come so close but Hogan walks out champion…barely.

At this same event GOLDBERG wins the 60 man battle royal to earn a shot at the champion.

STARRCADE: December 27, 1998 Live From Atlanta Georgia in the sold out Georgia Dome World Title: Hollywood Hogan vs Goldberg Everything that happened on that famous Nitro in July of 98 could have and SHOULD have been saved for Starrcade. The ppv buyrate would have been sky high and probably set an all time attendance record for any WCW show and maybe even any WWF show at the time.

As for Bret, it’s time for some descension in the dungeon. After failing to win the title, the hart dungeon disbands. At this point I would have already phased Bulldog and Anvil out sometime after Fall Brawl. Just have Bret, Benoit and Jericho. But now after Bret’s loss, Jericho gets in his face and mocks him, perhaps even says that WCW would have been better off if it had been Shawn Michaels who came over to WCW instead of Bret. That he only used Bret as a stepping stone to get to the top because he wasn’t being given the opportunity and spotlight that he deserved. But now that Bret is a failure, Jericho has no use for him. Jericho kicks Bret between the legs and poses with one foot on Brets chest and his arms raised and a big grin on his face. The evil Jericho is back.

During the buildup to their feud Jericho continues mocking Bret by dressing like him, adopting his mannerisms, wearing his trademark pink shades and using the sharshooter from time to time.

Starrcade: Chris Jericho def Bret Hart: liontamer vs sharpshooter Bret puts Jericho over. It doesn’t have to be a submission match but it’s too tempting to resist. I would have Jericho knock Bret out with the ring bell or a steel chair while the ref is looking the other way, then apply the liontamer to an unconscious Bret. The ref calls for the bell. Bret never taps, he just passes out. Bret is written off tv to sell an injury for the next month or so.

As we enter 1999, Benoit takes exception to Jericho’s disrespecting Bret and they enter a feud of their own in early 1999. When Bret returns he faces Jericho in a rematch and then enters a program with Benoit. He and Benoit meet in a face vs face best of 7 series with Benoit coming out on top 4 wins to 3. In other words, during the first half of 99 Bret spends most of his time helping the next generation of canadian wrestlers get over. Even though he comes out on the losing end of both feuds, he never looks weak and is still a viable world title contender. Although I might keep him away from Goldberg. Just to be on the safe side.

[jaybug-jabbers]

Bug Run 5: A Clean Victory

There was something I needed to do before going any further in this game.

I made a little visit to the Name Rater.

Truth is, I was never satisfied with the nickname I gave my Galvantula OR my Crustle. For Galvantula, it was just such a plain and common name, and she deserved better. For Crustle, her name was alright, but a little too long and awkward to say outloud, you know?

After christening the new names, we were prepared to tackle anything!

However, the moment I took a step toward my next destination, I ran into my rival. The encounter was a tad unnerving, which is the only reason I bother to mention it here. Tonka took care of my rival’s bird with Rollout just fine, so that wasn’t so bad. (Yes, I know. I still had Rollout. What can I say? It takes a while for Scoliopede to earn its better moves, and in the meantime, a rock move really is darn useful.)

It was Emboar that worried me. This was the first time I was facing it fully evolved, and the thing is damn intimidating even for a very balanced team, let alone a mono-bug one. My newly-named Crustle, Gaia, went toe-to-toe with the massive swine, dishing out Rock Slides. Emboar decided to use Rollout and start powering the move up on me. So that was a pretty scary moment. Thankfully, Gaia did not miss any of her Rock Slides, and the pig went down.The last foe, that water monkey, was trivial when I had a Leavanny with Leaf Blade.

The next gym we faced was the dragon-themed gym with Drayden. I noticed there was a big of a level jump with that gym, though, with just the gym trainers outlevelling my team. So I decided to do a little grinding beforehand. In our travels I taught Volcarona Psychic, because at this point, the poor moth’s moveset is still quite terrible. (It still had String Shot and Whirlwind, for pete’s sake.) I also taught my Galvantula Thunder and … well, Flash. I didn’t want to teach it Flash, but I was wandering around a cave attempting to reach some TMs. Sadly, a roadblock prevented me from ultimately getting the TM, but we’ll talk more about that later.

After a little training, the fight with Drayden wasn’t too bad. Ra took out Druddigon with Psychic, Green Bean got a 2HKO on Flygon with Leaf Blade– after a lucky miss with Flygon’s Rock Slide– and Tonka took on the big boy Haxorous with a combination of Toxic and Venoshocks.

After finishing off the dragon gym, we’re treating to another piece of the plot with Team Plasma. Some giant steampunky ship shoots ice cannons at the city, there’s a lot of running around and shouting over some “DNA Splicers,” and lots of grinding on Plasma grunts. The usual.

I MUST take important note of one event that took place in the midst of all this, though. As I was running back and forth between Pokecenters and the Plasma ship, I ran into a random trainer with just a Crustle. And it wiped out my entire team.

The problem had been it got off two Shell Smashes and I hadn’t been paying it close attention and was fooling about. So, naturally, it outsped everything and destroyed us with rocks. Also, I was super dumb and forgot my Galvantula had Sucker Punch. (Look, it was really late at night and I was tired and being stoop.)

Wounded by this experience, I took a lengthy side-quest to grind for Blue Shards by losing many times at the World Tournament (they give shards as consolation prizes) so I could visit the Move Tutor and give my Scolipede Superpower. This is actually only neutral on Crustle and in the end I still needed to use my own Crustle v. Crustle to take care of the foe cleanly, but. Still. Superpower would end up proving very important on my Scoliopede. I suspected as much, as it was excellent coverage for a team largely lacking coverage.

Anyway. I finally reached the Colress fight.

This was a fun one. I had to actually think very carefully about his team. Colress opens with a Magnemite that loves to thunder wave and then Volt Switch. I eventually decided to try equipping Green Bean with a Cheri Berry and getting up a Swords Dance. Then he just stubbornly hacked away with his Leaf Blade. This is a very difficult approach, but it was important for someone to take out the ‘easy’ pokemon so I could save my other pokes for the tougher ones. Colress used a Full Restore once on Magnemite, so after that, I did the same for Green Bean. Then continue with the Leaf Blades. Green Bean somehow barely takes two Flash Cannons to the face and finishes Magnemite off, in red health and paralyzed, but alive. He did a very good job.

Next, Magnezone came out. This one was for Tonka. Superpower brought it to the low yellow, and then Magnezone thunder waves. I have to take a big hit, but a second Superpower takes Magnezone out.

Beheeyem is the easiest for my team to cope with, being pure Psychic with low defense. It does Calm Mind, which can be scary, but I can easily take it out before it does anything awful; Gaia just X-Scissors it to death.

Metang, on the other hand, is not easy. Zen Headbutt messes with Tonka, Meteor Mash cuts through Gaia and gives scary boosts, and the thing has ROCK SLIDE to add insult to injury; plus Agility. With a Steel typing, it resisted a lot of crap, too.The trick, as it turns out, was fucking it up fast and hard with F-Zero’s Thunder before it could do much damage. Thunder brought it to the low yellow and luckily paralyzed it; Signal Beam finished it off.

The ace was Klinklang. I find it odd this pokemon is pure steel when it has so many electric moves, but okay. F-Zero uses Thunder, which brings it into the yellow and paralyzes again (whoo!). Klinklang Shift Gears. I know it resists bug so I need to Thunder again; unfortunately I get the miss. However, the foe gets paralyzed. I Thunder again and finish things off.

It was a good battle, but Team Plasma wasn’t finished quite yet. We run into the true man behind the scenes, the foul abusive-parent Ghetsis, and chase him off his ship and into some backwater cave somewhere.

Then N shows up, there’s some drama with legendery dragons, and Ghetsis is very cranky about the whole thing. Without giving us a chance to even save or anything, he launches right into attacking us.

Not gonna lie, this last fight is exciting and the music is damn good. It feels high-stakes.

Ra was first out, since I’d just used him to take care of Kyurem. He was able to take care of Confagrigis with some Psychics– although we had to get toxiced and put up with a full restore, but held on long enough to take it out. A special defense drop did help us.

Next out was Hydreigon; Green Bean used X-Scissor. After that was Eelektross, and I was fearing the Flamethrower, so I sent out Gaia. It’s a bit rough, with thunderbolts and acrobatics, but it never actually pulls out the flamethrower and I finish it off. After that is Seismetoad; that’s easy as pie with a grass move.

Drapion is out next, and I really want to use Psychic on it, but Ra is pretty weak from his long fight with Confagrigis. I try it out, but he’s outsped, as I suspected. Dang. I send out Green Bean next, and take it out with three X-Scissors.

Toxicroak is handled cleanly with Thunder. And then that’s it!

In retrospect, the battle didn’t give me any trouble. But somehow they still made it feel exciting. Possibly it’s just because I remember the fight vs. Ghetsis from original Black/White, which really left an impression on me.

(Lord N was there to talk to me after the battle. Still love him so much.)

After the Plasma plot wraps up, we move on to Victory Road. And that’s when I run into some trouble.

See, the plan all along had been to add my sixth and final teammember at Victory Road. That is where Durant, a super-late-game bug, hangs out. The problem is, I was playing Pokemon White 2, and apparently they tweaked it so that you can’t even reach Durant until post-game.

That really stinks! I have no idea why they did that, but I decided I wasn’t going to let a technicality like that slow me down. Like previous game runs I’ve done, if a particular version I was playing didn’t technically have full access to the species I needed for a bug run, I … bent the rules slightly.

So we snuck into Clay Tunnel. This trip was only for one thing: capture a Durant. We grabbed the first one we saw. She was lovely, and we named her Kolibri. She didn’t have Hustle, and honestly? I think I’m ok with that. Missing is pretty darn annoying.

Once we had our final team member, it was all about going through Victory Road and doing a little grinding. We met our rival one last time along the way. His Emboar was tough enough by now that it could shrug off Gaia’s Rock Slides. So I went with a new tactic, using Volcarona’s Psychic. The rest was easy enough to deal with. Then it was on to the Elites!

(MIGHTY BUG POWER DETECTED!)

