#jobs that def will be more work that my current one fml but hopefully more fulfilling and help me grow??

[miralparis]

that terrifying rush of actually sending in job apps to someone’s email instead of an anonymous portal

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW8

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Haller & Cantwell

IN: Saka & Abraham

Welp - blowing my two frees to get Tammy in and join the cool kids club.

Time to wave the white flag and make the switch I was supposed to do for free before last gameweek. Missed some value and having to blow another transfer does not...how do they say...feel great...but it's okay guys. Right?

Bottom line is Haller just doesn't look like the same FPL asset that Tammy does. Still love Haller and still think he'll trickle in points but when there are others in his price region who look like exploding with points then it's an easy switch.

I am less enthused about welcoming an Emery rotational fuckstick into the team but realistically I needed to find .2m to get Tammy and had the eye of sauron focused on him. I imagine having Saka will become a problem very fast, but hey, a problem for another day. Or so I hope.

GK:

Pope (EVE)

Pope home Everton seems good for a clean these days so hopefully that works out. Not much to say about him other than he's just a steady hold at this point in my team. Still good underlying defensive metrics for Burnley.

DEF:

Robertson & Alexander-Arnold (LEI)

Robbo and Trent have a kind of tricky fixture against Leicester but I don't think a clean is that out of the question. Realistically other than City I feel like Liverpool have a good shot at cleaning any other team in the division at home and with Alisson possibly back let's fucking go here.

Leic will prob just jam the middle of the park and hope Vardy catches something off the counter. Good luck against Virg.

Otamendi (WOL)

Otamendi has home Wolves which is simply a laugh riot fixture after the orange cucks come back from Turkey on Thursday. Seems good.

Lundstram (wat)

With Kevin out I'll be also getting Lundstram in there.

I'm not reallyyyy feeling a clean in this one, but it's at least a good on paper fixture at Watford. Seems fine and he's always a candidate for an attacking return as we know and love.

MID:

Salah (LEI) & Sterling (WOL)

Mo and Raz couple good friends still in there getting the run out once again.

Mo off some points midweek and Raz off a rest both seem delightful in this moment.

Love seeing the momentum around people selling Mo still and long may it continue. Still the best player in the game on a team that looks unstoppable. Playing the long game and not really considering binning.

Mount (sou)

New boy from last week Masonry Mount with another nice fixture as their run of green continues. Seems great.

Saka (BOU)

Finally, new friend little boy Bakary Saka will get thrown straight into my fire.

I thinkkkkkkkk he'll start? Maybe?

He looks actually good so maybe he's going to be new little pet project for Emery.

As long as Laca is out and Ozil is not allowed near the pitch he seems like a reasonable guy. Maybe I get ridiculously lucky and he spikes something in a fantastic on paper fixture.

FWD:

Pukki (AVL)

Pukki has a good home game for the first time since GW2 so hopefully he comes in with some returns. Norwich been good at home for a while so long may that continue.

Abraham (sou)

Abraham straight in and there isn’t much to be said here.

At Soton is sort of a difficult place to go but the way Chelsea have been looking recently and with the potential of CHO incoming makes their engine even that much more enticing to me.

Feels good to get Tammy in and to not have been punished on the points front even though he led the league in xG last gameweek.

CAP:

Salah (LEI)

As discussed on the new Friday My Life pod I'm going with big diff cap in Mo.

Not the best, good, or even kinda good on paper fixture but it's still Liverpool at home and it's still Mo. I am sticking with my pod shout of not feeling great about capping Raz - cue Mendy starting and Raz is playing central forward but hey fuck me - while he's stationed on the sideline.

Mo off a brace...don't think he has Egypt duties...plus the Brodge reunion tour. I mean would anyone be stunned if this is a 4-0? I wouldn't be. As Alon pointed out on the Friday My Life pod edition...anytime Mo at home is a diff like this he should be considered.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Agüero

IN: Aubameyang

Was very unsure of this move but talking about it with Walsh on the pod made me feel way better about it.

Kun, I never know if he will start, especially after a full run out in UCL, so meh yeah I don’t know. That risk sucks.

Add to that Aubz has the very long run of great fixtures and something I forgot to mention on pod is that I think Arsecast attack will continue to get way better once Bellerin and Tierney get in there so I’m looking forward to that too.

