#jolly the space pimp

[wayward-persephone]

(I had this posted on a dummy account on AO3, but decided it fit Jolly way better so I re-worked it re-wrote half of it and decided to post it here. I hope you all like it! 😊)

(Inspired by this post)

You didn’t know how long you had been sitting here, your thoughts warm and sluggish, and you blinked rapidly to try and focus on your surroundings with more effort that left you feeling even more drained.

There were groups of people all sitting on plush pillows in the VIP section, huddled close and laughing together, with what appeared to be large ornate hookahs dotted in the middle of each group that released smoke that constantly changed colors. The room was hazy with thick smoke, the faint smell of wildflowers permeating the air, and your body felt like it was submersed in warm water.

You blinked down at your body curiously and remembered suddenly how you got there.

A man known as Jolly had invited you up to the private area when he spotted you strolling with your friends through Pleasure Alley and, as his ‘special guest’ that was being doted on while your friends were left in the group of nameless faces below as his so-called "after party" raged on, you had no choice but to follow his every whim.

The man in question was sitting in the large plush chaise lounge next to you, body stretched out into relaxed sprawl, and one of his arms was wrapped around your shoulders almost possessively if it didn't look so casual. You were nearly in his lap, splayed limply over his chest playing lazily with his many necklaces, and you almost lost track of time again at the feel of his warm fingers trailing over your bare shoulder. You were confused for a fleeting moment, but then realized what you were wearing.

The bright shimmery gold outfit consisted of a bikini style top that left little to the imagination and a skirt that sat low on your hips with a slit up both sides that didn’t stop until it nearly reached the thin waistband of the skirt. You had to be careful when you moved because you had decided against undergarments in a spur of the moment fueled by squeals of encouragements from your friends that you now regretted. You shifted, sitting up lightly to try and get yourself to focus, and you felt Jolly hum at your movement.

“What’s wrong, sugar?” he murmured, reaching over to grip your jaw loosely with beringed fingers, and you looked over at him quizzically.

His bright blue eyes seemed to glitter in the neon lights, a soft crooked smile on his lips, and you felt yourself smiling at him in return.

“Here,” he said, offering you the long thin golden pipe you had been sharing with him earlier, and you weakly swatted it away while wrinkling your nose.

You seem to dimly realize that you were supposed to be on edge, that you were supposed to be wary of the man and the fact that you hardly knew him, but you felt too relaxed and warm to think of why you were supposed to be worried.

“Allow me,” he said softly, sticking the pipe between his lips, before moving it away and pulling you closer by the hand still cupping your face.

He stopped once your lips brushed together, not kissing but pressed together just as closely, and he blew the smoke into your mouth gently. You instantly inhaled, the bright orange smoke tasting of something sharp yet sweet, with a hint of fresh citrus maybe, and you felt your body once more relax against him as warmth churned through you like warm molasses. He didn’t move away once the smoke dissipated, allowing you to nuzzle against his mouth lazily as you enjoyed the way his warm skin tingled against yours, and his laugh was nothing but a low delighted rumble at your antics. He leaned back, letting you move and shift over him until you were nearly straddling him, and you kept rubbing your face against his stubbled jaw like a cat. Each time you brushed against him it was like tiny fireworks going off underneath your skin and you sighed pleasantly when he began stroking his fingers over your cheek. His warm fingers brushed over your parted lips, making you nip at the digits playfully albeit sluggishly, and he hummed again.

“You’re just gorgeous, you know that?” he murmured, seemingly content with letting you nibble on his fingers, and the taste of his skin had you moving closer with a shiver.

“More?” he asked, cupping your jaw again, and you nodded your head after a few moments of you nuzzling into his palm.

This time, when he blew the smoke into your mouth, the taste of the new vibrant magenta smoke had you licking at his lips in wonder.

“You taste…sweet,” you whispered, pulling back to stare at him curiously, and his eyes were dark as he looked at you.

“I wonder if you taste as sweet as you look,” he said, making you frown in thought, before you were once again tugged forward by the hand gripping your jaw.

His tongue swept into your mouth followed by a new wave of the pink smoke. The warmth in your veins turned molten, every nerve ending tingling, and you suddenly ached between your thighs at the feel of his lips underneath yours.

You shifted, trying to ease the pressure, and you whined into his mouth.

“Sweet…just like I thought,” he said softly once he pulled back, trailing kisses over your cheek and throat, and you tilted your head back to give him better access.

It felt good to have his lips on you, his hot tongue trailing over your fluttering pulse languidly, and you dimly noticed that he was slowly pushing you to lay flat on your back on the chaise lounge. He kept mouthing at you once you were on your back, his body nestling between your legs, and you sluggishly tried to hook them around his hips. You lost the energy midway and let them flop open with a sigh. Then, you felt a rush of cool air on your breasts, and you looked down to see Jolly slipping your top off your body.

“You have such lovely breasts…it’s just a shame to keep the covered, Pussy Cat” he cooed while leaning down to pepper kisses over your sternum.

You watched him curiously, idly pushing his hat off to pet at his hair which made him hum in approval, and he moved up to nuzzle against your breasts. Without warning, he dragged his tongue over your nipple, and you flopped your head back with a small grunt. He lapped at you, making you shiver with each drag of his hot tongue, and then he sucked at the sensitive tip. He groaned, suckling harder at you until you were gasping, then he moved to your other breast. It got the same treatment and you began rocking your hips to try and dispel the growing pressure there. His lips then moved to kiss over your abdomen, tongue tracing random patterns that suspiciously felt like his name while his teeth left indentations on your skin when you shifted at the ticklish sensations, and you felt his hands slip between your legs to knead at your thighs. Jolly then pushed your skirt out of the way, leaving you completely on display, and he purred while nibbling on your outer thigh.

“Wait…they’re watching,” you muttered in complaint, weakly tugging on his shoulders as you realized that you both were still in public, and he made a happy noise in the back of his throat.

“Let them watch, baby…let them see how beautiful you are,” he purred against your skin.

You shivered at his voice, low and drawling, and you felt your heart lurch in your chest at his compliment. You had only known this man for a few hours, ‘or has it been days?’ you wondered sluggishly, and you were already growing addicted to his easy affection. The smoke you had been puffing on for hours was making your head spin, making every nerve light up at the slightest touch, and the feel of his warm skin against your own was making you needy. You reached up to gingerly cup your breasts, sighing softly at the memory of his mouth on you, and you felt him grin against your lower abdomen.

