#kid fic

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

“Tim…what are you doing?”

Bruce complimented himself for not swearing, setting a bad example for two children at an age where they repeated everything their parents said, but hell, he was tempted.

He challenged everyone to remain calm when faced with their six-year-old son who had put his one-year-old brother in the dog cage and had put on one of his jackets.

Just…why?

“I'm the lion tamer,” the six-year-old declared, puffing out his chest. “And I'm training the lion cub.”

“The lion cub…Damian is not a lion cub.”

“He is fierce as one. And he bites.”

Yes, the younger one had a tendency to bite, especially him, Tim and Jason.

Miraculously, he was calm with Dick and Alfred. Barely a year, and he already had his preferences.

He ran a hand over his face, “You can't put your brother in a cage.”

“Why?”

“Because he is not an animal.”

“But are you really sure?”

READ MORE HERE

[multi-fandom-imagine]

─ ★ Lucifer Morningstar with a breeding kink.

A/n: I am doing it! Lucifer is up first! { cause I love him}

Lucifer did not think he'd get a second chance at love, a second chance at being happy. But here you were, in his arm watching something he really didn't care about. And of course coming with this territory of wanting to be a father again. It was an over whelming thought, something that he desperately wanted with you.

Shifting your body, you peered up at him as a small smile formed on your lips. "What's with the look?" You asked poking his cheek.

"I.." Lucifer wasn't even sure what to say, how to even bring this up. "Want you.......I want to breed...."

Grinning, it was cute seeing him stutter, not to mention his blushing cheeks. "You what? I can't hear you?"

Sinking his fang into his lower lip as he pined you to the bed. His tail running up your hip pushing your dress up. "I want to...I want to breed you." Clutching your wrists tightly he kept his gaze on you.

Humming softly, you let your fingers run through his blond hair. You couldn't help but feel a rush of desire at hearing what he said. "Well then, what are you waiting for?" Your lips brushed his neck as your fingers ran dow his soft wings. "I want you to breed me Lucifer, to fill me with your seed."

Lucifer's eyes widened at your bold words, a mix of surprise and desire flickering across his face. He half expected you to slap him to shove him off of you, but hearing you express that you wanted him so explicitly ignited something primal within him.

His breath hitched as your fingers trailed down his wings. His eyes darkening with desire as he lent in close to you his voice husky with desire, as he whispered, "My love, I want nothing more than to fill you with my seed, to make you mine in the most intimate way possible." His voice was filled with a mixture of love and possessiveness, his eyes locked with yours.

The primal instinct to mate and reproduce still burned within him. And in that moment, he yearned to give you everything you desired, to fulfill your deepest wishes, to fulfill his own.

With a sense of urgency, he pulled you closer, his lips crashing against yours in a passionate kiss. His hands gripped your waist, his touch possessive and desperate. The heat between you intensified as your bodies pressed against each other, the desire for one another consuming you both.

Lost in a haze of pleasure and need, Lucifer let his kisses trail down your neck as he worshipped every inch of your body. His touch was gentle yet commanding, his strength evident as he positioned himself above you. His own clothes gone, his wings now shielding your body.

His cock throbbed with arousal, ready to claim you as he pushed your dress up, ripping your panties aside then with a low growl, he entered you slowly, savoring the feeling of your warmth surrounding him. Your gasps of pleasure spurred him on, his thrusts becoming more intense and passionate.

Each movement was filled with a mix of love and possessiveness, as he whispered sweet nothings and promises of forever against your skin. The room filled with the sound of your moans and the rhythm of your bodies entwined.

As your pleasure built, Lucifer's possessiveness intensified. His hands gripped your hips firmly, his thrusts becoming more primal and urgent. The sensation of his cock filling you completely sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body, pushing you both closer to the edge.

And in the midst of your shared ecstasy, Lucifer's control shattered. He released a guttural roar, his climax washing over him as he spilled his seed deep within you. The intensity of the moment brought you to your own peak, your bodies trembling in unison as you found release together. Still buried deep within your pussy, the King of hell nuzzled his nose into your neck. "Thank you."

As you both basked in the afterglow, Lucifer held you close, his breath warm against your skin. In that moment, you knew that his love for you transcended any physical act, that his desire to fulfill your wishes and protect you knew no bounds.

You were his mate, his everything, and he would do anything to bring you happiness. And as you lay together, entwined in each other's arms, you knew that your love would endure, unbreakable and everlasting.

Taglist: LoonyToons , @smaranshakthi , @jellibean2018 , @lbcreations-blog ,

[densewentz]

Take Your Kid to Work Day (with Dream's decidedly more alarming version of an artist rendering their kid's drawing)

[bleedingoptimism]

It’s a little after eleven when Eddie finally manages to get Tarja to bed. It’s hard for her without her plushie. And really, Eddie is very thankful having a hyper-fixation with her toy seems to be the only ‘consequence’ of having divorced parents Tarja seems to have right now. He always worries if having two homes and constantly moving between them is good for her or not. Especially with Tommy being Tarja’s other dad, but against all odds, he’s good to her. So their kid is doing just fine. She’s happy. And if she’s happy, Eddie is happy.

He’s getting ready to open a beer and relax when there’s a knock on the door. He smiles, assuming is Steve bringing Toothless over and almost knocks his beer to the floor when he opens the door.

Steve looks… well he looks amazing, dressed to the nines. Must’ve been date night. But his eyes are red and puffy, his face covered in dark blotches, and his lips are swollen like he’s been biting them too much.

He’s hugging Toothless to his chest and he smiles at Eddie when he sees him, but he looks so sad it breaks his heart.

Eddie throws the beer behind him, sure it will land on the couch and cradles Steve’s face between his hands, “What did that asshole do?

Steve leans into his touch and shuts his eyes for a moment before sighing and stepping away from him, walking inside and sitting on the couch still holding Toothless like a lifeline. 

“Nothing, he was just-” Steve shakes his head and chuckles darkly, “He’s just so mean,” 

Eddie drops to his knees in front of him and dips his head to look Steve in the eye just like he did that day in the park.

“Break up with him,” he says.

“I can’t.”

