#just cause Michael was a bully so in return she’s rude back to him

[chloesimaginationthings]

You're version of Elizabeth is really sassy lol

At the end of the day, she’s still Michael’s little sister

[fernweh-writes]

What about slashers with a s/o who makes them flower crowns and brings them flowers she picks from outside

Again, I’m sorry this took so long to get to. In case y’all couldn’t tell I’m behind on filling asks… also it’s late and i’m half asleep so please ignore any typos and just do your best to read through them :/

-Fern🌿

S/O Bringing Flowers

Michael Myers

Michael will act unfazed whenever you hand him flowers. If it’s just a single flower you’ve picked, he’ll stick it in his pocket for safekeeping.

If you make him a flower crown he’s not going to put it on his head. The best way to get him to wear it is to set it on his head yourself. Michael may not be the one to put it on but he’s also not going to be the one to take it off.

Of course, he never really shows that the appreciates the sentiment, but he does. Michael enjoys the fact you bring him flowers and make him little things with them because it shows that you’re thinking about him, it proves you care.

Don’t be surprised if he starts bringing you little presents and trinkets as well. You bring him little gifts all of the time, he figures you’d appreciate it if he did the same for you!

Bo Sinclair

We can love him all we want, we all know he’s an asshole. So when you bring him flowers he’s going to tease you about it. Bo may even be slightly offended, flowers are for girls, not for men.

Really Bo just doesn’t know how to handle the fact your bringing him gifts. Don’t expect him to wear the flower crown you made but he’s definitely going to keep it because you made it for him.

Instead, he takes the flower crown from you and puts it on your head sometimes. When he does this, he has a tendency to call you princess.

If you find a small pile of wilted flowers in a poorly hidden spot, it’s best to not mention it. You worked hard to bring him those pretty little flowers, it would be a shame to just toss them out.

Vincent Sinclair

Absolutely adores it! Vincent probably knows how to press flowers and does so with the flowers you bring him pretty often so that he can keep them. Sometimes he’ll use the pressed flowers to make something for you.

He’s always okay with you placing a flower crown on top of his head. Eventually, he’ll reach the point where he just ignores Bo’s teasing. But, Vincent isn’t against you telling Bo off and it’s not like Bo will do anything to you as long as Vincent is around.

He’ll enjoy making flower crowns with you. Vincent also enjoys braiding flowers into your hair. They make you look like a cute little fairy. The flower crown just really tops it all off.

Encourages you to start a little garden by the house. He hates having you wander around in the woods all day looking for flowers. You could get hurt! If you’re going at least take Lester with you to make sure you come back safely.

Brahms Heelshire

A gift? For him? Brahms is absolutely thrilled that you bring him gifts and spend time making things for him.

Brahms has read a lot of old books, many of them are romance novels as well. So he immediately connects flowers with a declaration of your love for him. In other words, to Brahms it’s the equivalent of asking for your hand in marriage.

Call him a pretty boy after placing a flower crown on his head and you’ll get to see him blush. Brahms is a sucker for praise and will do just about anything if it means you’re complimenting or praising him in any way.

Also likes seeing you wear flowers. He may not know how to make flower crowns, but, when the two of you go on walks through the garden, he likes to tuck flowers behind your hair.

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas doesn’t really care about what you give him as a gift, it’s the thought that counts after all, but he can’t help but blush whenever you bring him flowers. It’s such an innocent and sweet gesture and he eats it up.

He learned to stop caring about others opinions a long time ago. But when the two men in his family make fun of him for accepting the flowers you bring him it upsets him.

Thomas won’t focus on being upset for long though. Especially not when you give him that bright smile and look at him with so much love and adoration.

Besides, you always call him cute/handsome when he bends down to let you put flowers on his head. He convinces himself that Hoyt and Monty just don’t know what they’re talking about.

