#lame of tumblr but still happy to see Phil trying to help even though it wasn’t his fault

[kinkyteaa]

A Christmas in the Life of Dan and Phil

*please do not repost without my permission, though reblogs on tumblr are appreciated*

It was Christmas Day.

Phil stood over the festive dinner he’d made and studied it critically. It was perfect. Okay,so maybe the turkey was a little on the burnt side and the raspberry sponge cake was slightly lopsided,but Phil hadn’t had much time and he’d done the best he could. Besides,surely the expensive champagne and the plate of crunchy almond cookies from Zoe made up for them.

“Bzzz.”

Phil looked up,surprised. Dan was back. Already?? Shit. He hadn’t started making the pasta yet.

He rushed to the door,ready to stall his housemate for as long as he could,when a chirpy female voice filtered through the intercom.

“Philip! Open the door will you, my arms are bloody full and the baby in me is extremely awake right now!” Phil gave a sigh of relief. Louise.

As soon as he opened the door, the blonde burst into the room,armed with dozens of colourful shopping bags and an enormous baby belly.

“Louise! Oh gosh, here-let me help,” Phil insisted, concerned that she’d been carrying so many heavy things while practically 9 months pregnant.

“Ever the gentleman, I see,” Louise winked.

“Oh Lord- thanks. I thought my arms were going to detach from my body,” she joked, immediately bustling into the dining room. Phil carefully put the bags on the couch before going after his miraculously energetic friend.

“Right,so the tinsel will have to go up by the counters and I figure we could hang the mini golden angels from those wall cabinet handles,” Louise rambled,pointing as she walked about, inspecting the floor,then the laid table.

Phil had no idea what was happening.

“We’ll need to polish the glass on that,then maybe stick some mistletoe up by that window,“she continued, completely unaware of Phil’s oblivion.

“And how ‘bout-”

“Wait!“Phil interrupted.

“What?“Louise whirled around, surprised.

“What are you talking about? What’s going on??” Phil asked,baffled.

“Decorations, of course! It’s Christmas ain’t it? And you’re proposing to Dan tonight,so obviously we need to spruce things up a bit. Don’t worry, I knew we needed to put red roses into the mix as well so I’ve ordered some already, they’ll be here any minute,” the blonde replied casually.

Phil’s mouth dropped open. Louise raised an eyebrow.

“You ARE proposing to Dan tonight, aren’t you?”

“Well-um..” Phil started. “I - not really, I just- I don’t think we’re ready,” he continued lamely, scratching the back of his neck.

Louise looked outraged. “Philip Michael Lester, you’ve been dating Dan for 7 years! Don’t you think it’s time you proposed? It’s not fair to the poor boy, he’s been waiting for you to ask him for ages!” she accused,then clapped her hands over her mouth when she realized what she’d just let slip.

“Oh shit,” she mumbled, as Phil’s eyebrows shot up.

“First of all,Dan is most definitely NOT a ‘poor boy’ ,” Phil scoffed ,remembering the price of Dans winter parka, “and second, he has? Why didn’t he say so?”

Louise snorted.

“That’s not how it works, Phil, and that’s besides the point. The point is, it’s been YEARS and you two are still perfectly happy living with one another. You know all about each other’s strengths,weaknesses, likes and dislikes,plus you’ve got some freaky telepathy thing- which I still don’t think is fair when we’re playing charades in teams. Then there’s the fact that you’ve written two books together and gone on bloody TOUR together for fuck’s sake!” Louise reasoned.

“But I don’t really think now is a good time to ask,I mean, we’re so busy with everything at the moment- especially with the second tour coming soon,” Phil tried protesting.

Louise stepped forward and put both hands on the man’s shoulders.

“Phil?”

“Yes?”

“STOP. BEING. SUCH. A. SCARED. LITTLE. BABY! ” Louise emphasized each word while shaking Phil hard, making him extremely dizzy.

She stopped abruptly and looked him hard in the eye.

“There’ll never be a perfect time, and you’ve stalled long enough. Listen to me,” she said firmly, when Phil attempted to protest yet again.

“What are you waiting for,Phil? What’s holding you back? Don’t you love Dan?”

Phil nodded ,looking at the floor.

“DO YOU?!” Louise screeched, shaking him some more.

“Y-yes!” Phil choked out. “I do!’

“Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life?”

“Yes.”

“Then what the bloody cheesecake is stopping you??” Louise demanded, standing back with her hands on her hips.

“I- ” Phil began. He looked up at his friend,embarassed. Louise’s eyes softened.

“Go on,” she encouraged.

Phil sighed.

