#just organising thoughts and bitching about present circumstances

[phynali]

so not to ruminate on things that vex me, but the past 2 or so months have been kinda shit, and i’m trucking along and there absolutely are high points and good things and joys that balance some of this out, but i need to vent out some of the negative emotions somewhere to get ‘em out. so i guess i’m doing that here because - 

we’re in lockdown#6 where i live (state of victoria) and it’s hard, this yo-yo of restrictions and swinging in and out of one lockdown after another. 

for those who understandably won’t know, what we call lockdown here means not just restaurant and commercial closures and mandatory working from home unless you’re in an industry where that’s impossible -- it also means no guests (0) inside you’re home unless you’re both living alone and single or else romantic partners, it means not leaving your home at all except for one of 4-5 necessary reasons, not being outside for more than 2hrs per day even to exercise, and not going more than 5km from your home unless required for work/medical/etc required reasons.

it’s intense. we spent (i think) 128 days in this degree of lockdown in 2020, never mind how many we spent in other forms of restrictions and working from home. and we’ve been back in it four (4) times in 2021 already. in-out-in-out-in-out - 

it’s taking a toll on the mental health of every person i know. we get weekly emails with wellbeing and resilience tips from my job -- not just “be productive or else” capitalism but heartfelt ones from wellbeing officers with copies of articles like this one on languishing from the NYT, acknowledging we’re all struggling and directing us to the plethora of wellbeing resources our workplace is trying to provide, not only to us but reminding us they offer it to our families too.

i’m one of the lucky ones. i’m really not trying to wallow here or to pretend otherwise. i appreciate that i can work from home, even though i can’t focus when i do and it this interacts with my adhd to fuck my productivity. even if i’m so behind and delayed it feels like i’ve lost 12-18 months worth of work and it will have long-term ramifications on my career -- even so, i still i have a job. i still get paid. and i even kept my job, a bit by the skin of my teeth but i did, when my sector downsized last year. yes, the way my employer went about lay offs left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth (my own included), but i made it through. 

and my sector, while affected, is by no means the worst of the collateral damage.

the yo-yo of lockdowns is taking a very very real toll on industries like hospitality, tourism, commerce. and the economy does have indirect effects on health and mental health as well. my friend, a waitress, was on her way to work the evening shift at a restaurant when she got the call about the latest lockdown. she had to turn around and go home because the announcement came just hours before the lockdown was imposed, and every place suddenly had to close by 8pm. bye bye evening shift. so much of the government support for these industries has dried up, has been inadequate. 

lockdowns save lives. i don’t begrudge my state for imposing one except that yes -- i’m resentful we’re here again with only six cases. i can be both accepting and grateful and also pissed and tired and more all at once. 

even more than the latest lockdown, i’m pissed about the yo-yo. that we went into lockdown in june, came out in july, went back in in july, came back out in july, are going back in now, in the first week of august. three lockdown/re-openings in 10 weeks, as if this rollercoaster doesn’t completely incapacitate our ability to plan or prepare for anything more than a week out, more than a day out -- in this case, more than a few hours out. 4pm the lockdown was announced, with an 8pm start time. as if that doesn’t have more insidious consequences on individuals and industries than a more clearly articulated and consistent approach. as if all the restaurants that got to open up this week didn’t purchase large food orders for this weekend that will spoil because they were given 4 hours notice to close their doors.

that’s the part i hate, right now more than the lockdowns themselves. consumer sentiment was at a high in april, optimism was everywhere. people felt good, and like we had a plan forward. now -- well, now my job is sending me emails about how normal and okay it is that i might be ‘languishing’ because aren’t we all?

and i absolutely do begrudge my federal government, and i’m angry with them, and this is part of why:

but i also accept, to some extent, that these decisions have all been made in difficult circumstances, and i’m not really about to pretend i could do any better. 

at the same time, australia’s vaccine rollout is among the slowest and lowest at least within OECD countries. i know that’s partly because we’ve managed the keep cases low and therefore we are prioritized less when it comes to who needs the vaccines most (and thus who is earlier in line to be able to purchase) among other geo-political reasons i won’t get into, but it still very much sucks. our timeline and ability to move forward and ability to stop having lockdowns requires a mostly-vaccinated population, and that’s not something we’ll have anytime soon.

and i am a visa-holder here and my family is back in canada and with our current border restrictions leaving to visit is honestly is not an option because i wouldn’t be able to return, to work. i’m managing that distance okay most of the time despite my homesickness and frustration but my partner’s parents are older and his mother’s health just isn’t amazing and it’s weighing on him a lot. 

a phd student i work with just had a parent die in another country while stuck here, had to drop everything to return, is devastated by not being by their parent’s side when it happened because it came on sudden, and now won’t be able to come back into australia after, will have to finish their thesis remotely from abroad. stories like that are becoming commonplace in certain circles, here. this student is not the first or only person i know who has been in that exact situation in the past year.

it’s enraging, and upsetting, and instills a sense of helplessness because -- there’s nothing that can really be done about it. there’s no good answer, but it’s scary to think of what could happen. i know it scares my husband. if his mother’s health suddenly dips -- does he drop everything and leave? how can he not? would i go with him or hold the fort here? what ramifications does that have either way?

right now, we’re in the first stages of getting permanent residency, my job is putting in the nomination, and this is one of those awesome high-points i mentioned. it’s a very much needed sense of security in my career and my future in this country. but while a PR application is pending and under review, you can’t leave the country, even in pre-covid times. it takes months to get the application fully nominated, accepted, then submitted, and months on months to process.

in january 2020 we had agreed that for xmas 2020 we’d return home to canada. obviously the world changed and we quickly determined that wouldn’t be the case. we pushed that plan back to july-aug 2021, then to october 2021, xmas 2021. my partner’s sister asked him last week if we started making plans, booking things for xmas, was calling to check that we’d had our second jabs. he had to explain the situation to her, that we aren’t even eligible for our first vaccine yet, that we aren’t holding out any real hope of visiting, not this year, not until mid-next.

anyway - i’m just. languishing, i guess, if that’s the word for it after all. i know it’s not the same as depression -- i’ve had episodes of that, been treated for it in different ways. this is and feels different, even if there are obvious similarities. whatever to call it, it sucks, and i hate it. and i hate the other lows and anxieties and crap i’ve been dealing with in the past few months as well that didn’t make it into this post about covid. crap with work, with friends, with goddamn car rentals of all stupid things. crap that’s making me anxious and crap that just needs processing. crap that is, ultimately, massively exacerbated because lockdowns turn us into little rats gnawing on the bars of our cages.

and i guess i just needed to talk about it somewhere, to organize my thoughts and free up some headspace (emotion space?) currently being used to hold these thoughts and feelings in place. i kind of hate posting personal crap like this and always get the urge to delete but i also have a hard time organising my thoughts if i don’t write them out with this intent to post. sort of want to go outside and scream at god, sort of want to phone up a friend and yell at him for an hour for being an exhausting ass, sort of want to be alone for a day to curl up under a blanket with a movie that’ll make me cry because raging at the universe is always so much easier when i’m alone and unobserved. but i guess since those aren’t especially kind or feasible i’ll post this instead.

anyway - if you read to the end of this for any reason, i’m not trying to be maudlin, and there’s really no need to respond. it’s just a feelings dump, sucking some of the poison out, not really much different than journalling but i’ve always been better at that online than on paper. 

[written-on-the-trees]

Emerson Barrett Fan Fiction - Beautiful Things Come One Stitch At A Time

Prompt: Enemies to Lovers (or rather exes to still-exes-but-one-of-them-wants-to-get-back-together)

Word-count: 1825 words

Warnings: none

Description: Tia dumped Emerson because he wasn't good for her. She never expected to see him at work four years later - and now she doesn't know what to do.

Sequel to Not Enough Stitches To Put Us Back Together!

Tia sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

 This was not how she had wanted to spend her day.

 After getting fired, she’d started looking for jobs that would take her away from Las Vegas. It had only been a few months since she’d dumped her ex-boyfriend, Emerson, and it had seemed like the universe was telling her it had been time for a change. She’d applied for a few various positions, and ended up taking a job on Los Angeles, at Sumerian Records. At the time, Palaye Royale had been an unsigned band, and Tia had taken a job as a personal assistant in the record label’s legal department, figuring that even if Palaye Royale were signed to Sumerian, it was unlikely Tia would ever have any reason to deal with them.

