#jonathan breech x y/n

[pinguwrites]

Kinktober 2023 | Day Seventeen — Jonathan Breech + recording

Pairing -> jonathan breech x girlfriend!reader

Warnings -> filming a porn video, exhibitionism kinda even though the video is private, cute, mention of pegging, possessiveness, , sex toys,

KINKTOBER 2023 MLIST

Disclaimer: On The Edge characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

You and Jonathan giggled as you ran down the hallway, hand in hand like a pair of schoolkids up to no good — which, you supposed you were, up to no good, but not at all the type you usually got into. 

It was your idea, actually. You weren’t really into porn, mostly because it wasn’t very enjoyable for you, with most of the content targeted towards men, but after shuffling through your old items, you came across a tape of a man and a woman together, one your friends had given you back in high school. 

You played it, all hot and bothered, and, with you and Jonathan’s relationship being very open, told him all about it. He thought it was hot, too, and suggested you watch it together, which promptly ended when he got all handsy and you all horny. 

It was then when you whispered in his ear, “Let’s make a video together.”

Jonathan’s blue eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face.

The very next day you bought some supplies. You both received some weird looks from the guy at the counter of the sex shop, but you ignored them, and prompty bought a couple of things you bought thought would be enjoyable.

One, a dildo and harness. It took a bit of coaxing, but you once eased Jonathan into the idea of pegging, he agreed (he was definitely more excited about it than you were, even though he didn’t say so). You also got some vibrators, a couple pecies of lingerie, and, of course, a recorder. Without it, everything was pointless.

“Slow down!” a nearby professor yelled, but you and Jonathan paid him no mind and simply ran past him. You both made it into Jonathan’s dorm room, where he said his roommate was visiting his family for the break. 

“Excited?” he asked, as he set up the recorder by his bed. “You know, I won’t hold it against ya if you back out.”

You snorted. “As if. But the same goes for you, too. Anytime you want to stop, we stop, okay?”

He hummed a ‘yes’.

You had already gone over a couple of ground rules before this, including wanting to stop, but it did no harm to mention it again. Amongst the safewords and no go’s (meaning the things you absolutely didn't want to try), you also talked about exactly what you would do with the video once you were finished.

You weren’t too opposed to publishing it on the internet. You heard recently that the market for this stuff was going up and it was much easier to start creating content now that everything was online, but the idea that someone you knew could stumble upon it was terrifying, especially now that you were still in college. You would rather wait until graduation before doing something so risky. 

Jonathan agreed, but you were almost certain it was for different reasons. He had always been a little possessive over you. If he wanted other people to see you two having sex, it was out of the reasoning that he wanted to show you off, show others what he had and they couldn’t. 

Jonathan hesitated before pressing the start button. “Ready?”

You nodded your head, a grin on your face. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

Taglist:

@rainyforest777

@thatwitchybitch420

@madeinuk

@gentyleman

@henrywintersdearestgirl

@shroombloom-rry

@meetmeatyourworst

[cillianmesoftlyyy]

The Ward Pt. 1 | Jonathan Breech x fem!character

Summary: Jonathan Breech is sentenced to three months in a Dublin psych ward after trying to take his life. He meets a girl and thinks he's fallen in love... but is this just a product of opportunity and loneliness or could it be more?

Warnings: Based heavily on One the Edge (2001) so there is already a lot of mental-health specific discussions. More specifically- mentions of suicide, self-harm, death, depression, anxiety, feeling helpless and alone, medication, vomiting, pregnancy. There is nothing explicitly sexual in pt. 1 so there are no warnings for that here. Please don't read if you think any of the previously mentioned topics could be triggering! Some of this is taken from my personal experience with mental-health issues so read with care.

word count: 3098k

1979- The Smashing Pumpkins 🎶

Up the Junction- Squeeze 🎵

note- I named the female character because I personally don't love using "y/n." It can take away from the story that I'm trying to tell sometimes but the character is supposed to be general enough to be whomever you wish.

additional note (sry)- One the Edge is free on Internet Archive...

Please read the warnings before continuing, thanks!

Jonathan made his way through the hospital corridors, glancing briefly into each room they passed. 

“This is a pretty shitty hotel, eh? What do you charge per night? Whatever it is, I’m not fucking paying it,” he stumbled around behind one of the nurses and laughed lightly. They stopped in front of a room. 

“This is you. You’re expected in group therapy at 4.” The nurse deadpanned and unlocked the yellow steel door for him. Jonathan poked his head inside the door and whistled low. 

