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ilguna · 3 years

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Lacuna - Epilogue (f.o)

summary: they say the odds tend to favor those who need them. well, they were wrong.

warnings; swearing.

wc; 2.5k

NOTES; I give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

You take a deep breath, readjusting in the heels. Lately, you’ve been wearing them a lot again. They’ve begun to make your feet sore and leave blisters on the back of your heels. If you’re lucky, you won’t start bleeding. No matter the medicine that Elysia provides, they always seem to bleed or form again.

Lucky for you, it’s nearing the end of the tour. This district, and then twelve, and then you’re back home to enjoy your house. They’ll still come around to pester you about how you’re doing. But that will be fine, you’ll answer the questions like you have before. They’ll be bored of you by next year.

There’s no reason for them to ask Finnick questions. He’s with Caesar almost every single night, on his talk show. Then there’s the little news anchors, and all the other tv shows where he has an opportunity to show up. You don’t know if it’s an act anymore, or if it’s who he really is.

He’s all he ever was during the interviews, the mask seems to have stuck. He’s charming, and confident, and so goddamn cocky. He’s got all the girls in your district swooning over him, even if they can’t watch his shows, the news, or Caesar’s fucking talk show. The boy you knew to hate everything about the Capitol is gone.

The question is if this is who he was all along. If he loved the Capitol, and the riches, because it looks like it. You stopped seeing the wave ring he was supposed to be wearing--he promised you before he left that he would wear it every time he knew he’d be publicly appearing. He replaced it with something else, the sign of the Capitol.

They wouldn’t have forced him to replace it, because they’re always broadcasting your love story. There’s continuous love notes from Finnick, either him writing them on the show, or just saying it straight out. Some of the time the cameras will come around and you’ll stand out there in the snow and pretend like you’re in love. You manage to do well each time, they can’t tell if you’re blushing or if it's just the weather.

In reality, your love for him is turning to ice. Freezing in place, and when the summer comes around, it’ll melt for him when--if--he comes back to help you with mentoring. You don’t plan to let it blossom again in the summer, you plan to end it as soon as you’re face to face with Finnick.

Because while he’s in the Capitol, enjoying every moment of being showered with money and love from the Capitol people. While he’s going on talk shows and getting to know the enemy more, the people that had gotten his family killed. While he’s replacing a ring with sentimental value with something new and shiny from the Capitol.

While he’s out there with other girls that aren’t you. And professing his undying love on that same talk show instead of in person. And ignoring all the letters of you send him begging him to come home. And then bailing on you.

You’re doing the tour alone. You’re doing the speeches and taking the plaques and faking smiles and pretending you’re enjoying yourself. You’re facing the families both you and him killed together or seperate. You’re meeting the victors who absolutely despise you and the families that want to kill you.

You’re burning flowers in the train bathroom at night and fighting all instincts to ruin the fucking trophies that belong to him. But since he’s so sickeningly into the Capitol, you keep them and throw them into his empty bed. They clatter and clink when they’re up against each other, but they never dent or break.

You’re having nightmares about dying in the arena. About watching Finnick catch typhoid and it being your mistake. Watching him turn pale and weak from your dumbass mistake. You dying from hanging like Lennox or the girl that you had trapped in that net. What about being strung out like leather to be torn apart by bears or being awake for half a second as someone you thought was an ally drives a knife into the back of your head.

Or an innocent twelve year old boy who just wants to go home to his mom and dad. The girl you beheaded at the beginning. What if that had been Finnick or one of the others when you swung too early? You watch yourself kill these people, and take their places right after.

And this is all happening because Finnick had broken his promise of being on the tour with you. If he were to show up now, you would tell him to go home. Tell him that you never want to see or talk to him again, and you mean it. Because knowing that he broke all those promises that you guys made to each other so blatantly is so damn painful.

Finnick gets to enjoy his Capitol people. The nice clothes from his designers and wake up in a comfy bed every morning, fully rested. Or at least he’s rested enough to be sane for the entire day. You, on the other hand, are nowhere near sane.

Last night you had skipped sleeping, and found different ways to keep yourself awake. The first and the only one being, making a giant list of the things that you wouldn’t have minded trying with Finnick. Touring the Capitol together, going to the beach, getting engaged, married, having kids. Getting matching tattoos or some dumb cosmetic thing that would alter you. Officially welcome him to your family.

The list was long, and you folded it up neatly and handed it to Elysia to pass on to Finnick when she’d see him. That’ll be in a couple of days, but it’ll be sooner than you’re prepared for. You have district eleven, then twelve, and then you’ll take the train home. There, you’ll make a small appearance and give a speech or something. After that you’ll be left in the dark permanently. People will be excited for what’s to come.

One of them being, this will be your first year mentoring, and it looks like you’ll be doing it alone. It was one of the things on the list, mentoring with Finnick and getting those kids skilled enough to win. Make a streak or something, a challenge for the other districts to beat four. The houses would be full, every year families will be fed for a couple of days without worry of going hungry.

It’s not going to happen. You’re going to take over for Mags, accept the fact that you’ll be teaching these kids alone, and you’ll be forced to watch it all happen. It’ll go from Mags watching kids die, to you watching. Because in reality, it was mostly luck in the arena.