Unfortunately, I made a mistake when I was grinding before facing the Elites. I thought they would be around level 60, so I brought my team all to level 60. As it turns out, no. They were all in the high 50s. So I was ever-so-slightly overlevelled.

Not a huge deal, but it is a shame. I really prefer to never be over-levelled, even by a little bit. Unfortunately there wasn’t much I could do about it.

The Elites were not too hard. Shauntal’s fight was kind of fun. Ra took on Confagrigis with Heat Waves, but got a Spec. Def drop with a Shadow Ball, so I had to switch out when Chandelure came in. I decided to bring Tonka in. As cruel as it sounds, Tonka was kind of expendable against this particular team. I got a Toxic off before going down, though. Ra came back in to blast with Psychics for neutral damage, but unfortunately the darn thing was hitting all its Fire Blasts and it got a crit, so Ra went down. Luckily it was injured enough that F-Zero could finish things off. Golurk was easy pickings for a Leaf Blade, and Drifblim went down to a Thunder.

Marshal fight had Tonka doing some work on the opening Throh. I feared Guts on Conkeldurr, and sent out Kolibri; however, it did not fare well against those Hammer Arms. Thankfully those moves dropped Conk’s speed, though, so I felt safe bringing Ra in, even against the inevitable Full Restore, and I could just Psychic. (See, at the time, I didn’t realize that thing is actually slow as dirt anyway.) The rest of the team was an easy clean-up, especially when Meinshao misses its High-Jump Kick and I put a Rock Wrecker in its face.

It may not be very effective, but nobody’s surviving a boulder to the face at half health.

Since the other two Elites are Psychic and Dark type, I don’t think I even need to bother mentioning their fights. With a full team of Bug types, it was pretty trivial to get through.

The Champion battle was decently difficult, so I was glad it wasn’t too anti-climactic. Tonka used X-Scissor on Hydreigon and managed to tank a Flamethrower– in the very low yellow health, after Leftovers. He finished the dragon off and Druddigon was out next. I honestly forget what I did with that fellah. I probably used F-Zero against him. Aggron was out next, so I went with my special attacker Ra. Heat Wave did a respectable chunk, but Rock Slide was, of course, a death sentence for Volcarona. Knowing that the Full Restore was incoming, I sent Tonka out and potioned up too. Then I used Superpower, which ALMOST killed. Tonka goes down and I clean up with F-Zero.

Archeops is next; one Rock Wrecker is all it takes, after Gaia survives the Rock Slide. Very happy Gaia hit all of her Rock Wreckers when she needed to.

Lapras was a bit of a troll. I sent out F-Zero, confidant in one-shotting the beast with Thunder, but it didn’t quite kill and it used freaking Hypnosis on me. Urgh. Swapped over to Kolibri and took a Surf very badly but finished Lapras off.

Finally, the ace, Haxorous. I sent out Green Bean. It was a tough choice, knowing this thing was probably going to Dragon Dance, and that was pretty scary. She could have easily gotten her late-game sweep if I let things get out of hand; my team was already weakened a bunch. I decided to get a Reflect up. I think that ultimately saved my butt. It did use Dragon Dance as predicted, and Green Bean used one X-Scissor before going down to an X-Scissor of Haxorous’ own. Then I sent the low-health Gaia in. He managed to survive the Earthquake thanks to Reflect and finished Haxorous off with an X-Scissor. (Yes, that’s an awful lot of X-Scissors going ‘round, but to be fair, this *is* a mono bug team)

And that’s it for Pokemon White 2! It was a fun little romp, but I admit it was very easy. I did expect that, though. Oh well! Maybe next time, if I’m hunting for a challenge, I can do that all-Vivillon run of X/Y I keep considering. :P

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Feb 25, 2019.

[countdownto65]

Empathy for Self

What is the nemesis of shame? Empathy.

What is the root of most of your shame? Attention seeking, codependentcy and sexual misconduct.

Empathy. You were the oldest in the family fighting for parental attention against two babies.

You hit puberty early. This was a 2 fold problem. You started getting attention furthering the tight shirts but in turn Everyone in 4th grade started calling you a ho. You had never even kissed a boy. You were not a ho and kids are fucking mean.

But you know who else’s attention you got by having boobs, dressing in body suits and seeking attention at 11 years old? A fucking pedophile. While your behavior made you an easy target, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AT 12, 13, 14, OR 15 YEARS OLD. Did you fuckin get that? No matter what your actions it was not your fault they targeted you. Even if you agreed to it at 13, 14, 15 you can leave that self blame right here bc that was their bad NOT YOURS. This is where you learned sex = attention, power, control. They would buy you stuff, get you high and drunk, make you feel like the best person they know all (not explicitly stated) for sexual behavior. I learned a skewed view on relationships and appropriate sexual behavior in adult married behavior. I learned to emotionally detach from sex. I learned to over ride the “this shit ain’t right” feeling you get in your chest when you are uncomfortable in a situation. All of these things are what set your boundaries and your very left field view of what kind of attention makes you feel worthwild. This was not your fault and sometimes life has shitty things happen that effect our outlook forever.

So it sure was easy to sleep with boyfriends, I mean you “loved” them, they were always older, sex was something that didn’t come from everybody so with my sexual skills I learned from the pedophiles I was the best gf a 16 year old could have. And bc I could so easily separate sex from emotion (as a conditioned response to molestation) and it was a way to get boys I liked to notice me, I gave it up easily. Not necessarily sex, but sexual acts. It was one way I felt power and control. Boys treated me special on the surface bc I was pretty with tight clothes…but I failed to realize the power was momentary at the cost of respect. Both self respect and respect of everyone else. This was when my first experience with the fuck and run type of dude came in. The first time I cared. After that I didn’t at least I told myself I didn't but This was when I began codependency. They didn’t always fuck and run. I was good at getting boys to stick around for a while. I was a serial dater. I had to have a significant other to feel worth so I had too many boyfriends. Always one on hand one on the backburner. This was you reaching out for real connection, something you felt had been missing both with your parents, your abusers and your random sexual encounters. When I had a bf I was faithful. I know that sounds fucked up bc I just said I had a backburner but I was never sleeping with this other guy. I just friend zoned him knowing he liked me so I could establish my safety net. So one day at 17 Ieft home, went to a house party, hooked up with the guy who’s house it was (Matt) and that was the start of my first adult relationship. I loved him from the bottom of my toes but he often cheated on me and I never left him for it. It was at this time that I severed my relationship with my abusers. I was old enough to at least have an inkling something wasn’t right, plus now I considered it cheating and I didn’t cheat on him. He started selling drugs. We both got into cocaine. It was easy bc I dated the dopeman.

Then he went to prison. I continued the relationship with him but continued to date/sleep with men while he was away. This was when I caught an std and began stripping on weekends. This is still caused by poor boundaries and a skewed idea of sex and power… Set in motion by sexual abuse. By now I had slowed way down on cocaine but had a huge weed and alcohol habit. I worked at a catholic preschool during the week but stripped to pay for my substances on Sat nights. This set off a little bit of the uncomfortable double life feeling but I pushed it down. I also hustled people for substances. Although I never slept with anyone for money or drugs. But I def made them think I might so they would get me high. Never felt bad either bc if your a dude willing to be got you deserved to get hustled…that was my mindset. I also saw stripping as a hustle. Hustle to me means fuck with a lame walk with a limp. I mean if your gonna be thirsty I’ll take your money. This is probably when I acquired my mindset that most dudes were creeps and out to get me. I realize now that by appearing easy I was literally attracting creeps but at the time I enjoyed the attention and the feeling of superiority and has a huge sample of men to confirm my bias.

Every now and then though I got tricked out of my hard exterior and caught feelings. This is my deep emotional need for connection, to feel worth while. This is where I met my daughters father. He was a giant red flag but problem with bad boundaries and emotional regulation is if I liked you I would ignore red flags and become overly obsessed with you. This has continued to be a problem throughout adulthood.

Anyways I dated Tony until He went to prison, then Matt got out of prison until we broke up, then Tony got out of prison and we has Olivia. Then Tony went back to prison and I met Jason, I left Jason when Tony got out of prison but when Tony and I broke up I went back to Jason and we had Leah. Are you seeing the boomerang effect of codependentcy and back burner relationships. One stable relationship was not enough.

I wanted Jason to be different. To be a family but unfortunately Jason turned out to be very abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and a mean one. But for some reason I loved him and let him stomp on me over and over. He took my confidence. He took my pride. He took my soul. I tried to break up with him 30 times he would say no and just wouldn’t leave. I was faithful to him until I moved out into subsidised housing. But even then I didn’t have multiple men just one man that to this day I love. This guy put up with being #2 for 2 years on and off. Maybe he knew I loved him, maybe he knew that I was stuck with Jason, maybe he knew I needed to feel wanted and worthy. During this I felt guilty and shameful. I eventually bought a house and moved Jason in. That is when this other guy got a new gf and left me alone. It was like mourning a breakup that I couldn’t tell anyone. Eventually I legally evicted Jason and this left me with a self worth and connection black hole.

I acted out for a minute on my usual single m.o.. Then an old friend from middle school came in. He was different then others in that he was genuinely nice and cared for my well being. Unfortunately he also came with a huge dose of depression leading to at the time an inability to keep a job or help with housework. But I stayed with him on and off for the next few years bc I loved him for his emotional support and that he made me feel worthy. Plus it was safe. As a woman in her 30s, I am at the point that if I’m in a relationship I don’t cheat or scope out new guys or have a backburner. It kept me emotionally reeled in. But bc of my trust issues, bc of my lack of feeling worthy, bc of my resentment for him watching me struggle, and bc of my need for excitement or passion (see drama) I couldn’t be with him forever. Even after he got better and held a job and helped my brain short circuits and told me that our lack of connection was insurmountable. I broke his heart and he did nothing wrong. I am just still searching for that lasting “in love” connection that I am not sure exists. I harbor huge guilt here. Both for his feelings and for what could be wrong with me that I left what I said I wanted. That maybe my brain will never let me really love. My only empathy here is that I am working on my shit and all I can do is that.

