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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Video Star Chapter 6 (Shalaska) - Rosie

Chapter Summary: The RuPorn Award nominations are out, it’s Raja’s birthday, and Alaska stumbles upon something whilst at the Gemini residence.

Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

“Gimme the phone!” Willam yelled, snatching it out of the hand of a very excited Courtney, who bounced on her toes with glee having already seen some of the nominations.

“Yes bitch!” Willam whooped, catching sight of her name under one of the categories. “Up for Best Orgasm for the second year in a row!”

Willam always tried to give off a too cool for everything vibe, but the infectious smile on her face showed the RuPorn Awards meant more to her than she initially let on.

“Yay Willam!” Courtney cheered, clapping her hands together. “You’re up for one too Alaska!”

“Really?” Alaska asked, the three of them now huddling around Willam as she scrolled through the RuPorn webpage. Michelle had hinted to her a week ago that a nomination or two were on the table for Alaska. But since her fallout with Sharon, Alaska had barely thought of things like awards and trophies.

“Nominated for Best Threesome with Sharon and Katya! Get it girl,” Willam said, bumping her hip against Alaska’s.

“I loved that video!” Courtney yelled, a little too enthusiastically. “You three were amazing,” she whispered.

Alaska’s mouth dropped open, her brain struggling to process the moment. A multitude of emotions fought for dominance in her mind. First she was surprised, then flattered. But then a bittersweet aftertaste overpowered everything as she thought of her current relationship status with one of her co-stars. What even are we anymore? Alaska thought.

“Oh but look,” Willam said to Courtney as Alaska stood there, dumbfounded. “They’re up against Raven, Manila and Raja. They always win, but at least you were nominated Alaska,” Willam said with a shrug.

Alaska gasped as Willam’s scrolling revealed more nominations.

“Aw, you’re up for Best New Cummer as well Alaska!” Courtney cried, shuffling around to hug the other queen.

The heads of the company, such as Carson, Ross, Michelle and most importantly RuPaul, selected the RuPorn Award nominees. This meant they had seen her work and thought she was good enough to even win. Now the decision was up to everyone in the company to vote.

“Oh… my god,” Alaska said, truly stunned as the moment sank in. “That’s incredible…”

“Mmh, you’re up against Jinkx and Adore,” Willam mused, “I haven’t seen much from Jinkx, but Adore could be a threat. You do have a bigger following though.”

“You sound like she’s going into battle,” Courtney joked.

“Well maybe she might be, Miss Courtney,” Willam replied, laughing as she realised how strategic she sounded. “Wait whoa, what the fuck, another one Alaska?”

Alaska’s eyes widened, and all three of them again huddled around the glowing screen of the phone.

Alaska looked at the words in front of her. Her stomach clenched as her eyes scanned the page. She almost couldn’t comprehend what she was reading.

NOMINEES FOR BEST DUO PERFORMANCE

Raja and Raven – Top Toot

Tatianna and Katya – See Me With Them Hands

Sharon and Alaska – Meet Alaska

“Oh my god Alaska! Your very first video is up for a RuPorn Award!” Courtney cried, practically jumping up and down in the spot.

“Yes bitch yes!” Willam yelled, pulling the other blonde into a hug as Alaska continued to stare at the screen in disbelief.

“That’s… basically unheard of!?” Courtney gushed, wrapping her arms around the others to form a group hug.

Alaska buried herself in the hug, tilting her head down slightly to rest it on Willam’s shoulder.

Suddenly the moment became too much for her.

The feeling of the other queens squeezing her tightly, all genuinely ecstatic for Alaska and her success, paired with the conflicting emotions of seeing her name alongside Sharon’s for something she was so proud of which was now tainted, brought tears to her eyes.

“No! Are you okay?” Courtney asked when she heard Alaska sniffle, pulling away from the hug to give her some space.

Alaska waved her hand and nodded, gesturing that the moment would pass.

