#james: '..and that dude is me. john silver fell in love with me'

[sapphicambitions]

Okay so I finished watching black sails a few days ago and I’ve spent the last few days reading other metas and posts and interviews about Flint & Silver to gather my thoughts (thots, if you will) and these are the conclusions I have come to:

John Silver and James Flint have the most interesting and well written dynamic ives ever seen between two characters. I am endlessly fascinated by their relationship. Because it’s so unique and complex and I can’t think of any other relationship between two men on screen that even gets close to being on their level, that level of intimacy and their DIALOGUE????? especially in season four????? there is no daylight between us???? i have made myself transparent to you????? you already know me in all the ways that’s relevant???? fuck me up dude!!!!!

All of that being said, I don’t like… ship them. At least not in the conventional way of shipping. I don’t see them as boyfriends or husbands or even as romantically involved. Like I said I LOVE their dynamic and I am fascinated with the complexities of it, and I really and truly think that they loved each other deeply, but to me the idea of them being like in an explicit, canon relationship sort of... cheapens it?

Especially if we’re talking about seasons 1-3 flint & silver. To me, saying that they were romantically involved during that time period sort of misses the point of their build up. Because they didn’t even really like each other then. They were necessary evils in each other’s stories. ESPECIALLY in seasons 1 & 2, they weren’t friends! They were work place acquaintances who needed each other to survive. And remember Silver’s whole season three arc of “I think flint controls the weather”???? Lmaooo the idea that they were romantically involved at that time, to me, almost does a disservice to their characters and the journey that they took to get to where they were in the fourth season.

Because I don’t think that they truly started to even be friends until that night around the fire. When Silver asked in who’s name they were fighting the war and Flint told the truth about his past. When Flint made himself transparent and vulnerable to Silver, and they openly discussed their partnership. When they came to a mutual understanding of each other, when they felt the possibility of the future together, that is when they really and truly emotionally connected and became more than work place acquaintances, became even more than just casual friends.

But I still don’t think that they were like, together together in season four.

Do I think there were extremely high levels of homoeroticism? also-fucking-lutely. But I don’t think they were romantically involved. For many reasons.

I think that the last two episodes of the series do not work if they did not love each other. The last two episodes are not effective if there is not something deeper there, if there isn’t something to lose when they fall apart. Like when Billy and Silver fall apart? I was like aww they were friends. :( and that’s it. When Silver and Flint fell apart? I sobbed my fucking eyes out. Would I have been as destroyed by Silver’s betrayal if I didn’t truly believe that these two men had a deep and profound relationship, that they needed each other and completed each other? Lmao no! No I wouldn’t have. If Flint didn’t love Silver, he wouldn’t have taught him sword fighting, he wouldn’t have shot Dooley, he wouldn’t have looked so deeply crushed when Silver raised the gun. Because the look on his face? When that happens? That is heartbreak, pure and simple.

BUT. I ALSO think that the last two episodes of the series do not work if that love is explicit and defined. I do not think it works if Silver is fully aware of that love. Because I don’t think he is. I think he has found himself closer and closer to Flint, committing himself to Flint, becoming the other half of Flint, and….. doesn’t quite realize how homoerotic it is lmao. Because he has Madi! And Silver has never really had someone to be close to before, so I honestly don’t believe that Silver was aware how how Homo(TM) the whole thing was with Flint, at least not consciously, at least not out loud. And I say this because there is a very important moment in the finale that doesn’t work if their relationship is defined and official or romantic in any way.

It’s when Flint says “This will all have been for nothing. We will have been for nothing. Defined by their histories. Distorted to fit into their narrative. Until all that is left of us are the monsters in the stories they tell their children,” That is his last card to play. That, to me, is the THESIS of the series, that moment is what they have been building up to for four seasons, that is Flint’s driving force as a person. And Silver says: “I don’t care,”

That moment is reliant on Silver not understanding the queer implications behind what Flint said. That moment is reliant on Silver being a man who has never experienced the life ruining homophobia that Flint has experienced. That moment is reliant on Silver genuinely not caring, it is reliant on the complete disconnect from Flint in that moment, and if the two of them had been in a defined relationship at the moment, I wouldn’t have bought it. And it is heartbreaking and tragic because Silver DOESN’T get it. He doesn’t! He does not know what it means to fear how the world will see you for who you fundamentally are, fear how mothers will tell their children about you, fear how your story will be told, and I do not buy that moment if Silver is aware of his own queerness. Maybe other characters in other stories, I might, but Silver, self serving and self saving Silver, to not care? He has to genuinely NOT care.

I’ve mentioned before in other posts that watching Silver and Flint’s story play out is a lot like watching Romeo and Juliet, that you know that their story will end in tragedy, but you watch it unfold anyway. But there’s another reason I think they parallel the star crossed lovers. And I think the moral of Romeo & Juliet (it’s my favorite play step up and fight me) is not that the young lovers were stupid and reckless, but the moral is that they might have lived if not for the outside forces trying to drive them apart. Romeo and Juliet is about how the toxic and warring world in which they lived wasn’t sustainable for their love, that they were driven to their deaths by parents who didn’t realize the harm they were inflicting upon their children.

I digress but the POINT being that it is outside forces that drove the two of them apart. (Get Wreked, Billy) The toxic and warring world in which they lived wasn’t sustainable for their partnership. You can see it best in 4x09 when the flashbacks of the two of them alone on the beach are funny and tender and vulnerable and open between the two of them, and present day where Silver’s trying to get Flint a little bit KILLED and you can see how much things have changed between them since that day on the beach.

How might have things changed in another direction if they hadn’t been driven apart? Because like I said earlier, Silver and Flint’s relationship was a JOURNEY, it didn’t happen overnight. And I can’t help but feel like they were only at the beginning of their relationship when they fell apart and that is another tragedy, the what if? of it all. How might their relationship have changed and gotten even deeper if they hadn’t been pushed apart? What hadn’t been explored between them, what was still left unsaid when Silver raised his gun at Flint? So that’s ANOTHER reason I don’t think they were like ~together~ because there is tragedy is losing something you don’t have, that you might have had. Losing something that you don’t know what it could have become and that breaks my heart because it feels like they had only JUST begun and then they were ending in the most heartbreaking and tragic way.

Also to be honest, the main reason that I love Them is because I’m a slut for tragedy, and knowing that something is going to have a sad ending but rooting for them anyway. Romeo and Juliet, the Hunchback of Notre Dame musical, Hadestown, the Song of Achilles, They Both Die at The End, even rewatching Brokeback Mountain, you get it. Tell me that they aren’t going to make it in the end and then let me watch them fall in love anyway. Let me watch them grow to love each other knowing that they’re going to end in tragedy. I should be sobbing on the floor by the end of it, I WANT to be sobbing on the floor by the end of it. That’s my shit. It is literally my favorite type of story. fuck me UP

So those are my Thots (TM) about Flint & Silver. They have one of the most well written relationships I’ve ever seen on screen and I am endlessly fascinated by them. I don’t like romantically ship them because I think it’s too complicated to reduce their relationship to “they’re dating“ when it is their journey from reluctant work place acquaintances to “It’s hard to know where one began and the other ended” that is so incredible. But I do think there is a deep and profound love between them and the finale doesn’t WORK unless they love each other, but it also has to be somewhat unspoken for it to work, too.  Because I don’t think Silver was aware of his own queerness and I think he has to actively not understand the queerness of Flint’s fight in order to do what he does otherwise I wouldn’t buy it. And I think that they were only at the beginning of their partnership, and I wonder where it could have gone if they hadn’t been ripped apart. Theirs is a tragedy of losing someone you love and losing something that isn’t easily defined, losing something that could have been. And their tragedy does not work if they didn’t have something to lose.

[lupismaris]

I posted 11,561 times in 2021

800 posts created (7%)

10761 posts reblogged (93%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 13.5 posts.

