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lasikcomplications · 2 months

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Lasik Complications

I created this account to share my story with Lasik. I hope my experience informs others of the truth behind the Lasik industry—its deceptive marketing practices, medical negligence culture and hidden complication rates.

I got Wavefront Optimized Lasik in 2023 with the ex500 laser with an Ivy League faculty surgeon in the USA. My myopia was between -5.00 and -6.00 in both eyes beforehand. My astigmatism was minor and uncorrected beforehand, between -.25 and -.50. I actually didn’t even know I had astigmatism before getting Lasik. Since that is a normal amount for most people, it is not noticeable or corrected. My prescription had been stable for over 3 years before proceeding with Lasik.

I have many complications after Lasik and it has been traumatic both physically and mentally. It is singlehandedly the most devastating thing to ever happen to me.

The surgeon should be discussing the risks with you in relation to your specific screening and eye health history during the initial consultation, but the problem is that many do not, rather they just send you a consent form after approving you as a candidate, without explaining why thoroughly. It is solely up to you to educate and inform yourself of the risks beforehand, but you are not an expert in the field so may not know what to look for in your own research.

Below are the things I wish I had known before going through with the procedure.

1) The risk of ectasia in relation to your individual screening results (corneal thickness, age, prescription, etc.). How corneal thickness impacts possibility of retreatment down the line if needed, how further treatment would greatly increase the risk of ectasia by further thinning the cornea. The risk is also very dependent on your current prescription and current corneal thickness. Higher prescriptions require more tissue removal.

2) Dry eye risk in relation to your screening. Explanation of how Lasik severs nerves which causes dry eye, risk of corneal neuralgia if nerves do not heal adequately. Explanation of how nerves never return to preoperative levels.

3) Loss of best achieved/corrected visual acuity and loss of contrast particularly at night due to pupil dilation.

4) Risk of starbursts/halos at night in relation to the patient’s pupil size vs. treatment zone.

5) Risk of under and overcorrection, and irregular astigmatism.

6) Explanation of what the Lasik flap is, scarring risk and permanent loss of corneal strength. Comparison of risks to other procedures: PRK and Smile.

7) Risk of floaters in relation to myopia, lattice degeneration, and risk of retinal detachment or early posterior vitreous detachment due to trauma caused by suction used during procedure.

8) Risk of rainbow glare due to laser pattern.

9) Explanation of how Lasik increases higher order aberrations which are uncorrectable through regular glasses/soft contacts and lead to visual side effects such as irregular starbursts, etc. There is no guaranteed fix--one can try topography guided retreatment, but it may not work. Scleral lenses can potentially correct but not cure.

10) Explanation of how Lasik makes cataract surgery harder to get if needed down the line. Patients getting Lasik should hold onto all previous eye records and topography scan for future cataract surgery. 11) Explanation of how Lasik leads to falsely low IOP measurements which may increase risk of undiagnosed glaucoma

Of these possible short-term and long-term risks, I currently have the following.

Rainbow glare, a rare side effect caused by the laser pattern. Usually transient over 2 years but not for all. Retreatment can fix it but cannot do due to post-Lasik dry eye syndrome and suspected corneal neuralgia.

Massive, irregular starbursts and halos at night, making night vision significantly poorer than before. I was told after the procedure during a second opinion consultation that I have larger than average dilated pupils, causing light to enter the untreated area at night which causes these visual disturbances. Only temporary pupil constriction drops can treat it, or risk topography-guided retreatment to widen the treatment zone, which may not work either. I'm not sure why I was approved for Lasik given my pupil size, but they told me nothing.

Diagnosed under correction, diagnosed worsened astigmatism after the procedure by .50 diopters in left eye

Diagnosed severe flap scarring

Diagnosed Higher order aberrations (HOAs). Spherical and coma in particular as shown by aberrometry. In only one eye I see diagonal streaks of lights on cars even during the day time, and ghosting at night making it hard to read subtitles, digital clocks, any text on dark screens (can no longer use my phone in dark mode, for example). I also see starbursts and halos at all times of day but they are massive at night. Again, HOAs cannot be easily corrected. Topography guided retreatment may or may not fix it, could make it worse, and scleral lenses may or may not help.

Floaters: I thought I had retinal detachment given all the floaters gradually appearing 1-3 months after Lasik, so I had an emergency appointment. The ophthalmologists cannot explain definitively why Lasik causes more floaters. I have been told that Lasik may just make them clearer. Another has said that the suction during the procedure stirs them up, and may damage the retina. Another has said that Lasik isn’t “supposed” to cause floaters the way cataract surgery does. But no one could provide a concrete answer. However, studies show that Lasik can lead to early Posterior Vitreous Detachment and and Retinal Detachment is a known risk of Lasik, so damage to the retina caused by the suction makes the most sense. In the most recent laser information, all of these are now listed as side effect so I was lied to.

Post-Lasik dry eye and corneal neuralgia. My nerves may or may not regrow adequately over the course of 18 months. I am currently being treated with serum tears which cost around $300 (not covered by insurance) for a 3-month supply. Serum tears are made from your own blood. Another treatment option is IPL which can be around $450 a session (also not covered by insurance). Previously tried prescription Xiidra eyedrops which is around $60 a month with insurance. Before Lasik, I rarely used eye drops. I now use them daily alongside frequent painkillers, nerve medication (Gabapentin), warm compresses and icepacks. I was told I likely had Dry Eye Syndrome before Lasik by an outside eye doctor, but wasn’t aware. I had thought I was becoming intolerant of contact lenses due to allergies. The ophthalmologist should have seen my dry eye during the Lasik screening, but if they did, they didn’t say anything and still approved me as a candidate. Many doctors will also say that Lasik “only causes dry eyes for the first few months,” but this is not true for many people. Some develop long-term or permanent dry eye syndrome and corneal neuralgia due to poor nerve regeneration. My life is very different than it was 8 months ago due to the daily discomfort and pain caused by dry eyes. This is the most devastating impact of Lasik so far. I would strongly advise against getting Lasik if you already have dry eye symptoms.

All this to say, I also knew around 10 people who got Lasik, PRK or Smile before I went through with it, and none had serious complications. Only one regretted the procedure due to regressing with his astigmatism a few years later. Another got Lasik in 2000 for -4.00 myopia and is still 20/20 today without side effects.

But given my side effects, I am shocked to be the “1 in 11.” I have wondered if the statistics are really accurate that most fare well. Even if I am the unlucky one, the 1 in 11, I would still argue that this probability is still way too high for such devastating risks.

When I did the procedure, I was mostly basing my faith on the people around me who had gotten it, rather than digging deeper into the research, data and stories of those with complications.

A report from the FDA in 2022 highlighted some statistics around Lasik side effects/complications and they are actually quite high despite the overall short-term satisfaction rate: https://www.fda.gov/medical-devices/lasik/lasik-quality-life-collaboration-project#:~:text=Questionnaire%20with%20Filenames-,Study%20Results,halos)

The study also admits it doesn’t have much data on long-term side effects, long-term risks and satisfaction.

In general, the marketing around Lasik is that it has the highest satisfaction rate in the world, and is a quick and casual miracle. Given that Lasik is an elective, expensive, privately paid procedure, I believe that this is why many clinics don’t adequately discuss these risks or review the patient’s screening with them in detail.

I am now in a Lasik support group with a lot of people who have both similar and different issues from the procedure.

The consequences of Lasik are honestly the hardest thing I have ever gone through, so I want to make sure the next person considering Lasik is more well-informed than I was, and knows their risks in relation to their individual screening and health history. If I could go back in time, I would’ve stuck with glasses and contacts.

All in all, the effects of Lasik on my physical and mental wellbeing have been truthfully devastating. My outcome and experience thus far is something for me to adapt to, cope with, accept and move forward from.

Thank you for reading.

-C

#lasik #eyes #surgery #laser #prk #myopia #lasik industry #fda #astigmatism #vision #healthcare #higher order aberrations #lasik complications #chronic pain

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eyerootseyeclinic · 9 days

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Lasik/Smile Surgery

Understanding LASIK and SMILE Surgery: Your Guide to Vision Correction

What is LASIK Surgery?

LASIK (Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis) is a popular form of laser eye surgery that reshapes the cornea to correct refractive errors. Since its introduction in the 1990s, Lasik/Smile Surgery LASIK has gained immense popularity due to its high success rates, quick recovery times, and minimal discomfort.

The procedure involves the following steps:

Creating a corneal flap: The surgeon creates a thin, circular flap in the outer layer of the cornea. This is done using a microkeratome blade or a femtosecond laser.

Reshaping the cornea: Once the flap is lifted, an excimer laser is used to reshape the underlying corneal tissue. This helps to properly focus light onto the retina.

Repositioning the flap: After the cornea is reshaped, the flap is carefully repositioned without the need for stitches. The flap naturally adheres to the cornea during the healing process.