 However, two very significant things had changed since she’d first started working for Sumerian.

 Firstly: she’d become a tour manager. Apparently she had an undiscovered talent for wrangling people and organisation. The last bit hadn’t really been undiscovered to her, but the people wrangling bit had been a pleasant surprise.

 Secondly - something that was a much less pleasant surprise - Palaye Royale got signed to Sumerian Records.

 Tia hadn’t been pleased. She’d gone straight to her boss, Kayley, and explained everything: that Emerson was an ex-boyfriend, that they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, and that Sebastian and Remington despised her. Kayley had taken it in stride, and made notes in all the relevant places that Tia wasn’t to be TM on any tour Palaye Royale were on. It was a system that worked for years; she never saw any of the three men, and since she’d blocked them all on all of her social media accounts, along with anyone she knew they were close with, she wasn’t even sure she worked for the label they were signed to.

 It was the perfect arrangement, as far as she was concerned.

 But then the world had gone to shit. That had been rough for everyone, not least Tia, who had been lucky to be put on paid leave through the worst of it, getting 75 percent of her monthly salary each month. Between that, using the extra time to spend on her crafting hobbies that allowed her open up an Etsy store, and her savings, Tia had been lucky enough to wait the virus out. Some of her colleagues hadn’t been so lucky, and had had to move on, but as much as Tia’s heart had hurt for them, she hadn’t really thought of what that meant for her.

 Like the fact Sumerian were now dealing with the world opening back up for concerts while they had a lack of tour managers.

 Which was how Tia had ended up being named TM for the second leg of Palaye Royale’s The Bastards Tour.

   Just kill me now.

   Kayley had been apologetic, and Tia honestly believed there was nothing her boss could’ve done, but in some respects that just made things more frustrating. There was no-one to blame for these circumstances but a shitty universe fucking with her, and so Tia just had to put on her big girl knickers and get on with it. Starting with introducing herself to the boys as their new TM.

 It wasn’t going to be fun. In fact, Tia was pretty sure it was going to be the worst day she’d had since she’d dumped Emerson.

 Despite that, though, Tia squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked onto the tour bus that was going to be her new home - and the home of her ex-boyfriend and his brothers - for the next few months. The sudden silence that fell across the three men sitting in the main living area was deafening, but Tia didn’t let it intimidate her. She was going to have to face a lot worse than just silence, and she wasn’t going to be beaten so early on.

   So, instead, she just put a blandly professional smile on her face, and introduced herself before any of those idiots could speak: “Good morning. I’m Tatia, and I’m going to be the TM for this tour.”

 “We know who you are.” Sebastian glared at Tia: “It’s not like we’d forget the bitch who dumped our brother on the way back from the hospital.”

 Remington nodded: “We’re not awful people.”

   Tia would like to argue that point, specifically about Sebastian and Remington, but she was determined to remain professional.

 Even if Emerson was staring at her as if she was some sort of literal angel: like he couldn’t quite believe he was actually seeing her. It was weird, and Tia really hoped that he stopped doing it soon, but in the name of remaining professional she ignored it.

   “Of course you’re not.” Tia agreed with Remington, keeping her tone light and friendly, despite how bad his attitude was: “And irrespective of any previous relationships, we’re going to have to work together for the next three months, so I believe it’s in all out interests to be civil.”

 “Or we could just tell the label that you’re a ex and we don’t want to work with you.” Remington smirked.

 Tia just smiled at him: “Sumerian Records have been aware of the fact Emerson is my ex-boyfriend since you signed with them. Normally I would not have been your TM, but there’s a bit of a shortage of us around at the moment, and I’m the only one available for this tour. If you would still like to take it up with the record, then you can, but in terms of TMs, it’s me or no-one.”

   Silence reigned again.

   “Shall we get on the road, then?”

   The silence continued, and Tia took that as a win.

      A month into the tour, and Tia was ready to tear her hair out.

 Remington and Sebastian were dicks. Andrew, their touring guitarist, took his lead from them, even if he wasn’t as bad: and their merch girl Hope did the same. All the roadies, some of whom she’d worked with before, were on her side, seeing Remington, Sebastian, and Andrew as arrogant and rude because…well, they were arrogant and rude, snapping demands during set up and ignoring everyone the rest of the time. The driver hated them because he was constantly annoyed by their antics on the bus, so he was on Tia’s side too

 The bus was divided, and it was not conductive to a good environment.

 And then there was Emerson.

 Emerson, when he wasn’t busy on stage or doing media, followed Tia around like a lost puppy. The roadies had found it really creepy to begin with - and even when Tia had filled them in on the fact he was her ex, they still weren’t too happy about him. She was rarely left on her own, and she grateful for that - because apparently Emerson was not over her.

 He started with constantly trying to make eye contact whenever they were in the same room. When that didn’t work, he moved onto texting her, since she’d unblocked him for work, but she ignored all messages from him that weren’t work related. Once he’d realised he wasn’t getting anywhere with the texts, he’d moved onto gifts and cares. A lot of gifts and cards. Stuffed toy cats, expensive treats like fancy baked goods and chocolates, interesting sounding books, even jewelry.

 Tia ignored all of it, but she knew it was only a matter of time before he would stop letting her do that.

 Eventually, he managed to corner her while she was talking to Hope about how much stock the merch table needed and if they needed to look at getting more. With Hope being firmly on the band’s side, and probably assuming Emerson was going to chew her out like Remington and Sebastian constantly tried to, she disappeared the moment he gestured for her to give him and Tia a moment.

   He didn’t waste a moment once he had her trapped between himself, the merch table, and a wall, immediately launching into what he wanted to say: “Tia, I’m so sorry. Past me was awful - ”

 “I hate to break it to you, Emerson, but present you is also pretty terrible.” Tia rolled her eyes.

 “ - but I have changed.” Emerson continued, before his expression turned regretful when he registered what she’d said: “Even if I haven’t necessarily shown you that.”

 Tia rolled her eyes again: “Pretty much the opposite. You and your brothers are exactly the same as I remember you: aggressive, cocky, or just plain apathetic. Your brothers have gone out of their way to make life difficult to me, and you’ve sat back and let it happen, just like the three of you used to drive me to the urge of panic attacks, and you did nothing about it. So, yeah, I wouldn’t exactly say that you’ve shown you’ve changed.”

 Emerson had the good sense to look ashamed: “You’re right, I haven’t. I’m sorry.”

   Tia remained resolute when Emerson’s face dropped.

 She wasn’t sucked in by the act - and on the off chance it was genuine, it was nothing compared to the upset he’d caused her. The fact was, dating Emerson had been terrible for Tia’s mental health. It had driven her to therapy after the relationship ended, which had in time allowed her to see that although her issues were absolutely not Emerson’s fault, he exacerbated them so much that if she hadn’t dumped him when she had there would have been issues that he was to blame for.

 Had she missed him? Yes. Did she still miss him? That was harder to say.

 Emerson was a unique soul, and Tia had truly felt they had gotten along amazingly…he just never listened to her when she explained that there was something wrong. She had loved him, even though they’d been together for just six months, but that had been over four years ago now, and even though sometimes it made something in her chest clench when she looked at him, she honestly wasn’t sure if it was love or just an echo of the pain he’d caused her.

   “I want to show you that I have, though.” Emerson suddenly continued: his forlorn look being overtaken by one of determination: “I will show you that I have.”

 Tia wasn’t sure she believed him…but she found that, deep down, she wanted him to, even though she wasn’t going to admit it, so she just sighed: “I’m sure you’ll try, Emerson.”

 “I will.”

 “Okay, then.” Tia shrugged, still acting like she didn’t believe him - because she honestly didn’t, no matter what she wanted: “I’ve got work to do. You do what you want.”

   She walked away, leaving Emerson to plan whatever he was going to do to try and convince her that he was a better person that he used to be.