“Tommy doesn't deserve you, Steve. You are worth so much more than what that asshole makes you feel. You deserve better. More. Everything,” Eddie pleads, placing his hands on Steve’s knees and squeezing, “If it’s because of Tarja, we’ll figure something out, ok? Lots of people keep in contact with their parent’s significant other after they break up” He rushes, the speech he didn't have quite prepared last week coming out of him in a single breath, “We are friends, right? So you can still visit and see her. Visit me. You don’t have to stop being a part of our lives.” 

Steve is staring at him right now like Eddie just gifted him the moon and he’s so beautiful it’s kind of hard for Eddie to keep eye contact, but he squeezes Steve’s knees again to ground himself and does. Steve needs to know he’s very serious about this. About him.

Eyes shining, Steve takes a deep breath and nods slowly, a tear falling down his cheek that Eddie follows with his eyes and watches until it hides under Steve’s v-neck shirt.

“Hey, even I didn’t put up with Tommy's shit for Tarja’s sake and I birthed her,” he jokes awkwardly, trying to make him laugh and feels like doing a little victory dance when Steve snorts cutely,

“Okay,” he hiccups.

“Yeah?” Eddie smiles back at him, relieved.

“Yeah,” Steve sighs, “Fuck Tommy.” And drops back on the couch, looking exhausted, “Can I stay here tonight?” he asks in a whisper, like he’s afraid Eddie will say no. As if.

“Yeah, of course,” Is what he answers, and has half a mind to invite him into his bed but knows it’s a terrible idea. So he lends Steve his favorite flannel pajamas and sets blankets and a pillow on the couch and they say their goodnights.

And if he does a little dance when he closes the door to his room, no one is there to see.

In the morning, Steve stays for breakfast. And attempts to kill Eddie by making his heart explode, cooking it himself from scratch with Tarja’s help, who is so happy she won’t stop running around the kitchen making Toothless fly and sing about ‘happy family breakfast time’.

It’s actually hard to tell if she’s happier to have her plushie back or that Steve is there. Eddie, on the other hand, knows exactly what he’s happiest about. Death by tenderness. Is that a thing? He amuses himself thinking about a couple csi’s with sunglasses saying it, 

“He died because he witnessed something too cute,”

“Ah yes, death by fondness. I’ve seen it before.”

After, Eddie walks him to the door and Steve smiles sweetly at him, and holds his hand, squeezing it once before letting go, “Well, see you. I guess,” he says bashfully and there’s a moment there, a second where time stops and Eddie thinks he should kiss him. Wants to kiss him, needs to kiss him.

But he doesn’t. Because Steve is still dating Tommy, and just because he said he was going to break up with him doesn’t mean he wants to start something new with Eddie.

Eddie himself called him his friend for the first time last night for christ sake. ‘Fucking chill’ he thinks to himself.

🧸

And then a week goes by without hearing a word from Steve. But Eddie doesn't hold it against him.

At first, he figures he needs time to think but then he starts to wonder if he really is going to break up with Tommy. Four days in, he gets paranoid about it. Maybe Steve got brainwashed into thinking Eddie is bad for him. Maybe Tommy told him Eddie was putting ideas in his head, that he shouldn’t talk to him anymore… With him telling Steve to break up with his boyfriend and all... 

He’s well aware of how manipulative Tommy can be and has seen the way he belittles Steve to keep him around, so he knows it’ll be hard for Steve to actually go through with it.

And he can’t exactly show up at Tommy’s and steal Steve away, no matter how appealing the idea might be. The only thing he can do is just think of Steve, wish him well, and send him strength to do what he needs to do. At the end of the day, it needs to be his decision. His choice.

As Tommy’s week with Tarja approaches he starts getting more and more anxious, wondering if it’ll be Steve or Tommy who picks her up.

When the day finally arrives, and the doorbell rings, Tarja runs to open the door and Eddie peeks his head through the hallway.

“Daddy!” Tarja screams.

“Hey, Tata! You ready?” Tommy says and Eddie steps into the hall to greet him too.

“Not yet!” Tarja chuckles and Tommy smiles at her,

“Okay, go get ready. I’ll wait here,”

Eddie walks to the door and leans on the doorframe, “Hey,”

“Hi. Long time no see,” Tommy says and then adds, “You look great,”

“You don’t,” Eddie answers, because it’s true. He looks like shit. Greasy hair, bags under his eyes, chapped lips, wrinkles on his clothes, “What happened?”

“Steve broke up with me.” 

Eddie’s eyes go wide and he smiles, he doesn’t even try to hide it, “He did?”

“Don’t smile, fucker,” Tommy says but there’s no heat behind it. He knows he deserves it.

“Sorry,” Eddie says, not sorry at all.

“Stop,” Tommy whines because Eddie’s smile is actually getting bigger,

“Sorry,” he repeats and then clears his throat, “Did he tell you why?”

“Because I’m a horrible person,” Tommy groans.

“Hey, the first step is to ad-”

“To admit it, yeah, yeah. I know” Tommy interrupts him, groaning again.

Eddie sighs, and punches Tommy’s shoulder lightly, “Look, Tommy, I’m just going to say this because, well… you are pathetic. You need to do better.” And then he points to his back, to where Tarja’s disappeared to get her stuff, “She’s going to grow up and realize you are an awful person and she’s not going to want you in her life. And I’m not going to dissuade her from it, because I already don’t want you to be in mine, you know that, right?”

Tommy looks at him seriously and then nods once, fast and hard. Like he gets it. Like he agrees and is determined to change. And Eddie hopes for Tarja’s sake he is. But knows, deep in his heart, that either way, she’s going to be fine.

“Also, just a heads up. I’m in love with Steve and I’m going to ask him out,” he adds in a rush when he hears Tarja running up behind him.

“You are shitting me,” Tommy whispers, shocked and clenching his teeth.

Eddie laughs, “Nope,” he says, closing his lips loudly around the P.

“Eddie,” Tommy warns him like he’s waiting for Eddie to say he's joking.

“What? I hear he’s single,” Eddie smirks.

“You motherfuc- Hey Tata!” Gathering Tarja in his arms, Tommy drops the subject but he glares at Eddie as he kisses Tarja’s cheek goodbye and murmurs ‘unbelievable’ as he’s leaving. Eddie closes the door and starts laughing at the look on Tommy’s face.

He needs to call Steve.

He tries a couple of times but he doesn’t pick up and he starts worrying Steve might not actually want to talk to him, and then there’s a knock on the door but Eddie, too preoccupied with his anxiety, opens without looking, thinking Tarja forgot something.