Billy Loomis

Billy doesn’t know how to handle it. He tries to play it cool but inside he’s freaking out cause you just gave him a gift. So of course, his first instinct is to be rude and pretty much just an ass about it.

He’s a guy why would he want flowers? No he’s not putting your silly little flower crown on his head! But also at the same time, yes, please bring him more flowers, he love it. Please show him that you care, he will melt.

Takes is as a hint that you want flowers and so he starts bringing you small bouquets of flowers. What do you mean he didn’t have to? Isn’t this what you’ve been hinting about these past few weeks? No, Billy they’re just presents

Stu Macher

He’s a dork and he will proudly wear the flower crown you made him. If anyone tries to make fun of him for it, he’s not phased. Also, we all watched him bully Randy, he’ll make that person regret even thinking about making fun of you or him.

Will happily make flower crowns with you if you show him how to. Then the two of you can match!

Stu also likes picking random flowers for you so when you start to do the same it just becomes a little thing between the two of you to bring each other random flowers that you’ve found. Of course, you’ll still get fancy, overpriced bouquets from him every now and then.

Asa Emory

When you bring him a random flower you plucked off one of the neighbors bushes he tells you to throw it away. He’s a neat freak, he doesn’t want petals all over his house because it wilted after less than an hour.

Don’t try to put a flower crown on his head unless you have a death wish. Asa has a reputation to uphold after all, he’s not going to let it be ruined by some flowers.

Enjoys seeing you wear flower crowns though. Asa loves having a s/o who is more feminine and enjoys dressing up and wearing more “girly” things. Seeing you in a flower crown and a cute outfit? Sign him up.

If you add flowers to his bugs containers he just falls for you even more. Seeing you care for the bugs he’s interested in makes him happy. Plus, he does enjoy the way the flowers make their small enclosures look.

Jesse Cromeans

He will gladly take the flower from you and put it in the pocket of his suit. Would even let you pin it to his suit if he deems it worthy of touching the expensive material.

Won’t wear a flower crown but loves to see you wear them. They make you look like a princess so that’s what he will be calling you anytime you’re wearing one.

Of course, Jesse happily returns the sentiment and makes sending you flowers a frequent thing since you seem to enjoy them so much. This is something he does more often on business trips to remind you that he’s still thinking about you even though he’s gone.

[killerhatcanons]

Could u do a childhood friends hc with Trapper, The Shape and Ghostface?? 🥺🥺

Of course my friend! uwu

So we can imagine most of Michael‘s and Trapper‘s childhoods but I don’t think Danny has much of a background lore going as far soo I‘d personally also put him into a difficult household (even though I wish it were different) I also think I’ll put this one into a text form

TW: idek what to tag this with but I’m guessing abuse/domestic violence

The Trapper (Evan MacMillan)

Evan had always in a way idolized his father and his father had never deemed anyone worthy to get close to his son. Needless to say Evan didn’t have many friends at all when he was young. The other children were scared of his father and the stories their parents had told them about the MacMillan family. They were gruesome, as much as a parent would allow their child to hear but enough to ensure they would never want to get close to the MacMillan child.

You had always thought it was unfair. It wasn’t Evan’s fault that his dad was mean and you didn’t want him to sit alone over something he wasn’t responsible for. So you approached him and you kept approaching him even as he tried to push you away. He knew about the stories and he himself knew very well that his father wasn’t the kindest person. Time and time again had his father hit him for not following his orders, had thrown away his sketches and sent him to bed on an empty stomach as a punishment. He understood why others feared his father and he didn’t blame them. Even though he loved his father, he also despised him. He knew no one but him would endure his father’s punishments so when the tiny you approached him he tried his best to push you away. You were far too fragile, you couldn’t get close to him or his father. 

But you didn’t care. No matter how many times he rudely sent you away you always returned. And as time passed he felt himself slowly growing fond of you. You were nice to him, the only person that made him feel warm and he didn’t want you to leave him anymore. He wanted to keep your kindness, to keep the warmth you made him feel through the utter coldness he was accustomed to. So he allowed you to stay if only for a while which soon became longer and longer.

