#kind of bland horror movies are good for that. but i wont

[humanmorph]

At work yesterday I watched a trailer for an upcoming horror movie (elevator game) and was pretty unimpressed with the monster design. You'd think they'd come up with something else for 'scary ghost woman' after all this time but nah it's still long black hair, long limbs (in this case fingers?) and like, contortion. also, you know, facial disfigurement! of course! it literally doesn't matter how many times disability advocates or disabled people themselves talk about how horror uses certain kinds of bodies as a template for monster designs or 'body horror'. it suuuuucks

[lowkeiloki]

kung fu panda 4 review - spoiler free

it was solid, not as good as the first three movies, but the og triology set the bar so high even a 'not as good' movie is still a fun watch. The animation is beautiful and you get quite a bunch of awesome action scenes out of it

zhen is a lot more likable when not voiced by awkwafina (croatian dub saved me ✊️) but even that wont save her from her character being pretty bland. ironically the same criticism for her design could be applied for her character as well, not bad, likable enough, just fails to stand out and ive seen it done better a lot of times already

chameleon... oh boy... so much potential, such incredible built up, such luckluster execution... ill talk more abt her in spoiler section, but honestly she was the weakest link of the movie

dont get your hopes up for furious five, they only really exist as a cameo, what you will get is mr ping and li being a very married couple and personally if theres anything worth seeing the movie for its them (still im hoping for at least a short abt the furious five, cmon theyve been non existent since kfp 3)

the pacing was too fast, and there were too many comedic and too little serious moments, glad im not the only one that noticed

ive seen a lot of complaints about tai lung and other past villains not being in the movie enough, but honestly im happy for that bc its not their movie, they all had their own movies to shine and i really feared this movie would rely too much on them to carry the hype and im glad that wasnt the case. PLEASE stop asking film studios to spoonfeed you familiar content

end of spoiler free review, spoilers under cut

the chameleon rant

you know, i believe the kfp movies are heavily carried by their villains. they're the ones that set the tone, bring the stakes, and not only are they a foe for po to defeat but represent his internal conflict (tai lung being self acceptance, shen being overcoming grief and kai being self discovery) so to have the villain be the movie's weakest spot is... not great at all

firsty, the chameleon is the first movie villain in the franchise to not have any beef with any of the main characters (like tai lung had with shifu, lord shen with po and kai with oogway) and that couldve been great, give us a villain that doesnt care about po or anyone else and is just doing their own thing, its something new and an unexplored territory, but then they do nothing with it.

what does she want? to rule the valley of peace? all of china? ok and then what? the city shes already rulling doesnt look like its doing too bad to me. why should i care about her being defeated? yeah shes mean, but where are the STAKES

and how does she reflect po's conflict? because its about accepting change and she's a chameleon? weak, that only connect on paper and only barely. is it how she was never accepted to train kung fu because of her size? that's such a lame motive. really? not a single kung fu place wanted to take you in for your size? in a franchise full of all the different characters of all different shapes and sizes being kung fu masters? yeah ok sure

what i did like about her is how they made her get her way through manipulation and intimidation. she's not strong, she's not a skilled fighter, she's not inherently scary, but she uses smoke and mirrors to intimidate people around her and manipulative tactics to get her henchmen to listen which ties nicely into her shapeshifting abilities, just wish theyve done more with it, show us how she spreads horror stories about herself, show us the influence she has over the townspeople, show us just how manipulative she is of zhen, hell have her be all kind and nice to her in moments to bait her to stay under her wing (yk as abusive parents do)

nothing much more i have to say so spoiler part was rly just abt the chameleon but i needed to rant abt her more in depth bc i had high hopes for her

[alienaiver]

I offer you Kuroo, and possibly Atsumu?

Maybe also Sakusa?

Sorry for requesting so many at one time 😭

OMG dont apologize i love doing these!!!! <333333

kuroo's done here!

Atsumu and Sakusa headcanons!

