#kinda interesting but at the same time not really surprising how it's always cis dudes that apparently equate clothing with interest

[angstics]

it's always been interesting to me that the only thing seemingly "separating" the transgender truthing from the homosexual truthing, in terms of legitimate proof that someone who only knows gerard way through interviews and stage performance could provide, is the history of open gnc-ness. which doesn't really correlate to any kind of transgender identity but obviously i know why people choose to interpret it that way. (even then, the offstage dude kissing could and usually does fill an identical role in other peoples interpretation of gerard as being secretly gay so. shrug). but this time TRUST ME his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group is ACTUALLY him being secretly trans. i try not to engage with any mass discourse events and find the she/her pronoun usage distasteful and just personally uncomfortable, so i dont directly encounter many people who even orbit this kind of discussion lol. im curious what you think about this comparison! and i apologize if anything was worded unclearly :)

this is a big can o worms! i like hearing your thoughts. there’s sooo many different readings on his identity and how the outfits factor into that.

it’s invasive but it’s not the same ethics as theorizing about a friend. understanding an artist is important to people. it’s part of being an artist which is normal but heavily contested. im always reminded of siken’s response to the student who wanted to learn more about his life to understand his poetry lol (he wasnt nice). why would it matter? authenticity, connection, need to label? there’s no universal or moral answer

anyhow back to gerard. the shift from homosexual to transgender truthing is funny! people didnt give up, they just concluded he’s unlabelled gay 😭 not from the on/off stage kissing (which were all performative) but from the tweetsss. “when people try to define your sexuality [morrissey picture]” and “why would i hide it if i was a Homosexual”. the affair conspiracies and gay music themes and general stereotypes probably aided that. whether the assumption is true or false makes no difference. the reasons behind why ppl even make the assumption are so intriguing to think about… but this is already too long.

the “trans truthing” is complicated bc it’s more personal to ppl. im not gonna create a boogeyman. ive seen all of this, some i align with some i dont. putting them in a list cuz it’s easier to read

ppl in my corner of the fandom are comfortable with calling him queer, nb, trans — from most to least common. all as umbrella terms. all to mean not-cis. justification is good ol FLAGGING. like getting an undercut to tell girls yr a dyke without needing to come out. i can expand on this thought process if wanted. ive seen this kinda labeling for YEARS

a lot of ppl i follow stop at gnc because that is the only visibly obvious option. and it’s the term The Advocate used for him in 2018 (tho we gotta note that he didnt self-id — the writer used the same principal of gnc being about presentation over id). the term is treated as if it were between cis and trans. or more accurately, not-cis not-trans.

ive noticed that old/ex fans or outsiders under my 30k cheerleader gifset see the dress as a coming out…? people of 1 and 2 chalk it under that history of gender nonconformity. it’s surprising but makes sense. i think that’s the function of said history

all the egg talk ive seen is on twitter among transfem ppl and tumblr posts in the wild. i searched “gerard way trans” and got so many tweets referencing kurt cobain. that is transfem business, not mine 😭

all this to say that i havent seen anyone in these circles insinuate he was Secretly trans. it’s the same as the gay assumption. it isnt about proving what reality is. just whatever individuals accept as their truth. lots of 1 ppl have said that if he suddenly came out as cis, their perception wouldnt change. i take that to mean bc the performance itself is the person and the performance they see is transgender.

i dont see how art and artist can be separated in performance. what other version of the artist are you getting? i dont know if anyone round here is talking about the couch sitting gerard way. like why would we 😭 even if one does, it’s under the perception of the performance we know. if we werent talking about the performance, we wouldnt even be talking about it. you wouldnt imagine your loved one watching tv. youd sit next to them. look at them. talk to them. YOU KNOW? like this whole debate on whether it’s invasive goes NOWHERE. we arent talking about someone who could be known. we are barely talking about the real person.

and he knows this because anyone with a Name becomes this. the real life person doesnt need defending. he needs respect. to me that means not harassing him, not digging into his private life, not speaking for him. the rest is what feels ok for me. if the environment is uncomfortable, all i can do is share why. which is why talking about it is important.

ill say, im fine with she/her-ing him. i know those arent his defined pronouns. i know i use them as a term of endearment and character-dedication. i know when to avoid them. i personally dont believe in rigid pronoun use. i don’t believe in there being a handbook of rules of what is or isnt rude (not to say there arent general rules). you learn person to person.

goes back to the Pursuit of Universal Morality. god i remember last year getting so mad at the trans labelling id leave tumblr to complain on twitter. but ive changed my tune to seeing the non-cis ambiguity. not because of Evidence but because i found comfort in that connection. i wasnt wrong then, am not wrong now.

it isnt really about him, it’s about what he says and does. which IMO he’s likely to accept as an artist.

so yeah. TLDR: posts that are like “how can you say he’s [cis/trans] if X?!” are really just stating their own perception. even if they uncritically believe what theyre saying is reality, it’s THEIR reality. there is no difference btwn “his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group” and “him being secretly trans”.

[theyarebothgunshot]

I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it. 

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video. 

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it. 

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent. 

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s]. 

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it. 

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha. 

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao. 

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier. 

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting. 

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship. 

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him. 

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao. 

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc. 

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej. 

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you? 

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving. 

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel. 

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him. 

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still. 

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay. 

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up. 

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’. 