   I wonder if it will work…

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Sweet Boys (The Little Silver Skirt)

Author: NonExistantPup

Year: 2010

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Dave Brown/Sue Denim

Dave has attempted to come onto Sue four times. Not that she’s counted or anything. Four times seems like a lot, of course, but not when one knows the circumstances. The first time, for instance, didn’t really count. It had been when Sue was about to start college. She’d been lost in her own mind, humming a tune as she was on her way to catch the tube. A friend of hers at the time - Sarah Winsworth - was about to move to America, and Sue was feeling quite despondent. Angry too. Sue had been a lot angrier in those days. Anyway, Dave Brown happened to be the slightly drunken simpleton she ran into along the way to the station. “Oi!” he’d called, and Sue had looked up, not sure whether she was annoyed or worried. It was difficult to mistrust anybody with those eyes though, and the fact that he was wearing jazz-ballet shoes was reassuring too. “What?” she’d yelled back. “Can I walk you home?” Sue had blinked. “Fuck off.” As it happened, though, he did end up walking with her to the tube station, and when she hopped on the train, Sue felt a bit better. Except that now she was a little bit disheartened by the idea that she would probably never see Dave again. He hadn’t asked for her number, and she couldn’t exactly ask him. Sue was a girl. She taps her foot against the floor, frowning slightly. Sue is in the audience at the first Future Sailors dress and tech rehearsal, and is waiting for the show to continue. There has been some delay with a massive prop, so everybody’s just waiting. No wonder her mind is wandering; she looks at her phone and contemplates calling Dee, but decides against it. Sue crosses her arms. The second time Dave hit on her didn’t really count either, mostly because she had been utterly certain that he was joking. It wasn’t until afterwards that Dee had told her bluntly that she was a bitch for turning him down so rudely. At that point, Sue hadn’t been particularly happy with men though, so it was probably for the best that she didn’t wind up with somebody like Dave. Somebody she could wound. Finally, there is a bizarre gust of some sort of smoke and Sue’s mind comes back to the present. To the show. It seems to be continuing again. But the microphones have been fucked up. Only the faint echo of unamplified voices reaches her. Noel looks like he’s having a hissy fit, but then he giggles and kisses Mike on the cheek, so presumably this was a joke. Sue didn’t hear it though. Because the microphones have been fucked up. The fourth time Dave hit on her was quite sad. Sue had been with Chris at the time, and happy too, while Dave had just broken up with his girlfriend. Since the third time - the one serious time - Sue had almost said yes, Dave said he thought he might as well try. That last time didn’t count either. Not really. So now that Sue thinks about it more closely, Dave has only asked her out once really, and that’s nothing. Things have been awkward between them since then, and they have consequently avoided being in each other’s company. Sue had decided she didn’t care. Not really. Dave was sweet, see, but their timing was shit. This was a good way of thinking. No dramas, no stupid giddiness. Right now, though, as she watches him on the stage, hands upon his hips and with a mutant mask pushed up on top of his head, this resolve is weakened. She’s giddy again. “Right, time for a break,” says the voice of the stage manager from one of the wings. “We’ll get the mics sorted; this is ridiculous.” Sue sighs. She is alright though. In fact, the more she thinks about it, she’s kind of glad. It’s not a good idea to sit here, all confused with herself and repressed. “Call it two hours and we’ll take it from the top. If the tech’s under control, anyway.” Sue smiles slightly now, uncrossing her legs and standing up. She doesn’t even try to deny the thought that crosses her mind: That’ll be plenty of time. The backstage area is surprisingly chaotic - but then, in shows like this, a bit of chaos must be unavoidable. The dressing rooms are small in this theatre, save for one large one which seems to be populated by everyone. It is right now, in any case. Sue considers going in there and telling them that she’s enjoying the show thus far, but honestly, that’s quite far from her mind. And anyway, the whole thing was fucked up by the tech problems; how is she supposed to judge? But then, she can’t exactly go in there and ask Dave to please- It’s this moment that she hears his voice though, just behind her. “Just your luck, eh? We’ve never had this much trouble with a tech rehearsal.” Sue turns. Okay, so he’s not right behind her. At least ten paces away, in fact. At first, Dave seems a little bit awkward, but it very quickly deteriorates into a shifty form of nervousness. Sue is staring. Just a bit. But she is staring. The costume looks all the more divine from this close, especially given that the mask has been removed. The level of detail is exquisite. Dave is wearing silver shoes, like sneakers but more slender and shiny, and sparkling silver leggings. Tight around his waist is the little silver skirt, puffing up at one side and reaching about halfway down his thighs. The top part of the costume - the weird, futuristic breast-plate - is in his hands, and with one arm, he moves it upwards to cover his singlet-covered chest a bit more efficiently. And Sue is still staring. Why is she staring? Dave scratches his head self-consciously, looking wishfully towards Noel’s dressing room as if willing somebody to come out and break the silence. Nobody does. “Aren’t you hot?” asks Sue instead. She realises how this sounds, but doesn’t regret it. Oddly enough, she’s rather enjoying seeing Dave this awkward and any discomfort she may have personally felt has simply melted away. “Erm - what?” Sue smiles, stepping towards him a little. It takes some effort, but she tears her eyes from his little silver skirt, away from the uncovered hips. “Hot,” she repeats. “On stage. In that costume. Leggings can be hell.” Dave smiles nervously. As Sue advances, he looks as if he’d like to retreat but can’t think of a way to do it politely. That works. “It’s - nothing compared to a gorilla outfit,” he says with a nervous shrug. Sue gives a little smile. She doesn’t stop stalking towards him until she’s just under a metre away. She can see the little beads of sweat upon Dave’s skin - caused by the stage lights or by her, it’s impossible to say. “Wig’s a bit silly.” Dave frowns a little, and then gives a shrug. “Meant to be, I guess.” Uncertainly, he pulls off the wig. It’s attached to his mask, so that is taken from the top of his head too, and suddenly he looks a little bit smaller. “Why’s your hair spraypainted silver?” “Thought it might be easier than wearing a stupid wig.” “Why’s your skirt so short?” Dave shrugs again, looking back at Noel’s dressing room. “Dunno.” Sue raises one eyebrow. “I mean - I don’t trip over it when it’s short.” Dave amends himself. He is actually blushing. Sue likes that too. “I think I’ll see if I can get a longer one than... than this though.” “Where’s your dressing room?” she asks. It’s as if she’s drawn a knife or something; Dave looks frightened. Actually frightened. Of what? Mortification, perhaps; he had liked Sue for a long time, probably still does (and she is pretty sure this isn’t just wishful thinking). “There,” he says, pointing blankly in the direction of the door closest to the two of them. “I was just - I mean, I am just dropping off costume things before... Before joining the others.” “Well, don’t let me keep you,” Sue tells him with an amused little grin. Like a teenager with a crush, he swallows and nods. “Okay then,” he says awkwardly. “I’ll - you just wait here. Or don’t, whatever you like.” He almost adds something else, but instead turns away to hurry into his dressing room. From the back, Sue can see that his singlet is damp and grey and there’s a little Boosh logo upon his lower back. She follows Dave into his dressing room, and although he’s already dropped the mask and chest-piece into a plastic box, Sue closes