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[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Hi I'm Phoenix and welcome to my twist- *gets taken out by sniper fire*

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[thehonestmommy]

What I wish people told me about postpartum life

There is a TON of advise and guidance on what to expect when you are pregnant. Theres even more about how to handle every little cough, hiccup, and milestone that your baby goes through. But theres something in between thats severly lacking in conversation and warning. Postpartum life. Im not talking about how tired you will be or how your house will turn into a toy store. I mean the little things that will likely take you by surprise unless a well meaning friend shares it with you. Because for some reason, we as a society dont talk about the post partum mom, except for breasfeeding, baby weight, and stretch marks. But let me tell you, there is a whole lot more than that.

Well, as the over-sharer that I am, allow me to prepare you for the things that never get spoken about, and might surprise you about life after pregnancy. Here are some of the things I had to learn on my own, and that I wish someone told me about so I was more prepared.

WARNING: I’m gonna get personal and gross right from the get-go. Buckle up.

You will sweat…profusely

Seriously. My first night after giving birth, I was so sweaty. But I passed it off as just part of recovery. I mean, I did just spend 3 days pushing a human out of my body, I’m understandably sweaty. But then the next night, same thing. And the following night, too. For weeks and weeks it continued. I would wake up at night to feed my baby and be soaked, almost like I had the flu! I felt disgusting, and was constantly changing clothes. But the more I questioned other moms (online and in mom groups) the more I realized we all were experiencing this to some degree….we just wen’t talking about it. I mean, sure. It’s a bit embarrassing, especially if you aren’t a person who sweats very much under normal circumstances. But it woulda saved us all a lot of embarrassment if it was something we were told was par for the course! No need to worry, soggy momma. You are normal.

You will smell

This goes hand in hand with being sweaty. But it’s so much more than that. I was constantly getting whiffs of my own body odour…and boy was it bad. And it wasn’t the typical B.O. smell I’d get if I’d done some cardio and wasn’t able to shower straight away. This was a whole other beast. I kept trying to compensate for smelling horrible by saying it out loud and apologizing. But my mom and my husband kept reassuring me that they couldn’t smell a thing. But how couldn’t they?! I was so rank. Im telling you, it was so bad that I would shower, and sniff my pitts after soaping up while SILL IN THE SHOWER and I could still smell myself. Seriously. No amount of soap or scrubbing was making this go away.

But heres the thing. No one around me could smell it (or at least they wouldn’t tell me so) except my baby. You see, this is a special function of a breastfeeding mom. You take on a unique signature scent that helps your young baby identify you. And as they grow and their senses develop, the stench (or strength of it) fades away.

If i had known this before it happened, maybe I wouldn’t have cried in the shower after scrubbing my armpits raw.

Postpartum insomnia is a thing

We all know that new parents have a hard time sleeping. But I always thought it was because

A) The baby keeps you awake with its very loud singing, practicing for auditions on The Voice, B) The baby being asleep makes you freak out that its too still to be breathing , or C) You cant stop watching this adorable little chubby mini-me peacefully sleeping

So, it really surprised me when my baby started sleeping through the night, but I did not. I didn’t feel anxious. I wasn’t plagued of thoughts about my baby’s safety. And even though I loved watching him sleep, I was cool with rolling over and enjoying my much needed rest. But, no matter how tired I was, the sleep wouldn’t come. I would lay awake, utterly exhausted. I would just nodd off and the baby would wake. Every 5 nights or so, I would sleep. Yes, you read that right. I would only sleep after about 4 full sleepless nights. Those 4 to 5 days were torturous cat naps only. After about a month of this, I went to my Dr because I thought something was seriously wrong. She knowingly chuckled when I explained what was going on. “Postpartum insomnia” she said. Apparently, it’s a hormone thing. Not every woman experiences it, but it’s not uncommon. “it will go away when you are done breastfeeding, most likely.” Oh. My. God. Are you kidding me? My kid is finally sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time, and now I cant, and wont, until i’m done breastfeeding? (I plan to breastfeed for at least a year) Mother nature, your jokes aren’t that funny.