“Want me to take care of you, Pussy cat?” he whispered, moving to nibble on your inner thigh, and your breath left you on a sharp exhale.

Your head was nodding before you even realized it and he just chuckled lowly. He easily spread your thighs wider as he settled between them more comfortably and you made a small noise of protest at being so exposed even as you tried to make more room for him. Then, he licked a slow broad stripe up the center of your aching cunt, and you gasped sharply. He growled, dipping his head down back down to your weeping slit, and began licking at you with a single minded purpose that left you utterly breathless. He swirled his tongue over your clit, suckling softly at you until your hips jerked up towards his mouth, and then he ducked his head lower to lap at your hole. His hands gripped your thighs tightly when you tried to snap them close instinctively, your sluggish thoughts racing as your heart pounded in your chest as pleasure coiled hot and intense in your pelvis, and you whined loudly as your hands shot down to fist in his soft hair. He darted his tongue inside you, making a sound somewhere between a purr and a growl as you wailed his name, as he began fucking into your core with his tongue.

You tried twisting your hips away from the overwhelming sensations, making him pinch the sensitive skin of your thigh in warning, and you cried out while trying to dutifully spread your legs wider. Long fingers suddenly drifted over you, rubbing in tight firm circles over your swollen clit that matched the quick rhythm of his tongue, and you shuddered hard through your sudden orgasm.

Your hips jerked and rocked, hands pulling on his hair, and you gasped and choked out his name as he licked you through your orgasm and then didn’t stop.

He alternated between lapping at your oversensitive clit and fucking into your throbbing entrance with broad flicks of his hot tongue and your second orgasm rushed over you before your body even stopped shivering from the first. His focus was intense, hands bruising against your skin to hold you down, and your breath was leaving you on short sharp pants as your orgasm finally subsided leaving you utterly boneless. You were crying, you realized, tears slipping past your tightly shut eyes, and you felt him pull away with one last lingering lick. He kissed his way up your body, nipping playfully at your sensitive nipples in passing, and his hand gripped your jaw and tilted your head to the side.

“Look,” he murmured in your ear and, helpless to do anything but obey, your eyes fluttered open.

Everyone around you was having sex. Different rhythms and positions, in groups or in twos, but there were all having sex. It was almost like a dream with the room filled with hazy thick smoke and the sounds of moans echoing through the air.

Then, without warning, you felt Jolly pushing inside you.

He was thick and hot, searing against your oversensitive body, and you sobbed at the tight stretch of your cunt struggling to accommodate him. He bottomed out with a deep satisfied groan, snapping his hips sharply against you without giving you a chance to adjust, and he breathed in your ear.

“I think I’m gonna like having you around, Pussy Cat.”

[septirgo]

GIF PACK OF JOLLY THE PIMP

I absolutely love Ethan Hawke as Jolly The Pimp in the movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Credit me if ever used @septirgo

I wish people could make fanfics, if ever, please tag me 🥺🫶🏾❤️

[mandowifey]

she/her

hobbies:drawing somtimes ,making bracelets and thinking about dick loudly in silence

EEBY DEEBY

Since you dm'ed me, I know its you @ethanhoewke . You're lucky I like you 😏

I assign you; Jolly the Space Pimp

Notes: This is SFW but does contain strong language, alcohol, and drug consumption, allusions to sex work, and mentions of other naughty things. This has not been proofed.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

The smell of smoke and body odor permeated the air. Too many bodies trying to squeeze along the narrow walkways between locations, suffocating you as you fought to head in the opposite direction. When a friend of yours mentioned Alpha being compact and teeming with traffic, you hadn't quite imagined this.

"Watch where you're going!"

"Hey!"

"My tail!"

The number of times you had hastily muttered an apology made you realize there were only so many ways to say 'my bad'. Still, you pressed, determined to get to the address that had been sloppily scrawled across a piece of paper. Clutching it in your right hand, you shoulder through an alien shaped like a giant blue pear and receive a string of foreign curses in retaliation.

A bright pink neon sign that reads 'Glam Club' tells you that you've made it. Here, the space is wider with more room to breathe. You glance around, taking note of the lovely women trying to coerce patrons inside. The bouncers standing broad and intimidating at the entryway caught your lingering stare.

"Heya sport! Lookin' for somethin' particular?"

The voice made you jump and yelp, your head on a swivel as you twirled.

Standing before you was a flamboyantly dressed man wearing a cowboy hat and mixed clothing that looked thrifted. If it weren't for the neon implanted along the lapels of the jacket, you would've taken notice of his other equally confusing attire. You blink, concluding that this man was a human facsimile of a peacock.

"I'm actually here for a job."

His lips twitch before he blatantly looks you up and down, his brows lifting. The garishly clad man smiles again, flashing charmingly uneven teeth.

"Well, why don't you come with me and we'll talk more about that? I'm the owner of this fine little establishment. You can call me Jolly."

Jolly spoke with the tone of someone who knew they had your ear. Before you could utter a single syllable you felt an arm behind your back and a hand touch your ribs just below your breast. Your mouth hung open as Jolly led you along.

The Glam Club's exterior made you believe the inside would match; grimy and industrial with ample flashing neon signs. You were surprised as you transitioned through the strings of beads in the doorway. From the two minutes you had known Jolly, you understood the luxurious decorations. Beautifully strung curtains, a chandelier with dazzling gems, and a well-polished floor void of any scuff marks.

Jolly could see your surprise and he mirrors your expression, his beryl orbs gleaming with pride. "You weren't expecting that, were yah kid?"

When his voice lilted, you blushed and inclined your head. "No, from what my friend told me, they didn't mention the interior being like a grand hall." That pulled a sharp laugh from the other man, and he bounced on his feet as the two of you moved to the couch and sat.

"Alright, I figure we can jump right into the audition. Show me what you got." He clapped his hands and leaned back with his knees stretched apart. The grin on his face stretched wider as he realized how red you were turning. "You need music? I can turn on music, do you like pop? Synth?" He began to prattle off different genres so fast your head spun.

"No-!" It came out harder and louder than you intended. Your eyes had been drawn to the comfortable space of his lap and knew exactly why he thought you had shown up. "What I mean is, I'm not here for that kind of position." Jolly's face dropped, and he let out an incredulous laugh, he didn't like being caught off guard.