“It’s just a lot to take in, overwhelming, you know,” Alaska finally said when she composed herself, tilting her head back to avoid ruining her makeup. “Just a lot of information to process at once,” she laughed.

The attention was thankfully taken off her as Courtney’s phone dinged in Willam’s hand.

“Ooh, our Uber is here!” Willam announced. “God, I can already tell what every conversation is going to be about tonight.”

Inbox (1)

RuPorn

NOMINATIONS RELEASED

Sharon’s eyes widened as she registered the words in the notification at the top of her screen, which vanished just as quickly as it appeared. She had been tapping, scrolling and exiting her way through all of @Alaska5000’s social media platforms, which had been dead quiet since their argument a week ago, when the email appeared in her inbox.

The blonde hairs of her wig fell around her shoulders as she instantly sat up on the couch, her fingers navigating her way through her phone at lightning speed to open the message. She slammed her thumb on the link attached in the email, her mouth immediately going dry as she waited for the blank screen to load the official RuPorn website where the nominations had gone live.

Sharon had completely forgotten about the awards until a few days ago, and since then they had proved to be a decent distraction from the disaster that was her personal life. She knew she was guaranteed a few nominations, so over the past few days she had focused on herself, trying to figure out which of her various videos over the past year could have been recognised. It didn’t solve everything, but spending time reflecting on her own work had been almost healing, the beast that was the RuPorn company yet again helping Sharon in a time of need.

The screen finally loaded, and Sharon breathed in sharply as she spotted her name in the running for the first nomination.

“Up for Best Orgasm, I called it, I fucking called it” she announced to the cat lying next to her on the couch, who was completely unfazed by the achievements being accomplished by his owner.

She gasped as she saw her name underneath the next category.

“Best Solo Performance! I could win Best Solo Performance Cerrone!” she said, grinning as her eyes scanned the webpage, trawling through the information and scouring for more sightings of her name.

Her smile faltered as she spotted it again, this time accompanied by two other names. The words swirled in her mind: Best Threesome – Sharon, Alaska and Katya.

She almost laughed, remembering how jealous she had been at the start of that day. It seemed so long ago now. She wished she could jump back in time where being jealous of Katya fucking Alaska was the most stressful thing to happen to her.

She continued to scroll through the page, nodding to herself as she agreed with the queens up for other categories, her brows raising occasionally as an unexpected queen snagged a nomination.

Then she froze, her eyes landing on another category. Best Duo Performance: Sharon and Alaska – Meet Alaska.

Sharon instinctively clutched her chest, the significance of Alaska’s very first video being up for a RuPorn Award not being lost on her. An involuntary ‘aw’ left her lips as her body was filled with warmth. Sharon flipped through her mental Rolodex of RuPorn knowledge, coming up blank as she tried to think of if another queen’s first video had ever been nominated.

This was huge. She couldn’t imagine how Alaska was feeling reading these nominations. Sharon kept scrolling, knowing she was about to hit the end of the list when she saw Alaska’s name for the last time.

“Oh my fucking god Cerrone! Alaska’s nominated for Best New Cummer!” Sharon cried, abruptly standing up from the couch and frightening the cat, who leaped up and away from the room at the ruckus.

Tears of joy sprang up in Sharon’s eyes as she stared at the screen, unable to control the smile on her face. It wasn’t even her that was nominated, she was just so vicariously happy for Alaska’s success.

A pang of sadness ran through her as she sat back down on the couch, realising that a week ago the two of them could have been sitting here, reading the nominations and sharing this moment together.

She needed to text Alaska, to congratulate her on her good news. Maybe this was the perfect way to start a conversation with her. Ideally, she would have preferred to congratulate Alaska in person, to tackle her onto the couch and shower her in kisses and love and everything else that she deserved.

But as Sharon swiped through her apps to get to her Messages, she accidentally hit her Instagram app from when she was browsing through Alaska’s profile from earlier. Suddenly a bright magenta circle swirled around Alaska’s icon, signaling she had uploaded a story. Sharon tapped the icon, her screen presenting a video of Alaska, Willam and a queen Sharon didn’t know in the back of a car.

