#kinda went for an alice oseman kind of style

[danbonnefoydrawsartistshelikes]

will wood doodles!!

[astrarche-x]

I read “Fangirl” by Rainbow Rowell after I finished 2 books I got for Christmas. It was staring at me from my sister’s shelf and I’ve heard something good about this book, Rowell is also quite famous YA author, so I decided to give it a try. 

It certainly didn’t match my expectations; in fact, my disappointment grew with every page and I grew tired of the heroine, Cath - an introverted first year college student and fanfic writer-  and other characters.

Why so?

- At first, I thought that snippets of Cath’s fanfics are a cool addition to the book, because it’s such a crucial part of this character, and I also thought that they will be somehow related to the events happening in-universe. But they weren’t! They didn’t help me as a reader to understand Cath, didn’t expand my understanding of the events of the plot, didn’t really give me any “story within a story” because they were so fragmented (I know there is a whole book about Simon Snow, but that’s not relevant now, is it?) and I already felt like I knew Cath’s writing style after like 3 examples, so idk why there were so many.

- I felt like the characters don’t develop at all. And what’s the point of the story if it’s not character development? In the end of the book, the only thing different from the starting point is the fact that the heroine has a boyfriend. She isn’t more open, she’s still talking to like 2-3 people (and writing is not like a movie, adding a character doesn’t cost you money, right?) and it’s not like those relationships change a lot. Cath and her roommate Reagan? They form a bond in the middle part of the book and it stays the same. Wren, Cath’s twin sister? They lose contact during the plot and Wren has a new friend to prove she’s a separate person, but eventually they make amends and sisters are together again. The other friend disappears. No big talk about being separate people but still needing each other, no reflecting on that in any way; they make amends and then Wren is just there, spending a lot of time with Cath like her own life never happened. Relationship with dad and mum? Stays the same, even though they were written in a way that suggests big plot points.

- Levi, Cath’s boyfriend. He doesn’t have an inner life. He’s just a smiling, nice guy with learning difficulties. But Cath can always feel safe with him and count on him; honestly, how is he different from her ex? Also some can say that Cath and Levi were cute tohether and they kind of were, but for me it was too much sugar and when their relationship became the focal point of the plot I couldn’t take it anymore. How many times a writer can describe the same physical features with exactly the same words? Like yeah, we get it, the character is in love, change the subject.

(Also his attempts at unneccessary chivalry... ugh. Not cute).

- Nick from the library. He was actually the guy I was shipping Cath with (and myself as well, if I had the chance). They had so much chemistry! But it was also strongly hinted at that he won’t be the endgame; in fact, I don’t really see the point of his existence as a character. He’s Cath’s crush, but after he stops playing this role, he’s mentioned only twice and then dropped completely. But the point of him being the crush and the writing buddy/rival is not even relevant! It’s not reflected in Cath in any way except that she’s a bit sad.

- Cath doesn’t develop as a writer. Actually, after reading a few sentences about how writing is so important for Cath etc, I thought that I would see more of her as a writer, but mostly it looks like “...and she wrote 5000 words that night”. No description of creative process. Talk about how her life influences her writing: 2 times (at the end of the book). Pressure from readers who? I don’t know her. Also I was really surprised that she said “I only ever want to write fanfiction, I want nothing of my own!” - like... who would say that? Sure, they are people who just write fanfiction as a hobby, but there are others who start with fanfic and then create their own stories, so if Cath is an established fanfic writer and went on to study English lit and take creative writing class, then having her say something like this sounds super fake. 

- Cath herself was a boring protagonist. And I’m not saying this because she was an introvert. Lots of introverts make interesting protagonists; take, for example, Offred from The Handmaid’s tale. Cath is boring not only because she literally sits in her room and cries for like half of the book (giving me Rodion Raskolnikov vibes and he annoyed me like hell), but also because so little of her inner life is described in detail. Like, c’mon, I’ve opened this book, I want to know what’s going on in her head. But instead of paragraphs of her thoughts, we are only given a sentence, maybe two or three. And one of them sounds often like “she thought about all the reasons she had to dislike their mother” but then none of said reasons is listed, making this sentence effectively worthless. Very often Cath’s remarks about other people are repeated; I don’t even want to count how many times she noticed that Levi smiled a lot. And then she noticed noticing it; and then she noticed him smiling even more times. Seriously that’s his only feature? (That and his hair). Because this makes the heroine very unobservant; I don’t want to look at the world through her eyes, because it’s nothing there to see. 

