#ive been thinking of making an ask blog for a couple of my space au guys but honestly it's not a good idea since im supposed to take a break

[daedalusdavinci]

Eridave Fic Recs

im 99% sure ive already offered my fic recs for eridave but im going to do it again. i havent gone through the tag in a couple of years and it seems like its gotten more popular than it was back in the day, but heres my list of top fics

Lee Shore

by JumpingJackFlash (@jumpingjacktrash on tumblr i think?)

"I asked Egbert to ask you if you have Ampora's new contact information." "No, man, I didn't even know the old info was old. How can you not have a contact for him? It's not like he changed his chumhandle, email, and phone number all at once." "As a matter of fact, that is apparently exactly what he did. And deleted his Facebook and his photo blog." "Dramariffic." In the years after the game, the twelve trolls and eight humans have tried to stick together, because no one else would understand. When Eridan misses one of their yearly reunions, Dave makes an impulsive decision to go find him.

starting off so strong with THE eridave fic. i have reread this one very recently actually so i can tell you w complete confidence that this is the best one. this is THE one. if you only ever read one eridave fic make it this one. and then come back and read mine no but like im being so real rn its so good. eridans pretentious and a dickwipe and juuust whiny enough and daves complete no bullshit attitude with him works so well. their dynamic is peak in this, like. its everything.

Prince Unicorn (If There's Anything More Important Than My Ego Around, I Want It Caught And Shot Now)

by spritezee

After years spent mastering his job-hopping skills on the interplanetary level, a combination of chance and fortunate family ties lands one Dave Strider a job as a personal bodyguard to Eridan Ampora, prince and heir to an almost unparalleled fiscal empire. He assumes it’ll be just another job he’ll be able to leave behind when the time comes, another story to tell on slow nights where the man with the most tales is the king of the universe, but as all things in life, nothing is ever quite that simple.

spritezee writes some of the best eridave fics out there. this one in particular is my favorite. its not only a space au but its really a love letter to the scifi genre and you can tell just reading through it that a lot of care went into the worldbuilding. dave and bros relationship is a total mess in a way thats honestly really interesting, and zee always writes a great dynamic for eridan and dave. plus, you HAVE to admit thats a great fucking title

Little Brother

by spritezee

When John asked you if you were feeling any better yet earlier you told him you were fucking lonely as balls and considering changing your occupation to prostitute so you could find your own personal Edward Lewis to pay you loads of money for standing around and looking pretty. Then you told him you’d always wanted to have sex on a piano, so it’d all work out fine. The reference went straight over his head, which in hindsight should not have surprised you in the least because Pretty Woman isn’t really John’s usual genre, and even if it had been it’s not anywhere near obscure and shitty enough to catch his eye. When Rose asked you the same thing a few minutes later you told her you discovered the small store at the far side of your street carries penis-shaped candles and that you now swore by watching them slowly burn down right to the waxen ballsack as a therapeutic relaxation technique.

again, always a great eridan and dave dynamic w this author. if it wasnt really clear by the summary, this fic in particular is fucking hilarious and dave and his wandering metaphors are a lot of fun in it.

other than that, tho, all of my recommendations are just going to be more of spritezees fics, so i REALLY recommend that you just save me the time and go check out their stuff yourself. if i ever delve back into the eridave tag ill make sure to let yall know if i find any bangers

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[mearcatsreturns]

We Part Only to Meet Again, ch. 9

A problem springs up with Luka’s work visa and he is on the verge of having to leave the country. Abby can’t stand the thought of him leaving and offers a solution: a green card marriage. It might kill them both, but they're committed. 

Luka and Abby continue to enjoy each other, sometimes in ill-advised places at ill-advised times. The ER receives a letter and they mourn as a group.

And @somekindofflowergirl and I are back with the 9th chapter of our marriage of convenience AU! Sorry about the delays--between starting a new job and then having my blog deleted, writing only happened sporadically. But we’re glad to be back.

It’s also on ao3, if that’s more your speed. 

Ch. 9: A Letter and Consolation

Luka couldn’t help but smile as he made his way into the ER. He and Abby had slightly staggered shifts today, so she was already there, and he couldn’t wait to see her.