Benefits of LASIK:

Quick and minimally invasive procedure

Short recovery time

High success rate, with most patients achieving 20/20 vision or better

Can treat myopia, hyperopia, and astigmatism

Minimal pain and discomfort

What is SMILE Surgery?

SMILE (Small Incision Lenticule Extraction) is a more recent advancement in laser eye surgery that offers similar results to LASIK but with a slightly different technique. It’s particularly suitable for patients with myopia and mild astigmatism. SMILE is a flapless procedure, Lasik/Smile Surgery which makes it a minimally invasive option compared to LASIK.

Here’s how SMILE works:

Creating a lenticule: The surgeon uses a femtosecond laser to create a small, disc-shaped piece of tissue (lenticule) within the cornea.

Removing the lenticule: Through a tiny incision (around 2–4 mm), the surgeon removes the lenticule, which reshapes the cornea and corrects the refractive error.

No flap required: Unlike LASIK, no corneal flap is created, reducing the risk of flap-related complications.

Benefits of SMILE:

Minimally invasive, with a smaller incision compared to LASIK

No corneal flap, reducing risks of flap displacement or complications

Potentially faster recovery for some patients

Lower risk of dry eyes post-surgery

Suitable for patients with thin corneas or dry eyes

LASIK vs. SMILE: How Do They Compare?

While both LASIK and SMILE are effective vision correction surgeries, there are a few differences that might make one a better choice for you than the other.

Procedure Type: LASIK involves creating a corneal flap, while SMILE is a flapless surgery. If you have concerns about flap-related complications, SMILE might be the better option.

Eligibility: LASIK can treat myopia, hyperopia, and astigmatism, while SMILE is primarily used to correct myopia and mild astigmatism. If you have a high degree of astigmatism, LASIK may be more suitable.

Recovery Time: Both procedures have fast recovery times, but some patients experience quicker healing and fewer dry eye symptoms after SMILE. LASIK patients can usually return to normal activities within a day or two, while SMILE patients may experience slightly less discomfort during recovery.

Vision Results: Both procedures offer excellent vision correction results, with most patients achieving 20/20 or better vision. However, LASIK has been around longer, so it has a more extensive track record.

Risks: LASIK may carry a slightly higher risk of developing dry eyes and other flap-related complications due to the creation of the corneal flap. SMILE, being flapless, Lasik/Smile Surgery may be a safer option for individuals prone to these issues.

What to Expect During and After the Procedure

For both LASIK and SMILE, the surgeries are quick, typically lasting about 15 minutes for both eyes. The procedures are performed under local anesthetic (eye drops), ensuring a painless experience.

During LASIK:

You’ll be asked to focus on a light while the surgeon operates.

The corneal flap will be created and lifted, followed by laser reshaping.

The entire process for each eye lasts a few minutes.

During SMILE:

The laser creates a lenticule inside your cornea, which the surgeon removes through a small incision.

The procedure is generally faster, as it requires no flap creation or adjustment.

Recovery:

LASIK Recovery: Many patients report clearer vision within hours, though full healing takes a few weeks. You may experience some discomfort, mild pain, or dry eyes during the healing process. It’s essential to avoid rubbing your eyes.

SMILE Recovery: Patients usually report less post-operative discomfort and dryness. Vision improvements occur quickly, though, like LASIK, complete healing may take a few weeks.

Post-Surgery Care

After either LASIK or SMILE, your doctor will provide you with instructions for post-surgery care. This typically includes:

Using prescribed eye drops to prevent infection and reduce inflammation.

Avoiding rubbing your eyes for at least a few weeks.

Wearing protective eyewear to prevent accidental trauma, especially during sleep.

Limiting activities like swimming, contact sports, and makeup application until cleared by your doctor.

Who is a Good Candidate for LASIK or SMILE?

To determine which surgery is right for you, a comprehensive eye exam is necessary. Some general guidelines include:

Age: You should be at least 18 years old with a stable prescription for at least one year.

Corneal Thickness: LASIK requires a thicker cornea for creating the flap, so individuals with thinner corneas may be better suited for SMILE.

Eye Health: Your eyes should be free from infections, injuries, or conditions like glaucoma or cataracts.

Refractive Errors: LASIK is more versatile, treating myopia, hyperopia, and astigmatism, while SMILE is mainly recommended for myopia and mild astigmatism.

Costs and Insurance

Both LASIK and SMILE are considered elective procedures, meaning they are usually not covered by insurance. The cost can vary depending on the clinic, surgeon experience, Lasik/Smile Surgery and location but generally ranges between $2,000 and $4,000 per eye.

Final Thoughts

Choosing between LASIK and SMILE comes down to your specific eye health, refractive error, and personal preferences. Both procedures have proven to be safe, effective, and life-changing for millions of patients seeking freedom from glasses and contact lenses. Be sure to consult with a qualified eye surgeon to discuss your options, understand the risks, and determine which procedure aligns with your vision correction goals.

With modern laser technologies advancing rapidly, LASIK and SMILE continue to offer highly accurate and long-lasting results, helping people achieve clearer vision and a better quality of life.

Key Takeaways:

LASIK involves creating a corneal flap, making it more suitable for a broader range of refractive errors.

SMILE is a flapless, minimally invasive procedure ideal for myopia and mild astigmatism.

Both surgeries are fast, with minimal downtime and excellent vision correction outcomes.

Consult an eye surgeon to determine which option is best for your eyes and lifestyle.

#Lasik/Smile Surgery

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smile-lasik-delhi · 13 days

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Smile LASIK in Delhi | Dr.Rajiv Bajaj Compares LASIK & Smile

Choose Smile LASIK in Delhi | Dr. Rajiv Bajaj’s LASIK vs. Smile Guide

Unsure between SMILE and LASIK? Dr. Rajiv Bajaj explains Smile LASIK In Delhi and helps you choose the best vision correction method for your needs.

Smile LASIK in Delhi

LASIK VS SMILE: Which One Is Best For You?

Technological advancements are occurring in every sector including the medical sector. One of the examples of advanced technology is the SMILE procedure used for treating nearsightedness and astigmatism. This is the third-generation technology after PRK and LASIK to correct the refractive error. It has several important and patient-friendly advantagesover other procedures. If you require more information, consult with the surgeon performing SMILE eye surgery in Delhi.

SMILE

SMILE is also known as Small Incision Lenticule Extraction. It is an advanced minimally invasive eye surgery. The procedure uses computer-guided laser light to reshape the cornea. It is a single-step process. In this procedure, the laser forms a small incision into the cornea and removes corneal tissue. The outcome of the SMILE procedure is excellent and has minimum complications.

During the SMILE procedure, the surgeon uses the femtosecond LASER. While the technology was approved in the United States in 2016, the procedure was in practice before that in various parts of the world. More than 1 million people all over the world have undergone their advanced third-generation procedure for correcting nearsightedness. You should choose the best surgeon for SMILE Lasik in Delhi.

Advantages Of SMILE

Following are some of the advantages of the SMILE procedure: Less invasive: It is a single-step process. It is less invasive as compared to LASIK and PRK. While the LASIK requires the formation of a 20 mm flap, this procedure forms a 3 mm incision that too a keyhole incision.

Reduced time: The time for performing the corneal reshaping is less in SMILE as compared to LASIK. While the excimer laser is used for reshaping cornea for approximately 40 seconds in LASIK surgery, the corneal reshaping time with SMILE is just 25 seconds with the femtosecond laser.

Fewer complications: Because of its less invasive nature, the complications are less as compared to LASIK and PRK. SMILE offers more corneal stability. As there is no flap formed, there are no flap associated complications such as incomplete corneal healing or corneal detachment. It also reduces the risk of damage to nerves. The technology does not cause dry eyes as there is no flap formation.

Less discomfort: Because of the reduced time of laser on the corneal tissue, the patient has less discomfort as compared to LASIK.

Odorless: The LASIK procedure creates an odor when the excimer laser hits the corneal tissue. However, such odor is not experienced in SMILE.

Conclusion:

When it comes to choosing between Smile and LASIK, both are highly effective vision correction procedures. However, Smile LASIK in Delhi, under the expert guidance of Dr. Rajiv Bajaj, offers a minimally invasive option with quicker recovery times and fewer side effects. With his extensive experience in both techniques, Dr. Bajaj helps patients make the best decision tailored to their unique needs, ensuring clear and lasting vision. Whether you opt for Smile or traditional LASIK, Dr. Bajaj’s expertise guarantees optimal results in your journey to better vision.

#Smile LASIK In Delhi

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planmylasik · 4 months

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All the different surgical methods have successfully treated diverse vision-related issues like far-sightedness, near-sightedness, and astigmatism. Amongst the various approaches we just mentioned Silk eye surgery is one of the most recent additions and has given outstanding results to global patients and eye specialists.