“I’m scared, what if I’m not good enough? What if I can’t make him happy? He’s the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met, he’s so caring and kind; he’s smart and funny, he’s articulate, he’s just so -so.. perfect.” Phil let out a harsh breath.

Louise frowned slightly but waited for him to continue.

“And then there’s me. I’m ugly. I’m stupid. People think my videos are dumb and childish. I’m not even funny, I don’t know why Dan is dating me. He’s been through godawful shit and he’s still so strong. He’s done so much for the online community, for people all around the WORLD, and I just- .. I’m useless.”

Finishing his little speech, Phil teared up a little then steeled himself. Willed himself not to cry. Like always.

Before he could react, warm arms enveloped him, squeezing him hard despite the large belly in the way.

“Group hug,” Louise smiled fondly at him. Phil smiled weakly in return.

“Look, Phil. I’ve known Dan for a long time, and I know for a fact that he was unhappy and lonely for a very long time. Until YOU came along. No matter what, you’ve always been there to help him through,” Louise hesitated, inhaling sharply.

“There used to be a time when Dan used to call me on the phone,crying and crying and telling me he was done, he was just so fucking DONE with everything, with the world, with himself, with his entire fucking EXISTENCE ; and he’d heave and choke on his own words. He’d sob and beg me to tell him everything would get better. That one day, everything wouldn’t hurt so much. That one day, things would CHANGE. And I would. I’d say everything over and over, wishing I could do more for him. But every time I tried, he’d more often than not, push me away, saying he didn’t want to trouble me further and I had my own life to live,” here Louise paused to breathe,closing her eyes briefly as the memories swam through her head.

Phil remained silent.

“Two years had passed and nothing had changed. The calls came more often now and I was honestly beginning to despair. The last time I’d told Dan it would be okay, that things would change, even I didn’t know if I believed what I was saying anymore. Then, Dan found you. The calls came just as frequently as before, but this time they were to talk about YOU. How ‘Phil replied to my comment, Louise!’, ‘Phil Skyped me, Louise!’,‘PHIL ASKED ME OUT, LOUISE!’ And he’s been the happiest I’ve ever seen him since then. Because of YOUR love and support, he’s grown to be a strong, confident ,HAPPY young man. And that’s thanks to you. It’d be a lie to say he’s become that person without even a LITTLE bit of your help and we both know it,” Louise folded her arms.

“So if you think you don’t make him happy, Phil, you’re wrong. As for the rest, that’s all bullshit. You’re an attractive, amazing guy, who’s helped millions of people from different continents overcome their fear, anxiety, depression and goodness knows what else but for some bloody reason, you can’t seem to see that. Not to mention, you’re creative and intelligent and the nicest person I know, and I’m 100% sure Dan would agree with me wholeheartedly.”

At this, Phil started to cry, moving forward to pull Louise into an embrace. “You’re right. It’d be stupid to let my fears and insecurities stop me from marrying the man I love. I promise I’ll propose to him tonight, it’s really taken me a ridiculously long time. And I’ll do whatever I can to keep him the happiest man alive.”