When he doesn't hear her, Eddie looks up from his ‘ignored calls’ screen to see nonother than Steve standing there, looking nervous and like a fucking dream with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. A fucking bouquet of flowers. For him. For Eddie. All different shades of red, because he knows is his favorite color.

Eddie just blinks at him a couple of times and Steve flushes even more and drops the hand holding up the flowers, scratches the back of his neck nervously, “This was stupid, the flowers were fucking stupid. They are stupid. I’m stupid, right?”

A laugh bubbles out of Eddie and he grabs him by the scruff of his shirt and pulls him inside. He closes the door once they are both in and slams Steve against it, crushing their lips together. Steve circles his arms around Eddie and holds him close, instantly returning the kiss with fervor. 

They kiss as if it were fate. They kiss until it's hard to breathe and Eddie pulls away only to kiss him again, and again, and again.

“Not stupid,” he murmurs between kisses and feels Steve’s smile against his lips.

Eventually, Eddie takes a step back and lets Steve into his home properly, “Hi,” he says cheesily.

“Hi,” Steve says back grinning, then he lifts up the bouquet again, which is now completely ruined by him still holding it strongly while they made out like crazy, and his smile drops,

“Shit,” he pouts cutely, god Eddie wants to eat him. He laughs and takes the flowers anyway, putting them in an empty glass bottle, because he doesn’t own a flower vase, because he’s a normal human being. ‘Who the fuck owns a flower vase?’

“Come here,” he says, holding out both hands for Steve to take and follow him.

Steve takes his hands but doesn't move, instead swings them from side to side, “Wait, let's talk,”

Fuck, yeah. They should. That’s a good idea. Fuck. Damn, Steven Whatever-The-Fuck-Is-His-Middle-Name Harrington and his sensible and very logical choice…

Eddie huffs exaggeratedly making Steve chuckle and redirects them to the couch, where they sit still holding hands, “Alas,” he says dramatically, “You are right, we should talk. I actually wanted to ask you out properly, not debauch you the second you walked through the door. Sorry about that” he lies, not sorry at all, again.

Steve blushes and smiles, drawing little circles with his thumbs on Eddie’s hands, “Yeah me too. I wanna do this right. Ask you out. Go on dates. I think we should take this slow,”

Eddie makes a face and groans at that. He doesn't want to take it slow. He wants Steve to move in right now or something. Steve rolls his eyes amused at his interruption and keeps going,

“I came here to ask you out the right way because I want you to know I’m committed. But we should think about how this will affect Tarja… and Tommy too. We should go out a few times, spend some time alone, and I want you to meet my friends and my parents and I want to meet your friends and your uncle too and just do this properly and-”

Eddie interrupts him with a kiss, he can’t take it anymore, he’s been dying to kiss Steve for months now and he’s so sweet and thoughtful it makes Eddie insane, makes him feel like he needs to ruin him, but in a nice way, like with devotion and love.

Steve lets go of his hands to wrap his arms around Eddie’s waist and hoists him until he’s straddling Steve. Eddie leans his elbows on Steve’s shoulders, and buries his hands in his hair, pulling and messing with it.

“Okay but have you considered having hard, hot, wet sex, and then maybe we do what you said?” He asks panting against Steve’s lips and actually feeling how that punches the air out of him.

He hugs Eddie closer to his chest and whines, “Yeah okay, we can do it your way,” and gets up, lifting Eddie with him as if he were weightless. Eddie squawks and laughs all the way to his room.

🧸

They spend the week together, talking, eating, drinking, laughing and fucking. Except it’s more than that because when Eddie is inside Steve, with his tongue, his fingers, or his strap, it feels like more. It feels like love. Like fate.

Steve, still determined to take things slow, doesn’t stay there all the time, going back to Robin’s where he moved back to after breaking up with Tommy. He actually brings her over one day and the three of them spend the afternoon together. Eddie decides they are going to be best friends immediately because Robin is hilarious and merciless. When Steve gets back the next day he kisses Eddie so good and hard his knees almost give out on him and tells him he has Robin’s seal of approval. Something he knows Tommy never got.

When the week passes Eddie says goodbye theatrically as if they were cross-star lovers in a bad soap opera and Steve chuckles and calls him ridiculous but kisses him so passionately that Eddie drags him right back inside and they say goodbye again a few hours later.

They had decided to wait until Eddie talked to Tarja about her feelings over Tommy’s and Steve’s breakup and whether she still wanted Steve around or not before having him over again.

But when Tarja gets back home she’s gloomy and silent. She hugs Eddie in greeting when she arrives and then spends the rest of the day lying face down on the floor and occasionally sighing loudly, obviously trying to make Eddie ask her what’s wrong.

And really, Eddie shouldn't find it as funny as he does, but he thinks about calling Wayne and telling him he gets it now when Wayne used to tell him he had too much personality.

Eventually, he lies on the floor next to her and asks. Tarja looks at him with big sad eyes and says, “I haven't seen Steve in a million years! And Daddy said he is not his boyfriend anymore! So I’ll never see him again and I miss him”

Eddie coos at her, “I’m sorry you miss him little dragon, but you can totally see him again! Would you like me to call him? Since he’s my friend too?” Already trying to strategize on how to tell her they are more than friends.

Tarja lights up and jumps off the floor and onto Eddie, punching the breath out of him, “Yes! Yes! Call Steve! Steve smiles more when he’s with you than he did with daddy anyway. Why don’t you boyfriend him instead?”

Well… that was easy.

He chuckles and shakes his head, “That’s a great idea sweety, go grab my phone,”

Tarja runs and grabs Eddie’s phone off the table and hands it to him, he doesn’t bother getting off the floor so she kneels beside him listening attentively as he dials Steve’s number. 

“Hi, handsome, you talked with Tarja already?” Steve greets him after it rings twice.

“Yeah about that, turns out Tarja talked to me, actually,” he chuckles, “Hi, by the way”

“Hi,” Steve repeats lovingly and laughs, “What do you mean?”

“She had this awesome idea!” he says winking at her and she covers her mouth with her tiny hands to hide her giggles, “That, since you are not with Tommy anymore, you should be my boyfriend instead,” he continues, voice going soft and chuckles when he hears Steve's breathless ‘oh’ on the other side of the line, “Come over?”

“Of course, gimme an hour? I'm with a client” Steve hums and Eddie whispers he’ll give him anything he asks for and hangs up.