I added 443 tags in 2021

#my art - 94 posts

#black sails - 70 posts

#james flint - 54 posts

#jamie rambles - 43 posts

#silverflint - 40 posts

#john silver - 35 posts

#thomas hamilton - 28 posts

#aesthetic - 28 posts

#jamie's fic prompt fills - 26 posts

#silverflinthamilton - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#something about standing up and saying 'if you think me such a monster then i shall be one' feels like the first step on the road to freedom

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Either unkillable or Long Overdue.

_____

caught up in thoughts of our own mortality, in how we live out ghost stories and become haunted houses long before we’re meant to, how we don’t always know it happens until we’re left standing in the ashes, how we go through cycles of choking on sea water to clear our lungs before the next storm hits.

thinking about what makes us unkillable 

[ Image Description: two sketches of Captain Flint, one Line Art, one Colored. Half his face is a skull, his hair mimicking flames, his body beaing the scars earned through years of piracy. His left eye holds a gold glint] 

____

311 notes • Posted 2021-07-16 04:35:46 GMT

#4

“Captain.”

“Thief.”

_____

-incoherent emotional rambling about how love is real- i couldn’t just draw flintham i had to draw silverflint cause flint has two hands and what not and they’re just so goddamn soft and sappy. Modern au Silver and Flint, again not realy for a specific au but kinda for ballet au being gross and adorable. god i love love don’t you???

347 notes • Posted 2021-03-15 03:05:00 GMT

#3

my favorite characters are the big burly men seemingly incapable of intimacy and softness who love immensely and struggle with showing it and just want their loved ones to eat well. 

so have an Elliot doodle for my warm up because i am binging the show before the new series begins and thus there will likely be a lot of leverage related doodles. i missed him and the rest of the family so much my dudes. so much. 

tldr LEVERAGE 2.0 THE BABES ARE BACK AND I AM LIVING 

tldr pt 2 Elliot at the end of The Wedding Job when he comes out of the kitchen with massive plates of pasta that he just cooked for everyone, smiling at how excited and happy everyone is is both PEAK gender envy and the true moment i fell head over heels for him way back when i was a lil baby queer. 

622 notes • Posted 2021-05-05 18:18:37 GMT

#2

- Anthony Bourdain, Les Halles Cookbook

[middle photo reads]

You need love.

Hopefully it's love for the people you're cooking for, because the greatest and most memorable meals are as much about who you are with as they are about what you are. But love for what you're doing, and for the ingredients you're doing it with, will more than suffice. I suggested once to a maniacal barbecue professional that cooking well was not a profession, it was a calling. He laughed and went further: "it's an illness." I knew just what he meant. You must like cooking for other people, even if you neither know nor like them. You must enjoy the fact that you are nourishing them, pleasing them, giving the best you've got.

1113 notes • Posted 2021-04-22 23:51:54 GMT

#1

Bass Harbor Head Light House 9.12.21

3529 notes • Posted 2021-09-13 00:43:37 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

 he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

[woozapooza]

Black Sails season 2 wrap-up

Okay first of all why isn’t season 4 on hulu? It won’t be long before I need it

I got a copy of Treasure Island yesterday! I’m gonna read it after I finish the show

John Silver was the real treasure all along. He is a contender for my favorite character. I just realized there’s some joke to be made about his name. Was that the point of his name all along? It took me way too long to make that connection.

It also took me way too long to realize that Randall getting his leg amputated was probably foreshadowing for Silver getting his leg amputated.

My heart is James x Thomas. Like I’ve said, I wish I hadn’t known the show was going there so I could have been surprised, but it was also kind of fun knowing where it was going. The people complaining about the fact that all of the show, all of Treasure Island only happened because two dudes were in love are obnoxious, but they are also right :)

Max is the only consistently good person on this show. She is a contender for my favorite character.

Billy is good too, though. When he tried to protect his “brother” Silver <3 When he murdered the guy who tortured Silver 😍 He is a contender for my favorite character.

I love James Flint. He is so many tropes that I love. He is a contender for my favorite character. But, as I said in my season 1 wrap-up, he needs to stop killing people! Demolishing Charles Town was excessive. I mean I guess it was nice of him to take a moment to free a bunch of slaves, but like, they probably died minutes later.

Peter Ashe is the WORST and I do not mourn him and I’m totally cool with Flint having killed him. It does suck for Abigail, though. She basically saved Flint’s life and in return he killed her dad and destroyed her city. The one redeeming thing about Peter was that he wanted to protect her. But he was still a terrible person and, unlike some of the terrible people on this show, he could neither commit nor admit to it, which maybe it wouldn’t be right to hold against him in real life, but as a fictional character it makes him extra odious. Like, he keeps telling Flint “this isn’t what I wanted to happen” and like okay dude but it is happening!!! Also you suck!!! Oh my god when he tries to tell Flint that “what Miranda would have wanted” was for Flint to sign a confession, selling out just so he could be killed privately instead of publicly, as if Miranda didn’t die yelling at Peter for trying to make James sell out! It was gr8 seeing him get verbally smacked down first by Miranda, then by Flint.

RIP Miranda, the one true gay ally until the very end. I didn’t really like her at first for reasons I can’t put into words (it was just a vibe) but now she’s going on my list of favorite characters.

I love the trope where people who hate each other have to team up, and I was disappointed back in season 1 when Gates’ idea of having Flint’s crew and Vane’s crew team up to hunt the Urca fell through. So of course I loved seeing Vane rescue Flint in this episode and seeing the two of them fight side by side and escape together.

I’ve been supporting Eleanor but she crossed a line by ordering the deaths of the people who knew where the gold was, yikes. Still, Hornigold sucks for handing her over to the navy.

A book I was reading mentioned Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny and I was like I know them personally!

Max’s face when she saw the gold was adorable.

Flint leaving his ship to go speak to Peter Ashe and coming back to find the aftermath of a battle is basically the same as Troy Barnes going out to get pizza and coming back to find his apartment on fire. Billy explaining that there was “a bit of turmoil since you left” made me laugh hysterically. I think the fact that the episode was so dark made that line extra funny.

I think it’s sometime in season 3 that Flint gets all his hair cut off. I will be very sad when that happens. Of course I will love him no matter what his hair looks like, but the half-ponytail is essential to his #aesthetic and with his head shaved he looks a bit too much like Walter White for my taste.

I really hope someday I can rewatch this show and understand it better and hopefully blog more insightful thoughts about it.

[glittership]

Episode #57 - "You Inside Me" by Tori Curtis

Download this episode (right click and save)

And here’s the RSS feed: http://glittership.podbean.com/feed/

Episode 57 is a GLITTERSHIP ORIGINAL and is part of the Autumn 2017/Winter 2018 issue!

Support GlitterShip by picking up your copy here: http://www.glittership.com/buy/

    You Inside Me

by Tori Curtis

  It’ll be fun, he’d said. Everyone’s doing it. You don’t have to be looking for romance, it’s just a good way to meet people.

“I don’t think it’s about romance at all,” Sabella said. She wove her flower crown into her braids so that the wire skeleton was hidden beneath strands of hair. “I think if you caught a congressman doing this, he’d have to resign.”

“That’s ’cause we’ve never had a vampire congressman,” Dedrick said. He rearranged her so that her shoulders fell from their habitual place at her ears, her chin pointed up, and snapped photos of her. “Step forward a little—there, you look more like yourself in that light.”

  Hello! Welcome to GlitterShip episode 57 for May 21st, 2018. This is your host, Keffy, and I’m super excited to share this story with you.

GlitterShip is now part of the Audible afflilate program. What this means is that just by listening to GlitterShip, you are eligible to get a free audio book and 30 day trial at Audible to check out the service.

If you’re looking for more queer science fiction to listen to, there’s a full audio book available of the Lightspeed Magazine “Queers Destroy Science Fiction” special issue, featuring stories by a large number of queer authors, including  John Chu, Chaz Brenchley, R.B. Lemberg, and many others.

To download a free audiobook today, go to http://www.audibletrial.com/GlitterShip and choose an excellent book to listen to, whether that’s “Queers Destroy Science Fiction” or something else entirely.

Today I have a story and a poem for you. The poem is “Dionysus in London” by Tristan Beiter.