“I know you will,” Louise smiled. “Now grab that tinsel and let’s get decorating.”

~~~ Two hours later, Dan Howell came home to a beaming Phil Lester, a spotlessly clean house -with the exception being the dining room, which was very dramatically decorated- and a more or less edible (but lovingly-made) dinner.

“Phil,you spork! You didn’t have to put in so much effort. It’s just a Christmas dinner,” Dan laughed as his blue-eyed boyfriend carried him, bridal style, to the dinner table ,where several bouquets of deep, crimson-coloured roses had been tastefully arranged- Louise didnt half-ass things when it came to flowers.

“Oh my fucking gosh, I’m ACTUALLY gonna’ fall. Phil,put me down,” Dan giggled, holding on to the other boy for dear life.

“You’re not. Shut up, I’ve got you.”

Phil nuzzled his pale cheek into Dan’s soft snowflake-strewn curls, kissing the younger boy gently on the forehead, making him blush a pretty pink. He hummed quietly, savoring the moment.

A small gasp made Phil grin. Dan had spotted the food.

“Holy mother of frick, what are you trying to do,fatten me up and eat me like the witch in that fairy tale? What was it called again,Handel and Gothel? Handle and Goth Girl??” Dan mumbled, distracted.

Phil laughed at how quickly his boyfriend could get sidetracked.

“Hansel and Gretel, you turd. And no, I’m not gonna’ eat you. Not in that way, at least,” he added, hiding a smirk.

Dan flushed ,nearly choking on his macaroni.(Yes,macaroni. Because Phil insisted all pasta was romantic.)

Grinning,Phil continued to eat as if nothing had happened as Dan rolled his eyes, annoyed at how easily he’d walked into that one.

He perked up when Phil brought out the ice-cold luxury champagne though.

“Whoa- Phil, something’s up, isn’t it?” the younger boy asked,his eyes wide- ecstatic,then suspicious.

Swallowing, Phil closed his eyes for a moment.

Come on,Phil. You can do this. You love Dan and Dan loves you.

He began to think of all the moments they’d had together. The places they’d seen together. How they’d met. 2009. The problems they’d worked through. 2012. The gaming channel. Dil. The radio show. PINOF. 2016. TABINOF. DAPGO. TATINOF,the tour. Dan’s rebrand. His now curly hair and adorable freckles.

Dan smiling at him as they sang ‘The Internet Is Here’. Dan laughing at Phil after throwing a giant snowball into his face. Dan snorting with laughter as Phil tried to capture the praying mantis on the wall of their room. Dan giggling as they played Golf with Friends. Dan squeezing his hand quickly when things got too much for Phil backstage. Dan kissing him in the rain on Mount Fuji. Dan rubbing Phil’s back when he had really bad motion sickness. Dan cuddling up to him in the darkness of their room. Dan whispering a quiet ‘I love you’ in that same darkness.

You can do this, Phil. You love Dan. And Dan loves you.

He opened his eyes, certain.

“Phil?” Dan asked quietly as Phil got up and walked over to him.

The flames of Dan’s favourite scented candles flickered slowly as they bathed the room in a warm,pleasant glow,lighting up Dan’s beautiful brown eyes.

Snow was falling steadily outside when Phil Lester got down on one knee and took the small blue box out of his pocket, opening it and holding it up to his boyfriend.

“Daniel James Howell, will you make me the happiest man alive by- .. by marrying me?” he asked ,his heart beating wildly.

No answer. Phil looked up,terrified.

Dan was crying. Big, fat tears were leaking out of the corners of his eyes and rolling down his rosy, freckle-dusted cheeks.

“Dan- are you okay? Was it too early? I’m so sorry,” Phil babbled, embarassed and worried.

“No- no, shut up, you idiot!” Dan swatted the other man on the shoulder.

“Of course I’ll marry you, I’m just so happy, I’m fucking crying. Oh gosh, it took you long enough,” he laughed, pushing himself off his chair and into Phil’s waiting arms.

Phil pulled the brunette in for a long, loving kiss,feeling Dan’s smile against his lips.

“I love you,” Dan whispered in the semi- darkness.

“I love you too, bear,” Phil replied, sighing contentedly.

He loved Dan. And Dan loved him.

[dirtyjazminrice]

1 - Who was the last person you texted? - My mom

2 - When is your birthday? - May 9

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? - I wish Ryan didn’t have to work tomorrow so we could be hanging out right now

4 - What sports do you play? - None

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? - My aunt Diane 

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? - Whichever song on the Poptopia spotify playlist had that sexy ass bass that had me feeling a certain kind of way on the drive home from work. Also, Praying by Kesha

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? - Ryan or Bear Grylls

8 - What do you feel right now? - Conflicted. I want to watch the new episodes on the Bob’s Burgers live stream, but i also want to start A Court of Thorns and Roses

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? - Dark

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? - The past tense sounds ominous. I’ve had 2 in the past and 1 right now, so 3

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? - Because my emo friends in high school had them and i wanted to be a part of the group

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? - Jenna Marbles technically counds

13 - Where do you want to be right now? - In the mountains or by the beach

14 - What do you want to be in the future? - Happy and financially stable

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? - Last night. I finished Eleanor and Park. WHY WOULDN’T SHE WRITE HIM BACK. WHY DIDN’T SHE CALL HIM. WHY DIDN’T SHE TELL HIM SHE LOVED HIM TOO. WILL THEY EVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN

16 - Are you happy? - Momentarily I’m bummed, but ultimately I’m very happy

17 - Who do you miss? - Caitlin

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? - No

19 - What was the best thing you were given? - The gold coated rose Ryan gave me a few years ago

20 - Who was the last person who called you? - Sophia

21 - What is your favorite dish? - Sushi

22 - Who is your bestfriend? - Loaded question.

23 - What is your biggest regret? - Not applying to that Nebraska Furniture Mart job before it went off Indeed

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? - NEVER

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? - I’m not sure what this means, but probably Ryan

26 - Name someone pretty. - I’m having a harder time thinking of someone who isn’t pretty

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? - Ryan. He had a rough day.

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? - Loud music, preferably with bass. So hard rock, rap, EDM, etc

29 - Are you over your past? - Sure? lol

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? - My old assistant manager Vail