#Silk eye surgery in India #silk eye surgery

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alshifamedicaltourisminindia · 4 months

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SILK Eye Surgery: A Revolutionary Approach in Vision Correction

SILK (Small Incision Lenticule Extraction) eye surgery represents a significant advancement in the field of refractive surgery, offering a flapless, minimally invasive alternative to traditional LASIK and PRK procedures. Developed by Johnson & Johnson Vision, this innovative technique has gained traction for its safety, effectiveness, and rapid recovery times.

What is SILK Eye Surgery?

SILK is a type of refractive laser surgery that corrects myopia (nearsightedness) and astigmatism by reshaping the cornea. Unlike LASIK, which involves creating a corneal flap, SILK uses a femtosecond laser to create a small lenticule (a thin, disc-shaped piece of tissue) within the cornea. This lenticule is then removed through a tiny incision, altering the cornea's shape to improve vision. This flapless approach reduces the risk of complications and promotes faster healing

Benefits of SILK Eye Surgery

1. Rapid Recovery: Patients can typically resume normal activities within 24 hours, a significant advantage for those with busy lifestyles or active professions.

2. Reduced Dry Eye Symptoms: By minimizing manipulation of the corneal surface, SILK causes less nerve damage, leading to fewer and less severe dry eye symptoms compared to LASIK.

3. Safety and Stability: The absence of a corneal flap eliminates the risk of flap-related complications. This makes SILK particularly suitable for individuals involved in contact sports or professions where eye injuries are a concern.

4. Superior Vision Quality: SILK often results in exceptionally sharp vision, with many patients achieving 6/5 vision, which is better than the standard 20/20 vision.

5. Less Discomfort: The procedure is generally pain-free, with minimal postoperative discomfort. Most patients report only a slight pressure sensation during the surgery.

Comparisons with Other Procedures

SILK vs. LASIK:

-Procedure: LASIK involves creating a corneal flap, while SILK does not, reducing the risk of flap complications.

-Recovery: SILK offers faster recovery times, with many patients returning to their routines within a day.

- Dry Eyes: SILK causes less dry eye syndrome compared to LASIK due to less disruption of corneal nerves【8†source】【9†source】.

SILK vs. Contoura Vision:

- Customization: Contoura Vision excels in correcting corneal irregularities and higher-order aberrations, making it suitable for patients with specific corneal issues.

- Recovery: Contoura Vision requires a longer recovery period compared to SILK.

- Procedure: Contoura Vision involves creating a flap, similar to LASIK, while SILK is flapless.

SILK vs. SMILE:

- Incision Size: Both SILK and SMILE are flapless procedures, but SILK involves a smaller incision, potentially offering even faster recovery and fewer complications.

- Technology: Both utilize advanced femtosecond laser technology, though the specifics of the equipment and technique can vary【8†source】.

Eligibility and Considerations

To be eligible for SILK eye surgery, candidates should be over 18 years of age with a stable eye prescription for at least a year. The procedure is not recommended for individuals with certain eye conditions, such as keratoconus or significant retinal issues, and those with autoimmune diseases. Pregnant or lactating women are also advised against undergoing the procedure.

Before the surgery, candidates undergo a thorough eye examination to assess corneal health and determine the best course of action. Postoperative care involves the use of prescribed eye drops and avoiding strenuous activities for a short period.

Cost and Investment

The cost of SILK eye surgery can be higher than traditional LASIK or PRK, typically around INR 1,20,000. However, this investment is often justified by the long-term benefits, including the potential elimination of ongoing costs for glasses, contact lenses, and related eye care products.

Conclusion

SILK eye surgery is a groundbreaking option in the field of vision correction, offering a safer, faster, and more comfortable alternative to traditional methods. Its advanced technology and precision promise enhanced visual outcomes and a swift return to daily activities, making it an attractive choice for many seeking to improve their vision. As with any medical procedure, consulting with a qualified ophthalmologist to discuss individual needs and suitability is crucial.

#alshifa healthcare services #treatments #health & fitness #medical

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shingawaeye · 5 months

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ReLEx SMILE vs. LASIK: Advanced Vision Correction Technologies at Shinagawa Singapore

At Shinagawa Singapore, we offer both ReLEx SMILE and LASIK procedures, providing cutting-edge solutions for vision correction. Each technology has unique benefits tailored to different visual needs and lifestyles.

ReLEx SMILE is a minimally invasive procedure known for its quick recovery time and the ability to correct vision without creating a corneal flap. This makes it an excellent option for patients with higher prescriptions, thinner corneas, or those who engage in contact sports. SMILE involves a small incision through which lenticular tissue is removed, correcting refractive errors with minimal disruption to the corneal surface.

LASIK, on the other hand, is well-established and favored for its precision and versatility. It corrects a broad range of vision problems by creating a thin flap to reshape the cornea with an excimer laser. LASIK is renowned for its rapid visual recovery and high patient satisfaction.

Choosing between ReLEx SMILE and LASIK at Shinagawa Singapore depends on your specific vision requirements and personal preferences. Our expert team is here to guide you through the decision-making process, ensuring the best fit for your eyes and lifestyle. Visit our website to learn more about these innovative vision correction options.

#shinagawa #lasik cost #lasik surgery #lasik

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smileforeyes · 3 years

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prk vs lasik vs smile

The term "laser vision correction" refers to a group of eye procedures that involve reshaping your cornea using a laser in order to achieve clear vision. Get a Complete guide on PRK, LASIK & SMILE laser eye procedures, their benefits & comparison.

#prk Vs lasik Vs smile

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crispytimemachinecat · 3 years

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SMILE vs LASIK: Facts explaining which procedure is better and why?

A complete difference between LASIK vs SMILE surgery procedure. Find out how SMILE surgery is the most advanced technology & better than LASIK

#smile surgery #Lasik Surgery #smile vs Lasik

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exceleyeblog · 4 years

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#lasik surgeon Orange County #lasik orange county #SMILE vs LASIK #SMILE Relex vs LASIK #laser eye surgery Orange County #laser eye surgery Los Angeles

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sydneyvisionau · 3 years

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#David Robinson #Eye Surgeon

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kannan1520 · 3 years

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Which Suits You Best SMILE vs LASIK? Refractive error is the most common cause of decreased vision all over the world in all age groups. Spectacles as a mode of treatment have been there for long. Contact lenses are an option for those who can take care of them and are not comfortable with glasses. … Continue reading "Which Suits You Best SMILE vs LASIK?"

#smilevslasik #smilesurgery #lasik surgery

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mattamyers · 5 years

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My long journey of healing has continued

It’s been years since my last blog post. I’ve decided I will start to post a log of my days, when my mental energy allows, when I feel well or positive or organized enough to do so. I’m not sure how this practice will evolve, however I’m wanting to actively start sharing my story, where I’m at, so people can start to get to know me - and what my days are like, how my life is hopefully evolving, moving forward - as well as the difficulties I face daily. What’s changed most recently is that the last stem cell treatment I did in the Cayman Islands has improved my executive function and recovery time from activity more, where posting regularly of longer form text seems like a possibility now - at least in this fairly stream of consciousness, limited organizational executive function way. Unfortunately the post-LASIK eye pain (corneal neuralgia) has proved itself to be the mainstay of pain, causing the majority of the executive function disruption, dysfunction. Yes, I struggle dealing with a varying degree of severity of being suicidal. No, once I decide I can’t do this anymore then I will not be letting anyone know - I have already tried multiple times to get help in our healthcare system, to which I was exposed to what in the future will be considered barbaric care provided due to a number of factors, however heavily due to indoctrination and a lack of multidisciplinary understanding and care; as which as I hopefully am able to share, you will see highlighted in my multiyear effort to help save Taylor, a friend, save her from from the broken system and from herself and her coping mechanism, who is trapped in it due to the funnel toward hospitalization and under care of the non-multidisciplinary care of psychiatric doctors - where that profession somehow has been allowed to capture and have a monopoly on a person’s care even if physical symptoms play a primary role in their dis-ease; the system having allowed her dis-ease progression to continue over years - most recently seeing how inadequate and arguably negligent care provided by not only doctors who are in control of her during hospitalization but also by legal aid that was provided her.

I’m not inherently broken, I’m not clinically depressed. As I’ve healed myself further and follow holistic health practices I’ve strengthened my nervous system, and unfortunately that has only had the affect of allowing me to feel pain more clearly, sharply - in higher definition, resolution. I can still smile, have a conversation - story tell and reason. What’s difficult for people to understand is how the constant, strong pain that refers from my eyes (primarily right eye) affects and sensitizes my nervous system - how that is a constant battle that exhausts me mentally and causes my executive function to be greatly impaired as well - increasingly so with added stress, physical or emotional - and tied to that the more potential emotion or stress tied into a decision, with more complex decisions being worse or having a stronger aversion, the more difficult it is to move forward - to get past the pain. Most of my days, weeks, are full of frustrations, exhaustion, of reminders of where I am at and what my life is like - how stagnant it is. I do my best to be on a positive line of thought, to having and being able to hold onto hope - for my projects and toward finding a solution that may help me tolerate the eye pain by reducing it further.

