#leafnotes

[neverglory]

Updates.

Hello past, present, and future me.

I think we'll be okay.

Tomorrow I begin taking a new medication, though I fear the wait it will take for it to fully work.

But then again, the placebo effect is a powerful thing.

DnD? That's going very well. You're enjoying your fellow players and continuing to stay humble.

A lot of your anger and hatred comes from hyperfocusing. You're working on that and as a result, you're handling things a bit better. Be sure to not indulge in your sadness, even if it is justified (you know how you far you take things).

We're still not quite sure if you have ADHD, but we are on the right path for an assessment. We have to wait and see how this medication works, as well as consider signing up for IOP.

As of now, we'll be taking the new medication and attempt to work on things outside of hobbies that offer immediate satisfaction.

These will include drawing, reading, writing, and studying.

We're going to take it day by day, okay? And no, I don't think we should delete your past posts. I want to see how far we've come, and what still needs to be worked on.

Okay? Good night, past, present, and future me. I love you.

Please love yourself.

[keyswiki363]

Nevercenter Pixelmash crack offers a whole new approach to pixel art by allowing you to paint or import high-resolution images, non-destructively pixelate..

[soufil]

. \\10/6（日）は、ハーブデリの日// ハーブデリは毎月第一土曜日に開催しておりますが、今回10月5日はわたくしが おいしい旅のマーケットに出店の為、 変則の6日（日）の開催となってます🙏 . 初の日曜開催ドキドキですが、 土曜日来れない方から すでに予約いただいているらしく、 有難い限りです😭. . . 10月のハーブデリは leaf noteの今年の新米出来たてを土鍋で！ なので、ご飯は白米です♡ そして、 秋から冬のお野菜が出来てきたそうです*. . . メニュー* . 小松菜のポタージュスープ. オリジナルスパイスの豚肉の生姜焼き. 紫の野菜とクミンのマリネ. カボチャのポテトサラダ. フレッシュサラダ. （野菜農家でもあり米農家でもあるleaf.noteで 収穫したお米を土鍋で炊いています） . . . . . @sweets_studio_r さんのスィーツ、 @calico_hassy さんのかわいいねこクッキー、 @yoo_shop_ さんが作家さん が雑貨を持って来てくださいますので、 お気軽にお越しください.*. お待ちしております*. . . ********************************************* . . 京都嵯峨野で野菜農家であるleaf.note (@leaf.note )の 採れたての旬のお野菜とハーブと @sou.fil のスパイスを使ったランチを 2人で作り、月イチでお出ししています . プレートでお出しいたしますが、 お持ち帰り用にボックスに入れることもできます. ********************************************* . 場所 : @leaf.note カフェスペース 時間 : 11:30-16:00ごろ（なくなり次第終了） . 京都市右京区嵯峨野芝野町33-3 （最寄駅 JR太秦、京福 帷子ノ辻より徒歩15〜20分） 駐車場はございません. お車の場合は、近くにコインパーキングがございますので、そちらをご利用下さい . ********************************************* . . #LeafNote #京都 #嵯峨野 #京都カフェ #cafe #soufil #ランチ #京野菜 #ランチボックス #herbs #ハーブ #薬草 #植物のある暮らし #ハーバルライフ #植物 #スパイス #ハーブのある暮らし #キッチンファーマシー #ボタニカル #botanical #日々 #丁寧な暮らし #foodphotography #foodpic #instafood #instergramjapan (Kyoto, Japan) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2wOhIyFRWm/?igshid=1gi15u06rf6ey

[imagardenrose]

There’s less and less decent stuff to craft without leafnotes ☹️

Ohh the fairy forest bg looks so cute it makes them look so small too bad I can never afford terrain stuff

[leaf-notes-blog]

Tanga kasi ako kaya ka nawala.

LeafNotes

[neverglory]

Today I'll be playing with a new dnd group.

I'm not looking forward to it. Frankly I'm terrified.

I HATE being a player, because my past DMs have bullied me, laughed at me, or were so inept at DMing that my PC could do nothing but grunt and fight(and even when I fought, I was shamed for it).

I'm not good at a lot of things, and I mean a LOT of things. But one thing I am good at is DMing. I'm not just good, I'm great. And I love it. I don't think I could ever get tired of DMing. I don't mind being a forever DM if it means that a story can be told and everyone has fun.