Miya Atsumu

songs on the ipod: mona lisa - area 21, impossible - james arthur, smother - daughter. i feel like atsumu is an emotional lover who just. LOVES lovesongs. bcos i love angst, i also feel like atsumu relates deeply to smother :(

a place they sometimes end up falling asleep - where they're not supposed to: ur couch.. like you tell him it's time to go (for practice, dinner, meet up with friends) and it's like his brain shuts down as if u told him "nap! now!" no one knows when his brain started doing this but he can be tying his shoes and just. blink and then hes out. just 5 minutes before u leave

the game they'd destroy everyone else at: i think he's really good at that very specific mini-game in rayman - the kung foot one? for those who dont know: it's like a tiny soccer field where u play 1v1 and try to score the most !! i feel like he'd be really good at that solely bcos the first time he and osamu played it, osamu won and was SO annoying abt it that he perfected it lol

the emoticon they'd use most often: ▨-▨¬ლ(•_•) (▨_▨¬) or ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). for u, its the second. for the msby groupchat where they keep roasting him, its the first!!

what they act like when they haven't had enough sleep: he's grumpy and touchy. like he will cling to u like a koala while he complains abt how his brother didn't give him three onigiri's or how the convenience store worker didn't smile brightly enough - it's the little things that piss him off (like he doesnt even CARE for proper customer service half the time, he GETS it but when hes sleepy? UUUUGH that GRINDS HIS GEARS lmfao)

preferred hot beverage: he's not much for hot beverages! he enjoys a really cold ice tea with ice cubes etc.

comfort/self care when in a slump: talking about it! like he will either call up osamu, his mom or u and just. rant his heart out and will ONLY take comfort, NO ADVICE. when he's gotten it out of his chest, he usually feels better

what they wanted to be when they grew up: a rockstar!!! "ma, i wanna be a rockstar" he yells from the living room as nickelback plays on the tv fhsejnfsj

favorite kind of weather: rain! he knows it's not recommended to run in rainy weather since its slippery etc but NOTHING beats the feeling of going for a run and feeling the raindrops.

their singing voice: atsumu once had piano lessons and learned how to sing cleanly - he cant do it anymore by heart but he's still convinced he can, much to msby's horror

what they like to draw/doodle: volleyballs! like, he once tried to draw one and found out how hard it was like?? the circle?? wasnt a circle even tho he REALLY concentrated???!??!? so he sat his ass down and studied it for like HOURS until his ma busted him "yer supposed to do homework!" now his volleyballs are like, atleast circles (putting it nicely)

Sakusa Kiyoomi

(heads up i still feel a bit insecure abt my omi characterization <3 apologies in advance lmfao)

songs on the ipod: ok i feel like sakusa listen a lot to marina and the diamonds, but especially "i am not a robot", blue jeans - lana del rey and say my name - tove styrke (i do also see him listening to more deathmetal stuff lmfao)

a place they sometimes end up falling asleep - where they're not supposed to: listen... sakusa falls asleep during movies.. every time.. even movies HE suggested!! the betrayer!!! he always swears he wont and that he's not tired but like. ten minutes in and he's snoring next to u

the game they'd destroy everyone else at: poker. u can't convince me otherwise

the emoticon they'd use most often: ^^, <- that one. he's so bland when it comes to emoticons. you try and show him some more but he cant be bothered

what they act like when they haven't had enough sleep: SPICY AND SAVAGE. LIKE. HES SO ANNOYED AND RUDE. not in like, the classic asshole way but like, he's got the most savagery going on, constantly throwing out the wildest comebacks that just. burns whoever's in his vicinity. they get deeply personal too (he usually apologizes the day after, when he's back on his reg sleeping schedule lmao but ppl dont take it too hard, mostly theyre a bit entertained by how creative he becomes)

preferred hot beverage: black tea, likes it bitter!

comfort/self care when in a slump: showers. he likes them scalding hot and just. standing in there as he thinks stuff thru, figuring out solutions if needed. they always clear his head

what they wanted to be when they grew up: sakusa wanted to be a teapot maker. once, at his grandma's birthday, she got this like. amazing and beautiful teapot and he was so enarmored with it that she promised he could inherit it but that didnt matter for SHIT when he realized he could potentionally make them himself

favorite kind of weather: a good, warm springday. not too windy, but comfortable.

their singing voice: sakusa can't sing for shit and he's embarassed about it when msby drags him to karaoke

what they like to draw/doodle: shapes, any kind. like he makes those mandala patterns and they're so pretty? it's so annoying tho like he starts one during a meeting and even tho the meeting's over u can't drag his ass away before he's finished his little drawing lmfao

____

THANKS FOR ASKING !!! I HOPE I DID THEM JUSTICE <!!!!3333333 (also like. feel free to send more these are so fun???!!!)