It had been about a month since they’d found their way back together. To bed, that is. Well, beds, couches, counters, and on one memorable occasion, an office printer at work. He was almost used to the eye-rolling from their coworkers at this point.

He and Abby had even met their neighbors, who were less than enthusiastic about how loud living next to them had gotten. That had been a little embarrassing, but he’d since had someone come by and improve the insulation, which had helped (so had the apology cookies he’d given them).

It should have gotten easier to bear, the heat between them, but it was as if indulging it had just made their hunger for each other stronger. Not that Luka had any complaints—nor did Abby, it seemed—but it might have made it simpler to do things, like, oh, work.

“Morning, Jerry, Frank,” he greeted them after clocking in. Frank just made an annoyed sound, and even Jerry shook his head as Luka walked past.

And there was Abby coming out of trauma two. Even though she was a mess, she lit up when she saw him.

He grinned back at her, resisting the urge to kiss her passionately in the middle of the hall. “Are you done in there?”

“Yeah, it was an MVA, but we got the guy stabilized and Romano took him up to surgery.”

“Want to help me out with my next case? I think it’s just a simple fracture.”

“...do you need my help?” Her mouth was twitching as she tried to hide a laugh.

Helping her untie the used smock (if he took the opportunity to slightly and subtly grope her, so be it) and throwing it away, he shrugged. “Well, you never know. Maybe it’s more serious and I just won’t be able to see it.”

“See, to me it sounds like you’re just flirting and trying to seduce a poor, innocent nurse.”

“Maybe I am, but do you have anything else urgent?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go with you.”

It did indeed look like a simple, straightforward break. They took the patient up to radiology. Certainly, both of them didn’t need to go, but the way Abby gasped when he surreptitiously ran his hand under her scrub top as he passed by her might have played a role in convincing her to “help.”

Once the patient was in with the radiology tech, Abby said she was going to get a few things from the supply closet while they waited, giving him a long look. Luka quickly offered to help. The tech rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but waved them away. “Just be back in like half an hour for the patient, okay? I’ll send the films down.”

He didn’t care, just hurried after his wife, following her into the supply room.

She was facing the door when he came in, and she wasted no time in flinging herself into his arms.

Meeting her lips with a quiet groan, he reached down to lift her up into his arms. He walked them back up against the counter, her legs wrapped around his hips.

“You sure this is a good idea?” she asked when they pulled back for a breath.

He cupped her jaw and lifted her lips to his in an all-consuming kiss. “I am,” he said.

Abby didn’t waste time disagreeing, reaching for him and fumbling with his belt. He tugged at her scrub pants, pulling them off as quickly as he could and bringing her to the edge of the countertop.

She succeeded in getting him free, and he moaned into their kiss as she wrapped her hand around him, stroking him until he was fully hard.

Luka stepped between her legs and thrust into her without much preamble. He felt the familiar thrill of satisfaction at how Abby clutched at him, biting down on her lip to keep from crying out. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, wordlessly encouraging him to move.

He set a quick pace, knowing that as thrilling as the semi-public location was, every minute they continued they risked getting caught. He reached between them, trying to help Abby along. It didn’t take her much longer before she was gasping his name, pushing him over the edge after her.

With a sigh of regret, he pulled back from her after a minute or two, and they hurried to clean themselves up. When Abby reached for the door to head back out, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, giving her a lingering kiss.

He finally slipped out into the hallway when Abby yelped in surprise. Rushing out to see what had startled her, he started heading toward the elevator. Then he heard the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat, and Luka turned to face a very disapproving Susan, standing with her arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

He could feel his entire body turning red. “I was, ah, I was grabbing something from storage.”

“I don’t want to know what the ‘something’ of Abby’s was. Anyway, one of your patients needs you, and the films are ready for your radial fracture.”

“Okay...I’ll...I’ll just go see to that.”

Susan sighed. “First, I’d make sure your shirt is buttoned properly, okay?”

He looked down. Sure enough, his buttons were askew.

“Just...no more...boffing at work, please.”

Luka nodded and fled as quickly as he could.