You open your bag and produce a holo-pad that had your resume and information on it. Jolly took it when you offered and frowned as he thumbed along. "Musician?" He chirped and chuckled. "With looks like yours? Are you pulling my leg?" He broke into another wide grin before returning the tablet to you.

Cheeks bright red, you feel heat in your ears and nod at his question. "Yep! I can show you, if you'd like?" Your eyes drift to the grand piano and then back towards the club owner.

Jolly motioned with his hand, granting your wish.

Quickly, you stand and hurry to sit down. Once comfortable, you touch a couple of keys to produce test notes before you begin to play. It came naturally to you, understanding rythym and how to form a melody. Your fingers fly along the board, nimbly working the song and even humming in the back of your throat.

The man behind you laughs raucously and claps his large hands together, delighted. "Woowee kiddo! That's incredible!" He stood and crossed the room to you. "Beautiful and talented. What a lucky man I am." His voice dropped to a sultry purr.

Jolly leans against the piano in your line of sight and smiles again. You were red from top to bottom, and he was drinking you in. "I can start you off on the piano, but I think you should keep your options open." He drummed his fingers along the top and looks at you again, smiling. "How does that sound?"

When you arrived on Alpha, there hadn't been as much opportunity as you hoped for. This was your one chance to make things work, and even though you felt this man wanted to devour every inch of your body, you needed the job. Your hand moves from the piano and gently takes his, squeezing tightly as he grins impishly down at you.

"Good choice."

[secretsandwriting]

Come on Darling

A little mafia leader Noah drabble because @/starsomens and their anons were talking about it a while ago and it made my mafia au come back with vengeance so I wrote the first part of it. I haven't read it over to check for mistakes so who knows whats going on.

WARNINGS: minor character death, violence, descriptions of flesh in hair, vomiting. the reader has basically been kidnapped and is being threatened half the time, prostitution.

Part Two

The arm of the rich man who had hired you for the event was tight on your waist. You tried to ignore the pain and the look in his eyes when he glanced at you. You knew how this thing would go, it was always the worst but your pimp had sent you with the highest bidder. Overall you would be making $1,000 a day, your pimp a little more. 

You heard gasps and whispers behind you. “Bad Omens is here” “what are they doing here?” “We need to leave immediately!” The arm of the man around you tightened even more, you couldn’t hold in your wince, you could only hope that the man didn’t see it.

A gunshot rang through the room, something warm splattered on the side left side of your face and the man holding onto you dropped to the ground. Before you could move, someone else grabbed onto you and you found yourself being pulled back into someone, their grip was gentle and would be comforting if it weren’t for the body on the ground next to you. A large hand cupped your cheek and turned your head away from the man on the floor.

“Have her things sent to my room.” You really didn’t want to, really really didn’t want to but you also didn’t want to end up shot and on the ground.

“Yes sir. Here are your keys.” A tattooed hand took the keys offered towards you and you watched in horror as keys were handed to Nicholas Ruffilo, Jolly Karlsson, and Nick Folio. Noah Sebastian, a man known for being absolutely ruthless. A man who only cared about himself and the other three heads of Bad Omens. He had been known to get rid of lower members of the mafia if he thought they weren’t good enough. 

Noah Sebastian’s arm was wrapped around your waist and he was right behind you. You could feel his chest move with his breathing against your back. You were dead. This was worse than your previous worst case scenario.

“Come on Darling, let's get that bastard's blood cleaned off of you.” You were gently pulled away from the front desk and led to the elevator. You could hear the other three around you, sometimes you could see them in the corner of your eye. The elevator opened, the floor was pushed, and the doors closed. Trapping you in a confined space with four extremely dangerous men.

“I know we wanted him dead, but was the lobby of a nice hotel with a girl right next to him really the best place to shoot the guy?” 

“According to your tone, I’m assuming you want the answer to be no.” 

“I just figured he wanted the girl for information.” This was just getting worse by the second. The doors slid open and you were once again led away. “Let us know if you need help getting info.” The others went to their rooms and you were led to another, Noah opening the door and ushering you in before locking it behind you. 

“Go to the bathroom. I’ll be there in a minute.” You were spun around, he gripped your chin forcing you to look up at him. “Don’t do anything stupid. I’m not against shooting you.” The second he let you go, you rushed to the bathroom. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you inspected the blood spattered across your skin and hair. There were chunks of flesh in your hair. You rushed to the toilet, the contents of your stomach coming back up. 

Once you had successfully removed everything from your stomach, you rested your head against your arm, trying to catch your breath. You could feel eyes on you, meaning Noah must have come. You didn’t move from your spot on the floor, giving yourself some time to breathe. 

“Strip.” Noah moved past you to the shower, the one word was the only thing said. While you stripped, Noah turned on the shower and seemed to adjust it. When he deemed it ready, you were ushered in and instructed to sit on the shower stool facing away from the water and towards him.

He grabbed the shower head and pulled it down, hot water ran through your hair. You could hear some of the chunks landing on the ground. The sound making you feel sick again.

“Alec’s your pimp, right?.” You nodded. “What do you know about his business?” 

“He gets more than half of what my clients pay me, the percentage depends on how well he thinks I did.” Noah paused, before putting the shower head back and grabbing a bottle off the shelf. He moved behind you, it wasn’t much longer until you felt the shampoo being scrubbed through your hair.

“Let me rephrase myself, What do you know about his other business?” The hands in your hair tightened, a threat.

“Just rumors some of the other girls talked about.” Noah hummed before having you explain everything you had heard, all the rumors, what you had seen and heard.

“Alright. Dry off, I’ll get you one of my shirts to wear and tomorrow we’ll go shopping and get you some things. You’ll need it since you won’t be leaving my side until this is over.”

[linuxgamenews]

Two Point Campus update rings in the festive season

Winter update is available for the Two Point Campus simulation game for Linux, Mac, and Windows PC. Which is the result of the festive efforts of developer Two Point Studios. The game is available on both Steam and Humble Store. Every student loves a snow day. Already under way, Two Point Campus offers a free Winter update. While sprinkling a fresh coat of powder over everything. Also decking the lecture halls, and gifting new in-game items, costumes, and much more. Players can now decorate their campuses with a whole host of yuletide treats. Such as Christmas trees, stockings, fairy lights, and even Santa’s sleigh. Which also comes complete with the reindeer team in the Winter update. If that wasn’t enough, players can dress up their faculty and friends in Santa suits. Or if you prefer, elf outfits, giant snowman heads, or Krampus'...fur. Speaking of Krampus, the dastardly fiend has arrived in Two Point County to wreak havoc on your holidays. In the Winter update a new Challenge Mode level “Two Point Krampus” sees you defending your students from this festive spirit sapping menace. Doing so by keeping holiday cheer levels (and funds) as high as possible.

