#just kidding im getting ready for halloween but also. coping

[pearlswine]

Vampire looks

[hopelikethemoon]

Therapy Session (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Therapy Session Rating: PG Length: 2000 Warnings: Mild Angst. Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set in January 1999.  Summary: Reader goes to therapy after the holidays.

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Nancy carefully removed her glasses sitting them atop her desk before opening a drawer and pulling out a glasses cleaning cloth. “How were the holidays?”

You watched her hands as she wiped each lean carefully, inspecting them for smudges. 

“Surprisingly relaxing.” You offered, shifting on the sofa as your gaze flickered towards the clock on the wall. Javier had agreed to joining you for today’s session — at Nancy’s prompting. 

“You slipped your December session,” Nancy pointed out. 

“It was a busy month.” You pushed your fingers through your hair nervously. “But a good one. We went to Laredo for Thanksgiving, came back and went headfirst into planning for Christmas.”

“And how did Christmas go?”

“Really well,” You caught your lip between your teeth, hesitating for just a second. “Mitch and his family came down from Philly. It was good to see him again. All of them, really.”

“So you did follow through with that,” Nancy tilted her head, her eyes meeting yours briefly. “Did it bring any memories back to the surface?” She questioned.

“I…” You started glancing down at your hands. “There have been a lot of memories since October.” 

“And how does it feel to be addressing them again? Based on your session in November,” Nancy flipped open her notebook. “You repressed quite a bit of your childhood.”

“Yes.” You agreed. “But, Javier was incredible and let me vent about the past. He kept me grounded. He was so understanding.”

She nodded, making a note in the book. “How have you been managing the memories? 

You blinked, “I’m not running from them, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“I mentioned nothing about running.”

“No, but…” You frowned. “It’s just the impression I get. After the last session—“

“When it became clear that you avoided addressing deeply traumatic aspects of your life during your subsequent visits?” Nancy arched a brow at you as she replaced her glasses, peering at you over the rims. “Why is it that you see yourself as running from your trauma?”

“Because I’ve moved past it.” You said with an edge to your voice, “Would you prefer that I dwell on it?” You questioned. “It would keep me coming back, wouldn't it?”

Nancy made a note in the book, “Defensive.” 

You folded your arms across your chest, “I spent sixteen years living in the trauma and five trying to grow out of it.” You gritted out. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t second guess my actions out of fear that I’ve become her.”

“So you haven’t moved past it?”

“No, I—“

Nancy gave you a skeptical look. “It’s not uncommon to feel like your trauma is ever present, but you have to accept and address that. You can’t simply pretend it away.” 

“I have addressed it.” You retorted. “I’ve packed it up, stamped a label on it, and have it ready to ship.” 

Nancy shook her head, “Trauma is never fully overcome, it's a process you have to work at.” She jotted another note down. “You mentioned feeling like you’ve become her… Would you care to elaborate?”

You chewed on your thumbnail, looking away from her for a long moment. “I stress about motherhood. I’m consciously aware of doing everything the opposite of what she did while raising my girls. I want them to have everything I didn’t have.”

“Like what?”

“Love.” You answered without hesitation. “Javier and I love each other in a way my mother was never capable of loving her partners. And on top of that, I try to show them the love they deserve. That’s part of the reason why I ended up here to begin with. The way I felt after Sofía was born scared me.”

Nancy nodded, glancing down at the notebook. “The fact that you’re aware of your actions, would indicate that you’re not following the same patterns as your mother.”

“I hope I’m not.” You sighed heavily, looking towards the door as someone knocked at it. “That’ll be Javier.” You told Nancy as she got up to answer the door. 

“Welcome,” Nancy ushered him in. “We were just finishing our first half of the session.” She gestured to you, “Please, sir.” 

Javier sank down onto the sofa beside you, reaching over to take your hand into his. “How are you doing, baby?” He questioned, lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle. 

You shrugged, “We’re about ten minutes into — why I didn’t address the mother elephant in the room.”

He squeezed your hand three times.

“How have you been, Javier?” Nancy questioned as she sat down at her desk again. “How were the holidays?”

“I’ve been good.” He answered, shifting on the sofa as he got comfortable. “We went to see my pops for Thanksgiving, took the girls and the dog and made a week of it.” Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, glancing at you. “Did you tell her about your brother coming to visit?”

You nodded. 

“How did that go?”

“Really well,” Javier offered, shrugging a shoulder. “Christmas Eve we had friends and family altogether to welcome them, “Christmas morning was just family.” 

Nancy nodded, “We didn’t get to meet after the Halloween incident.” She flipped through her notebook. “How did you cope with the scenario?”

“How did I cope?” He cocked his head to the side. “Frankly, it wasn’t about how I felt during it. I was merely there to stand up for her.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. 

“But given what I was told, it seems that her mother antagonized you. How did that make you feel?” 

Javier cleared his throat, rubbing his hands together. “Not great, but after our relationship ended up in the public spotlight, I learned to ignore outside commentary.” 

You reached out and ran your hand down his back, “Rebecca knows where to strike.” You added. “She would’ve lashed out similarly to any man in my life. She knew that my father was my lifeline and she always saw any male figure in my life as a threat.” 