“Mhm, yep. Just what I was expecting,” he leaned out again and yelled after the nurse, “would it kill yeh to add some fucking color to this room? Fucking depressing.” He shook his head and wandered inside. He sat down on the mattress, the metal springs popped below and it sagged below his weight. He looked around at the drab gray room, the one window covered by rusted bars, and the bare bedside table. Jonathan emptied his pockets on the bed beside him and moved the carton of cigarettes to the table. A clock on the opposite wall ticked quietly and he watched it with his bright blue eyes, blinking every so often to the rhythm. 

A second nurse came by and handed him some clothes, pajamas. 

“What are these for?” Jonathan frowned, “I don’t need pajamas.” 

“You have to wear them during the day,” the nurse responded. 

“Why the hell would I do that when I have my normal clothes?” 

“Its policy, it distinguishes you from guests and day patients. In-patients have to wear these.” The nurse pointed to the pile of neatly folded clothes in Jonathan’s arms. “Put them on.” 

Jonathan sighed and kicked off his shoes. 

“You’re not gonna watch are yeh?” He sneered at the nurse when he didn’t leave immediately. The nurse turned and left, closing the door without another word. Jonathan stripped down to his underwear and examined the clothes that he was given. It was a matching pajama set in an icy blue color with smaller blue designs across the fabric. The sleeves were too short and ended at his forearm and the pants around his midcalf. He pinched the bridge of his nose and cursed under his breath. He put on his shoes and the cardigan he had brought with him, a yellow wool cardigan that still smelled like home. 

…

Around 4 o'clock Jonathan left his room and wandered aimlessly through the psychiatric ward, looking for the group therapy room. He walked until he spotted Dr. Figure walking into a small room and called out to him. 

“Heya, Dr. Figure. I’m here for my group therapy!” He said with a flare of dramatic excitement. Dr. Figure looked tired and responded with a strained smile. 

“Hello, Jonathan. Please come in.” They walked inside the room and Jonathan took a seat in a chair beside a boy around his age wearing a dark blue bathrobe. His light brown hair was messy and long and he wore round wire-framed glasses over his eyes. Dr. Figure sat opposite of him across the circle and cleared his throat as he arranged a stack of papers. Another boy and a girl sat at the circle too though neither of them looked up when Jonathan sat down. 

“Good afternoon everyone, thank you for coming today.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” Jonathan shrugged and pulled one of his knees up to his chest in the chair and rested his chin on his knee. 

“Yes, thank you Jonathan for coming anyway.” Dr. Figure sighed and gestured towards him, “this is Jonathan, everyone. He’s new and he’ll be joining us in group therapy. Why don’t we all introduce ourselves? I’ll start. I’m Dr. Figure and I’m the head psychiatrist here.”   

“I’m Toby.” The boy next to Jonathan nodded his head and Jonathan smiled at him. It passed across Jonathan to the girl on his otherside. She glanced up briefly to introduce herself with a small smile. 

“I’m Margaret.” She said softly and looked down at her hands again as the last boy introduced himself. He had headphones around his neck and a walkman clipped inside the pocket of his robe. Jonathan looked back at the girl, studying her. She looked as though she hadn’t slept in a while with the dark circles shading her downcast eyes. She was wearing a vintage nightgown, he realized, one with long sleeves and a modest neckline even though the dress was shorter than her knees. On her legs she had long brown socks tucked into a pair of duck boots. Her hair was brushed away from her face and fell straight down her back but he couldn’t see how long it actually was. She had a busted lip, he could tell from the bruising around her bottom lip and a scab that looked as if it was still bleeding. She played with the hem of her nightgown and glanced up again, catching him as he stared at her but he didn’t look away, she did. She flushed and stared at the tan tile around her chair. 

“Now I’d like to pass this around and I want you all to add any recent fears or anxieties that may have come up in the last few days that we haven’t talked about yet,” Dr. Figure handed the clipboard to the boy next to Margaret. Toby raised his hand. 

“Yes?”

“What if we’re scared of filling out paperwork?” Toby asked and Jonathan laughed. Dr. Figure seemed to genuinely ponder the question before Toby added, “that was a joke,” and Jonathan laughed again. 

“Why don’t you tell us what you’re afraid of, doctor?” Jonathan smiled and Dr. Figure exhaled. 

“It’s not important.”

“I think you’re deflecting, doctor.” 