An hour later Tarja is still lying on the floor, only now it’s with papers and crayons spread all around her when the doorbell rings. She looks up at Eddie excitedly and he nods at her, “Go on then”

Tarja runs to the door and opens it wide to reveal Steve standing there as beautiful as ever, giving Eddie a deja vu of the first time he saw him.

“Papa Steve!” Tarja yells and jumps up to hug him.

Steve gasps and falls to his knees with her in his arms and looks up at Eddie with shocked wet eyes.

‘So much for taking it slow,’ Eddie thinks with a smirk.

Fin.

☝️first part

☕🥐💕?

[kingsandsaints]

[lavenderstobins]

Eddie’s in danger.

He knows he’s in danger because there is a four year old beelining for him, trying very hard to appear like she’s not rapidly advancing towards him.

When Josie finally stops, she’s right in front of him.

He has no idea what might’ve spurred this. Best to play it safe. “Hey, kiddo.”

Josie blinks innocently at him. “You broked Steve’s mug.”

Shit. The mug. It had been an accident—he’d balanced it too precariously when he’d been doing the dishes and it had slipped. They have plenty of mugs so it shouldn’t have been an issue, except… it was Steve’s lucky mug.

Steve loves that mug. He always drinks out of it if he needs the good luck that day and swears that it never fails him. If he sees it has broken, he’d take it as a sign of, like, the worst luck ever, and that would be the end of that.

The break had been clean, at least. The pieces are currently hidden away in a shoebox until he has time to get the glue to fix it. It’ll be an easy enough fix, so Steve should be none-the-wiser.

Except.

“The luck mug,” Josie continues, presumably trying to raise an eyebrow but instead raising both of her eyebrows high up her forehead. It takes everything inside him not to snort at the sight.

“I’m fixing it,” he replies. Maybe this can be a lesson about white lies, or doing good, or something. There’s probably a lesson here, right? “Steve won’t know it ever broke.”

Josie blinks up at him again. “Be shame if he did.”

Eddie’s smile fades. “What?”

“Be shame if Steve knew you broked his mug,” she repeats, fixing him with a stare that’s oddly reminiscent of Erica.

Is he… is he being blackmailed by a child?

“Josie,” he starts, leaning forward so that they’re eye-to-eye and taking on a desperate tone. “You can’t tell Steve, okay? Nobody can know about the broken mug.”

She sighs heavily. It would be comical if not for the way his heartbeat has increased.

“I know,” she says, shaking her head. “But maybe I not know.”

“Don’t know,” he corrects, then squints. “What do you mean?”

“I know you broked his mug, Deedee.” Her tone is serious. “For Baby Sapphire, I not know. Baby Sapphire make it go—” She mimes an explosion with her hands, puffing out her cheeks. “Bye-bye.”

“Baby— What?”

Josie pulls out a crumpled catalogue page out of her pocket and holds it out. On it, in the corner, is a small, bug-eyed, blue plastic horse labelled Baby Sapphire. It’s the ugliest thing he’s ever seen. The nose isn’t even long enough for the horse to breathe. It’s like the pug of ponies.

Eddie looks up, meeting Josie’s pointed stare. It’s a battle he knows he’s already lost.

“Not a word,” he instructs, tucking the paper into his pocket. Josie brightens, beaming up at him, then skips away, merry as ever.

This is his life now. Blackmailed by a preschooler.

—

“Did you know Josie’s resorted to blackmail now?” Eddie says offhandedly. He’s sitting on the kitchen counter as Steve chops carrots, watching Josie play with her new toy from his view of the living room doorway.

“Earlier than I expected, honestly,” Steve says, not looking up. “What did she have on you?”

“Hmm? Oh, uh, not on me.” Eddie laughs, shaking his head. “I watched her extort Mike earlier.”

Steve glances at him, frowning. “Mike’s been out of Hawkins for two days.”

Fuck.

“I think Robin’s calling for me, actually.” Eddie slides off the counter, backing away as Steve’s eyebrows raise in amusement. “I’d love to continue this conversation, but, duty calls.”

“Robin’s out with Max!” Steve calls as Eddie makes a hasty retreat to the living room. “You’re fooling nobody, babe!”

Josie looks up as Eddie closes the door behind him, ugly horse in hand. Moments later, Steve opens the door again, one hand on his hip.

“What did you do?” He swivels from Eddie to Josie. “Josie, sweetie, what did Deedee do?”

Eddie stares at Josie, practically feeling the beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

Josie shrugs, still playing. “I no know.”

He’s filled with relief. Steve doesn’t look convinced.

“Are you sure?” he presses. “It’s important to tell the truth, Josie.”

She stops, then, squinting up at him. “Always?”

“Always,” Steve confirms.

“Like when you said Bel eated Mama’s food but it was you?”

Steve falters, mouth falling open. A huge grin spreads across Eddie’s face.

“You what?” Eddie asks delightedly. “Stevie, you didn’t blame our cat for eating Robin’s leftovers!”

“Okay, you know what?” Steve holds his hands up in surrender, taking a step back. “Keep your secrets. Let’s not ask questions anymore.”

Eddie’s already laughing, though. “Steve, Rob almost took Bel to the vet because she thought she’d eaten fried rice.”

“I know!”

“And you offered to drive her there!”

“I know!”

—

[now on ao3]

[ellecdc]

love, you HAVE to continue the moonwater x pregnant reader who are announcing the pregnancy with a very dramatic barty and over enthusiastic sirius

say less (this was supposed to be a short little blurb, how'd it end up being so long? [it's cuz they're dramatic])

poly!moonwater x pregnant!reader who tell their friends // 2nd trimester

The first sound you heard when you, Remus, and Regulus stepped through the floo at Potter manor was the sound of Harry squealing in delight.

“Again, Pa’foo! Again!” The toddler cheered as Sirius, who was laying on the floor on his back, took Harry’s hands in his and lifted his godson up into the air by his feet.

“Quick, Red! What are those muggle flying thingies called again!?” Sirius shouted through the apartment. 

You chuckled at the sight as Regulus tried passing you a sweater on account of “the many drafts in Potter manor” which you quickly refused. “I think you’re looking for aeroplane, Sirius.” 

Sirius leaned his head back further so he was looking at you upside down and offered you a flirty grin.