&&&

Abby was tending to a patient in sutures when she felt Luka slide behind her, his hand slipping down to give her hip a squeeze. She gave him what she hoped was a quelling look, but probably wasn’t. She couldn’t get enough of his hands and his answering smolder said he knew it. He apparently hadn’t gotten her into enough trouble today already.

Ugh, he shouldn’t be so attractive when he was smug. But dammit, he WAS, and he had REASON to be.

Still, there were protocols they ought to be observing at work. Silly ones, such as, oh, don’t have sex in the ER, and also, probably, don’t flirt and fondle each other in front of patients.

Abby was only a woman. One with a very handsome husband who enjoyed enticing her into breaking the rules. Repeatedly.

Luka efficiently checked the wound and asked for the suture kit, which Abby had at the ready. Haleh poked her head in to let her know she needed to change the IV on her diabetic patient.

“You good here?” She checked with Luka.

“I’ll miss you, but I’ve got this.”

She rolled her eyes at him as she ignored his grin and aimed to be stern with her reply.

“Behave, Dr. Kovač.”

He stared back at her with his eyes practically twinkling. Was he seriously turned on right now? Their earlier rendezvous was only a couple hours ago.

Abby watched him in disbelief before shaking her head and turning to go. On the way out, she heard the patient.

“So I guess that stuff about nurses and doctors is true, huh?”

Luka laughed at the older man in response.

“Well, in this case anyway. She’s my wife.”

The pride in his voice nearly made her turn around to kiss him.

&&&

A few hours later, Abby was standing at admit, listening to Carter read Dr. Greene’s letter. He sounded remarkably upbeat, considering. That was the power of getting away from County and sitting on a beach, she guessed. Or, more likely, he was doing it for their sakes, focusing on the positive. That sounded like something he would do.

Luka came over then, coffee mug in hand.

“What’s going on?” He bent toward her ear.

“It’s from Dr. Greene.”

Damn, the man was on the beach in Hawaii and longing for a trauma. “The day I start fantasizing about critical procedures is the day I leave, too.”

What followed sounded like a goodbye to all of them, and Abby guessed it was. She shifted so she could lean back against Luka. He slid a comforting hand onto her shoulder.

Carter stopped reading and Luka urged him to continue. “Go on.”

There wasn’t much left, just an endnote about his daughters finding a shell. Feeling a need to lighten the mood, Abby joked with Haleh about macadamia nuts. After a moment, she felt Luka tense, so she jerked up her head to look at him and followed his gaze to Carter. Oh god. She knew what he was going to say.

“What?” Susan knew, too, Abby could hear it in her voice, how her question wasn’t really a question.

Carter could hardly get the words out. No matter how weird things had been between them, she ached for her friend.

“This next part’s from Dr. Corday… ‘Mark died this morning.’”

&&&

The rest of the day was rough.

As much as Abby respected Dr. Greene and appreciated how gentle he was with patients and his coworkers, she hadn’t expected to feel personal loss when he died. But she did. Luka did too, she could feel it in how he gripped her briefly after they heard, could see it in the dark look in his eyes.

It wasn’t their tragedy, though, not really. So Abby tucked away her own shock and hurt over it and tried to comfort the ones who had known him longer and better.

After Carter faltered in the trauma with the dad from an MVA, she gave him a long look and followed him to the vending machines. He was moving forward, trying to get through the day, but his eyes showed how wrecked he really was.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. No. I…”

Abby tried to find the words to help him. They’d kept their distance when possible, ever since he’d found out about her marriage to Luka. Not out of guilt, but that day had made it clear that Carter had still had feelings for her. She could at least give him the space to get over it. Plus, he had really pissed her off.

None of that mattered at the moment.

“If you want to talk…”

“I can’t…not right now.” He closed his eyes. “Not...not because of you...I just need to put my head down to get through the rest of today.”

“Okay, you know where to find me.”

He nodded and started back toward admit.

Abby turned to see Luka coming toward her as she grabbed her soda.

“Is he okay?”

She looked up at him and gave a weak attempt at a smile.

“I don’t think anybody is today.”

“Yeah.”