Carpal tunnel syndrome

Exactly the same as postpartum insomnia, some women get carpal tunnel that wont go away till breastfeeding is over. Its not unusual for women to get it while they are pregnant, but even if you didn’t have it then, you could still get it once your baby has left the flesh-building. According to my doc, hormones mixed with weight-bearing hand positions (breastfeeding again, yay!) is the perfect recipe for some inflammation of the nerves in your forearms and hands. My hands didn’t hurt much during the day but at night they would drive me crazy. Think pins and needles to the nth degree. That shit is going to keep you awake #postpartuminsomnia

Breastfeeding + binge eating

breastfeeding burns a LOT of calories. You think you were eating for two while you were pregnant? Thats not nothing on breastfeeding. That baby keps getting bigger and hungrier. Get ready to smash some food.

Breastfeeding + thirst

Breastmilk is surprisingly watery. Baby drinks breast milk, your fluids deplete, the body needs more to make more milk. The process is not surprising. What might surprise you is that you get thirsty IMMEDIATELY after your baby has triggered the let-down (aka within minutes of him/her latching on) Keep a bottle of water handy for every nursing session. You are gonna need it.

Period pains

I think its fairly well established in the way we discuss postpartum that your period may not come back for a while. But what they DON’T tell you, is that you will still get similar pains fairly often. In the beginning, your uterus needs to go back to its regular size, so cramping/contractions will take place for a few weeks after giving birth to contract that uterus back to its old self. Thats right. You will still have contractions for WEEKS. Yay!

If you are breastfeeding, the cramping will happen DURING nursing. Its kinda cool, although pretty uncomfortable. You might notice the postpartum bloat go down in unison with those sessions of cramping. its different for all women, but for me, that intense cramping only lasted about 3-4 weeks. But here’s where people stop talking about it. But guess what? you will still get cramps! Pretty much once a month, I get a day of mild cramping. Its nothing like what it used to be (although my experience may be biased since I’m an endometriosis gal) but it’s still noticeable, and identifiable.

You are still ovulating

Carrying right on from getting those period cramps comes the obvious but often misunderstood fact that you are still ovulating. Many people are lead to believe that if they are breastfeeding and did not get their periods back yet, that they can not get pregnant. This is FALSE INFORMATION #fakenews So many woman end up pregnant again because they are not practicing safe sex under the assumption that no period means no ovulation. Sorry to say, your body goes right back on makin’ them eggs. Life, uh…finds a way #jurassicpark

Hormone imbalances continue (acne, sweats, cravings, mood swings)

Again, no secret to anyone that pregnant women are on a rollercoaster ride of hormones that are challenging at best, and downright unfair at worst. But whats most unfair is that you dont get to just be done with all that after your sweet little bundle arrives. Oh no. no no no. The rollercoaster gets more intense, if you can believe it.

Many people will be familiar with the term Post Partum Depression, which is common and no joke. If you suspect that you or someone you care about might be suffering from PPD, please access help. Start by talking to a doctor. There is LOTS of help available.

But, outside of PPD, it seems a disservice to me that no one explains that mood swings, food cravings, exhaustion, acne, hair loss/hair gain, sweating and the like are almost guaranteed to happen. I don’t mind speaking out about PPD and saying that I suffered, and I still do suffer from regressive episodes from time to time. But for a while, I wondered if all my other symptoms were PPD. My amazing midwife explained that those things are not indicative of PPD but a normal part of your body settling into its new role as a food truck (breastfeeding, again! argh!)

So if you are experiencing things that make you feel like a teenager again, you are not alone. It’s par for the course. But please talk to a Dr to get screened for post partum depression just to be sure.

leaking breasts

So I heard of this before. But I seriously was not prepared. I thought it was a unicorn thing that only happened to the rare woman who’s a breastmilk goddess with an oversupply. So i’m going to do you ladies a service and let you know the real deal here. Even if you think this wont happen to you, it probably might.

