#japhyisserious

[japhgura]

Currently experiencing an extreme bout of depression, gonna get back to drawing soon I hope but I guess it's gonna be vegetate in bed and bawl for me for a while

[japhgura]

Trigger Warning: Unknown Illness, Unable to Breathe

I've been having really bad breathing problems for like a year now and I'm starting to be at a point where it's like "I wish I'd just broken my leg" or "I wish I just had a fever or third degree burns", just.. something that people can see. It's like, I'm suffering my way around life, I've been to so many doctors and no one could really help and everyone around just doesn't.. see it. I suffocate my way up and down the stairs but I'm still expected to go to work and to do good and if I do shit then I'm expected to do better work and I'm just like?? Can I choke you for a sec and you do my work while I do that and we keep talking?

..I'm so tired of this, fr

Burying myself in Bleach to try and forget at least for a little bit

[japhgura]

Autism and Anxiety Problems below, just some venting

I've been struggling with generalized anxiety disorder since school and it's so crazy to think that that was most likely because of Autism.

I always worked on trying to keep my fear of other people' (and their possible irrationality) under control while also fearing the randomness of the universe

And I've really made quite good progress with that in the past. But when I was at university I would always pick out a row I knew others would attempt to avoid due to there not being so much space. And I'd sit there in this (to me) gigantic lecture hall with people quite literally all around me and my spine would tense up to the point of hurting even a long time after the 2 hours it took me to get home

I haven't had that specific thing this strong in a long time. But ever since being perceived as malfunctioning and unable to work a normal 9-5 (which my job isn't by the way wtf, my field is almost exclusively shifts??) and being basically kicked out because of that every person suddenly has gained so much threat level.

Like, since getting that iron bar to my face I've started to realize that people can now perceive something is off with me? Like my masking isn't up to par anymore because of how much stress I've been under?

And now every time I go take a walk through a place with more people I get the exact same spine cramping as before in the lecture hall, to the point the pain is so bad I keep having to turn around. My last three walks ended that way

Man, I'm currently really feeling like I'm extremely regressing. I need to bury my head in something to hyperfixate on fr, hopefully the appointment next Tuesday will help out with things