#kinda giving sloth from the goonies

[perfectday1972]

via shuturp

[shittyrpmusing]

VIGILANTE (PEACEMAKER) - SENTENCE STARTERS

Mentions of NSFW topics and violence. Alter as needed!

“If someone doesn’t have their pinky toe they’ll fall over! It’s the most important toe on the human body!”

“I’m just looking from behind a trash can, it’s a normal thing to do!”

“Fuck this, no way! It’s over, you won! Fair fight! I gotta go!”

“If I keep changing my facial expressions, they won’t be able to recognize me in a lineup!”

“Fine, I don’t care! I’ll get on the ground all day long!”

“FUUUCK! It hurts to walk on!”

“Which one of you dumb sister-fucking, tiki torch carrying, Sloth from the Goonies pieces of shit wants to go next?”

“Do you have cable? I don’t wanna stay here overnight if there’s no cable. Fargo’s on tonight.” 

“I’m just the guy who’s gonna fuck you so hard your asshole’s gonna be dragging behind you like a tail.” 

“Oh! Okay, then I change my answer to just ignoring the question.” 

“Well how else am I gonna experience motherhood?” 

“Oh, okay, now we definitely have to kill them ‘cause you’re giving stuff away about my secret identity!” 

“Don’t fuck with my BFF!”

“We can’t use duct tape, that’ll hurt their skin when they try to pull it off.” 

“I’m fine, seriously. All I need is a good nap.” 

“Look man, I’m begging you, will you please, PLEASE look at my crotch?”

“We only kill bad people! Usually. Unless there’s a mistake.”

“Listen, I’ve been meaning to thank you for allowing me to be tortured last night.” 

“You have to admit, it was kinda sweet how he wanted that monkey and that man to be friends.” 

“Shouldn’t you kill him, then?”

“My dad never made me anything. He was too busy pretending to be gay to get away from me.” 

“It’s our day off, I thought we’d get wasted!”

“I’m getting this weird feeling that you’re angry.” 

“Dude, a butterfly is a type of bird.” 

“You’re a little intense right now. Like, I don’t wanna be uncool but your face looks really weird when it goes into all those various angry positions.” 

“There’s no wrong time to rock, motherfucker!”

“Dude, this is a really weird time to do your face exercises.” 

“Try introspection on THAT, motherfucker! ... I’m sorry.”

“I WAS about to go, and then you had to say THAT! Now if I acquiesce, I’ll look and feel small!”

“If you’re gonna be sarcastic, you should really warn people so there’s no confusion.” 

“Your blades are dull as fuck, man! Why don’t you maintain your torture shit?!”

“Just because they’re aliens doesn’t mean they’re gross. BIGOTRY!”

“I’m not sure I’m ever gonna walk again.” 

“You’ll fall over all the time and look stupid and everyone will laugh at you.” 

“I thought that man and that chimp were friends. I was thinking they were gonna go on an adventure together.” 

“Aw, fuck! I’m never ever gonna kill someone with a fucking chainsaw!”

“I would read anything you wrote, dude. I bet you could do some bomb poetry.” 

“Yeah? Well, welcome to the fucking club!”

“There’s your answer! AHAHAHA!”

“Are you here to put babies in us like in Alien?”

“I think they jumped over those bullets.” 

“Look, at worst, he’s paralyzed.” 

“I’m gonna make a collage of the three of us fuckin’ some chicks with a bunch of dolphins around us doing beer bongs in a Corvet.” 

“We used to go out, kill bad guys, boom boom boom, no problem. We accidentally kill the wrong person? Oh shoot, that stinks-- then we move on!”