“Jonathan, if you’d like to discuss my fears then I would be happy to do so at a later time in my office,” Dr. Figure answered calmly. 

“Oh, I see. You can analyze us as much as you want but as soon as someone asks the same question of you, you can’t answer, eh?” Jonathan crossed his arms across his chest. 

“It’s just not something that I do with my patients during group therapy. This is your time to get better, it isn’t about me.” 

“You know what would make me better, doctor?”

“What’s that, Jonathan?” Dr. Figure rubbed his eyes and waited for Jonathan to answer.

“I want clothes that actually fit. These are too short, I look ridiculous! And why do we have to wear fucking pajamas? How am I supposed to feel good about myself walking around in these, eh? And no one told me that girls were gonna be here too! Jesus, it's embarrassing.” Jonathan huffed and complained loudly, leaning forward in his seat sometimes to emphasize his point. He looked over at Margaret who was turning red. 

“I understand that you’re upset about the clothes but they shouldn’t matter. You’re here to get better, Jonathan.” Dr. Figure crossed his legs and clasped his hands together. 

“Now, if we could, please continue.” He gestured to Margaret to take the clipboard from the boy next to her. As she did so, Jonathan stood up and walked towards the door. 

“Thanks, doc. That’s it for today.” He waved his hand and left the room, letting the door close behind him. He went straight to his room and sat down on his bed. Gray light filtered in through the window and he looked out at the rainy streets. 

…

That evening he found the rec room and sat down by a window, bracing himself against a heater. Toby was sitting by the window as well and looked up at him when Jonathan approached. 

“Hey,” Toby nodded.

“Hey.” Jonathan replied and opened the window but it caught after a few inches. 

“It doesn’t open all the way,” Toby smiled, “they don’t want us to jump out.” 

“Damnit, that was going to be my plan A,” Jonathan shook his head.

“What’s your plan B?” 

“Wait out the next four months,” Jonathan chuckled darkly and reached into his breast pocket for a cigarette. 

“They won’t let you smoke that in here,” Toby advised and glanced over at the female nurses speaking quietly near the door. 

“I wouldn’t mind getting in trouble with them, eh?” He smirked at Toby who laughed. “Toby, right?”

“Yeah,” Toby nodded and pushed his glasses up his nose. 

“Jonathan,” he patted his chest for a second and changed the subject, “By the way, what’s that girl’s story, the one from group.”

“Margaret?” Toby asked and Jonathan nodded. “She’s been here for a week or two. I think we came in around the same time. I don’t know a lot about her because she doesn’t say much in group. It must be hard being the only girl around our age here.” Toby shrugged and continued, “She’s had that busted lip for a while but I’m not sure exactly how she got it. I’ve talked to her a little and she’s nice.”

“And cute,” Jonathan added with a laugh and Toby nodded. 

“Yeah, that too. I think she’s been through some shit.”

“Haven’t we all?” Jonathan muttered and Toby nodded knowingly. They sat in silence for a moment before Toby spoke again. 

“You know I’ve been sneaking out of here a few times a week at night. I could take you if you wanted.” 

“No shit,” Jonathan whispered with a smirk, “really?”

“Yeah. Wanna go tomorrow night?” 

“Of course.” 

“Ok,” Toby smiled. 

“Ok.” Jonathan affirmed and hopped up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“See yah,” Toby waved and went back to looking out the window. 

Jonathan left the rec room and wandered further down the hallways, passing the women’s ward. There was one men’s bathroom in the women’s ward and he went in. The opposite end of the bathroom had a short tiled wall that ended in a ledge below a row of barred windows. There were three sinks on his left and two stalls on his right, one a handicapped stall. A single urinal stood against the wall. Sitting on the ledge and leaning against one of the walls of the handicapped stall was Margaret, reading a book. The dying light from the window shone through her nightgown, showing the dark silhouette of her body underneath. She looked up quickly and jumped at seeing her. 

“Shit sorry, I thought this was the men’s room.” 

“It is, sorry.” Margaret closed her book and hopped down from the ledge, wincing as her feet hit the ground. “I like to read in here.”

“In the men’s room?” Jonathan raised his dark eyebrow, his pink lips pursed. 

“No one uses this bathroom in the women’s ward.” 

“The male nurses?”

“They aren’t allowed to work in the ward… legal reasons.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and held the book against her chest. He looked at the cover of the book. 

“What are you reading?”

“Jane Eyre.”

“That’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?” Jonathan laughed and she smiled. 