Aubz is an easy long term hold and shoudl be a great returner for me in that time. Come on let’s go.

GK:

Gunn (CHE)

Fucking hell what am I doing here? Funds from Kun to Aubz will fuel a Gunn out move for me.

I’d be pretty pleased with one point on Sunday.

DEF:

Tomori (sou)

I don’t really anticipate an away clean here and with Kante only 50/50 it’s made worse... But it’s possible! Also Tomo Arigato got a nice assist in UCL so maybe he can get himself another attacking return for me.

Lowton (EVE)

Another reasonable clean shout here.

Everton struggle for goals currently and Turf Moof must be the worst place to go to try and rectify that.

I’m hoping for a frustrating afternoon for the Blues and Burnley to do a Burnley on’em.

Lundstram (wat)

Fantastic fixture. I think anything less than 3 points would be disappointing for Wilder away to Watty. A clean is very possible too. Just no glaring huge howlers at the back boys, not this time please!

Kelly (whu)

I’m putting Kelly in here because he will almost definitely auto-sub in for Kevin (who is in my lineup currently).

Sakho is out so I expect Kelly to come back in, and he’s been solid all year.

Away to West Ham is a pretty bad fixture but also Palace tend to play way better away from home so this is by no means a nightmare. Clean points are still in play so I’m just hoping and praying for it.

MID:

Salah (LEI) & Sterling (WOL)

Two best players in the game remain the two best players in the game (maybe Kev overtakes Raz but meh)... Both are home and we all know these two teams cannot be touched in the league so I honestly expect points for both.

Cantwell (AVL)

Hoping Todd is fit enough to start and if he does this should be a good attacking fixture for Norwich. Come on Todd. Just need him to put in his oneish big chance that he’ll get.

FWD:

Aubameyang (BOU)

New lad after being rested in Europa league comes into my side with home Bournemouth on the cards. I’m salivating and he probably is too.

Abraham (sou)

Chelsea and Tammy look great.

Very impressive so far and Tammy has taken a big leap forward to just being a top striker this season. Let’s go.

Pukki (AVL)

Another Norwich dude. This is a huuuuuge fixture for the relegation battle but also just for our confidence in Pukki and Norwich to be keepers in fantasy.

We need a performance. Come on you Canaries.

CAP:

Aubameyang (BOU)

I mean, duh. This is as good an attacking fixture as you can get.

Bournemouth normally do not park and Eddie will think that with Arsenal’s defensive frailties they can get a result in this fixture... He might be right.

But anyway there should be plenty of room on the counter for the Gunners to slice and dice Bournemouth all day long. Serious hatty+ potential in this one for Aubz. Come on baby.

—

RANDOM SLACKER OF THE WEEK: ESPEN

The words of Random Slacker are not officially endorsed by this website nor any employees of FML FPL LLC.

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Rolling a transfer this week. Two FTs after International Break is always good, or so they say. No obvious problems in my team except Kev so will do the sensible thing and save.

GK:

Pope (EVE)

Old friend Pope with a nice clean shout home to Everton. Burnley still has a nice run going forward so I’m spending zero energy on this spot atm.

DEF:

Otamendi (WOL)

Great job by me getting Ota in for his GW6 haul.

Bad as he is at football, City’s next four fixtures are very cleanable and he should be pretty nailed for the time being.

Besides, he’s a very exciting player to own being a constant red card shout and a fox in the box at the same time.

Robertson and van Dijk (LEI)

Still on double LIV defense and feeling ok with it.

Robbo the lovely lad, quietly returning in the last four and is going nowhere, but VVD might be on the chopping block with the upcoming fixtures.

Home Leicester will probably be a tough fixture but I’m feeling a 1-0/2-0 kind of game so crossing fingers for a double clean.

Lundstram (wat)

What a legend this guy is. I’ve had him all season and he’s been saving my ass auto-subbing on with two double digit hauls.

Playing him in a good fixture over Soy away to Liverpool seems like a no-brainer. Hoping Sheff U can do the same they did at Everton.

MID:

Sterling (WOL)

Feeling good about Raz in this moment.

With his benching “out of the way” I feel confident he’ll play 90 and hopefully this will be a game where he actually converts his chances. One can dream.