Tristan Beiter is a student at Swarthmore College studying English Literature and Gender and Sexuality Studies. He loves reading poetry and speculative fiction, some of his favorite books being The Waste Land, HD’s Trilogy, Mark Doty’s Atlantis, Frances Hardinge’s Gullstruck Island, and Madeline Miller’s The Song of Achilles. When not reading or writing, he can usually be found crafting absurdities with his boyfriend or yelling about literary theory.

  Dionysus in London

by Tristan Beiter

  The day exploded, you know.

Last night a woman with big bouffant hair told me, “Show me a story where the daughter runs into a stop sign and it literally turns into a white flower.”

I fail to describe a total eclipse and the throne of petrified wood sank into the lakebed.

James made love to Buckingham while I pulled the honeysuckle to me, made a flower crown for the leopards flanking me while I watched red and white invert themselves, white petals pushing from the center of the sign as the post wilted until all that remained was a giant lotus on the storm grate waiting to rot or wash away.

I let it stay there while the Scottish king hid behind the Scottish play and walked behind me, one eye out for the mark left when locked in. You go witchy in there—or at least you—or he, or I—learn to be afraid of the big coats and brass buttons, like the ones in every hall closet; you never know if they will turn, like yours, into bats and bugs and giant tarantulas made from wire hangers.

The woman showed me our reflections in the shop window while one or the other man in the palace polished the silver for his lover’s table and asked me who I loved; I decided on the cream linen, since the wool was too close to the pea coat that hung

by your door. I suppose that the cat is under the car; that’s probably where it fled to as we walked, knowing we already found that the ivy in your hair was artificial as the bacchanal, or your evasion, Sire, of the question (and of the serpents who are well worth the well offered to them with the wet wax on my crown). I

suppose the car is under the cat, in which case it must be a very large cat, or else a very small car. I eat your teeth. I see brilliantine teeth floating in her thick red lipstick. James tears apart the rhododendron chattering (about) his incisors and remembering the flesh and—nothing so exotic as a Sphinx, maybe a dust mote or lip-marks left on the large leather chaise. Teeth gleam from the shadows where I wait, thyrsus raised with the cone almost touching the roof of the forest, to drown

in a peacock as it swallows (chimney swifts?) the sun—or was it son—or maybe it was just a grape I fed it so it would eat the spiders crawling from the closet. It struts across the palace green like it owns the place, like it will replace the hunting- grounds with fields of straggling mint that the king would never ask for.

The woman teases up her hair before the mirror, filling the restroom with hairspray and big laughs before walking back into the restaurant, where we wait to make ourselves over—the way the throne did when the wood crumbled under the pressure of an untold story, leaving nothing but crystals and dust.

We argued for an hour over whether to mix leaves and flowers, plants and gems, before settling on four crowns, one for each of us.

Her hair mostly covers hers. The cats will love it though, playing with teeth that were knocked into your wine in the barfight (why did you order wine in a place like that, Buck?) and you got replaced with gold, like I wear woven in my braids as the sun sets on the daughter that, unsurprisingly, none of us have. But

if we did, she would turn yield signs into dahlias and that would be the sign to move on with the leopards and their flashing teeth and brass eyes and listen. To the walls and rivers, to the sculpture that is far whiter than me falling. And to the peacock which has just eaten another bug so you don’t have to kill it. Get yourself a dresser and cover it with white enamel it’ll hold up, and no insects live in dressers. Keep

the ivy and the pinecone in a mother-of-pearl trinket box with your plastic volumizing hair inserts and jeweled combs. And put a cat and dolphin on it, to remember.

    Next, our short story this episode is “You Inside Me” by Tori Curtis

Tori Curtis writes speculative fiction with a focus on LGBT and disability issues. She is the author of one novel, Eelgrass, and a handful of short stories. You can find her at toricurtiswrites.com and on Twitter at @tcurtfish, where she primarily tweets about how perfect her wife is.

CW: For descriptions of traumatic surgery.

  You Inside Me

by Tori Curtis

  It’ll be fun, he’d said. Everyone’s doing it. You don’t have to be looking for romance, it’s just a good way to meet people.

“I don’t think it’s about romance at all,” Sabella said. She wove her flower crown into her braids so that the wire skeleton was hidden beneath strands of hair. “I think if you caught a congressman doing this, he’d have to resign.”

“That’s ’cause we’ve never had a vampire congressman,” Dedrick said. He rearranged her so that her shoulders fell from their habitual place at her ears, her chin pointed up, and snapped photos of her. “Step forward a little—there, you look more like yourself in that light.”

He took fifteen minutes to edit her photos (“they’ll expect you to use a filter, so you might as well,”) and pop the best ones on her profile.

Suckr: the premier dating app for vampires and their fanciers.

“It’s like we’re cats,” she said.

“I heard you like cats,” he agreed, and she sighed.

    Hi, I’m Sabella. I’ve been a vampire since I was six years old, and I do not want to see or be seen by humans. I’m excited to meet men and women between the ages of eighteen and sixty-five.

“That’s way too big of an age range,” Dedrick said. “You want to be compatible with these people.”

“Yeah, compatible. Like my tissue type.”

“You don’t want to end up flirting with a grandpa.”

I’m excited to meet men and women between the ages of twenty and thirty-five.

I’m most proud of my master’s degree.

You should message me if you’re brave and crazy.

    It took days, not to mention Dedrick’s exasperated return, before she went back on Suckr. She paced up the beautiful wood floors of her apartment, turning on heel at the sole window on the long end and the painted-over cast-iron radiator on the short. When she felt too sick to take care of herself, her mom came over and put Rumors on, wrapped her in scarves that were more pretty than functional, warmed some blood and gave it to her in a sippy cup. Sabella remembered nothing so much as the big Slurpees her mom had bought her, just this bright red, when she’d had strep the last year she was human.

She wore the necklace Dedrick had given her every day. It was a gold slice of pepperoni pizza with “best” emblazoned on the back (his matched, but read “friends,”), and she fondled it like a hangnail. She rubbed the bruises on her arms, where the skin had once been clear and she’d once thought herself pretty in a plain way, like Elinor Dashwood, as though she might be able to brush off the dirt.

She called her daysleeper friends, texted acquaintances, and slowly stopped responding to their messages as she realized how bored she was of presenting hope day after day.

    2:19:08 bkissedrose: I’m so sorry.

2:19:21 bkissedrose: I feel like such a douche

2:19:24 sabellasay: ???

2:20:04 sabellasay: what r u talkin about

2:25:56 bkissedrose: u talked me down all those times I would’ve just died

2:26:08 sabellasay: it was rly nbd

2:26:27 bkissedrose: I’ve never been half as good as you are

2:26:48 bkissedrose: and now you’re so sick

2:29:12 sabellasay: dude stop acting like i’m dying

2:29:45 sabellasay: I can’t stand it

2:30:13 bkissedrose: god you’re so brave

  (sabellasay has become inactive)

    “Everyone keeps calling me saying you stopped talking to them,” Dedrick said when he made it back to her place, shoes up on the couch now that he’d finally wiped them of mud. “Should I feel lucky you let me in?”

“I’m tired,” she said. “It’s supposed to be a symptom. I like this one, I think she has potential.”

He took her phone and considered it with the weight of a father researching a car seat. “A perfect date: I take you for a ride around the lake on my bike, then we stop home for an evening snack.”

“She means her motorcycle,” Sabella clarified.

He rolled his eyes and continued reading. “My worst fear: commitment.”

“At least she’s honest.”

“That’s not really a good thing. You’re not looking for someone to skip out halfway through the movie.”

“No, I’m looking for someone who’s not going to be heartbroken when I die anyway.”

Dedrick sighed, all the air going out of his chest as it might escape from dough kneaded too firmly, and held her close to him. “You’re stupid,” he told her, “but so sweet.”

“I think I’m going to send her a nip.”

    The girl was named Ash but she spelled it A-I-S-L-I-N-G, and she seemed pleased that Sabella knew enough not to ask lots of stupid questions. They met in a park by the lakeside, far enough from the playground that none of the parents would notice the fanged flirtation going on below.