“Maybe but I love it. I love anything by the Brönte sisters.” She fingered one of the pages on the book and met his eyes. She had a heart-shaped face with messy unkempt eyebrows and she was short, barely 5”3. 

“Did someone have you locked up in their attic?” He joked. 

“No, though it would have made my life more interesting.” She smiled at him, her cheeks pressed up into her eyes and flushed slightly from the conversation.

“You’re cute,” Jonathan broke the momentary silence and her eyes widened slightly. 

“You don’t know me,” she laughed breathlessly and brushed past him to the door. He spun around and followed her. 

“I don’t have to know you to know that you’re cute.” He protested and smiled as she took the door handle in her hand. 

“Don’t be stupid,” She frowned and he threw up his hands in surrender. 

“Personally, I thought that was pretty smart but hey- wait! Don’t go, I wasn’t actually coming in here to use the bathroom, I just wanted some space.” 

She looked at him for a moment and rolled her eyes, “word of advice? Don’t call girls cute, it's demeaning.” She cocked her head at him and left the bathroom. He left after her and watched as she walked down the corridor to her room. She looked back at him and smiled to herself as she went inside and closed the door. 

…

Jonathan woke up early the next morning for his private appointment with Dr. Figure. His room was cold and he’d slept in a t-shirt on top of his covers like a child. He was shivering when he finally woke up and quickly changed into his warmer pajamas, gritting his teeth as he remembered how short they were on him. He pulled on a jumper and laced his roughed up sneakers. Stepping out into the corridor, he rubbed his shoulders for warmth and hopped down the stairs two at a time. He pushed open the door to the garden and followed the cement sidewalk through a row of tall hedges. The morning was cold but the sun was already in the sky and shining on the hospital’s grounds. As Jonathan passed through the first set of hedges he looked to the side. Sitting on a small wooden bench was Margaret, still reading Jane Eyre. She had on a pair of men’s blue checkered pajama pants and a dark green jumper, also still wearing her duck boots. She sat with her legs crossed beneath her and her hair billowed in the short rushes of wind. He caught himself looking at her crotch and snapped out of it. He stuck his hands beneath his armpits and walked over, smiling wide when she looked up. 

“How was your first night?” She dog-eared the page in her book and squinted up at him. 

“Not bad, but I woke up fucking freezing.” 

“The heaters don’t work in the rooms. That’s why I go into the bathrooms to read.”

“Or outside,” he pointed at her book. She smiled and looked down for a moment. 

“It’s part of my treatment. I spend an hour outside everyday, for the fresh air and sun. It’s supposed to make me happier.” 

“You know they have drugs that do the same thing.” Jonathan smiled and rocked back and forth on his feet. 

“I don’t take them… I haven’t for a few weeks.” 

“Oh?” Jonathan sniffed, his nose already running in the cold air. She thought about telling him why she wasn’t on her meds but changed her mind. Jonathan noticed her change in body language and cleared his throat. 

“Look, I’m supposed to have a meeting with the doc. Could you show me where his office is?” He cocked his head to the side, twisting his lips into a smile. 

“You think you’re real smooth, don’t you?” She shook her head, laughing. 

“Don’t know, it depends on whether or not you say yes doesn’t it?”

“And what if I have something I’d rather be doing?” She smirked slightly and brought her knees up to her chest, balancing her heels on the edge of the bench. 

“Do yah?” Jonathan asked. 

“Of course.”

“And what is that?” He brought his head back upright and continued to smile, “what would you rather be doing than walking with me?”

“Eating real food at a restaurant with warm bread at the table, or going to a library where I actually have a valid library card, or buying expensive ice cream that I can’t eat because it's freezing outside…” she listed off the items, taping her lips with her index finger. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and Jonathan imagined how soft and cold they would be against his fingers. 

“What if in exchange for showing me where the old man’s office is, I buy you an ice cream when we get out of this shithole?” He shuffled his feet in the brown grass and Margaret smiled softly. 

“You think we’re getting out of this place?” She shook her head, almost sad but still smiling. 

“Why don’t we just pretend we are, for the sake of today?” He shrugged and twisted his torso side to side. She watched him for a second, trailing her eyes over his lanky body stuffed into clothing that was made for someone much younger. She had to admit that he was pretty but there was a reason that they were all in there, and Jonathan wasn’t exempted from that. She nodded and put her feet back on the ground and stood. Holding Jane Eyre in her arms she led Jonathan back to the path in the direction of the smaller house near the border wall. 