If I can successfully rally my designer friends to be able to help focus me and to help move the presentation forward for my greater plans, my vision for a health-wellness differentiated ecosystem - and ultimately towards building a city to compete with the status quo - their help to develop and refine the plan, then they may give me enough hope to keep fighting through the eye pain until hopefully research finds a solution to heal it with stem cells, regenerative medicine.

January 29, 2020

8:35am

I’ve parked myself now at Balzac’s Ryerson. I took the bus and had three nice interactions on the way. The first was letting someone who was running for the bus and about to get an an almost crammed bus, that another bus was right behind. He thanked me and made sure I got on first. At the next stop a man was at the back doors which I was sitting behind, however no one was getting out - I tried to push the bars to open the door but the green lights weren’t on since the stop wasn’t requested. He thanked me, smiling as he walked towards me from the front. The final interaction was the man sitting next to me, who turned out to one a first year student at Ryerson in Urban and Regional Planning. He was reading a book by Jane Jacobs, which I asked if it was worth reading. I told him first that after high school I first went to Ryerson, in his current program, though filtered myself out after first year due to not seeing myself having that career for the next 40+ years; irony perhaps that all along I was developing necessary skills, knowledge, and experience toward creating my New City and New City model. Everyone else on the bus was relatively asleep, unengaged, unsocial.

8:50am

I hadn’t used my laptop much yesterday, except a little before bed and the screen at a distance - less than 5 minutes really. Today I’m already feeling the eye pain increasing significantly compared to what I felt anytime yesterday, and how much it’s distracting my thinking, mental organization.

9:05am

Since my last stem cell treatment in the Cayman Islands significantly healing in particular my cervical and lumbar spine, I can be more mobile and the pain is reduced enough where if I don’t completely overdo it, I can have some level of executive function to manage myself. However now I am able to experience this contrast of more mobility - which keeps me away from my laptop screen - with how strongly my laptop screen triggers the burning sensation, pain of my eyes (most noticeably my right eye) and its cascading symptoms of headache and fascial tension increasing in my body. My focusing ability is decreasing from where I started before being in front of my screen, however how far it will degrade compared to before, I am still getting used to - however I can feel a building mental exhaustion as I’m having to counter, push against the aversion caused by the increase of pain triggered by the laptop screen light.

9:21am

My right eye more easily wants to shut too, an autonomous guard mechanism to protect itself, compared to yesterday throughout most of the day.

9:50am

I have been wanting to focus on, direct my attention, to finishing - so I can conclude my attention - the past week, especially the last few days, of a very heavily emotional and stressful event where I’ve been trying my best to help save a close friend I’ve known for a few years - to save her from herself, and from our healthcare system that has been adequate and negligent in her care - and is currently hospitalized, again, where he disease progression has been able to worsen because of specific, narrow scope of psychiatric care ignoring the importance of body health — in Taylor’s case needing proper treatment - a safe container, environment - to treat gut, sensory disorder (hypersensitivity; autistic characteristic), and for

“The lesser of two evils” - sharing Taylor’s story from my observations vs. being afraid and not exposing the system with an actual real person, case study to reference in high detail from a narrow and holistic view - while respecting privacy and not exposing any identifiable details that only doctors or other people Taylor shared with could would be the “lesser of two evils” as Taylor likes to say; and hopefully everyone has the integrity and rigor to not share what they shouldn’t, particularly if bound by privacy laws.

10:28am

As the body pain, from walking the amount I have today - from house to closest TTC bus stop, from destination stop to cafe, and around cafe a bit to purchase tea, water refills, and bathroom break(s) - has been calming, desensitizing, localizing - I’m more clearly able to feel the tension and soreness referring from my right eye, down through my right ear, down back of my neck on right side, and so on. When I close my eyes, right eye in particular, the desensitizing, localization can start to unwind relatively quickly before compared to the Cayman Islands treatment - however the discomfort is still quite distracting. I am curious — and afraid to go to acupuncture again, which I went too a short bit before going to the Caymans - not having done acupuncture for at least 2 years — to see how strongly acupuncture now will clear as it does, and how strongly it leaves me specifically and clearly feeling the right eye pain as an intense burning, searing sensation - which last time lasted for 8 hours or so, that sensation only diminishing as my body re-sensitized and therefore masked out the perception of the eye pain; it makes me wonder if others who have done LASIK, if they had clearly flowing, non-stagnant energy to begin or even if doing acupuncture for long enough to open their energy flows up - would experience post-LASIK symptoms differently, more clearly than before opening their body up; similarly regarding Ayahuasca ceremonies, marijuana use, or other psychedelics.

I believe more now too that since the neck and jaw pain has been healed more - reducing the masking, allowing me to more clearly feel what’s going on in these sensitization vs. localization flows/cycles due to pain - that the right eye pain’s referring pain sensitizes (makes hypersensitive) the tissue on the right side of my jaw increases, the soreness, and pain increases - even with limited to no use from chewing food (I haven’t eaten yet today). The sensitization of my teeth seems more clear now too, which at the moment I can feel much more than when I first woke up this morning - in line with the jaw pain increasing too.

11am

I just stepped away to the bathroom to go pee. As I was sitting — something I’ve been doing for a long while because for a long time was too difficult to relax enough to pee standing, my body didn’t trust standing if more relaxed — I closed my eyes and let myself relax as much as I could. During this time I could start feeling muscles in my jaw and face on the right side fluttering, spasming some. I hadn’t felt the jaw muscles spasms, fluttering before, only muscles around and closer to my right eye that I could feel where that’d happen — something I haven’t actually written much about or maybe not even at all; it’s the muscles being able to start relaxing but still not quite able to, with the reduced constant pain of my eye being closed for that short period after sensitization.

I’m able to more easily notice, along side with the pattern cascading from the right eye pain when I open my eyes each morning, when sitting and trying to be in a more relaxed state, in slouching posture and using back of chair to rest again — that my neck still wants to go into a more back and to a right position — something that before I couldn’t as easily allow, because perhaps the guard mechanism pattern was pulling my neck back too strongly, from there being too much pain being referred; it’s possible that that guard mechanism is triggered, such as that if say a “present moment” injury to the eye was occurring — a good, natural quick, rapid action reflex, would be to pull your head back and away; it was only in the last few months that I started theorizing that, and now that I’ve continued to have substantial neck pain from injuries healed - I wonder 1 )how much is still due to remaining injury, 2) how much is due to old patterns that need time to trust the neck and surrounding tissues are safe (as they dance and slowly heal with physiotherapy etc), and 3) how much of that reflex is caused by the referring pain from my right eye?

12:22pm

I can feel that I’m still reconnecting to and slowly processing stress from the last week, the last few days. It’s good, very good that my body can start to processing things emotionally more easily again since last treatment even with a relatively higher amount of physical activity compared to before — but unfortunately still what that means — as to the reason why there was such resistance, difficult, aversion to emotion processing before — that I’m grounding, grinding into my body - with the friction of the aversion to remaining pain — and where the post-LASIK eye pain is still the primary contributor; I do wonder and theorize that there is an abnormal inflammatory response (perhaps EDS related or that causes similar symptoms of EDS) - whether in brain and/or body - that leads to a central sensitization affect [effect?] to cascade so strongly, and therefore that many people who has done LASIK don’t have the same level of severe symptoms.

1:06pm

Taylor just texted me again. I responded saying I didn’t need the fork and plastic container her mother took home to finish the food I brought Taylor to dine with her in the hospital on some quality food that would be safe for her - steak and kale, to get high calorie and nutrient dense food in her, in with what little she eats due to an aversion from years long untreated gut pain and nausea; I said I don’t care to spend the time, energy, or money to go to her mother’s to pick it up, and to take care.

Taylor continued to reply in her usual way which I won’t outline here. She communicates often by referencing songs for how she feels that she believes relates to the current situation. I took that opportunity to then respond in equal by saying the song that came to me was In the Arms of the Angel Sarah McLachlan - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pvf_OBuJVE - as well as to notify her I was blocking her phone number again, and that she can email me if she wants - however that I don’t know how often I will check it; long ago I started having to block her phone number at different points, and redirect her emails to automatically archive - so I don’t see them unless I search for her email, in order to protect myself from being triggered or pulled into what can emails or texts as bombardments to well-thought out pleads that she needs help - intelligent, and eloquent, and an expert seductress as one of her coping mechanisms to bring in various qualities of support, company, as a means to distract herself; always as her most desperate, in her darkest hours, has she consciously and even once subconsciously (where her ego mind boundaries and controls for respecting someone else’ wishes to not contact me through phone directly getting superseded by a short-circuiting of sorts due to how degraded, ungrounded, destabilized her thinking has become — reached out to me again with a different phone number; this has happened 6+ times over the last 2+ years — where I learn more, understand her patterns, and how deeply the inadequate care goes with her recurring hospitalizations into psychiatric care over these years as well.

