#its like. 3 adults and 4 little fuzzy babies. just in the road! all day! huddling up in one of the potholes

[italianfish]

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- Michael Jackson part 1, before he came around

- That’s a sexy gauge

- We have cones in our eyes??? *Turns to friend* Show me your eyes.

- What’s ROYGBIV? Is that a person?

- I put the jewish inside of him

- The air in my house is polluted with sleeping pills

- One day someone will react to my gay jokes

- One day someone brought a tub of ice cream out of their backpack in the middle of class

- Hey Francis (Talking to a blow up alien)

- Why do you like assholes

- Aladdin doesn’t have nipples

- Support your own god damn neck!

- I saw my friend in the bathroom and he gave me orange juice

- FORM THE EQUATOR!!!

- Yes, indeed my good sir

- Sharing your wealth is the way to become poor

- I’m sorry I don’t have calcium in my body

- Why the pancreas?!

- I watched this show and these characters exploded and it was my favorite show

- Someone is going to lose a pancreas

- A: Don’t lose your pancreas B: I’ll try to hold onto it

- She knew how to multiply! And I was like “You’re only three!”

- Come on Moser, hitting the nut won’t do anything

- I work with a prostitute

- I love crunchy pancakes

- You are a big neon doof

- Look I can spit, I’m cool now

- ‘Ay! Trout!

- In her free time she did her taxes

- Hey! You like Raisin Bran?

- If you get a rooster you’ll be hungry, unless you eat him

- It smells like Hawaii

- If A claims he’s a god and Jesus says he’s the son of god... Does that mean Jesus is A’s son?

- We managed to convince our sub that this was a film and lit class so we watched infinity war all period

- A- So let’s keep the duck B- It’s a vulture...

- Did you just call me fuzzy?

- I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on

- He looks like a punk rock jazz drummer

- A- British! British! B- I HAVE A NAME!

- Stop putting your dog in the oven!

- Did you expect it to be that good of a cactus?

- I relate to Squidward so much

- He was like the dad that left to get cigarettes and never came back

- We’re literally following Marty Mcfly

- My elbows are funky fresh

- A- You shank em’ B- No! That is the exact opposite of a solution!

- Unicorns caused global warming

- A- No balls in class! B- But we’re in health

- The crazy chellos are back

- See! I do have friends!

- It’s a train, a train of love

- A- Why do they keep getting rid of the babies? B- I don’t know, abortion

- You have to earn the bucket hat

- My friend brought in 7 bucket hats

- Hide the forks!

- The turtles tried to cross the road once

- I’m scared of turtles

- So does everyone just carry a sword around in their back pocket?

- When you’re fishing, anyone in a bucket hat has authority

- She has cheese on her hook!

- Are your knee pits moist?

- Why are you molesting me with water

- I was born vaccinated

- I was born to be a little spoon

- Why do I look like a hispanic man

- Can I tickle your knee pits?

- You’re going to get eaten by the ocean

- A- You’re a hot mess B- Hey! At least I’m hot!

- They’ve developed a handshake! Isn’t this a problem?!

- We’re in the OG thirteen colonies

- A- I’m not used to seeing those big grassy structures B- You mean trees?!

- My name is bagged milk

- You only drink bagged milk once, in Canada

- It’s not expensive, you’re just poor

- I forgot I’m a lady

- That’s you after I poop

- I want to be Brazilian

- I figured out what the voice was! They’re playing Bingo

- A- Do “coo coo” B- CAW

- It’s probably in a nice aisle, aisle 9

- So inside the bag there are 3 more bags full of milk

- Mom we got the bagged milk

- He told me I looked like Nicholas Cage

- Her bio says inhale the kale

- I feel like an easy bake oven

- The bags just like, left

- But what about the unicorns

- Look at that potato! That looks free!

- Everyone! Find a piece of metal and lick it

- I’m the toilet man

- Go fetch me grapes

- All girls want to molest this

- He ate a whole pancake out of an Applebee’s dumpster

- Why did he eat turf

- I’m on a mission to find dairy products

- I was going to go to school and pretend to be a witch

- Remember when you put the lotion in my mouth and I drank it?