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay. 

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable. 

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk. 

[mikemoon]

( choi yeonjun, cis man ) have you seen MICHAEL “MIKE” MOON ? i heard HE is a COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR at SAN VERTO COLLEGE and an EMPLOYEE at HALL OF FILM. they’re 22 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for 6 YEARS. they tend to be CARE-FREE & ADVENTUROUS, but rumor has it they can also be GRUMPY & CLUMSY. [ tally, 25, gmt+4, she/her ] @foolsstarters​

tw // mentions of depression, cheating, divorce, underage drinking and smoking

michael moon, born myungjun moon –– choi yeonjun fc

birthday: september 9, 1998 - 22 yrs old ; virgo

cis man, he/him, bisexual

born and raised in philadelphia, pennsylvania

mike grew up being an only child, and always around the company of his mother in their house. his father was always traveling back and forth from south korea to the states for work. his parents have met at work on one of his father’s trips to the states, and they fell in love. his mother being american-born, she couldn’t really leave philadelphia. she loved it there. so they decided to keep it a long distance relationship.

sometime during those fleeting meetings, she had gotten pregnant with michael. and of course, his father spoiled them both, giving them everything they wanted. he never left them to fend for themselves. when the boy was born, his father named him myungjun, and his mother decided to name him michael for his english name. the nicknames jun, mike, and sometimes junnie were often heard whenever his parents or childhood friends called him.

up until mike was five years old in 2004, he’s lived with his mother, while his father was leaving and coming back for a week or two. but that year, he’s finally moved to the states and stayed with them for longer nights. he even finally married michael’s mother. of course, he still disappeared for a few days or weeks on end for work.

but that was also the year michael’s mother found out that her husband was with another woman. michael has never seen his mother break down like that before. sadly, the young boy was peering into the room when the fight happened and witnessed everything. his mother made her partner choose between the two women, and he eventually told her that he was going to divorce his first wife for her, and appeared to have gone through with his promise. because after that incident, he’s been around more often.

by early 2015, when michael had just turned 16, his mother had gotten a teaching job in ashdown academy, which resulted in their move to san verto, california. meaning, new school and new friends for mike. meanwhile, his dad was still traveling a lot for business and coming back whenever he could.

michael has grown up as a cheerful and energetic child. his friends at any school he went to would tell you how much of a great friend he is, how trustworthy and caring he is. it was so easy for him to make friends anywhere. he was the type of friend who would smile at you and listen to you talk on and on about whatever you liked, and the type who would cheer you on with anything you want to achieve. he wanted everyone to feel included and loved.

so it wasn’t that hard for him to get along with new people once he moved to town. he was a very social person. 

he was also the type of teenager who was out there doing things he wasn’t supposed to. he missed his old friends and his old home, but he wanted to have fun with all the new kids he was befriending. that simply resulted in him going to house parties as an underaged teen to ‘have fun’. his mother didn’t approve of him coming home very late at night, clearly smelling like smoke and alcohol. 

internally he was a depressed mess. of course, no one is completely happy as they grow up. his family was a mess, even if it appeared as fine to everyone else. his family life affected him so much while growing up. mike sometimes could disappear for a few days in his room, and it was always during some of his bad spells.

what made it worse was the day he found out the truth.

it was 2017 when michael walked into his father’s office in their house, looking for him to ask him about something. and instead of finding the man, he found a stack of papers poking from underneath his father’s laptop. upon closer look, they appeared to be divorce papers. michael’s heart sunk, thinking his parents were breaking it off.

michael is a curious kid, he couldn’t help but close the door and read the papers. but what he saw wasn’t his mother’s name, it was another woman. his heart raced, as he put things back where they were and immediately left the room. michael had found out one of his father’s many secrets. he never divorced his first wife all those years ago. he lied and somehow stayed with both women without suspicion... well, until now. clearly the other woman was breaking it off for a reason. 

michael couldn’t help his curiosity. he came back to the room later that night and snapped as many pictures as he could of evidence he could find. he even found his father’s phone (which was easy to figure out the password of) and found a plethora of pictures of the man with a different family, different kids and a different partner. he airdropped the pictures to himself to avoid leaving any traces behind and quickly left again.

a quick search on facebook, and he managed to find the first wife. it was easy with the name and pictures he had. if anything, michael prided himself on being a good internet detective... or stalker. he spent everyday trying to find the rest of the family on the internet. he found the woman’s young daughter on instagram and twitter, along with her older son’s accounts as well. it felt weird. it was a constant “now what?” for michael. he’s found them. what was he going to do now? he couldn’t just message them and tell them everything. and he couldn’t break his mother’s heart by letting her know.

except he had to let her know. he could never live with the fact that he knew his father was betraying her this entire time. and so michael told her everything, and after comforting her all night when she broke down yet again, she immediately ended things and asked for a divorce. now it was just michael and his mother, all alone. and for once, having to get by on their own.

thankfully they were safe, with his mother’s amazing money management skills, and the job she got at the academy, they managed to live their regular lives despite the heavy feeling of a broken family looming around them. the two just wanted to be happy again.

michael spent the next few years trying to lead a normal life. his mental health had gotten worse after everything he’s found out. he went to college, and he continued trying to do well in school. he really wasn’t the best when it came to grades, but he was trying his best.

and truthfully, he couldn’t help but make a few spare accounts on some social medias to follow his father’s other family.