Before he was able to say anything too salacious, Harry squealed and launched himself at you.

“Auntie!”

“Hi Haz!” You cheered back, bending down to hold the child to your chest. “Having fun?”

Harry confirmed that he was as he moved to hug Remus and Regulus before tearing off to tell his parents that everyone was here.

Sirius accepted Remus’ hand up and they clapped each other on the back in what Regulus has dubbed a “bro hug” that he was “zero percent interested in ever receiving, thank you”.

“Nice of you all to finally show up. V’been here for hours already.” Sirius taunted.

“He’s a sodding liar.” You heard Lily say as the four of you made your way to the dining room where Harry was already sitting in his booster seat and shoving food into his mouth by means of one baby fork and one pudgy hand. “He’s been here for five minutes maybe.”

Sirius scoffed. “You’re no fun, Red. I didn’t even get to see the little twitch in Reggie’s jaw at the thought of having held everyone up.”

“Sod off.” Regulus hissed as he smacked his brother upside the head.

“Lily! Regulus just hit me!” He cried, rubbing the back of his head.

“Squealer.” Regulus muttered darkly and took a seat as Remus pulled out a chair for you in the place beside him.

You didn’t realise how quiet the room had gotten until after Remus had pushed your chair back in underneath you and took a seat to your opposite side. You looked up to notice all eyes were on you.

“What the hell is going on?” Lily asked bluntly.

“What do you mean?” You asked, though your voice sounded relatively high.

Sirius let out a disbelieving laugh. “That one?” He said as he pointed an accusatory finger towards his brother. “That one had etiquette lessons drilled into him from the moment he could walk. This one?” He continued, moving his finger to Remus. “Is the least gentlemanly man I’ve ever met.”

Remus let out a simultaneously hysterical and offended laugh as he looked cautiously towards you and Regulus. “I am too a gentleman!”

“You’ve never once pulled out my chair, Moony.” James accused with narrowed eyes.

“And why in the hells would he pull out your chair, Potter?” Regulus sneered.

“A gentleman would.” Lily argued.

“He would not!” Remus countered.

“Only an un-gentleman would say such a thing, Moons.”

“You’ve lost the plot, Sirius.”

“Are you pregnant?” Lily whispered, causing the table to fall silent again as everyone returned their attention to you.

You looked awkwardly between Remus and Regulus again; this isn’t exactly how you’d planned to tell them. You were hoping to have at least made it through your meal before you opened up the discussion, knowing there would be plenty of questions. 

You don’t know why you even bothered to make plans with this lot; getting just about anything done was guaranteed to be nothing short of chaos. 

“Oh, my gods. You are.” She breathed out in disbelief, a grin spreading across her face.

“Shut up.” James said as he slammed his hands down on the table, looking between you, Regulus, and Remus imploringly. “Shut up; no you’re not. Are you? Are you really?”

You let out an emotional laugh and nodded, looking down to your lap where you were nervously wringing your hands before one of Remus’ joined the mix.

“Oh my gods!” James shrilled as Lily let out an excited squeal.

“How far along are you? What are your cravings? Have you had terrible morning sickness? How far along are you?” Lily asked in rapidfire.

“Okay, okay. Salazar, take it easy.” Regulus admonished placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “We’re almost fourteen weeks now. The cravings change almost every week, but this week it’s been spicy foods.”

This earned you all an indignant scoff from James at having spicy cravings and not going to him for recipes.

“Which has been awful for the heart burn.” Remus noted lovingly causing you to flush impossibly further. 

“Morning sickness has been a bit of an issue.” Regulus continued.

“And is usually an issue well throughout the rest of the day and evening as well.” Remus added. 

“Fourteen weeks!?” Sirius finally screeched, looking at the three of you in faux admonishment. “You’ve known for fourteen weeks that I was going to be an uncle-”

“Again.” James corrected quietly.

“Again.” Sirius agreed without breaking his stare with his brother. “...that I was going to be an uncle again for fourteen weeks, and you didn’t bother to tell me!?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sirius.” Regulus scoffed dismissively. “We’ve only known for almost eight weeks.”

“Eight weeks!?” James and Sirius chorused.

“I needed to be shopping seven weeks ago.” Sirius squawked.

Remus titled his head at his friend. “Why only seven weeks?”

“I’d need at least a week recovering from the fact that you’ve defiled my brother.”

You and Remus scoffed at that. 

“Defiled him?” You begged incredulously at the same time as Remus muttered “I wouldn’t be surprised if this was his doing.”

James gasped dramatically at that. “Do you know who the other parent is?”

“James!” Lily and Remus chided at the same time.

“Now, Potter. Generally, when three people love each other very much, and they bring a child into the world, they’d all be parents.” Remus explained as if it had been Harry who asked the question.

“Sod off, that’s not what I meant. Is it going to be a Black? A little cub?” He carried on, sucking the air out of the room.

James always meant to say the nicest things, they just never came out quite right; and this time, he’d struck a bit of a nerve.

Fortunately, Sirius never allowed moments to stay awkward for long.

He groaned in disgust. “Never mind that; the child is damned either way. Do you know if it’s going to be a girl or a boy?”

You snorted at that as both Remus and Regulus harrumphed quietly and sat back in their chairs. 

“It’s a little early for that, Pads.” Lily explained.

“The boys are divided on what the sex of the baby is going to be so they’re not going to find out until the baby is born.” You explained, causing Sirius to grin mischievously. 

“They’re not going to find out, you say?”

“But you are?” James asked excitedly.

“Yeah, I’ll find out at the 16 week checkup.” 

“Don’t even think about it.” Remus warned Sirius and James who both squawked in protest.

“Absolutely not; if Remus and I aren’t finding out, neither are you two.” Regulus proclaimed. 

“Fine, but I want in on the bets; who’s betting on which sex?” James asked as he leaned his elbows onto the table - nearly right into his mashed potatoes.

“The sex of my baby is not a bet!” Regulus protested as Remus said “I think it’s a girl.”

Both Sirius and James hummed as they leaned back in their chairs and Lily scrutinised you. 

“I think it’s a girl, too.” She claimed.

“Yeah I’m with Moony.” Sirius said as he brought his glass of wine to his mouth.

“Moony!?” James hollered. “After it took us 700 years to convince him we’d be fine on full moons and we’d been right and he’d been wrong? Nope.” He said with a pop of the p. “I’m putting my money with Baby Black.”