Every time in my adult life when I have been unhappy in a relationship I’ve left instead of fixing. I have searched out attention through suggestive facebook posts or selfies or sexting. I have been emotionally raw towards men. I had a shitty attitude toward relationships. Anytime that I was single or had freedom I either had a fuck buddy that I didn’t feel anything for or sometimes I would make a strong connection and go all in. I would rush it sexually (again not necessarily full sex but messing around for sure) and more times then not I get played. Within 2 weeks after they no longer answer my texts or calls. This is the shit adult shame is built from. How can you be so blind and stupid? Why can’t you be stable and happy? But here is where I need an empathy piece. Your sexuality was already not healthy then Jason stripped you of any self worth. He often told you no one could ever love me bc I was such a low down terrible person, a piece of shit mother, a whore. Six years of that and you begin to believe it. So if a man comes along and sells you a dream of being loveable its hard not to want with all your heart to believe them. And sexuality is my only tool I know for reeling them in. But when things get too serious I start getting scared of being broken or having to work on things that historically haven’t worked or old scars become obsessions.

I am at a point in my life now that I want to change but Tbh I don’t know how. I want to regain respect for myself and I would like to change peoples opinion of me or better yet not care. This has sent me into a major mental health crisis. I want to know how to reel it in and gain respect while still being true to myself. I still yearn for spark, sex and connection but I want to do it healthily. I want to take the emotional polarization and shame out of sex. Instead of not caring at all or being a crazy obsessive smothering weirdo and throwing myself at someone then feeling like an idiot for falling so hard. So maybe dates in public, counting actions over words and putting time in between the spark and the sex.

I am still struggling with what to do about social media. I mean I need to chill on the provocative selfies, attention seeking posts, and entertaining anyone that messages me… but I still like to be noticed. I want to post selfies and I think dirty memes are funny. Anyway this is long. I am still figuring shit out. And I can’t just look at empathy without taking inventory of what I could have done differently. But this post is empathy and it did help take off a small piece of that shame.

(*when I say act out sexually I don't mean I've had hundreds of partners but rather I have been quick to sexually experiment but I have also developed a "stop point". Don't get it too twisted.)

[lesbrarians]

Junkrat/Roadhog:: Voyages Ch 1

Buckle up, guys and gals and nonbinary pals, because I’m finally following up Origins with a sequel. If you haven’t read Origins, I really really recommend that you do -- this first chapter is kind of a prologue with some refresher details, setting us up for the bulk of this story, but there is defs the occasional reference that kind of requires an understanding of the first fic to fully get it. I know it’s a bit of a slow start, but I hope you’ll stick with it, and thank you so much for reading! (This can also be read on AO3 but I guess Tumblr hides posts if you put links in them so??)

Title: Voyages

Characters: Junkrat, Roadhog

Rating: R

Summary:  After a rocky start and some ups and downs, Junkrat and Roadhog are officially partners, even if things haven’t progressed quite as far as Junkrat would like. With his treasure at the heart of their grandiose plans, they take their adventures overseas and leave their mark on the world, for better or worse. (Mostly for worse. They’re criminals.) Sequel to “Origins.”

---

Junkrat had been the one to suggest that they go international. After the Hyde Global incident, he was more than happy to bid Australia adieu and travel overseas. His flitting notion of going legit had evaporated entirely at the suit’s betrayal, and he wanted to go back to what he did best: good, honest, straightforward crime.

“Gotta say, I’m a bit disappointed that we didn’t end up scrapping any bots after all,” Junkrat said that night, once they’d fled the city and set up camp in an abandoned warehouse further down the coast. “Drones ain’t the same.” He toyed with his RIP-tire, running his finger around its rim. After learning of Junkrat’s treasure, Roadhog had done his best to dissuade him from storing it inside his tire once more, but he had been unable to provide him with a more secure storage space that Junkrat approved of. Back in the tire it went. “Listen, ‘Hog, I’ve been thinkin’...” He dropped his hand and shifted to sit on the tire instead.

Roadhog snorted and put the cap back on his canteen. “There’s a surprise.”

Junkrat kicked at him, his boot striking empty air. “I’ve been thinkin’,” he repeated, raising his voice in exaggeration, “that maybe it’s time to test out my little treasure I got here.” He patted the tire and raised his brows at Roadhog, as if to say how ‘bout it?

“To unleash the god program,” Roadhog clarified.

“That’s the ticket!” Junkrat grinned at him. “Imagine...” He gazed dreamily up at the ceiling of the warehouse. “Takin’ over the omnics. I could make them walk right into my traps, blow themselves up! How lovely.” He sighed, a noise of utter contentment.

Roadhog chuckled. “I’m in. Where?”

Junkrat craned his neck to look at him. “Where what?”

“Anubis took over Cairo. Probably would have spread through all of Egypt if it weren't for Helix.”

“So, where do I want to be god?” He considered it. “Somewhere with lots of bots, yeah? Maybe not here, you and yer mates thinned us out with the whole omnium explosion thing. 'Course, still too many of the bastards for my liking, but at least it's not like Numbani. Place’s crawlin’ with the tinheads.” He paused. “Say, that wouldn't be a bad spot! Sure, it'd be ambitious, but y’know me, I like to dream big.”

“No job too big…”

“...No score too small!” It had become their mantra as of late, and Junkrat jumped at the opportunity to finish Roadhog's sentence every time. He relished the verbal affirmation of their partnership. “But hey, why stop there? We could hit up Tokyo, London--” He interrupted his current train of thought with a gasp. “Korea! Can you imagine takin’ down that huge fucker in their ocean?”

“We'd be heroes.”

They both burst into raucous laughter at the thought of anyone considering them heroes. Junkrat wiped a tear from his eye. “But seriously, mate. We oughta go international. I'm sick of this place. I wanna travel!”

So they traveled. Matters were complicated by the fact that they couldn't go on holiday like normal people. It wasn't like two highly notorious criminals could just saunter onto a plane, particularly two who looked as distinctive as they did.

They resorted to convoluted schemes in an attempt to evade the law, aided and abetted by their ethically dubious associates. With a raid of a scuba diving facility near Sydney and Rosa’s assistance, they were able to engineer a rebreather for Junkrat and an apparatus for Roadhog’s gas mask that served as a carbon dioxide scrubber. Having a computer scientist on their side proved invaluable, as she helped with the electronic bits of the rebreather.

“You sure this is gonna work?” Ava asked, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

“You’ve done crazier things,” Junkrat pointed out. He climbed into the motorcycle’s sidecar, feet propped up and head lolling back. “Sliced open me head in yer kitchen--”

“--blew up the omnium--” Roadhog added.

“--busted us outta prison. What’re ya worried for?”

Ava dropped her hand and laughed. “Got me there! Yeah, you’ll be fine.” She pulled Junkrat out of the sidecar so she could slap the two of them on the back good-naturedly.

Rosa kissed them both on the cheek. “Be safe, all right?”

Junkrat grinned. “Can’t promise nothin’!”

“We’ll try,” Roadhog assured her. Junkrat snorted. Empty words. Roadhog might have been more sensible than he was (not that it took much), but they were both reckless by nature, and it was rare for Roadhog to object to any of their wilder ventures.

“I suppose that’s as good as I’m going to get,” Rosa said with a laugh.

There was a momentary lull as everyone absorbed the fact that they didn’t know when they would next see each other, or if they ever would again. Although it was empty except for the massive crate containing their motorcycle, the cargo container they were all standing in felt claustrophobic under the weight of saying goodbye.

Rosa broke the silence. “Oh, but before you go, I have a little going away present for you both...”

Junkrat’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” he said, unable to hide the incredulity in his voice. People never gave him presents. Junkers weren’t keen on handouts, and he had never had someone in his life who liked him enough to give him a gift without expecting something in return.

Rosa handed each of them two soft, knitted bundles. “What’s this?” Junkrat asked, confused. He unfolded it and shook it out to find that it was a jumper made out of thick, black wool, with his trademark bright yellow, x’d out smiley face stitched on the front. A giggle bubbled out of him, and he bounced as he hugged it to his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he wore a shirt, a proper shirt -- there was an army green vest that he had worn over his bare chest as a kid, but he didn’t know if that counted.

“I figured you both might need something warm on your travels -- I hear other countries get a lot colder than Oz in November.” Rosa’s eyes twinkled. “And I knew you would probably have a hard time finding ones that fit.”

Junkrat laughed, elbowing Roadhog. “Yeah, can’t be too easy finding duds in yer size, eh, big guy?” He remembered the way Roadhog’s prison undershirt had constantly ridden up his belly, exposing a slice of his tattoo. There was something to be said for this whole “clothes” thing. Somehow, seeing the way the fabric clung to Roadhog, muscles straining against the too-tight sleeves, felt way more indecent than when he was shirtless.

Roadhog ignored his comment; there was no point in saying anything to the contrary. “Thanks, Rosa,” he said, turning the jumper around so that Junkrat could see it. It was the polar opposite of his, light cream instead of pitch black, a giant pink pig’s head instead of a demented smiley face. It should have been all wrong, given that Roadhog was without a doubt an aggressive, spiked up killer -- or, at the very least, ironic in nature. But it wasn’t. The tooth-rottingly sweet jumper just suited him.

“Yeah!” Junkrat enthused. “Thanks, mate.” He spread out the jumper on a nearby package so that he could admire it. He was itching to pull it on right now, just for the novelty of it, but the humid heat of the cargo container made him reconsider.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Junkrat wasn’t used to people being affectionate with him, asides from Roadhog, and even that was still a relatively recent turn of events. It wasn’t for lack of trying -- he’d certainly tried to be chummy with the other Junkers before he’d been forced to go on the lam, but there was something about him that others tended to find off-putting.

So it was nice to have someone else instigate a friendly hug: Rosa’s soft and warm, just like her, Ava’s a tight, one-armed squeeze.

“Thanks heaps for all the help, mate,” he said gratefully as Ava pulled away.

“No worries, you'll just owe me one.” Ava winked at him. “Take it easy, alright? Don't forget about the rest of us down under! And be safe. You lose another limb or get shot, and Dr. Bones ain't around to patch ya up. And I don't really think Dr. Boom is up to the task.”