Winter update Trailer | Two Point Campus

And that’s not the only test players will face in the Winter update. If the community manages to collectively raise $1 billion in-game dollars in this new level, they’ll unlock a cool secret holly jolly item. Two Point Studios will be keeping track of the community’s shared progress on the game’s main menu. Best of all, even if you’re too busy to celebrate the season, all items, costumes, and the challenge mode level will remain after the event period. All your festive Winter update items even work in Two Point Campus Space Academy DLC. Which is available on both Steam and Humble Store. Priced at $9.99 USD / £8.99 / 9,99€. Two Point Campus is a charming university management simulator. One that tasks players with building and running the university campus of their dreams. From designing stylish dormitories to laying down ornamental pathways and gardens. Players are given the freedom to pimp their Campus with new and easy to use creative tools. All due to build their own educational masterpiece. Winter update for Two Point Campus is available now on both Steam and Humble Store. Priced at $39.99 USD / £34.99 / 39,99€. Along with support for Linux, Mac, and Windows PC. Which is also Steam Deck Verified.

[oceluna]

‘‘Let’s not talk about business can we? Let’s talk pleasure..’‘

[el-cheung]

[ton-e]

Helheim is a land of peace.

The layers of agonized wails and woeful imploring she prepared her ears for was lost in the breeze of the melancholic melody of nature. Naked humming voices flowed serenely amidst the gradient of indigo blue leaves, dry and wrinkly, singing the ballads of lost souls attached to skinny tree branches, rinsed of color at the roots, blending smoothly with the pale greenery surrounding the wide meadow that grew to be her most favored solace.

Flowers, prey to decaying, small in stature but mighty in resistance, veiled the piece of soil that parted the center of the dark Kingdom in two, catching vines in the heart core of the spot her beloved boy once clawed his way to freedom, from a grave that came too early for a boy too gentle, too youthful, too much of a man before his time.

Her ghost Prince, her youngest; Stolen and crowned the King of Death, with a rain of tears on his cheeks and a cloak of swords in his back.

'Crowned, ' she spits, imagining it rippling through the dead earth and fell right onto Borr's bald head. Time failed to sweeten her bitterness as she thought, yes, this is how their history beautified the terrible incident. Time didn't heal her pain, neither did it gentled the sharpness of her teeth.

They had deceived him, betrayed him, punished him, stole his life away, and called it a reward.

After that dreadful day, She spent more nights weeping to slumber, eyes buried in the cushions of Hel's frigid chambers, burning brighter, hotter, than the hard oak feeding red-orange flames in the fireplace of her bedroom.

The phantom ice caressing the silver of her skin was more comfort than suffering, painless mercy she sunk into little by little every day until the light of day became unfamiliar. The cold here shares that quality, she ponders, a soft touch of unburnt ice to keep you from perishing.

Its a lot like her son, she thinks.

Yet, Bestla doesn't feel its presence permanently. A long, stone shaded cloak fell upon her shoulders, showering her back in a misty warmth provided by the thick velvet of the garment. Her eyes observe a silhouette shadowing the pale sun, the single leak of blight light hanging above the smoke sky.

"I was hoping to find you here, " Estrid wears a smile radiant enough to pale all gold in the 9 realms. "Peaceful up here, is it not? Hel liked hiding here, as a boy. Said the breeze was nice."

Bestla, for a moment, allows her eye to inspect the other woman for the first time. Her shoulders are round and solid, strong as a soldier, complemented by the stunning danger of a shieldmaiden. Bestla tracks night-dark locks brushing over creamy skin, long and curly. She's as much warrior as she is woman, it's as if she only now observes.

Her arms are an impressive addition, boxy as much as lean, holding closely on her shield and sword. A sword that, doubtlessly, claimed a long string of lives. She's not as fearful as it would be wiser to be. Estrid has been nothing but pleasant, as much as one could be when encountering their circumstance, her presence never frightening her as much as it saddened her.

"For someone carrying such heavy armor, you move with great stealth, Lady Sigurdsson, " If the other woman peaked at the too feather-soft timber of her voice, she had enough cheek to act differently. " I suppose you'd want an explanation as to why I'm avoiding my son?"

" Forgive me, your Grace, but Lord Hellison was never included in the conversation, " Bestla thought she spotted a bloom of red dusting her cheeks as she grinned gently, taking a spot none to tight to the former Queen, but close enough to leave some space had the smaller woman want to fill it. "I thought you would, after..."

"...It's unwise to polish hard truths. They cut harder that way, " The Queen's words were dressed in both honesty and advice, chapters of her life unfolding beneath her eyes as if to pledge truth to the statement. Estrid studied each word with expert attention.

Bestla raises, arms guarding her middle, eyes cast over the sea of flowers beneath her shoes.

"I'm grateful, for the kindness you showed him. I remain in your debt, in fact, though it escapes me how I can repay you here. "

"We don't believe in paying kindness, in the North. Goodness isn't traded in gold, " a quiet chuckle is swept by the breeze slashing through the grand mountains. Estrid inhales deeply and opens her arms when she lets her body fall upon the grass. "If it was, don't you think more people would practice it?"

The southerner's lips lift in a one-sided smile of her own, private and discreet. Debtless favors certainly sounded sweet to the ear.

" Aesir aren't precisely renewed for our gentle hearts, so I suppose not. I still mourn the stress you must have endured, however. Children are far from being a jolly affair. And the tales we hear as children don't exactly portray Titans as loving parents."

A stratum of blank seriousness shaped Estrid's features, graveness resting heavily on sharp boned cheeks and warm brown eyes. " I fell in love a day after meeting him, " Bestla swallowed hard at the admission. " I knew him for less than a sundown, but I knew he was mine. I was dead, alone and helpless and afraid, and he was too much like me to be a fateless coincidence. Words aren't enough to express it. He was just...Meant to fall, and I to catch him. "

The leafs sang to fill the edged hush musking around them. Estrid pimped the other's empty breathing as anger, for she heaved a sigh long enough to match the twin lack of words on both their parts, and excused her nerve. " Apologies. I don't dare name myself a mother, nor do I starve for anyone's approval, least of all yours. I only wished to say you raised a good son. A son lucky to have a mother like you, for as long as he did."