the door behind them. It’s nice in here. There are two chairs and a small desk, as well as a tall mirror upon one wall. It’s a mess, but the kind of mess that is probably organised to the person who made it. In this case, Dave. He looks at her nervously. “Er - Sue...” “You said to do whatever I liked,” Sue tells him, smiling in ever so slight amusement. “Is this not okay?” “Well...” He is about to speak, but then notices that her gaze is falling, taking in the sight of his ever-so-slightly glistening skin, his arms, his chest. And down to that skirt which so deeply fascinates her. Dave crosses his arms over his body self-consciously. “That’s not what I meant. Just - what are you doing here?” “You’re an awfully sweet boy, aren't you, Dave?” Dave looks slightly alarmed. “What?” “I thought it was that you were... I don't know. Stupid or something. Bumbling. But you're not. You’re just terribly sweet.” Dave frowns, apparently not sure whether he ought to be flattered or insulted. He settles for merely saying, “Oh.” That’s good enough for Sue. She steps towards him. Or rather, stalks. She feels tingly, like a hunter. A lioness. She stops only when she is right in front of Dave. With one hand, Sue fiddles with the hem of Dave’s silver skirt, twisting it between her fingers thoughtfully. “I like sweet boys.” Dave swallows. “Oh?” Sue gives a nod. “Do you still like me?” she asks softly, although the question is practically rhetorical given Dave’s state right now. “Do you still want me?” “Oh, God yes,” he murmurs, and Sue smiles. Her eyes don’t leave his face as she runs her hand up Dave’s thigh and under his skirt to firmly grasp his arse. “Sure?” Dave nods mutely. His eyes are wide, gaze locked upon hers. Those eyes are so very, very blue. Sue tilts her head to one side, looking into them with fascination and wondering why she’s never really done this before. There’s so much to see. “I only ask because there are some wonderful, terrible things I’d like to do to you,” Sue whispers. Her body is lightly touching his. So lightly. The fabric of her shirt brushes against his chest, right at the peaks of her modest breasts, and she can feel the fluffy edge of his skirt against her denim-clad thighs. With her free hand, Sue touches the front of Dave’s thigh, her fingers moving up slowly, pushing his skirt out of the way until she is cradling the stiffening mound of his arousal with her palm. The leggings he’s wearing are tight, and he’s wearing briefs (or the like) underneath them, but he jumps at the touch anyway. “Sue...” She squeezes gently and Dave mumbles something under his breath. He is growing still harder in her hand. “Would you like me to do that, Dave?” Dave whimpers. His body is almost perfectly still, frozen. But then he nods. “How much?” “Very - very, very much. Very much,” Dave mumbles thickly. “You - have no idea...” Sue snickers, tracing her fingernails over his restrained cock. “I think I have some idea.” Dave flushes, cringing slightly as he breaks eye contact with Sue, sheepish. Almost ashamed. Most of the make-up is gone from his face, so there’s nothing to hide the pink tinge to his cheeks - and his nose too, which is unbelievably adorable. “I just... I don't understand,” he mutters. Despite the movements of both of her hands, Sue places a chaste kiss upon his cheek. “You’re getting felt up in your dressing room and enjoying it. What’s not to understand, Dave?” She moves a little closer, placing another little kiss upon his neck, and then his jaw, breathing him in. How had she not noticed how good he smelled before now? “Don’t you want me to do things to you? I promise they will feel good. Very good. And I won't hurt you.” She is whispering now, merely breathing against Dave’s neck. She can feel the warmth, the tension there, and bites him ever so lightly. Not enough to hurt at all, but enough to show that she could. “Not if you don't want me to, anyway. And even then, not too badly. I told you, I like sweet boys. I won’t break you.” Dave turns his head to look at her again, and Sue shifts forward a bit more so their thighs are touching. “Promise?” Dave asks. He’s smiling ironically, trying to pretend this is only a joke. Instead of answering, Sue just presses her lips against his. Her hands move lightly, gently, under his skirt, fingers tugging at the stretchy fabric of his leggings to inch them down. Dave tries to say something, but they are kissing at the time and all that comes out is a muffled little sound only vaguely recognisable as speech. If Dave wanted to back away, he could. He doesn't. If he wanted to take control, he would. He doesn't do that either. Invigorated and reassured, Sue pulls his leggings down over the firm roundness of his arse. How she never noticed that before, Sue cannot even begin to comprehend. She pauses as her fingers hook over the waistband of his underwear. “Am I going to get you in trouble, Dave?” she asks softly. Dave shakes his head, and Sue frowns. He subconsciously licks his lips. “I mean - don't care,” Dave murmurs. “That’s better.” Sue kisses him again. Her mouth is closed and so is his; in each kiss, their lips merely brush together lightly. Very, very chaste, despite the fact that Sue’s hands are now tightly gripping Dave’s bare arse. She can feel his chest rising and falling quickly. He’s panting, just a bit, and watching her with a combination of lust and awe. Although a certain amount of this is just surprise, Sue likes to think that whatever feelings Dave’s harbored for her are a part of that look. She likes to think he’s feeling lucky. Carefully, she pulls his leggings down further, dropping to a crouch in front of him to peel them away from his skin so his trousers and boyish y-fronts are bunched around his ankles. She sets about undoing his silver shoelaces, smiling as she can feel electric blue eyes upon her. Sue looks up. “You looking down my shirt, Dave?” He immediately averts his eyes. “No.” Sue grins, placing a little kiss upon his knee. “It’s okay,” she says softly. “I'm looking up your skirt anyway.” His cheeks are streaked with colour again, and Sue kisses Dave’s other knee as her hands move to undo the other set of shoelaces. “Do you know your nose turns a little bit pink when you blush?” Dave winces, clearly embarassed. One hand covers his eyes, but he peeks out at her from between his fingers. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Sue shrugs. “I like it. Step out of your shoes and pants now, dear. You can lean on me for balance.” Dave obediently raises one leg; his balance is impeccable though, and he doesn't need to use Sue for support. She pulls off his shoe and slightly-damp sock, and then slips his underwear and leggings from that ankle. They are both quiet as this process is repeated on the other side, and when Dave is standing there, wearing only a grey singlet and a little silver tutu, he begins to look nervous again. He is fidgeting with his skirt, but Sue wants it left on. After a moment of thought, she raises her arms and pulls her red shirt off over her head. Underneath is a matching red bra, but she leaves it. “Here, hold this,” Sue offers, and hands her shirt to Dave. He takes it with both hands and then brings it up to his face, sniffing Sue's shirt and looking, for the moment, contented. It’s at that point that Sue begins to kiss a little trail up the inside of Dave’s thigh. He is surprised and she feels her shirt fall lightly upon her head. “Oi,” she scolds. “Sorry.” Dave very quickly picks it up again. “Go and sit on that desk,” Sue commands gently as she stands up, brushing imaginary dirt from her jeans. Dave quickly does so, pushing what looks to be a pile of clothes and a thick, bound shief of papers onto the floor without a moment’s hesitation. He sits with his knees together modestly, which makes Sue smile a bit. She’s never really thought of Dave as modest; perhaps it's just around girls. Or possibly just when he’s not wearing anything under his tiny silver skirt. Sue takes her time to unbutton her pretty, heavily patched jeans, and lets them fall to the floor. She's wearing plain white knickers, but Dave gives a little grunt never the less when he sees them. Sue grins at him as she steps out of her jeans. “Cheers.” She bends down and picks up her jeans, folding them