Junkrat snickered. “Ahh, probably not,” he admitted. He was good at a lot of things, most of which had to do with destroying property or hurting people: healing was not one of these things.

He let Roadhog say his goodbyes in private -- Ava and Rosa were his friends first and foremost, after all -- and crawled back into the sidecar, sloppily folding the jumper and using it as a pillow. If he peeked over the top of the crate, he could see Roadhog’s forehead pressed against Ava’s. Sexual incompatibility aside, there was a certain kind of bond formed between two people who had committed an act of terrorism together. Junkrat had gotten into some serious trouble with Roadhog before, but they had yet to do anything that quite matched the scale of blowing up an omnium.

He hoped to change that. He reached over his shoulder and fondly patted his tire.

There was just enough room for Roadhog to squeeze into the crate before it was sealed.

“Good thing yer not claustrophobic, eh?”

“Speak for yourself,” Roadhog grunted. He handed Junkrat his rebreather.

Outside the crate, they could hear the sounds of Ava and Rosa filling the rest of the cargo container with junk to be mailed. The more large packages to cover up the motorcycle crate, the lower the chances of anyone bothering to pop theirs open for a visual inspection.

The general gist of their plan amounted to the two of them crossing the ocean as stowaways on a cargo ship. Ava and Rosa were their enablers, posing as women ostensibly shipping their belongings overseas for a fresh start. Between bribes, the cost of engineering the rebreathers, and shipping and handling fees, it was turning out to be their most expensive heist yet. Neither of them particularly cared; they needed to burn through their considerable earnings regardless. Australian dollars would be virtually useless to them the minute they set foot in Japan, given that they had no intention of waltzing into a bank -- at least, not with the express purpose of civilly exchanging currency.

The most challenging hurdle would be overcoming the carbon dioxide detectors used to expose stowaways. With any luck, the rebreathers would take care of that, absorbing and recycling the carbon dioxide in every exhale.

It was a long, tense stretch of time as they waited for some signal that they’d escaped undetected. It was only made worse by the fact that they couldn’t speak.

Junkrat wasn’t claustrophobic so much as he was restless. The crate they were in was huge, large enough to accommodate both their bike and sidecar, but with two overgrown men in it, it got cramped very quickly. He could only sit still for so long before he got fidgety.

He didn’t realise he was acting twitchy until Roadhog pinned his hands to his lap. He startled, head jerking up to look at Roadhog. It didn't do him much good, though -- he couldn't read whatever expression Roadhog was giving him beneath his gas mask, and they were currently incapable of using words to communicate.

He sat there, silently staring down at his lap and Roadhog's hand covering the both of his. He had nice hands, Junkrat decided. Strong and sturdy like the rest of him. Nail polish needed a touch-up, though. Still, not as bad as Junkrat's. He had an unfortunate habit of picking at his nails when there was nothing else to keep his hands busy. It was a reflex from back before he'd lost his arm. He might not have had nails on his mechanical hand to properly chip away at the polish, but he could still cause it to flake off with enough persistence.

Maybe it was a good thing Roadhog was restraining his hands, then. A sudden, unbidden image popped in his head of Roadhog’s hands restraining him in other ways. He quickly shook off the thought, as pleasant a vision as it was, by flexing his fingers.

Roadhog squeezed warningly, a silent reprimand to stop moving, there's already not enough space in here. A burst of laughter bubbled up in Junkrat's chest. Holding it in was quite possibly the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life, with the possible exception of learning how to build a peg leg that supported his body and retraining himself to walk.

He really needed to get out of this box.

They both lurched on the spot as the crate pitched forward. Junkrat didn't know what was happening: if they were just being processed, if they were being loaded onto the ship, if someone had found them out and they were being forcibly ejected from the premises. He wormed his hand out from underneath Roadhog's so that he could lace their fingers together. He just hoped that the bribe would be enough to get them through the initial inspection process, and that the rebreather would carry them home.

They'd found the most vulnerable worker to exploit, with Ava as their proxy, and he seemed grateful enough to hold up his end of the bargain. Ten years from now, some child would be going to university courtesy of the country's biggest criminals. It was kind of touching to think about, Junkrat later said, the two of them acting as sponsors to the unwitting less fortunate, even if it was done solely to further their nefarious plans.

After what felt like an eternity, they heard the unmistakable sounds of the ship's engines roaring to life, followed by the gentle rocking of the waves as they pulled away from the port. Junkrat let go of Roadhog's hand and sat up so quickly that he banged his head on the lid of the crate.

Roadhog detached his rebreathing apparatus for the express purpose of laughing at him, or so Junkrat was convinced. He rubbed his head ruefully and struggled to remove his own rebreather while Roadhog shouldered open the lid of the crate.

Junkrat unfolded his body and climbed out of their hiding space onto the metal shipping container that was wedged behind their box. “Next time, I say we just steal the fuckin' boat,” was the first thing Junkrat said after emerging. He cracked every joint in his neck with a satisfying series of pops and stretched out his back. His head was sore -- that was going to leave a bump -- but the relief he felt at pulling off the first leg of their venture surpassed any physical discomfort.  

“Good a plan as any.”

“This whole ‘bein’ careful’ thing is a roight pain in the arse, I tell ya,” Junkrat continued. They were no strangers to convoluted plans, but they weren't used to being cautious. It just wasn't their style. They were loud and obnoxious and stuck out like a sore thumb, and if Junkrat was going for an elaborate scheme, it was going to be a bold one. After spending more time in the slammer than either of them would have liked, however, they decided it was time for a change of tack. Actively attempting to evade capture, as opposed to doing whatever they wanted and running when they were inevitably caught in the act, couldn’t hurt. “Tokyo better be worth all this bullshit.”

He glanced around the cargo hold. They were on the far end of the ship, near the loading ramp, surrounded by packages that ranged the gamut of sizes. There was hardly any floor space to navigate. He envisioned crawling around on top of boxes to get from one side of the hold to another.

Entirely out of nowhere, his thoughts from inside the crate popped into his mind. “Yer nails are chipped!” he blurted out and pointed at Roadhog triumphantly, thoroughly pleased that his memory hadn’t failed him for once.

To his credit, Roadhog took the abrupt change of subject in stride. He looked down at his hands and grunted in agreement. “Yeah. So are yours.” He pulled their dwindling supply of nail polish out of his pocket and sat down, Junkrat scrambling to sit next to him.

Junkrat held out his hand expectantly. He hadn't been very good at applying nail polish when he had two arms made out of flesh and bone. Now that one of them was mechanical, he was even worse, thanks to the fact that it was nigh impossible for him to hold the small brush in his right hand. Built out of scrap metal and a prayer, his prosthetic naturally lacked the epidermal ridges that would help secure his grip, so the brush just rolled out from between his metal fingers.

Thankfully, he had Roadhog. Roadhog, who always painted Junkrat’s nails first before painting his own. “A proper gentleman,” Junkrat had once called him before bursting into a fit of giggles, although Roadhog had maintained that it was because he couldn’t paint someone else’s nails while his own were still wet.

It was one of the few times when he was capable of sitting perfectly still, his fingertips poised on Roadhog’s palm. The spell was broken as soon as Roadhog declared the touchup complete, and it was back to fidgeting as he waited for his nails to dry. He’d gotten impatient in the past and started touching things before they had set, and it always led to smudged nails, so he had quickly learned his lesson.

It didn’t mean he had to be happy about it, though. He groaned dramatically, waving his hand in the air, while Roadhog studiously ignored him and concentrated on applying polish to his own nails. The wait was made worse by the fact that he was intensely curious about his surroundings and wanted nothing more than to poke around and see what other people were shipping overseas.

The moment his nails were dry enough for him to handle objects, he bounded to his feet and set off to explore. The cargo hold was filled with countless packages, and it was sensory overload as his eyes darted here and there, trying to figure out what he wanted to pry open first. He climbed over boxes, peeking at shipping labels and attempting guess which of them contained interesting loot.

He drew up short when he saw a large parcel with a logo on the side that identified it as a gourmet gift basket company. It took him a solid five minutes to figure out how to break into the crate, until he found a piece of metal that served as a crowbar. He wrenched it open to discover an enormous, cellophane-wrapped basket stuffed with fancy Australian cheeses, biscuits, macadamia nuts, and--

Junkrat threw his hands up in the air. “Jackpot!” he crowed.

“What did you find?” Roadhog called out.

Junkrat brandished two bottles. “We got wine, mate! And food too,” he added as an afterthought. “But the grog’s the important bit.”

He snatched up a lump of gouda to bring back with the bottles of wine, so that they could pretend to be the snobby fine dining assholes that they so often mocked. Junkrat put on his poshest accent.

“Wine and cheese for the good sir!” He bit into the hunk of cheese and passed it to Roadhog along with one of the bottles of wine. He plopped down beside him, the second bottle in his lap, and unscrewed his index finger to expose one of the screwdrivers that were part of his mechanical arm’s infrastructure.

Junkrat took care of the cork by stabbing it with the small screwdriver. He raised his bottle in Roadhog’s direction. “I propose a toast!” he declared. “To new adventures!”

“To new adventures,” Roadhog echoed. “And old friends.”

Junkrat was touched, but he tried not to let on just how much the sentiment affected him. Still, he couldn’t hold back the smile that stretched across his face. “Cheers, mate!” he said, clinking bottles with Roadhog and taking a hearty swig. He was fairly certain wine wasn’t meant to be chugged, but he’d be damned if he let that stop him.

Unlike hard liquor, which made him rowdier than ever, wine turned Junkrat into a sleepy drunk. A bottle or so later, he yawned and inched closer to Roadhog, seeking out creature comforts.

“S’good shit,” he mumbled. “Only ever got pissed off plonk before, y’know, whenever one of the Junkers got their hands on a wine cask or two.” He didn’t know that the good stuff tasted so much better. Wine would likely never be his drink of choice, but it wasn’t all that bad.

“Good old chateau cardboard,” Roadhog rumbled.