but he eventually decided to just let it go, assuming they definitely knew about his mother and himself, which would explain the first divorce. so he decided to put it in the past and move on.

his mother has moved on as well. she found herself someone who actually cares about her so much (mike’s stupid ass has done a secret background check to make sure this dude wasn’t another cheater lmaoo) and now mike isn’t an only child anymore. it’s been 2 years since his little sister yuna was born, and he loves her so much. he still isn’t used to the idea of a new fatherly figure in his life, but he’s.... getting there. 

little dumb hcs

mike majors in computer science at san verto college, with a concentration in game development and design

hes a lil gamer boy,,, u KNOW he’s that annoying dude with a gamer chair that has a sound system in it khjkh

he posted a few videos on youtube but rly just ditched the channel after like a month. he still posts whenever he feels like it tho and it’s usually just.... messy gaming videos or opinions no one asked for

his dad’s dumb ass still doesn’t know it was mike who exposed him to his mother. he thinks she found the divorce papers on her own. therefore.... mike still gets money from his dad on a monthly basis and gets to keep the car he bought him for his 18th birthday lmaooooo a win 

you probably heard me say this before but.... theres a hc that mike is allergic to eggs. simply bc the idea of him shopping in the vegan section is funny to me 

this boy has a love for frogs ? idk where the obsession came from but you bet you’re gonna see a cute lil frog sticker on everything he owns. he doodles them on everything too ? it’s a habit at this point. he also knows random little facts about them and tells them to anyone who didnt ask for them 

. embarrassing but.. this dude... omg.... a big sana stan.... he has a photocard collection.... he went to a twice concert like 5 times.... dont be surprised if you see a feel special sana photocard in his phonecase.... im embarrassed of him 

he also has a hyunjin mcdonalds hashbrown photocard framed that a friend gave to him for christmas bc.. it’s a rare card,,, and you can see it on a table by the door when you walk into his apartment 😭

mike also has a habit of buying things he doesn’t need ?? he has a plushie collection that has been growing since he was young, and now is getting bigger with the rise of squishmallows

there’s this random hc where he drunk bought a cardboard cutout of john cena ,,,, don’t ask,,, it’s currently guarding his room back at his mom’s house djfhdj

can you tell mike is my most embarrassing , most chaotic character,, 

also he moved out after graduating school and when he started to attend college,,,, gimme some roomies pls

connection ideas ??

michael’s childhood friends; could’ve gone to the same school back in philly before he moved away ?? 

friends he made when he moved to town?? mike is very social and was... kinda popular in school, i’d say. he made friends with basically anyone he found interesting

michael’s ex; they could’ve ended on a bad note, or even on a good one and ended up being friends. im really up for plotting anything.

michael’s best friend; PLEASE i love wholesome best friend plots. it doesn’t matter if they met in san verto or philly

roomies pls !!! i would love it if he could have some roommates who have to deal with his very . peculiar decorating habits 

co workers ?? customers ? regulars ? he works at hall of film ! 

like this to plot or hmu !

[cath-with-a-c]

This is the comment I woke up to on Friday morning. The amount of bigotry hiding behind the almost polite and seemingly thoughtful wording is astonishing. 

I’ve responded to it already, informing the individual behind it that I won’t be discussing the points of the comment with them, as they’ve resorted to personally attacking me, which is...dumb. I mean, attack my work all you like, it either helps me grow as an author by learning from my mistakes or as a person by growing a spine and defending my work. But coming after someone who has no connection to this and can’t defend themselves because they are no longer with us? Low and disgusting. (Also wow, they’ve taken the time to find the only truly personal post I have on tumblr, and it’s more than a month old, what a commitment to come off as pathetic, really)

Anyway, while talking to that particular individual is out of question, I still kinda wanna address the certain things in the comment because wow, my first queerphobic comment and an excuse to talk more about “Nothing and Everything”, my boys and myself? How can I pass that?

(this is like... a long-ass one... prepare yourselves)

(I’m gonna refer to the commentator as “Fox” and, probably, “them” because well, I don’t know what their preferred pronounce are)

NB! I’m using the term “queer” as an umbrella term to mean everyone who isn’t strictly straight and/or cis-gender.

Let’s start from the top

1.

The best part about slashfic writers is that when they write about child abuse, child sex abuse, and drug and alcohol abuse while including gay characters, is that they’re really writing about the lives of gay men without realizing it. To you, gay men being abused and that being the arbiter of their homosexual identity is too homophobic to fathom. But you still confirm it in subtle ways, and that always brings a smile to my face. 

Now, English isn’t my first language, so I might be missing something, but If Fox meant being the arbiter of as in defining, being the reason for, than no, it’s not homophobic. It’s just dumb. One, there isn’t a single relevant scientifically accurate study on the abuse causing someone to “turn gay”. Two - there might be a correlation (and it’s not necessary there, I’m just guessing), but the cause and effect will be the other way around, queer kids get abused more because they are queer, not become queer as the result of the abuse. And, most importantly, three - in terms of sexual orientation, you can’t turn someone queer, as well as you can’t turn someone straight. It’s something you are born with and discover as you go along. 

And also the other two queer characters, Rob and Penny, weren’t abused by their parents and/or other family members, but we will touch on that later. 

2.