"...You helped him," Bestla started, chest light and comfortable, not cutting blades piercing her skin as she expected. "Kept food in his mouth, put clothes on his back. You loved him truthfully and protected him fiercely. You're not any less his mother than I."

"...It must be a sour thin all the same, for someone so beloved to greet you as a stranger. For that, I can't help but feel sorry still."

" That's a sentiment we can share. He... Hel, my child, my youngest son. Born at the edge of two worlds that never loved him. They aren't my own, not my blood, not him neither Odin, my kind hearted prince, my little lion boy. And yet, I was not their mother for the simple reason they didnt come from me. Everyone told me so.

They weren't my own, yet I held them at my chest, kissed their skinned knees and elbows, wiped their tears, and chased sickness with handpicked herbs and wet rags because I trusted nobody to do so. No language is enough to describe the love a mother has for their children.

No tongue is enough to put my love in words."

"...Even for Balder?"

Bestla laughs, an odde of heartache and sorrow. " Even him. Love gives no choices, last of all to parents. I still remember the day of his birth. A terrible storm broke the skies that evening, set fire to five houses, left a month's worth of reparations behind. He struggled, I've been told. He kicked and wailed and fought all the way.

I haven't had the chance to even hold him in my arms and he was so eager to run from me. My eyes never saw something more perfect than his tiny ears, his adorable little hands, and feet, his honey hair. He looked so much like me I hardly believed it.

But I felt no different with his brothers. There was a sickness in my mouth, when they were babes and I was forced to be departed from them. I couldn't bear to see them in another's arms, a wet nurse, or a squire, when asked to trust anyone else with them, I was faithless.

When Hel was born, he couldn't be convinced to let me go. He was so quiet, I thought perhaps this world claimed him already. His mother drew her last breath on that bed and I was the one he clung to, the one he hooked his fingers into. One of the King's guards present, he tried to prey him away, do you want to know what I did? I unsheathed a dagger from my thigh, slashed his throat, and watched him die." The confession was a river she scalded into freely.

"Would I insult your intelligence by asking if you're familiar with Sandr?" Bestla asked once Estrid wordlessly raised on her feet. She felt enough security to push her body forward. " Titans held mighty battles there."

A smirk pinched the taller woman's lips. " We were rowdy children, I'll confess. But yes, I know the location. You rebuild beautifully, " dark eyes shaped the bronze scorpio pendant suspended in the middle of Bestla's long neck. " Your family picked a Scorpio as their sigil. They made a fine legacy."

" Oh, it was. The finest. Beautiful, skillful, and yet, terribly lonely. I had 10 siblings. 5 brothers and sisters, however, I confess I felt more like an accessory than a member of a clan. We were strangers to each other. Foreigners with the same name, with our only common factor being our house.

Our country was gorgeous but very poor, you see. We trusted nobody, and in return, our distrust was repaid with hostility. Eventually, when our skin touched bone and we ran out of livestock, we opened the gates to trade. Naturally, we were invaded, our lands stolen, our necks had shackles only we could see.

And I held the key for everyone.

I want you to picture the most powerful man in the world, asking me to marry him," a bitter laughs cracks in her throat, and the wind whips away the water from her eyes. " He had a crown on his head and 50 thousand banner men behind him, with more gold than he could ever need or deserve and 100,000 spikes for our heads alone. What else could I have said?"

Her legs shift, stepping closer to Estrid, eyes as flat as her tone. " What I did, I did because I had to. To defend my people. To defend my family. To defend my blood. Every sacrifice, every drop of blood I've spilled, I did it so the people I love could live the peace I never did."

She advances, every step that's forward to her is one back for Estrid, eyes concentrated intensely on one another with enough fire to make Fire Giants sweat.

"All the sins that I have done. Or had done at my orders? The truths my children don't know, the truths a narrow number of people lived to keep the secret. The kind vicious enough to make fine warriors as yourself lose sleep, if they came to know them.

Perhaps this is my justice. A punishment for survival in a world where living is no bed of roses. But I won't stop helping my children, heart beating or otherwise.

There's a storm coming, My Lady. And I have every intention of ensuring everyone walks dry."

[wayward-persephone]

Heyy so um my brain went brrrr

Which characters would have a lactation kink, I mean like full-on sucking the tit- (besides grabber cuz that man is horny)

Ethan Hawke makes my brain go brrrr on the daily 😩👌

I totally agree that Al would be on this list because he is always horny and there are a few other I think would enjoy it, but the ones who would LOVE it...I would pick....

Arthur Harrow

This man literally worships the ground you walk on. He would absolutely worship your breasts and would press featherlight kisses over them before sucking on your nipples. Relishing in your taste. All while whispering in between licks and suckles how much he adores you and how much you mean to him.

Ernst Toller

Same as Arthur as in he would worship you. Would literally spend hours kissing and licking and sucking and nibbling every inch of skin he can find if you let him. There is something so intimate about letting him drink from you and nothing gets him harder faster imo

Jolly

He's a menace and would pull down your top in front of everybody if he felt the urge. Jolly has done everything and seen everything at least once so nothing surprises him and he would absolutely be the one to bring up lactation play. He's a deviant at heart.

Russell Millings

Probably discovered it by accident, but quickly grew addicted. Finds it intimate and loves how much you too have grown as a couple together since discovering this kink. Will let you make the first move since he never wants to pressure you, however, you will wake up to his head underneath your shirt some mornings.

[gizkasparadise]

Wait I was planning on watching Valerian but now I'm on the fence lol. Can you give us a couple of details on why it was so bad?

phew, okay here’s what i most hated about it. this is going to have some spoilers just as a head’s up:

-terrible dialogue (worse than star wars prequels dialogue. much worse)

-bad casting all around with the main characters, but especially for the lead dude

-the lead dude was so. unlikeable. and inconsistent? one minute he’s a self-described bad boy (UGH) the next he’s saying he ONLY FOLLOWS THE RULES like his characterization is allllllllll over the place and makes no sense

-they walk past a literal wall of his sexual conquests called the playlist

-zero chemistry and some of the worst relationship building i’ve ever seen. at some points me and my friends were literally cringing

-some of the grossest, sexist sci fi tropes ever including, of course, a space red light district complete with a pimp named jolly and an alien space babe dancer (named bubbles) who SPOILER gets killed off about 20 minutes after being introduced and killed by falling debris no less

-jokes about the lead dude being “inside a woman” and therefore knows what women want because he wears bubbles as a disguise (look.)