“So, what ice cream do you like?” Jonathan asked. His sneakers gripped the pavement and sent small pebbles bouncing across the pavement. 

“German chocolate,” she answered after a moment of serious deliberation. 

“You know, I’ve noticed something.”

“What?” She looked at him as they walked. 

“I don’t recognize your accent. You aren’t Irish.”

“No,” she shook her head, “are you disappointed?” 

He smiled and put his head back, “No, no. I’m just surprised. You don’t sound British either…” He bit his lip, trying to place her accent. 

“I’m American,” she answered for him and pulled her hair to the side of her shoulder. 

“American? What are you doing here?” He laughed lightly and she blushed. 

“I’m studying here for a semester.”

“Where?” 

“Trinity,” she glanced at him, “for Literature.” 

“Fuck, no wonder you’re depressed. Why would you come to Ireland for college?” He laughed and she blushed further. 

“I just wanted to get away from my family and Ireland seemed like the farthest place from home… and you have a good Literature program here.” 

“Ah, all the Irish poets and writers…”

“And Sinead O’conner.” She added and Jonathan laughed loudly. 

“You’re funny.” 

“And cute, apparently.” She shrugged, “you still haven’t apologized.” 

“For what?” He played dumb. 

“For calling me cute.” 

“I’m not apologizing for pointing out something that’s true.” He argued and she looked up at the sky, pretending to study the clouds. 

��I think you’re an asshole, Jonathan.” She looked up at him and he nodded slowly, a small smile stuck to his lips. 

“So do I.” 

They walked in silence to the house and Margaret left him at the door. He walked in through the door, strips of paint curled and fell onto the doormat. 

“Don’t forget that you owe me an ice cream,” she called quietly before the door closed and he gave a little salute before the door snapped shut.

...

end of pt. 1 :)

Thank you so much for all of the support. This community means the world to me and I feel very supported by everyone on this niche community. I love writing these silly little fanfics and I'm flattered that people like them. I read all of your comments and reblogs- lots of love!

[adotblog]

Brave New World-Chapter 1-Baptism of fire.

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, discussion of a crappy relationship.

Notes: Alright, here it is-the follow-up to the Brave series. I’m basically going for a Sliding Doors kinda thing here-the same characters from Brave meet in the same way but take different actions and we see how their relationship would’ve progressed on this different path. I’m thinking it’ll be 5/6 parts and I’ll aim to publish every Friday. Since they’re the same characters, there will be callbacks to Brave-similar phrases used, backstory elaboration, that kind of thing. You know I crave feedback so please let me know what you think-use anonymous ask if you’re shy :)

There’s a sort of West Wing reference (when isn’t there?)

Words: 3005. I’ll never change.

It’s your second week at the theatre and you’ve already settled in pretty well. Most of your working hours are spent with your colleague Clare who is chatty and loves to sing and boogie her way through prep, which was a welcome surprise. Everyone you’ve met so far has been sweet and the work is varied. Overall quite the good start. You’ve yet to meet Lin-Manuel Miranda, the composer and lead actor, as he’s been on vacation. But Jonathan (another new friend) says he’s funny and lovely. Today you’ve brought in a ton of doughnuts for everyone-two-show days are long and you figure people might need a pick-me-up.

You’re surrounded by stage crew as soon as you come through the door and they immediately take one box off your hands. You head through to the common area with the others and go to place them on the table. You see that there are a couple of people in the office and since the door is open, you decide to take the plunge and go in with the final box.

As you near the door you see that Jonathan is one of the people in there and he beckons you to come straight in. Chris is also there-you’ve met him once already-and as you go through the door you realise the other person is Lin-Manuel Miranda. You nearly freeze on the spot as he flashes you a big smile.

You’re dimly aware that Jon is introducing you and saying something complimentary. There’s a hand stuck out in front of you and you juggle doughnuts in order to shake it. “Please, just call me Lin”. Lin. Ok. Well, Lin is an absolute dream.

He has long dark hair, pulled back in a scruffy bun. His skin is a rich olive and so smooth-looking that it really makes you want to stroke some part of him. Uhoh. His smile is broad and beaming, his voice warm and so New York it almost hurts. Oh boy, new crush. Absolutely no escaping this one. Shit.

You pull yourself away from your reverie and start offering out doughnuts as the guys continue their conversation. “And so I was thinking of changing that line up and putting in another Shakespeare quote”, says Lin. Chris plays eenie meanie minie mo to choose a flavour as Lin elaborates “so Eliza will refer to New York as a ‘Brave New World’”.