“The Brotherhood had no problem with homosexuality” - Of course not, and neither do the Templars. It’s the Current Year. You can marry/have sex with whomever you want, whatever you want, whenever you want.

Ignoring the fact that this was taken out of context, and the whole phrase has a slightly different meaning, there are two things that are factually wrong with this statement. First - even in the Current Year, there is a ton of places where being openly queer is dangerous, from the countries that have “anti-gay” laws (ranging from “you can be gay, but stay quiet or go to jail” to “die a horrible death for being gay”), to certain, let’s say, traditionally oriented places in the US. Second - this is not Current Year. The bulk of the story takes place between 1998 and 2003, this phrase is taken from the chapter taking place in 2003, 16 years prior, things were, let’s say, slightly different.

Also, I don’t understand why Fox tried to make this sound sarcastic, we are talking about two societies, with one canonically being for freedom and choice and the other one relying on public favor to propel their agenda, of course, none of them will have qualms with the GRSM community, 

3.

“Honorary gay parents of a gay kid” - Well no wonder the kid is gay. Look at the environment xe/xim/xer grew up in.

I like how Fox uses the non-binary pronounces referring to Penny, when the only thing that has been said about her/them is “I’m into girls.” Also out of 16 kids on the Farm, only 3 are confirmed to be queer. They’ve all grown up in the same environment, so that statement is... meaningless. And in case Fox was referring to Rob and Des turning Penny “gay” well, they’ve also been close with Sam and he’s - what a shock - straight! So again - meaningless.

I’m gonna skip Fox shitting on my friend’s art, again - such remarks are low, pathetic and not worth discussing, let’s get to the juicy stuff. 

4.

It’s amusing, no, to have a pansexual – an individual who is attracted to ‘all genders’ - writing about gay men so much? How many genders are there? Thousands? 51? All on the spectrum? Regardless, tumblrinas are as big on their sexual identities as they are on their activism. In this case, we have a person – presumably female – getting wet over two dudes banging. I’m simply wondering if they packed enough lube and had their enemas. Maybe it was hidden in their stash?

Well, as a matter of fact - they didn’t have lube in their stashes because the only way to get it was to essentially ask one of the adults going to the city to get it for them, can you imagine a 16yo asking something like that? Death from mortification would be the most likely outcome.

Seriously though, I write what I like about whom I like. The only thing it has to do with me being pansexual is that I have more confidence in writing non-straight characters and relationships because I know it’s fine, and my queerphobic background can’t silence me anymore. Also - Desmond isn’t gay, he is bisexual. Rob is gay, true. 

The amount of genders is still up for debate, in my personal opinion it’s all on the spectrum, and the only reason gender issues don’t come out in fiction as much as sexual orientations do is that gender in a lot of cases is a more personal thing than orientation, that’ll inevitably reflect on the inter-character dynamics. A lot of genderqueer people are fine with using male or female pronounces, which to an outsider would put them in respective categories. There are, of course, androgynous people, trans people, non-binary people and others for whom gender and the perception of their gender are important in day to day life - and there are more and more stories featuring them.

Also, on the note of pansexuality - it’s not “attraction to all genders,” it’s having an attraction to the person regardless of their sex or gender, those labels play an insignificant part in me deciding to pursue a relationship. (Also also there might be like a ton of things to discuss in regards to how sexuality relates to gender identities, but not here, not now)

And yes, I’m afab, so yeah, “female” and I do “get wet over the two dudes banging”. Fox got me. Now what? Shame Fox seemingly can’t conceptualize that I “get wet” because I wrote those boys in a story that contains a hard emotional journey full of heartbreak, and I do revel in the short happy moments they’ve got together. The sexual/sensual part is hot because it’s those particular two guys, not just random two guys. 

Oh, and the last thing here - I don’t know if it’s news for Fox, but not all people in a homosexual relationship engage in anal sex. Especially teens in their first relationship. Just saying.

Let’s skip another personal attack part, here we go, sorry that the phrase is broken up

5.

she educated a pansexual SJW into confirming every negative and dirty secret in the gay community: a brutal, abusive father, societal ‘homophobia’, drug and alcohol abuse, and feeling inadequate compared to heterosexual people.

Tbh, this is the part of the comment that had me confused for a moment, as I mistook Fox for one of the “hardcore gay” people, that think that with letters added to LGBT and by putting everything on the spectrum we somehow affect negatively the “real” gay community. The next paragraph cleared this shit for me tho.

Right off the bat - SJW isn’t a dirty word, Fox shouldn’t try to sell it as one. And I won’t label myself as a SJW, because as of now, I lack the commitment to the cause. 

For the next part, I’d really, really like to quote a line from one of my fav vines “Bitch, where?” but for the sake of politeness, I’ll go with “Citation needed,” because from all of the things mentioned, the only one that is really prominent in the text is the “brutal, abusive father”. Societal homophobia isn’t exactly in the text (pay attention, teen Rob is cautious about adults being homophobic, it’s a valid fear a lot of queer teens have prior to coming out, but the general atmosphere isn’t homophobic. If I wanted it to be, adding a scene of public shame/shunning for someone caught in the act wouldn’t be hard), no drug and\or alcohol abuse (1 scene of teens trying drinks for the first time doesn’t count - surprise, teenagers try drinking), and feeling inadequate is mentioned once as a fear of a nine-year-old Penny, who has no frame of reference other than heterosexual behavior of the others, and is corrected almost immediately by Rob.