He looked like he was going to say more, as he worked his jaw, but he thought better of it and put his arms around her instead. She buried her face in his chest and breathed deep, focusing on the smell of him and the warmth, his heartbeat thumping beneath her ear. A small shudder went through him before he relaxed, sighed and kissed her head, running his hand down her back.

“Susan wants to go out for drinks after work. What do you think?”

Luka pulled back to eye her carefully. “Will that be okay for you?”

Abby wanted to scoff and say of course, but made herself stop and consider.

“I think so. As long as you come too. I know you have to stay a little later, but I’ll be alright for a little while. I think...I think she really needs someone to be there tonight.”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear before answering.

“Okay, if you’re sure, I’d like to go. And we can leave whenever you need to, even if it’s as soon as I get there.”

The trust in his eyes loosened something inside her.

“Thanks, Luka. I don’t really want to go home by myself tonight either.”

Luka gave her another gentle squeeze before taking her by the hand and walking back toward admit. Carter was there, in front of the board, and she caught him looking at them. He looked away, his expression inscrutable.

“Let me know before you leave?”

“Yeah.”

She looked back to her husband and swiped her thumb across the back of his hand before letting go. Before she left, she would make a quick trip to OB to let Janet know her plans for the evening.

&&&

Abby and Susan had a quiet L ride and stroll to the Lava Lounge. It was an, um, interesting location for a wake. The tiki bar atmosphere made Abby feel even more depressed.

She wanted Luka. Taking a deep breath, she refocused on Susan. The others were supposed to trickle in soon, but it was just the two of them for the moment.

“I feel like asking how you’re doing is really stupid, so I’m just going to say you can talk to me instead. If you want to.”

Susan nodded and sipped at her enormous tropical drink.

“God, this sucks.”

“Yeah,” Abby agreed, swirling the straw of her club soda with lime.

She thought back to the sexual harassment seminar, and Carter’s insistence on Susan and Dr. Greene having feelings for each other. Susan had seemed genuine in her denial, and Abby hoped for her sake that she was. They must have been on the same wavelength because Susan started talking about it.

“Mark and I. We, uh, we never went out. That was true. But we did have feelings for each other, before. Neither of us said anything until I was leaving. I always kind of thought of him as the one that got away.”

“Wow, that...that sucks.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not still there. I fell in love with Dix, he fell in love with Elizabeth, and we both moved on. I just figured some things happen for a reason. But part of me can’t help but wonder what might have been different if we hadn’t. Or if nothing would have, and I’d be the widow trying to raise a baby and stepdaughter by myself.” Susan shuddered and took a big gulp.

Abby hadn’t been able to think of Corday all day without pain. She couldn’t help but imagine how hard this must be, especially with their separation. For a split second, she imagined losing Luka like that. She could barely breathe at the thought. How much worse the reality of it would be.

Luka. God. He’d gone through that, and so much worse. At least Corday still had Ella, still had her to love and care for. Damn, she needed to hold her husband.

Looking to her new friend, she tried to picture things from her perspective. If she and Luka hadn’t reconciled, and then he’d died...he would never have known she did care for him, she’d never have known he cared for her. What would she have needed to hear?

“I don’t know that I really believe in meant to be. But I do know that Dr. Greene and Corday loved each other. I know you were a good friend to him, and I am sure that meant a lot.”

“Yeah,” Susan answered hoarsely, wiping her eyes.

“I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. You’re a good friend, you’re great with kids, you’re a great doctor, you’re pretty—you will find someone. It just wasn’t him.”

“Part of me feels...relieved that it wasn’t. You know? It hurts like hell just to lose my friend.”

“Yeah,” Abby whispered back.

Her own eyes watered as she watched Susan try to get herself back under control. It took a couple minutes of wiping her eyes with a napkin, taking deep breaths, and a gulp of her drink before she turned to Abby with a weak smile.

“Okay, enough of that for now. So, really, you don’t believe in fate or meant to be? Despite your newlywed, clearly cannot keep your hands or anything else to yourself phase?”

Abby flushed bright red. Had it really only been that morning that Susan had caught her and Luka trying to sneak out of radiology, obviously post-coital? It felt like a week ago.

“Uh...yeah...sorry about...that.”