“Aye, aye, aye!” the three of them chanted before they dissolved into fits of laughter. Alaska focused the camera on Willam.

“What’s the next line for our song?” she giggled, and Sharon’s heart fluttered at the sound of her voice. Alaska sounded so genuine and happy, her voice so close to the phone that it felt like she was talking to Sharon.

“Um, we’re out of things to say!” Willam sang, perfectly on pitch and in time with their improvised song. Alaska was cut off mid cackle as the video ended and instantly played the next part of the story.

It was a selfie of Alaska that she had taken in the back of the car. Even though it was dark, her phone’s built in ring light – the one Sharon had ridiculed when she first saw it – lit up Alaska’s features. She looked incredible. Sharon noticed her hair first, which had been curled. It was a different look for Alaska, but it looked amazing. Then Sharon noticed the pink jacket completed with the embellished lapels. It was such a statement, but the baby pink contrasted well with the blue eyeshadow Alaska was wearing, again something Sharon had never seen her in.

She looked absolutely amazing, and happy, and was surrounded by friends and nominations and on her way to a party where she would go out later tonight and hook up with someone that wasn’t Sharon because Alaska had moved on.

As if to make matters worse and confirm Sharon’s flare of jealousy, the story moved along to another video with more carpool karaoke. This time it was just Alaska, talking and singing to the camera in a fake husky voice.

“Our Uber driver is super cute, so we wrote him this song. Dear Uber driver, here’s a few thingsss you need to know, yeah. If you wanna take this full time woman for a riiiide,” she sang, drawing out the words. Willam and the other queen drowned out the end of her singing with laughter.

The story flipped over to its final part, which was a smiley photo of the three of them in the back of the car. Alaska had tagged them all, and Sharon’s gut dropped as she read the name typed underneath the face of the queen with the pink hair.

“We’re refilming the whole thing in a few days time with this new girl who will replace you. Her name’s Courtney,” Mathu had said this morning.

Sharon’s bottom lip began to quiver as everything clicked. Alaska had moved on. She looked better than ever. RuPorn had moved on. They had Courtney. Alaska and Courtney were friends. Everyone was friends and Sharon wasn’t part of any of this.

The story ended and Sharon’s phone returned to displaying Alaska’s Instagram page. Sharon glared at the screen, the idea to text her congratulations to Alaska now completely off the table. She double tapped her home button and swiped away Alaska’s gallery of images. She was met with the RuPorn nomination webpage.

Who are YOU rooting for? Tell us at #RuPornAwards! And don’t forget to vote for the only fan voted category, the Most Popular RuGirl Award, where every RuPorn queen is in the running!

Tune in here next week where the RuPorn Awards will be live streamed for the first time EVER!

Sharon almost dropped her phone at the last sentence. The awards had a tendency to become a bit of a (very entertaining) shit show. It was inevitable when that many queens were crammed into a single room. Add alcohol, a stage and a dash of competition, and you had one of the most memorable nights of the year.

Live streaming it was going to be very interesting.

“Welcome!” Raja yelled when she opened the door to her apartment, her ethereal form appearing in the doorway to greet the three blondes.

Alaska had never seen Raja in person, and the sight of her was breathtaking. The older queen wore a long yellow halter neck dress that floated around her as she moved, and yellow flowers were intertwined into her real greying hair, which she had braided and pinned up. Raja’s face was just as sculpted as her Amazon figure. Her high cheekbones drew Alaska’s focus to her big dark eyes, which were mysterious yet warm.

“Happy Birthday mama!” Willam cried, stepping forward and hugging the other queen. Raja wrapped her arms, which were decorated in tattoos, around Willam.

“Oh, let me introduce you all,” Willam said, realising Alaska and Courtney had never met the host.

“Hi, I’m Alaska,” she said, extending a polite hand like she was taught when she was little.