- Cath as a (titular) fangirl: she doesn’t really interact with the fandom during the course of the actions in other way than writing and that’s... unusual? Who limits themselves to only one form of fan content? I know she had merch and fanart, but she doesn’t interact with other fans (except for her sister and a random stranger). She also mentions having internet friends at the very beginning, which I assume would be very likely for a fanfic author of her status. Then her roommate says “internet friends are not real” (yes. literally.) and Cath’s internet friends are not mentioned again, because, you know, internet friends are irrelevant to your real life. Generally this book makes it look like belonging to a fandom was about the merch you own and maybe writing your fanfic, if that’s what you use as a coping mechanism for real life. No talk of reading other fanfics, visiting sites like Tumblr or other blogs, no interaction with other fans, no conventions, stuff like this. It made fandom look like something for sad and lonely people, and while it kind of is, it’s also a source of joy and satisfacton for many; in Cath’s case, I only saw it as a straw to which a drowning man clutches. 

(Also I found it kinda weird that sex in this book is like Schrodinger’s cat: existent and nonexistent at the same time. Does Cath write erotic scenes? I guess. Is it adressed? Yes. And then immediately dismissed in order not to talk about it. She also wants it and doesn’t want it at the same time, which is fine irl, but confusing in a book, especially when she doesn’t reflect at that confusion much). 

I thought I will see in Cath a glimpse of myself - first year of uni was also stressful for me (even though I’m certainly not an internet-famous writer). But she was almost extremely unrelatable. And then I started comparing “Fangirl”  with “Loveless” by Alice Oseman, which has very similar setting - first year, loneliness, outgoing roommate, introverted protagonist having trouble opening up, breaking of a sisterly bond, fanfiction (even though Georgia, the protagonist, only reads it). I’d recommend “Loveless” a lot more. You won’t get much talk of the writing process, but hey, you weren’t getting it anyway. You will be given queer characters instead.

My final thought was that I’m probably just too old for “Fangirl”. That it was written for 17-year-olds who are anxious about going to college. But my sister is 17-year-old who is anxious about going to university and she didn’t like this book either (this post is brought to you by our displeased brainstorming last night), so it’s probably just bad, shallow writing. 

[unnursvanablog]

All the books I read in 2020 / part 2.

The Golem and the Jinni - Helene Wecker: ☆☆☆☆☆

Loved how these myths and legends were used within this story. It is a beautiful tale of immigration and friendship and how Wecker conveyed that was just beautiful. The text did drag its feet in some places, but this story is also so character driven; their experience with the world, and their longings, so I understand that slow pace. Everything about it felt really sincere and it truly is a book that leaves you with something. I have never read anything like this before and I felt like it bridges the gap between historical history and fantasy well.

Naturally Tan - Tan France: ☆☆☆

I listened to this book in one sitting as I drove from the capital area and all the way home to the countryside. And I really enjoyed it because I really like Tan France and he narrated the audiobook himself. The text, the chapters and therefor the book itself goes a bit all over the place and it feels a bit vapid at times. It was about everything and nothing, really.

The Silence of Bones - June Hur: ☆☆☆

I am not so much for these types of mystery novels, so it was not something that drew me forward, but I did find the atmosphere that Hur created within the story and the historical elements really great and made the story quite enjoyable. I felt like learning a little more about certain parts of Korean history that I did not know before, and I really enjoyed that.

In the Labyrinth of Drakes - Marie Brennan: ☆☆☆

The world that Brennan has created continues to wow me. It is complex and it’s so much fun to travel around it. I love getting to know these characters at different stages of their lives and it just makes you like them even more. The story often runs into the same problem for me and that is that I find the first parts of the story so exciting, it is an adventure, but then it loses me a little towards the end.

The Will to Battle - Ada Palmer: ☆☆

After the amazing storyline of the second book, this book really lacked any excitement within the plot to propel you further and instead we got a lot of philosophical lessons and musings. In the previous books I felt like Palmer managed to strike a balance between those things, but not here. So little was going on. This story is deep, beautifully written, and complex and all that, but the text is often so long and dense, and my dyslexia just wants to skip these walls of texts that often just feel like statements about something philosophical but not real conversations or reflections from the characters.

The Unlikely Escape of Uriah Heep - H.G. Parry: ☆☆☆☆

I was hoping for a 'grown up version' of Cornelia Funke's Inkheart, and although that was not quite what I got, I really enjoyed this. I thought the world was well thought out, and the idea of the readers interpretation of the characters and even literary criticism can affect how they would appear in our world was a cool concept. In some places I felt that the story was a bit stunted or towards the end I was starting to predict where it was going, and there was a lot of misunderstanding between the characters so the story could continue, which got on my nerves. But for the majority of the time, it was a really fun read.

Midnight Sun - Stephenie Meyer: ☆

You can judge me for this. I judge myself too. It was strange to fall back into the Twilight world after completely falling out of it after reading the last Twilight book. But out of sheer curiosity, I decided to give this one a try. But wow… this was not fun and added almost nothing to the original story and Edward is just so damn boring and having to spend time in his mind was just kind of a torment.