Salah (LEI)

Lots of chatter about removing Mo before their rather dire run of fixtures.

Must admit I’ve been thinking about dropping him, but a -4 to get Aubs or something like that just felt like a classic “come back to bite me in my ass” kind of move.

Sticking with him for now as I can easily see him score a couple vs Lei.

Cue Mane brace.

Mount (sou)

Really happy about having Mount in my team. Integral part of the Chelsea attack and their fixtures are just a sea of green. Not much to think about, just a good value pick.

FWD:

Pukki (AVL)

Norwich doing this whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing on the road vs at home.

Home against Villa should be a great chance to bring the mojo back, and I’m expecting goals again from the Finnish GOAT.

If he blanks I’ll probably start to look elsewhere for points.

Abraham (sou)

My transfer last week, which of course resulted in 3 big chances missed and a blank.

Oh well, we all knew his efficiency wasn’t sustainable.

He’s been good on the road and Soton can be scored on so expecting great things from young Tammy this week and in the time to come.

CAP:

Sterling (WOL)

Sixth GW in a row with Raz as my cap and this might be the one I’m most confident about.

That scares me, and will probably lead to sadness and existential doubt.

Wolves went full strength in Turkey this Thursday and should get absolutely fucked at the Ethiad... Hopefully a rested Raz will do most of the fucking.

Vice on Mo as per.

[whitefx]

I’m doing what no one wanted or asked me to do :D

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My ex?? 

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Both 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Uhh friends. hopefully. Um family friends coming to visit.. i’m not sure bc i’m becoming a social recluse and apologize for everything i do.  Oh and my college classmates I met last week, they seem super coolio.

4. Are you easy to get along with? I’d like to think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Idk, I hope so?

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Guys, Gals, and nonbinary pals. Idk people with good personalities, nerds, soft features, again, nerds.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I highly doubt it

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Uh? No one right now?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Thats a yes and no answer. I’m okay with it but at the same time because I don’t know much of how sex works it sort of does? 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Not sure. I don’t do deep convos often, the closet thing i’ve gotten is when I angrily told someone I’ve been wanting to die for the past few days, and that was a good month or two ago. I don’t usually do deep convos, I usually talk to myself about that jazz. 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Nice Nice”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 

Sharp Edges by Linkin Park, Heavy By Linkin Park, One more light Linkin park, Save by Tyler Joseph, Falling too by Tyler Joseph 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yess 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Eh, not really 

15. What good thing happened this summer? I started a college class. (summer legit just started)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Likely not, as I doubt she wants to talk to me ever again. 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Maybe 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yes? 

19. Do you like bubble baths? I would if my tall large body would fit in the bath tub

20. Do you like your neighbors? I do, more or less nice 

21. What are you bad habits? Eating food all the time, scratching at my skin, keeping in my emotions

22. Where would you like to travel? The uk! 

23. Do you have trust issues? Yes and no. I trust too easily but at the same time I have a hard time trusting at all 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My chest/weight

26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone for the time

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker 

28. Who are you most comfortable around? My friend Ridge I think? I’m awkward around him once again bc i’ve been out of contact with him for a while and only recently got back to talking to him, otherwise i’ve become really uncomfortable socially around people

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Not yet. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? Some day

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Nah not anymore

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Good question?? I’m not too into sex?? and I can’t remember/don’t know names very well. 

33. Spell your name with your chin. Nah fam

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I used to do Tae Kwon Do, but not for awhile 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Tv probably. 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Probably? Not sure?? 

37. What do you say during awkward silences? So... 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? A nerd, a nerd in shows, video games, movies etc, soft features, cuddly and understanding of emotions, someone a bit taller than me, someone who understands that I get anxious quite easily and wont force me to do things that make me uncomfy.  

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Hottopic, Spencers, JC Penny, Michaels, idk I don’t shop that often. 

40. What do you want to do after high school? Get my two year degree, get a job in that process, move out. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I do, but I give a billion chances when I shouldn’t. 

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m overthinking, i’m doing art, listening to music, i’m angry. 

43. Do you smile at strangers? I do. 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Ocean 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? The fear of my parents checking on me, thus seeing my disaster of a room and then being like, get yo room clean, no pc til room clean, and the possibility of being teased at/ told off for sleeping so much.. 

