#kiiitttyyy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “Kitty”

The Joker broke his left leg and nope, it’s not due to a glorious outcome of him being chased by Batsy or the cops: he got out of his Lamborghini in front of the club and slipped on ice- almost full cast and bedridden for a while. J has always been an awful patient and now you have to take care of him again. You’re sooo lucky, especially since your boyfriend loves to call you “Kitty” instead of “Kitten” when he’s needy. It’s going to be fun…

“Kitty? Hey, Kitty!!!” The Joker shouts and you don’t want to answer but you have to.

“Yes, baby?”

“Can you make me a caramel latte?”

“Coming!!” you fumble around the kitchen, working on the request then run to your patient. “Here,” you hand him over the beverage. J takes a sip and frowns.

“It’s too sweet, Princess, make me another one.”

“Kaaayyyy…” you get mad but don’t show it. You start all over again and return to the master bedroom. He tastes the latte and pouts.

“It’s too bitter, Y/N. Can you make me another one?”

(Internally screaming.)

“Sure, honey,” you smile, already tired since you have to do so many things for him: he wants like…everything. You leave but stay in the hallway, playing with your phone for about 3 minutes and return with the same cup.

“How is it?” you innocently ask.

“Mmmm, perfect, I like it!” he enjoys his drink and you want to choke him but decide to skip it. Just as you thought: The Joker doesn’t know what he wants, yet sure has a lot of demands.

“I want a sponge bath,” he winks, setting aside his mug.

“Well, I can help you take a shower,” you try to get out of it.

Why? Because every time J wants a bath, it ends up with him playing with the water and splashing all over the place. As a result, you already had to change the double king mattress six times this month. It’s so huge that it doesn’t fit in the elevator and your men have to carry it up the stairs to the 30th floor. They must love it.

“No, I want you to give me a sponge bath. And I wasn’t asking; I said I WANT ONE.”

“Uhhhh…” you grunt, seeing you have no choice. “Do you promise to behave?”

“A-ha,” J licks his lips and you have your doubts, yet there is nothing you can do about it.

Yeap, as soon as you bring the plastic basin full of water, he starts his crap.

“You missed a spot, Princess,” he bites his cheek, sighing.

You roll your eyes and continue to go down his abs. Since he’s been…impaired, he only wears boxers, it’s more comfortable.

“Lower Kitty,” he smirks and you don’t even look his way. Noticing he gets no reaction, J yanks your hand away so you fall on top of him. “Wet t-shirt contest!!!” he yells and dumps the water on both of you while you scream, wiggling around to escape.

“For God’s sake, J, you promised!!!” you admonish him, wiping your face.

“You should know better than anyone that I never keep my promises,” he spanks your wet shorts, purring and that wide Don Juan grin makes you lower your defense. “I think you’re winning the contest.”

“Should I take my t-shirt off then?... This way I can enjoy my price?” you candidly check, playing along since there is no way he’ll let you go at this point.

“Yeah, do it !” The Joker promptly rips the fabric, excited he can kill the boredom with what he likes to call his favorite recreational activity.

You have a million things to do but duty calls.

****************

“Kittttyyy?”

Oh, no.

“Yes, baby?”

“What are you doing?” your boyfriend demands to know even if he is aware of your current whereabouts.

“I’m in the living room, putting money in boxes !”

“Com’ere, Daddy needs you!”

Great…

You oblige and his smile is extra-creepy when you walk in.

“Pumpkin, I would like to use one of my coupons.”

“I don’t have time for…”

“NOW!!!!”

Yes, the coupons: you made a coupon book you gave to him for Christmas with 100 things he can redeem during the year, mostly naughty stuff.

“I really have to finish my task, J .”

“Oh, I apologize,” The Joker huffs, getting irritated. “ Is this your signature and lipstick on these pieces of paper?”

“U-hum,” you admit.

“Does it say on the bottom of each single one Redeemable at any time by Mister J?”

“U-hum,” you sniffle.

“Well then, seems pretty official to me!” he raises his voice.

“Fine,” you agree, resigned. “Which one are you redeeming?”

J gives the coupon a quick glance: “Make out for 30 minutes.”

“Uhhhh,” you grunt since you’re short on time.

“Uhhhh?! Are you joking?! Get your ass here!”

As you approach the bed, he has to point put:

“When are you going to redeem my coupons?”

Yes, his coupons… He gave them to you for Christmas: 200 of them, all written for the same thing – sex.

“They’re useless,” you pout, taking a sit by him. “We have sex all the time!”

“How rude, Doll ! Those are the best coupons ever! I spoil you rotten and you don’t even appreciate it,” J tugs on your hair so hard you wince in pain.

“Spoil me rotten?!”

“Zip it!,” he covers your mouth. “I wanna redeem my coupon and you’ll redeem one of yours in the same time.”

“Baby, I have so many things to do!”

“Bla, bla, bla…Don’t care!” and you get groped, pinched, undressed – in that order. “Shut up and do as you’re told!”

You have a million things to do but I guess duty calls.

Note to self: don’t ever give him coupons again.

************

You put in a blue ray for him and turn on the fireplace too, this way he has a movie to watch while you hope to finish a few chores.

“Kiiitttyyy! Hey, Kiiittyyyy!!!!

Jesus, seriously?!

“Yes, honey?”

“Com’ere!”

You’re stomping towards the master bedroom, annoyed.

“WHAT??!!!!!??”

“Watch your attitude, woman!” J growls, not pleased with the tone of your voice.

“You need anything?!” you continue, exasperated, defying the warning.

The Joker’s finger aims towards his mid-section:

“Daddy wants to take you on a ride to Fun Town. Com’ere, you bad Kitty!”