If Aisling had been a boy, she would have been a teen heartthrob. She wore her hair long where it was slicked back and short (touchable, but hard to grab in a fight) everywhere else. She wore a leather jacket that spoke of a once-in-a-lifetime thrift store find, and over the warmth of her blood and her breath she smelled like bag balm. Sabella wanted to hide in her arms from a fire. She wanted to watch her drown trying to save her.

Aisling parked her motorcycle and stowed her helmet before coming over to say hi—gentlemanly, Sabella thought, to give her a chance to prepare herself.

“What kind of scoundrel left you to wait all alone?” Aisling asked, with the sort of effortlessly cool smile that might have broken a lesser woman’s heart.

“I don’t know,” Sabella said, “but I’m glad you’re here now.”

Aisling stepped just inside her personal space and frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude,” she said, “but are you—”

“I’m trans, yes,” Sabella interrupted, and smiled so wide she could feel the tension at her temples. Like doing sit-ups the wrong way for years, having this conversation so many times hadn’t made it comfortable, only routine. “We don’t need to be awkward about it.”

“Okay,” Aisling agreed, and sat on the bench, helping Sabella down with a hand on her elbow. “I meant that you seem sick.”

She looked uneasy, and Sabella sensed that she had never been human. Vampires didn’t get sick—she had probably never had more than a headache, and that only from hunger.

“Yes,” Sabella said. “I am sick. I’m not actually—I mentioned this on my profile—I’m not actually looking for love.”

“I hope you won’t be too disappointed when it finds you,” Aisling said, and Sabella blushed, reoriented herself with a force like setting a bone, like if she tried hard enough to move in one direction she’d stop feeling like a spinning top.

“I’m looking for a donor,” she said.

“Yeah, all right,” Aisling said. She threw her arm over the back of the bench so that Sabella felt folded into her embrace. “I’m always willing to help a pretty girl out.”

“I don’t just mean your blood,” she said, and felt herself dizzy.

    It was easier for Sabella to convince someone to do something than it was for her to ask for it. Her therapist had told her that, and even said it was common, but he hadn’t said how to fix it. “Please, may I have your liver” was too much to ask, and “Please, I don’t want to die” was a poor argument.

“So, you would take my liver—”

“It would actually only be part of your liver,” Sabella said, stopping to catch her breath. She hadn’t been able to go hiking since she’d gotten so sick—she needed company, and easy trails, and her friends either didn’t want to go or, like her mom, thought it was depressing to watch her climb a hill and have to stop to spit up bile.

“So we would each have half my liver, in the end.”

Sabella shrugged and looked into the dark underbrush. If she couldn’t be ethical about this, she wouldn’t deserve a liver. She wouldn’t try to convince Aisling until she understood the facts. “In humans, livers will regenerate once you cut them in half and transplant them. Like how kids think if you cut an earthworm in half, you get two. Or like bulbs. Ideally, it would go like that.”

“And if it didn’t go ideally?”

(“Turn me,” Dedrick said one day, impulsively, when she’d been up all night with a nosebleed that wouldn’t stop, holding her in his lap with his shirt growing polka-dotted. “I’ll be a vampire in a few days, we can have the surgery—you’ll be cured in a week.”)

“If it doesn’t go ideally,” Sabella said, “one or both of us dies. If it goes poorly, I don’t even know what happens.”

She stepped off the tree and set her next target, a curve in the trail where a tree had fallen and the light shone down on the path. Normally these days she didn’t wear shoes but flip-flops, but this was a date, and she’d pulled her old rainbow chucks out of the closet. Aisling walked with her silently, keeping pace, and put an arm around her waist.

Sabella looked up and down the trail. Green Lake was normally populated enough that people kept to their own business, and these days she felt pretty safe going about, even with a girl. But she checked anyway before she leaned into Ais’s strength, letting her guide them so that she could use all her energy to keep moving.

“But if it doesn’t happen at all, you die no matter what?”

Sabella took a breath. “If you don’t want to, I look for someone else.”

    Her mom was waiting for her when Sabella got home the next morning.

Sabella’s mother was naturally blonde, tough when she needed to be, the sort of woman who could get into hours-long conversations with state fair tchotchke vendors. She’d gotten Sabella through high school and into college through a careful application of stamping and yelling. When Sabella had started calling herself Ravynn, she’d brought a stack of baby name books home and said, “All right, let’s find you something you can put on a resume.”

“Mom,” she said, but smiling, “I gave you a key in case I couldn’t get out of bed, not so you could check if I spent the night with a date.”

“How’d it go? Was this the girl Dedrick helped you find?”

“Aisling, yeah,” Sabella said. She sat on the recliner, a mountain of accent pillows cushioning her tender body. “It was good. I like her a lot.”

“Did she decide to get the surgery?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask her to choose.”

“Then what did you two do all night?”

Sabella frowned. “I like her a lot. We had a good time.”

Her mom stood and put the kettle on, and Sabella couldn’t help thinking what an inconvenience she was, that her mother couldn’t fret over her by making toast and a cup of tea. “Christ, what decent person would want to do that with you?”

“We have chemistry! She’s very charming!”

She examined Sabella with the dissatisfied air of an artist. “You’re a mess, honey. You’re so orange you could be a jack-o-lantern, and swollen all over. You look like you barely survived a dogfight. I don’t even see my daughter when I look at you anymore.”

Sabella tried to pull herself together, to look more dignified, but instead she slouched further into the recliner and crossed her arms over her chest. “Maybe she thinks I’m funny, or smart.”

“Maybe she’s taking advantage. Anyone who really cared about you wouldn’t be turned on, they’d be worried about your health.”

Sabella remembered the look on Aisling’s face when she’d first come close enough to smell her, and shuddered. “I’m not going to ask her to cut out part of her body for me without thinking about it first,” she said.

“Without giving her something in return?” her mom asked. “It’s less than two pounds.”

“But it’s still her choice,” Sabella said.

“I’m starting to wonder if you even want to live,” her mom said, and left.

Sabella found the energy to go turn off the stovetop before she fell asleep. (Her mother had raised her responsible.)

    12:48:51 bkissedrose: what happens to a dream bestowed

12:49:03 bkissedrose: upon a girl too weak to fight for it?

12:53:15 sabellasay: haha you can’t sleep either?

12:53:38 sabellasay: babe idk

12:55:43 sabellasay: is it better to have loved and lost

12:56:29 sabellasay: than to die a virgin?

1:00:18 bkissedrose: I guess I don’t know

1:01:24 bkissedrose: maybe it depends if they’re good

    “It’s nice here,” Aisling confessed the third time they visited the lake. Sabella and her mom weren’t talking, but she couldn’t imagine it would last more than a few days longer, so she wasn’t worried. “I’d never even heard of it.”

“I grew up around here,” Sabella said, “and I used to take my students a few times a year.”

“You teach?”

“I used to teach,” she said, and stepped off the trail—the shores were made up of a gritty white sand like broken shells—to watch the sinking sun glint off the water. “Seventh grade science.”

Aisling laughed. “That sounds like a nightmare.”

“I like that they’re old enough you can do real projects with them, but before it breaks off into—you know, are we doing geology or biology or physics. When you’re in seventh grade, everything is science.” She smiled and closed her eyes so that she could feel the wind and the sand under her shoes. She could hear birds settling and starting to wake, but she couldn’t place them. “They’ve got a long-term sub now. Theoretically, if I manage to not die, I get my job back.”

Aisling came up behind her and put her arms around her. Sabella knew she hadn’t really been weaving—she knew her limits well enough now, she hoped—but she felt steadier that way. “You don’t sound convinced.”

“I don’t think they expect to have to follow through,” Sabella admitted. “Sometimes I think I’m the only one who ever thinks I’m going to survive this. My mom’s so scared all the time, I know she doesn’t.”

Aisling held her not tight but close, like being tucked into a bright clean comforter on a cool summer afternoon. “Can I ask you a personal question?” she said, her face up against Sabella’s neck so that every part of Sabella wanted her to bite.

“Maybe,” she said, then thought better of it. “Yes.”

“How’d you get sick? I didn’t think we could catch things like that. Or was it while you were human?”