Javier nodded his head in agreement. “We worked through it. I listened, I comforted… everything you taught us to do after Sofía was born.”

Nancy hastily wrote in her notebook, “On a scale of one to ten, how well do you think the situation was handled.” 

He blinked, “Nine?”

You pursed your lips and nodded in agreement, “I’d say nine too.”

“Interesting.” Nancy hummed and your expression fell. 

“Interesting?”

“Nothing negative about interesting,” She assured you. “And how has your intimacy been? Has it suffered during this tumultuous period?”

You felt your cheeks warm as you shook your head, “No, it’s been good.”

“A few stolen minutes when the girls are asleep,” Javier added, staring at the ground.

“There was also the night at the ranch,” You pointed out, leaning your arm against his. That had been a risky endeavor, considering you were very much not alone. “And we were kid free for New Year’s Eve.”

Nancy nodded and took a few more notes before closing her notebook and looking between the two of you, “What are the faces for?”

You felt Javier tense beside you, “Nothing we’re comfortable with sharing right now.” You told Nancy, looping your arm through his. “Just rest assured that we’ve got intimacy covered. No dry spells here.” 

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “Definitely no complaints here.” 

You fought the smirk that was playing at the corners of your lips. New Year’s Eve had been all of two days ago — and the memory of Javier writhing beneath you was still vivid in your mind. 

But that was not a conversation for therapy. 

Nancy hummed thoughtfully as she sat her glasses atop her notebook. “Continue addressing the situation head-on,” She advised. “You can patch the wounds of trauma, but they’ll still ache. Continue discussing it with each other.” She fixed Javier with a stern look. “I suggest opening up about your own mother.”

Javier shifted in his seat, “Alright.” 

“Have a lovely rest of your month,” Nancy said as you both rose from the sofa to leave. 

“That was—“ You cut yourself off, shaking your head slowly. “I shouldn’t have skipped December.”

“Hey,” Javier caught your hand, pulling you towards him. “December was crazy.”

“I don’t actually want to rehash things.” You told him. “Mitch and I had a walk down memory lane and that’s about all I can stomach for right now. Rebecca doesn’t get to live rent free in our relationship.”

He nodded and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “If you don’t feel like you need to work on it right now, don’t.” 

You sighed heavily, digging your teeth into your bottom lip. “I didn’t even get to talk about starting at the university next week.”

“Still a good session?”

You shrugged, “It’s good to talk about everything with a third party. I cried my heart out in November, this month didn’t really have anything left to give.”

Javier interlaced your fingers and guided you out of the office building and down to the car. He was clearly trying to make up for you being disappointed with the session, because he made a point to open the passenger door for you. 

You loosely tied your hair back into a knot as you got yourself settled in your seat. “Thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to.”

He squeezed your knee briefly, before starting up the car and backing out of the parking spot. “Baby, I’ll do whatever I have to, to help you.” 

You smiled to yourself, looking out the window. “I’m really fine.” You assured him. “I’m not gonna spiral because of any of this. I did that in November and I’m not doing it again.”

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, giving a stiff nod. “What else did you discuss?”

“Uh,” You scrunched up your nose. “The holidays, Mitch, my mother. Rehashed some of the last session briefly.” You shrugged. “I felt like she was hoping I might unload. But I’m so done dwelling on the past, Javier.”

“Me too, baby.” 

“You know I worry about becoming her. About curbing those impulses when they strike.” 

Javier nodded. 

You pressed your tongue to the inside of your cheek and sighed heavily. “It was only sixteen years of my life.” You reiterated. “I’m pushing forty. I’ve got my only family to worry about.”

“And you’ve done a fucking amazing job, baby.” He assured you. 

“It’s just bullshit,” You laughed harshly. “Isn’t it something that I overcame my hang ups when Josie happened? I never could imagine all of this,” You gestured vaguely between. “Because I had no reference of healthy relationships aside from Mitch and Darla. Not to speak ill of the dead, because I know my mother was a monster, but my father still left me with her. You know? And I just assumed it would… repeat.” 

“I know.” None of it was new information for Javier. 

“I mean, did Nancy want to hear me admit again that I still wake up in the middle of the night terrified that you left me?” You pressed your palms over your eyes and let out a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He rubbed your leg. “How about pizza tonight?” Javier questioned, expertly changing the subject.

You perked up a little, “Extra cheese.” You said, snapping your fingers and pointing at him. “And you can order your monstrosity.”

“Blame Monica.”

“Pineapple doesn’t go on pizza, Javier.” You scolded him, but ended up snorting as you started to laugh. 

“Did you just snort?” Javier started laughing, slapping his hand against the steering wheel as he stopped at a light. “Baby!”

“Hey, pineapple… and ham pizza is a divorceable offense.” You managed to get out between laughs. 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Maybe not, but I can threaten it.” You teased, wiping at the tears that had slid down your cheeks from laughing so hard. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” Javier reminded you and you felt your heart warm at those words. Still, after all this time they made you swoon. What would you do without him?