#ive always hated attention but then also kinda desire the validation you get from it

[paradisecitizens]

the birthday blues overshare

[vryarts]

time & distance

op under cut

ive kinda been thinking since my last post and while i did make some big claims about inactivity, i was posting while very emotional. i still stand by what i said about fandom, but im not sure that i want to completely abandon this blog.

being in fandom was this constant pressure to always be worth something to other people; i often felt as if i was only of use to others if i could give them something (whether that be sexually, creatively or emotionally.) i also felt often as if i never got anything back; id be giving 110% at all times and the longer it went on, the less was the percentage that id get back. my experience in the end amounted to a series of more and more desperate attempts to please others, often with little success. the longer it went on, the more destructive it became and i often ended up having embarrassing emotional breakdowns in public channels--many of which were ignored or followed simply with "noooo you are loved. what are you talking about." i don't blame any of these people, but it often ended with me feeling as if no one could be bothered to really listen.

add that with the increased insecurity, as i began to notice the increased cliquey-ness of the fandom, that unless if one specific popular blogger who was part of the current It Crowd paid attention to your content, no one would. none of this was true of course, but in my head at the time it felt it

even moving into different fandoms and trying different things, i came upon the same issues. i felt unwanted, unloved, unlistened to and, unhealthy as it was, distancing myself from my abusers had cut me off from a form of validation i had relied on for a long time.

all this background is to say that from now on, this blog is mine, and not anyone else's. i don't want to take requests, i don't want to check notes. i don't want to post things out of some corporate desire to post a 'hot topic' thing that will garner the most attention so i can get more followers or more attention. i hated always feeling pressured to only ever post digital because that was what people wanted, only ever post for certain fandoms or characters, never being able to share my own original art because i felt as if no one would care because i wasn't big enough.

i don't care what other people want from me and i don't care about anything other than having all the art im proud of in one place

[hircmi-blog]

╰ 𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗔 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗢𝗭𝗔𝗞𝗜, 𝗖𝗜𝗦 𝗙𝗘𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗘, 𝗦𝗛𝗘/𝗛𝗘𝗥. hiromi 'mimi' nakamura. twenty-two. heiress/tattoo artist. her family is using her tattoo shop to launder money for a local cartel. glitter smudged underneath your eyes, trading whispers in a dark room, and biting into an apple just to realize it's rotten.

backstory ! (drugs tw)

originally hailing from tokyo, japan, the nakamura’s are legacies. coming from a long line of business men on her father’s side, they were old money even before hiromi’s father and uncle started what would eventually become a multi-billion dollar energy company. 

nakamura industries grew and grew faster than anyone could have predicted. not wanting to miss an opportunity, the nakamura’s packed up and made the move to los angles california exactly a year before hiromi was born. 

turns out they weren’t as prepared for the move as they thought /: one bad investment and the loss of a substantial amount of money later, hiromi’s uncle is the one who made the decision to get help from some more than shady business partners

in return for saving nakamura industries, these new business partners only had one condition: the nakamura’s would have to find a way to help launder money for their cartel. the task had seemed easy enough but as the years passed they only got deeper and deeper into criminal activity. there was a lot of secrecy surrounding the nakamura name because of this, as well as a lot of whispers from other people questioning their success, but nobody could prove anything illegal was going on

she’s the middle child! she has three older siblings ( two brothers and a sister ) and one younger brother. there was a lot of pressure for her older siblings, especially the boys, to take over the family business one day so their upbringing was a lot tougher than hiromi’s and her younger brother’s was. because of that there was a bit of a strain in their relationships, and hiromi was really only close to her younger brother growing up. 

all the nakamura siblings led very elusive lives. since they were all aware to some degree of their family’s involvement with the cartel, they all learned to keep people at a distance and not to talk about family with anyone which kind of translated into making it hard for hiromi and her siblings to really make what felt like real friends ):

not to make her a cliche middle child but....she really was ignored ??? for the most part like her parents loved her and stuff but it was obvious where their priorities and where their attention went. when she was little it made her sad but the more she grew up she kinda just accepted it as the way things were and just used the fact that they weren’t breathing down her neck 24/7 to her advantage

which is why she got really good at finding that validation and attention she wasn’t getting from her parents elsewhere as she grew up (whoring around), and got even better at talking herself out of trouble. turns out she had a talent for words, for knowing when to drop her last name, and knowing when to shut up and bat her eyes. being reckless like this was her own secret rush. she knew it would be dangerous for herself and her family if she ever got into any real trouble, but the possibility of it was so addictive she really couldn’t stop. 