To be fair, it only feels right to share: my voluntarily hospitalization December 2017 is when I first met her in hospital. I had been struggling for over a year at that point with debilitating pain that severely fucked up my executive function. My decision making, mental organization, emotional processing — and in general anything related to thinking about moving forward — the planning triggering a slight stress as a preparation into the body readying to actually move, causing an aversion due to even thought about moving forward/organization of future — was extremely difficult. The only coping that worked was greatly limiting my activity every day, reducing any possible irritants from diet as much as possible, and usually I’d keep my right eye closed for up to hours every morning after waking up to slow how quickly the post-LASIK eye pain would ramp up and sensitize the rest of my body and its pain, making it hypersensitive to pain. That day in 2017 I knew if I had gone home I would have taken my life, having desperately struggled for around a year by that point to find support to help me with tasks - with organizing, planning — for basic things as well as for finding somewhere to do more stem cell treatments (longer story I won’t share now), with more complex tasks with more steps being more difficult, a stronger aversion, towards acting including on how much emotion would be surrounding or behind the decision or action that needed to be taken.

1:33pm

I’m sitting by the door at Balzac’s - was only window seat available when I arrived. I just got a chill that reminded me that a few nights ago while laying in bed ready to fall asleep, my whole body - both right and left side together, shook in a wave as my body reacted to warm up a bit; I had never experienced or perceived that feeling before, at least not that clearly or in such high definition.

1:40pm

I finally checked a voicemail someone left. It was an automated call to confirm — a 2nd time — for an endocrinology appointment I have coming up to test my hormone levels; another long story to outline the stupidity of understanding this may be a cause to the fatigue I experience or then towards actual diagnosis.

2:04pm

I just went pee again. Relaxed sitting position, closed my eyes, the face muscle fluttering started again. I tried this time instead to do some alternate nostril-breathing (with thumb/pinky to physically block each nostril) to see if it would help - and it did seem to help whatever energy was struggling to flow, to pass, to flow; https://www.healthline.com/health/alternate-nostril-breathing

The amplified symptoms I’ve experienced has lead me to re-realize that the body relaxing more easily while having the eyes closed is natural, a mechanism whereby once your eyes are open — tense your body and fascia for movement, and presumably when your eyes are closed, start to relax your fascia — which at length is during sleep, when you want your body and tissues to be as open as possible for best blood and other fluid flow to be as unrestricted as possible; inflammation is linked to Alzheimers-Dementia as channels in brain that want to open during sleep to clear toxins, waste, efficiently — can’t, it’s easy to conclude that similar dis-ease can progress in the body for rest of the tissues in brain, and where dis-ease state could progress quickly if an overall unhealthy system is already at its tolerance of regenerating, regulating immune system for clearing the body of cancer, etc.

January 30, 2020

Summary of yesterday:

I am roughly transcribing this from an audio recording I made before getting out of bed. I’ve done that a lot over this last year, it’s allowed me to share without getting out of bed agitating the pain, without opening my right eye or having my left eye open much except for initially recording. A friend awhile ago suggested setting up voice activated recording - I just haven’t been able to focus enough, direct myself to that task, with everything else going on; it would help but obviously I do need to open both my eyes at some point during the day anyway, and even if I don’t open them, if I become active with thinking just the movement of my eyes with my eyelids closed increasingly agitates and increases the pain from the eyes anyway.

All I want to finish with saying is to say that what Taylor is going through, it exposes many things that are wrong with our system. I won’t begin to go into the detail here, however I have written much and will continue to clarify and evolve my understanding, write the story, in hopes of saving Taylor and anyone else who is hurt more and left suffering longer by the system; the doctor kept her hospitalized, was forcing a tribunal on her where he’d present a case to force medication on her she doesn’t want (meanwhile after multiple hospitalizations over the years they still ignore and don’t treat her gut pain, nausea - nor care to understand its consequences - nor are they or do they provide safe food for her, nor do they manage and control to only provide food that is part of helping stabilize her). The largest failure is that somehow the field of psychiatry has been given a monopoly on care when mental health is involved - allowing non-multidisciplinary care to continue.

I will leave you with a video to show the new hope coming for all in the near future, that Presidential candidate Andrew Yang tweeted - saying it was the greatest video he’s ever seen: https://twitter.com/AndrewYang/status/1222736120930295808

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7crf0mzhws

10:22am

I finally got frustrated enough to return a phone call to book an echocardiogram. It seemed now that the pain is lower, allowing the frustration to build was easier — and then I could turn that into action much easier than prior to the Cayman Islands treatment. Making this call was a relatively low stress, unloaded decision toward action - compared to say the reason behind and how loaded making an appointment requiring a trip to an eye specialist, researcher in Boston, who I was recommended to make an appointment with - that has a lot of weight, resistance behind it - which I won’t go into reasoning for, having stopped me so far from booking an appointment with him.

Why I need an echocardiogram is part of determining a possible diagnosis of EDS — “Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) is a disease that weakens the connective tissues of your body. These are things like tendons and ligaments that hold parts of your body together. EDS can make your joints loose and your skin thin and easily bruised. It also can weaken blood vessels and organs.” It seems I have enough symptoms that it’s possible I do. There were two people that suggested it — a person online I briefly messaged with, and then one of the doctors at the stem cell clinics — whereby they were trying to help me problem solve why I report a much higher pain for tissue damage, some of which they can see in imaging, however that I report more highly than they’d expect. I will eventually write in detail about this.

I just realized, as part of an experiment, that reading along while I type helps keep my mind focused, on track, for what I’m writing about — noticing that trying to think to allow fluid flow of thought to continue if not looking could work — simply trying to remember what I just said in order to continue typing without looking — is at least impossible for me at this point, maybe a skill that can be developed or not; it wouldn’t be a useful skill unless someone like me was trying to problem solve how to find ways to reduce the issues related to the post-LASIK pain, some of which I theorize in part has to do — gets triggered more with use of the eyes, the surface and tension changes of the eye has focal distance (and other) changes, from near to far, etc.

11:04am

I think paying to have a space for me to work, a cowering space, would be good for me socially - outside of my current primary destination to be around people, busyness, distractions of Balzac’s cafe. I was reminded, had memories arise, a few weeks ago when I was in a Lyft shared ride that ended up going down around the Queen and Spadina area. I was reminded of the time spent in a coworking space I started working out of with my then new girlfriend and business partner I brought into helping me with I Live Yoga - in particular with outreach and support. Along with the memories were the feelings of good experiences that were able to make it up through the new level of reduced pain from my last stem cell treatment. It made me think at the time that I’d like to get back to that place. At the time I was still unsure, doubtful if I’d ever be able to get there, get back to the point where Anastasia and I were excited about life, in a good routine, working and passionate about a project we both loved — and that was ready to start scaling; my physical pain had started to become too much for me to handle however, and though I struggled to keep things going, at one point I had to give up — let go. The relationship with Anastasia ended and psychologically it was very difficult to let my “baby” go — as is often referred to as an entrepreneur’s project — especially since for at least a year I was using the project as a mental distraction, focus for the pain. I kept trying and essentially being reminded that it was too hard, and then making bad decisions. Ultimately it was the last try two big attempts to keep ILY alive and moving forward, to find to find good, capable people to move ILY forward without much guidance from me were: 1) attempted to hire someone to takeover Anastasia’s role of outreach and support, and 2) hire a local designer — who ultimately took $5,000 from me, an initial deposit out of a first section of work worth $10,000, and ended up doing barely any work. I will eventually write in more detail about this: I will name her as well as a consequence of consequences that lasting forever — karma — until they are righted, or ignored, and then light can be shone for those who pay attention to me — highlighting that this is how this person conducts themselves. These consequences, bad, hurtful behaviour lacking integrity or simply exposing unskilled or underdeveloped behaviour — where a point of learning is the opportunity presenting itself, if only for a safe container was present to allow it. This karma, consequences, trickle through time — allowing for multi-generation dis-ease progression in all aspects of life. Karma is still playing out and trickling through society, our energies, frequencies, decisions — from major suffering and events such as Nazi Germany and every new suffering starts a new ripple that will all need to be addressed. It must all be addressed by individuals. This allows for healing to happen in a decentralized manner — and allows for people at different parts of dis-ease or on path towards healing, enlightenment — being enlightened, developing understanding and compassion — and so even those who may be repressed in places like China, the light will make it through the cracks — which all rigid containers will increasingly have as pressure mounts; whether that is your ego mind’s control, guard of “protecting” you from fear/trauma and scarcity mindset, or a nation state who wants to contain what knowledge and information is spreading; these are both a condition, a dis-ease state, a symptom of ego mind’s greed and control going unchecked within oneself.

When I have kept my movement and activity greatly limited as I still must, I am able likewise to get glimpses and enjoyment at the thought for a goal I had roughly a decade ago: to be leading yoga classes, to further develop my own yoga practice and to guide others to teach them what I learned — also developing my own skill of speaking and holding space while actively guiding people in the present moment.