6.

Was this about Assassin’s Creed? No, not really. Despite you being a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE fan, you don’t really respect these characters. Miles is a douchebag, it’s true, but he’s respected even by Otso Berg. That should tell you something. 

(I’d like to see an example of Fox-approved, really-about-Assassin’s-Creed fanfiction, for a future reference, but alas, they’ve commented from as guest)

Interesting how me not liking or respecting Bill, canonically abusive douchebag known for alienating people because of how cold and manipulative he is, translates into me automatically not respecting every other character in the series. 

Also, I don’t see how Otso Berg respecting William as an opponent should sway my judgment. I’ve mentioned here on my blog that I like Garnier de Naplouse as a villain - how self-assured he is, and how much quiet intelligence he has. Do I like him in general as a person? No. Do I respect him? No. He tortured people. I relished in seeing Altair murder him. 

With Bill, him being a douchebag and abuser is a deciding fact for me, I do not respect abusers, no matter how great they may be. But tbh, on the leadership front, I can’t quite decide if Bill is a fine leader given the circumstances, or if the number of instances of him being canonically shitty as a leader is big enough to call for his removal. 

7.

You crafted him into a predictable homophobic dad, albeit he isn’t Christian. I was waiting for the Bible to be thrown at Desmond.

Again - citation needed. One instance in the text of Bill being homophobic. Not abusive, not overly-demanding, but homophobic. 

(Spoiler alert - there isn’t one.)

As for the Christian associations - well, it’s in the tags. Literally. In this story, the Brotherhood is a cult, like the JWs, or the LDS church, but with Creed instead of a holy book. And I guess I succeeded in conveying the feeling.

8.

In another Tumblr post, you wrote about how William is very abusive to Desmond, and how that is inexcusable. You bring up Nikolai and putting his child out in the cold as punishment, and earlier, cited Philosophy Tube in regards to solitary confinement (which really shows a lot). How do you explore this concept?

I wonder what me citing Philosophy Tube shows, except for maybe that I find Olly to be a very pleasant narrator and that the themes he touches on are rather interesting (Olly is precious, protect Olly).

I think I was rather unsubtle with showing what exactly abuse, inflicted by Bill, did to Desmond. And not, not “turn him gay”, about that in a moment. I don’t delve like deep into what was happening in Desmond’s head because this story is from Rob’s perspective. Not Desmond’s.

This story isn’t about the relationship between Bill and Desmond. It’s about Desmond not living in a vacuum all those years on the Farm.

Write William being SO abusive he turns his son gay. You make him so homophobic Desmond reacts by engaging in self-destructive behaviour and, in turn, becoming your average gay man. Your OC, Richard, Robert is merely the bridge.

“Bitch where?!“ (c) 

1. Desmond isn’t gay. He is bi (because I’m keeping it as close to the canon as I can and I love Elijah to death). It’s in the tags, and it’s in the tags rather than stated because Desmond’s sexual orientation isn’t the point of this story, 2. Bill isn’t homophobic, at least not openly. There’s a different issue within the Brotherhood, the fact that they expect everyone born into the Brotherhood to have kids of their own. This is the source of Rob’s unease and perceiving adults as not reacting positively him or any other kid in a queer relationship.  3. If I wanted Bill to come off as homophobic, I’d portray him like that. Using slurs, for example.  4. Bill abuses Desmond not because he thinks his son is gay - he thinks his son is weak. In general. Not related to orientation. Like in the fucking canon. I’m merely turning the abuse factor up to eleven. 5. No one abused Rob, his father is shown in the text to be one of the best parents on the Farm - and Rob is gay. No one abused Penny, her family is mentioned briefly, but I specifically did it in a way that shows that they are nice - and she is a lesbian. Another boy, Colin, got abused by his strict mother - and he is straight. Desmond got abused by his father - and he is bi. There is no correlation between abuse and being queer.  6. Desmond's self-destructive behavior came from him being abused on a daily basis for most of his life and having no way out. Again, if it was linked to his orientation Rob would do that stuff too. He doesn’t.

9.

You make these characters gay because, as a ‘queer pansexual person’ you can. But you don’t really make them human. In fact, every single negative stereotype you want to protect yourselves from our oh-so-bigoted society are confirming them, while simultaneously denying that they exist.

In short, everything and everyone acted the way I expected to, and was written the way I expected a queer pansexual to write them: meaningless, with only the sexual identity taking place. Funny how that’s the only identity politics that’s allowed. Everything else is oh so bigoted.

I’m not denying the existence of the stereotype, I’m just not acknowledging it as valid, because it’s not. It’s like blaming violence on video games - you’d be hard-pressed to find a youngster who doesn’t play a semi-violent game of some kind, with blood and murder, but every time someone brings up that another shooter was playing those games, they forget to mention how many youngsters play and don’t commit murder as a result.

The same way Fox keeps bringing up the “abuse turned Desmond gay” without acknowledging that there’s a ton of straight teens that get abused worse than Desmond in this story, or the two queer kids right in the text who weren’t abused.

It’s also funny that Fox is adamantly holding to the “sexual identity” thing, despite the fact that it came up only in 5th chapter (with 4 chapters before that having nothing to do with sexual orientation) and it’s not even an identity/orientation thing. It’s the “relationship between Rob and Desmond” thing and “Desmond is clinging to as much happiness as he can because he has none” thing. The only time orientation comes up in term of identity it’s when Rob talks to Penny and thinks of himself as a closeted gay man, but it immediately switches back into the “relationship between two people” again. 