You played together in elementary school and he would protect you from anyone that even attempted to bully you. Or ask you out for that matter. He soon had to realize that he grew more and more possessive of you, that he didn’t want anyone to take you away from him. You had been with him since the beginning, had shown him kindness and understanding, had been there for him and took care of the bruises his father kept giving him. As cheesy as this sounded you had been his sun all along, naturally and selflessly giving him warmth without ever being asked to. His one and only friend.

Shit I might need to turn this into a fiction maybe? haha we’ll see

The Shape (Michael Meyers)

Michael had always been the silent child in your kindergarten group. First everyone thought he was just a little shy but you soon realized that he simply refused to speak. Of course your teacher tried to convince him to talk, even had a meeting with his parents but they assured that he learned speaking, however at one point simply stopped any form of communication. To the adults he was a hopeless case. They tried desparately to change him, but he wouldn’t budge. 

To you he was a welcome friend. You didn’t mind his silence, you knew he was listening to you and you could still play together. Well, it was mostly you telling him what to do with the toys, because he himself wouldn’t do anything besides holding them in his hand, but that wasn’t much of an issue to you. 

Of course you tried to get him to play with your other friends too, but his lack of enthusiasm often got in the way and the other kids got scared of his silent and emotionless behavior. However, even when they told you to, you refused to stop playing with Michael. Yes, he was a little odd, but that didn’t make him a bad child (killing his sister later lowkey did tho oop) so you didn’t want him to be alone. Everyone needs some company, right? 

Over time you noticed, that he would remember what you had told him to do with the toys, instead of simply holding them, to which you would give him a big smile.

This improvement you saw in his behavior made you even sadder when one day he stopped coming to the kindergarten. At first you had thought he was sick, but weeks went on without a single trace of him or his parents.

Upon asking you own they had told you he was sent to another kindergarten instead, that was specialized on children like him. You were sad of course, but you accepted it, hoping he would find more friends to play with now. 

You only later found out he was sent to an asylum instead of another kindergarten.

The Ghostface (Danny Johnson)

Danny Johnson did not have the nicest childhood imaginable. After her divorce his mother didn’t become directly abusive to him, more so the alcohol. 

He liked to think that the slurring woman bruising him wasn’t his mother, that it was simply someone else, someone more aggressive trying to be her. He didn’t want to think his mother hated him, he didn’t want to believe she would bruise him, would shout at him and blame him for what had happened to her marriage. 

Even as a young boy he knew to cover his bruises. He loved his mother, he didn’t want her to be alone even though the woman the alcohol brought out of her hurt him in every way possible. But it was his fault right? His dad didn’t want him so he left him and his mother. He was responsible and the least he thought he could do was let her let out her pain on the person responsible for her misery.

In school he didn’t talk much to anyone. He was a rather shy kid, not wanting to cause anymore trouble for anyone. At lunch he sat alone, but he didn’t mind. He also didn’t mind being called weird or gross for his greasy long hair or the bags under his eyes. Not that he wanted to talk to anyone about himself anyways. Not even to you as you approached him. 

You had watched him sit alone for a long time. He looked sad, restless, sometimes even scared and despite not even knowing him, it hurt you to see anyone in this state. So you went to talk to him. However, it took a while for him to stop avoiding you as best as he could and he eventually opened up to you a bit. He still didn’t tell you about the abuse until you reached middle school, but when he did you were determined to help him, to clear his understanding of him not being responsible for anything and to get him a new home. 

With the help of your parents you were able to get him out of his household and soon find a acquainted family that was willing to take him in. The Olsens tried their best to provide him with everything he needed. And while you knew it would take time for him to heal, you were relieved he was part of a loving family now, that would help him back onto a safe track. 