Someday I’d like to find and be able to afford, and be able to handle the added activity of going to (or perhaps they could travel to me?), singing lessons — so I can improve, develop my voice, for a growing list playlist that I’ve entitled New Life that I’ve been building mostly for motivation, a reminder that I at times have played multiple times daily as a distraction from the pain.

I’d also like to learn basketball, so if I ever decide it necessary to run for Prime Minister of Canada to get Canada on course, then I’d challenge current Presidential candidate Andrew Yang to - and kick his ass - in a game of basketball; a more physical activity that I may never be able to do again however — so I’ll just have to enjoy the thought of being able to hangout with Yang.

11:41am

I still have strong emotional resistance (PTS) to diving into and finishing an update reply for Dr. Trotter on behalf of Taylor. I don’t know if I will get to it today - there’s ultimately no real rush as she’s in hospital and he only returns from vacation a week from now. I need to recover further and be in the healthiest, low activity level, routine again for at least a few days before I will be able to approach the task again.

11:47am

I can quite clearly now feel, notice, that while I have been wearing my reading glasses when writing and on my laptop — I just picked up my phone and was looking, writing some texts, and as I did so — with the straining or even just putting things into focus, that the eye pain very clearly increased as I was doing so; this to me confirms to me, a theory I’ve had over these years especially when my pain level was much higher, that the post-LASIK pain has created an aversion to my eyes working properly, normally, a resistance to changing focal points (as part of the symptoms, part of it disrupting autonomous function including tearing, moisturizing, of the eyes — that LASIK has been successful in dumbing down, minimizing, their #1 symptom of “dry eye syndrome” as something you can just use moisturizing drops as the solution to it); te regulatory capture and unquestioned loyalty or review by the industry and professionals in the field, incentivized by profits, is disturbing - and one of many issues that society must actively become better acknowledging — identifying, studying, paying attention to in order to develop industry-wide critical thinking in all practitioners involved.

1:21pm

I’m starting to allow myself again to checkout attractive women. I guess I’m ready to experiment again to see if the reduced pressure on my nervous system allows me better to manage sexual energy building, and unfolding as that does into emotions and managing of relationships of more potential intensity, emotionally and physical activity wise. Maybe I will start playing with the idea of dating again, making plans with potential partners; an “exciting” idea however one I have had to drop previously the last few attempts due to the pain level still being too high.

1:34pm

I decided I may fast today. That would allow me to — after being tired and mentally exhausted from Balzac’s — to go to Bampot Teahouse and hopefully stay there for a few more hours before I’d otherwise be hungry. It’d also help to more quickly clear the inflammation I caused from the sugar/junk I ate yesterday. If I do this I’ll take the probiotic tonight at minimum.

1:50pm

My body energy is quite low at the moment though — primarily I think as I’m likely out of a ketogenic state, so it might be a good idea to eat something tonight to let my body recover faster anyway.

January 31, 2020

Summary of yesterday:

The day that had become positive, later in the day, after my mental energy being exhausted - grounding me into my body and the pain, the eye pain - knocked me back down to reality again. I can’t date. The exciting ideas or plans for ideas are fantasy. I was reminded that even if I have a very productive or positive day then the next few days when my mental energy is lower, it’s more difficult to impossible to concentrate enough to distract myself from the pain. This last stem cell treatment, as predicted as the pattern has continued, allowed me to feel the eye pain more clearly, feel how it cascades and refer down my body more easily.

I don’t know how I am even going to afford my own cost of living soon, let alone the idea of paying additionally to have a coworking space to work out - as an alternate to Balzac’s cafe that I am bored of going to so often, for so long. And I still don’t have a routine that makes life tolerable. Streaming at night can be nice, however it is mentally exhausting itself. The Joe Rogan style podcast I had thought could be a nice thing to do to socialized, meet people, and chat regularly hasn’t gotten setup and I wouldn’t be able to organize and manage it anyway. Likewise the money I’ve had to spend on stem cell treatments and will continue to need to spend indefinitely on unknown future diagnostics or future treatments is money that originally I had wanted to use to move my projects forward. Ideally I could raise $420k to hire contract workers to help me finish designs and specifications to then find developers to get estimates from - but developing a presentation and putting in the ground work to reaching out, meeting with, family offices to get them onboard and convince them of my plan: $420k, $4.2mm, $42mm rounds and sharing a high detailed plan for each along with an executive summary - the presentation itself will be difficult for me to compile, and then the ground work, leg work necessary, will certainly be too difficult for me due to the highly limited activity I must maintain in order to have more than less tolerable days.

Feb 2, 2020

Summary of yesterday:

I was planning originally to make a “summary of yesterday” - yesterday, but it didn’t happen. It was overall a bad day to which I was just waiting for 4pm when two designer friends, Akshay and Salar, were supposed to come over. They eventually made their way to me around 6pm. It was or wasn’t a very productive meeting. The purpose was to try to help onboard their help so I can try to move my projects forward, in part to decide a path, a strategy for what to focus on - for where they could help me and for where I could try to focus and use my limited mental energy to hopefully guide them towards helping move things forward at a pace that allows me hope.

I don’t know how much to share from the meeting. I don’t want to get lost, summarizing points from last night - of which there are two recordings of to hopefully review at some point for reminders, lost in that my mental focus gets spent where I can no longer conclude this to a point where I am “comfortable” publishing it - where I don’t concern myself of sharing “too much” that leads me to wanting to expand on what I mean, without having to continue a thought by injecting a relatable quote like “first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win” for how grandeur my vision has evolved to; Gandhi, and as you may be able to tell, I like and tend towards being thorough - it’s a challenge until it will become a gift.

Feb 4, 2020

The hardest part to sharing my experience is that when it is most difficult it is most difficult to share about the difficulty. And perhaps as a natural fail-safe prevention mechanism, if I am to pass there are certain things I want left a certain way, however completing them, organizing them with how difficult the pain already disables me from doing so easily is even worse when I have lost hope and am struggling and too stuck in the pain, and so the final 3 or 4 things I hope to have organized before I go haven’t really been able to get done. I am at the point now where I will just let go and forgive myself for not articulating what should be to expose certain fights for what is wrong in systems in society.

I just got 1 of 5 things done - sent an email as final attempt to try to find someone trustworthy to help my mom finish her house so she has a peaceful place for retirement. 2 of 5 will be posting this. 3 of 5 will be emailing a naturopath with an update re: Taylor although I am no longer hopeful she will have a container that will actually lead her to problem solving her issues, so unlikely anything will come from it. 4 of 5 will be briefly updating long form version of Taylor story. 5 of 5 is trying to compile what I can about the post-LASIK eye pain, what I have tried to heal my body including the eye pain, and how the eye pain has remained the constant and the majority cause of the executive function troubles I have - as has become more and more obvious as I have healed significant pain in the rest of my body nearing having likely more than 10 stem cell treatments now over the last 3+ years; something I would hope to share with the Boston eye doctor/researcher, with the lawyer who filed the Canadian class action lawsuit against LASIK and the doctor who did my surgeries, and in general for the community in general and perhaps the “Lasik Complications Support Group” on Facebook - so maybe anything that I tried would give them insight into what might help them or perhaps help problem solve a solution.

Aside from trying to get these final 5 things written, I no longer am going to attempt to write anything regarding to who would get my business projects, life’s work - Elon Musk and Dr. Jordan Peterson can share ownership if either of them wants my domains, designs, what I’ve written and so on; likely not because they are compiled well enough to transfer - though they would together both be most competent at understanding the ecosystem of platforms, holistic scale, and multidisciplinary health-wellness approach of my plans. I also no longer am going to attempt to fill out a form that is prerequisite to trying MDMA-assisted psychotherapy - a hope I had that maybe it would reduce stress in my body enough to make the pain more tolerable, however I am quite certain it is the ongoing, constant, trauma from the eye pain - though certainly it has made these past years also full of trauma. I am just trying to get myself to an appointment Feb 19th to try AmbioDisk for my right eye, and then to get to 2 more stem cell treatments in San Francisco - however it is difficult to even bother trying to hold on to get to those because the AmbioDisk, if my eye can tolerate it, will only help while wearing it - and it will be a brutal, impossibly strong reminder once I have to expose my eye to air again, and the stem cell treatments though they will reduce pain in my body again - that, as every other time as resulted in, will result in my just feeling the eye pain more clearly, and how it refers out and sensitizes my body.

Feb 5, 2020

One reason I don’t want to actually post this is due to the large amount of explanation that hasn’t happened, describing everything I have tried, all the failures of our healthcare system - especially our “mental health” system - and still where no one has offered me an opiate prescription, so aside from having taken them post stem cell treatments for a few days - I don’t know if long-term it would make the pain and limited function tolerable enough to not constantly be struggling. Having, trying to explain over and over and over again over the years to different doctors, answering the same line of questions over and over and over again - never really getting much deeper into actually problem solving or trying to provide treatment options that may help. I am just done with this Canadian health “care” system - no one is going to know the true extent of incompetence, how broken it is, I don’t see myself being around to write about it. I will try to post the “Saving Taylor” post and update so there is a public record of it, 100% chance it won’t change anything unless someone actively pushes for investigation and change for oversight and accountability.

