#leave it to jacksfilms to keep it real

[darkmoonkestrel]

daily kestrel 12:

we woke up early-ish (I was out of bed by 9:30) to get the house ready for the viewing at 2. we did a damn good job if I do say so myself, everything looked awesome. to reward ourselves we went to IHOP for the all you can eat pancakes (all I could eat was the initial stack of 5 they brought me)

after we got home Paige asked me to use the massage gun on her shoulders and Peyton hit some pressure points for her which apparently helped a lot with the neck/shoulder pain she's been having, so that's good. we also talked about how it's kinda weird that we can't actually 100% tell if someone came by to see the house, we left before the scheduled time and came back over an hour later and everything is exactly how we left it - Peyton pointed out a dry spot in the driveway (it's been sprinkling all afternoon) and Panther hissed at Paige when we walked in which may be a sign of strangers having been in the house? we may never truly know

after that Peyton took a nap and Paige and I set up on the couch with King of the Hill while I played some tears of the kingdom. I finished the puzzles part of the lightning temple while Paige took a short nap, and I got absolutely obliterated by the queen gibdo several times in a row before Maxi came over and I gave up for the day

the three of us ended up smoking while Peyton had a lil drinky drink. we've watched several video essays, all curated by Maxi, which seems to be the standard activity when she comes over. we've watched some things from Strange Aeons (Portland polycule, tumblr post tier list, and my immortal outfits), a frame by frame roasting of the Minecraft movie trailer by jacksfilms, a "pretending the Omegaverse is real" video by a guy who committed really hard to the bit in an impressive and kinda scary way, and we just finished the Lindsay Ellis video about Omegaverse copyright, which is honestly really well done. Peyton and Paige ended up going to Burger King to get dinner at some point

we're now showing her the bhultra Izzy Isn't Crazy video essay, which we may not finish bc it's already midnight and an hour and 40 minutes long, but it's just so good that we have to share it with our resident video essay bestie. Peyton wandered towards the bedroom a few minutes ago but I'm not sure if he's officially going to bed or not, and I'll head there eventually bc I haven't touched my schoolwork at all today so I have plenty to do tomorrow to keep up, but oh well, it's been a good day regardless of what it leaves me with tomorrow

[chuckling-chemist]

Subscriber Desperation

((I make one “Youtube’s not a real job” joke on skaian-heretic’s post and suddenly I’m making Jacksfilms jokes and writing a goddamn crackfic featuring Ardata. I’ll be fair...I’m not sure exactly how IC this is for Ardata, and more importantly I’m not sure I care. This was just for some hopefully dumb humor.))

“I cannot believe Grubtube changed their algorithm! And to attempt to introduce user feedback. The nerve…” the blueblood typing furiously on her keyboard scowled deeply. “No wonder I’ve lost so many subscribers.”

Naturally, due to Ardata’s high status and sinister persona, the number of people commenting on her work in comparison to her views was low. But for sweeps, such hadn’t been a problem. She always managed to keep on top of Grubtube’s changing formulas to keep her on the top of trending tags for weeks. Obtain subscribers by occasionally making a video unrelated to your regular content, then push them to watch your other videos? Early on, of course, but she did. Get trolls to click on a video they’d hold no interest in through thumbclaws and titles promising sexual content that only appeared for seconds? Easy. Falsely inflate her video lengths through elongated intros and outros? Simple. But getting people to interact with her videos aside from a like? Impossible. Lowblood trolls wouldn’t comment on her videos to keep their olfactories safe from her, and higherbloods had better things to do with her time than leave a comment on a video involving brutal murder when they wouldn’t have to comment much in an online redblock. She had better things to do with her time.

With a frustrated groan, she clicked over to her imitators’ profiles. She needed some sort of method to make her look - Ardata shuddered at the mere thought of it - approachable. Enough so they might comment on her videos. Unfortunately for her, almost every profile she scanned did something different. Many relied on sponsorships from small, Internet companies. Some engaged in online feuds. And if those acts weren’t reprehensible on her own, others were worse. She held far too much pride to tell her subscribers to “smash the flush/pitched buttons” if they felt any strong feelings or run videos ran wholly on content produced by commenters. Her videos were art. The gutterbloods in her basement, her muse. Commenters weren’t allowed to dictate the type of art she produced, even if they drove her numbers up.

However, the longer she scrolled through her competition, she realized they all did something she hadn’t ever quite done. Many of these trolls seemed eager to talk about themselves in front of the camera with questions supplied by subscribers. Ardata did enjoy talking about herself. And, while she preferred working behind the camera as the director with complicated shots and angles to truly capture the spirit of the poor troll, an easy night of sitting at a camera and talking sounded just that: easy. She made the announcement on both Chittr and her most recent Grubtube video, informing them of an upcoming Q&A so please send your questions now.

The results were instantaneous. Her most recent video’s view count hit record highs within hours, placing it firmly in Grubtube’s top trending videos. Questions flooded her video, her Chittir, her inbox, anywhere they felt they could send them. For the first time in perigees - the first time since meeting that odd little alien - she was a big Grubtuber again. Famous. Esteemed. She set an established date for a full livestream set to be hours long (again, good for the algorithm), and pulled all the questions to be used from a random generator. So close to re-achieving the fame she once had on Grubtube she’d never have to try again if she wanted to. She set everything up the night before, from her husktop littered with questions to the camera itself.