Even in his groggy state, Junkrat found the term inexplicably hilarious. He laughed uproariously and pressed an affectionate kiss to Roadhog’s arm.

For once, he didn’t have much to say; he just wanted to be close to his partner and enjoy a moment of silent, drunken bliss. They didn’t get quiet moments together very often. Roadhog was absorbed in sewing a new patch onto his harness, and Junkrat pulled out his detonator to give his own hands something to do. He rested against Roadhog’s leg, his entire body heavy and lethargic and warm as the waves of drowsiness washed over him.

Roadhog placed a hand on his head and ruffled his hair, and Junkrat barely suppressed a purr of contentment. It was a small gesture, but one that he loved. It was affectionate in a way that he had never experienced before Roadhog came into his life. It spoke of familiarity. It made him feel like he was home. He leaned into Roadhog’s touch and fiddled with his detonator, wrapping tape around it. It was cozy in the cargo hold like this, tucked up against Roadhog’s side, and he gradually drifted off to sleep, detonator falling to the wayside.

[adambstingus]

The 8 Types Of Idiots You’ll See At Your Fourth Of July BBQ

This Tuesday marks the most American holiday of the year, which also means that it marks the most bro holiday of the year. Its the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence by the homie TJ (thats Thomas Jefferson, you idiot) and his frat bros, which ultimately just gave a giant fuck you to King George and his entire British colony back in 1776. Yeah, I Googled know some things.

These days, the 4th of July is a time for celebration involving slutty flag attire, 12pm blackouts, and children handling explosives because evidently, America loves to royally fuck things up (K, so its not that bad, Im prob just pissed because Target ran out of flag bikinis). But youre bound to get a solid Instagram make tons of memories that youll never remember, and that wouldnt be possible if not for the idiots who help create the entertainment. So here are all the types of people youll def come across in the midst of your afternoon hangover this weekend.

1. The Annoying AF “USA” Chanter

Starting to feel that 12pm headache roll in from your last round of Jell-O shots followed by a 2-story beer bong? Yeah, no, youre better than that. That raging migraine is due to fucking Captain Bromerica parading around in his flag speedo for 4 hours straight yelling shit like “USA” or “MURICA” after practically spitting out half his shotgunned beer. Hes also managed to piss off 80% of the party after pushing half the guest list into the pool fully clothed, and dont even think about challenging his shitty call in that last game of Beer Pong. Plz just go back to college, Dean.

2. The Politically Misinformed Idiot

Before you know it, WWIII is soon to break out in the suburbs of Maple Street because of this moron. The scary thing is, this can either be a singular person or an entire gang of political dipshits in their Make America Great Again hats, who begin drunkenly slurring about the founding fathers during the American Revolution that somehow turned into Trumpcare aka an IRL Facebook rant aka my worst fucking nightmare. We all know how this domino effect pans out. Before you know it, someone gets offended, and people who dont even want to get involved start shit. Like I literally just made this person up and hes already pissing me off. Next.

3. The Faux DJ

This dudes only interaction with a woman all day has been giving his Amazon robot, Alexa, demands to bump Party in the USA for the 12th time on repeat. He thinks hes the most clever motherfucker every time the chorus hits, but in all honesty, everyones shit faced at this point, and the song is a certified banger, so whatever. Hell also play some hits off his own SoundCloud playlist that consists of dubstep, Smash Mouth and Carly Rae Jepsen, so just let him.

4. The Instagram THOTs

Im not gonna lie to you and tell you that Ive never been this girl before, but I look great in red and Ill find any excuse to chug a PBR, so sue me. Youll never see a girl attempting to wrap a flag bandana around her boobs while posing with a limited edition American flag Svedka bottle (aka me) on Americas bday. TBH, our founding fathers were prob the biggest group of fuckboys in all the 13 colonies and would prob be proud of the cleavage effort betches put into their Instagram posts congratulating their hard work a billion years ago.

5. The Uninvited Guest

Also me at like, half the parties I attend. This person somehow managed to tag along from another party and like the savage they are, scooped up an entire plate of barbecued goods without anyone even realizing, or giving a shit for that matter. Honestly though, they dont even bug anyone that much, because their only social interaction is with whatevers on their platebut like, same same.

6. The Grill Master

Every summer BBQ has a grill Nazi master who literally does nothing but flip burgers while bitching about Trumps latest tweet in a Kiss the Cook apron. Did I mention he does this all fucking day? The grill master is like your dad taking directions on a family road trip aka he doesnt. On second thought, he prob is your dad. So dont even try to order your burger well done or protein-style tofu or whatever your dumb diet doesnt allow, because its either his way or the highway. Then again, Ill be wasted and in desperate need of food once 3pm rolls around, so fire me up fucking burnt toast for all I care.

7. The S.O. Youll Never See Again

Im really not trying to be a pessimist or anything, but if you plan on introducing someone to your friends or family at a BBQ where you know the possibility of a blackout is like 86% or higher, chances are you dont even care to remember them long after either. Listen, I get that nobody likes to be alone while watching the fireworks, but Im not about to invest my precious drinking time into some week-long hookup. On second thought, is he good at Flip Cup?

8. The Passed-Out DAB

Honestly, what betch doesnt love a day filled with drinking, napping, and then eating, in that exact order? The passed-out DAB (Drunk-Ass Bitch) has the brilliant mind to skip all the BS of dumb party games and acting like they love running into half their college class, only to come out of her slumber just in time for a gourmet variety of BBQ meats and an illegal light show. This genius was at her drunken prime at 12pm and managed to take a few good photos before looking like an actual swamp monster. Plus, didnt we all learned from the queen of DABs herself, Corinne Olympios, that Mr. All American Abraham Lincoln praises the frequent nap? If theres one thing I learned from my hot American history teacher, its that men look sexier with their hair pushed back, but mostly that history always repeats itself!

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-8-types-of-idiots-youll-see-at-your-fourth-of-july-bbq/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172288213392

[samanthasroberts]

The 8 Types Of Idiots You’ll See At Your Fourth Of July BBQ

This Tuesday marks the most American holiday of the year, which also means that it marks the most bro holiday of the year. Its the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence by the homie TJ (thats Thomas Jefferson, you idiot) and his frat bros, which ultimately just gave a giant fuck you to King George and his entire British colony back in 1776. Yeah, I Googled know some things.

These days, the 4th of July is a time for celebration involving slutty flag attire, 12pm blackouts, and children handling explosives because evidently, America loves to royally fuck things up (K, so its not that bad, Im prob just pissed because Target ran out of flag bikinis). But youre bound to get a solid Instagram make tons of memories that youll never remember, and that wouldnt be possible if not for the idiots who help create the entertainment. So here are all the types of people youll def come across in the midst of your afternoon hangover this weekend.

1. The Annoying AF “USA” Chanter

Starting to feel that 12pm headache roll in from your last round of Jell-O shots followed by a 2-story beer bong? Yeah, no, youre better than that. That raging migraine is due to fucking Captain Bromerica parading around in his flag speedo for 4 hours straight yelling shit like “USA” or “MURICA” after practically spitting out half his shotgunned beer. Hes also managed to piss off 80% of the party after pushing half the guest list into the pool fully clothed, and dont even think about challenging his shitty call in that last game of Beer Pong. Plz just go back to college, Dean.

2. The Politically Misinformed Idiot

Before you know it, WWIII is soon to break out in the suburbs of Maple Street because of this moron. The scary thing is, this can either be a singular person or an entire gang of political dipshits in their Make America Great Again hats, who begin drunkenly slurring about the founding fathers during the American Revolution that somehow turned into Trumpcare aka an IRL Facebook rant aka my worst fucking nightmare. We all know how this domino effect pans out. Before you know it, someone gets offended, and people who dont even want to get involved start shit. Like I literally just made this person up and hes already pissing me off. Next.

3. The Faux DJ

This dudes only interaction with a woman all day has been giving his Amazon robot, Alexa, demands to bump Party in the USA for the 12th time on repeat. He thinks hes the most clever motherfucker every time the chorus hits, but in all honesty, everyones shit faced at this point, and the song is a certified banger, so whatever. Hell also play some hits off his own SoundCloud playlist that consists of dubstep, Smash Mouth and Carly Rae Jepsen, so just let him.

4. The Instagram THOTs

Im not gonna lie to you and tell you that Ive never been this girl before, but I look great in red and Ill find any excuse to chug a PBR, so sue me. Youll never see a girl attempting to wrap a flag bandana around her boobs while posing with a limited edition American flag Svedka bottle (aka me) on Americas bday. TBH, our founding fathers were prob the biggest group of fuckboys in all the 13 colonies and would prob be proud of the cleavage effort betches put into their Instagram posts congratulating their hard work a billion years ago.

5. The Uninvited Guest

Also me at like, half the parties I attend. This person somehow managed to tag along from another party and like the savage they are, scooped up an entire plate of barbecued goods without anyone even realizing, or giving a shit for that matter. Honestly though, they dont even bug anyone that much, because their only social interaction is with whatevers on their platebut like, same same.

6. The Grill Master

Every summer BBQ has a grill Nazi master who literally does nothing but flip burgers while bitching about Trumps latest tweet in a Kiss the Cook apron. Did I mention he does this all fucking day? The grill master is like your dad taking directions on a family road trip aka he doesnt. On second thought, he prob is your dad. So dont even try to order your burger well done or protein-style tofu or whatever your dumb diet doesnt allow, because its either his way or the highway. Then again, Ill be wasted and in desperate need of food once 3pm rolls around, so fire me up fucking burnt toast for all I care.

7. The S.O. Youll Never See Again

Im really not trying to be a pessimist or anything, but if you plan on introducing someone to your friends or family at a BBQ where you know the possibility of a blackout is like 86% or higher, chances are you dont even care to remember them long after either. Listen, I get that nobody likes to be alone while watching the fireworks, but Im not about to invest my precious drinking time into some week-long hookup. On second thought, is he good at Flip Cup?