You don’t need to have an oversupply, your baby doesn’t need to suddenly sleep through the night. (although both of those things make it even more likely) Your breasts will spontaneously leak; maybe when your baby sleeps through the night the first time and your supply was hoping for a night feed. Maybe when your baby cries because it’s hungry and you don’t immediately get to them. Maybe when a srangers’ baby cries because it’s hungry. Maybe when you are looking at them on the baby monitor or watching them do something especially cute. Or maybe when you are having an intimate moment with your partner (YUP). MAKE PEACE WITH THIS. It will happen, and continue to happen, when you least expect it. You’r boobs now have a mind of their own.

Oh and just when you think that phase is over, it will happen again. #oops

Speedy hair and nail growth

This may be a pleasant surpriuse to some (or a major inconvenience depending on your maintenance level). Your hair and nail growth might speed up. Not sure why that one happens, but wow I feel like i cut my nails every week now. And I am getting 2x more haircuts, too.

Another common thing that happens is the texture of your hair changing. Many women go from luscious curls to straight locks or vice versa after pregnancy. Your body grew, sustained, and continues to sustain life. Those are MAJOR changes, so… Anything is possible!

Dry vaj (masquerading as injuries)

Oh yes. Im going there. If you made it this far, lets just assume you’re cool with how gross I can be at times. okay? Great. :) OKay, You are a mom. You might have pushed at baby out of your body. Or maybe you had someone surgically remove it. In both cases, your muscle structure gets significantly compromised. Under good health care, we are told to limit our activity for 6 weeks while the body heals. I dont know a single mom, c-section or vaginal delivery, who felt like their body was actually ready to get back in the game. It takes MONTHS to heal, and my midwife (did I mention shes awesome?) laid it out for me honestly. She said things are not gonna feel anywhere near normal for the better part of a year. I’m currently 8.5 months postpartum, and yo she was right. My core is weak, my diastases is still present, and I was in some serious pelvic pain for a long while.

So, on the advise of many a Dr and friend, I decided to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist in hopes that she can help guide me into a life where it doesn’t feel like I’m going to lose my uterus every time i squat down.

It was an embarassing and humbling experience. This Dr literally tests out your muscle control from within. Its like the most revealing pap you’ve ever had. But seriously, it was worth it. What i learned was even though i was expierencing pain, my muscle structure was NOT compromised. Where did the pain com from you might ask? Dryness.

Yeah I know. It’s not ladylike to talk about that. No one wants to admit its an issue either. But remember how breastfeeding affects almost every topic covered above? Well this one too. Surprise! Your body’s natural fluids are depleted in a big way when your kid drinks sometimes 200ml 6-10 times a day. (Go measure that our if you’r not familiar with it. Its a lot.) If you are not super hydrated, and extremely well nourished, your body will totally ditch its other systems to provide for your child instead. Its admirable, but dang if your not careful it really translates in so some serious discomfort.

Turns out that some topical moisturizers (coconut oil did it for me, but some people need something more substantial with estrogen in it) and maintaining my body’s hydration brought me back to 80%. Couple that with learning how to do diaphragmatic breathing and activating your transverse abdominus during kegel exercises (okay can we just not cover that? I’ve said enough gross stuff) and you’re well on your way to recovery.

The takeaway

Growing and serving up a baby does a number on your body, but it continues after the birth. It takes work, healthy choices and a lot of knowledge to stay on top of whats happening to your body once your baby is here. Breastfeeding, no matter how long you decide to do it, is a lot harder than people give credit for. It goes far beyond latch and weight peoblems, and not enough people talk about that. Be prepared for your body to continue to go through changes as your baby changes with you. Be kind to yourself, eat well, drink as much water as you can every day, and TALK TO OTHER MOMS about what the heck is going on. You’ll be surprised to know you are not alone. <3

[battystumutchildren-blog]

RYAN: -back at it again at the silvah dollah. it's kinda nice to have someplace new to stalk around the later hours of the day. she knows it's not exactly advisable for various reasons to transportalize out onto the satelite isolated far from her home. but... whatever. it's comfortable here and finding comfort elsewhere, somewhere more familiar, is a difficult task for her.-