“Oh, I wouldn’t”, you say before your brain connects to your mouth. Jonathan freezes, hand hovering over a doughnut. He catches your eye and manages to convey with a single look “What are you doing correcting the boss the very first time you meet him?!”. You panic. This is not a good career move. “Why wouldn’t you?”, prompts Lin, an amused smile on his lips.

You look briefly to Jon for help but he just makes a “go ahead” gesture. Fuck it. You turn to face Lin and try to keep your voice even as you say “Well, Shakespeare was poking fun-Miranda refers to the place as a ‘brave new world’ because she’s seen some hot dude. Brave means ‘handsome’ and the subtext is that it’s handsome but lacking any character or depth. So you’d be suggesting that New York hasn’t got anything under the pretty. Also, Miranda was sappy and pathetic-Eliza’s too badass for her words.”. You finish by extending the box of doughnuts in Lin’s direction, as if they’ll protect you from any backlash.

Lin reaches out and takes one “Alright then, no brave new world!”, he says with a smile. Oh thank god, he’s not mad. You smile back and begin to retreat out of the room, saying you’ll leave the box by the coffee maker. “Hey Y/N?”, Lin calls after you. You stick your head back around the door and he says “Don’t write off all Mirandas, Ok?” and winks at you.

*****************************************

Over the next week or so, you get to know Lin and the rest of the cast and crew a little better. Whenever Jonathan is around he introduces you to new people and tells you what everyone’s role is, which really helps you feel more at home. Jonathan is hilarious and warm, you clicked right away and he’s a lot of fun to hang out with. The only downside is that he has an adjoining dressing room to Lin’s, so you’ve also seen a lot of him. That means your inappropriate-attraction-to-the-boss situation has not got any better. It doesn’t help that Lin is charming, sweet, honest and welcoming. You’ve a burgeoning crush and it makes you nervous as hell.

It’s the break between shows and you are alone in the wings getting everything back in place for the evening. You’re blasting some tunes from your Spotify when a head pops around the scenery-a beautiful head. It’s Jasmine, a principal cast member you’ve spoken to a couple of times. “I was just wondering where the music was coming from!”, she says with a grin. “Oh, sorry-do you want me to turn it down?”, you ask nervously. “Hell no! I came to dance!”, she answers as she comes into the wings. You laugh and the track changes to Superstition by Stevie Wonder, causing Jasmine to holler “I looooove this song!”. She grabs your hands and spins you round and round, insisting that you dance with her.

Jasmine’s enthusiasm is infectious and you’re giggling as you both slip out onto the stage, dancing all the while. When the song ends, shuffle picks out something soft and instrumental, eliciting a boo from Jasmine. She stands, hands on hips. “This is not dancing music”, she disparages. “Pssh, you’ve no imagination!”, says a voice from the wings. Lin’s voice.

Jasmine rolls her eyes as Lin steps out onto the stage. He heads straight over to you, takes your right hand in his, puts your left hand on his shoulder and grabs your waist. He leads you in some kind of haphazard salsa all over the stage. It’s totally unsuited to the music and you’re laughing uncontrollably while Lin keeps a mock-serious face. Jasmine declares you both crazy and heads back to her dressing room. Lin continues to spin you around the stage until the song ends. When the music shuffles to a Biffy Clyro song he holds up his hands in defeat. “I’m out!”, he laughs. He pulls you to the front of the stage to take a bow and then drops your hand to take his leave. “Welcome to the company”, he says with a smile as he heads away.

*****************************************

Three weeks in and you’ve essentially committed yourself as chief two-show day snack-bringer. You’ve met everyone now and are thrilled to be working with such a lovely group. You place a box of cookies in the green room and take a handful upstairs to the dressing rooms. You drop a few off with Oak and Anthony and then knock on Lin’s dressing room door.

“Come in!”, he yells. He’s only half-dressed when you walk in. Breeches are on but he’s naked from the waist up. Oh god. He looks good. He really looks good. “Oh sorry, I thought you were costumes!”, he apologises “I have a shirt emergency” he holds up a torn shirt sleeve as evidence. You drag your gaze from his torso, his smooth, kissable torso, to his face. “No problem.”, you say. This is a lie. This is *entirely* problematic. You won’t be able to shake this image for days. He pulls on his torn shirt and asks what you need.