“Um, no, but I’m not contagious, just nasty.” Aisling laughed, and she continued, encouraged. “Mom would, you know, once I came out I could do pretty much whatever I wanted, but she wouldn’t let me get any kind of reconstructive surgery until I was eighteen. She thought it was creepy, some doc getting his hands all over her teenage kid.”

“Probably fair.”

“So I’m eighteen, and she says okay, you’re right, you got good grades in school and you’re going to college like I asked, I’ll pay for whatever surgery you want. And you have to imagine, I just scheduled my freshman orientation, I have priorities.”

“Which are?”

“Getting laid, mostly.”

“Yeah, I remember that.”

“So I’m eighteen and hardly ever been kissed, I’m not worried about the details. I don’t let my mom come with me, it doesn’t even occur to me to see a doctor who’s worked with vampires before, I just want to look like Audrey Hepburn’s voluptuous sister.”

“Oh no,” Ash said. It hung there for a moment, the dread and Sabella’s not being able to regret that she’d been so stupid. “It must have come up.”

“Sure. He said he was pretty sure it would be possible to do the surgery on a vampire, he knew other surgeries had been done. I was just so excited he didn’t say no.”

Ash held her tight then, like she might be dragged away otherwise, and Sabella knew that it had nothing to do with her in particular, that it was only the protective instinct of one person watching another live out her most plausible nightmare. “What did he do to you?”

“It wasn’t his fault,” she said, and then—grimacing, she knew her mother would have been so angry with her—“at least, he didn’t mean anything by it. He never read anything about how to adapt the procedure to meet my needs.” She sounded so clinical, like she’d imbibed so many doctors’ explanations of what had happened that she was drunk on it. “But neither did I. We both found out you can’t give vampires a blood transfusion.”

“Why would you need to?”

She shrugged. “You don’t, usually, in plastic surgery.”

“No,” Aisling interrupted, “I mean, why wouldn’t you drink it?”

Sabella tried to remember, or tried not to be able to, and tucked her cold hands into her pockets. “You’re human, I guess. Anyway, I puked all over him and the incision sites, had to be hospitalized. My doctor says I’m lucky I’m such a good healer, or I’d need new boobs and a new liver.”

They were both quiet, and Sabella thought, this is it. You either decide it’s too much or you kiss me again.

She thought, I miss getting stoned with friends and telling shitty surgery stories and listening to them laugh. I hate that when I meet girls their getting-to-know-you involves their Youtube make-up tutorials and mine involves “and then, after they took the catheter out…”

“Did you sue for malpractice, at least?” Ash asked, and Sabella couldn’t tell without looking if her tone was teasing or wistful.

“My mom did, yeah. When they still wanted her to pay for the damn surgery.”

    Aisling pulled up to the front of Sabella’s building and stopped just in front of her driveway. She kicked her bike into park and stepped onto the sidewalk, helping Sabella off and over the curbside puddle. Sabella couldn’t find words for what she was thinking, she was so afraid that her feelings would shatter as they crystallized. She wanted Ais to brush her hair back from her face and comb out the knots with her fingers. She wanted Ais to stop by to shovel the drive when there was lake effect snow. She wanted to find ‘how to minimize jaundice’ in the search history of Aisling’s phone.

“You’re beautiful in the sunlight,” Ais said, breaking her thoughts, maybe on purpose. “Like you were made to be outside.”

Sabella ducked her head and leaned up against her. The date was supposed to be over, go inside and let this poor woman get on with her life, but she didn’t want to leave. “It’s nice to have someone to go with me,” she said. “Especially with a frost in the air. Sometimes people act like I’m so fragile.”

“Ridiculous. You’re a vampire.”

Her ears were cold, and she pressed them against Aisling’s jawbone. She wondered what the people driving past thought when they saw them. She thought that maybe the only thing better than surviving would be to die a tragic death, loved and loyally attended. “I was born human.”

“Even God makes mistakes.”

Sabella smiled. “Is that what I am? A mistake?”

“Nah,” she said. “Just a happy accident.”

Sabella laughed, thought you’re such a stoner and I feel so safe when you look at me like that.

“I’ll do it,” Ais said.  “What do I have to do to set up the surgery?”

Sabella hugged her tight, hid against her and counted the seconds—one, two, three, four, five—while Ais didn’t change her mind and Sabella wondered if she would.

    “I have to stress how potentially dangerous this is,” Dr. Young said. “I can’t guarantee that it will work, that either of you will survive the procedure or the recovery, or that you won’t ultimately regret it.”

Aisling was holding it together remarkably well, Sabella thought, but she still felt like she could catch her avoiding eye contact. Sabella had taken the seat in the doctor’s office between her mother and girlfriend, and felt uncomfortable and strange no matter which of their hands she held.

“Um,” Ais said, and Sabella could feel her mother’s judgment at her incoherence, “you said you wouldn’t be able to do anything for the pain?”

To her credit, the doctor didn’t fidget or look away. Sabella, having been on the verge of death long enough to become something of a content expert, believed that it was important to have a doctor who was upfront about how terrible her life was. “I wouldn’t describe it as ‘nothing,’ exactly,” she said. “There aren’t any anesthetics known to work on vampires, but we’ll make you as comfortable as possible. You can feed immediately before and as soon as you’re done, and that will probably help snow you over.”

“Being a little blood high,” Ais clarified. “While you cut out my liver.”

“Yes.”

Sabella wanted to apologize. She couldn’t find the words.

Aisling said, “Well, while we’re trying to make me comfortable, can I smoke up, too?”

Dr. Young laughed. It wasn’t cruel, but it wasn’t promising, either. “That’s not a terrible idea,” she said, “but marijuana increases bleeding, and there are so many unknown variables here that I’d like to stick to best practices if we can.”

“I can just—” Sabella said, and choked. She wasn’t sure when she’d started crying. “Find someone else. Dedrick will do it, I know.”

Aisling considered this. The room was quiet, soft echoes on the peeling tile floor. Sabella’s mother put an arm around her, and she felt tiny, but in the way that made her feel ashamed and not protected. Aisling said, “Why are you asking me? Is there something you know that I don’t?”

Dr. Young shook her head. “I promise we’re not misrepresenting the procedure,” she said. “And theoretically, it might be possible with any vampire. But there aren’t a lot of organ transplants in the literature—harvesting, sure, but not living transplants—and I want to get it right the first time. If we have a choice, I told Sabella I’d rather use a liver from a donor who was born a vampire. I think it’ll increase our chance of success.”

“A baby’d be too weak,” Aisling agreed. Her voice was going hard and theoretical. “Well, tell me something encouraging.”

“One of the first things we’ll do is to cut through almost all of your abdominal nerves, so that will help. And there’s a possibility that the experience will be so intense that you don’t remember it clearly, or at all.”

Sabella’s mother took a shaky breath, and Sabella wished, hating herself for it, that she hadn’t come.

Ais said, “Painful. You mean, the experience will be so painful.”

“If you choose to go forward with it,” Dr. Young said, “we’ll do everything we can to mitigate that.”

    Sabella had expected that Aisling would want space and patience while she decided not to die a horrible, painful death to save her. It was hard to tell how instead they ended up in her bed with the lights out, their legs wound together and their faces swollen with sleep. Sabella was shaking, and couldn’t have said why. Ais grabbed her by her seat and pulled her up close.

“You said you couldn’t get me sick?” she asked.

“No,” Sabella agreed. “Although my blood is probably pretty toxic.”

Ais kissed her, the smell of car exhaust still stuck in her hair. “What a metaphor,” she murmured, and lifted her chin. “You look exhausted.”

Sabella thought, Are you saying what I think you’re saying? and, That’s a terrible idea, and said, “God, I want to taste you.”

“Well, baby,” Ais said, and her hands were on Sabella so she curled her lips and blew her hair out of her eyes, “that’s what I’m here for.”

Sabella had been human once, and she remembered what food was like. The standard lie, that drinking blood was like eating a well-cooked steak, was wrong but close enough to staunch the flow of an interrogation. (She’d had friends and exes, turned as adults, who said it was like a good stout on tap, hefty and refreshing, but she thought they might just be trying to scandalize her.)