what started out as simply partying turned into a full blown addiction. she was out clubbing almost every night, close with just about every bouncer in beverly hills, always going wild but she made sure to keep her stunts within the four walls of the clubs she frequented. at home she was back to being careful, but when she was alone away from her family she could be whoever she wanted

becoming a tattoo artist had always been something hiromi had wanted to do, so when her parents said for her 20th birthday they’d buy her her own shop, she didn’t turn their offer down. turns out their intentions had little to do with making her dreams come true and everything to do with the fact that they needed another business where they could launder money through. her tattoo shop would become one of many businesses the nakamura’s owned or co owned (some others being a hotel, a strip club, a restaurant and even a hair salon) purely to keep their promise to the cartel 

not wanting the fact that she had her own shop to be completely spoiled, hiromi agreed to let her parents launder money so long as she herself didn’t have to be directly involved. they agreed and she went on pretending like nothing was going own although the thought is always at the back of her head

she managed to build up a good rep for herself though thanks to social media!! being in beverley hills her clientele naturally ended up being a good mix between everyday people, social media influencers, models, and even a couple of actual known celebrities o: now that she has her own actual business she’s tried to keep her wild side in check, but temptation is everywhere!

personality + tidbits !

she goes by mimi, never hiromi. sometimes people call her hiro or romi, but mimi is definitely the most popular of all her nicknames and what she uses for all her social media. 

she’s kind of hard to get to know /: not in the sense that she’s purposely cold or rude, but she can come across as intimidating or detached a lot because it takes her a while to open up to people. even with those closest to her she still struggles, often keeping a lot of personal stuff to herself in a way that gets frustrating when people who care about her see her upset but refusing to open up about it. shes the type of person you can know for years only to realize you barely know anything about her

when she’s partying with you, though, that’s the easiest way to become her friend!!! another reason why she likes to abuse things like party drugs and alcohol as often as she does is because they make her feel a lot more open and receptive to making real connections

she has a bad habit of seeking validation from others, which mostly manifests as her being overly sexually promiscuous to the point where shes kinda dependent on being desired as a way of feeling good about herself </3

not a very good influence.....like....at all DWJDJWDJW will 100% be the person egging you on in situations where she should really be doing the opposite.

she’s just generally....ambiguous with her morals because of the way she grew up. being as impulsive as she is, she can come off as selfish sometimes just because stopping and considering the consequences of her actions isnt something she usually does

but she tries for those she’s closest to! she values her friendships a lot more than she probably lets on. vulnerability isn’t her strong suit at all but shes working on it /: 

shes also the worst at keeping plans or showing up to things on time like JSBJDWBJDW this bitch is always disappearing if you want her to show up to anything you better drive her there yourself 

she loooooves tattooing her pals she’s always trying to sweet talk people into getting more tats! if you know her though you know you better not be getting your tats elsewhere or shes gonna be big mad 

deadass the type to be like no i dont hold grudges (: but then subconsciously hold that resentment in and lash out even though she said she’s over something.....shes a scorpio JSBDWJBDJWBJDWBDJW 

she has a habit of buying friends ridiculously expensive things even the most mundane gifts (like a bottle of wine) always end up costing a ridiculous amount of money and its never on purpose she just gravitates towards the finer things in life and she doesnt even realize

this shit is so long ive been doing this for hours JSBJDWBDJWBDJW i hate intros bc my charas always change once i start writing and rping but thats fine now we all have a base <3333

sum connection ideas

sexy plots period. exes, fwb, ex fwb, enemies with benefits, whatever ! whore rights !

angsty plots period...ex friendships </3 enemies </3 everything i listed above ...

sad plots period! unrequited love mayahps ? idk man im just spitting words

some cute ones too though we love balance.....give me best friends 🥺 maybe someone who can be a good influence on her....some cute crush shit....sibling like friendships <3333

ppl she tattoos, a roomie?, ppl she goes clubbing with, maybe someone she used to go clubbing with but stopped bc one night they were out something bad happened o:, idk what else i really tried JSDBWBDJWBDJWBDJWBDJW