#just went to a july talk concert with <3 and crown lands opened and i am O_O

[nawmasanok]

EVERYONE LISTEN TO CROWN LANDS RIGHT NOW I DEMAND IT

[aro-of-artemis]

It's what you do with the things you love!

3 times the boys give Julie kisses and 1 time they have a cuddle pile.

AKA an excessive number of hugs, kisses and I love yous because they're all touch starved and they deserve it.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331480

{1} Alex

 Somewhere in the back of her mind, Julie knows she's dreaming. But that knowledge doesn't make her feel any better. She can feel the staccato thrum in her chest even as she sleeps, her lungs filling and deflating too quickly, making her feel hollowed out like a wind tunnel. Dreams, some nonsensical, others entirely too real, blur and warp in her head. She sees her mother's casket being covered in dirt, hears the pulsing, beeping heartbeat seemingly echoing from the very walls of a hospital. She sees the boys, her boys, laying in a haphazard pile, tear stained and rumpled and slowly disintegrating, turning to bone and then ash and then dust, blown away by a source-less wind. She sees-

 "Julie."

 Her frantic twisting and turning in bed is disturbed by a voice laced with concern. She can still feel her heartbeat in her ears. The rise and fall of her chest does not slow down but she is mercifully rescued from her dreams. She begins to cry. Big, loud sobs that judder and heave like a ship on a stormy sea.

 "Hey, hey, hey," the voice says, gently. She turns her face to see Alex crouched by the side of her bed, resting his hands on the edge like he wants to reach out and touch her but he's not sure if he's allowed. He turns one palm up in silent question. Julie nods desperately, sobs never ceasing.

 Alex moves slowly, sliding in next to Julie, half sitting up. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and she gratefully buries her face in his chest, body still shuddering. His other arm comes around to encircle her completely. He doesn't say much - there's not much he can say that would actually help - so he just holds her to his chest and runs his hands over her hair and down her back in long, soothing strokes.

 He slides down a bit more so that her head is fitted under his chin, her damp breaths against the collar of his hoodie. The tears have quietened a bit, beat out by sheer exhaustion. When she speaks, her voice is raw.

 "Thank you, Alex."

 "Of course, Jules. I love you."

 "Love you, too," she murmurs into his chest.

 He tucks his chin, pressing a soft kiss against the crown of her head, her curls tickling at his nose. She lets out a deep sigh, her tense muscles relaxing in small increments.

 "Will you stay with me?" Her voice is small, uncertain.

 "As long as you need."

Her breathing grows deep and slow, a slight rasp around the edges that approaches a snore. Alex lets his eyes pull shut and slips off into sleep.

 ~~~

 Sometimes Ray wakes in the middle of the night, filled with a sudden dread and the urgent need to check on his kids. Tonight, he has a distinct sense that something is wrong with Julie.

 Quietly, he swings his legs out of bed and makes his way down the hall, feet scuffing against the floor in a hushed whisper. Her door stands slightly ajar and he nudges it further open, eyes searching out his daughter.

 He is momentarily startled to see not one but two bodies in her bed but the sun rises in his chest at the sight before him, dispelling the menacing shadows of night. A pink-clad torso curls protectively around Julie, shielding her from any and all threats within and without. Alex's soft gold hair falls in every which direction and his normally anxious face is eased with sleep. Ray smiles and pulls the door shut.

  {2} Reggie

 Julie's noticed something. Reggie always wears the same clothes. It's always some combination of his black skinny jeans, a tank top, his leather jacket and his flannel. Luke and Alex seem to mix it up more, so it's not a ghost thing. Maybe he's just committed to the aesthetic, Julie thinks, but she's not so sure. It nags at the back of her mind for days.

 She brings it up to Luke. He looks at her with his big, sad puppy dog eyes. "Yeah, I guess he does. His parents weren't - they didn't really…" Care. He trails off but Julie fills in the blanks. She feels something in her chest harden in anger and yet also soften with tender affection. The result of some strange oxymoron of love.

 Luke doesn't offer any more information and Julie doesn't press but plans are already forming in her head.

 She has a hushed conversation with her father which ends with a credit card pressed into her hand and the encouragement to "go nuts - within reason". She tells the boys the next day that she's hanging with Flynn and that they should under no circumstances interrupt her. It's not a lie - Flynn's eye for clothes and talent for thrifting is an invaluable part of this mission.

 They spend the next day rifling through thrift stores and shopping centres, collecting flannels and t-shirts and jeans that match Reggie's style. (And perhaps they purchase socks and undies for all of the boys because honestly. And maybe Flynn stumbles upon a band shirt that would be just perfect for Luke and Julie finds a fanny pack that was made for Alex).

 Tote bags full-to-bursting perched on her shoulders, Julie makes her way down the garden path and pushes her way into the studio. She finds the boys lounging on the couch, Luke and Reggie idly plucking at their guitar strings and Alex hanging upside down off it.

 "Julie!" they chorus as she enters.

 A small laugh enters her voice. "What are you guys doing?" It turns into a full-belly laugh as Alex tries to extricate himself from his precarious position and ends up landing on his head.

 Reggie notices the bags on her shoulders. "Whatcha got, Jules?" His enthusiasm is infections.

 "Well…," she says, drawing it out. She sets the bags down on the piano and starts unloading them, making a small pile off to the side for Alex and Luke. Once she's finished, she steps back with a satisfied nod and a flourish. "It's for you, Reg."

 His smile drops. "For me?"

 She nods, biting her lip nervously. Now that she's here, she isn't sure how he'll react. Would he be mad that she'd overstepped? Embarrassed? She watches his face carefully for a reaction. Her heart drops to her shoes when tears start spilling down his cheeks.

 "Oh! Reggie, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have assumed, I should have asked before I -" She's abruptly cut off when warm arms pull her into his chest and she lets out a soft oof. But she revels in the embrace, letting Reggie hold her as long as he needs.

 When he pulls back a bit, his eyes are red and puffy but he's smiling once more. "Don't apologise, Julie. I - It's just that no one's ever - no one's done this before. Thank you."

 Julie can feel a stinging sensation at the back of her eyes and a boulder forming in her throat but she manages to croak out, "Of course, Reggie. I love you." She tugs on his necklace affectionately.

 Fresh tears spill down his face. He leans forward, ducking his head down to press a gentle kiss into the softness of her cheek and pulls her back into an embrace.

 "Love you, too, Jules."