8. The Passed-Out DAB

Honestly, what betch doesnt love a day filled with drinking, napping, and then eating, in that exact order? The passed-out DAB (Drunk-Ass Bitch) has the brilliant mind to skip all the BS of dumb party games and acting like they love running into half their college class, only to come out of her slumber just in time for a gourmet variety of BBQ meats and an illegal light show. This genius was at her drunken prime at 12pm and managed to take a few good photos before looking like an actual swamp monster. Plus, didnt we all learned from the queen of DABs herself, Corinne Olympios, that Mr. All American Abraham Lincoln praises the frequent nap? If theres one thing I learned from my hot American history teacher, its that men look sexier with their hair pushed back, but mostly that history always repeats itself!

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-8-types-of-idiots-youll-see-at-your-fourth-of-july-bbq/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/26/the-8-types-of-idiots-youll-see-at-your-fourth-of-july-bbq/

[jimdsmith34]

The 8 Types Of Idiots You’ll See At Your Fourth Of July BBQ

This Tuesday marks the most American holiday of the year, which also means that it marks the most bro holiday of the year. Its the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence by the homie TJ (thats Thomas Jefferson, you idiot) and his frat bros, which ultimately just gave a giant fuck you to King George and his entire British colony back in 1776. Yeah, I Googled know some things.

These days, the 4th of July is a time for celebration involving slutty flag attire, 12pm blackouts, and children handling explosives because evidently, America loves to royally fuck things up (K, so its not that bad, Im prob just pissed because Target ran out of flag bikinis). But youre bound to get a solid Instagram make tons of memories that youll never remember, and that wouldnt be possible if not for the idiots who help create the entertainment. So here are all the types of people youll def come across in the midst of your afternoon hangover this weekend.

1. The Annoying AF “USA” Chanter

Starting to feel that 12pm headache roll in from your last round of Jell-O shots followed by a 2-story beer bong? Yeah, no, youre better than that. That raging migraine is due to fucking Captain Bromerica parading around in his flag speedo for 4 hours straight yelling shit like “USA” or “MURICA” after practically spitting out half his shotgunned beer. Hes also managed to piss off 80% of the party after pushing half the guest list into the pool fully clothed, and dont even think about challenging his shitty call in that last game of Beer Pong. Plz just go back to college, Dean.

2. The Politically Misinformed Idiot

Before you know it, WWIII is soon to break out in the suburbs of Maple Street because of this moron. The scary thing is, this can either be a singular person or an entire gang of political dipshits in their Make America Great Again hats, who begin drunkenly slurring about the founding fathers during the American Revolution that somehow turned into Trumpcare aka an IRL Facebook rant aka my worst fucking nightmare. We all know how this domino effect pans out. Before you know it, someone gets offended, and people who dont even want to get involved start shit. Like I literally just made this person up and hes already pissing me off. Next.

3. The Faux DJ

This dudes only interaction with a woman all day has been giving his Amazon robot, Alexa, demands to bump Party in the USA for the 12th time on repeat. He thinks hes the most clever motherfucker every time the chorus hits, but in all honesty, everyones shit faced at this point, and the song is a certified banger, so whatever. Hell also play some hits off his own SoundCloud playlist that consists of dubstep, Smash Mouth and Carly Rae Jepsen, so just let him.

4. The Instagram THOTs

Im not gonna lie to you and tell you that Ive never been this girl before, but I look great in red and Ill find any excuse to chug a PBR, so sue me. Youll never see a girl attempting to wrap a flag bandana around her boobs while posing with a limited edition American flag Svedka bottle (aka me) on Americas bday. TBH, our founding fathers were prob the biggest group of fuckboys in all the 13 colonies and would prob be proud of the cleavage effort betches put into their Instagram posts congratulating their hard work a billion years ago.

5. The Uninvited Guest

Also me at like, half the parties I attend. This person somehow managed to tag along from another party and like the savage they are, scooped up an entire plate of barbecued goods without anyone even realizing, or giving a shit for that matter. Honestly though, they dont even bug anyone that much, because their only social interaction is with whatevers on their platebut like, same same.

6. The Grill Master

Every summer BBQ has a grill Nazi master who literally does nothing but flip burgers while bitching about Trumps latest tweet in a Kiss the Cook apron. Did I mention he does this all fucking day? The grill master is like your dad taking directions on a family road trip aka he doesnt. On second thought, he prob is your dad. So dont even try to order your burger well done or protein-style tofu or whatever your dumb diet doesnt allow, because its either his way or the highway. Then again, Ill be wasted and in desperate need of food once 3pm rolls around, so fire me up fucking burnt toast for all I care.

7. The S.O. Youll Never See Again

Im really not trying to be a pessimist or anything, but if you plan on introducing someone to your friends or family at a BBQ where you know the possibility of a blackout is like 86% or higher, chances are you dont even care to remember them long after either. Listen, I get that nobody likes to be alone while watching the fireworks, but Im not about to invest my precious drinking time into some week-long hookup. On second thought, is he good at Flip Cup?

8. The Passed-Out DAB

Honestly, what betch doesnt love a day filled with drinking, napping, and then eating, in that exact order? The passed-out DAB (Drunk-Ass Bitch) has the brilliant mind to skip all the BS of dumb party games and acting like they love running into half their college class, only to come out of her slumber just in time for a gourmet variety of BBQ meats and an illegal light show. This genius was at her drunken prime at 12pm and managed to take a few good photos before looking like an actual swamp monster. Plus, didnt we all learned from the queen of DABs herself, Corinne Olympios, that Mr. All American Abraham Lincoln praises the frequent nap? If theres one thing I learned from my hot American history teacher, its that men look sexier with their hair pushed back, but mostly that history always repeats itself!

source http://allofbeer.com/the-8-types-of-idiots-youll-see-at-your-fourth-of-july-bbq/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-8-types-of-idiots-youll-see-at-your.html

[butchstolemysweetroll]

Tagged by @saxrohmerwon ages ago on my brief other blog and just noticed it, thanks bruh ily <3

Rules:  Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag some friends!

1. Favorite city (or town/small island/et cetera) in the world and why?

I guess it’d be Avalon. I basically spent every summer of my life there with family and it’s really small (only seven miles long) so you wind up going to the same few ice cream places or antique stores or pizza shops all the time but you never really get bored of it. The whole place has a quiet, old-timey shore town nostalgia to it too that’s super sweet. And like some of my all time favorite memories were staying on the beach until sunset when the lifeguards were gone so we could swim wherever we wanted, or climbing on the outfall pipe and walking to see how far out I was brave enough to go (it got “higher” ((read: the sand started to disappear)) the further out over the water you went), or walking on the beach at night. That was my favorite part, the nighttime. It’s weird how quiet but how alive everything got after dark, and I could hunt for ghost crabs or watch fireworks and the lights from town on the water, and the sand never bothered me as much when it was cool from the dark.

2. Describe your favorite scent/s.

Autumn, if that counts as a smell. But the combined scent of really brisk air and smoky burning leaves and fresh damp ones and hay and I guess plant life generally decaying, but in a sweet way? I also like flower smells obviously, and food smells, but those are boring to talk about. Gasoline, the specific kind of fake (cotton) paper money is printed on. Coffee. I’ve learned to kind of like the smell of cigarettes on clothes, because my boyfriend smokes and I like waking up in the sweater I wore the night before with that smell still on it. People have smells too. Like my mom smells like perfume even when she isn’t wearing any, and it’s nice. And babies smell rad and trigger ALL of my maternal impulses (cannot wait to reproduce, it’s gonna be gr8). And the boy smells really nice... Not even in like a what-deodorant-are-you-wearing kind of way but like skin and sweat and waking up warm in a cold house on Wednesday mornings. And when he comes home from work smelling like fresh cut grass and wet dirt it’s v nice.

3. Who is/was your favorite teacher and why?

My Romantic Lit professor currently, because he teaches exactly what I want to teach and I have a career crush on him. He’s also just super excitable and enthusiastic (let’s talk about that WEIRD weekend in Geneva the Shelleys took guys! Blake was an EDGELORD!) which I love.

I also had a professor at my old school who was super cool and helped me through a lot of shit? I took her personal essay class right as I was sort of in recovery for depression following a terrible, low key emotionally unhealthy (abusive? I still don’t know if I can use that word? Either way, OVER-SHARING YAY) romantic relationship and I explored that and a lot of other stuff pertaining to my childhood and relationships and discovering my queerness in my work for her class, and she was super supportive and involved in helping me experiment with new formats and really use writing as a therapeutic tool and it helped me heal a lot. She was also just a super cool lady (lots of tattoos and wispy blonde hair and a quiet voice, kind of a hipster fairy) who hung out with me at a local music festival in town when I was like fresh out of the hospital and having trouble being around my normal friends. She just always made sure her door was open and went out of her way to make me feel better, and to this day I appreciate that.

4. What is your favorite poem?  (Substitute with “song” if you don’t have a favorite poem.)

Oh my GOD, don’t make me choose. I’m obsessed with the Romantics and a few contemporaries have my heart, but I guess I’d have to say “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost. It’s just beautiful and hopeful and simple enough that tiny me could fall in love with it and appreciate it almost in its fullness when I was too young to grasp other works.

5. Weirdest thing you’ve ever heard out-of-context?

Ever? I don’t tend to remember stuff like that for a long time unless I’d like hypothetically overheard a murder or something, but last night some girl was walking back from our student center with her friends and angrily shouted that she wanted to “put her dong through a snare drum” which made me laugh.

6. Best concert experience?  (If you have never been to a concert, what do you hope your first concert will be?)

Still gotta say Green Day after just turning 15 years old. I’d never been to a concert before and they were my favorite band at the time. I was so proud to be there because I had 0 dollars to my name and no one would hire me because I was underage, so I had to earn every penny for those tickets doing gross menial work like removing and scrubbing window frames that hadn’t seen soap in maybe a decade (SO MANY SPIDERS), and teeny bopper me thought that was 'punk.’ And at one point Billie Joe Armstrong, who my pathetic little emo self wanted to MARRY told the audience he was proud of everyone who’d worked their ass off to afford to come see them play and I remember turning to my dad and screaming “HE MEANS ME!” It was so wholesome.