Susan laughed a little. “I wish I could say you were the first, but at least I didn’t actually catch you in the act. Just make sure you’re always far away from the emergency call button. That’s how we caught Mark and Jennifer.”

Wow. Alright then. “Did that really happen?”

“Yep, we rushed in with the defibrillator and everything.” Susan laughed at the memory.

“That would be…” Abby couldn’t imagine living that down. They had to knock it off, or it was bound to happen. If it had been someone else who caught them, like Dr. Weaver, they probably wouldn’t still have jobs.

“Hey, I get it. I just can’t believe I never saw how much chemistry you two have before. It’s hard enough to work near you two sometimes, I’m sure it’s hard to hold back.”

Ha. If she only knew how many times Abby had held back.

“Yeah, it’s just...I think it would be easier if I did believe in fate. Because I still feel scared sometimes at how close we came to losing that.”

The vulnerability was uncomfortable, even though Susan had been just as open. She joked, trying to get back to safer ground.

“Plus, Luka’s really hot, so…I don’t know, can you blame me?”

Susan giggled at that and then burst into laughter as Abby joined her. It hadn’t been that funny, and the laughter was a bit hysterical, but it was a relief to release some of that tension.

“What’s this about?” In the commotion, Abby had missed Luka, Gallant and Haleh’s approach. She sighed and placed her hand on top of the one he laid on her shoulder, and she immediately felt grounded.

“Your sexual prowess,” Susan responded then cackled. Abby giggled at Luka’s horrified look and shook her head at him in answer.

The others sat down and Susan pulled herself together. Gallant went to grab drinks and Abby looked at Luka in question as he asked for a Coke. He merely winked in response and turned back to the conversation.

He didn’t have to do that, and she’d remind him later, but it was nice that he cared that much.

They all talked. Kerry and Sandy showed up, too. The others shared some memories, and they did some toasting. It was nice, but the melancholy started hitting Abby hard. She wasn’t exactly craving a drink, but she was becoming more and more aware of how easy it would be. With the day, the reminder that anything terrible could happen at anytime, to anyone, it would be so easy to slip. But Abby just wanted to go home and have Luka hold her. She settled for laying her head on his shoulder.

“You alright?”

Her half-hearted smile didn’t fool him. He turned to the others.

“I guess we’ll see you all at work. We’re going to head home. Been a long day.”

They said their goodbyes and Abby stopped to share a sad smile with Susan. “If you need anything…”

“Thanks, Abby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Luka wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into him even as they walked toward the door side-by-side.

“Do you need to stop anywhere or call Janet or anything?”

She looked up at his earnest, eager-to-help face. There wasn’t a single trace of judgment there, and she wanted to kiss him for it.

“I just need you.”

Luka startled and looked down at her with a cocked eyebrow.

“Not like that, perv.” She smacked his arm, laughing. “I want to go home and crawl into bed and be held. Can we do that?”

He hummed in response and kissed her head.

“Absolutely.”

&&&

They nearly ran into Carter in the alley. He was heading in to the Lava Lounge, hands tucked into his pockets, lost in thought.

Luka narrowly avoided a collision, reaching out to grasp Carter’s shoulder. “Sorry.”

“Oh...no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He glanced over and saw Abby smile sadly at Carter. “It’s okay.”

The three of them stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Finally, Carter cleared his throat and broke the silence. “So...you two headed out?”

Abby nodded. “Yeah, it’s—well, it’s been a long day, and people are starting to drink, so we’re out, but pretty much everyone else is still inside, and they’d love to see you.”

“Haleh and Kerry both asked after you,” Luka said, squeezing Abby’s arm. God, he loved her. Loved how supportive she was, even when she was hurting too.

“Okay, thanks. Well, you two have a good evening.”

They told him good night and were continuing on their way when Carter called out, “Luka, wait.”

He looked over at Abby quizzically, and she shrugged in response. He patted her on the shoulder and turned back to face Carter.

Carter took a deep breath. “I—I know it’s belated and I should have said it sooner, but...congratulations. You two seem happy together.”

Huh. There was nothing like a reminder of the fleeting nature of life to bring things into perspective, Luka supposed. He stuck out his hand to Carter, who shook it with a brief smile. “Thanks. And...take care of yourself, yeah?”