neatly in half and tossing them onto a little table by the door. Luckily, there’s a chair by the desk, and it doesn't seem to be acting as a shelf for something, so Sue walks over and picks it up. “Open your legs, Dave.” Dave licks his lips, obeying instantly although he looks embarassed and slightly sheepish. Sue walks in front of him, still carrying the chair. “Bit wider. Don’t be shy.” Dave blushes once more and closes his eyes tightly, but he also obeys this order, leaning back on one hand in order to spread his legs. He looks so wanton, and although he is self-conscious, Sue likes that he doesn't actually seem unhappy. She places the chair down against the desk, back to front. This means the back rest is firmly between Dave’s knees. Sue kneels on the chair comfortably and grasps Dave’s hips, pulling him toward her more so the chair’s holding his legs a little bit wider still, his silver skirt bunched up at his hips. He’s very erect now, despite neither of them having actually touched his cock yet. “Are you ashamed?” asks Sue curiously as she runs her fingers over his thighs. Dave opens his eyes and looks straight at her. “No.” “Embarassed?” “Fuckin’ mortified,” Dave admits with a nervous laugh. Sue licks her hand wetly and wraps it around his erection, firm and confident. “Good answer.” “Oh - fuck,” Dave mumbles, shuddering slightly. After all this, he must be feeling very sensitive. Sue squeezes him a little harder, pumping just once. The hand which Dave isn't using for balance is curled up in a tight fist at his chest, holding onto Sue’s shirt. Sue decides she likes that. In fact, she likes it so much that, as she strokes the sensitive head of Dave’s cock with her thumb, her other hand runs down her own belly and into her knickers. “Do you like having my hand up your skirt?” she asks, her own voice becoming a bit huskier as her fingers rub gently between her legs. She is slippery and moist - probably has been since she was sitting in that audience, watching Dave on stage - and her whole body tingles as her fingers move slowly against her clitoris. “You're - quite domineering, aren't you?” Dave responds breathlessly. “Not always.” Sue shrugs. “But I like it. Especially when I've got a sweet, docile boy like you to play with.” As if to punctuate this sentiment, her hand moves quickly, pumping his cock a few times before slowing down again, just to see the tension rise in his body. And he does moan so beautifully, legs folding under the desk and hips trying to buck despite his thighs being spread as wide as they can do. “You are awfully submissive.” “Not - not always,” Dave mumbles, although he’s obviously having a difficult time forming words. “But I like it. Being told what - and God, you’re fucking gorgeous.” Sue feels an increased twinge of arousal. “Thank you. The feeling is mutual.” She leans forward a bit, placing a light, wet kiss upon the tip of Dave’s cock. He gives a little whimper. “Fuck...” “You do swear an awful lot when you're being touched like this, Dave.” “I can stop,” Dave responds quickly. “If you - if you want-” Sue grins, moving her legs apart slightly and pushing two fingers inside of herself as her thumb continues to move against her clitoris. “What if I didn’t want you to make any sound at all?” she murmurs as she touches herself, fingers moving in a steady rhythm. Her other hand moves down from Dave’s shaft to hold onto his balls. His hips twist slightly as her index finger tickles his perinium. “I could - I could do that,” he mumbles, leaning back on both hands now as his head isn't clear enough to balance with one. “What if I liked it when you wore little skirts like this. What if I wanted you to do it just for me, Dave?” Dave nods. “Whatever you want - whenever you want, Sue. I will do... whatever.” Feeling smug, Sue licks a wet trail along Dave’s shaft, fingering herself more quickly now. The arousal gives her energy. Gives her strength, power, elegance, control... It’s intoxicating. Wonderful. “But you know, having you dressed like this, it makes me want to do all sorts of other things to you, Dave,” she whispers. The words are spoken in between the little kisses she presses against his cock. “And when you’re wearing a skirt, there’s not much to protect you. You’re all available for me. ‘Specially when I don’t let you wear anything underneath.” Dave is panting, squirming. “Don't care,” he rasps. “I mean - good. Or - fuck, Sue...” Sue enjoys shutting Dave up, and the most interesting way is by wrapping her lips around his cock and sucking hard. She is getting close to orgasm already, and as much as she would like to drag this out for as long as possible, having somebody walk in would probably put Dave off. Her fingers move quicker still as she moves one leg off the chair, opening herself up more. She moans around Dave’s cock. Sue makes sure she comes first, mostly because she wants a clear mind and both of her hands free when she drives Dave to his climax too. A powerful flush of pleasure and for a moment, the world sparkles that little bit more. Sue looks up at Dave with a dark, knowing grin. She raises her hand and presses her fingers into Dave’s mouth one at a time, watching with deep satisfaction as he sucks each one clean. “Look at me, Dave,” Sue murmurs, now with both hands wrapped lightly around his cock. “I - I am.” Sue grins affectionately and pecks him on the lips. “Keep your eyes on me,” she corrects herself. Dave doesn't seem to get it, but nods anyway. “Okay.” Sue’s hands get busier now. They move quicker, one fondling his balls and the other more firmly pumping his shaft. It doesn’t take long for his breaths to shorten and his body to tense as orgasm approaches. Sue makes him maintain eye contact the whole time too. Every fucking moment. Dave’s hips would have lifted off the table if his feet had anything to rest upon, and his eyes are ever so slightly glazed as he comes. No defenses; he doesn't even try any of that shit. He is just so open, so very naked, Sue feels deeply lucky to be so trusted with this moment. Then, Dave’s spunk is spilled mostly over her chest. As he’s easing down from his climax, Sue kisses his cock just once more before standing up, arching her back. She wipes most of the warm come from her body with one hand, and licks it up indulgently. Another time, she might have made Dave do it, but as it is the rest of the lads are probably waiting for him. Sue takes off her knickers and uses them to wipe what’s left of the spunk away, and when most of it’s gone, she picks up her jeans again. Dave is still on the desk, still exposed and still looking dumbstruck. He’s sitting up, though, holding Sue’s shirt in both of his hands. “You alright?” she asks, trying not to seem too smug as she steps into her jeans. After a moment’s consideration, she decides to leave her knickers by Dave’s long-discarded leggings. She can hardly wear them now, after all. Dave nods. “Yeah,” he says, still a little breathless, and pushes his silver-painted fringe out of his face with one hand. “Just, that...” He trails off, giving a sheepish chuckle. “Indescribable.” Sue zips up her fly, and then fastens the button too. “I know what you mean,” she says, still basking in the feelings of elation inside of her. Her expression is kind and gentle as the looks at Dave now. “I'm going to need that, by the way.” Dave glances down at the red shirt in his hands, and for a moment, Sue thinks he’ll refuse to give it back. Then, however, he tosses to her and watches as she slips it back on. “Why would you do this for me?” he asks slowly. Sue looks at him. “Hmm?” “I just - I hardly did anything. Shouldn't I have?” Sue snickers, walking back over to the desk and kicking the chair aside. She stands, now fully clothed, between Dave’s legs. “Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ll be extra demanding next time.” Dave blinks. “Next time?” Sue kisses his lips, and this time her tongue presses into Dave’s mouth. He is tentative at first, even after all this, but that melts away quite quickly. The kiss lasts quite a long time in the end, and by the time Sue pulls back, they’re both slightly breathless. And his eyes are still so blue. Sue takes her mobile phone from the pocket of her jeans. “Give me your number,” she says softly. “I’ll call you.”

