#keeping all this to myself/the blog only maybe 3 people paybattention to because I don't want to feel like a burden
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Y'all ever just be an inch from having a complete mental breakdown at work?
#goo noises#i am not okay#it feels like a lot of things are just fucked#*gestures to the world in general*#add to that the following#impulsive thoughts of suicide/self harm that scare me and drain my mental battery#crippling loneliness with the inability to ever feel like I belong#executive dysfunction nerfing the desire to do any and every thing that possibly might bring me joy#having to weigh personal freedom over financial stability#keeping all this to myself/the blog only maybe 3 people paybattention to because I don't want to feel like a burden#as well as feeling like the 3 people I can confide in about this don't really understand any of it#oh and don't forget the ever shitty feeling of 'my life feels super stagnate and will never amount to anything meaningful'#and the fact that my mental illness puts me at a disadvantage in trying to be good at any video game I try enjoying#for the simple reason being that I can't process more than one thing at a time#at this point I feel I only really have reasons to not die rather than to keep living#ironically it's the same shitty feeling of not wanting to be a burden that's behind most of it#tw suicide ideation#tw depressive spiral
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