“Will do. Thanks again.”

Carter made his way inside, and Luka hurried to catch up with Abby.

“What was that about?”

“He just...well, he said congratulations to us. I think it’s been a hard time for him.”

“A little late,” she said with a snort.

“Better late than never, eh?”

She beamed up at him and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Yeah, that’s true.”

[randomlittleimp]

Convergence pt2

Fandom: Star Trek

Ship: McKirk

Rating: Mature

Warnings: childhood trauma, deadly accidents, bullying, homophobia, genocide, starvation, homosexuality, divorce

Tagging: @auduna-druitt @pinkamour1588 @captainsbabysitter-blog @thefanficfaerie

Description: AU where Leonard meets Jim as children and their lives converge at different years as they grow up.

Part 1

It was years before the two saw each other again. After the accident Leonard couldn’t stand to be near the starships so they went back to Georgia. It wasn’t until he was in middle school that they asked his father to return for another consulting job. They set them up in the same rental house as before, and he was in the same room. Even years later the room looked the same with the floral wallpaper. The window seat seemed a lot smaller then it had when he was little, but the view was still nice.

When he got to school and once again knew no one, this time he wasn’t as worried about it. He had already found that he was smarter than most of his classmates in Georgia and that a good portion of them resented him for that fact. He didn’t see Iowa as being any different. He wasn’t going to worry about making friends. He just wanted to get through this trip without too much incident.  So when he was confronted with a pair of the most startling blue eyes in the world as he ate his lunch the feelings that they brought up were unexpected.

The memories flooded his mind, “Jimmy?”

The blue eyes widened a bit, then squinted in thought. “Bones?”  Leonard handed over his apple as an answer and Jimmy’s smile was almost as brilliant as his eyes. “Dude, it’s great to see you. How long are you back for?”

“A couple of years probably. They have my dad consulting on the new batch of flying death machines.” Leonard grumbled before going back to his sandwich.

Jimmy flopped down next to him on the bench, “You used to like those flying death machines.”

“That was before I learned how many ways they can kill you. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds.”  He was about to go on but a laugh from Jimmy stopped him.

“Man, I have missed you! And not just because of the apples.” Jimmy took a big bite out of the apple in his hand. “I hope you’re wrong though, about the death machines, because I’m gonna be on one this summer.”

Leonard stopped eating to look at Jimmy in shock, “What? Your going out there, into space?”

“Yup, this summer I’m gonna go visit my uncle and his family on some new colony planet, Tarsus four. It’s gonna be awesome!” Jimmy was so happy, Leonard couldn’t bring himself to dampen his enthusiasm with more statistics.

The year went by fairly quickly, the two boys becoming nearly inseparable. Leonard was happy to have a friend, it made the time in Iowa bearable.  He even began to bring an extra apple and sandwich with him in his lunch for Jimmy who still never brought enough food to school with him. Jimmy was still quite popular with the girls, although he was old enough now to have some understanding as to why. Jimmy was a charmer, and those bright blue eyes of his could make the most stoic of girls blush when he turned the full force of their gaze on them. It still made Leonard a little jealous when Jimmy would be surrounded by girls and barely notice Leonard was still there. He just figured it was still because he wanted his friend to himself. Jimmy was his only real friend here.

Jimmy’s mysterious bruises were still a problem as well, but he no longer bothered to come up with reasons for them. Jimmy would just shrug and change the subject, but Leonard did notice Jimmy didn't spend much time at home. When he mentioned it to his dad, his father looked concerned. He knew that Leonard cared for his friend deeply, and said he would look into it. Unfortunately there seemed to be a lot of people aware of the situation, but no one who wanted to do anything about it. (Leonard would not learn of this for many years, and when he did it would make him physically ill.)

The summer came to quickly for Leonard’s liking, and soon he was saying goodbye to his friend, waving as Jimmy boarded the shuttle that would take him to the transport ship to Tarsus IV.  It was only meant to be for about six months, but Leonard knew it was going to be the most boring six months of his life with no one left to hang out with, and not even school to occupy him for the first half of the time.