You couldn’t have known that the damage to Danny’s brain had already been done and there was no way of saving him from the twisted prison of his own mind.

OOK THESE ARE WAY DARKER THAN YOU PROBABLY WANTED BUT I OOP GOT CARRIED AWAY 

I can attempt to make it more wholesome a second time if you want these were just the most logical things that came to my mind haha... honestly idk but I usually think that someone isn’t just yk born a killer (except Michael maybe pfft) so I came up with some uhm logical upbringings to the boys haha yeet..

Anyways I’m considering turning the Evan and Ghosty one into their own separate story thingsies. Kinda hard to do something with Michael bc uhm Psychiatry but possibly something with a reader that’s also in treatment or we pull a Harley Quinn sometime who knows! 

For now I hope you aren’t too mad that this was so... dark instead of cute oop >:)) if you’re mad just let me die on the hook next time pffft

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, July 13

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Black Lives Matter protests cause right-wing owned tabloid to freak out 

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Paris Jackson sports a new neck tattoo and pierced nose, Chris Pratt used his foot on the crosswalk button with pregnant wife Katherine Schwarzenegger, Ali Larter 

Page 3: Norman Reedus and his motorcycle, Jeff Bridges during an online video appearance, Amber Rose running errands in Venice 

Page 4: Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell holed up in Paris -- Prince Andrew breathes easier as she nixes deal with feds, Hollywood hotshot Steve Bing who was a close pal of hanged pedophile Jeffrey Epstein jumped off the roof of his luxury L.A. apartment  

Page 6: Despite being at the age when most people are close to retirement aging pop divas Cher and Madonna are locked in a ferocious feud one that first exploded 35 years ago -- Cher thinks Madonna is vulgar and classless and all washed up while Madonna thinks Cher is past her prime and just jealous of someone who is younger and sexier and more talented

Page 7: Glen Campbell’s widow Kim Campbell says he had drug and alcohol addictions, Kurt Cobain’s famed guitar fetched a record-breaking $6 million at auction 

Page 8: In the latest twist in the battle over James Brown’s will his “widow” Tomi Rae Hynie has been cut out of his $100 million estate -- in a bombshell decision the South Carolina Supreme Court ruled Tomi Rae never ended an earlier marriage and was not legally wed to the Godfather of Soul but the nearly 14-year legal skirmish isn’t over yet with the couple’s son James Brown II forced to go to court to get his share of the estate 

Page 10: Jean Kennedy Smith took a shocking secret to her grave -- she approved of her brother Bobby Kennedy’s affair with Marilyn Monroe 

Page 11: Jennifer Aniston has rushed to aid troubled pal Matthew Perry who’s reportedly in a funk after splitting with his girlfriend following years of battling booze and drug and weight demons, Kid Rock’s Nashville watering hole has its beer permit briefly yanked for breaking a local coronavirus health rule

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Jay Leno at a gas station in Burbank (picture), Kristen Stewart chosen to play Princess Diana in Spencer but the casting isn’t a popular one, Lisa Rinna wears nothing but sunglasses to plug designer Christian Cowan’s shades, Lindsay Lohan’s troubled mom Dina Lohan is once again engaged to a online beau who’s she never met in person 

Page 13: Miles Teller waits for a mechanic to fix his car (picture), Abby Lee Miller is all smiles despite Lifetime dumping her show after she was accused of making racist remarks (picture), Claudia Wells of Back to the Future (picture), Gwyneth Paltrow is hyping another provocatively named aromatic candle this time called This Smells Like My Orgasm

Page 14: Michael Keaton is headlining a new eight-episode Hulu series called Dopesick based on the book of the same name, Marie Osmond doesn’t mind being riddled with a multitude of ugly surgical scars because they remind her of all she’s been through, Fashion Verdict -- Natasha Alam 7/10, Anna Chlumsky 5/10, Rachel Bilson 2/10, Donna D’Errico 4/10, Sunny Malouf 3/10 