-so much like. Clearly Going for Whedon But Not Even Good Enough To Be Whedon-y Strong Female Charactering (complete with the female lead wearing a tattered wedding dress with combat boots for about ½ hour of the movie #symbolism). 

god there was so much wrong with the lady lead character. the movie opens with her getting pretty much tossed around while wearing a bikini. then a literal bus of their fellow soldiers/operatives die on a mission with them and she complains about her dress being ripped. she goes from only caring! about! the mission!! to being upset that the lead dude doesn’t want to commit to a relationship. SHE SAYS THANK YOU TO THE LEAD FOR BEING PERMITTED TO DO SOMETHING THAT WAS 80000% IN HER POWER TO DO WITHOUT HIM!?!? SHE GETS MANSPLAINED WHAT THANK YOU MEANS?!

ugh. it’s bad, dude. it’s worse than jurassic world bad.

and i wanted to like this movie because i was so in the mood for campy sci fi fun. and in valerian’s defense, the special effects/visuals/and world are so cool. but the characters and dialogue were completely irredeemable to me

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets or Chatbot’s Scriptwriting Debut

Credit where credit’s due, Luc Besson knows how to make a good looking film. Also, this was the first film I saw in 4DX and it was a cracking choice - the anti-gravity and space battles were undeniably just pure fun. Unfortunately however, we don’t seem to have come far from a sami-naked, love-struck Leeloo. Admittedly, no one was actually wearing bandages as an outfit, but some of the costumes weren’t much better and the female characters’ motives were just as unfathomable. Last whinge before we get stuck in, the script was incomprehensible  - I felt like I was watching a film written by a Turing Test; nobody’s conversations made any sense and the reasoning behind what they were doing or saying often seemed nonsensical.

*Valerian spoilers follow*

The main female character is Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevigne) and pretty much the first we see of her is her bikini-clad backside astride Major Valerian (Dane DeHaan) in a weird sexy wrestling match, in which he aggressively asserts, “you’re attracted to me.” A very stressful scene of him doggedly chatting her up follows, which set the tone of their relationship for the rest of the film. I couldn’t have told you if they were a couple or not, their interactions were so fraught, confusing and confrontational. The only time they made sense was, tragically, when Valerian was asserting his dominance; “you stay on back up, I’ll take the front line”, or giving his permission; “all right, give it to them” - like all the decisions are up to him and they’re not a team. Although this is reinforced once again and arguably unnecessarily through his higher military rank.

Equally unfortunately but on the opposite end of the spectrum, the parts of Laureline’s script that actually make sense are derogatory female stereotypes such as, “he ruined my dress”, “I have to take you shopping with me” and, perhaps worst of all, “pretty butterfly” as she follows a small, glowing creature and is immediately captured. Which highlights another theme of this film; women being knocked out. What message is that sending out, that women are easier to handle when they’re unconscious?

This power dichotomy and gender disparity is further reinforced through costume, the main offender being what I assume was their standard military uniform. The top halves were fairly egalitarian but where Valerian had pragmatic trousers, Laureline had a khaki miniskirt like she was from an early 2000s girlband video, an effect which was exacerbated by the enormous diamond earrings which completed the look. It was difficult to compare Laureline’s uniform to that of any other women - perhaps she was just stamping her individuality onto it (although that somewhat defeats the point of a uniform) - as there weren’t really any other female soldiers, or not any with huge amounts of screen time at least. This is reiterated by their superior’s dismissal, “gentlemen, lady” - lady in the singular.

Despite the lack of women in the military, they do exist elsewhere in the film. Princess Lïhio-Minaa (Sasha Luss) is introduced at the start, with very little dialogue, as a caring and happy character, who is obliterated to serve as motivation for Valerian, whom she inexplicably choses as a vessel to house her soul. The society to which the princess belongs seems egalitarian, it is run by both and emperor and and empress and they appear to worship some sort of feminine form of nature. It’s the shame the whole planet is exploded to smithereens before we even meet the main characters.

The other prominent female character is Bubble (Rihanna). The name alone tells you everything you need to know - vapid, pretty and insubstantial. Bubble is some sort of erotic performance artist who is indentured to Jolly the Pimp (Ethan Hawke). She is unique in that she is a shapeshifter, but the way that this talent manifests itself it that she can become whatever kind of woman the man she is performing for desires. As such, both Valerian and the audience are treated to a very long and suggestive burlesque-style dance, showcasing a multitude of revealing costumes and feats of flexibility. Even when Valerian presents her with a means of escape (through serving him instead) she still shows an almost Stockholm-Syndrome-like sickening level of a desire to please. She subsequently uses her superior alien powers to escape with Valerian, infiltrate an enemy encampment, rescue Laureline and then fight a small army on their way out. However, when everybody escapes down the garbage chute (classic), Bubble is randomly dead when they get to the bottom. Her own explanation is, “I must have been injured during the fight” - even she doesn’t know what happened to her! She’s just left in the rubbish and it’s the worst.

Overall, the woman in Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets are crude stereotypes when they even make sense as a character and pure nonsense the rest of the time. Their motives are unfathomable or shallow and they are subject to objectification, sexual harassment, imprisonment, violence and, at the extreme, murder/genocide at the hands of men. But the special effects are lovely so have a few drinks or mildly concuss yourself with a blunt object and you’ll have a great time.

And now for some asides:

Compensating for something with your clip on gold chest plate there, Clive Owen?

Rihanna’s death was the actual worst, but if you can choose how you look when you die then why the fuck not Nefertiti?

Can films just not be this long anymore? Mans got shit to do.                

[dweemeister]

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

In modern movie industry parlance, the summer of 2017 has been noted as a rejection of more reboots and sequels than usual, at least if you only consider North America. Baywatch, the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie, The Mummy (supposedly the rebooted universe of the Universal Monsters films), Cars 3, and Transformers: The Last Knight all struggled at the North American box office. So, the reasoning went, audiences must be thirsting for newer faces, ideas, and worlds instead. Luc Besson’s Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets fits that facile argument, but will be destined to lose tens of millions of dollars for the French, American, Chinese, Emirati, and German production companies that financed the most expensive European film ever. Beyond those figures, Valerian is not a great movie – its lead actors are dreadful, Besson’s screenplay is unorganized, and the movie itself is, to put things charitably, like falling from a fifty-foot stupid tree and smashing into every branch on the way down. And yet, I must admit I enjoyed this hot mess of sci-fi.