46. What are you paranoid about? Everything tbh.. like fuck.. It makes things hard and it makes some friends disappointed bc I can be super fucking paranoid. 

47. Have you ever been high? Yep. 

48. Have you ever been drunk? Not yet

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? I don’t know.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Dark blue 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yea 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My weight 

53. Favourite makeup brand? Idk 

54. Favourite store? Spencers 

55. Favourite blog? Idk 

56. Favourite colour? Dark Navy Blue 

57. Favourite food? A good question 

58. Last thing you ate? Cheese cake 

59. First thing you ate this morning? Cheesecake 

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I don’t think so 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Not yet 

62. Been arrested? For what? Haha no 

63. Ever been in love? I don’t know.. My last relationship was long distance and I started feeling nothing, kind of numb towards my ex, even when I went to see her it was sort of there sort of not.. So I don’t think so. 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? My ex got on the couch to be taller than me and we kissed. 

65. Are you hungry right now? No

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Idk 

67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook  

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr 

69. Are you watching tv right now? No 

70. Names of your bestfriends? I don’t know who my bestfriends are anymore because of the stupidity thats fucking ruined my life for the past year. Theres on person, her name is Kaylee 

71. Craving something? What? Cuddles :( 

72. What colour are your towels? Creme-coloured 

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 6? 

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes 

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? On my bed, there’s 5, in general thats a good question 

75. Favourite animal? Owls 

76. What colour is your underwear? Blue plaid 

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Green Tea 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Blue gray? 

80. What colour pants? Blue 

81. Favourite tv show? Lucifer or spn 

82. Favourite movie? Spirited Away 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Nemo 

87. First person you talked to today? My mom  

88. Last person you talked to today? Dunno yet 

89. Name a person you hate? Me, myself, and I, kind of jking, I don’t really HATE anyone?  

90. Name a person you love? A good question 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Nah 

92. In a fight with someone? Not at the moment 

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 1 

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 3? 

95. Last movie you watched? The Mummy 

96. Favourite actress? Idk 

97. Favourite actor? Idk 

98. Do you tan a lot? If I try to tan I have to burn my pale pale bod 

99. Have any pets? Yes 

100. How are you feeling? I’ve been better, def been worse. 

101. Do you type fast? I’d like to think so 

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yea.. 

103. Can you spell well? More or less, when I care to pay attention 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes? 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yea 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? probably 

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yea 

108. What should you be doing? nothing really 

109. Is something irritating you right now? yes 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? no 

111. Do you have trust issues? I answered this earlier 

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? sort of my sister? like I walked past her crying 

113. What was your childhood nickname? Randaloo 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? I’ve been to different states

115. Do you play the Wii? Sometimes 

116. Are you listening to music right now? Yes 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Eh 

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes 

119. Favourite book? Merry Christmas Alex Cross By James Patterson 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yes 

121. Are you mean? I don’t know, probably to some people.. 

122. Is cheating ever okay? No 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? maybe 

125. Do you believe in true love? i’d like to hope so 

126. Are you currently bored? always 

127. What makes you happy? bouldering, going out and hanging with friends, DOING something anything. 

128. Would you change your name? I sure plan on it. 

129. What your zodiac sign? Cancer 

130. Do you like subway? Yes 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Sister-zone her. 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I answered this already 

133. Favourite lyrics right now?  

“I'm holding on Why is everything so heavy? Holding on So much more than I can carry I keep dragging around what's bringing me down If I just let go, I'd be set free Holding on Why is everything so heavy? ” Heavy by Linkin Park 

134. Can you count to one million? No 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? The lunch I had earlier I gave to my friend bc she didn’t have one. fml lol 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed 

137. How tall are you? 5′7 

138. Curly or Straight hair? I have curly hair 

139. Brunette or Blonde? Both 

140. Summer or Winter? Winter 

141. Night or Day? Night 

142. Favourite month? December 

143. Are you a vegetarian? Working on it 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk 

145. Tea or Coffee? Both 

146. Was today a good day? I guess 

147. Mars or Snickers? Mars 

148. What’s your favourite quote? 

“I’m still figuring out who I am, but I know I’m not who I was” ~Brendon Urie 

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “You take off your belt. And it happens again.”

That sounds bad out of context but its not a sexual book at all.