The Absolute Sandman, vol 1 & 2 - Neil Gaiman: ☆☆, ☆

I was going to listen to the whole thing via the new and shiny audible version of the Sandman comics, but I could sit through more than the first two volumes. I could not tolerate the violence against the female and queer characters. Oh my god! You do not have to go that far to make your story edgy, or create a complex, dark world. Nothing that happened seemed to move me or make me want to keep listening to this story. It does not really seem to revolve around anything. Or maybe I am just too annoyed to pay attention to the story. Fortunately, Gaiman seems to have improved as a writer since.

Radio Silence - Alice Oseman: ☆☆☆☆

Listened to this and although contemporary YA is is usually not something that hooks me or interest me in any way, Oseman manages to make the story so genuine and down to earth despite all the teenage drama, and the character felt so real that it just draws you in. The daily problems of teenagers often seem too dramatic or unreal to me in books like this, but that was not here. The text is not to flowery, but not too simple either. The story just as a really good pace going on. Everything just flowed together.

Wicked Fox - Kat Cho: ☆☆☆

The story did sound like a kdrama to me and I was hoping it would be that. Just fun and cute and fluffy with some loveable characters and sprinkle of myths and legends. It was fun, it didn't go into too much depth with most things within the story. It kinda brushes over a lot of things. For me the book started of well, but then towards the middle of the book things start to happen to fast and there was not enough time spent on bulding things up, so in the end the story kinda went nowhere for me. The little bits of the Gumiho legend, at least how the legend was presented in this book, inbetween the chapters was my favorite bit.

The Silmarillion - J.R.R. Tolkien: ☆☆☆☆

You can tell that worldbuilding and just spending time making things up for this magical world that he crated was one of the things Tolkien enjoyed the most when it came to writing. The stories about Middle Earth, even the backstories, are so rich and lushus. I do struggle with the writing style, it does feel a bit dry to me at times, and it does feel like short stories set in the world of Middle Earth and not at tightly knit story which isn't always my cup of tea so it did take me a while to get into it.

The Left-Handed Booksellers of London - Garth Nix: ☆☆☆

The story really throws you straight into the action and you just have to find your bearings as best as you can while the story goes on. It was really fast paced and the story never really stops for too long to give you a breather. It was light and funny, a little weird and the character were whimsical, which I enjoyed. Sometimes I felt like I was in a Doctor Who episode, except with magic and not aliens. I just wish it would have let the story breath a little more for me to really enjoy the world that Nix had crafted and such things.

A Deadly Education - Naomi Novik: ☆☆

I do not know what happened here, but wow, this was so not Novik at her best. Neither the characters or the worldbuilding that I am used to getting from Novik was in this book and for the most part there wasn't a whole lot going on in this books. I can deal with a slow burning book and really just enjoy a good fantasy world but there was very little interesting things here to explore. I can deal with a unlikeable main character, but this one didn't grow at all during the book, she just kept on reminding us why she was cranky all the time and how much she delighted in it. There was a whole lot of telling about this magical school and the diverse world outside of it, but very little showing so it all seems rather empty and after a while I just started to skim over the text. And there was really no story there that kept me going and I could not see the purpose for anything that happened.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue - V.E. Schwab: ☆☆☆☆☆

Oh, wow. The feeling that this book created inside me and the sincerity within the text just grabbed me and would not let me go. I made me feel a lot of things, and I love when a books do that. There are so many emotions behind it and you can really feel them. The atmosphere that Schwab creates in the story is great and it hooks you in, but it is the character and their stories that make you stay. I don't usually enjoy timejumps, but Schwab did them so well and they do explain the story and the motivations for each of the characters really well, although it get's a bit repetitive at times, especially towards the end.

The Moomins: The Exploits of Moominpappa, Moominsummer Madness, Moominland Midwinter - Tove Jansson: ☆☆☆☆

I love the Moomins, but there's just something so cozy about these stories and characters. They are part of my childhood, they are so light, whimiscal and funny, yet have depth to them, which is a balance that is difficult to achieve in my opinion. My journey through this book took me almost a year, as I only occasionally picked it up to enjoy the text and my stay in this small, strange world that Jansson created. I was savoring it.

Shine - Jessica Jung: ☆☆☆

SNSD, the band that Jesscia Jung was in, is my favorite kpop band since I started listening to kpop more than 10 years ago and their music is one of the main reasons why I got into kpop to begin with. So of course I was intrigued! The story here is something that I think could be inspired Jessica experiences within the kpop industry, or that thought never left me as I read it even if there were lot of unbelievable things going on within these pages. But it's definitely overdramatized at times. But how she talks about gender discrimination between female singers and male singer, from other people in the business and from the fans and the expectations that people have towards these singers and such. That felt really authentic to me. For all the glamor and the dazzle of the kpop world within this book the plot and the characters are a bit dull, and some of the more unbelievable events (like all of those trips and secret cafes) often pulled me out of the story. And I did not find the clichéd YA romance fun to read at all.