 ~~~

 "You bought us underwear?"

 "Yes."

 "I dunno how to feel about that, Jules."

A sigh. "Just say thank you and move on."

"Thank you, " is said in a three-part chorus.

 {3} Luke

 Julie lays on her bed, stomach pressed against the soft duvet and heels kicking in the air behind her. But her eyebrows are furrowing in tense concentration and her fingers are tight around her pen. Spread haphazardly before her are various textbooks and notebooks, her laptop open off to one side. An irritated sigh drives its way out of her throat when disorderly curls fall into her face again.

 As if summoned, Luke poofs into her room. She doesn't look up.

 "Hey! Jules. You nearly finished with your school work?"

"No." She says it flat and terse, eyes fixed on the page before her.

 "Oh." His face momentarily creases but he shrugs and makes himself comfortable at the end of her bed, leaning his side up against it. His chin rests just on the edge. "I'll just wait here until you're done then."

 Julie doesn't respond.

 Time passes. An hour perhaps, but Luke's never had the best sense of time. His brain always seems to warp and shift it. He stays admirably quiet, considering, if he does say so himself. He paces around the room, fiddling with knick knacks and keepsakes, admiring (from a distance) pictures of Julie and her mom. He gives the dream box a wide berth (even if his eyes keep being drawn to it. Especially so).

 Eventually, he sits himself back down in his original position, eyes glancing around the room. Absentmindedly, his hand reaches out to tug at a curl that had fallen forward over Julie's face.

 "Would you STOP that?" she snaps.

 His hand jerks back as if scalded. "Julie - what - I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - ". His eyes are wide, eyebrows practically disappearing into his hairline.

 Julie's breath leaves her chest all in a rush, as if trying to beat the traffic at the end of a concert. Her face drops into her hands. Luke looks at her in consternation, unsure where he went wrong until he sees her back begin to shake with awful, desperate sounds.

 "Julie - I - are you okay?"

 She doesn't answer but continues to tremble.

 "Julie. Jules. Talk to me. Or - or do you want me to leave. I can go if you want. I didn't -" He begins to rise, backing up.

 He's stopped in his tracks, half crouched, by a garbled sound that he thinks was no.

 "Okay," he says. He sits back down. Thinking. His eyes never leave Julie. "If, if you don't wanna talk about it, would you like a hug instead? I'm told I give pretty good hugs."

The hiccupy almost-sobs are interrupted by a wet chuckle. Her head nods minutely. Luke's not sure he would have noticed except for how close he's watching her.