Ais could have been a stalk of rhubarb or August raspberries. She moved under Sabella and held her so that their knees pressed together. She could have been the thrill of catching a fat thorny toad in among the lettuce at dusk, or a paper wasp in a butterfly net. She felt like getting tossed in the lake in January; she tasted like being wrapped in fleece and gently dried before the fire; her scent was what Sabella remembered of collapsing, limbs aquiver, on the exposed bedrock of a mountaintop, nothing but crushed pine and the warmth of a moss-bed.

She woke on top of Ais, licking her wounds lazily—she wanted more, but she was too tired to do anything about it.

“That’s better,” Ais whispered, and if she was disappointed that this wasn’t turning into a frenzy, she didn’t show it. They were quiet for long enough that the haze started to fade, and then Aisling said, “I couldn’t ask in front of your mother, but was it like that with your surgery? They couldn’t do anything for the pain?”

Sabella shifted uncomfortably, rolled over next to Ais. “I was conscious, yes.”

“Do you remember it?”

It was a hard question. She wanted to say it wasn’t her place to ask. She tried to remember, and got caught up in the layers of exhaustion, the spaces between the body she’d had, the body she’d wanted, and what they had been doing to her. “Sounds and sensations and thoughts, mostly,” she said.

Ais choked, and said, “So, everything,” and Sabella realized—she didn’t know how she hadn’t—how scared she must be.

“No, it’s blurry,” she said instead. “I remember, um, the tugging at my chest. I kept thinking there was no way my skin wasn’t just going to split open. And the scraping sounds. They’ve got all these tools, and they’re touching you on the inside and the outside at the same time, and that’s very unsettling. And this man, I think he was the PA, standing over me saying, ‘You’ve got to calm down, honey.’”

“Were you completely freaking out?” Ais asked.

Sabella shook her head. Her throat hurt. “No. I mean—I cried a little. Not as much as you’d think. They said if I wasn’t careful, you know, with swallowing at the right times and breathing steady, they might mess up reshaping my larynx and I could lose my voice.”

Ais swore, and Sabella wondered if she would feel angry. (Sometimes she would scream and cry, say, can you imagine doing that to an eighteen-year-old?) Right now she was just tired. “How did you manage?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I think just, it was worth more to me to have it done than anything else. So I didn’t ever tell them to stop.”

    “Please don’t go around telling people I think this is an acceptable surgical set-up,” Dr. Young said, looking around the exam room.

It reminded Sabella of a public hearing, the way the stakeholders sat at opposing angles and frowned at each other. Dr. Young sat next to Dr. Park, who would be the second doctor performing the procedure. Sabella had never met Dr. Park before, and her appearance—young, mostly—didn’t inspire confidence. Sabella sat next to her mother, who held her hand and a clipboard full of potential complications. Ais crossed her fingers in her lap, sat with a nervous child’s version of polite interest. Time seemed not to blur, but to stutter, everything happening whenever.

“Dr. Park,” Sabella’s mother said, “do you have any experience operating on vampires?”

Dr. Park grinned and her whole mouth seemed to open up in her face, her gums pale pink as a Jolly Rancher and her left fang chipped. “Usually trauma or obstetrics,” she admitted. “Although this is nearly the same thing.”

“I’m serious,” Sabella’s mom said, and Sabella interrupted.

“I like her,” she said. And then—it wasn’t really a question except in the sense that there was no way anyone could be sure—“You’re not going to realize halfway through the surgery that it’s too much for you?”

Dr. Park laughed. “I turned my husband when we were both eighteen,” she said as testament to her cruelty.

Sabella’s mom jumped. “Jesus Christ, why?”

She shrugged, languid. Ais and Dr. Young were completely calm; Ais might have had no frame of reference for what it was like to watch someone turn, and Dr. Young had probably heard this story before. “His parents didn’t like that he was dating a vampire. You’ll do crazy things for love.”

Sabella could see her mother blanch even as she steadied. It wasn’t unheard of for a vampire to turn their spouse—less common now that it was easier to live as a vampire, and humans were able to date freely but not really commit. But she could remember being turned, young as she had been: the gnawing ache, the hallucinations, the thirst that had only sometimes eclipsed the pain. It was still the worst thing that she’d ever experienced, and she was sure her mother couldn’t understand why anyone would choose to do it to someone they loved.

“Good,” she said. “You won’t turn back if we scream.”

Dr. Young frowned. “I want you to know you have a choice,” she said. She was speaking to Ais; Sabella had a choice, too, but it was only between one death and another. “There will be a point when you can’t change your mind, but by then it’ll be almost over.”

Ais swore. It made Dr. Park smile and Sabella’s mom frown. Sabella wondered if she was in love with her, or if it was impossible to be in love with someone who was growing a body for them to share. “Don’t say that,” Ais said. “I don’t want to have that choice.”

    The morning of the surgery, Aisling gave Sabella a rosary to wear with her pizza necklace, and when they kicked Sabella’s mom out to the waiting room, she kissed them both as she went. “I like your mom,” Ais said shyly. They lay in cots beside each other, just close enough that they could reach out and hold hands across the gap. “I bet she’d get along with mine.”

Sabella laughed, her eyes stinging, threw herself across the space between them and kissed each of Ais’s knuckles while Ais said, “Aw, c’mon, save it ‘til we get home.”

“Isn’t that a lot of commitment for you?” Sabella asked.

“Yeah, well,” Ais said, caught, and gave her a cheesy smile. “You’re already taking my liver, at least my heart won’t hurt so much.”

They drank themselves to gorging while nurses wrapped and padded them in warm blankets. Ais was first, for whatever measure of mercy that was, and while they were wheeled down the dizzying white hallway, she grinned at Sabella, wild, some stranger’s blood staining her throat to her nose. “You’re a real looker,” she said, and Sabella laughed over her tears.

“Thank you,” Sabella said. “I mean, really, for everything.”

Ais winked at her; Sabella wanted to run away from all of this and drink her in until they died. “It’s all in a day’s work, ma’am,” she said.

It wasn’t, it couldn’t have been, and Sabella loved her for pretending. Ais hissed, she cried, she asked intervention of every saint learned in K-12 at a Catholic school. A horrible gelatinous noise came as Dr. Young’s gloves touched her innards, and Ais moaned and Sabella said, “You have to stop, this is awful,” and the woman assigned to supervise her held her down and said hush, honey, you need to be quiet. And the doctors’ voices, neither gentle nor unkind: We’re almost done now, Aisling, you’re being so brave. And: It’s a pity she’s too strong to pass out.

Sabella went easier, hands she couldn’t see wiping her down and slicing her open while Dr. Park pulled Ais’s insides back together. She’d been scared for so long that the pain didn’t frighten her; she kept asking “Is she okay? What’s happening?” until the woman at her head brushed back her hair and said shh, she’s in the recovery room, you can worry about yourself now.

It felt right, fixing her missteps with pieces of Ais, and when Dr. Young said, “There we go, just another minute and you can go take care of her yourself,” Sabella thought about meromictic lakes, about stepping into a body so deep its past never touched its present.

END

    “Dionysus in London” is copyright Tristan Beiter 2018.

“You Inside Me” is copyright Tori Curtis 2018.

This recording is a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives license which means you can share it with anyone you’d like, but please don’t change or sell it. Our theme is “Aurora Borealis” by Bird Creek, available through the Google Audio Library.

You can support GlitterShip by checking out our Patreon at patreon.com/keffy, subscribing to our feed, or by leaving reviews on iTunes.

Thanks for listening, and we’ll be back soon with a reprint of “The City of Kites and Crows” by Megan Arkenberg.

  Episode #57 – “You Inside Me” by Tori Curtis was originally published on GlitterShip

[junker-town]

2021 NBA player rankings, Nos. 20-11: Lonzo Ball a top 20 player? What about Ben Simmons?

Two rookies who have yet to log an NBA minute begin this section of our countdown, which also features a number of established stars.

Now, we’re getting into All-NBA territory on our Top 101 NBA players of 2021 countdown. Which players will be competitive for those elusive 15 spots in four years? How old will those players be?