“Oh I know who you are!” Raja gushed. “You’re the woman of the hour with all your nominations! Come here.”

Raja brushed Alaska’s hand away and instead embraced her in a hug.

“And this is Courtney Act,” Willam said when the two pulled away. “She’s Australian, she’s just been signed up but they’re announcing her soon.”

“Hi,” Courtney beamed, practically speechless as she stood in front of a RuPorn legend. “Thank you so much for letting Willam bring a plus two.”

“Well look at you! You’re adorable!” Raja raved, pulling Courtney in for a hug, who couldn’t believe she was getting her own warm welcome. “And it’s no worries at all, the more the merrier. Besides, so you’re damn cute and small that you’re no inconvenience at all.”

Willam closed the door and the four of them made their way through Raja’s spacious apartment to the living room.

“Your flowers are gorgeous by the way,” Alaska said to Raja as she walked beside her.

“Aw thank you so much,’ Raja said, her eyes crinkling as she smiled, more genuine than she had before. “They were part of a birthday bouquet from Manila.”

As if on cue the queen appeared, coming to welcome them as she heard their voices at the door.

“Hello ladies!” Manila yelled as she shuffled over to them, a hot pink cocktail in each hand.

Manila was absolutely stunning. Her dark hair was pinned up, with wavy strands falling around her face. On anyone else the thick streak of blonde in her hair would have been a jarring contrast, but on Manila it worked. Like Raja, she had big eyes that were emphasised with dark eyeliner, but that was where their similarities stopped. While Raja had a calm nature, Manila was an exuberant force, her personality just as bright as the drinks she held.

“Manila!” Willam said, grabbing a drink out of one of her hands before hugging her. “This is Alaska and Courtney. You’ve seen Alaska’s stuff and Courtney is a yet to be announced RuGirl.”

Willam took a sip of the drink before pulling back, her face scrunching up at the taste. “Whoa fuck, these are strong, what did you even put in here?”

“I have no idea, but I’m already on my second,” Manila laughed. “Raven’s making them in the kitchen.”

“Of course,” Willam nodded, continuing to sip her drink.

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you Alaska,” Manila said. “Congratulations on all your nominations, you must be so excited!”

“Thank you! Yeah I am, it’s just crazy,” Alaska said, beginning to feel overwhelmed at the praise from such esteemed colleagues.

It was heartwarming when Willam and Courtney had congratulated her before, but that was a bit different. Willam was practically her best friend, and Courtney was a self admitted Alaska stan. Those reasons didn’t invalidate their words, but hearing support straight away from idols she had only just met was gratifying in a whole new way.

As Manila said hello to Courtney and chatted, Alaska let herself imagine Sharon congratulating her, if she ever did. Her heart would swell and she would step forward into Sharon’s open arms, pulling her in for a kiss before parting her lips, her tongue tracing Sharon’s—

“Let’s get you girls a drink!” Manila said, grabbing Alaska’s wrist and pulling her into the kitchen and out of her fantasy.

The girls rounded the corner to find the one and only Raven playing bartender in Raja’s kitchen.

“Hi ladies,” Raven said, a bottle of vodka in one hand and a silver cocktail jigger in the other.

Raven was magnificent. Raja and Manila’s makeup looked nonexistent compared to Raven’s flawless beat. Her liner was sharp, her contour was blended seamlessly, and her plump lips were perfectly overdrawn.

This was a queen. Alaska felt almost rude just walking into the room to meet her, a bow feeling more appropriate for the situation.

Instead, Alaska and Courtney were a chorus of hellos and little waves, blindly perching themselves on the kitchen stools and admiring Raven as she stood on the other side of the island, shaking the cocktail mixer.

“I’ll have what everyone’s having,” Courtney said, eyeing the pink drink Willam and Manila were sipping.

As the party continued in front of her, Alaska found herself observing Raja and Raven’s interactions. The words Aaron had said to her when they sat in the bath all that time ago swirled in her mind.