“Never call me that again, Potter.” Regulus muttered.

“Who all knows?” Lily asked as the conversation relaxed and you all began eating.

“No one.” You admitted. “You guys were the first people we’ve told.”

Lily made a sweet cooing sound as James and Sirius (and then Harry) cheered.

“Wait wait wait!” Sirius interrupted. “Does Junior not know!?”

You and Regulus grimaced as Remus barked a laugh.

“That’s next on her list.” Regulus answered, evading any responsibility of his oldest friend onto you.

“My list?!”

“He’s your friend.” He argued.

“He was your friend, first.”

“Yeah but he’d literally push me in front of a stampede of Hippogriffs for you.”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Regulus; he’d push anyone in front of a stampede of Hippogriffs for fun.” You countered darkly, picking up the glass of wine that had been sitting in front of you before you realised what you were doing and Remus quickly plucked it from your hands and replaced it with a glass of water.

“Perhaps, but he wouldn’t push you in front of a stampede of hippogriffs, would he?” Regulus challenged, raising a perfectly arched black eyebrow at you.

He was so handsome it pissed you right off.

“You’re actually going to leave your pregnant girlfriend to the hyenas?” 

“I’m not leaving my girlfriend to the hyenas.” Regulus scoffed and turned back to his plate. “I’m only leaving her to one.”

Like the absolute sodding bastard that Regulus was, he really did leave you alone to the hyena. He claimed he had a meeting with the Wizengamot he couldn’t miss, but you claimed bullshit.

And the longer you and Barty travelled between the shops on Oxford street, the more you were beginning to lose your nerve.

He was your best friend; why were you afraid of him?

“The fuck are you looking at you stupid fucking tosser? I’ll rearrange your organs; keep walking!” He spat at someone he decided looked at the pair of you either too strangely or for too long, you’d never know.

Right….that was why.

Suddenly, Barty gasped dramatically and grabbed your arm rather roughly. “You know what we should do?”

“What?”

“We should get matching tattoos!” He said with a beaming smile. 

You patted his cheek in a way that if even his own boyfriend had tried it, he’d have been bitten, but you were just rewarded with him leaning into it. “Barty, how many matching tattoos do we have?”

“Thirteen. Why?” He answered readily. 

You laughed again, and took both of his hands in yours. “Actually, Barty. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“I knew it.”

“What?”

“You’re sick and tired of Reg and Lupin and you’re ready to run away with me. I’ve got passports and bags packed at the ready; we’ll start a new life in New Zealand.” He explained nearly all in the same breath.

“No! What? No, Barty I-”

“Oh my gods, you killed one of them, didn’t you? It was an accident; no, they deserved it, I’m certain of it. You need help hiding the body?”

“Barty!”

“Both of them, Treasure? That’s okay, I think there’s enough room in the Crouch family plot to hide them.”

“Barty! I’m pregnant.” You finally admitted, watching as Barty cut himself off mid sentence to stare at you blankly. 

You were sure it was about 26 seconds of Barty staring intensely into your eyes with his hands gripped tightly in yours before those eyes flit down to your stomach.

It was another approximately 34 seconds where his eyes flit between both of yours and your stomach before he had his arms around your waist and was carrying you off to gods knows where.

“Barty Crouch Junior! You put me down right now!” You demanded.

He pfft’d at you and hiked you up further under his arm. “Fat chance; last time I left you alone for any amount of time, you got yourself knocked up.”

“Bartemus!”

With an overly dramatic sigh, Barty placed you down onto a bench on the street and crouched down in front of you.

“You’ve been pregnant all day and you let me drag you all around kingdom come?” He implored, shaking your shoulders gently. “You have two men at home; do they know you are out on your feet like this?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Give me your cellular device.” He demanded, holding his hand out expectantly.

“Barty, seriously I-”

“The cellular device, witch!” He squawked with an impatient snap of his fingers.

You knew better at this point in your friendship than to argue with Barty when he got like this, and handed him your phone.

He looked at it for a few moments before hastily handing it back to you. “Make it ring Lupin, and Regulus too. I know you two convinced him to get one; he’s always text messaging Evan.”

You sighed and did as asked, organising a three-way call between you and the boys before Barty ripped it back out of your hands and held it to his ear.

“Yes, hello, am I speaking to one-half of the dumbest duo in all of the British Isles?” He spat into the phone.

“Yes, and hello Lupin, thanks for joining this call. There’s an emergency.”

You cringed at Barty’s very purposeful word choice when you heard the voices of both your boyfriends pick up in volume over the phone.

“Yes, well, you best hurry. We’re near the Disney Store on Oxford St.” Barty demanded before hanging up and looking at you excitedly. “We should go to the Disney Store!”

“What have you done?”

Barty didn’t have a chance to answer before you heard two snaps of apparition from an alleyway a few shops away from you and you saw your two boyfriends running over.

“Dove!” 

“What’s the matter!?” Regulus demanded, crouching next to your form immediately as Remus knelt directly in front of you.

“Well hello to you too, boys. Merlin you’re with rude blokes, Treasure.”

Regulus’ silver gaze darted menacingly to Barty. “You told us there was an emergency.”

“Are you okay, dove? What’s wrong?” Remus asked you quietly. You offered him a reassuring smile before Barty carried on in his theatrics. 

“There is an emergency, you knobhead. You’ve not only defiled this beautiful flower; you’ve allowed her to walk for kilometres with her condition!”

“Condition!?” You and Regulus squawked at the same time.

“Junior.” Remus admonished with a tired sigh. “She’s barely five months along and-”

“Five months!? You’ve been keeping this from me for five months!?” He beseeched as he turned his ire onto you.

“And,” Remus raised his voice. “It’s good for her to stay active; it keeps her and the baby strong and healthy.”

And didn’t that just shut Barty up.

“Hey. Yeah I’m alright thanks, how are you?” Regulus said into his phone, causing the three of you to all look over at him.

“Yeah, can you come pick your boyfriend up, please? Oxford Street near the Disney Store. Right. Okay, thanks. Bye.”

He pocketed his phone and looked at Barty with no lack of vexation.

“Now why would you call my boyfriend, Black?” Barty asked as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, causing you to scoff at the hypocrisy. 

“You feeling okay, dove?” Remus asked again, squeezing your elbow gently with and looking at you with eyes so full of love and concern you felt like you were going to implode.