“NO!” you cross your arms on your chest, sulking. “Watch the movie!”

“What do you mean NO?!” J glares your way, stunned. He really has trouble understanding the meaning of the word: being refused is a concept he’s not accustomed to.

“NO as in: it’s not happening, zero, nada, nothing. The rest of us have to go on a heist tonight, you know that. I have to get ready, ok?”

“Huh?”

Still having issues processing the rejection.

“I have to go to the hideout and prepare, I’ll see you in a few hours, alright? You have everything you need around and your crutches are right by the bed. Behave honey,” and you exit the room in a hurry, heading towards the elevator.

“You’re cut off, Doll !!! No more sex for you!!!!!” you hear him shout and for some reason you have the boldness to reply:

“How can I be cut off from something I don’t want ?!”

J sat there petrified for a good half an hour. He had such a craving to run after you and kill you, but his range of motion is limited so instead he had a temper tantrum, breaking anything he was able to reach.

Nobody rejects The Joker!!!

*****************

You felt guilty about what came out of your mouth the second you said it but it was too late to take it back. After all, you do love the devilish coupon redeemer you can’t live without; such a sucker for his whims…

When you get back it’s late and you silently clean all the broken glass around the bedroom, careful not to wake him up. You watch J sleep for a little bit, his face lighted up by the flames dancing in the fireplace. Knowing the green haired plague, he probably had a horrible fit and you start feeling sorry for him even if you shouldn’t.

I mean, the great Joker is out of business for a while…bored as hell. What else can he do to chase away the monotony besides his favorite recreational activity?

You take your clothes off and sneak under the covers, holding him from behind since he’s not facing you.

“Go away…” he grumbles and moves away from you, groaning in pain from his broken limb.

You scoot close to him again, kissing the back of his neck, his shoulder and go down his arm.

“Stop it ! Get lost!” The Joker elbows you, cranky and sour from the earlier event.

“I’m sorry, OK?” you whisper in his ear, caressing his locks.

“Too late!” he hums, irritated. “Leave me alone!”

“Turn around, I want to talk to you.”

“Disappear!”

“Baabbbyyy…” you softly whine, “…can I redeem one of your coupons?” you try the strategy, hopeful for a positive answer.

“No! I told you you’re cut off!” J bitterly snarls. “I want to sleep, go!”

“But how can I be cut off from such fine quality merchandise?” you snuggle to him, pecking his back all over.

“I thought you don’t want the merchandise,“ he sarcastically reminds you.

“Of course I do, I didn’t mean to say it. Don’t be mad at me…yes?”

“You’re a horrible girlfriend!” he snaps and your mouth opens, but no sounds come out until you recollect yourself.

“I’m a horrible girlfriend?!” and you distance from his body, upset. “I do everything for you and that’s all you have to say?”

“Silence, you talk too much!! Vanish and quit bothering me!”

He hears you sniffle as you crawl on your side of the bed, punching your pillows in order to get more comfortable.

Wow, such an ungrateful person, you think to yourself, wondering about the choices you’ve made recently. You close your eyes and force your mind to shut down but it’s hard.

“Are you naked?!” the question suddenly comes from behind you.

“Maybe,” you mumble, not wanting to continue the conversation and cover your head with the sheets.

You hear him move around and you can sense he’s getting closer.

“Why are you naked? Auch!” J exclaims when his casted leg is caught in the comforter. You feel him trying to stretch to get to it so you take a deep breath, annoyed with both of you and surface from under the covers, untangling his trapped foot.

“There, honey,” you sassily accentuate the word, “ the horrible girlfriend did something right tonight.”

“Pfffttt,” The Joker puffs and gives you a wicked stare, “ you are horrible…and naked,” he is fast to add. “A very interesting combination; I’m pissed and aroused.”

You crack a smile.

“Wanna take a ride to Fun Town?” he smacks his lips and you nod a yes. “Good, Daddy will show you how to get there,” J boasts, full of confidence.

You don’t have a million things to do for the moment yet duty calls anyway.

Your boyfriend makes a mental note: give her more coupons.

**************

“Kitttyyyyy! Hey, Kittyyyy!!!!”

Oh my God!

“Yes, baby?”

“I want chicken soup!!!” he lets you know since you are in the kitchen cooking anyway.

(Internally screaming.)

“OK, I’ll make you some, hold on!”

After you fulfill the request, you hand him over the bowl with the steamy goodness. He tastes it and has to complain:

“It’s too salty!”

Goddammit, were you sent from hell to torment me?

But the sweetest smile lurks on your face:

“I’ll be back in a jiffy; I’ll fix it for you.”

You go on the hallway and wait there for about 5 minutes, then return with the same bowl.

“How is it?” you pretend to be nervous about his answer.

“It’s perfect,” J slurps on it, enjoying what he’s been craving. “ I also want to redeem one of my coupons afterwards.”

“What???!!! Why?!”

You sound so desperate.

“Don’t use that tone with me, woman!” the rant is about to begin so you have to avoid war.

“Fine! Fine! Which one?”

The Joker searches through his booklet and finds one:

“Erotic massage with scented oils for 45 minutes. And you must redeem one of your coupons in the same time.”

“Uhhhh…” you fakely cry because you are super busy again.

“Uhhhh?” he imitates you. “It’s a privilege and an honor to be able to enjoy such fine quality merchandise, Kitty! So enjoy your ride to Fun Town and stop complaining or you’re cut off!” the serious threat startles you. You actually like the merchandise and couldn’t bear being apart from such…excellent quality. One could say this is your favorite recreational activity also.

You have a million things to do but... duty calls.