 His muscles bring him to standing and he opens his arms wide. "C'mere," he says. Just quietly. She swings herself over the side of her bed and just about flings herself at his chest. He wraps his arms around her, as tight as they go, matching her grip, and just holds her for a while, rocking back and forth slowly.

 ~~~

 Luke's hugging her so tight. She feels so safe and so warm. His small shushing sounds cease when he presses his warm, dry lips against her forehead. He keeps them there and strokes her hair gently, careful not to snag any curls. Julie feels her shoulders drop, finally, some of the tension unspooling from her spine. She breathes in, 2, 3, 4 and out, 2, 3, 4 and in and out for a while longer.

 Once her heart has calmed from a jackhammer to the mere ticking of a clock, she pulls back to look at him. His eyes are like an ocean at storm, a wild mess of greygreenblue.

 "Luke, I'm sorry, I - "

 "You don't need to apologise." One of his hands comes up to cup her jaw, dragging a thumb under the corner of her eye where tears still linger. She feels her heart grow a couple of sizes.

 "I want to," she insists, looking down bashfully.  "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I've just been really overwhelmed by my school work and it was feeling like too much. But I, um, I think I just needed a really good cry 'cause I haven't in a while and I - " Her words stumble when she looks back up because there's a bittersweet crinkle around the corners of his eyes and his eyebrows are so earnest that she has to just reach up and touch one, grazing her thumb along it.

 He laughs a little. Just softly.

 "And thank you. For the hug," she says. "You really are excellent at hugs. 10 out of 10. Would hug again"

 His eyes crinkle again but this time with mirth. "Of course, Julie. Anytime. Day or night."

 Her thumb is still on the tail of his eyebrow and the rest of her hand is cupping his cheek. He may be a ghost but she can feel the warmth of his skin against her palm, the rushing of blood beneath the surface, the faint freckles that wander across his nose.

 And his eyes. She could write entire songs about his eyes - whole albums - and still not know what colour they were or how to capture how they shift with his mood like a flag in the wind.

 Her gaze drops to his lips without her permission. As they lift into a tentative smile, her thumb drags over the crease of skin where his smile lines form and tugs at the edge where his mouth curls up, making him smile wider.

 Julie looks back up to his eyes after eons to find him staring back just as intently. His lips part slightly, as if in awe, unsure what to say. Finally, they resolve into the soft sounds of her name.

 "Julie. Can I - ?"

 "Please." Her voice is barely a whisper.

 Slowly, as if encased in glass, he lowers his face to meet hers. Their lips brush, mere millimetres away from each other. The air crackles. And then breaks.

 Julie pushes her lips up to meet his. They're warm (still). And soft. Her whole face, her whole body, is alight, lines of warmth spreading from every place skin meets skin. She presses into him harder and he presses back. The hand still on his face hooks around his ear, bringing him closer. One of his arms curls around the small of her back, pulling her in and his thumb rubs small circles on the sharp of her cheekbone, his calluses catching against her skin. She never wants this to end but she has to breathe, even if he - technically - doesn't.

 She pulls back but doesn't go far, resting her forehead against his. She can practically feel the curlicue of his mouth against hers, his breath tickling her face.

 "You're amazing, Julie." His expression is thunderstruck, disbelieving, electrified.

 "So are you." She is filled with awe at the idea that she gets to have this. Him. Luke Patterson, the boy she. She - she loves.

 Oh.

 Oh.

 "I love you," she says in wonderment. "So much."

 He laughs, incredulous. She feels unstoppable. "So do I. I - I - I love you so much I don't know what to do with it all."

 Julie laughs back. Delirious. Just this side of hysterical. "Me neither. I wrote an entire song in my head because I had nowhere else to put it."

 Luke snorts. "Me too."

 "Yeah?"

 "Yeah."

 Their smiles could blind astronauts all the way in space.

 {+1}

 Julie turns over in her bed again. She tries to resettle her sheets but her feet get tangled up in the knotted blanket. She lets out a deep sigh and can feel irritation clawing its way up her arms and legs, tugging at her nerve endings, making her want to scream. She turns her head to read the time off her phone and another heartfelt sigh is pulled from her chest as she watches the numbers tick over to 1:13 am.

 She lays there a moment longer, staring up at the ceiling like she's a character in The Office looking at the camera. Hoping - praying - that some semblance of sleepiness would overtake her. But no, that would be far too easy. It's just that something's wrong. She can't put her finger on it but she feels as though the air around her is ill-at-ease with the objects in its path and something in her chest twinges uncomfortably.