That’s how you get a mixture of completely unproven NBA players and veterans that may or may not fall off. We begin with two players who have yet to log a single NBA minute and end with a two-time MVP and a two-time runner up who probably both got disrespected.

20. Ben Simmons

Age in 2021: 24 (5 seasons including injury)

CHRIS GREENBERG: Sure, Joel Embiid is great on Twitter. And, yes, Markelle Fultz may already be leading the league in getting overshadowed by Lonzo Ball at rookie photo shoots. But Ben Simmons is the versatile, matchup nightmare who will turn the entertaining #Process into the contending #Progress.

The rangy 6’ 10 playmaker who was compared to LeBron James coming out of LSU hasn’t played a minute since being the No. 1 pick in 2016 draft due to a foot injury, but his confidence seems higher than ever. He declared himself the 76ers’ starting point guard even after the team drafted a player at that position a year later with the No. 1 pick.

He’s also been practicing with James. That’s never a bad idea for a passing wunderkind with a 7’ wingspan.

Have a Shirley Temple for me when this pick is validated.

Happy Bday to my lil bro @BenSimmons25!!! That boi 21 now. Uh-Oh!! Let's go have a Shirley temple with a twist. ‍♂️ ‍♂️

— LeBron James (@KingJames) July 20, 2017

Everyone else’s reactions

TIM CATO: Forget his passing skills, which is the only positive we ever seem to talk about with Simmons. He’s probably the best ball handler over 6’9, and he’s built. The jump shot quandry with him is enormous, of course, but get Simmons going to the rim and I’m not sure what defenses do.

MATT ELLENTUCK: Brandon Ingram will be better.

ZITO MADU: I agree. Ingram will be better.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: He’s supposed to be baby LeBron, right? If that actually happens, he’ll be higher on this list than we have him.

TOM ZILLER: This could go really well or really badly. Little in-between.

More reading material

19. Lonzo Ball

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: The Lakers have 23 games on national TV this season without a single all-star on the roster. That’s all Lonzo Ball’s doing. Ball is a once-in-a-generation type of point guard the likes of which the NBA has never seen. I’m surprised he fell to 19.

Everyone else’s reactions

RICKY O’DONNELL: I’m all in on Ball. He might never put up huge numbers, but he just helps you win. Basically all the stud point guards today are score-first. Ball is pass first, pass second, and pass third. I can’t wait to watch him in the league.

ZITO MADU: In 2021, Ball will be the best player in the league and I will be on every NBA video with a Big Baller Brand leather snapback. Mark my words.

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: Can’t wait to see Ball and Kyle Kuzma tearing it up in 2021.

DREW GARRISON, SILVER SCREEN AND ROLL: That Lonzo is the highest-ranked Laker is no surprise — if he does turn out to be a top-20 player by 2021, the purple and gold should be thrilled. Just don't let LaVar know he's not No. 1.

MIKE PRADA: We spent all year saying Markelle Fultz (No. 21) was a better NBA prospect than Ball. NBA teams clearly preferred Fultz to Ball without much questioning. They’re the same age and play the same position.

Now Fultz gets a minor injury, Ball has a couple nice Summer League games, and we’re changing our minds?

TOM ZILLER: If by “we” you mean “Kristian.” This is a ludicrous pick. And I like Ball!

TIM CATO: You’ll never be a Big Baller if you keep talking like that, Ziller.

KYLE NEUBECK, LIBERTY BALLERS: Ball going over Markelle Fultz isn't super crazy simply because the latter will likely be the third-best player on his team in a best-case scenario.

Where I have an issue is Ball over Simmons, who I think is going to remind a lot of people how talented a basketball player he is during his rookie season. He is an elite prospect who has the perfect players around him to succeed, and he won't have to worry about answering questions about his dad after every shootaround.

CHRIS GREENBERG: I’m with Ziller. I love Ball’s court vision, but this pick makes a lot more sense if we’re ranking hype rather impact.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: Bottom line: I’d take Fultz, too ... if I knew Ball would never play for my organization. I saw what I needed to see with Ball. He makes his teammates better. That won’t go out of style any time soon.

More reading material

18. Paul George

Age in 2021: 31 (11 seasons)

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: I am a Pacers fan. Fool me once, shame on you, Paul George. Fool me twice, shame on me.

George has been freed from mediocrity after being traded out of Indiana. If he can accept that he is the best version of a No. 2 star on a really good team, he will be fantastic. When you get PG in a catch-and-shoot situation, he’s nearly automatic, and that will only get better with time. He will be 31 in four years, but will still be one of the league’s best defenders.

The only question is which star will have him as their sidekick? LeBron James? Russell Westbrook? Don’t let me down again, PG. Accept your role in the league and ride the wave to 2021.

Everyone else’s reactions

ZITO MADU: #LakeShow

TIM CATO: I’m a little surprised there were 12 picks between George and Jimmy Butler (No. 30).

TOM ZILLER: Not only that, but the order in which they went. That said, only one of them has Tom Thibodeau squeezing every watt of energy out of them.

TIM CATO: George’s game might age slightly better, though, just because he’s a better shooter who does more work off screens, percentage wise, than any other offensive star currently in the league.

JOSHUA BROOM, WELCOME TO LOUD CITY: George is only 27 now. If his knees remain stable, the four-time All-Star may rank slightly higher on this list in '21.

More reading material

17. John Wall

Age in 2021: 30 (11 seasons)

TIM CATO: Wall’s underrated now and he’ll be underrated in 2021. It’s good to know some things never change.

Regardless, I’m still betting on the dude who just averaged 23 points and 11 assists for an entire damn season. He’s only 26 now, so maybe he gets even better between now and then.

Everyone else’s reactions

JAKE WHITACRE, BULLETS FOREVER: If John Wall is still a top-20 player in four years at age 31, that's a great sign for the Wizards and it means they're getting good value out of his supermax extension.

TOM ZILLER: I can’t believe a couple of the dudes that went above Wall, a trifecta guard — scoring, passing, and defense — who will be in his prime.

TIM CATO: To be fair, that defense comes and goes. Fun fact! Wall’s average speed, per the NBA’s tracking data, was 3.42 miles per hour on the defensive end. That’s eighth worst in the league and only 0.04 better than the stone-legged Dirk Nowitzki. But the simple fact that he can play above-average defense immediately jolts him past some of his peers, and I’d imagine he’ll find a much better balance of the two sides in the coming years.

MIKE PRADA: Wall is too low, and I already feel dumb about the pick I made ahead of him. But I do have a slight worry that he may not hold up health-wise, given his history of knee issues. He was fine last year, but that looms scarily in the background. He’s incredibly smart, but he also depends on his speed and athleticism to activate that great basketball IQ. If that starts to fade, I’ll be curious to see how his game responds.

Wow, we’re dumb.

TIM CATO: For the record, I didn’t even realize I picked the Washington backcourt consecutively until we finished this exercise. I’m putting Wizards fan Prada to shame.

KOFIE YEBOAH: Wall, I apologize for not picking you. I love you. Raleigh be the city.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: Only if this is Gang Sign John Wall.

KOFIE YEBOAH: Gang Sign John Wall would have gone No. 1 at the lowest.

More reading material

16. Devin Booker

Age in 2021: 24 (6 seasons)

KOFIE YEBOAH: Devin Booker has shown flashes of brilliance, though he has some things to improve of course. I picked him so high because the craziest part about Booker is that he’s only 20 years old now. He has time to improve and get even better. The potential is scary.

Everyone else’s reactions

RICKY O’DONNELL: I still can’t believe John Calipari played the Harrison twins over him when it counted at Kentucky.

DAVE KING, BRIGHT SIDE OF THE SUN: We believe that the 24-year old Booker will be an All-Star by 2021, maybe even multiple-times, so a No. 16 overall ranking makes sense. If Booker can lead the Suns to the playoffs by then, he might even rank higher at his NBA peak.

TOM ZILLER: This is a good pick. There may not be a better pure scorer under the age of 25 right now. (Dion Waiters is 25, for the record.)