10.

You call yourself an AC fan? 

Yes. Yes, I do. Ain’t nothing some bigot on the internet can do about it ;)

(If you read this through to the end, I applaud you, thank you for your time <3)

[noddytheornithopod]

MML New Episode Commentary Dump

There’s a lot of them soooooo

Lady Krillers:

“You recast all the men as women? You got a greenlight.” Ugh, it’s gonna be one of THOSE episodes.

Melissa is the voice of reason of course

“I had the most horrible dream... they were making a Krillhunter movie without Tobias.” Narrowly dodged a bullet there. And it continues through the episode. Too close, guys.

Tobias is wealthy, your gag just ruined any investment I had in this. :V

“Milo’s friend girl” bleh

Melissa is joining in, so much for voice of reason.

Okay, the alien fight in the background was funny.

“Lindana” we get it, Phineas and Ferb was a thing.

That song montage... it was uncomfortable. I’m cis so I’m an oblivious weirdo, but I do think there’s a couple of things that are kinda transmisogynist in here, with stuff like the shaving and the “lol ‘she’s’ strong ‘she’ put a guy down”. Not to mention it feels so sexist in that he has to be a woman in the most conventionally feminine way possible, bah.

Tobias puts on a shitty “guy as woman” voice, of course he does.

Okay this Cavendish and Dakota subplot is so forgettable I was literally zoning out. MML, what happened?

Tobias Trollhammer is embodying male entitlement, seriously.

The whole “she’s just like a female Tobias” thing is dumb too, it feels like it casts people out to want the exact same thing but women. These reboots are always new takes, or even outright new characters. And like... that’s the issue. Tobias isn’t irrelevant, he still has a fuckton of Krillhunter movies. I’m not interested in some whiny old dude with a million dollars. :V

He’s cast as the villain, ha ha ha.

“We do what we want with no regard to plot or character or making sense to the people watching.” MML, are you lowkey admitting something? ;P

The bison thing at the end is so lame. Seriously.

Okay... Tobias is actually satisfied with being the villain, and Milo is only concerned about the sudden character change. For a rather stupid episode, this is a surprising compromise. I’m not quite sure how to feel about it, TBH? It’s better than what I expected, but I’m not sure I’m satisfied.

Still though, this episode is dumb. The end.

The Goulash Legacy:

Goulash dude is meh.

“Humans and machines had a friendly relationship.” oh, so there IS some robot uprising at some point.

That kid finding the idea ridiculous seems to be the audience surrogate. :V

“Let’s go outside and see what Dr D is up to”. THIS IS TOTALLY NOT PNF GUYS

Doof sung the Moon ice-cream song... we get it, Phineas and Fe- oh wait Doof is here in general.

Norm is back... huh. He seems irrelevant though, just another invention.

Okay, chicken-replace-inator is eh, but Doof being insistent on how it works is kinda funny.

“Did that man just kiss his chicken?” What’s wrong with showing affections to pets, Miss Chase? :V

Zack is going in to get an inator even though they always fuck up... is Jackie supposed to be here again? Seriously, this feels so OOC. No reason for it, and he’s meant to be the most cautious.

Norm seems like he’s just a gag for now. Meh.

Diogee has four feet, why do his forelimbs have human feet now instead of usual dog feet, or even dog hind feet????

Zack is really carrying the idiot ball in this episode. You deserve better, man.

Diogee has hands... okay, that actually made me laugh.

Recurring raccon isn’t dead. SIGH.

So the Goulash robot comes to life. Okay.

“Paprika!” That’s going into outright so bad it’s good territory.

Love Handel. Seriously.

And the fucking robot gets stuck in a time capsule and also comes to life and is the statue at the start. Okay then.

Yet another “meh” episode. I kinda feel like the show is trying too hard to be weird now, TBH? Also seriously, Norm feels like his character is reduced to a punchline again and Zack was an idiot.

Also... I kinda feel like they treat MML on the same level as PnF too much when it REALLY isn’t.

The Dog Who Knew Too Much

Diogee episode, huh.

Lol I wonder why the museum of sharp objects doesn’t attract families

Perry is here at the talent show. Okay then.

Oh great, Doof being a pain at home, just what I want. Also... Sara has a few clothes lying around too even if it’s mostly Doof. :v

The mum thing is now even worse with Brigitte saying Doof is Sara’s brother. Ugh.

“Why does he live here again?” Because the writers said so.

The cops are targeting Murphys. Well then. Poor Martin though.

So Perry and Diogee escape from new random dudes because Diogee ate the USB shaped like a cookie. Okay.

Doof is still mad at Perry, and he just leaves. Okay.

Oh it’s that old lady again. K.

omg the eye balls lol

And Milo returns at the end. Wow.

Another meh episode, you know how it goes. Guess if you want a proper Perry and Diogee team up you might get something out of it. But eh.

Adventure Buddies:

OH HI VANESSA, YOU ACTUALLY STILL EXIST

“You’re spending too much time alone.” Just outright say he’s fucked off for too long and forgotten about you until now. :P

Oh, Vanessa reminding Doof of Perry, hmm?

The breakup drama, it’s glorious.