[customessay123]

American history periods essay

seek Topic:\n\nThe impact of the colonial earned run av eonge, the the Statesn variation and the civic fight farther or soe on the historic discipline of the f either in States of the States.\n\n shew Questions:\n\nWhat was the beguile of the colonial the States period for the whole Ameri croupe register? Did the the Statesn transmutation contri onlye to the development of the Statess society? How did the swell-behaved troth histori chaty do action present-day(a) America?\n\ndissertation Statement:\n\nFor thousand large number atomic number 7 America became that bug out, that promise republic they hoped to build a happier succeeding(a) on.\n\n \nAmerican invoice periods essay\n\nTable of limit:\n\n1. Introduction: compound America\n\n2. The American alteration\n\n3. The courtly fight\n\nIntroduction: Colonial America. The seventeenth degree centigrade was a hard eon for the plurality of what was once to be bitched the joined States of America. It was t he geological date of changes, the era of large up all affaire up to entrance rolling a divulge prospective in a better place. For thousand population trades union America became that place, that promising land they hoped to build a happier future tense on. It was these changes that wafted the sense of progress to the raft belonging to the colonial era. The native set of the great unwashed of the seventeenth century America was to push-down stack to ad still or in otherwise words to be flexible and strong decorous to defend their right to be on the peeled land. The colonists consisted mainly of face, Dutch, Spanish, and French colonists and it was eastern matrimony America that became their fresh category. It was the era of continuous failures on the stylus to a bright future and these continuous failures in the 17th century started to be eonian colonies.\n\nThe major(ip) difficulty of the people belonging to the Colonial date was that they had diametric hearty and racial endorsegrounds, which created obstacles for finding the points of contiguity. The era of the tonic knowledge secondary became the home for people of distinguishable likeness of skin and make that light upon how to live with each other and was the first step to what present is proudly called to be the approximately powerful dry land in the world. America is a bucolic of diversities nowadays owe to the circumstance that each colony back in the era of Colonial America had its own economic, governmental, apparitional, and favorable structure. The major conflict of that era was this actually specific contradiction in terms of their colonies and their location and at the akin moment the successfulness can be seen in the concomitant that it formed the base for a province that accepted opposite people under its flag. It has authentically shaped Americans as a country giving them the smell of the right for being different and the lesson how to respect other social, religious and economic ways of financial support. It was the era that by its four major colonies: New England, the Middle Colonies, the Chesapeake bay tree Colonies and the southwardern Colonies gave the start to the most powerful realm in the world owing to its tractability and ability to adapt; owing to the variety of living-styles and economical strategies. So the great transmigration of the Europeans to North America represented the time of changes that the alert world required. This people, who were brave adequate to come to an unknown associate formed the national quality of the Americans, as the journey to North America was from six to twelve weeks and many of the migrants died from numerous diseases and their pabulum was scanty. The ships the traveled on, often experient gales and storms and people disappeared in the at large(p) sea. Still, people were strong copious to continue their make out for survival, forming what we call a real American nowa days.\n\n2. The American variety. The term American alteration is known to e real one American citizen and or just to a psyche who somehow is acquainted with Americans memorial. Back in the time 18th century the existing colonies were under a great dependence on the British empire, which controlled them and dictated their political and economic strategies. Years passed and the irredeemable changes needful to come. These changes had a lot of ideology in them, as they were full with ideas of independence. The American novelty was more than just the political separation of the long dozen colonies from Britain; it was the program line of a new nation and a new country the unify States of America. So, all the changes in that historical are corresponded to the values and the ideas of that time. For it was the time of the French and Indian war (1754-1763), American contend of Independence (1775-1783) and many other less probative rebels. The changes were well timed for just as John Adams said: The revolution was in the minds and hearts of the people. It was a great fight for independence that resulted in the pick of the first president of the newly formed United States of America, consisting of 13 ex-colonies.\n\nA in truth significant thing to add is that the conversion did not just influence the taradiddle of America it changed the history of the whole world. It was a mutation that created a qualitative new nation of survivors. The American Revolution was the driving force of the revolutions that took place all over the world creating updated societies. So, the conflict of that time was exhalation against the set ways of living people had. They were dependent of far governments that did not feel them but simply gave directions. The prosperity was the switching of these obtruding government by a completely new superstar and actually by a completely new country.It is very hard to underestimate the genuine value of the American Revolution for all single American. It did not just simply resultant function the cultural development and the nation itself, for it was the pray of the existance of the nation. Basically facial expression the American Revolution of the thirteen North American colonies against the British rule was the key portion of the creation of a new independent severalise the United States of America. It was prepared by the forgo socio-economic history of the colonies. The development of capitalism in the colonies and the graduation of the validation of the north-American nation contradicted the metropolitan insurance policy of the British Empire, which viewed the colonies as a source of raw materials and as a market. The American Revolution with its War of Independence was a cautious revolution, which lead to the deposit of the colonial suppression and to the organisation of the independent American state. And is as well important the embargos of the British Empire stopped restricting the d evelopment of industry and trade in the colonies. It was a magnificent beginning of a new state!\n\n3. The gracious War. The civilised War took place on the grease of the United States of America in 1861-1865. It was the war in the midst of the bourgeois South and North. The South states started a revolt against the North in monastic order to perpetuate and string out the slavery throughout the country. The United States needed changes for it was he time when a person was not considered to have the right to offend another person and call another person a slave and their property. The North was constitute fro those changes, but the South was a different story. As they needed a lot of functional force for their externalisetations they were eager to give about the humane motives and the honourable development. The polite War do a deep mug in the memories of the American citizens because it was the fight against racial prejudice which sometimes still continue all over the world as rudiments of the old times.\n\nThe reasons of the gracious War are very inconsistent and controversial on the other hand. It was not just a war between two exposits of the country it was the war against to completely different hierarchies within one single country. Those were two different social hierarchies of the north and the South. The South had the planters as a well-to-do class, which normally consisted of the descendants of aristocratic English families. The boundless tobacco, cotton, rice and lucre plantations of the South had the Negroes as slaves, who did not have any rights, to work on them.The Civil War expresses the values of par of both personality and the right of every citizen to have this right protected. The history of afro-American population in the United States resulted in the concomitant that they were formally free in the North and a part of the household in the South. The South was against Abraham Lincolns plan to stop slavery in the country. So the Civil War may be the war of two motivations within the very same country. This war has by all odds played an integral role in the political life of the United States of America.\n\nConclusion: The Civil War with the two contradicting ideas of life-styles created prosperity for the country for it made the base for a society with equality in its base in the first place. Another thing was that during the course of the Civil War the first mass official army of a contemporary type was organized.Ass the result of the Civil was and with a cost of immense looses the unity of the United States of America was saved and the slavery was eliminated. The side by side(p) economic ascent made America on of the most ecomonically-developed countries by the beginning of the XX century.The slavery was abolished on the beginning(a) of January 1863 and thought it was just the begging of the true war it was as well as the begging of a new healthy nation. The contribution of the Civil War is immense as it was the series of events that changes the course of history of the country and the nation.If you want to get a full essay, order it on our website: Custom essay writing service. Free essay/order revisions. Essays of any complexity! Courseworks, term papers, research papers. 100% confidential!Homework live help. Custom Essay Order is available 24/7!

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MIA: This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me

Maya Arulpragasam is bringing dancehall, hip-hop and grime to this years Meltdown. Is the outspoken British Sri Lankan the best argument for positive cultural appropriation?

The Guardian said that you couldnt shag to my record. As conversational openers go, MIAs beats the banal niceties of, say, Hello, how are you doing?. Its no surprise that she charges straight into a chat about why her last album was considered too confrontational for the bedroom by this paper. Its an icebreaker moulded to MIAs very own design: abrasive, compelling, underpinned by sex. Yeah, she finally concedes with a grin when I suggest we move past it, you cant have it all, can you?

Its a theme she warms up to when we talk about her edition of Meltdown at the Southbank Centre, which were ostensibly here to discuss. Usually, I wouldnt do something like this, she says, slouched under an oversized khaki coat dress. [But the organisers] were like: Hey, you can do whatever you want. Still, putting on the South Banks annual festival, curated in previous years by the likes of David Bowie, David Byrne and Patti Smith, has turned out to be a fairly arduous affair for MIA who says she doesnt do computers at the moment.

They didnt tell me it was nine days long. I thought it was a weekend. And then all my lists were, like, Well, this person wont be in London and that person is doing Glastonbury. Organising festivals is actually really complicated, she stresses. It wasnt just about dreaming something and then it appeared. Programming literally means, like, programming.

For all that Maya Arulpragasam didnt quite know what she was letting herself in for, one suspects the Southbank Centre didnt either; logistics aside, the mornings photoshoot has already been met with some flapping from the press officer made nervous by MIA climbing on the roof without safety clearance. Still, her lineup dancehall, Brooklyn hip-hop, depressive Swedish rap and Nigerian grime is perhaps the most underground the festival has seen in its 24 years. How much is she expecting to shake up its comfortable concert halls, cafe bars and conference-room spaces?

Click here to watch the video for last years Go Off.

When I was a teenager in London, I would just get a Travelcard and go somewhere, explore the city and go to weird places, she says. I would never judge the place, like, This is middle class and white. This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me, but there wasnt ever a limit on where I could go or what I could do.

A long, elliptical digression on London then and now follows, which takes in the optimistic multiculturalism of the 90s, Tamil house parties, empire and British identity. Its the bento box of an MIA interview: individually contained ideas that dont obviously bleed into one another and yet, overall, make a collective sense if youre prepared to go with it. Thats the key thing about MIA: you have to be willing to go with her to properly get her. Given that she still looks and sounds like a beautiful, bratty, art-school upstart and is prone to labyrinthine tangents, its easy to portray her as inarticulate or unhinged. But MIAs intelligence is instinctive rather than intellectual, and fuelled by the political.

The Mehrabian maxim that reckons that only 7% of communication is verbal is one that might best be proven by the transcript of a chat with MIA removed of all tone, attitude, context and body language. Take, for instance, her explanation of why only the future remains relevant:

As humans, we dont use our past and our history to work out the importance of what our role is in the present, she says. And if you cant use the past to define your present, then it should not be an element that holds back the future. Greece is a perfect example. More than Britain, they were brought to their knees, and not a single white country thought about saving them. And it was part of their heritage. Its where their mythology comes from or their concept of capitalism and democracy comes from. Nobody cared, everybody cared about the modern. Right?

Kim Kardashian is actually more powerful than Greece. She has more money than the whole of Greece, she continues. Therefore, thats where the power lies. If you then define it that way, then you kind of just have to live with that. And maybe whats happening in modern society: that if youre going to judge it by that, then other countries are gonna come in and define the future.

In print, its a statement that seems lacking in logic and coherence. In the moment, Im fairly sure Im able to follow her and we go on to consider how and where this future is being defined (for the record: You cant ignore the fact that China is going to be doing their thing in the next 50 years) and how Arulpragasam believes the immigration issue has become a red herring covering up a truth that can explain the American and British swing to conservative populism.

With Brexit, the idea was to get away from Europe and reinvent our identity, she says. And really, that identity was going to be American, but then they gave us Trump! So, everyone now is like, Oh shit, what is Britain? Are we going to rewind back to the 1800s? We cant. Its too late for that. So, going forward, we need a charismatic leader who then va va vooms the British identity. And we dont have that either.

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted … MIA. Photograph: Stephanie Sian Smith/The Guide

The prime minister has called a snap election on the day we meet. Does MIA have any faith in our political system? Or in the left?