Her preparations made the filming easy. She only had to start up the livestream on Grubtube, waiting for the red light to indicate she started filming and grimace menacingly at the camera. Of course, she made herself look equally enticing and imposing on her black couch, but that was just her regular aesthetic. To do anything else was disingenuous. “Hello. I’m sure you’re all here to watch Alternia’s best up-and-coming filmmaker on Grubtube answer your questions.” She smirked. “I’m so flattered you could make it. Unsurprised, judging by your ridiculous interest in my personal life, but flattered. So, let’s get this started before I lose interest.”

The first set of questions her husktop pulled up were straightforward. Trolls asked her about simple questions about her personal life: everything from her lusus to her quadrants, on top of numerous questions about all sorts of favorites. One even asked her about dayglow, and if she preferred it to other poisons. Ardata gave the viewers of the stream cryptic answers. After all, she didn’t really want to talk about her private life. She didn’t even want to answer questions at all. This was all just to please the Grubtube algorithm and gain her viewership back.

About halfway through the questions, after a slog of political minefields seemingly only there to upset some subjuggalator watching her videos, the questions started to get...well...weird. “‘Ardata,’” she read, “‘I’m a huge fan of your videos, but I gotta ask, I keep dabbing on my haters like other grubtubers told me to, but sometimes they dab back. I haven’t gotten an answer from them yet. Please help, I’m scared.”

Ardata’s smirk twisted into a dark frown. “If you’re scared, don’t dab at them. Shouldn’t that be simple?”

She flipped over to the next one, reading “Ardata? What’s your opinion on the film ‘The Funny Faces on Your Palm Husk Develop Personalities of Their Own Separate of the Ones They Are Supposed to Emote in a Sellout Family Comedy Featuring An Overabundance of Propaganda and Product Placement, The Plot Relying Wholly On Overused Concepts Done Better in Other Films? I heard it’s a visual masterpiece.” She scowled. “What kind of question is this? Did anyone even go see that refuse incinerator heap of a film?” She scoffed. “Please. Next question.”

She flipped down through the comments, reading many of them outloud as she skipped them. Ardata, when will you start giving us sponsorships at the end of your videos? Can’t wait to skip all of them!

Ardata, has anyone told you your lusus is half as cute as JuhannFlicks’ barkbeast?

Ardata, when will you do a collaboration with a screaming Grubtuber?

Have you considered what it feels like to be like us, an asshole talking to a camera?

Ardata, I need more challenge vids!

What’s your opinion on the Eastern Alternian flag made entirely of triangles? Do you agree it’s the absolute worst?

Over and over. The whole middle portion of Q&A seemed like...shitposts. Pure and idiotic shitposts. Her scowl deepend. “Understand, viewers, these questions are so inane I’m not even giving them a thought. Now, this one, since I ignored so many…” she flitted her gaze over to the next post, not even bothering to check to see what it said, “this one I’ll answer.”

Hey Ardata, how does it feel to know that you have no skills for the Ordeals because we all know Grubtube’s not a real job?

She paused, blinking slowly. Anger swelled in the pit of her stomach. How dare some troll insist what she did wasn’t a job! She profited, didn’t she? “I assure you, viewer, what I do is very real. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here right now,” she said tightly. “Now, let’s move on to the--”

She gasped. A whole slew of comments, none of them from the same troll, all asked the same question. Worded differently, but functionally the same. Grubtube’s not a real job.

“Q&A’s over early. I won’t be doing another one,” she snarled. With a quick snap of her wrist, the husktop clicked shut, ending the stream immediately.

It wasn’t until she sat there for several minutes, fuming silently, that she realized what she did. But it was too late now. She’d have to find another way to bring in new viewers through other means, and hope her outburst only drove minimal numbers away.

Hopefully.

***

Meanwhile, Juhann Scanan, popular oliveblooded comedic Grubtuber, watched the whole stream with anticipation. His lusus, a tiny little fluffy barkbeast he affectionately called Klondike, nipped at his arm. Normally he wasn’t interested in the drama of Grubtube, but the fall of Ardata Carmia was equal parts funny and necessary. Grubtube held enough bloodshed without yet another redblock wannabe hogging all the attention.

The video ended with a loud click, and Grubtube shoved him off the video onto her regular profile. The same question his followers asked over and over, she couldn’t even handle once.

Juhann laughed. Maybe it wasn’t the kindest idea to let his followers know he sent in one bizarre question about dabbing after making a song that happened to reference this Grubtube redblock trend.. But the bubbly satisfied feeling watching another villain of the website crumble under their own infamy felt justified, in a way. If you can’t adjust to the changing tides of a constantly evolving website, you’d fall behind. Ardata, and any other troll who mistakes ultraviolence for art and content, relying wholly on a supervillain status for popularity, would fall victim for that.

“Okay Klondike, get off me,” he said. “I gotta finish editing for tomorrow. Gotta finish that song.”

Klondike yipped happily in his face, making no attempt to move. Moving seemed out of the question. Juhann stretched, smiling sleepily at his lusus and yawning. “Fine,” he said with a light pat of the barkbeast’s head. Editing could wait for a day. “You win. I’ll sleep.”

((I’ll just say it here, yeah his matesprit’s just troll!Erin/2ToesUp and she has a similar lusus named Sundae))