Page 16: Bill Cosby can appeal his 2018 sexual assault conviction as the Pennsylvania Supreme Court has agreed to review two aspects of the case he is challenging, Miley Cyrus swears she’s been sober for more than 6 months, Little Rascals actor Brandon “Bug” Hall was arrested for allegedly huffing air duster cans at a Texas hotel 

Page 17: Battling exes Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have called off their ferocious feud and mended fences so they can share a fun family vacation together with their six kids 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Kelly Reilly

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 23: Supermodel Ashley Graham boasted a hole in her cover-girl smile after breaking the veneer off her front tooth on a cookie, jealous Gwen Stefani is returning to The Voice so she can keep tabs on boyfriend Blake Shelton and soon-to-be-single Kelly Clarkson 

Page 24: Cover Story --  Experts tell Globe that America is on the road to total anarchy and national security threatens to be shattered during Fourth of July celebrations 

Page 26: Health Report 

Page 30: Senior White House adviser Kellyanne Conway gets a new face -- sporting a startlingly smoother face and looked decades younger 

Page 32: Lovelorn Reba McEntire is finally ready to date again after her searing 2019 split with Anthony “Skeeter” Lasuzzo, Sopranos tough guy James Gandolfini once threatened to beat the f**k out of Harvey Weinstein because of the movie mogul’s bullying ways 

Page 36: Don’t Come Back! Stars banned for bad behavior -- Madonna was berry rude, Ariana Grande takes a licking, Lindsay Lohan’s Chateau no-no 

Page 37: Blake Lively Disney disaster, Kathy Griffin’s lips zipped, Hugh Grant mouthed off on The Daily Show, Alec Baldwin floored by unwelcome mat 

Page 40: Real Life 

Page 42: Scientologist actor Danny Masterson is a Hollywood pariah after being slapped with three felony charges of rape -- no one will hire him and his former BFF Ashton Kutcher is keeping his distance, Raven-Symone wed girlfriend Miranda Maday in a backyard ceremony 

Page 44: Straight Talk -- handing money to Mama June Shannon is dopey madness 

Page 45: Dale Earnhardt Jr. is raring to make a comeback in the NASCAR championship series but he’s sadly conceded the brain damage he’s suffered in the sport has likely ended his racing days forever 

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback -- Tom Cruise and Rebecca De Mornay in Risky Business, Bizarre But True 

[sweetie-buttons]

If Wade and Michael met

Wade: Ugh, my brother is the worst.

Michael: He can’t be worse than my sister.

Wade: Oh, please. Did your sister ever run over your bike?

Michael: No, but she did damage mine by jumping on it and leaving a scratch. And did I mention it was the bike I got on my birthday?

Wade: That is a bit of a coincidence, but I bet your parents didn’t blame you for that.

Michael: Well, not exactly, but they might as well have. They were just concerned about whether she could’ve hurt herself and scolded me for not caring about her possible injuries, even though it would’ve been her own fault if she gained any.

Wade: Okay, this is getting kind of freaky. When my brother ran over my bike, my parents said it was an accident blamed me for leaving it in the driveway. Can you believe that?

Michael: Yes, I can, because of all the times my parents blamed me for everything Tara did to me. They just think she’s so cute and innocent just because she’s younger than me.

Wade: Tell me about it. Mine think Micah is so perfect, just because he gets straight As and is good at soccer. 

Michael: Mine think I should take care of Tara because I’m older and she looks up to me. Yeah, sure. If the times she looks up to me to poke me in the eye count.

Wade: Mine think I should look up to Micah, because he’s older.  And I don’t even want to think about the time he read my diary over the loudspeaker at the local swimming pool. Did I mention that said diary revealed my crush on a boy who was at the pool and heard everything?

Michael: Sounds bad, but it couldn’t be as humiliating as the time my sister led the girl I have a crush on into my room while I was changing and she saw me in my underwear. She almost ruined every chance I had with her.