Vanessa is now gone, RIP. Guess like Norm it was literally just a “hey I still exist” moment. :v

Vanessa casually walks out and says hi to Brigitte. This is so fucking weird. So she’s visited before? Okay then. I mean good that Vanessa and Norm still exist, but it feels weird they’re still really neglected.

Doof is looking for Diogee now, K.

Milo looking dreamily at Zack- oh wait it’s just him having a thing written in someone’s book he’s happy about.

Brick and Savannah on Pistachio Duty is much funnier than the majority of the stuff I’ve just watched.

Doof waving to Vanessa at the start and saying to Milo to tell her he found an adventure buddy is sweet, not gonna lie.

Doof going on an adventure with Scott. Okay then.

Zack suggests a tetanus shot. Vaccination is good, kids! Vaccinate! Don’t listen to those Walking on Water founders or Greg Cipes, vaccinate!

I was starting to be lost on the Adventure Buddies thing but... Doof misses Perry and Scott with Mildred (who are clearly presented as a couple, mind you) doesn’t help things.

And they butt heads over it, with Doof even making his own girlfriend. Ooooh.

Professor Time mention. Fun.

Doof goes back home and he goes back to being all “I’ll go where they accept me” and it’s the Murphys. Granted they’re not into him being covered in sewer water, but this episode was setting up him realising how much he misses Perry, I swear.

This episode I felt was better... but then the ending came and fucked it up. So another to the mediocre pile regardless of Vanessa and Perry moments (which again despite being nice are still “why is there so much PnF?”).

Ride Along Little Doggie:

“Late in the season when the writers are tired.” Bleh.

Milo gets Amanda a drink, heh.

“I’m nominated for most tolerant friend.” “Is that a joke?” “Don’t push me lady.” WELL THEN.

Also... Zack pulling Melissa away when she was getting feisty. Kinda shippy if you ask me. :P

Elliot is fun thankfully.

Okay, I’m kinda tired of the Zippy gag now.

The recurring raccoon appears without the annoying theme song. This is a first. :V

Don’t tell me Diogee is gonna be a fucking cop dog.

Bradley is back with the stupid plant arm for a green thumb gag. Meh.

Yep, Diogee is a cop dog.

Murphy’s Law really stopping the award lol.

Greatest perseverance, what a surprise. Also lol, she kisses Milo and before she caught him. Are they a thing now?

Where the heck did Melissa go? And why wasn’t she staying around with the Murphys, nevermind Zack?

It was okay I guess? Pretty forgettable, but I had less issues than the other episodes. Milo subplot actually wasn’t too bad, it still had quite a bit that was just average but it had a few nice moments.

[kemifatoba]

DADDY | hoe__mies is Berlin’s new, seriously woke party series & community space

Gizem and Lucia aka hoe__mies have created a party series and community space that is centered around women, non-binary, and trans people and primarily caters to an audience of colour.

The feel-good space was born out of a feel-terrible moment: an argument Gizem had with the organiser of a party that was branded as being all about female empowerment, but which boasted an exclusively male line-up and a dude-heavy audience.

When Gizem wondered aloud why women weren’t included if it was advertised as being a celebration of womanhood, the organiser retorted “If you don’t like the way I’m doing this, maybe you should do it better!” She did, bringing Lucia on board too — now people book hoe__mies for gigs, parties and they’re getting so much work it’s “become like a part time job.” Colour us intrigued: DADDY met up with Gizem and Lucia to find out more.

How did people react to you starting hoe__mies and how has the platform impacted your lives?

Gizem: I’d say 98% of the reactions were positive. People were really thankful that we created this kind of space and that we think so inclusively. In our description we address genderqueer people and women over and over again so that people actually feel welcome and represented. There were a few sceptical voices, mainly male ones, who didn’t think that we could pull this off or that we could actually DJ — and when we’re playing there’s always someone coming up to you to look over our shoulder to check if we’re doing it right.

Lucia: I’ve got a lot of gay and queer friends who love hiphop but don’t got to the club nights because they don’t like the vibe there. After Gizem told me about her experience I thought that this could be an opportunity to organise an event where everyone feels comfortable and can enjoy the music equally. hoe__mies got big quite quickly and has become like a part time job now. We prepare for gigs, organise parties, and we also have ideas for things we’d like to do in the future… It really had a big impact on our lives and it’s exciting.

What’s the best and what’s the worst thing about being a young woman of colour in Berlin?

Lucia: Being exotified [is frustrating]. People always want to talk about this “exotic” thing but they aren’t interested in me personally. They love to be around you because it’s cool to have Black people at parties. There’s always this expectation people have of me – they expect me to dance in the middle of the dance floor, be loud and entertain everyone, and I’m not that kind of person. On the other hand people really are interested, they want to know what you do and you get more attention than others, can express yourself more and maybe have more of a chance to do what you like.

Gizem: Everywhere we go, we look different from the white norm and I felt that a lot when I was in Mexico studying. Physically I looked like everyone else there and that really was nice. Coming back to Germany, from the moment I arrived at the airport, it was immediately awkward because there was racist stuff happening — not to me but a group of people next to me — and I thought that this wouldn’t have happened in Mexico. What’s really nice about being a woman of colour is that you have so many sources to develop your personality from. I have so many influences from my family and my “culture” and I think that these different experiences shape us and makes us more sensitive.