“I’m okay; we’re okay.” You insisted, causing him to let out a relieved breath and press his forehead to your abdomen. 

“What have you done now, Junior?” Evan drawled as he casually walked towards the four of you with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

Barty stomped over to his boyfriend and plucked the smoke from his lips and vanished it disturbingly close to the muggles brushing past the two of them.

“We’re in one of those moods, are we?” Evan looked Barty up and down disapprovingly. 

“She’s pregnant.” Barty emphasised, throwing a dramatic arm out behind him to gesture at you causing a passing man to have to duck lest he be clotheslined. 

“Oh, bet? Congrats.” Evan said, nodding to the three of you.

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Barty said with a stomp of his foot.

Evan simply rolled his eyes before he picked his boyfriend up and threw him over his shoulder. “Right, let's get you home.”

“Treasure! You need anything, anything, and you ring me, yeah? Get Regulus to give you Evan’s number. EVAN, TAKE ME TO A MOBILE STORE!” 

Their forms disappeared behind a building a few moments before you heard a snap of apparition and you all let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re really okay, dovie?” Remus asked again, a protective hand cupping the nape of your neck and his other hand resting against your waist.

“Just fine, bubs.” You assured him, pressing a kiss to his nose. You were rewarded with Remus relaxing his shoulders and Regulus letting out another sigh of relief.

“Well, I think that went rather well.” You offered cheerfully.

That earned you an unimpressed glare from both boys.

[emybunart]

I was sad, so I started a super feel-good fic about Mizu finding a little girl in London who is also Japanese/European. The girl (Aiko) instantly becomes attached to Mizu as she's the only person she's seen "like her" in a long time. And so Mizu ends up accidentally adopting her.

[my-castles-crumbling]

emotional - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 129

It was so quick and easy.

They drove up to the school, James and Regulus walked Harry to the door, and the little boy walked inside, with hardly a wave goodbye.

As they returned to the car, James turned to his husband, replaying what had just happened in his head.

"He just...went inside," Regulus murmured, face turned away from James.

"It's good, right? I mean...he'll be fine," James whispered, wiping at the water streaming down his face.

Regulus turned to him and James was shocked to see tears in the other man's eyes as well.

"When the fuck did we get so emotional?" Regulus muttered, smirking slightly.

"Since we became parents, love," James replied, wiping the tears from Regulus's cheeks and pulling him in for a hug.

[sarahowritesostucky]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Tags: dark!Bucky, mafia/mob au, dubcon/noncon, a/b/o, threats and coercion, non-con, forced pregnancy, forced domestic "bliss", mating, breeding, hate to strong affection, yandere, kid fic

Summary: You thought you'd left behind the alpha who turned out to be more dangerous than you'd ever imagined. But one day he walks back into your life and reminds you that, come hell or high water, you're all going to be one happy. little. family.

Masterlist

Daddy's Home (Series teaser)

Episode 1: A Clever, Tricky Little Kitty Cat: Just like Her Mommy

Episode 2: Taking Back What's His

Episode 3: The Lap of Luxury

Episode 4: Motherhood Suits You

Episode 5: Should've Done this Years Ago

Epilogue: A Storybook Romance Once Again

Nickname Dictionary: vorishka = "little thief" mamochka = "mommy/little mother" kotenok= "kitty/kitten" omegya = (made up) Russian spelling of omega omegechka = (made up) "little omega" shlyukha = "slut" krasotka = "Pretty(n.)/pretty one" milashka = "cutie patootie" malen'kiy = "little one"  malyshka = "little girl" pchelka = "little bee"

@cjand10, @violetwinterwidow01, @ppbhquinn, @myfavbuckyfics, @liannafae, @sadsackssss, @timidquindim, @dakotali, @rayofdawnworld, @wintrsoldrluvr, @lindasweetie

[reallyhatethiswebsite]

girl dad Raphael ends my life

-

He's not unaware of the intense gaze on him. He's ignoring it until his little admirer decides what she wants to say. She's patient, he'll give her that, but in the end she's a child and he has lived for nearly two millenia. He will outlast her. He will -

"You are staring, daughter."

Or not. His blasted curiosity gets the better of him. He has folded his hand in this silent game. He has been bested by this beast of his own creation, and from the way she giggles, she knows it.

"Yes I am, father," she admits, brazen as a bull.

"Would you care to tell me why?"

The creature's mother, lounging on a chaise across the room, hides a smile behind the pages of the novel she's reading. Clearly she finds this amusing. Later, he swears, he will show her something he finds amusing.

"Well, I was just thinking..." says the child, resting her chin on her hands. It still shocks him how small they are. Even fully spread, her fingers don't cover the span of his own palms. Looking at her hands stirs his protective instincts, fatherly instincts he didn't believe he possessed until she came crashing into his life. "Your horns are really nice and pretty but I think they would look even nicer if I put some gems and ribbons on them."

His wife disguises her laughter as a cough. Wretch. He raises a brow at his daughter, otherwise keeping his face neutral as possible.

"My horns are pretty, you say?"

She nods emphatically, kicking her feet. "Yep! They're so big and spirally and spikey. I hope mine look like that when I grow up."

He bites his forked tongue to stem the flow of pride and happiness he experiences. Despite his verbose inclinations, his knowledge of a hundred languages both young and old, he can't describe what it's like to be given such free and unconditional love like that; true to his nature, he hoards it greedily, adding to the ever-growing list in the recesses of his rotten soul of the terrible things he would do to keep this child safe and happy. He is the apple of her eye, and he will raze the Hells themselves to stay that way. Of course, she doesn't need to know any of this, not yet, so instead he fixes her with a placid look and says:

"So, what do we do when we have a theory?"

"Test it!" She shrieks, delighted, and hops off her seat to run to her room and grab her things.

"No running in the house!" He barks after her. There shan't be a repeat of the great statue-collapsing-incident, thank you very much. Tav's expression when she looks at him warms the coals of desire in his belly. He leans back in his seat and preens. When his daughter returns, her arms full of jewellery and ribbons (of course he spoils her; no child of his will want for anything) he lets her - just this once, mind - sit on his desk, obediently lowering his head so she can decorate his crown of horns as she sees fit.

Her theory, in his opinion, is proven correct: he looks fantastic.