RYAN: -she's hanging out at the counter again, poking at the remaining contents of a strawberry milkshake and being far less chatty than she was yesterday.-

SILVAH: -Given that there's not really much ON this station other than Skaianet research facilities, private research facilities and basically....the one resturaunt at least there's not much trouble Ryan can get up to up here. Silvah is just finishing cleaning and restoring his stocks from last night. He stayed up far too late and got a little drunk himself, but he's in good spirits. He's fairly sure the reopening was  rousing success and that he's gonna make back the money he spent on the deck. Big man is boppin with the radio as he works until he finally makes his way back behind the counter and sees Ryan there. His fins flick.-

SILVAH: Blondie!

SILVAH: I thought I made a regular outta you.

RYAN: -perks up, immediately putting on a smile when she hears his voice, but it's definitely half hearted.-

RYAN: naturally??? youve got some great vibes going on here. :blush:

SILVAH: I built it that way babycakes, but that don't mean it ain't nice to hear.

SILVAH: -starts restocking the baked goods displays as they chitchat.-

SILVAH: You had some pretty good vibes yourself last night. -Not so much today though, huh? He's peepin on her.-

RYAN: again. naturally! as a new regular youll soon discover im always the life of the party. :wink:  -leans on the counter, chin in her hand.- SILVAH: That's quite a claim. Maybe I should think about buyin a leaderboard. Huh huh.

SILVAH: Sure are cute though. Feel like I should be payin you to sit there and look pretty.

RYAN: well im not about to turn down that offer. :hugging: 

RYAN: ive got a pretty lengthy resume as a professional cutie. you wouldnt regret the decision.

SILVAH: Now, now. I'm not totally sold.  You strike me as a troublemaker too.

SILVAH: Acutally now that I'm thinkin about it, the round robin never made it to ya.

SILVAH: What's your story?

RYAN: :scream: 

RYAN: its not polite to ask a lady such questions...

RYAN: which is definitely NOT something a troublemaker would say. :thinking: SILVAH: Keepin it close to the vest I see. That's fine. I'll get it out of ya eventually.

SILVAH: Food is great at makin people talk. RYAN: -chinhands intensifies.- yeah? what do you find is the best thing to feed a person to get them to share their life story? SILVAH: Somethin' caffeinated.

SILVAH: I'll tell you what- I'm crossin strawberry milkshakes off the list as of today.

RYAN: -giggles. geez... it feels good to laugh.-

RYAN: okay fine. youve fed me enough lines to change my tune. :stuck_out_tongue: 

RYAN: youre right about me... i am a troublemaker. but im trying to cut back these days. SILVAH: -Seems satisfied at getting her to laugh. And to crack.-

SILVAH: Respect, little lady. It's not easy.

SILVAH: I'm also one of those.

RYAN: yeah? what are your vices?

RYAN: mine incluuuuude... -checks them off on her fingers as she says them in an attempt to keep it light.- running away. all manner of narcotics. and beautiful sad men and women that only break your heart.

RYAN: so you know. the standard really.

SILVAH: You're right. That is a hell of a resume. -Scratches under his  fat chin with Robut hand.-

SILVAH: Lesee....I'm right there with ya on runnin away. Dissapointin my family. Sexual deviancy. An you may have noticed that I like to eat a lil bit.

SILVAH: We already got the makins of a pretty good country song. Too bad that's not my favorite genre.

RYAN: hehehe. id love to inspire any kinda song really.

RYAN: but other than that it seems weve got a lot in common. -sips milkshake.-

RYAN: ive been... disappointing a lot of people for a long time. but i feel like i really dropped the fucking ball again recently. :weary:

SILVAH: -Now he's got both fins angled towards her.- You wanna get into it?

SILVAH: Don't gotta. But if you feel like you need to I have time.

SILVAH: That's how I got so fat. I'm full of secrets.

RYAN: -snickers and shrugs, swirling the straw around in the glass thoughtfully.- well... guess theres no harm in it.

RYAN: since youre being so nice and charming. :wink: 

RYAN: things have just been... i dunno.