Leonard did send communications to Jimmy, but it took weeks to get a message there and weeks to get one back. The wait was agonizing. It was in the third month that Leonard got the message from Jimmy that they were having problems with the crops, and people were worried that there wouldn’t be enough to eat. Jimmy tried to keep an upbeat tone to it but Leonard was worried all the same. He told his dad about the letter, but the elder McCoy assured his son that the local governing body there would have a plan, and thing might be a little rough but it would ultimately be fine.

The next week news broke about the total crop failure, and about the governing bodies plan to conserve food by carrying out mass killings of the settlers. Only those chosen few in charge were safe from the kill squads. Men, women and children were being massacred in the town square. Leonard started hyperventilating as the news played out in front of him. His father tried to comfort him, but was in almost as much shock at this turn in events as Leonard was. What he could say was that Jimmy was resourceful, if anyone could find a way to survive this it was Jimmy, but his words had little conviction. How could anyone escape this kind of evil.

It was another month before Starfleet was able to retake the planet. Those in charge that didn’t flee were arrested, and the area was scoured for survivors. Leonard heard stories of small families that had hidden and survived the horrors that befell the other settlers, but they were few and none of the video feed sent back included a boy with bright blue eyes.  Leonard didn’t give up on that last sliver of hope he had that his friend would be found. Then one night the story broke of a group of small children found hiding in the woods and the boy who had helped them escape even when their families did not. The tale of how he would sneak out of the hiding place at night in search of food and water to keep them alive, all why dodging the patrol and searching soldiers. It was an incredible tale, but when this heroic young boys face was shown on screen Leonard cried with joy. Dirty and much to thin, Jimmy was barely recognizable, but those blue eyes couldn’t have belonged to anyone else.

When he was brought back to Iowa he was in the hospital for months recovering. His father had been doing volunteer work there in his free time from working his consulting job, and was able to keep an eye on Jimmy’s recovery, even if he wasn’t his primary doctor and he made sure to give Leonard updates about his friend everyday that he could. Eventually when they deemed Jimmy was stable enough for visitors Leonard’s dad brought him up to the hospital.

When Leonard entered the room Jimmy was all smiles, “Hey man! Did you miss me?” Leonard stifled the sob that nearly escaped and instead went for humor. He didn’t want to get all emotional on his friend.

“Were you gone? I hadn’t noticed.” he smirked as this got quite a laugh outta Jimmy.

They sat and talked for awhile about the good things they had experienced in their months apart, trying not to think of the rest. Soon the nurse came in with Jimmy’s lunch and told Leonard he could only stay a few more minutes, but he could come back the next day. The lunch tray was sparse, only a little broth, and crackers and jello. Jimmy didn’t look to thrilled by the options. “They say the lack of food up there left my immune systems all screwed up and I’ve got a long list of allergies now. I could have eaten more, but they were all so hungry. They seemed like they needed it more than me. I’ve been hungry before.” His voice got quieter as he kept speaking, the last bit barely a whisper.

It made Leonard’s chest ache, but he knew not to dwell on it, that was not what Jimmy needed. “Well, you’ll have to get me a copy of that list. I wouldn’t wanna pack anything you couldn’t eat in my lunch when you’re back in school.”

Jimmy gave him a small smile, “Sure man, you’ll be better at remembering that stuff than I will anyhow. It will be like having one of the medieval food tasters, keeping the king away from the poisoned food.”

“If you think for one minute I’m calling you Your Majesty or something you got another thing coming.” Leonard responded. “I’ll try to come back tomorrow if you want, maybe bring some cards so we can play rummy or something.”

“Yeah that’d be great, it’s so boring here. I hate hospitals.” Jimmy smiled and waved him off, and Leonard managed to get all the way to the elevator before breaking down in tears.

It was a while before Jimmy came back to school. Once he did he was fawned over by many of the other kids who either saw him as a hero or a survivor of a terrible disaster. Leonard tried his best to treat his friend no different than he had before, and it was exactly what Jimmy needed. They became even closer than before and Leonard truly hated the idea of going back to Georgia and leaving Jimmy behind. He wished he could take him back with him, but that just wasn’t an option. His only consolation was he could keep in touch with him this time, and his dad had said he would be called back to Iowa again in a few more years.