7. Favorite holiday (or other special occasion) and why?

Christmas! My house was THE Christmas house growing up. My parents put so much effort into it and it was the cutest thing. Besides the outrageous amount of decorations and the amazing food that takes all week to make and the cute tradition of having my grandparents spend the night to watch us open presents first thing in the morning, the best part of Christmas growing up was definitely the effort my family put into making us kids believe Santa was real for way longer than necessary. One year my uncle got a flashlight and a red solo up and climbed trees in our yard so we’d see “Rudolph’s nose” if we looked out the window. We put out reindeer food every year. My dad would stomp around shaking jingle bells and someone always climbed on the roof making noise, and my mom knew calligraphy, so she’d write us scrolls from Santa on legit parchment and toast it in the oven so it would curl. One year we had an old, old family friend who was a Santa impersonator show up with a legit sleigh and a giant book with all the family member’s names and the years they were naughty and nice in it and stories about why and it was so cute. So whereas most kids found out around like 8 my parents went to extreme lengths so that I believed it until I was like 11 and honestly, I’m really glad they did, because it was a kick ass childhood. I definitely want to be that level of extra when I become a parent.

8. Did you ever play an instrument growing up?  If so, how did it go for you?

Guitar, bass, after I learned guitar I could play pretty much anything pluckable with strings, so I had a Romanian lap harp (I was such a cool kid) and I would sometimes play my sister’s viola (often incorrectly and like a guitar, but it was fun to sample when I recorded stuff). I haven’t sang or touched an instrument in like seven years though. I kind of gave up after sad life stuff happened but I want to pick it back up again. I really miss music.

9. If you were given $100 today, what would you do with the money?

Use it toward Christmas presents for loved ones. Since I’m basically not allowed out of the house after I go home for break I have to do Christmas early with the friends and boyfriend.

10. What’s the scariest movie you have ever seen?  (Define scary however you like.)

I love scary movies so this is hard, but I guess anything in which children are genuinely evil? Like not even in a supernatural way; it’s not horror but watching We Need To Talk About Kevin fucked me up. I guess being a mom is like so much something that I want, and imagining that happening would def keep me up at night. Especially because I would not know what to do.

Now, for questions:

1. What’s your favorite article of clothing?

Dresses but also plain black leggings. And I have very soft sweatpants that fit just right.

2. Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?

Nope. I can’t sleep with the live one either lol, Bynx likes to sleep RIGHT where I want to roll over and screams and puts his paws in my mouth when he wants attention.

3. Do you believe in heaven? Hell?

Both, Catholic.

4. Do you listen to podcasts? What are your favorite ones?

Not really, but I’d like to, in theory. It just seems like more effort somehow than watching TV and I am always tired.

5. What was your go-to game during recess?

Four square.

6. Where do you see yourself in the next ten years– not in a job interview kind of way, but actually?

Awwww this is cute to think about. I guess I’d like to be living in like a really woodland but not isolating place, somewhere where my house can be on a lake or by woods or mountains but if I drive ten minutes there’s a cozy-sized town with all I need. Maybe in like Virginia or Vermont. I’m a professor of Gothic Literature at the local college, and my students are engaged and inspiring and call me by my first name. I’m in a pretty and not-too-big house, but it’s warm and smells like our fireplace. I’m married to my lovely guy, and both our jobs are flexible enough that we can have dinner as a family and spend time with our brood of kids. And they pay well enough that we might not be wealthy but we never have to worry. The cat’s still with us and we’ve got a dog, too. We go on camping trips and The Lumberjack teaches the kids how to build fires and tie knots and dad stuff like that. One of the kids at least loves reading and the house is full of books - I’ve got a home office full of bookshelves and a reading nook. We’ve got a porch where we can bundle up and drink wine in the evening after the kids are in bed. We’re not rich but not poor, and our families get along and come to visit. My parents still ask us over for Christmas every year. Wherever I teach, my kids can go there for free.

7. Do you have a favorite visual artist? Who are they?

Oh lord, I don’t know. I mean I like art but I hate the process of liking art. It’s so much more involved than “I like how this piece makes me feel” and I don’t enjoy that. I like individual pieces and I don’t know enough about art to really speak on it.

I guess, though, I like Dali and Khalo as people. They seem unpretentious and fun. Which is surprising because I guess the way their work is talked about you’d think the opposite.

8. Do you really like a food that most people think is disgusting? Or, do you like a popular food to a disgusting degree?

Not really but like I put too much hot sauce / jalapenos on everything and it disgusts people. And I put way too much sugar in coffee, and creamer too.

9. What music did your parents play in the house/car?

My mom is a New Wave junkie like me and my dad had more complicated taste. He was never big into music, so he only really likes a few artists for their voices and some songs for nostalgia. So we listened to a lot of oldies and swing and Judy Garland, but he also loved Blondie and Boston.

10. What would you tell your 15-year-old self?

I’d tell her she’s a lot stronger than she’s going to think she is one day and to tough it out. That people love her and will love her. That when you get older, family is hard, but it’s worth it to work on things. That she’s smarter than she thinks she is and should try harder in school, because when she finally does have faith in herself, it’ll pay off. 

Tagging whoever else wants to do this - it’s cold and rainy (here at least) and we could all use a day of warm socks and procrastinating with asks, honestly.

[sixthousandninehundredmiles]

September 16, 2017 AH so today is essentially my last day in Singapore cause I’ll be at the airport at 3am the next day. And wow it was amazing. Throughout the entire day though, I was just thinking about you and how amazing it would be if you were there. Travelling with people who aren’t that close to your heart is just really different. But nonetheless, its an experience that I will be thinking about for quite some time. Singapore really captured my heart today, cause I actually got to explore more and see what it has to offer. The sights from practically anywhere is beautiful, and the whole city is just so well run. Our day started off with a tour of Chinatown! It was a 2.5 hour tour starting at 9:30, and it was really cool. I felt like I learned a lot about the history, and our tour guide was amazing! She spoke fluent English, and always stopped to give witty and funny comments. She also went extremely in depth when describing each event that had happened. However, the one Canadian girl, shes white, thought the tour was boring l o l. typical. I was kinda annoyed because shes just kind of culturally insensitive, so this tour was just not a good overall choice I guess for her. Oh yeah, jonghong also didn’t come on the tour with us because he was too tired, so we ended up meeting him after the tour was over at Maxwell Food Center again for lunch! I got the Hainanese chicken rice again hehe, and omg the line was so long this time. It wrapped around the building… yeah but it was worth it as expected! I also got myself a mango juice, and that was really good!! I think mangos are a huge thing here.. everywhere I go their specialties will always include mangos haha. After lunch, we decided to go to Gardens by the bay. Gardens by the bay has two main components, the cloud forest and the flower garden. Both were incredible. My favorite one was probably the cloud forest, because it was really green and misty and basically you would take an elevator up and then walk in a spiral back down. That waterfall picture is at the cloud forest! It was just overall really pretty to be in. everything felt really surreal. I was kind of annoyed, because celine always asked me to take pictures, and I don’t mind casue I know how it feels to want cute pictures? But omg I would always take the best pictures for her, and then her pictures for me would be crooked, blurry, and etc. and im just literally like girl. If you take another shitty picture, I will do the same.. like bruhhhh UGH it was just really annoying for me. LOL I need my expert photographer boyfriend basically. It was also kind of frustrating because everyone just had such low energy, so everyone was just super tired, and Idk maybe I just had too much energy? I just wanted to have conversations and talk and laugh WHILE exploring Singapore, but it was more like just walking from place to place in silence. The flower garden was also beautiful, it was much more colorful and its where I took the cinderella picture! Im still waiting on my carriage!! But yeah it was also quite cool, ike they had mini gardens with themes for each one. Like there was a small patch of different kinds of aloe, so they called it “aloe in wonderland” and decorated with characters from the story. That was quite cool. Afterwards, we headed off to Sentosa Bay, because celine wanted a picture of the merlion, it’s the giant lion statue that has the body of a mermaid. According to the stories, the merlion is supposed to protect Singapore from floods and typhoons. Its really big, like we took the picture from a block away so that we could get the whole thing in LOL it was really annoying tho because celine was like super adamant about finding this statue, and when we got here she was like omg this isn’t the one. Turns out the one that she actually wanted a picture with was the one back in Marina Bay…. Like omg did you not do your research???? Confused af. But we still took a good amount of pictures, and then we went to walk around the mini park the lion was in. we stopped by hard rock café for a snack because we were all hungry and I was still craving some good fries. LOL everyone got nachos which looked good but I just wasn’t feeling it so I got some garlic fries. Meh…. Ive had much better but I guess I just have to make do. After going to hard rock, jonghong wanted to show us this one beach that’s manmade I honestly forgot the name..im gonna have to look it up lol but it was pretty ugly. I think its funny cause everything is manmade, even the beaches. Like normal beaches are sloping ya know, so like if you walk out in the sand you’ll be slowly getting deeper, for this beach, it slopes for like 2 feet then drops straight down LOOOL so like if you ever go walking in the beach, if you take like an extra step youd just fall all the way in. LMAO smh smh we also saw a peacock getting chased by a little girl…. Smh Asians control your kids. And celine was annoying me again cause she just refused to go anywhere and sat on the ground, so all of us were like ok lets go back. So we decided to head back to the hostel. At this point it was probably around 6:30-7? So we got back to our hostel around 7:30, and we decided to meet up again at 9 to go out. We were supposed to shower but we were all so tired we just laid down and talked. Thank god celine was in a different room and it was just the three of us or I might have just been so done with her. Shes so high maintenance ugh. We met up again at 9, and decided to go try the really famous satay place in Singapore, its at the Telok Ayer Center, and its outside in stalls 7-8. Its actually quite cool, its like an outdoor satay restaurant, but if you look around theres like these TOWERING skyscrapers. I just thought it was cool to have someone as low scale as outdoor bbq, and then have these massive modern skyscrapers surrounding us. The satay was AMAZING. I don’t think ive ever had such good grilled prawns. That was probably one of my favorite things ive had. It was sooo good, and it was like 41 for 4 people, so I mean 10 per person is pretty worth!! I just loved it. I wanted to order more shrimp but I don’t think they enjoyed it as much as me. They liked the beef/lamb skewers more LOL Then after that we walked along Marina Bay, where we saw more amazing night views. I think I might have to post two different posts with more pictures because I cant show you everything… I think Singapore just looks so beautiful at night. Everything is lit up. We also found the actual merlion statue that celine was looking for, the one that shoots water and we took some photos there too. Whats really annoying is that there was a grand prix car race this weekend, so most of the walkways were closed so we had to take a lot of roundabouts and trying to get a taxi was also a bitch too l o l After the pictures, we headed to Clarke quay, at this point it was like 11pm at night? And we just found a nice bar to sit down in and drink a bit before going clubbing. I really wanted a gin lemon, which was a drink that my friend ordered for me? It might have been called something else, cause hes Spanish so what he told me could’ve been wrong. But the drink I got this time def was not it andit tasted like shit lol so didn’t drink it. And then we went to the club, and while we were walking across the bridge, this one drunk white guy pushes past Vivian and walks towards me and says “wait, hold up” and im like …? And then he tries to reach for my waist so I just back away and I kind of froze up when he came up again. Thankfully Jonghong was there, and kinda shielded me while I darted around him. Bleh drunk people. Entrance to the club is typically 30, but our waiter was nice and just told us to order a drink and they’ll let us in. so our drinks were like 22 dollars? So a little bit cheaper. I got something called the Queen of Hearts, and it was raspberry flavored? And it was actually pretty good. Lmao im so lame, I drank like half of it, and then my cheeks instantly flushed my head began pounding. But we went dancing for a bit, and it was really nicee!! The music was bomb and we were all in a good mood to dance. Everyone was pretty nice overall, no bs guys, and they had a lot of rave lights LOL we danced until 2:30 before jonghong started to feel sick again so we had to go back. We got home around 3, and we decided to lay down for 30 min before leaving for the airport. And that basically summed up my last day in Singapore!! oof what a long post. ^___^