MATT ELLENTUCK: I love Booker, but he’s going to need to add to his game to be in top-16 consideration. Can he become a playmaker? A solid defender? Right now we only know he can do one thing with consistency: shoot the damn ball to perfection.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I side with Matt on this one. Booker can fill it up, but he’s gotta step the other facets of his game up to be a top-20 guy.

CHRIS GREENBERG: Dig the pick. Agree that Booker must continue to develop non-scoring aspects of his game, but believe he will.

More reading material

15. Marvin Bagley

Age in 2021: 22 (3 seasons)

MIKE PRADA: It’s time for my customary foolish gamble on a high schooler in the teens! In 2011, I picked Austin Rivers. Welp. Last time, I went with Julius Randle. A little better, but not great either.

Thing is, there is always at least one high schooler who grows into a top-15 player in four years. Karl-Anthony Towns and Giannis Antetokounmpo weren’t in the NBA in 2013, but belong in the top-15 discussion now. Anthony Davis, Kyrie Irving, and Kawhi Leonard weren’t in the NBA when we did this exercise in 2011, but all were potential top-15 players in 2015. (OK, maybe not Leonard by then, but you get my point).

We know someone who is not currently in the league will be a top-15 player in 2021. I just suck at predicting that player.

So why Bagley? I watched a highlight video, read Ricky O’Donnell’s terrific feature on him, picked his brain for further advice, and got hooked. That’s pretty much it. This is very scientific.

Third time’s the charm! (Or, sell your stock on Bagley’s pro career post haste).

Everyone else’s reactions

KOFIE YEBOAH: /Watches Ballislife mixtape.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh. I’m with it.

RICKY O’DONNELL: I watched Bagley play point guard for his grassroots team this spring and was immediately sold. I can see him really developing his ball skills as he goes on in his career and gets some real coaching. I’ve mostly heard him compared to two players: Anthony Davis and Lamar Odom. That’s a hell of a combination.

MIKE PRADA: See! Ricky believes me!

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: This is a slap in the face of the Dion Waiters of the world.

ZITO MADU: I was confused how this could be a Prada pick and not Ricky’s, but it looks like you two conspired to get Bagley this high. There’s a bit of corruption going on with this, I see.

TOM ZILLER: Dammit, Prada just ruined Marvin Bagley’s career.

CHRIS GREENBERG: Wait, didn’t Bol Bol’s team top Bagley’s squad at Nike EYBL in April?

MIKE PRADA: Ricky’s story illuminates why that happened.

14. Nikola Jokic

Age in 2021: 26 (6 seasons)

MATT ELLENTUCK: Letting the Joker slip this deep is a crime. The quietest rising star of the 2016-17 season is years ahead of schedule already. He’s an offensive magician whose incredibly efficient shooting pales in comparison to his savvy passing and guard-like skills. Every shooter is better with Jokic on the floor. By 2021, I’m willing to bet a good team is built around him.

Everyone else’s reactions

TIM CATO: I think this is a perfect spot for Jokic, honestly. At his peak, he’s the uniquely gifted lead player on an above-average offense who plays good defense. That’s probably never going to be more than a top-15 player, but I’m all in on his potential.

TOM ZILLER: No one knew who Jokic was a year ago, and letting him slip to third-team All-NBA in a Future Rankings is a crime? I love Jokic but let’s not act like his future dominance is anything like assured.

MIKE PRADA: What if I told you that Jokic will make an All-NBA team next year? Because I think he will.

ADAM MARES, DENVER STIFFS: The year is 2029. Nikola Jokic drops 40-10-7 on Kristaps Porzingis and the New York Knicks. The media is impressed, but still certain that Porzingis has more upside.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I just want Jokic to stay healthy.

More reading material

13. Stephen Curry

Age in 2021: 33 (12 seasons)

RICKY O’DONNELL: Curry has never won with his athleticism. Even at age 33, he’ll still be the best shooter in the world and one of the NBA’s most electric players with the ball in his hands. I don’t see any way how Damian Lillard, Kyrie Irving, or even Russell Westbrook is going to pass him up over the next four years.

Everyone else’s reactions

CHARLIE STANTON, GOLDEN STATE OF MIND: For the life of me, I can’t think of 12 players now or in the next four years who will be better than a 33-year-old Steph. Malik Monk? Michael Porter? Bol Bol? Wait, I got it — Grayson Allen. There it is.

Editor’s Note: It was none of those players.

Curry is a top-five player in the league, and I have no reason to expect him to drop a full eight spots. He stays in the top seven.

TIM CATO: Curry should’ve been top-10, at least.

MIKE PRADA: Definitely would have taken him over a handful of folks ahead of him on this list.

BRADY KLOPFER, GOLDEN STATE OF MIND: I also don’t think Steph will fall this far. Shooting — especially given his quick release — isn’t really a trait that diminishes with age. His crossover and finishing ability may take a slight step backwards, but they’re certainly not skills that rely on his athleticism (or lack thereof).

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I didn’t take anyone 30 or over in this draft, and I ain’t bending that rule for Curry.

CHRIS GREENBERG: Spoken like someone in his 20s who can’t fathom that noted olds Magic, Hakeem, MJ, Nash, Russell, Wilt, Dr. J, Kareem, and the Mailman won MVP Awards in their age 30 seasons or later.

TOM ZILLER: Or that LeBron James, 32, is arguably still the best player in the world.

KOFIE YEBOAH: I tried to have the same age mentality as Kristian in this draft. Also are we sure that James isn’t immortal?

ZITO MADU: Curry feels too low? I can already see the snarky tweets from Warriors Twitter. Of course, I’m partially responsible for it.

More reading material

12. Damian Lillard

Age in 2021: 30 (9 seasons)

ZITO MADU: Lillard had his best year individually last season, averaging 27 points, six assists. and five rebounds, all while shooting a career high 44 percent from the field and 89.5 percent from the free-throw line. By 2021, Lillard should be better, and if he’s not better, some website will mention it and he’ll use the slight as motivation to burn the league down.

Everyone else’s reactions

DAVE DECKARD, BLAZERS EDGE: Unless he picks up some defense, we may be seeing peak Lillard already, but that's plenty good and should last. You can hardly slip a piece of notebook paper between him and the elite guards of his generation.

WHITNEY MEDWORTH: Lillard won’t be this good in 2021, but we’ll all talk about how he should be.

CHRIS GREENBERG: Want Zito to be right because Lillard is fun as anyone to watch when he’s cooking. But think Whitney is probably closer to the truth.

MIKE PRADA: Zito must be worried about suffering the wrath of a scorned Lillard. It’s hard for me to see him being better than Steph in four years, even with the age difference.

More reading material

11. James Harden

Age in 2021: 31 (12 seasons)

TOM ZILLER: Five straight all-star appearances, a guy who twice been an NBA MVP runner-up, a player who misses an average of three games per season over his career. He turns 28 this summer. Harden is going to be around in the upper levels of the league for a long, long time.

Everyone else’s reactions

MAX CROES, THE DREAM SHAKE: My immediate seething outrage at seeing James Harden No. 11 is quelled only by the rules of this draft. At this point, we're experiencing the Beard's ninth All-Star game, more than Pau Gasol, Scottie Pippen, Tracy McGrady, Grant Hill, Steve Nash, Dwight Howard... you get the idea.

MIKE PRADA: Should’ve gone higher, though I’m a little worried that Harden hasn’t always kept himself in peak physical condition, which manifests itself in the numerous defensive blooper reels floating around YouTube and the occasional ISO-ball stagnation. That might come back to bite him as he ages.

TIM CATO: I promise you he’s in shape right now, at least.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: That boy cut up. I need to be in the gym with him.

TIM CATO: Don’t we roast you enough at work already? We don’t need Harden doing it, too.

KRISTIAN WINFIELD: I’ll see you whenever you get back to NYC, Tim. Hands on sight.

More reading material

INTRO | FULL LIST | TOP 100 OF 2017 | HOW WE DID IN 2013 | SNUBS | 101-91 | 90-81 | 80-71 | 70-61 | 60-51 | 50-41 | 40-31 | 30-21 | 20-11 | 10-1 | THE CASES FOR NO. 1