Wade: Okay, this is really starting to get freaky. My brother wore his underwear on my head in front of my friends and crush. SO embarrassing.

Michael: Um...what? And you’re the one who was embarrassed by that?

Wade: Okay, looking back on it, it doesn’t make much sense, but at the time, it was the most embarrassing thing ever.

Michael: I bet your brother didn’t ever make you get beaten up.

Wade: No, he just does that himself. One time, he shoved me into a bathtub.

Michael: I bet that didn’t leave as many bruises on you as the time my sister planted a bully’s baseball cap in my backpack, leading me to get beaten up by said bully. I don’t call her “Tara the Terrible” for nothing.

Wade: I don’t spell Micah C-R-E-E-P for nothing, either. And that’s when I’m not spelling his name J-E-R-K or E-N-E-M-Y.

Michael: I always spell Tara’s name B-R-A-T.

Wade: Okay, top this. I’m going to tell the worst thing Micah ever did to me. It goes beyond just embarrassing diaries and mangled bikes.

Michael: I’m listening.

Wade: Okay, so at one point, I decided I had had enough of my brother’s treatment of me and decided to get revenge.

Michael: So did I. I decided to damage the cuckoo clock my dad bought and frame it on her. After all the times she got me in trouble for what she did, can you really blame me?

Wade: Oh, I tried to get revenge before that, actually. I tried putting slugs in his coffee during a date he had with his girlfriend, but then my mom came in and drank it instead. And then when Micah said I was the one who made the coffee, she told me to stop picking on him.

Michael: Oh, tell me about it. I’ve lost count of the times my parents tell me to “stop picking on your little sister”. But does she ever pick on me? No. I’m always the one being mean to her, and never the other way around.

Wade: I empathize, but I believe I was telling a story before you so rudely interrupted?

Michael: Sorry. Proceed.

Wade: Anyway, where was I...oh, right. I decided to get revenge, and I did this with a company I found in a newspaper ad called “Revenge R Us”. Based on the title, I thought it’d be able to help me get back at Micah, so I went there and a woman named Iris said she’d be able to help me get revenge on my brother, and I told her I wanted something really, REALLY horrible. Something to make him regret every time he even thought about tormenting me. My first revenge was that Micah would become so itchy that he’d eventually scratch all his skin off.

Michael: Wow. That’s harsh.

Wade: What did I say about interrupting? And are you seriously blaming me, after all the things I said Micah did to me?

Michael: Sorry, couldn’t resist. And no, I was saying it in admiration. I wish I could’ve done something equally horrible to Tara. Did the revenge work out?

Wade: Sadly, no. Instead, I was the one who started becoming itchy. I could barely stand it. I scratched myself so hard I was bleeding. For a moment, I thought I was going to die. I really did.

Michael: Wow...do you know what happened to me when I damaged the cuckoo clock?

Wade: What?

Michael: No annoyance at me interrupting?

Wade: Eh, I’m starting to mind it less. Anyway, what happened?

Michael: I started going back in time. Every time I went to sleep, I woke up younger. The first time, I had to repeat my birthday party that Tara ruined - the one I mentioned where she damaged my brand new bike. I know, you probably don’t believe me.

Wade: Um, did you miss the part where I said a spell caused me to itch uncontrollably? Time travel doesn’t seem too far-fetched in comparison. And did your birthday end up better than before, now that you know how to prevent those things from happening?

Michael: No, unfortunately. Everything bad still happened to me. I tried to stop it, but it seemed like Tara was destined to ruin my day. But anyway, back to your story. What happened next?

Wade: I returned to Iris and she reversed the itching spell. Then I asked her to make it up to me with another revenge.

Michael: Wait. You actually asked her for another revenge? After what happened last time?

Wade: I know, I know. It was stupid looking back on it, and I could’ve saved myself from a lot of trouble if I just ran away from her while I had the chance.