[tune-collective]

Katy Perry, Desiigner & More Are Spotify Editors' Picks for New Music Friday

Katy Perry, Desiigner & More Are Spotify Editors' Picks for New Music Friday

Every week, Spotify updates their “New Music Friday” playlist, featuring 50 of the freshest new tracks hitting the service that week.

On the heels of Billboard‘s partnership with the streaming giant, we’ll be tapping Spotify’s editors to sift through the soon-to-be-hits and highlight the best of the bunch.

Check out the picks and listen to the entire “New Music Friday” playlist below.

Katy Perry – “Chained To The Rhythm” ft. Skip Marley

At this point, Katy Perry knows us all too well. With today’s release of the superstar singer’s new single, “Chained to the Rhythm,” the 32-year-old not only makes her overdue return to the top of our playlists but humbly reminds us that she’s long been a fan-favorite for a valid reason, singing, “Turn it up, it’s your favorite song / Dance, dance, dance to the distortion.” While that foreshadowing line may be a safe bet given Perry’s impeccable past success, even in the song’s first initial run-throughs, its potential to be the next major earworm is undeniable. While Perry is warming up for a 2017 takeover, starting with her recently confirmed performance at the 59th Annual Grammy Awards this weekend, she chose to debut the song in an epic fashion, literally scattering speakers masquerading as disco balls all over the world, inviting fans to participate in a scavenger hunt to seek out her latest tune. “Chained to the Rhythm” enlists a guest feature from Bob Marley‘s grandson, Skip, who made his debut on our #SpotifyNMF playlist just last week. Much like his new single “Lions,” the collaborative track holds a strong-but-subtle political message woven into it, simultaneously inspiring us all to do better and rise above what is looking to tear us down. As Perry readies her first studio album since 2013’s Prism, it’s clear she’s not holding anything back this year, proudly declaring, “We gonna call this era Purposeful Pop.”

Migos – Spotify Singles

While Atlanta may have had the upset of the year with last weekend’s unpredictably theatrical Super Bowl outcome, Migos is here to save the day. As the rap group continues to hold it down as ambassadors of the culture enjoying the recent fruits of their labor, recently releasing their second studio album, the reigning champs stopped by Spotify’s New York headquarters to bless the studio with their signature lavish trap sound and have some fun in the process. Although their album, Culture, debuted at the number one slot on the Billboard charts, the group stays on their grind, even creating a brand new single that doubles as an ode to their recent collaboration with hip-hop’s favorite snack food company, Rap Snacks. For their own special edition bags of potato chips, the group went with a sour cream flavor, aptly naming their catchy new track, “Dab of Ranch,” after their own Rap Snacks’ branding. After the group posted a viral video of themselves freestyling about the fact they now have their own chip, the next logical step naturally was to lay it down in the studio. During the Spotify session, the group’s members go back and forth creating what feels like an unlikely love story, with the lyrics playing into the theme brilliantly, with lines such as “Money like bags of chips / hunnits of bags I flip / finger-licking with the ranch / leaving crumbs on your lips,” and “Get your rap snacks with a dab of ranch / If there ain’t no more call the ambulance” the song is surprisingly (or not-so-surprisingly) incredibly well-written and full of personality, not straying far from Migos’ traditional bangers. In fact, this one can arguably hold its own weight in the club, proving not everyone can pull off a potato chip tribute quite like the Migos can. Rounding out their session with a unique rendition of their track, “T-Shirt,” the Atlanta heavyweights continue to secure their sky’s-the-limit legacy.

Adam Friedman – “What If”

Adam Friedman has been wisely preparing for the very stage his career in music has now arrived to for ages. While many artists are eager to release their music into the world the exact second an engineer sends back the master, this emerging singer-songwriter has opted to forge his own path. After graduating from the Berklee College of Music in 2014, Friedman headed straight to the studio, where he worked on Mike Posner‘s second studio album At Night, Alone, while also creating the original song score for an animated feature film Rock Dog, going on to become the singing voice of the main character, who was played by Luke Wilson. After staying busy with these endeavors, Friedman released his debut single into the wild, with “Pretty Things” going on to debut at #10 on Spotify’s Global Viral Chart. Now that he’s gotten his feet wet, it’s just the beginning, with the LA-based musician today releasing his debut EP, Green. While the 5-track collection features two singles that may sound familiar, his celebrated collaboration with Mike Posner “Lemonade,” a track that has since impressively racked up over 6 million streams as well as his lead single, “Sad,” the other tracks on the project serve as an exciting reminder that Friedman is slowly and steadily making his way onto everyone’s radar. With “What If,” Friedman’s opening vocals are perfect for a pensive reflection, as he wonders what would have happened if things with someone who had caught his eye went a little bit differently. The ambience of the song then erupts into warm electronic production full of pan flute-esque synths and a delectable variety of drums, swirling with inevitable sing-along moments proving that Friedman’s ability to borrow elements from pop and dance music alike continues to work in his favor.

Desiigner – “Outlet”

While 2016 put Desiigner on the map in a permanent way with the release of his platinum singles “Panda” and “Timmy Turner,” this year finds the rapper on a whole new level but chasing after the same goals. The 19-year-old is wasting no time getting back down to business after enjoying the breakout success he’s now received his first heavy heaping of, recently announcing a six-week U.S. tour to kick off in April. Not only that but he also followed up the exciting news with a fresh new single, “Outlet,” a song that shares the same name as the 25-city tour run and gives fans a taste of the new material the G.O.O.D. music emcee has been cooking up for his highly anticipated Def Jam debut, The Life of Desiigner. On the new track, the Brooklyn native navigates less-familiar territory, straying a bit from the patterns used in his previous singles, while tactfully weaving in his signature chirps, buttery rhyme-singing and braggadocios battle cries. While the song interestingly enough doesn’t feature the word “outlet,” the song doubles as a reminder that the reputedly high energy Desiigner is still charged up and ready to go. While discussing the new single, Desiigner naturally is already looking toward the bigger picture, using his new music as fuel to get him to where he wants to go next, even thinking as ambitiously as an astronaut. “I got millions and trillions, I’m here to entertain,” he recently declared. “If I gotta get to the next planet and it’s the first ship going up there and it’s a performance, I want to do that. You feel me? So I’m trying to just be everywhere man, just be everywhere.” With “Outlet” the first reveal of what Desiigner has on deck, it’s without a doubt that while the rapper may have a long ways to go until he reaches his out-of-this-world aspiration, he certainly is heading in the right direction.

Fifty Shades Darker – Official Soundtrack

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, today’s timely release of the second installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise is making sure that regardless of how one may feel about the hallmark holiday, the film’s soundtrack is here for the die-hard romantics and the reluctant population alike. As the best-selling book series went on to takeover the big screen, with Fifty Shades of Grey and now Fifty Shades Darker, it’s only fitting that the accompanying soundtrack is full of major players, unlikely collaborations and as much sex appeal as the erotic romance tale itself exudes. While the film’s first soundtrack birthed some of 2015’s most sultry anthems, including The Weeknd‘s “Earned It” and Ellie Goulding‘s “Love Me Like You Do,” this year’s collection appears to hold just as much promise as its predecessor. As recently featured on #SpotifyNMF, Taylor Swift and Zayn‘s collaboration “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever,” has already racked up an impressive 175M plays on Spotify, with Halsey‘s offering “Not Afraid Anymore,” gliding past 6M, building anticipation to see what else the star-studded collection has in store. With songs from John Legend, Tove Lo, Sia, Kygo, The-Dream, Nick Jonas, Nicki Minaj and more, Fifty Shades Darker covers a lot of ground, both in both the lyrical sense and genre-wise. With songs ranging from tropical house-tinged tracks to piano-led ballads to sinister pop, the soundtrack explores an overall theme of lust, with each track tackling a new interpretation of the complicated emotion and experience. While the film’s at-times controversial plot is a bit more dark than the content of its soundtrack may be, Fifty Shades Darker is poised to dominate theaters and the airwaves alike this weekend and then some, with the conversations surrounding the cultural phenomenon destined to continue well past its debut opening.

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/02/25/katy-perry-desiigner-more-are-spotify-editors-picks-for-new-music-friday/