[multi-fandom-imagine]

A/n: Got asked for a part 2 of this fic, so here it is!

Warnings: Light fingering,P in v, pregnancy sex.

He couldn't keep his hand's off of you, how could he not? You were so beautiful.

Slinking up behind you, Lucifer let his teeth graze the nape of your neck as he let his fingers graze the small baby bump. "You should be in bed, sleeping."

Letting out a small scoff, you then wrinkled nose leaning back into his embrace. "This sucks, I'm horny."

Giving Lucifer a playful glare, your lips forming into a small pout.

Lucifer chuckled softly at your pout, finding it both adorable and arousing. His nose pressing into your neck inhaling your scent. You smelt so good, so sweet as he let his fingers glide up and your side as he placed another kiss to your neck. "I will be happy to take care of your desire's."

Twirling you, so that you were now facing him.Lucifer captured your lips in a heated and passionate kiss, his nails digging in your hips drawing you in close as his tongue danced with yours. His free hand slipping under your dress, feeling the warmth and wetness between your thighs.Lucifer let out a groan against your lips, his desire for you intensifying.

His fingers teasing your entrance, sliding in and out with a torturous slowness. He pulled away from the kiss, his voice strained. "Tell me, my Queen, what do you want me to do to you? How can I satisfy your cravings?" He then nibbled on your neck, his breath hot against your skin. "I want to hear you beg for it, my beloved. I want to hear you scream my name as I make you come undone."

A weak laugh escaped your lips as you rode his fingers. "You know what I want Lucifer, I want you to fuck me."

Lucifer felt a shudder rush down his spine, the sound's you were making were down right sinful.

You were perfect.

•

Wetting his lips, he couldn't help but smile at your words, his own desire surge at your explicit request. His fingers continued to pump in and out of you, the slick sounds of your arousal filling the air. "my little sun, your wish is my command," he whispered keeping you close. You could feel his arousal pressing into your inner thigh.

Then when a swift motion, he lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you to the shared room. Gently laying you down on the bed, his fingers pushing up the soft fabric of the dress you wore. His eyes devouring your naked form, you were so beautiful.

He couldn't look away.

Swallowing thickly, he quickly shed his clothes, his cock already throbbing with need. He then positioned myself between your legs, his hands gripping your hips firmly. "So beautiful, my love," he growled, his voice laced with hunger, then with one smooth thrust, Lucifer buried himself deep inside of you, filling you completely.

The sensation was electric, the feeling of your walls clenching around him, your moans of pleasure filling the room. He set a relentless pace, pounding into you with a primal intensity. The sound of the bed creaking beneath us. His wing's covering you both as his nose nuzzled your neck until he captured your lips in for a passionate kiss as he continued to thrust into you, your body moving in perfect harmony.

His hands roaming your curves, over your swollen breasts. His fingers gliding over one of your nipples as a soft cry escaped your lips. "You feel wonderful my Queen." He growled out, his voice mixed with pleasure and possessiveness.

Quickening his pace, the sounds of your lovemaking becoming more urgent. He could feel your walls tightening around his shaft, your orgasm approaching. "Cum for me my beloved, I want to feel everything."

As your climax washed over you, Lucifer let go himself as the pleasure consumed him. This was his heaven, his paradise, you were his everything.

Sinking his teeth into your neck, he continued to thrust riding out your orgasm. Your moans filling the room. Finally, spent and breathless, Lucifer collapsed beside you as he pulled you into his arms. "You are mine, thank you forgiving me a second chance

Sighing, you nuzzled into his chest feeling his fingers glide down your back. "Thank you for choosing me."

[densewentz]

The Duality of Dad

A silly little quickie thing because I'm going to the beach today and I'm obsessed with my boys

[bleedingoptimism]

Wildly, Eddie starts looking forward to Tommy’s weeks with Tarja but only because it means he gets to see Steve when he comes to pick her up and drop her off. Steve lingers in the door every time, makes small talk in a pleasant manner, and always drops a joke or a compliment before going, leaving Eddie with a sigh trapped in his lips and visions of beautiful smiles and red cheeks behind his eyelids.

They become something akin to friends, those little meetings over the threshold becoming longer and longer until Steve just starts coming over for a cup of coffee before leaving with Tarja.

The first time Steve calls Eddie on the phone he is frantic. Rushing and stammering to get the words out. Turns out Tarja had a fever, Steve was panicking and didn’t want to call Tommy because he was in a meeting. When Eddie gets to Tommy’s place, Steve frantically tells him he’d given Tarja a bath, gave her lots of water to drink, cold medicine, and put her to bed but wasn’t sure if he’d done okay or enough and Eddie feels like hugging him, finding his anxious panic incredibly endearing.

He assures Steve he did an excellent job and tells him to offer him some coffee, to distract him and get him to calm down a little.

They talk a lot that afternoon, Eddie asks him about his job, he’s an image consultant and a personal shopper, which Eddie finds fascinating and actually explains why Steve always looks ready to walk down the red carpet. He tells Steve as much and the blush he gets in return makes Eddie feel a little feral. God, he wants to fuck Steve into next week.

In turn, he tells Steve about his job as a writer, explains amusedly what writing for a table game manual entails, and feels like he’s being set on fire with the awed look on Steve’s face. He makes a comment about understanding where Tarja got all his talent and creativity from that makes Eddie’s heart skip a beat.

But he also hears a few things from Steve that worry him, things he’s heard Steve say before in passing. Little comments like ‘Tommy doesn't like if I dress this or that way’, ‘he’ll be impossible if we are late,’ or ‘I don’t interrupt him at work. I’ve learned that lesson,’ and today ‘Thanks, Tommy doesn’t get my job. He thinks it's stupid.’ 

He remembers what Tommy was like and when he met Steve he had hoped maybe he had changed into someone deserving of an angel like Steve... But that didn't seem to be the case. He worries about him because Steve deserves someone better, someone who’d appreciate everything he does, who he is, how much he cares, and not just how he looks, even if his looks are otherwordly. Steve should be worshipped and taken care of, he thinks. And it suddenly hits him, sitting there in his ex's kitchen with his ex's boyfriend, shit, he’s falling for him.

☝️first part

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☕🥐💕?

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

*After Talia left baby Damian to Bruce*

Dick: What's his name?

Bruce: Damian, according to Talia.

Tim: Is she going to be our new mom?

Bruce: *spits out coffee*