Orbiting the Earth, the International Space Station (ISS) has evolved into a multispecies settlement named “Alpha” over centuries. How lucky humans have been to encounter so many peaceful aliens. By the twenty-eighth century for safety reasons, Alpha has broken free of Earth’s orbit. Two of its human special police officers are smooth-talking, shoot-first-ask-questions-later Major Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and his partner – professional and romantic – Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevingne), who usually doesn’t tolerate Valerian’s nonsense. One day while traveling to recover an illicit device from a black marketer, Valerian has a vivid dream where a peaceful, humanoid race sees their idyllic planet destroyed. Brushing it off for now, Valerian performs his duties with the confidence of a younger Han Solo, but with greater purpose and arrogance towards his targets. Back on Alpha, Valerian and Laureline’s superior, Commander Arün Filitt (Clive Owen) commends his two most accomplished subordinates. Yet other machinations are in the offing, and it is up to our two young protagonists to investigate after an attack on Alpha’s governing council.

Other characters of note are Bubble (Rihanna), a shapeshifting performer located in a red-light district, Bubble’s pimp Jolly (Ethan Hawke), and the Defense Minister (Herbie Hancock).

Adapted from the comic book series Valérian and Laureline by Jean-Claude Mézières (as with many comic books, I haven’t read the source material), Besson’s screenplay is a structural and philosophical wreck. For every scene such as when Valerian and Laureline are retrieving the aforementioned illicit device in a tense, complex operation, there are two other juvenile moments that steer the film off a tonal cliff. Don’t be surprised if there is a Very Serious Top Secret Conversation one moment and then, a few minutes later, Valerian is dishing off about ridiculous wedding plans or the names of his and Laureline’s babies or Laureline has her head stuck up a gelatinous creature’s asshole upon the advice of three insistent, eavesdropping busybodies. There is a balance that can be struck between world-building – which Valerian pulls off spectacularly, with the immense amount of alien species onboard Alpha and the details of the station itself – and depicting a coherent storyline that challenges the audience’s intelligence. Valerian fails to meet the latter, which is its fatal flaw.

Science fiction in its most enduring iterations – in literature, film, and television – poses questions about humanity’s character, whether exemplified through humans themselves or other life-forms. What drives a person to perform an altruistic act at any given time, any given context? How does one respond to an injustice, and at what point in a narrative are they able to recognize that injustice’s effects? Why would an individual attempt to alleviate that injustice, or perhaps exploit it? The comic book series has been heralded for its space opera intermingled with its fierce, leftist (it’s French, what did you expect, Laureline pressuring the governing council to institute the gold standard in space?) humanism. If that is what Jean-Claude Mézières wished might be the bedrock of his creation, then the film adaptation dispenses such ideologies only until the closing half-hour.

Skip this rest of this paragraph if you don’t want even the slightest spoilers, Besson’s Valerian is looking to make an emphatic statement about genocide, cultural imperialism, and the politics of apologism and reparation – interesting, given that Besson produced and wrote Taken (2008; with the Muslim characters catering to European xenophobia) as well as his role as writer/director of Lucy (2014; a product of guns-blazing white feminism at the expense of anonymous Asian villains). With Besson’s best intentions written into his adaptation, I didn’t think that Valerian and Laureline’s eventual decision to openly defy the governmental-military apparatus felt organic – this is given how the two characters are developed in all prior events that are depicted. Though the two possess the occasional maverick tendencies, raining down force on others is their trade, and their ultimate decisions – though, in my opinion, the morally correct one – comes from almost nothing.

So Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a clusterfuck based on the writing alone. But I think those who know me can attest to the fact I can turn off my brain sometimes for a half-baked movie like this – probably. And by a certain point, I just surrendered to the terrible writing and soaked all the visuals in. 

Oh yes, I’m not quite done with bashing Valerian yet.

Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne have two of the worst performances I’ve seen in any movie – this blog concentrates on pre-1980s releases, but I consume plenty of newer releases – that I have seen this year. DeHaan’s Valerian is masculinity breaking the douchebaggery meter – it is monotonous to watch, and, at times, gratingly uninteresting. Also, I am now convinced model-turned-actress Cara Delevingne cannot act, as she never quite moves away from scowling disapproval or annoyed neutrality. After she starred as Enchantress in the useless Suicide Squad (2016), what the hell was anyone supposed to expect? Maybe this could have been remedied if they were fighting siblings or platonic friends instead, but alas. Put those two together alongside Besson’s writing, and they have as much chemistry as an Easy-Bake Oven – with apologies to Hasbro.

In an unexpected surprise, it is Rihanna – star of the classic nautical adventure Battleship (2012; Hasbro, what were you thinking?) – who steals this movie in the ten or so minutes that she appears as a shapeshifting Sally Bowles-like character. Well, a Sally Bowles-like character if Sally Bowles had a pole to dance with and was a slave. Rihanna might only be there to spout exposition but, would you believe it, she plays the only character I give a damn about.

What saves Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets are its technical strengths. That begins with the visual effects – all patched together by various effects companies worldwide. Sometimes grungy, other times as colorful as the likes of Life of Pi (2012) and Pacific Rim (2013), and showcasing a beautiful production design by Hugues Tissandier based off the illustrations by Mézières himself. Color injects personality into a movie, and – with the exception of any of the humans – there is plenty of personality to go around here. Olivier Bériot’s costume design and Thi Thanh Tu Nguyen’s makeup direction here are Star Trek-worthy in their variety (two hundred aliens appear in the movie – some CGI, some donning heavy makeup), invention, and unbridled experimentation. Very few contemporary movies are driven by their visuals as much as Valerian – a series of technical triumphs and a marvel of universe creation within a poor movie.