[creepypocky]

Hello! I was wondering if I could please have a NSFW creepy pasta match up??

My Zodiac sings are Capricorn sun, Pisces rising and libra moon, my MBTI type is INTJ, I am straight and my pronouns are she/her

I am 5’7 and am quite slim but I do have a bit of hidden strength. I’m kinda insecure about my height so someone who can tower over me is my favourite thing haha

For My personality I am quite introverted but when you get to know me I come out of my shell more and tend to joke around a lot and become very adventurous. Being around people for long amounts of time becomes very tiring and I tend to get bored of people easily and need my alone time. It’s not something I’m proud of but I am very possessive over my friends and get jealous extremely easily. I also have a bit of a short fuse which is annoying because I’m also an angry crier 😭. Sometimes my emotions tend to take over and I act out and become impulsive. IN SAYING THAT, I am very caring and a huge people pleaser at times. I love comforting people and being there for them when they are in need.

I like horror movies and slashers like Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. I love summer but also heavy rain and thunderstorms make me feel so comforted. It’s my dream to join a circus one day and I am currently doing Lyra (aerial hoop) in hopes that one day I can be apart of a circus. I also do pole dancing. I love animals and the Victorian Era style idk the dresses and architecture is amazing

I definitely have a type I am VERY fussy when it comes to relationships, I’d definitely want someone who comes across and dark and mysterious but has a total soft spot for me. Loyalty is huge for me and I want to know I can trust that person with anything. I’d love to have someone who is possessive and protective over me and would do anything for me (vice versa) kinda like a ride or die relationship

For the nsfw stuff… I’m definitely a bottom BUT I think that I could take control once or twice. I have a huge size kink and love the feeling over being helpless and tiny. The feeling of being owned is definitely a turn on, I want someone to literally brand me pls. I’d love to be slapped and thrown around, like manhandled. PRAISE IS HOT TO ME IDK but at the same time a bit of degradation would be 10/10. I have a bit of a breeding link which I think comes in turn with the whole ownership thing.

Feet and butt stuff are an instant turn off like I’m very open minded but those are an absolute no.

Thank you so much!!!!!

Hello hello, hope you are doing well! Just woke up and I'm gonna start off my day by writing this fabulous matchup. :)

Also, I’m guessing you want romantic with it too because you put info for a romantic matchup as well, which is okay! I love writing romantics. <3

|| I match you with: Eyeless Jack! ||

A pretty obvious reason I matched you with this sexy demon boy is because of size difference, this guy is like 6′5-6′7 and much taller than you. But I promise there’s other good reasons as well, lmao.

He’s very introverted too, and when he opens up he is more adventurous than he jokes around because he’s a pretty serious guy but he’d joke around with you if he was in the mood to.

He understands getting tired of being around people and needing your alone time because he’s a massive introvert as well and being around people constantly becomes a chore for him. When you ever get exhausted because of people or want your alone time he’ll always respect that and leave you be.

When your anger and emotions get the best of you, he’s always there by your side to pull you away from the problem and help you get a levelled head, he helps you think rationally and calms you down. He makes sure that when you’re around people you don’t become too impulsive because he doesn’t want you to get in danger or be hurt.

Jack is a really quiet guy, and he keeps his true emotions in most of the time. He doesn’t feel like he can trust anyone but when you come into his life you slowly push past his walls and he opens up to you like he’s never done for anyone else. And you’re always there for him when he’s in need and he’s there for you.

He really likes slasher movies as well, he loves to let you just lay on him as y’all watch them because he just loves the feeling of your body against his it gives him euphoria tbh.

He’s more of a winter guy but he also loves rain and storms, if it ever storms at night he likes to bring you outside to just smell and feel how the air is during or after it comes pouring down.