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? - Someone exactly like Ryan

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? - Only when I eat too soon before bed

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? - My mom

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? - Jeans always

35 - How’s your heart? - She’s good. Wishes her questions were answered about Eleanor and Park

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? - No, but all my exes have

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? - A little

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? - I’d take the high road and ask him how Europe was or tell him the hair cut was a good idea, but I’d want to ask him how it felt when the girl he cheated on me with and always was in love with the 3 years we were together got pregnant with another guys baby, and will never ever be with him ever again

39 - Do you have any phobias? - Death and spiders

40 - Did you try to change for a person? - I tried to change for my first boyfriend because I was young and desperate

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? - Most recently I gave Ryan the best birthday presents of his entire life. Got it all on video. I also gave him a very sentimental book commemorating our relationship and it made him cry so that too

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? - Hell no. Mostly i look back and wonder why i let myself stay with him for so long. I guess wildly changing friend groups (and sometimes no friends) made me want some stability

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? - Good to neutral. It’s the weekend

44 - Name someone you can’t live without. - My family and Ryan

45 - Describe your dream date. - Hiking in the mountains, exploring hidden water forms, kayaking in a large body of water (if it’s an ocean, extra points), playing in the water, going to eat sushi, and then resigning back to our bedroom for the end of the night

46 - Describe your dream wedding. - Not expensive.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? - Never really celebrated Valentine’s day. It seems lame to me, whether I’m in a relationship or not. Anymore it’s just an instagram competition and it’s exhausting.

48 - Have you ever been kissed? - A few times

49 - How long is your longest relationship? - 4 years today (exactly. yay happy anniversary Jazmin and Ryan)

50 - Do you regret your past? - No

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? - Can I? Yeah. Will I? Idk depends on what and who

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? - I’ve cried over everything, i assure you

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? - Idk probably

54 - Are you a crybaby? - Hell ye

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? - Sometimes

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? - No

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? - Not that i can think of

58 - Do you like getting hurt? - Who likes that?

59 - Does anyone hate you? - If they do i don’t know about it. I’d prefer not to. It’d give me anxiety

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? - I’ve never slapped anyone

61 - What hair color do you prefer? - Dark brown

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? - Wow this brought an onslaught of insecurities. Let’s avoid changing physical appearance and say I’d more pure hearted

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? - Hell ye

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? - No

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? - I don’t go to school (thank god)

66 - Can you live without internet? - I could but I don’t want to

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? - All of my hard rock, especially Rise Against and Linkin Park. Also You’ll Be in My Heart by Phil Collins

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? - No. I like to think I can do it but i cannot

69 - Are you a crybaby? - You asked that already. I definitely am

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? - No

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? - No

72 - Do you study hard? - I study medium

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? - Yes

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? - yes

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? - Yes

76 - Did you have an accident last year? - Like car accident? No

77 - What kind of person are you? - what the fuck kind of huge ass question is that. Like i even know. look at my blog. it probably won’t help anyway

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? - No, wtf

79 - Have you ever been jealous? - Oh yeah. Another thing i’d change about myself is being less jealous and focusing on what i have and not comparing myself to anyone else

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? - being emotionally there for them, always listening to them and giving them a shoulder to lean on

81 - What are you thinking right now? - how i’m no longer paying attention to the new bob’s burgers episodes

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? - fuck who cares about my contacts

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? - there was this one time in elementary school when i was with my daycare we went to the lincoln children museum and we were in a play vet area and this older boy had a play syringe and said he was going to put me to sleep and that really freaked me out and fucked me up

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? - I mean probably

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? - i am a sinner

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? - wtf i’m not a newborn 

87 - Do you have trust issues? - not really. i’m super trusting

88 - Are you broken-hearted? - no

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? - ryan

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? - all what pain? all pain we ever experience? no i don’t think all pain has purpose. some pain is just needless and painful

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? - not really. i don’t think there’s some predestined future.

92 - Who do you want to marry? - ryan

93 - Do you believe in destiny? - no

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? - yeah, though i think people could end up with a variety of different partners. I don’t think everyone has only one person.

95 - How do you look right now? - not my best, but lots of side boob

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? - no

97 - Have you found your true love? - ye

98 - What should you be doing right now? - paying attention to bob’s burgers, reading my book, or applying to other jobs

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends. - aaron. there might still be posts on my blog about him somewhere

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? - eh i don’t think so