Everyone keeps going, Corbyn cant do this, but its, like, well, who else is there? she says. If people just left him alone to actually do the job and actually gave him some support, maybe hed be different. Treating him with so much contempt fighting that takes all his energy. How the fuck do you expect him to do interesting things? In any case insists the estranged daughter of a Tamil revolutionary, politicians are people who couldnt get jobs somewhere else.

MIAs politics, unwieldy and unslick though they may be, have often made her an easy target for tedious sneering in the press; the most insistent narrative is that, like Banksy, shes big on arch, subversive statement but lacks substance. Or that she is a hypocrite for making herself the poster girl for the worlds most marginalised people. And yet, shes one of the best pop stars Britain has ever produced. For all the ear-clanging experimentation of her five albums, MIA has always kept a sleeve full of pop bangers Bucky Done Gun, Paper Planes, Bad Girls, Finally that have sounded like little that came before or since her. Even if she didnt have the tunes, here is an art-school refugee Sri Lankan single mother with a visual aesthetic co-opted by everyone from Vetements to Versace who was born into political rebellion and revels in controversy. Gleefully gauche and carefree, MIA is the best argument for when cultural appropriation works. Bland singer-songstress beloved of Radio 2 playlists she isnt. So how much has the criticism bothered her?

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted because Im not, she ays. I just had to fight for shit, and I still do. I just dont care any more. I dont know. She stops and starts. What I deal with as an artist, the media, the public persona, its a walk in the fucking park, compared to how confusing the universe really fucking is. Theres so much beauty in it and theres so much mystery, theres so much confusing shit in it. That is way more interesting to think about than why, like, Patricia hates me. You know what I mean? I laugh. Its like, Who the fuck is Patricia? and How can Patricia say this shit about me?. It just does not matter to me at all.As it is, she says shes most preoccupied with how to be a functioning grown up, an adult and a mother to an eight-year-old son (whose father Benjamin Bronfman is son to the billionaire heir of the Seagram fortune) born into immense privilege.

When the war came to an end in Sri Lanka in 2009, it actually did affect me, she explains. Everyone was, like, What the fuck does she know? Shes, like, a pop star, but that was my life. It was 50% of who I was, it was my identity. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I had a kid. Its the year the cause died, but the year my personal cause my son was born. And then, OK, I have to figure out what to do in very small parameters: I have a son, how is he going to see his grandma, am I going to make it there on Saturday? Can I make sure that I dont mess up his head by being depressed about certain things?

She struggles to reconcile her upbringing poor and living in Sri Lanka for her childhood to poor and living on a council estate in Mitcham, south London, in her adolescence with her sons. Im not very straightforward as an immigrant. That whole My kids would never see the pain that I saw; Im not like that. Im totally up for reintroducing him to the pain. I dont have any qualms about that. Her problems havent changed, she says, because of money or better circumstances. Whether Im in a mansion or a council flat, I would feel the same anxiety waking up going: I need to write this thing in a scrapbook, wheres my notepad? I would still have all those problems. I might still overcook the fish fingers. Those things are not going to magically transform because your house has changed. At the beginning I thought that money couldve saved my family. Very quickly I realised that money is not the thing.

Her conflict in wanting to being huge and commercial versus credible and ahead of the curve has been a persistent tension threaded through MIAs career. When I got into the music game, it was never an option to shut up and make lots of money. she says. To be a huge pop star, I would have to be, like, Yes, I think bombing Afghanistan was a great idea, I love our democracy and what it has achieved. I love the American flag and Im going to make a jumpsuit out of it. I just think it was important to have all of those Arab Springs, and its great and lets drink Coca-Cola. I had to do that, and do it all in a thong. Could I have done that if it meant that my mum had the nicest house in Chiswick by the river?

Click here to se the video for MIAs Bad Girls.

Does she worry about money now? If youre preaching living within your means, you have to, to some extent. But I also know that if youre someone in society that speaks out about injustice or political issues, one of the things that happens is that you get economically punished, 100%. I take that hit all the time.

The most recent, obvious example was MIA being forced to quit her headline slot at Afropunk last year, following a contentious quote in which she asked in an interview why Beyonc and Kendrick Lamar might not discuss why Muslim lives matter or Syrian lives matter. I dont regret [raising the issue], she says, with triumphant chutzpah. You saw how bad it was. And the Muslim ban didnt happen just with Trump, it was already happening under Obama. But you couldnt say that about him, you couldnt say that he introduced the Muslim ban, or banned seven different countries, or was already monitoring people, or dropped more bombs than Trump has. In truth, Obamas administration did identify the seven countries on Trumps list for additional screening measures, but it didnt bar their nationals. Shes already skipped ahead. The quantity of damage cant be quantified right now, she insists. Well have to wait the four years. After eight years of Obama, we kind of knew [his failings], but we just werent allowed to say them because he was so great. He was better than any person in Hollywood that I wouldve watched. He was really likable and just had loads of swag. That doesnt mean that you have to deny the truth, though.

This (and much more) comes moments after she tells me she has no time for opinions these days. She claims she doesnt read the news any more and that her primary sources for information are customers at the local kebab shop, taxi drivers and then sort of figuring it out. What about the state of the world? MIAs moment as an agitprop pop activist has never seemed more potent. Politics? I have no time for these things because Im so stuck in the zone. Ive become a hermit. [Meltdown] is actually giving me the chance to actually go out and meet people again. Ive gone for weeks without talking to a person, I do that happily. I tell her I dont believe her, as I suspect it would be a recipe for her to go fully barmy.

Im actually quite an extreme person, so I dont see that as madness. I see that as, like, solitude, doing a phase of solitude is not that bad. After declaring her fifth album AIM to be her final one, shes also trying to find new ways to channel her creativity. Im trying to write a film. I havent stepped into it yet because I want it to be good. Once you hit the start button you cant really stop it. She has, she tells me, the added complication of ADD to contend with. When was that diagnosed? I just have it. Dont even need diagnosis, its a waste of time, its a waste of the NHS. In truly blithe MIA style, she adds: Its just when you have too many ideas and not enough ways to get them out.

MIAs Meltdown is at the Southbank Centre, SE1, 9-18 June

Read more: http://ift.tt/2rBtxTD

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[trendingnewsb]

MIA: This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me

Maya Arulpragasam is bringing dancehall, hip-hop and grime to this years Meltdown. Is the outspoken British Sri Lankan the best argument for positive cultural appropriation?

The Guardian said that you couldnt shag to my record. As conversational openers go, MIAs beats the banal niceties of, say, Hello, how are you doing?. Its no surprise that she charges straight into a chat about why her last album was considered too confrontational for the bedroom by this paper. Its an icebreaker moulded to MIAs very own design: abrasive, compelling, underpinned by sex. Yeah, she finally concedes with a grin when I suggest we move past it, you cant have it all, can you?

Its a theme she warms up to when we talk about her edition of Meltdown at the Southbank Centre, which were ostensibly here to discuss. Usually, I wouldnt do something like this, she says, slouched under an oversized khaki coat dress. [But the organisers] were like: Hey, you can do whatever you want. Still, putting on the South Banks annual festival, curated in previous years by the likes of David Bowie, David Byrne and Patti Smith, has turned out to be a fairly arduous affair for MIA who says she doesnt do computers at the moment.

They didnt tell me it was nine days long. I thought it was a weekend. And then all my lists were, like, Well, this person wont be in London and that person is doing Glastonbury. Organising festivals is actually really complicated, she stresses. It wasnt just about dreaming something and then it appeared. Programming literally means, like, programming.

For all that Maya Arulpragasam didnt quite know what she was letting herself in for, one suspects the Southbank Centre didnt either; logistics aside, the mornings photoshoot has already been met with some flapping from the press officer made nervous by MIA climbing on the roof without safety clearance. Still, her lineup dancehall, Brooklyn hip-hop, depressive Swedish rap and Nigerian grime is perhaps the most underground the festival has seen in its 24 years. How much is she expecting to shake up its comfortable concert halls, cafe bars and conference-room spaces?

Click here to watch the video for last years Go Off.

When I was a teenager in London, I would just get a Travelcard and go somewhere, explore the city and go to weird places, she says. I would never judge the place, like, This is middle class and white. This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me, but there wasnt ever a limit on where I could go or what I could do.