I have high standards for DMs, and by high standards, I mean that the DM is not dumbfounded when a PC kills their NPC that was attempting to summon a demon.

How does one make an entire homebrew, and not know what to do when a player does something? Did you not plan for this? Did you not plan for combat, which is one of the core concepts of DnD, to actually occur?

I've been a player on at least 5 separate occasions. All 5 of them were TERRIBLE. I don't trust DMs who aren't me, and I don't trust my fellow players to actually respect my character's decisions.

If this session ends up being a disaster, which, I'm sure it will be, as I have no reason to believe otherwise, I'm done with being a player. I'm done with other DMs.

Should I ever pick up DnD again, you will obey MY rules, follow MY story, engage with MY npcs, and LOSE yourself in a world I curated and tailored to perfection so that all of MY players have fun.

I won't be hurt again. I refuse to allow any shitty DM to think for even a SECOND that they're capable.

This paid DM better be worth it, because if I have to deal with this pain again, there won't be a next time. I don't care. I'll never make another character again. I WILL NOT LET MYSELF BE HURT AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME?!

[neverglory]

I'm not quite sure what to call this period of depression for me.

Everything seems kind of pointless to do, if it's not meant to help me monetarily.

And, when I have--

I can't even finish my train of thought.

I don't care to finish.

I don't care to stew and moan and whine and whinge about my feelings any more.

Doesn't it all seem pointless?

Doesn't it all seem worthless?

My pain isn't worth drawing about, talking about, writing about!

It's--

I'm addicted.

I'm addicted to video games.

I'm addicted to doing nothing worthwhile.

I'm addicted to self-love.

I am an addict.

I'm addicted to such a sedentary life that doing anything that requires failing and learning and doing better is poison to me.

It's late and I shouldn't linger here longer than I should.

Sunday nights are always bad, there's no need to make it more complex than the anxiety of functioning in the real world.

[neverglory]

You know, at some point the paranormal stuff gets a bit silly when you start introducing things like "Protospirit" and "Level One Specter"

[neverglory]

I'm taking a break today! No work will be done! Nothing of any substance will be created! I am tired! I deserve to rest! Good night!

[neverglory]

Day two of web development studying.

Total amount of time spent: 30 minutes.

Explanation: Not needed.

Satisfaction Levels: Average.

[neverglory]

Did you know that one of the secrets to drawing is to practice? And, if you practice drawing a pose more than once, eventually you'll see improvement?

Wild concept, I know.

Anyway, here's a pose I was practicing on. You can see how I was getting more comfortable with it the third time around.

We don't draw hands because I would rather not cry over not being able to depict a knuckle.

[neverglory]

My heart aches to draw.

But my fear of imperfection keeps me at bay.

But it's okay for me to be scared.

I'm not running away anymore.

[neverglory]

I need to learn that mistakes WILL happen, and that when it DOES happen, it means NOTHING.

Mistakes can be fixed. Mistakes can be mended. Mistakes can be forgiven.

ONE mistake does not nullify HUNDREDS of successes.

[neverglory]

"Wahh, my art looks terrible! I don't know how to fill in my work with color!"

Leaf, have you ever thought to just PRACTICE? To actually finish a tutorial video from start to finish without getting distracted? To just do ONE thing at a time? To keep your hand straight so your drawings DON'T come out crooked? How about just learning basic anatomy, so that your drawings aren't eight feet tall?

Just...slow down. You're always running and hoping it'll work out in the end.

You want to be free, to just flow

You think you can do anything without first learning, without failing

You're not a savant, and you're definitely not as smart as you think.

Sit still, and learn.

LEARN.

LEARN!!!!

[neverglory]

I have a very stunted vocabulary. For someone who claims to be a writer, I don't read books.

I have a repulsion to reading, because it reminds me of all the time I've wasted.

I need distractions. Bright, shiny, instant gratification, satisfaction.

Give the child his toy and keep him toothless. Clawless.

[neverglory]

I'd serve this world better as a corpse

my Eyes given to those who can see a better tomorrow

my Legs given to those who are swept up in wanderlust

my Teeth given to those who have a reason to smile

my Ears given to those who listen to the wind

my Blood given to those who can warm it with passion

my Heart, given to anyone who can love.

Take me

Destroy me

Break me down

Grind my bones into dust

Rip my belly open and feast upon my gluttony

Make me useful

Please make me useful