Oh yeah, there was an actual reason you came here. “Cookies…I brought cookies”, you say. “Thanks!”, he says, taking one and moaning as he bites into it. This is really not helping. “Ok I gotta go!”, you say abruptly. “Uhh, more deliveries!”. You wave the cookies as you make a quick exit.

You pause with your back to his door for a second or so to recover your senses. There is no denying now that you have a full-scale, ridiculously school-girl crush on Lin. This is a recipe for disaster.

You knock on Jasmine’s dressing room door and enter. You’ve been spending most of your breaks with her, becoming fast friends incredibly easily. You toss her a cookie and squish into the chair in the corner of the room. “I just added you to the WhatsApp group”, she says as she throws her phone in her bag. “Group?”, you ask. “Yeah a bunch of us go out or have dinner semi-regularly so we have a group chat, and since you’re my new bestie you’re automatically required to come with me.”, she says matter-of-factedly. “I’m your new bestie?”, you ask with a hand clutched to your heart-you’re only partly joking, you’re quite touched. “Duh!”, she says and adds a wink. “It’s the snacks, isn’t it?”, you joke. “Aww man, you’ll never know…”, she answers and you both dissolve into giggles.

*****************************************

Chris: Ray’s bar, 8. Who’s in?

Lin: I’m there.

Jasmine: Me and Y/N are in.

Jonathan: Of course.

Lin: Woah, Newbie’s first #Hamilouting

Jonathan: Lin that’s a terrible hashtag.

Y/N: Uhh, Apparently I’m in…

Lin: We’ll ease you in gently, don’t worry.

Chris: Naw, baptism of fire, I say!

Y/N: Oh shit.

*****************************************

Nothing fancy, Jasmine said. Jeans and a nice top, she said. Nothing you have is any good. Staring at your wardrobe, you may as well be looking at racks of cloth sacks-nothing is jumping out at you. In desperation you text Jasmine.

HELP. I have nothing to wear. I know people always say that but it’s actually true.

Jasmine: Just a nice top will do, honey.

NOTHING, Jas.

Jasmine: You wanna come over? You can borrow something?

Please. Now?

Jasmine: see you in a bit.

Jasmine’s place is a subway ride away from yours, so you grab your makeup and put on your best jeans and head straight out. When you arrive, Jasmine instantly approves of your jeans and shoes. She has laid out a few tops for you to try on, and perches on the bed while you turn this way and that in front of the mirror. Ten minutes later, she’s bored. “The purple one was fine, Y/N”, she says. You make a dissatisfied noise. “It was! Why are you so bent out of shape about tonight, anyway?”, she asks. “I just want to make a good impression”, you say. “Mmhmm”, she sounds skeptical but doesn’t push it further.

When you arrive, Lin and Chris wave you over to a booth they’ve saved. “You’re both looking lovely”, Lin says. “She always looks amazing”, you say as you sit down next to him and Jas goes to the bar with Chris. Lin gives you a look. “What?”, you ask. “Just, that’s a funny way of taking a compliment.”, he jokes. “Oh, yeah no I don’t do that well”, you admit. “And why’s that?”, he asks outright. “Well Dr,”, you tease “low self-esteem, shitty ex destroying my confidence-you know the drill”. Lin nods slowly. “Well, we gotta do something about that.”, he says. “What do you mean?”. “Well I’ll just have to keep giving you compliments until you believe them”, he shrugs. Well, you don’t quite know what to do with that.

Thankfully Jonathan turns up at that moment and wraps you both in hugs, complaining about the weather and enthusing about the cocktails. On cue, Jasmine and Chris return from the bar with a tray of drinks. Whiskey for Chris and Lin, Cosmo for Jasmine. “And I got you two an Old Fashioned each”, she says. “I love you”, you and Jon say in unison and then collapse into each other in a fit of giggles. “Oh boy, they’re off!”, calls Chris.

*****************************************

Four Old Fashioneds in and you’re a teeny bit tipsy and having a whale of a time. You’ve danced with Jasmine until your feet are too sore and now you’re nestled safely in your booth between Lin and Jon, shoes off and feet tucked under you. “I’m so ladylike”, you groan, indicating your crossed legs. “Look at Jazzy, all class and grace-how d’ya get like that?”, you question. Lin does a double take “I’m wearing sneakers and a hoodie, don’t ask me!”, he says. You both turn to Jon. “Darling, you either have it or you don’t.”, he says dramatically. You and Lin roll your eyes at each other as Jon laughs at his own joke. He downs the rest of his drink and after checking his watch, announces that he’s got to go. He tracks down Jasmine and Chris and hugs them goodbye before running out to hail a cab. Jasmine tried to drag you up for another couple of dances but you protest about your feet. Chris has reached his limit too and she’s just about to work on Lin when she gets a text message from Anthony. He wants her to join him and his friends at a club a few blocks away. Chris offers to walk her their on his way home. You and Lin both jokingly boo them for skipping out before midnight, but it’s all kisses and hugs as you part.