This is how much I normally struggle, at least 50% of the time I am trying to dredge at the bottom, where it’s dark - but regardless of how well I stick to a routine, to limiting my activity, to eating cleanly, to optimizing to have mental energy to counter the physical pain - to counter the disruption from the eye pain and the executive dysfunction it causes, the baseline dysfunction caused by the eye pain hasn’t improved in years, there is no routine or baseline that is tolerable; the two times the eye pain did permanently improve some with each treatment - first with autologous serum eye drops and then ProKera I did for each eye - the noticeable permanent reduction still wasn’t significant enough; and temporarily the Scleral lenses to be worn for only periods throughout the day, the dramatic executive function improvement I had with them, was impossible to maintain with that relief and function improvement contrasted each day at the end of the day when I had to re-expose my eyes to the air, triggering the pain again fully, and rapidly experiencing the cascading of symptoms - the mental disruption and the tension, sensitization, referring and building through my body; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scleral_lens

The other up to 50% is when I am delusional enough with hope, optimism, waiting for the next “big” stem cell treatment - in fantasy once tricking myself again that maybe this next healing will be different than the previous ones: where maybe my nervous system will reach a tipping point where the impact of the eye pain will greatly diminish due to enough pressure, pain, being removed from my nervous system. It never has happened though. This is where I am in a routine where I am not yet again bored of rotating through different social media sites - Twitter, Reddit - along with some other technology-related news sites, forums. This is when I am not yet completely bored of distracting myself with watching streamers on Twitch or watching YouTube videos. Days when I am in a routine and in a positive enough mood to enjoy and try to engage socially, in a routine going to Balzac’s cafe - taking a Lyft shared ride there and home again. The problem is nothing can actually move forward from this routine and routine itself is flawed in that boredom exists and that routine can’t really change due to the limitations the pain keeps me within; I can go out for stimulation, people watching, but there’s no gain in “teasing” myself if letting myself notice attractive women - teasing myself by allowing myself to think about dating or sex or anything nice, any of the creature comforts that come from relationships of various depths or intensity.

Cost is another factor. The money I have access to currently won’t last forever - and even if appointments like acupuncture or osteopathy would net positive, which I’m still not sure they are which I won’t explain here - at the moment when mostly going to those appointments via public transit, that amount of activity - the additional physical stress on my body on top of the stress the eye pain constantly applies, certainly counters most of the benefit from those appointments; likewise, acupuncture which I only did 3 or 4 weeks ago, and hadn’t done it for likely 2 years prior, allowed me to just feel my right eye pain as strongly and as clearly as I had ever been able to feel it - a strong, searing, burning sensation over the whole cornea that lastly as strongly for the next 8 hours - that searing sensation only diminishing as it slowly sensitized the rest of my body, just meaning it prevented me from properly perceiving it - but not reducing the executive dysfunction symptom. If I am in the better side of the difficult cycle then I regularly, daily, listen to my “New Life” play list - and often listen through the more somber but pleasant Jardim album by Rainer Scheurenbrandt; https://rainerscheurenbrand.bandcamp.com/album/jardim

I’ve written so many times about this pattern over the years, I hate writing about it now too - and why I am now struggling to even bother trying to get myself to a Boston eye doctor/research I was suggested to go to - however after the effort and cost of traveling to Boston, the being out of routine to not look forward to causing additional turbulence in my life the following 3-4 days, and after the $1300 USD cost, just starting cost, there is near 100% chance that no insights nor new treatment option that will come of it; it seems that I also know of stem cell research being conducted in the US that the main plaintiff in the Canadian class action lawsuit doesn’t know about, therefore nor does the lawyer, and likely also not this Boston eye doctor/researcher the plaintiff recommended I see - I’m guessing they don’t know about the mice/rat research from years ago either, the results of are which the human trials are being fast tracked in India; turns out the plaintiff who recommended me to see the Boston eye doctor/researcher hasn’t even gone to see him himself.

There has just been no point in continuing with trying to keep myself positive, optimistic - for as difficult as it is - once I am “flying” in it well enough, life can’t improve - relationships can’t evolve, I can’t move forward more in life. There’s been no point when letting myself mentally get excited about my projects or ideas to fix all of these broken systems - it just causes there to be more pressure, a stronger aversion to fight against, the pain to fight more strongly against - and trying to use executive function to try to move those ideas forward in any capacity, just the attempt adding pressure/stress - and then the potential consequences of trying to find others or spending money to hire others to do an uncertain but large amount of work necessary, is a lot - and certainly more than I am reasonably capable of handling, and even if I had the financial resources to hire and manage a team to do the work - managing would likely be too stressful as well; https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21885586

I’ve tried twice now from different places in the last 8 months to get a referral for someone to speak to to see if the pain having been reduced as much as it has, if there was any value in talk therapy. Still haven’t heard anything back re: an appointment - though I was doubtful anyway that the physical cost of going to the appointment would result in net benefit anyhow.

And there’s nothing more I can do to help Taylor - the system isn’t going to be able to hold the safe container she needs - other than trying to send an update to her naturopath re: trying to problem solve her gut pain and nausea (that psychiatric doctors haven’t cared about nor understood the dis-ease progression consequences of for years), so I don’t have that hope or drive for effort to try to distract myself with any longer either; I don’t understand how psychiatry got a monopoly on hospitalizations, not only a monopoly but an exclusionary monopoly - where there's no requirement to work with other fields/disciplines, how isn't this considered or acknowledged to be neglectful by default, by design?

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gokobald · 5 years

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Öncelikle herkese merhaba. Umarım bu yazıyı okuyan herkes kendince faydalı bilgiler bulur ve sağlığına kavuşur. Gözlük kullanmak, kontakt lens kullanmak hakikaten zor. Uzun seneler boyunca gözlük kullanmış ve bundan BIKMIŞ biri olarak uzun zaman önce yaptırmış olduğum lazer göz ameliyatı ile ilgili bilgiler paylaşmak istedim. Amacım herkes için kısa bir referans olabilmek. Yazıda 8 yıl önce yaptırdığım Lazer Göz Ameliyatı hakkında bir ön değerlendirme ve tavsiyeler yer alacak.

Yıllar boyunca düzgün bir güneş gözlüğü kullanamamış, yağmurda doyasıya yürüyememiş, istediği gibi özgürce ve performanslı bir şekilde spor yapamamış biri olarak lazer göz ameliyatını herkese tavsiye ediyorum. Lazer Göz Ameliyatı yada halk arasında daha çok kullanılan adıyla "Göz Çizdirme" ameliyatı olmadan önce bende çok fazla araştırma yaptım. İnternetten olsun, çevremde Lazer Göz Ameliyatı yaptırmış arkadaşlarım olsun birçok insana danıştım, bilgi aldım ve baya baya konu hakkında detayları öğrendim. Neticede göz, ihmale şakaya gelmez. Öncelikle şunu söylemeliyim araştırma, soruşturma aşamalarında bana bir sürü kişi "yaptırma kör olursun, neden doktorlar gözlük takıyor, neden göz doktorları lazer olmuyor…vs falan filan" bir sürü laf, söz söylediler. Korku ortamı yaratmak konusunda bizim insanımızdan daha iyisi yok. Yaklaşık 8 sene önce bu ameliyatı yaptırmış biri olarak söyleyebilirim ki, İYİ Kİ YAPTIRMIŞIM, İYİ Kİ YAPTIRMIŞIM, İYİ Kİ YAPTIRMIŞIM. Kesinlikle korkacak birşey yok. Bence "Felaket Tellallarına" (ki bu benim kişisel görüşüm ve bazı insanlar maalesef yapıları gereği böyle) fazla kulak asmayın derim. Tabi bu benim şahsi fikrim. Memnun olmayanlarda olabilir ancak işinin ehli bir doktor ve kurum tarafından uygulandığı taktirde lazer göz ameliyatı ile kişiler gözlük ve kontakt lensten kurtulabilir. Doktorunuz tecrübeli ve işini iyi biliyorsa, hastane iyi bir hastaneyse, kullanılan ekipmanlar ve lazer aleti günümüz teknolojisinin gerisinde değilse kesinlikle memnun kalmamanız gibi bir olasılık yok diyebilirim. Tüm bu özelliklere sahip doktorları ve hastaneyi nerede bulacağız derseniz; onuda yazının sonunda söyleyeyim.