- We’re playing quarter baseball

- Pretend you’re sleeping

- The ultimate frisbee association

- My mom picked me up from school so I could go to ultimate frisbee practice

- They got a $2000 grant for a barely existing ultimate frisbee team

- She’s ultra mom

- The dodgeball guy called my friend a walrus

- We did a dramatic reading of an adult novel

- He was buying materials to make a whip

- Grate her down like a piece of cheese

- We sat in a circle and named our most Jewish quality

- 4 is the cosmic number

- I hate being a fertile woman

- Excuse me I’m Jewish

- Surprise disco duet

- I shook like 7 tents

- She’s the strings teacher, we keep her in the basement

- Whenever we finished a test and we said “I’m done” he would say “I’m done! You’re finished!” his last name was Done

- I thought the fire hydrant was a turkey

- I asked him if his password was like an anniversary or something and he said “It’s the date of my grandparents death”

- He gives us weekly quantum physics lectures

- Bruh! That looks like a lunchbox!

- No offense but this guy would make out with a floorboard

- You seem like the kind of person to kiss a floorboard

- You sound exactly like my pediatrician

- Lots of poop, no sock

- She’s not doing her work, she’s looking at Peppa pig

- Yo neighbor, I need some sugar

- White moms are really easy to scare

- Even though it’s part of Asia, ITS NOT

- Why was there a hanging waffle?!

- I got complimented on my croissant

- You can sell your liver

- Bernie Sanders reminds me of a muppet

- WHY IS THERE A HELICOPTER IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

- What are you going to do? Hunt squirrels?

- *A bunch of AP students shouting “Linguini”*

- I got bitten by an iguana in Aruba

- We got an actor to join the hammock group chat

- Say goodbye to your ovaries

- I’m half a butt cheek away from death

- Are you one of those people who puts ice cream and pop tarts in a blender

- Yo! You got any shoes I can eat???

- That’s how you segregate your trail mix???

- He has a six pack of ribs

- I’m so done with books about African children

- Do homies kiss

- I’m here for the num nums

- Don’t touch my pizza you savage!!!

- HURRY UP AND MEDITATE

- What are you for Halloween? Jewish?

- Do ducks have tails

- He was the one that broke the constitution

- Oh god now there’s Hitler on my paper

- God given right of ruling... Manifest destiny in China

- Do you shampoo your eyebrows

- This isn’t Bayblade!

- Bob Ross wasn’t an artist, he was an art therapist

- If anyone on the team is a jellyfish, it’s definitely Brandon

- It’s your fault that I’m not going to college!

- I’m having spinach for dinner! I’m so excited!

- I locked him in his toolbox

- Let’s rent a midget for a day and we can throw him against a wall

- I know how to utilize money, but do I know how to utilize it well, that’s another question

- Man, that place needs a Chick-fil-a, and I’m going to make it

- We should have the purge in school one day

- If you’re weird enough, people won’t want to rape you

- Flex seal it with tape

- Oh yeah, I got vinegar all over my sweatshirt

- Don’t say “Have a good day”, because I’m not having a good day

- Well maybe someday you’ll have cancer

- What’s up guys, I’m from Richie’s pizza, and today I’ll be showing you my body count

- An obo sounds like a clarinet with Down syndrome

- I DONT HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUSCE ON ME RIGHT NOW

- WE WILL SMUGGLE OUR KIDS TO AMERICA

- I’m the jolly black giant

- You pissed off a priest

- If we get a lot of money, I can take her boyfriend to prom

- Ted Bundy would share a lot of ideas with you

- They’re doing a milk experiment... But with marinara

- A- That’s not a color! B- But it’s on a crayon!

- Hey what’s up cheese goblin

- I’m letting my toes breathe

- I’m just saying, tinfoil doesn’t taste that bad

- YOURE EATING IT YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE

- When I was away were you in my house? Because it’s happened before

- How do you say I have scoliosis in Italian?

- I’m gonna give give birth to a duck, right here, right now

- Are you comparing a 3D printed violin to genocide

- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE

- Brother from another mother, TELL ME ABOUT THAT

- I’m a vulture, just vulturing

- I’m going on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant on my birthday

- You’re making my vagina angry

- Competitive Just Dance team

- Oh no there’s spaghetti falling out of my pockets!

- (Yoda impression) Take anger out on minorities I must

- I can turn off the lights and you’d still be white

[suitcasetales]

A Whole Lotta Shakin’ Going On

What can I say? It is 2020 after all. With two trips cancelled and one of those cancelled a second time, we have been doing nothing but working, walking Cokie, saving money and (me) banking a lot of vacation time at work. With infection rates steamrolling in the wrong direction and a lot of folks’ behaviors and mask wearing circling the drain, the chances of any international travel for 2020 looks hopeless.

We both wanted to do something.....anything to get away for a change of scenery and so we began combing the internet trying to find an available beach house somewhere not too far away. On June 29, we lucked in to this one.....available and offering a 10% discount due to several available upcoming weeks and no surcharge for bringing along Fido. Sold! Even if we had never been to Emerald Island....sold! Even if we were four or five blocks from the ocean.....sold! Even if there was no swimming pool....sold! Booked, paid for and without travel insurance, we thought we were safe. And then there was talk of a tropical storm turning into a hurricane and coming up the east coast. Great. Thanks again 2020.  

I am out of practice writing my blog but since Emerald Isle is a new destination for us, I thought I would share our experience. Emerald Isle is one of many barrier islands on the coast of North Carolina. Due to the curve of the coastline, when you are on the beach staring at the waves (as one does), you are actually looking south. We are very near “The Point” where the island ends, the ocean waves flatten and the Bogue Inlet turns into the Banks Channel. From the top floor of our rental home, we can see the ocean and the channel. 

We three joined the parade of folks walking out on The Point one evening for the sunset, a very popular thing to do here!

It is not like we had a choice because this was the only small (relatively) house available but we think we really lucked out being on this end of the island. Our neighborhood appears to have a lot of year-round residents so it is quiet and very well cared for with beautiful landscaping. There is a shady public pathway from our neighborhood to the beach. 

We see turtles, frogs, rabbits and several deer on our walks (or in our driveway).

We experienced some of the other part of Emerald Isle when out for dinner. So I can’t stress enough how much we would recommend this end of Emerald Isle....and not so much the main area. The two areas are very different.

The beach itself suffered a lot of damage and erosion thanks to Hurricane Florence in September 2018 and restoration work is ongoing but where we have been sitting or walking, you would not know it. The sand is nice, the beach is wide, the dunes well established and the sea grasses healthy and picturesque. 

There is only one small condo complex at this end so the beaches are no where near crowded. Although there are no lifeguards, beach patrol drives up and down the beach. At every public beach access, there is a rescue buoy on a rope, a whistle and a reminder to call 911 if these items are needed. Leashed dogs are welcome all the time and all types of beach structures are allowed.

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Before this trip, we had never seen this style of cabana before. They are very popular here and on the more windy days down on the beach, we never saw one blown down or damaged. Eye-witness set up and take down are easy and quick with just one shock-cord, one guy-wire and two bags to fill with sand to stabilize  A local lady told Janet two university students invented them and they sell for a whopping $249.

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For those of you who don’t know, in March, we adopted another hound dog. Then named Jolie and extremely shy and skittish, she is now named Cokie and is now only very shy and skittish! Most likely she was a hunting dog and somewhere somehow suffered a broken back left leg, probably getting caught in a snare trap. When first found, it was too late to surgically repair her leg and they warned us she may need an amputation. However, it didn’t take us long to discover her insatiable appetite for hiking in the woods on trails. Her leg will always look differently but it does not slow her down. She has come a long way but it is often one step forward, two steps backwards. Now she hates loud and not-so-loud noises, sudden movements, vehicles (especially big trucks with loud engines), men, garbage cans, baby strollers, walking in our neighborhood, walking in towns......and, well, you get the picture.  

So, I say all of that to say that Cokie is with us on this trip. We have only managed to get her to the beach two evenings and haven’t tried more. 

However, just a mile and a half up the road, there is a town park with trails. So every morning, we drive and hike in Emerald Isle Woods Park. 

No lengthy trails there but we are usually by ourselves on the trail and she relaxes and enjoys it. If not for the challenge of how many people and vehicles would pass us, we could walk to it as there is a wonderful, paved 11-mile “bicycle path” that runs from The Point to the town border with Indian Beach. Anytime of the day, there are cyclists on it and in the mornings, joggers and walkers, too. It is a great asset for a beach town so if you come here with kids, bring bikes!

Weather-wise, we got very lucky that Emerald Isle was never under an evacuation order due to Isaias vacillating between a Tropical Storm and a Level One Hurricane. A lot of places both north and south of us did issue evacuation orders. We undertook all the pre-storm advisements, securing the trash cans, bringing in balcony furniture, locking the outdoor shower, closing all window shades, making ice and pulling my truck underneath the house. We had leftovers for dinner and a 1500-piece jigsaw and then we waited.

The worst part for us was supposed to be between 4 and 5am; no doubt, it was going to be a long night. And it was. And I really don’t want to do it again. Even though we later learned when Isaias hit the North Carolina coast 100 miles south of us it was upgraded to a Level One hurricane, that was enough for me. I can not believe there are people who shelter in place and ignore evacuation orders for stronger storms. This house shook so much I was nauseous. I was only halfway joking when I said I needed my motion sickness meds! My mind raced with worst case scenarios and I thought I would have a heart attack laying in bed worrying. I couldn’t imagine falling asleep nor could I imagine staying awake all night. Mercifully, I did get about four hours of sleep. When we woke up Tuesday morning and stepped out on the upper deck, we were thrilled to see blue skies and sunshine. And the best thing, we had power!

To my knowledge, Emerald Isle escaped unscathed. On our hike in the Park with Cokie, there were some downed trees but throughout our neighborhood and between our house and the beach, lawns and driveways were only littered with small branches, leaves and pine needles. When we went down to the beach after the storm, for the first time since arriving, the ocean/swimming safety status had already been upgraded to the most normal level. So, besides being sleepy all day, we quickly put Isaias behind us.....or at least we thought so until we went to dinner.

Sunday night, we had picked up a Low Country Boil from a restaurant back on the mainland in a cute little town called Swansboro. 

Cokie was very opposed to walking around it then so we thought we would return one night without her. It never occurred to us that they wouldn’t have power so when we drove back over the causeway and then across the little bridge in to Swansboro proper, the scene before us was not that of a cute little town but a major Power company repair project in process! Needless to say, we had to backtrack and instead get take-out at Bogue House in Cedar Pointe.

On Wednesday, my younger brother, Michael, drove down from Bluefield to join us for the remainder of our stay. And as much as he wanted her to like him — and try as he might to get her to — this sent Cokie in to retreat mode. He talks very sweetly to her and has even petted her a few times but she still looks at him with such distrust. But having a positive experience with a man around is good for her and she finally ate a full bowl of food tonight albeit after Michael had gone to bed. (Small steps!)

I need to wrap this trip report up but I would be remiss to not tell you we did return again to Swansboro where we had an excellent meal at Boro Restaurant. We sat outside and were entertained by fuzzy ducklings weaving in and out of the appropriately distanced tables and by a couple singing country music.

Our other very enjoyable outing was to the charming town of Beaufort, NC.

We would have liked to have taken a tour boat out to see Cape Lookout and its lighthouse but due to COVID-19, the larger boats were not allowed to make that trip. (Next time!) Instead, we took a smaller boat (us 3 in the back of the boat, a  family of 3 adults & 3 children at the front of the boat) on a shorter trip on Taylor Creek. Even though we didn’t luck in to seeing any of the wild horses that live on the islands there, it was nice having those views of the waterfront homes and restaurants with a little commentary to go along. In Beaufort, we dined inside at the Beaufort Grocery.

It is Friday night and we have to be out of this house by 10am tomorrow. The week has flown by and we wish we could stay for another. Cokie, on the other hand, is ready to go home although really, I think as long as she is with us, and the house isn’t shaking, she is content. And for 2020, that just might be the best for which we can hope!