“When I first started at RuPorn there were all these rumours about Raja and Raven dating. Ru didn’t like that, and even though they both denied anything, where there’s smoke there’s fire. If they weren’t so popular I genuinely think they would have been fired.”

It almost sent a chill up Alaska’s spine as she imagined her and Sharon in their place, with their love for each other, something they couldn’t control, jeopardising their careers. She didn’t feel that way in the bath when Aaron had discussed his opinion on the situation. But now with her booming popularity and success, Alaska understood. It was just horrible timing that Sharon had come around to her idea when Alaska had changed her mind.

But as Alaska watched Raja talk with all the queens and Raven pour more shots than necessary into their drinks, she struggled to pick up a vibe between the two of them. Maybe it was the alcohol numbing her senses. Or maybe they had become experts in hiding their relationship. Or worse, maybe they weren’t together at all anymore.

The doorbell rang and Raja left to answer it.

Alaska wasn’t even one hundred percent certain Raja and Raven had been together, but Aaron was right. Where there’s smoke there’s fire, and if RuPaul had to intervene then something had definitely gone on.

“We have arrived!” called a voice from down the hallway.

Soon Katya appeared with an unfamiliar queen following in behind her and began greeting everyone. Alaska heard Raven snicker as they witnessed Katya’s outfit, which was a long sleeved button up dress made from brown gingham fabric. The black tights and short, blunt blonde bob with bangs made her look more like a school girl than a drag queen venturing off to the clubs later tonight. But Katya was Katya.

“Excuse me Willam, who said you could bring your female friend?” Katya said, her eyes alight and her smile infectious as she narrowed in on Courtney Act.

Courtney could help but giggle and blush at the sudden attention, and Katya’s mouth dropped at the sight of the petite little thing’s embarrassment.

“Oh my god, she’s like a beautiful bird,” Katya said to the queen she had brought along.

“This is Courtney Act, newest RuGirl and soon to be announced to the world,” Willam said.

Alaska squinted slightly, noticing for the third time tonight that Willam had introduced Courtney. Courtney was naturally a bit shy meeting everyone, but Alaska was beginning to notice a relaxed casualness about their dynamic. Maybe it was just Willam’s protective nature coming out, she would be the one initiating Courtney after all.

“Oh Trixie is new too!” Katya exclaimed, grabbing Trixie’s arm, even though she was right next to her.

“Hi, I’m Trixie Mattel,” Trixie said, holding back laughter as Katya cackled. There was obviously an inside joke going on that went over everyone else’s heads. Either that or they were just hyperactive. “I got signed last week, and apparently one of my first videos will be with Katya.”

Trixie was probably the most eccentric looking queen RuPorn had ever signed. Her makeup was exaggerated and doll like. Her black winged eyeliner dominated her features, but the white makeup under her eyes opened up her whole face, making her appear softer looking. Her voluminous blonde hair was a more natural tone compared to Katya’s, and the soft pink flower crown she wore matched her pastel pink dress. Alaska didn’t know how the RuPorn audience would welcome her, but she liked her immediately.

“Is that a nightgown?” Raven asked, and Katya exploded with laughter.

The party continued on into the night, the pink drinks flowing freely and the conversations getting louder as the queens got tipsier. Another RuGirl had arrived, Tatianna, who almost gave Courtney a run for her money as fishiest queen in the room. Tati was a legend, one of the first RuGirls ever and in a similar league to Raja, Raven and Manila. The four of them stood in the kitchen, celebrating their joint nominations and shrieking with drunken laughter.

Alaska had found herself hanging around with Willam and Courtney for most of the night, the three of them sitting on the couch and talking. Well, Willam and Courtney were talking, the two of them effortlessly jumping from one conversation to the next.

Alaska felt slightly isolated, wanting to insert herself into the conversation but having nothing to add. She had lost count of how many drinks she had consumed, so she blamed her quiet demeanour on the ridiculous cocktails Raven had concocted.