He likes your talent for dancing a lot, sometimes he’ll ask you to dance for him either for the sake of it or for you to return a favor. ;)

If he’s ever out and in his human form with Slenders permission, he’ll buy you all kinds of those dresses if you wanted him to. He loves how you look and them and he especially loves the smile on your face when you wear them.

Jack is completely loyal to you, because let me tell you something, once you find your way into this mans heart he is completely smitten with you and there is no chance he would ever let you go or betray you in any way. He feels for you something he couldn’t ever feel for anyone else during your time together.

He’s extremely possessive too, he hates when the other creeps are around you too often and he gets annoyed by them much easier when you’re around because he doesn’t want them to do anything to you, he’s aware of how dangerous they are.

If you ever get jealous, he always makes sure to make it very clear he only ever has eyes for you, other women are honestly boring/bland to him. He would definitely do absolutely anything for you even if it went against Slendermans will, you just always get the best of him and he can’t help it.

NSFW:

This kinky demon motherfucker is most definitely a hard dom and will manhandle the fuck out of you, especially when he’s in his heats. He has a big size difference kink and he loves how small you look under him when he rams into you with his hand around your throat.

He doesn’t get horny often unless he’s in heat but when he is, he’s super rough with you. loves to hold your arms back and pull your hair.

If you ever manage to top him, he’s a big brat so either you wont last very long or you’ll have to really restrain him good.

He will definitely own you, he loves to leave all kinds of marks on you and make sure people can see some of them because he just hates people having their eyes on you. Will constantly remind you that you’re only his and that nobody else can have you.

He praises you so much but if you’ve been a brat to him he will most definitely degrade you and slap you around, and choke you until you’re about to faint from it.

He has a really hard breeding kink too, he loves to spill his load into you and just slowly keep thrusting in and let you feel all of his warm cum in you.

~

There you go! Hopefully this is what you wanted! ^^ I hope you’re having a great day/night. Take care of yourself. I enjoyed writing this very much.

<3

[goatyellsateverything]

Final Thoughts: Malicious

It was decent. Slow to get going and the male main was pretty bland acting wise at first, and kind of a dick at some points, but he gets better about halfway through and the rest of the cast kinda picks up the slack for the most part at the beginning.

Professor Clark doesn’t die so thats a plus. And being blind isn’t just a token thing, though its not totally used in the way most people would think.

My biggest complaint, though, isn’t really the movies fault, per say. I wish fewer movies with pregnant women would stop using the “i cant have babies anymore! what am I going to do with my life?!” trope. This is gonna sound SJWy but it makes me feel like the writers of these movies think most women’s concept of being revolves around having a biological child.

Its less annoying when there is actually a POINT to this, like if the mother miscarries and they get told they wont ever get pregnant again only to get pregnant with a demon baby or somethin. It still relies too heavily on the “this is my biological baby. I know that it intends to butcher every person I’ve ever loved but I suddenly dont care about those people because if this baby dies I’ll never have one of my own” but at least thats SOMETHING.

Malicious started to go down that path, and it WANTED to go down that path, but it didn’t. The baby was never a real being. The mother never gave birth to her. It was, essentially, a ghost. That connection was never there, especially when she KNEW this entity killed the baby that she’d carried for so long. It doesn’t make sense that she’d have any sort of connection with it and they never really said it was a power the ghost had over the mother.

Hell, the baby didn’t even look like it was her daughter. It took on random forms from things around the house. The “baby” was a generic baby, no real defining features. The “little girl” was modeled after a random doll that kinda looked like Annabell which I thought maybe they’d go that route cuse they put a lot of emphasis on it, but then its just gone in the next scene. The “teen” just looked like a younger version of her sister and the “woman” looked exactly like her sister. Then the “old woman” was just your generic horror movie creepy old lady with bad teeth. There wasn’t anything that directly tied the ghost baby to its “mother” to justify her connecting to it like that.

So ya. It was decent.

The movies biggest flaw was something horror movies about young pregnant couples all seem to have so I dont fault it TOO much when it was just going with the flow of established tropes. Though they did misuse the trope a bit in a non productive way.

I’d give it a solid 6/10. Effects were good. Atmosphere was good. Acting was decent. Blind Black Dude was the best part. Its worth it just for him. c: