#its the main reason im such a boring person. disappointing or upsetting my mom has always been my number one fear | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crypt1dcorv1dae · 1 year

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people dont talk about being trans when you have a family member with memory/cognitive issues. my mom can barely differentiate between me (a grown adult) and her 4 year old granddaughter. she keeps forgetting that everyone but me has moved out. almost every night she gets worried that we have a baby here that isnt being watched properly. how the hell am i supposed to TRANSITION and go by my new name and present the way i really want to when half the time she ALREADY doesnt seem to recognize me???

im not.. trying to make it about me. trust me i spend MOST of my time worrying about her and making sure she's ok, but i cant deny that a big part of why i haven't made the move to stary medically transitioning is because i dont want to confuse or upset my mom... even at the expense of my own happiness

#personal #dont rb #i mean tbh ive already wasted most of my life so far worrying about her comfort at the expense of my happiness #its the main reason im such a boring person. disappointing or upsetting my mom has always been my number one fear #like ive been glued to her hip for almost my entire life. our relationship is definitely a little codependent. or a lot tbh.#and it sucks bc i do want to branch out and become more independent and enjoy my life while im young but... she's sick #and she needs me #and everyone else is so fucking busy and overwhelmed all the time...#and i cant bring myself to ask anyone to take care of her for me so i can go.. goof off. no matter how much i need it i just CAN'T #its one thing to ask for time off so i can rest and get some time to myself but to ask for time off just to goof off??? idk...

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