However as she raised her straw to her mouth, she knew the reason for her bout of loneliness wasn’t what, but who.

“Oh we need to have a drink to celebrate our nomination Alaska! Our threesome! Wait, where’s Sharon?” Katya called from outside on the balcony.

She, like many others, was drunk. She lounged on the two seat outdoor couch on Raja’s balcony, her legs draped over Trixie’s lap and her empty glass swaying in the air as she called to Alaska inside. Trixie didn’t mind Katya lying on her, her hand rubbing Katya’s leg absentmindedly as she talked.

Alaska rose from her spot from the couch, her heart racing as someone finally uttered the name that had been on her mind all night. But then the room spun, her lanky body stumbling as her high heels carried her Bambi like legs out onto the balcony.

“Whoa,” she said, leaning on the sliding glass door and steadying herself.

“To us,” Katya said, raising her glass in the air and clinking it against Alaska’s.

“I don’t think either of you should be drinking anymore,” Trixie said, a smile on her lips as she looked at Katya.

“Mama I’m fine!” Katya exclaimed, before her tone went serious. “Wait, why is my glass empty? Did you finish my drink?”

Trixie threw her head back and laughed. It was a deep, hearty laugh, one of those ones that starts in your gut and runs up through your chest. The sound was so carefree, escaping into the night air around them as the city traffic honked and beeped below.

Alaska could only stand there and watch, taking in just how excited and animated Katya was as she spoke to Trixie, tapping her shoulder to get her attention, even though Trixie’s eyes never left Katya.

Suddenly, the image of the two queens on the couch went blurry. Alaska blinked, thinking her contact lenses were becoming dry. Instead, her vision continued to be distorted, her rapid blinking warping her sight even more.

A single tear bubbled over Alaska’s lash line and dripped down her cheek, and Alaska realised she was crying. After feeling like she was on the verge of tears all week, her body had gone numb to the warning signs.

Katya and Trixie were still focused on each other, and Alaska quickly turned around and made her way straight to Raja’s bathroom. As she walked through the living room with her head down, she caught sight of Willam and Courtney sitting close on the couch, and heard the sound of the other queens laughing in the kitchen.

As she hastily made her way through Raja’s apartment, her throat tightened and she clenched her jaw, knowing if she let herself cry she wouldn’t be able to stop.

She breathed out in relief as she grabbed the bathroom door handle, twisting it open to escape inside. But as she quickly shut the door behind her and flicked the lights on, she was confused to see soft carpet underneath her heels, and a bed in the room as opposed to tiled walls, a shower and a sink.

But the most surprising thing of all was Raja and Manila, who sat on the bed with their hands running over each other as their lips connected.

Raja reacted first, instantly pulling away from Manila and flicking her head towards the intruder, her dark eyes narrowing in on Alaska’s watery ones.

Manila reacted slower, laughing as she saw Alaska pressed against the door, but still making no effort to take her hands off Raja.

“Oooh, we’ve been caught,” Manila giggled into Raja’s ear, clearly more intoxicated.

“Oh, I, I’m sorry,” Alaska fumbled out. She wanted to leave, but there was something about Raja’s unwavering gaze that made her stay in her place.

“No,” Raja said slowly, confirming her thoughts, “it’s okay.” She said it almost like a command rather than a reply.

There was a commotion outside where the rest of the party was, a muffled crash slicing through the tension in the bedroom, before being followed by Willam shouting “Courtney!”

“Nila,” Raja said, turning to the queen opposite her who sat with a dopey grin, “could you check on the girls outside? I think Willam just broke another one of my glasses.”

“Sure,” Manila said happily, pecking Raja on the lips before rising from the bed to slip past Alaska and out the door.

Then it was just the two of them, and Raja looked at Alaska, as if expecting something.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I’ll go-“

“No, come here,” Raja said, tapping the space next to her on the bed. Alaska obliged. There was something authoritative yet comforting about Raja.