And then it’s just the two of you squished into the booth. You settle back with your legs crossed again, facing Lin and sipping another Old Fashioned. “So the shitty ex”, he begins. “Ugh, yes?”, you reply. “How long ago was he?”, Lin asks. “Couple of years ago, he moved away when we broke up-he never liked New York and resented me for moving here”, you say. “Well, another reason to hate him”, says Lin. You nod. “He just. I always felt like he was ashamed of me, you know? He would go out with his friends but never take me, he just used to put me down all the time and our sex-life was just fucking DEAD”, you exclaim. “Oh god. Why did I tell you that?”, you say, rubbing your temple. Lin laughs to try and break the tension “Because you’re on your fifth Old Fashioned?”, he suggests.

You shake your head. “I’m not drunk. Merry, maybe.”, you admit. “I’ve not told anyone any of that before. I mean, with everything else I’m a pretty open book but not…this”. Lin takes a drink, and then takes your hand. “I’m glad you told me.”, he says. “He sounds like an idiot, though”. “I thought I loved him. I did, once. I don’t know if he ever loved me though. That bugs me, makes me doubt my instincts.”, you admit. Why are you telling him all this?! He’s just so inviting-those warm eyes, the way he makes you feel like he’s really listening. The odds are really stacking against you ever being able to resist this ill-fated crush.

“Don’t doubt yourself. You strike me as pretty bright, pretty observant…just generally pretty too”, he says with a grin to lighten the mood. You give him a light punch on the arm, unsure whether he was serious and clueless as to how you should react.

“Now, how we gonna get you home?”, he asks, looking at your feet. “Barefoot, baby!”, you laugh. “Umm, no. No, no. Your feet’ll be in shreds. We gotta get a cab to your apartment.”, he insists. “Is it on your way?”, you ask when you’ve told him your address. “Sure”.

You spend the cab ride talking about the last movie you both saw, and the time passes very quickly. When you reach your building, you’re so busy wincing at your shoes as you get out that you don’t notice Lin has also got out and has paid for the cab. “Lin is this really on your way home?”, you ask as he offers you his arm. “Good lord, no!”, he laughs. “Lin!”, you protest. “I promised Jas I’d get you home safe-I’m under strict instructions to walk you to your door”, he says.

You wonder for a second if Jas has caught on to your crush on Lin, and this is a set up on her part. But then you’re at your door and there’s no time left to wonder about that. Lin stands awkwardly as you search for your keys. “Do you want to come in for some coffee?”, you ask as you pull the keys out of your bag. Even though you know you can’t sleep with the boss, a little rebel part of your brain hopes he’ll come in and is daydreaming about how that would go. “I can’t, but thanks.”, Lin says. “How was your first Hamilouting?”, he asks with a grin. “So much fun”, you smile. “And hey, sorry if I unloaded on you back there-I’m kinda sober now and regretting revealing all my insecurities…”, you say, trying to laugh it off. Lin moves closer, standing right in front of you now. “Not at all.”, he says. “I just wish that no one had ever made you feel anything less than strong and beautiful”. He reaches out and moves your hair behind your ear as you feel your own breath hitch.

In the next few seconds, your mind races: is he making a move? Isn’t he technically your boss? This can’t be a good idea.

Then he strokes his thumb across your cheek bone and brings his lips to yours and oh but it’s the best fucking idea. You lift your hand to his neck and close any remaining distance between you by pressing your body up against his.

The kiss is pretty much perfect-gentle but firm, sweet but insistent. It makes you want to pull him through your door and keep kissing him until your lips are bruised.

But soon he stops. He is looking for a sign from you that this is ok. You reach up to give him a peck on the cheek and softly say “Goodnight, Lin.”. “Goodnight, Y/N”, he says, and you smile before turning to open your door. “I’ll see you tomorrow “, he calls as he heads for the stairs, flashing you a smile as he goes.

“Tomorrow”.