French composer Alexander Desplat (2007′s The Golden Compass, the last two Harry Potter movies) has been working in movies since 1992, and only since the mid-2000s has forged a named for himself as one of Hollywood’s most prominent, consistent composers. That admirable consistency has never resulted in an indisputably spellbinding masterpiece until now – despite the fact Desplat has never collaborated with Besson before. One of the opening cues, “Pearls on Mül”, is as warm and moving as any cue in contemporary cinema can be today – outfitted with a sparkling flute line and gravity-defying strings and chorus. But as the cue progresses, this musical bliss modulates the minor keys, and the paradise promised here might be more fragile than believed. In an environment where melody-less music is rampaging through Hollywood’s big-budget movies, this is a prime example of what movie music can do – complement and strengthen the emotions of a scene, whatever they might be. Valerian’s theme is the major motif in this film, with one of its first appearances in “Big Market” (five notes, beginning at 0:03 on piano), and it returns in distinct ways throughout the film. Less accessible is Laureline’s theme – underdeveloped like the character is – makes an appearance in “Shoot” as she recovers Valerian from danger as well as a meaningful, brief quotation in “Bubble” after a tragic moment.

Outside of Desplat’s score, David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” is an inspired song to lead off the opening expository montage. But for Desplat, his work for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets contains depth in melody and harmony – utilizing every section of the orchestra as much and as appropriately as possible, while not having synthetic elements interfering or overshadowing the orchestra’s efforts.

There were times in Valerian where I wanted Besson to wait just a few seconds longer, to explore a place on Alpha with more detail. Curiosity – of others, other places – is crucial in science fiction. The concept behind Jean-Claude Mézières’ Valerian has much of this curiosity, but I’m afraid that the movie adaptation seems unsure too often how to express that and other questions it wants to ask. The movie seems to have reached its target audience – which includes yours truly, at least partially. For those who have not had the pleasure of seeing Valerian yet, my only advice to you is to leave your brain outside the door – the film, upon the slightest unpackaging, is as rickety as a Jenga tower. Once again, my apologies to Hasbro.

My rating: 4.5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[thegeekshow]

The Captor: "true crime a la Blumhouse"

The true story which inspired the phrase "Stockholm Syndrome", dramatised with Ethan Hawke and Noomi Rapace. The Captor is out in UK cinemas now. Read Graham's review.

The last time Ethan Hawke played a role as flamboyantly as he does in Robert Budreau’s new film, he was playing a character named “Jolly the Pimp” in a Luc Besson space opera. Hawke’s Kaj Hansson is a stetsoned, Bob Dylan-obsessed ball of energy from the moment he walks into the bank where the film spends most of its run-time. His magnetism is, at least, appropriate to the character. Released in…

[oceluna]

[jaisinibrillianti]

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[nickreposted]

nicreations shared this story : This sounds so off the rails I want to see it, but not pay to see it. The summer movie season is a mess of big-budget blockbusters, and this particular one is especially dispiriting: one existing property after another, wringing the last few cents out of their franchises as they assault your senses. Here's how much we rely on things we're already familiar with: there is a movie coming out this week starring the smiley or vomity faces you put in text messages. Give me something new, I cry. Show me something I haven't seen three times already! Advertisement - Continue Reading BelowWell, be careful what you wish for. I saw Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets the other night, and my soul just tendered its letter of resignation. I have been dazzled to death, entertained to the brink of epilepsy, and I think I might have accidentally gotten Lasik.Valerian—which actually is based on an existing property, a French comic series from the 1970s which I haven't read and neither have you—begins on Space Station Alpha. Alpha has been built to accommodate Earthlings of all races and nationalities, because Earth itself has gotten too crowded. And as we move into the future, Alpha opens its space doors all sorts of aliens and monsters and weirdos from the cantina scene in Star Wars, until it gets too big and has to be cut off from Earth and sent into the darkest depths of the universe. Breitbart is already hard at work on the "Valerian as immigration-reform allegory" think piece, don't you worry.Next, we're on a planet called Mül, a space paradise whose inhabitants are a race of Sasha Velours doing a Na'vi Realness Maxi-Challenge. They get along, they sparkle, they sashay and shantay. Mül is full of space pearls, which the natives bathe in, and when they run low and need more of them, they "give back to nature what nature has given to us." Here's what that means, and I am not kidding: They feed space pearls to their pets—little orange alligator-armadillo hybrids—and then the pets literally sweat and shit out more space pearls. And everyone rejoices. So, 10 minutes into this film: intense, joyful CGI scat play. STX EntertainmentThe fantastic planet of Mül loses the lip-sync and gets destroyed pretty much immediately, so then it's up to our hero children Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne to…do something. After two and a half hours in a theater and a few days afterwards to reflect, I'm still not exactly sure what that is.Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is so constantly visually stunning that it actually makes you tired and a tiny bit nauseated.What I do know is that this movie is so constantly visually stunning that it actually makes you tired and a tiny bit nauseated. It spends its whole running time literally running, speeding into and out of dazzling computer-generated worlds, soaring and plummeting through colorful 3D starscapes and future virtual shopping malls. If you are allowed to breathe for one second, don't get too comfortable, because boing!, here comes some broad comic relief: an over-caffeinated Ethan Hawke as a Jolly the Space Pimp, or British comic Eric Lampaert as Thaziit, your very eager guide to the inter-dimensional space market. (Seriously, we spend about an hour in this place that sort of doesn't exist, but also sort of does, where you can buy virtual things that then become real things, and also virtual creatures can kill the virtual you, but then the real you also dies even though the thing that killed you and the you that it killed aren't real. 700 years from now, things are complicated, irritating, and French.) STX EntertainmentCara Delevingne glowers, Dane DeHaan continues to look like someone who's going to be handsome, and Rihanna drops by for five minutes to play a shapeshifting space hooker named Bubble. Bubble is dispatched in a way that can only be described as "sub-Poochie": she helps our heroes escape from a creature that wants to eat Cara Delevingne's head, and then literally says: "Oh, I must have gotten injured back there," and dies. She never gets to sing, but the subtext of her performance rings loud and clear: "Bitch better have my money."We should also address the Space Jews. A few times throughout the film, when a character needs to make sense of the story, three comic-relief characters show up. They are short and dark, their noses are long and bent, they have information that they will give you— at a price! Let's work out a deal!— and everyone hates them. It is possible that Luc Besson, being French, may not be aware of the casual anti-Semitism, but I can tell you from experience: New York is.I saw this movie in a screening where the back half of the theater was press and the front half was radio contest winners, and there was laughter throughout. The fans laughed at the jokes and the critters and the Space Jews, the critics laughed at the serious dialogue. There was never a dull moment. Do with that information what you will.Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sit in a silent, dark room for a few hours. I need a dull moment.

http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/a56480/valerian-movie-review/