 She rolls over and tumbles out of bed, half stumbling to her feet, and makes her way downstairs, outside along the garden path and into the studio. The sight that greets her when she enters is … unnerving.

 Reggie lays in the middle of the floor, arms and legs spread wide, just staring fixedly at nothing. Over on the couch, Luke sits, picking a melancholy tune out on his acoustic. On the floor next to Luke's legs, Alex sits with his knees pulled up to his chest, his chin pressed harshly into them and arms wrapped around his calves. He too looks off into the middle distance.

 "Uh. Hey, guys."

 At the sound of her voice, Luke's fingers falter and the other two's eyes seem to snap back into this reality but none of them move.

 "What's…going on?" she says uncertainly. She feels the weight of three sets of eyes on her, burdened by some incurable sadness. Luke has stopped playing but he still holds his guitar in his lap, clutching it to his chest.

 "Nothing," he says like a lying liar who lies. "We're fine. What're you doing up?"

 Julie narrows her eyes at him, looks to Alex, then Reggie. "Don't change the subject." Her eyes soften though. A few steps across the garage and she settles herself down by Reggie who has yet to move except to bring his hands together over his stomach and begin tugging at his fingers. Gently, she lifts his head up and settles it in her lap. He lets her without argument and she begins to comb her fingers through his soft hair.

 "Clearly something's going on. So spill." Her words are direct but her tone is mild.

 Alex's chin lifts from his knees. "We - I, I was just thinking about my, um, my parents?"

 Julie nods encouragingly at him even as she continues to play with Reggie's hair.

 He continues. "I don't know what happened to my parent since I died. I - I don't know if I wanna know what happened to them. They weren't - they didn't, after I came out -"

 Julie just nods reassuringly. She feels so lucky that her dad was understanding when she told him about her sexuality, even if he didn't understand all of the terminology entirely.

 "But my sister. I think I want to know what happened to her. How she's doing."

 "You have a sister?" Julie's not sure why she's so shocked to find this out.

 "Yeah, a younger sister." He smiles a little, crookedly.

 Julie furrows her eyebrows a bit, considering. "We could find her? If you wanted. I'm sure Dad would be happy to help track her down."

"You'd do that?" His blue eyes shine with something like hope.

 "Of course, Alex." She watches him as he scrubs a hand across his mouth and sniffles. She elects not to say anything but just opens one of her arms. He crawls over and slumps into her warm embrace, breathing shakily.

 Reggie speaks now. "I don't think I want to find my parents. It would be - " He shakes his head and a tear rolls down the side of his face and drops noiselessly onto the floor.

 "That's okay, Reggie."

 "Thanks, Julie. I just sometimes wonder - it doesn't matter though." His watery eyes brighten a touch. "You guys are my family, now."

 Julie feels a warm tear leak out the corner of her eye and make its way down her face, hanging off her chin.

 She turns her face to Luke who hasn't spoken since the beginning. He chuckles softly, shaking his head. His face is dry but his eyes are brighter than normal. "You know my story, Julie. And I'm so …," he tips his head back as if searching for the right words, "… grateful to you for giving my parents closure but I still miss them, y'know?"

 Julie does know. "Luke Patterson, you'd better get your butt over here."

 He smirks a little at that, placing his guitar off to the side finally. As he does so, Julie wiggles herself down so that she's lying across the rug, carefully positioning Reggie's head on her stomach. Alex presses his face into her shoulder on the opposite side to Reggie, throwing his arm over her upper torso. She curls her arm protectively around his shoulders, her thumb stroking against the place where it rests. Luke plops himself down beside her and wedges a cushion under her head. She smiles at him gratefully. He positions himself at her other shoulder, cushioning his head on her outstretched arm so that he lies parallel to Reggie. He loops his arm over Reggie, pulling him to his chest.

 As if they'd planned it, they all released a breath simultaneously. A damp giggle erupts from their pile on the floor.

 After a few minutes of just existing together, Julie clears her throat.

 "I love you guys," she says quietly. "You're my family and I'll do anything I can for you. You've already done so much for me. So if you want to see your families, or if you don't, I'll be here to help you. Just say the word."

 "Thank you, Julie," Alex answers for all of them.

 Time passes and she can feel Luke's breath begin to deepen against her neck and the rise and fall of Reggie's stomach slow. Alex burrows further into her shoulder. Her own eyes feel as though they're being pulled down like the shutters of a shop at the end of the day. She lets herself fall into a deep, restful sleep.

 When morning comes, she lays a kiss on each of their cheeks before she makes her way inside. Because, after all, that's what you do with the things you love.