#kaira pavus

[lgvalenzuela]

Lonely bed

Dorian stretched looking at the candle next to him, he promised himself he would finally go to sleep when the wick was dying, using candles for this sort of thing, surely another habit he picked up during his time in the South.

He opened the case to his crystal again, some lucky nights he would hear him sing, sweet little lullabies he kept close to his heart, but this was not such a lucky night. It was too late for such matters anyway, he wouldn't pine like a maiden on a book, not when he had to catch Up on his beauty sleep. But sometimes he just had to catch up on work, maybe that way he'll be able to go to sleep every night to the arms of the man he loved (well…arm)

He flickered a flame into existence on the palm of his hand and finally blew the candle to rest. Walking to his lonely bed.

Or that's what he thought until he saw Leah, laying on a window frame…quietly crying, probably trying not to wake Kaira up. When she saw him she quickly got up with an apologetic bow she tugged her pajamas with shame:

"I'm sorry master Pavus I was just…"

"Such formalities we're not even on one of our lessons, or an event we need to save face in…" maybe he'd need to use some other night to catch up on that sleep of his "Follow me"

She did as she was told, quite the rebellious kind she was but not with him. She followed him to the kitchen where he lit the room and walked to get utensils, some black tea, milk, spices…

"Are you making-?" she started asking

"No, no, no, you go sit and we'll talk"

Once again she did as told, got a little comfortable and looked at her mentor as he made some tea for her. She chuckled slightly:

"You remind me of my zaza" she said with a little smile "They also did that for me when I was feeling moody"

"Oh do I? Well I'll take it as a compliment, Ryann is a good parent"

"Did you learn this from your mom too?"

"Well…more or less, I got it from my mother in law…my mother, she would make the sl- the servants do it, if at all…"

He placed the tea in front of her, and got some for himself too while they were at it:

"But we're not here to talk about me starlight, won't you tell me why you were crying your little heart out?"

"It's…it's really not important…"

"It's important to me"

She blew onto her cup pouting, she wanted to be strong, she really did, but her mentor already knew her way too well. Also he probably got tips from her parents:

"Last visit to Ferelden I noticed how big my sister was getting…and that I couldn't hold her anymore…" she said

"Go on"

"And I…realized I'm going to lose all of her life…and my brothers too…and…"

"And your parents…"

"On everything I knew before I came here…Ferelden seems more and more like a distant memory every time I go…and I recognize less and less of it…

And there's so much I miss…I miss the mountains, and the cold, and the snow…

And sometimes I just get like this…"

"I see"

"I know it's stupid"

"My dear do you really think I of all people will judge you for missing?" he fiddled with his wedding ring

"Sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Non taken starlight" he rested his face on his hand "So tell me, what do you want to do?"

"I…I just don't know! Because even though I miss it I don't want to leave! When I'm there I'm so happy to be with my family but I miss the hot, and the fruit and you and Kaira"

"Oh I'm honored" she pouted at him "Sorry, sorry, go on"

"I'm happy here, I want to keep studying, I want to make a place with you and the rest that won't hurt people like my uncle Fenris, or Aeryn, or Kaira anymore…"

"Yes…me too…And you starlight, are such a brilliant young lady, I know with the right education you'll be one of the best mages of your generation"

She blushed from her mentor's compliment and sipped on her tea:

"This is really good"

"Well thank you, Adaar family recipe" he winked and she giggled

She bounced her legs a bit:

"Sometimes…the letters are just not enough…and I'm sure it's like that for them too…"

He thought of Anders and Ryann Hawke, waiting anxiously for their daughter's letters, how they ran to her every time they went to Ferelden. And his mind went to Vaelaan, when he hunched down to let their daughter run straight into his chest so he could hold her, and their late night talks speaking of how much of their lives were passing by without each other.

And what to tell this little girl when he was much older than her and still as lost as she was? Was she still young enough to believe adults had all the answers? Was she old enough to learn that life isn't always fair?

He was circling back through these conflicts until she just hugged him, he hugged her back, still a little confused:

"Thank you…I needed to talk"

"Oh yes, of course" well maybe in a way he dodged a spell, raising kids was hard

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"I don't know…" she looked at him with puppy eyes "Agh, not that…well fine, but only because you're feeling blue"

"Okay I'll call Kaira"

"Wait wh-"

But she was already gone, ten minutes later he was sleeping (well, trying) with two girls, a cat and a mabari. He opened the case of his crystal one last time and left it on the table. Still no luck, no noise, no voice…but maybe he'd wake up to it and that was still a blessing.

As much as the family he had with him at times like that, when he felt like he was going to a lonely room, and a lonely bed.