Merak edenler için özetlemek gerekirse genel olarak kullanılan alet ve lazerden daha çok, kornea tabakasına uygulanan işlem bu lazer operasyonlarının adlarını ve farklarını oluşturuyor. Benim bildiğim teknikler Relex Smile, Lasik, Excimer Lazer, PRK NoTouch, WaveFront, Femto Lasik, Lazer Presbyond… Ben Araştırma yaparken ençok bu teknikler karşıma çıktı ve yaptıran birçok kişininde bu tekniklerle ameliyat olduğunu gördüm. Bazı teknikler uzak görüş kusurlarının düzeltilmesinde, bazıları yakın görüş kusurlarının düzeltilmesinde, bazıları da uzak, yakın ve astigmat tedavisinde kullanılıyor.

Biraz açıklama olması için size şöyle anlatayım. Mesela korneada kapak (Flep) kaldırılmadığında PRK, No Touch, korneada küçük bir kapak kaldırıldığında Excimer Lazer, Lasik (Bu teknik 2. nesil, ben bu teknikle tedavi oldum), korneada küçük kapakçık kaldırılmadan mikro bir kesi ile uygulandığında Relex Smile (Bu Teknik 3. nesil, Ben yaptırırken olsaydı Benim tercihim bu olurdu) olarak adlandırılıyorlar.

Kimi teknikte uzak, yakın ve astigmat düzeltilebilirken kimi teknikle presbiyopi, yakın görüş kusurları tedavi edilebilmekte. Sizin göz rahatsızlığınız, görüş kusurunuz ne ise ona göre bir teknik belirleniyor. Çok detaylı bir göz muayenesi ve yapılan ölçümlerin ardından ameliyatınız için gereken tüm veriler derleniyor ve doktor tarafından uygulanacak tekniğe karar veriliyor.

Tüm tekniklerin avantaj ve dezavantajları mevcut. Bazı teknikler ince kornealı bireylere uygulanamamakta, onun yerine Uzman göz Hekiminiz sizin için en uygun lazer göz ameliyatını seçmekte ve başka teknikler devreye girmekte. Bu konuda ben doktoruma güvendim ve bence de benim durumum ve göz yapım için en iyi teknik uygulandı (Lasik). Bu konuda çok memnunum. Ben ameliyatı olduğumun ertesi günü cam gibi görmeye başladım, doktorumun bana verdiği damlaları aksatmadan kullandım ve süper hızlı bir şekilde iyileştim diyebilirim. Ameliyatın ertesi günü uyanır uyanmaz balkona koşup uzaklara bakıyordum ve görebildiğim her şeyi ilk okuma öğrenen çocuklar gibi okumaya çalışıyordum. O gün ki mutluluğumu anlatamam. Artık mükemmel keskinlikte görüyorum. Aradan 8 sene geçti halen bir bozulma yada görüş kaybı yaşamadım. Bu konuda araştırdıkça gördüm ki en iyi hekimler, teknik ve uygulama yapılan yer bence İzmir'deki hastaneler. Lazer göz ameliyatları konusunda yurtdışından birçok hastanın da tercih ettiği hastaneler İzmir'de. Hatta ben ameliyat sonrası kontrol için gittiğim gün Londra'da bir kliniğe girdiğimi sandım. Bu turist kafilesi ne alaka derken öğrendim ki, o gün İngiltere'den gelen bir çok yabancı hastanın ameliyatı yapılacakmış.

Gelelim Lazer Göz Ameliyatı Olacaklara Tavsiyeler kısmına. Araştırın, sorun, soruşturun ve kendinize göre içinize en çok sinen yere karar verin ancak ben Lazer Göz Ameliyatı Olacaklara Bu Cerrahi Tıp Merkezini Öneriyorum : Net Göz Cerrahi Tıp Merkezi

Şimdi biraz reklam yapacağım ama inanın hak ediyorlar... Netgöz Cerrahi Tıp Merkezi için diyebilirim ki kesinlikle pişman olmayacağınızı düşünüyorum. Ameliyat öncesi bilgilendirmeler, yapılan ileri tetkikler, doktorların tecrübesi, her açıdan mükemmel. Benim gibi araştırmacı ve titiz birine o kadar güzel anlattılar, o kadar güzel ilgilendiler ve korkularımı bertaraf ettiler ki anlatamam. Kafamda tek bir şüphe kalmadan, doktoruma, hastaneye ve personele(ki bence çok önemli, yardımcı olan personel çok ilgiliydi ve insana rahatlık veren, işini iyi yapan elemanlardı) tamamen güven duyarak ameliyat masasına yattım.

Bu arada benim teknikleri araştırırken esas olarak faydalandığım site: Lazer Göz Ameliyatı. Lazer Göz Ameliyatı konusunda aklınıza takılanları ve tüm teknikleri tek bir sitede derlemişler girip incelemenizi tavsiye ederim : http://www.lazergozameliyati.com

Sağlıklı net bir görüş kazanmanız, gözlüklerinizden ve kontakt lenslerinizden kurtulmanız dileğiyle.

ENGLISH TEXT Hello everybody. I’d like to share my laser eye surgery experience which I had a long time ago and give some helpful insight for people who are fed up with using eyeglasses. I will write about my preliminary assessments and try to give some recommendations to people thinking about getting a Laser Eye Surgery as I had 8 years ago. I recommend laser eye surgery to anyone who can’t use normal sunglasses, to the ones who can’t take a walk on rainy days and I specifically recommend ReLEX SMILE laser eye surgery to people who cannot freely involve in sports activities because of their prescription glasses. Before having my Laser eye surgery, also called excimer laser operation, I did an extensive research on the internet and I talked to people who had laser eye surgery. I learned many details on the subject. The reason was simply it being my eye, it is no joke.

Some people told me not to have this surgery, they said: “you may go blind, look around and you will see most of the eye doctors use eyeglasses, they don’t get the operation themselves”. People are really good at scaring and discouraging others. As someone who had this surgery 8 years ago, I now think the good thing I didn’t listen to those discouraging people. There is no reason to be afraid of getting laser eye surgery. Don’t listen to those calamity howlers. This is my personal opinion. There might be people out there who are not happy with their laser eye surgeries. I personally think that if you have the surgery done by an experienced surgeon who uses state of the art technology you will happily say goodbye to your eyeglasses and contact lenses. For you who are asking where to find the right doctors and the right clinic to have your laser eye operation, I will tell this at the end.

There is a variety of methods of Laser Eye Surgery all named depending on the procedure performed on the cornea of the eye. As far as I know, these methods are named; ReLEX SMILE, Lasik, Femto-Lasik, Laser Presbyond, Excimer Laser, PRK No-Touch, Wavefront.. These are the names that I came across during my research. And I found out that people had either one of these methods. Some of these technics are for correcting myopia and some for presbyopia, and some for correcting farsightedness and astigmatism.

For example, if the surgeon finds it necessary he does the surgery without opening a flap on the cornea and this is called PRK, No Touch. If a flap is created on the cornea it is called Excimer Laser, LASIK. (They call this the second generation, and this was the procedure eye had) And if the surgeon does the operation through a very small opening which they call the keyhole it is called ReLEX SMILE (This is the third generation of laser eye surgery, I would have chosen this method if it were available at the time of my surgery, because it is a minimally invasive method of surgery which heal much quicker) Generally, the surgeon help determine the right method of the surgery depending on your personal needs. A good eye clinic takes you through a series of detailed tests and measurements. And you are offered a tailor-made treatment which is best for you.

All treatment methods have advantages and disadvantages. Some methods are not applicable to people with a thin cornea. It is best to let the surgeon make the decision to choose the best method for you. This was what I did, I trusted the surgeon and respected his choice of method. The very next day after the surgery I was able to see crisp clear. I used the eye drops which the doctor prescribed punctually. The healing was super-fast. The first morning after the surgery I rushed to the window of my apartment and looking at a distance I was able to see clearly without glasses and I was reading everything with the passion of a child who just learned to read. I cannot find the right words to describe how happy I was. After 8 years now I can still see perfectly without glasses. With all the research and my personal experience, I can say the eye surgery clinics in Izmir are the best with their experienced team of surgeons and the technology they use. Many patients from abroad choose Izmir eye surgery clinics. The day after my surgery I had a post-surgery examination and when I arrived at the clinic, I thought I was at a clinic in London. Everyone was speaking in English. To my surprise I found out that there was a group of people from the UK, visiting to have their laser eye surgeries.

My final recommendation to those thinking about getting laser eye surgery is that they should do extensive research, ask questions and then choose the right clinic to have the surgery. After my satisfying and successful experience, I would recommend eyesurgeryclinic.co and Net Göz Cerrahi Tıp Merkezi This will be a choice you won’t regret. The satisfactory explanations they make, the doctors’ experience make you feel comfortable. Even when I got down to the nitty and gritty of the matter, they were patiently answering all my questions which really helped me to relax and trust them. All the staff were very helpful, they all did a very good job.

One of the websites I used to do my research on the methods of laser eye surgery, which clearly explains all different methods of eye surgery was http://www.eyesurgeryclinic.co and https://www.netgoz.net I strongly recommend you visit this website and read for yourselves.

I wish you all a healthy and clear vision and say goodbye to your prescription glasses and contacts.

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