RYAN: first i fell off the wagon.

RYAN: definitely disappointed my family... and probably my boyfriend. or like. whatever our deal even is. -sighs.-

RYAN: then my ex comes along and starts pulling some burn book bullshit... spilling all my secrets. pissing off my friends. making aforementioned romantic relationship all the more complicated. i think.

RYAN: ugh. -just sighs. it's hard to really dig deep when it's all so frustrating, so she just kinda slumps a little.-

SILVAH: Mm. Did ya say some things you regret?

RYAN: -nods slowly, pouting a little.-

RYAN: yeah. so much stupid shit.

RYAN: im trying to fix things but... i dont know--

RYAN: i dont know what im doing half the time.

SILVAH: -Pauses for a minuite, and while he's processing all the vibes he's picking up from her he's making himself look busy, which is something he's pretty practiced at by now.-

SILVAH: It's not the easy route. It's easier to keep cuttin out. Start over somewhere where they don't know ya. But that would be a waste in the long run.

SILVAH: If you keep tryin eventually they'll see the effort and appreciate it. Even if you're graspin at straws and you say all the wrong shit. RYAN: -peers up at him, finding that answer... strangely comforting. she gets the sense he understands. maybe because of his own experiences, or just because he's used to dealing with sad sacks like her. it was kind of a cliche. in any case, she's quiet for a moment as she thinks it all over too. her voice is a little hushed when she does speak, a bit embarrassed by admitting the things she is... but knowing full well she needs to say it.-

RYAN: i feel like my efforts are pushing him away.

RYAN: alienating him cuz he feels guilty too. hes always stuck in his own head.

  RYAN: i think he feels like hes not good enough. but i dont really get it. im the one who kept running away.

RYAN: he never did anything wrong. at least i dont think he did. it just-- a shitty time. and i dunno if its ever gonna pass so long as im around to remind him that-- fuck.

RYAN: -puts her head in her hand with a sigh.- sorry im not making sense anymore.

SILVAH: -Frowns as he takes this in, and at the same time takes in extra information. All her good intentions, the desperation that go along with them.- Y'know most of the time tryin to anticipate what someone's gonna do or why they feel the way they feel is real misleadin. Unless you have a real blunt discussion about it, you could never know. You might've fucked up, but it don't mean every bad thing that person's feelin is your fault.

SILVAH: The stuff you can pin down as yours is what you should concentrate on, is what I'm sayin.

RYAN: -peers up from behind her hand, eyes glossy with sadness but... there's some hope too. she laughs a little, trying not to seem too broken up about the stuff going on in her head.-

RYAN: i hear you.

RYAN: i just...

RYAN: wanna know im making someone happy for once.

RYAN: you know?

SILVAH: -She seems so vulnerable, it almost hurts to look. They're barely acquaintances at this point, but he doesn't care, he's gonna lightly reach out and touch her hand with his non robotic one.- You got yourself a super acheivable goal there, blondie. I think you're gonna be ok.

SILVAH: -Backs it up with a warm smile too. Believe him. He belives in you!-

RYAN: -well... it's hard not to smile when it feels like someone believes in you. and for some reason, in this moment she kind of believes it too. she doesn't mind the touch. she welcomes it in fact, feeling a little bit touch starved lately.-

RYAN: ill definitely be okay if i keep coming back for these milkshakes...

SILVAH: Hah! You think I'm gonna let you keep orderin just milkshakes.

SILVAH: -Pats her hand, gives it a gentle little squeeze and then releases her.-

RYAN: -giggles again. what a big softie...- i thought the customer was always right???? rude ass...

SILVAH: -Laughs with her. Huh huh huh.- I'mma personally fight whoever came up with that horse shite. The customer ain't right even half the time, let alone always.

SILVAH: This is the only place in the goddamn world where I control everythin. It ain't a fuckin democracy.

RYAN: -snorts and then full on cackles.- geez!!! then i guess ill have to refer to your expert opinion every day im here. :wink:

  SILVAH:  Heh heh. S'long as its real food some of the time I'll be a happy clam.