Gizem, you’re writing a thesis on the German hiphop scene – what’s your insight so far?

Gizem: So far I’ve interviewed three women who have had an impact on different aspects of the hiphop scene: a producer, a DJ and a rapper. Some of them are really hopeful and positive about the scene becoming more inclusive but others are reproducing the patterns that keep women out. I think internalised sexism is a real problem that needs to be addressed and worked on. There’s a lot happening at the moment. There are people like SXTN or Haiyti who just seem to be having fun doing what they do and people really like that. Especially SXTN who are using terms that are offensive, the same terms men are using, but suddenly when women use them it becomes a problem and people are outraged and I think that’s why people are talking a lot about these two women. I think that they also have a degree of privilege because they are attractive. That’s a game changer in a way. Women are always measured by how they look, and it helps to look good. You might have a better chance of succeeding in that business.

Lucia: At the same time you’ll be reduced to your looks and people won’t take you seriously and will use this as an excuse as to why you are successful. It might help your chances, but you’ll also have to deal with other problems.

Gizem: Yeah, you always have to prove yourself, also in the DJ scene, which can be quite exhausting.

And what stereotypes do you have to deal with in the city’s creative scene?

Gizem: People often say things like “They only let you play because you’re pretty”. I like to play hard stuff sometimes, like real gansta trap shit and people will be like “Oh, she actually plays that, she listens to that? That’s kinda rough for her…”. They will be surprised about that. Lucia has experienced that a lot in her acting career…

Lucia: Yeah I had a lot of requests like “Can you act with a French accent?”. I’ve been offered roles where I should play a refugee coming from Africa who stole something and then got sent back and I thought that it’s such a racist cliché. I stopped acting because I was so tired of all these requests that are always about race. People tried to explain it by saying things like “we can’t put you in that role because then we have to explain why you’re Black and in Germany and why you speak fluent German” – something that isn’t seen as normal in Germany. I think it’s a little bit different in the music scene but still there’s this focus on the US and UK and I find it a bit sad that we don’t try to create our own thing. We aren’t English speakers and it’s weird when German people sing these lyrics. I think we should focus more on who we are and what we have instead of trying to be something else.

Gizem: One thing I’d like to add is that women are getting paid a lot less for DJ jobs. I always see that in comparison to my boyfriend who also DJs. I see the offers he gets —  he tells people how much he wants and everyone’s OK with that but when I make demands I always get the response that it’s not negotiable.

Lucia: The other thing is that as a woman, you always do the opening or the end, you never get the main spot. There are so many events in Berlin, like fashion shows, PR events or even at McFit, where there are always the same DJs playing. And I always wonder why they don’t ask women to play.

Is that why you decided to turn hoe__mies into a community platform rather than a party series?

Lucia: We started to function as a label because people started asking us if we’ve got female DJs they can book. We’re sort of like a connecting point and we’d like to extend that.

Gizem: We thought a lot about the name and it took us a while to find it. I think what’s so great about the name is that it takes away something from people who shame certain lifestyles and transforms this into something positive. I remember from school that it was the worst to be called a slut or a ho and I think it angers the people who we take the term away from, who are mainly cis men. Some people were upset that we called ourselves that and we were like: Why not? What’s the big deal about it?

Who inspired you to start hoe__mies? Anyone you want to give a shout-out to?

Gizem: There’s a London-based collective called Pxssy Palace who we took inspiration from when we came up with the T&Cs of our party. They’re great and they know and support us.

A person that had a really big influence on me was Nelly, a classmate from Mexico who wrote about the hiphop scene there. My whole approach that I’m taking with my thesis is inspired by her. Leila, one of my closest friends and a colleague at i,Slam, was really supportive too. And then there’s Anne Wizorek who I did #ausnahmslos with – she was the first person to interview us because she wanted to give us a platform

Lucia: My friends from the queer scene have really influenced me. Transgender people, for example, who fight to be accepted every day. When someone is making a change or transformation, that always inspires me. Or the gay scene, especially women. Often guys don’t accept it when a woman says she’s gay. These people who always prove others wrong inspire me.

What’s next? – both for hoe__mies and yourselves?

Lucia: I was always into music and really appreciate that Gizem got me back into it through hoe__mies. I want to focus more on that and become a better DJ because I want to be good at things I’m representing. For hoe__mies we want to become bigger, support artists and live performances because there are female artists who want to perform and we’d like to give them a stage – also from other fields. We want to support and represent everyone and be a platform for talented female artists.

Gizem: It’s important for us to be more than a party. We want hoe__mies to be a community of people with shared interests and shared identities. We want to help gain access to a certain field or a certain scene these people would be excluded from. We made that clear from the start that we want to cooperate with different kinds of artists and support them. We’d also like to start workshops where people learn how to spin and pass that knowledge on. I had the privilege to study something that got me really far personally and career-wise and that’s also an idea that we have: to create a learning space – but that’s still a long way off. We’d like the next party to be an open air thing because it’s nice to do that in summer — so if someone reads this and has ideas for a location, please let us know!

One last question: When people in a creative context answer the question why there aren’t more PoC involved in art shows etc with “We couldn’t find any?” – what do you think of that statement?

Lucia: It’s laziness! You can do your homework, just sit down.

Gizem: Exactly. If we can find all these female rappers, others can find them too.

This interview has been edited and abridged.

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