They sat in silence for a moment, Alaska rapidly trying to figure out what was going on. But the alcohol slowed her thinking process down, as if her mind was trying to run in a dream.

Raja was very still, studying Alaska’s face before she opened her mouth.

“Well, now that you’ve seen us, I guess I should tell you. Manila and I are together.”

Alaska’s brows shot up, partly at Raja’s words, but mainly because she was so open and honest.

“Wow, that’s, wow. I had no idea,” Alaska said, forcing her mind to sober up. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I thought there was something going on between you and Raven?”

Raja grimaced before nodding her head and looking down.

“Yeah, about that. See, Manila and I have been together since we met basically.”

Alaska nodded, thinking about how Sharon and her had shared an instant attraction to each other.

“We kept it under wraps because we didn’t know how serious it was going to get. Plus, having a little secret was fun. But then, fans saw us together at a bar – out of drag and very close. So we both freaked. Well, I freaked. Manila wanted to come clean then and there and announce our relationship. But I didn’t. So, then I had the genius plan of trying to throw everyone off. I got closer with Raven, we interacted more online, we were seen at clubs together, all that kind of stuff.”

Raja stopped talking, and Alaska nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“Raven didn’t really know what was going on, but she went along with it anyway. Turns out, we were too good at throwing people off, and then everyone thought it was Raven and I who were dating.”

Raja shook her head and closed her eyes, suppressing the memories of the next part of the story.

“Long story short, our asses are hauled into the RuPorn offices in front of all the executives, but mainly Ru. They genuinely believed something was going on with Raven and I and they threatened to fire us if we kept it up.”

Alaska breathed in sharply. Sharon was right.

“But, why can’t you guys date?” Alaska asked, angry for Raja and Manila and everyone involved.

“It’s all about business to Ru. Keep your girls as accessible as possible. Plus, emotions make things messy,” Raja said, shrugging. “I don’t know, those were the reasons we got. We were more concerned that we were going to get booted from the company.”

“So, what happened with Manila and Raven?”

“We told Raven we were together and why I did what I did, and Raven hated me for a long time. I knew deep down she didn’t really, but she couldn’t believe I put her in that position to save Manila and I. I had no idea it would backfire the way it did. Since then Raven’s always been a bit cold towards Manila too. But we understand why.”

Alaska nodded, the earlier events finally making sense in her mind. No wonder there was no vibe between Raja and Raven. No wonder Raja had smiled so big when Alaska had complimented the flowers in her hair that were from Manila.

Alaska’s heart broke as she thought of Raja and Manila having to hide their love, having to escape their own parties to steal touches and kisses, even in their own home amongst their friends. How their relationship had almost gotten themselves and the people closest to them hurt.

Then Raja laughed slightly, a heartless laugh that felt forced.

“You know what the weirdest part of this whole thing is? Some fans still think Raven and I are together. And after hiding what I have for Manila all day, seeing comments about Raven and I together posted on my photos and stuff, having those ideas be so public, is so disorientating.”

Alaska opened her mouth to reply, but Raja cut her off, still on a train of thought.

“God, I just always wonder how things would have played out if I took Manila’s advice and we just came out. Totally public, no holding back. Once it’s out there it’s out there. And what would Ru be able to do then? I honestly doubt she would have fired us. It took me a while to realise it, but I think it was all the sneaking around that frightened Ru the most. The ability to not be in control.”

The two of them were silent as Raja’s words. Alaska’s heart thumped in her chest. An eerie feeling settled in her stomach, as if she was speaking to a prophet who had just shown Alaska her future.

And it frightened her.

“But, why are you telling me all of this? Like you could have just lied and said tonight was just a casual, one off thing, you know? And I would have believed you.”

“Because I know about you and Sharon.”

Alaska almost chocked.

She was stunned into silence at Raja’s natural reply, as if she was talking about something completely obvious, like the weather.