A long, elliptical digression on London then and now follows, which takes in the optimistic multiculturalism of the 90s, Tamil house parties, empire and British identity. Its the bento box of an MIA interview: individually contained ideas that dont obviously bleed into one another and yet, overall, make a collective sense if youre prepared to go with it. Thats the key thing about MIA: you have to be willing to go with her to properly get her. Given that she still looks and sounds like a beautiful, bratty, art-school upstart and is prone to labyrinthine tangents, its easy to portray her as inarticulate or unhinged. But MIAs intelligence is instinctive rather than intellectual, and fuelled by the political.

The Mehrabian maxim that reckons that only 7% of communication is verbal is one that might best be proven by the transcript of a chat with MIA removed of all tone, attitude, context and body language. Take, for instance, her explanation of why only the future remains relevant:

As humans, we dont use our past and our history to work out the importance of what our role is in the present, she says. And if you cant use the past to define your present, then it should not be an element that holds back the future. Greece is a perfect example. More than Britain, they were brought to their knees, and not a single white country thought about saving them. And it was part of their heritage. Its where their mythology comes from or their concept of capitalism and democracy comes from. Nobody cared, everybody cared about the modern. Right?

Kim Kardashian is actually more powerful than Greece. She has more money than the whole of Greece, she continues. Therefore, thats where the power lies. If you then define it that way, then you kind of just have to live with that. And maybe whats happening in modern society: that if youre going to judge it by that, then other countries are gonna come in and define the future.

In print, its a statement that seems lacking in logic and coherence. In the moment, Im fairly sure Im able to follow her and we go on to consider how and where this future is being defined (for the record: You cant ignore the fact that China is going to be doing their thing in the next 50 years) and how Arulpragasam believes the immigration issue has become a red herring covering up a truth that can explain the American and British swing to conservative populism.

With Brexit, the idea was to get away from Europe and reinvent our identity, she says. And really, that identity was going to be American, but then they gave us Trump! So, everyone now is like, Oh shit, what is Britain? Are we going to rewind back to the 1800s? We cant. Its too late for that. So, going forward, we need a charismatic leader who then va va vooms the British identity. And we dont have that either.

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted … MIA. Photograph: Stephanie Sian Smith/The Guide

The prime minister has called a snap election on the day we meet. Does MIA have any faith in our political system? Or in the left?

Everyone keeps going, Corbyn cant do this, but its, like, well, who else is there? she says. If people just left him alone to actually do the job and actually gave him some support, maybe hed be different. Treating him with so much contempt fighting that takes all his energy. How the fuck do you expect him to do interesting things? In any case insists the estranged daughter of a Tamil revolutionary, politicians are people who couldnt get jobs somewhere else.

MIAs politics, unwieldy and unslick though they may be, have often made her an easy target for tedious sneering in the press; the most insistent narrative is that, like Banksy, shes big on arch, subversive statement but lacks substance. Or that she is a hypocrite for making herself the poster girl for the worlds most marginalised people. And yet, shes one of the best pop stars Britain has ever produced. For all the ear-clanging experimentation of her five albums, MIA has always kept a sleeve full of pop bangers Bucky Done Gun, Paper Planes, Bad Girls, Finally that have sounded like little that came before or since her. Even if she didnt have the tunes, here is an art-school refugee Sri Lankan single mother with a visual aesthetic co-opted by everyone from Vetements to Versace who was born into political rebellion and revels in controversy. Gleefully gauche and carefree, MIA is the best argument for when cultural appropriation works. Bland singer-songstress beloved of Radio 2 playlists she isnt. So how much has the criticism bothered her?

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted because Im not, she ays. I just had to fight for shit, and I still do. I just dont care any more. I dont know. She stops and starts. What I deal with as an artist, the media, the public persona, its a walk in the fucking park, compared to how confusing the universe really fucking is. Theres so much beauty in it and theres so much mystery, theres so much confusing shit in it. That is way more interesting to think about than why, like, Patricia hates me. You know what I mean? I laugh. Its like, Who the fuck is Patricia? and How can Patricia say this shit about me?. It just does not matter to me at all.As it is, she says shes most preoccupied with how to be a functioning grown up, an adult and a mother to an eight-year-old son (whose father Benjamin Bronfman is son to the billionaire heir of the Seagram fortune) born into immense privilege.

When the war came to an end in Sri Lanka in 2009, it actually did affect me, she explains. Everyone was, like, What the fuck does she know? Shes, like, a pop star, but that was my life. It was 50% of who I was, it was my identity. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I had a kid. Its the year the cause died, but the year my personal cause my son was born. And then, OK, I have to figure out what to do in very small parameters: I have a son, how is he going to see his grandma, am I going to make it there on Saturday? Can I make sure that I dont mess up his head by being depressed about certain things?

She struggles to reconcile her upbringing poor and living in Sri Lanka for her childhood to poor and living on a council estate in Mitcham, south London, in her adolescence with her sons. Im not very straightforward as an immigrant. That whole My kids would never see the pain that I saw; Im not like that. Im totally up for reintroducing him to the pain. I dont have any qualms about that. Her problems havent changed, she says, because of money or better circumstances. Whether Im in a mansion or a council flat, I would feel the same anxiety waking up going: I need to write this thing in a scrapbook, wheres my notepad? I would still have all those problems. I might still overcook the fish fingers. Those things are not going to magically transform because your house has changed. At the beginning I thought that money couldve saved my family. Very quickly I realised that money is not the thing.

Her conflict in wanting to being huge and commercial versus credible and ahead of the curve has been a persistent tension threaded through MIAs career. When I got into the music game, it was never an option to shut up and make lots of money. she says. To be a huge pop star, I would have to be, like, Yes, I think bombing Afghanistan was a great idea, I love our democracy and what it has achieved. I love the American flag and Im going to make a jumpsuit out of it. I just think it was important to have all of those Arab Springs, and its great and lets drink Coca-Cola. I had to do that, and do it all in a thong. Could I have done that if it meant that my mum had the nicest house in Chiswick by the river?

Click here to se the video for MIAs Bad Girls.

Does she worry about money now? If youre preaching living within your means, you have to, to some extent. But I also know that if youre someone in society that speaks out about injustice or political issues, one of the things that happens is that you get economically punished, 100%. I take that hit all the time.

The most recent, obvious example was MIA being forced to quit her headline slot at Afropunk last year, following a contentious quote in which she asked in an interview why Beyonc and Kendrick Lamar might not discuss why Muslim lives matter or Syrian lives matter. I dont regret [raising the issue], she says, with triumphant chutzpah. You saw how bad it was. And the Muslim ban didnt happen just with Trump, it was already happening under Obama. But you couldnt say that about him, you couldnt say that he introduced the Muslim ban, or banned seven different countries, or was already monitoring people, or dropped more bombs than Trump has. In truth, Obamas administration did identify the seven countries on Trumps list for additional screening measures, but it didnt bar their nationals. Shes already skipped ahead. The quantity of damage cant be quantified right now, she insists. Well have to wait the four years. After eight years of Obama, we kind of knew [his failings], but we just werent allowed to say them because he was so great. He was better than any person in Hollywood that I wouldve watched. He was really likable and just had loads of swag. That doesnt mean that you have to deny the truth, though.

This (and much more) comes moments after she tells me she has no time for opinions these days. She claims she doesnt read the news any more and that her primary sources for information are customers at the local kebab shop, taxi drivers and then sort of figuring it out. What about the state of the world? MIAs moment as an agitprop pop activist has never seemed more potent. Politics? I have no time for these things because Im so stuck in the zone. Ive become a hermit. [Meltdown] is actually giving me the chance to actually go out and meet people again. Ive gone for weeks without talking to a person, I do that happily. I tell her I dont believe her, as I suspect it would be a recipe for her to go fully barmy.

Im actually quite an extreme person, so I dont see that as madness. I see that as, like, solitude, doing a phase of solitude is not that bad. After declaring her fifth album AIM to be her final one, shes also trying to find new ways to channel her creativity. Im trying to write a film. I havent stepped into it yet because I want it to be good. Once you hit the start button you cant really stop it. She has, she tells me, the added complication of ADD to contend with. When was that diagnosed? I just have it. Dont even need diagnosis, its a waste of time, its a waste of the NHS. In truly blithe MIA style, she adds: Its just when you have too many ideas and not enough ways to get them out.

MIAs Meltdown is at the Southbank Centre, SE1, 9-18 June

Read more: http://ift.tt/2rBtxTD

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2rbYbGf via Viral News HQ