Michael: About as stupid as me not trying to prove to my parents and sister that I was going back in time by predicting things that would happen since I had already lived through them, instead of just insisting I was time traveling.

Wade: Well, your brain might’ve been regressing as you became younger, so you might not have been as smart. I don’t have any excuse for continuing to trust that woman.

Michael: Yes, you do. From what I’ve heard of your brother, any sane person would want revenge against him. It might’ve not been too smart of a move, but I can’t blame you too much.

Wade: Oh. Well, thanks, I guess.

Michael: No problem. Your brother doesn’t sound too different from my sister, so I can relate. Anyway, what was your second revenge?

Wade: It was for Micah to lose chunks of his hair and become bald. But instead...

Michael: Let me guess, you became bald instead?

Wade: No. Actually, the opposite happened. I started growing hair everywhere. To the point where a bunch of dogs mistook me for one of them. And then when I returned to Iris, she suggested the problem was that the revenge requests won’t work if I’m present while she casts them. You see, she had a magic crow that she used to grant my requests. So she instructed me to go home while she thought of a perfect revenge for Micah, one that she claimed would solve all my problems regarding him.

Michael: Sounds good. So what happened?

Wade: Well, she wasn’t lying. She did solve my problems...by causing him to vanish from existence.

Michael: Wait a minute. You’re joking, right? Literally the exact same thing happened to my sister, thanks to me knocking her birth year off the cuckoo clock. And I have to say, I don’t miss her one bit.

Wade: Woah, really? I hate my brother, but I wouldn’t go so far as wishing death on them. In fact, when I thought he had disappeared, I felt guilty about it.

Michael: Hmm. Well, I guess we’re just different in that regard.

Wade: So I returned to Iris, and she said the spell she cast was too powerful and there was almost nothing she could do to reverse it. However, there was one way. She said she had an evil twin sister who had also had a crow, and I had to steal it from a house to bring Micah back. However, she warned me that it was extremely dangerous and I could suffer the same fate as my brother - being vanished from existence.

Michael: And you risked your life to save him? Despite everything he had done to you?

Wade: Yeah, though I’m questioning now whether it was worth it. And here’s the important part. Listen carefully during this next bit.

Michael: Okay. What happened?

Wade: Well, I entered the house, and saw a woman sleeping. I assumed it was Iris’s sister, and I was just about to steal the crow I saw when the woman grabbed me. And guess what? The woman...was Micah.

Michael: ...What?

Wade: Yes. It turns out he saw the newspaper ad in my room and predicted that I’d seek help from the company, so he went to Iris beforehand and paid her $300 so that all my revenge wishes would backfire on me.

Michael: Why? Why would he do that?

Wade: He said it was to get revenge on me.

Michael: What? Revenge for what? What did you do to him?

Wade: That question remains unanswered. And he knew all the horrible things that happened to me, and he was happy about it. He was happy about the itching and hair growing I had to suffer. He was talking about it with such glee.

Michael: Oh, wow. I’m going to say your brother is a bit worse than my sister.

Wade: Well, I’d say they’re about equal. Your sister might be a bit worse considering that she’s younger than you. How old is she, exactly?

Michael: Seven.

Wade: My brother is seventeen. Your sister might be worse since she’s so young and yet so horrible.

Michael: I don’t know...what your brother did, paying that woman so much just so that she’d torture you? I’d say that’s worse than anything Tara did to me.

Wade: I guess it’s a tie.

Michael: I guess.

Wade: Oh, and don’t get me started on Micah. I could go on and on. Like that time he...sorry, you probably don’t want to hear my whining.

Michael: I’m listening...as long as you’re willing to listen to me whine incessantly.

Wade: It seems only fair, after that story I told you.

Michael: Okay, you go first.

Wade: Alright. Well, there was this time when Mom told him to clean his room and...