But it was also exhilarating hearing her words, having someone besides Sharon and herself mention their situation. It made everything feel more real, both the good and the bad.

“What—, how did you, I don’t know what is going on,” Alaska said with a frustrated sigh. She wished she wasn’t drunk. This was so much information to process.

Raja smiled, leaning to the side to bump her shoulder against Alaska’s.

“Honey, I saw those videos of you two together, I saw those looks you gave each other. You can’t fake that shit. Besides, Sharon was down for tonight for weeks now up until the eleventh hour, and now you’re all weepy? It just confirmed what I already knew. Also you’re drunk, and just then you didn’t deny anything, you just wanted to know how I knew.”

Alaska just looked into Raja’s warm eyes before her own filled with tears.

“Oh, darling, come here,” Raja said, pulling the crying queen into her arms.

Alaska let herself unravel completely in the safe embrace of Raja’s arms, a week of pent up emotion and tears flowing freely.

“I’ve ruined everything, I don’t even know if we’re together anymore. She hates me, and everything is a mess,” Alaska babbled, her words punctuated with sobs and her breath hitching sharply.

“If my relationship can survive the mess we made it into, I’m sure you and Sharon can do the same,” Raja said, rubbing Alaska’s back.

“But,” Alaska said, pulling away from Raja and sniffling, “even if she does take me back, we’d have to hide what we have.”

Raja just nodded, the understanding and heartbreak she shared conveyed in her eyes.

Alaska felt like she was losing Sharon all over again. She didn’t want to hide what they had, to live in fear of someone finding out about them. The thought of Raja sitting in the RuPorn studio getting scolded filled her with rage. Rage at RuPaul for not letting them date. Rage at the whole system. And almost rage at Raja, for not taking on Manila’s advice to go public. It hit Alaska that both Sharon and her had done the same thing to each other. She wondered if Sharon and her would be in this mess if the RuGirls before her paved a path for them.

But what did any of that mean now? Sharon didn’t want her.

“I can’t stay here anymore, I need to go home,” Alaska said, getting up to leave.

“Yeah of course, I’ll show you out,” Raja said. But before she reached the door she turned to Alaska.

“Hey, listen to me, I’m here for you, okay? I’m here for both you and Sharon. I don’t know what went down between the two of you, but if you ever need to talk, I get it.”

Alaska nodded, a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill over.

She grabbed a tissue from the box on Raja’s bedside table and dabbed at her damp cheeks. She couldn’t do anything about her bloodshot eyes.

“You can slip out the front,” Raja said as she opened the door, “I’ll just say you felt sick.”

Alaska left the bedroom with her head down, intending to reach Raja’s front door, but someone spotted her before she could escape.

“Hey girl,” Willam slurred, stumbling out a room opposite Raja’s bedroom, which Alaska realised was the bathroom she was looking for earlier.

“Whoa man,” Willam said, “your eyes are red!“

“Yeah,” Raja said, interjecting and saving Alaska. “We just smoked some weed. Do you want some?”

“Sure!” Willam replied, her drunken mind completely forgetting about Alaska.

Bless you Raja, Alaska thought.

Willam moved to leave, but remembered something and turned around as quickly as she could.

“Oh, funny story,” Willam said, her speech slurred. “So Sharon was fucking me this morning right, we’re doing our thing, and then when she cums she goes ‘Alllaassskkaa’”. Willam thrusted, pretended to hump the air. But her tight dress and intoxicated movements just made her look uncoordinated.

Alaska’s eyes widened, alarms going off in her mind.

“Really?” Alaska breathed.

“Yeah, whatta stupid bitch. Ruined the whole shot,” Willam said, snorting with laughter.

Alaska wanted to grab Willam by the shoulders and shake them, both out of happiness and frustration.

Thank you for this valuable piece of information, and why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner, she thought.

Willam stumbled away to join the rest of the party, and Raja and Alaska exchanged a look before Raja opened her mouth.

“Maybe Sharon doesn’t hate you after all.”

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