You’ve come up with an idea while you’ve been on this tour, thinking about how each person has died, and you decided that you’ll make a class almost. One that kids can tune in and out of any time. Where you teach them to tie knots and throw knives, start fires and prepare food. How to make shelter out of scarce items, how to avoid getting sick and all of that.

A pre-preparation class. You teach these kids, all this information, and then when they’re finally picked you get to expand on it all. You get to show them extra things that you haven't taught before. You show them how to get sponsors, and make friends that you’ll need.

You’re sure that the other districts are going to be very careful when it comes to alliances from now on. There’s going to be a reason why you don’t invite four to the alliance pack, and that’s because you and Finnick were a bunch of backstabbers. Gloss and Cashmere will see this, and they’ll decide that they won’t let it happen again. Hell, you guys might be the target from now on. Take out three to avoid the chances of you guys even making allies in the first place.

On that list you had made for Finnick, with all the things you wanted to do with him, you ended it quite bitterly. Like this is a warning for what’s to come when you do see him next. Even if he doesn’t come back any time soon, you’ll go to him. You’ll show up with Caesar on their own personal talk show and you’ll throw it in his face. Say it’s over and it will never be what it was. That you had done all the work while he had all the fun.

The celebrations, the victory tour, the after-interviews. And now you’ll be mentoring people all while he gets to party in the Capitol. What a joke. Especially to think that only a couple of months ago he was crying on your shoulder about it. You can’t believe that you were sympathetic in the slightest.

At the bottom of the list you wrote ‘but none of this will ever happen, and maybe that’s for the better’. It’ll be a slap to the face, maybe it’ll actually get him to respond to anything you’ve sent him.

Him reading those love poems with Caesar aren’t responses. Because you ask him genuine questions, and you elaborate on what’s going on. You try to plan out things, like him visiting and when it’d work best based on Elysia’s schedule. You tell him when the Victory Tour is and when he should be at the district. Days before so that he’ll be able to properly adjust and you can give him advice on how to take care of it.

The doors suddenly open, and you hear the clapping and the few cheers. On your walk down the stairs to the stage, you can see the faces of the people that belong to district eleven. You can see the hatred in their eyes and they want to come up here and kill you. There’s a wall of peacekeepers that keep them down, though.

You get passed some flowers, you thank the girl that hands them to you. Obviously the other girl has no clue what to do, since Finnick isn’t here to take them. The memo hasn’t passed even though you’ve been on this tour for weeks. Finnick is a no-show, just like he will be in district twelve.

When you step up to the microphone you pull out the cards that you had wrote yourself. They don’t seem so smart now that you’re staring at their families. But you take a deep breath, let it out and begin.

You have no fear of speaking in front of people. They could give you the entire nation in one huge district and you’d still be able to talk fine. But there’s a difference between one large crowd of people you don’t know, versus people that have watched you kill their kids.

At the end is when you begin to stumble a little bit, the speech being too long. You manage to clean it up last minute, and offer the crowd one winning smile. They clap and some cheer but you know that it’s to make it look like they’re cooperating. You wonder if they know that you wouldn’t have killed the boy from eleven if you had the chance. That you had saved Thyme, even if in the end you cheered when she was the one dead.

You’re about to wrap it up, but the sound of footsteps stop you, and when you look over your shoulder, the smile on your face drops. Seeing him here, on this stage is infuriating. Him showing up because of Thyme has already got you seeing red.

He tries to smile at you, and go to offer you a small hug and possibly a kiss with that, but you stop him. You don’t want him. You don’t want him after all that has happened.

Because this is salt on the ice. You’re going to explode if he lays a finger on you. You’re going to explode simply at the sight of him. And at the thought of him coming here to give a speech because of Thyme.

In fact, you lean forward to the mic, “Thank you, District Eleven for your tributes.” and then you hike up your dress as you turn to the staircase.

The people are obviously confused, there are a few people who clap. You watch as the peacekeepers move out of the way for you. The doors open and Elysia is standing inside with her mouth open.

“What was that?” she asks, motioning behind you.

You breeze past her, already tearing off the bracelets, earrings, rings, and everything else. Laurel is standing there with a box for everything, holding it out as she watches you toss the jewelry in, ignoring being careful. Next are the heels, that you trade for flats.

Beth holds out regular clothes for you, and you hear the door to the building open, from the same place you came in. One the door clicks shut, you turn to look over your shoulder, and he stands there with his hands out in a reasoning position. But you’re beyond reasoning right now.

“No, Finnick.” you snarl at him, but the angry tears are forming in your eyes, and your throat is closing up, “You don’t get to show up at District Eleven’s part of the tour, and expect me to kiss you in front of them. Especially when I know that you’re here for her!”

Finnick is silent, and you take in a gasp of air because you’re sobbing already, “You enjoy tonight. Enjoy the festivities because this is what you’re here for. Your stupid fucking flowers and plaques and certificates that I had to collect for you, are on your bed in the train.”

“(Y/n)--”

“I told you when we’d be going on the tour and I’ve had to do it alone for ten different fucking district, Finnick!” you go forward, shoving Finnick and watching him stumble, “I’m facing the families of the tributes you killed!” you shove him again, this time he falls, the peacekeepers move forward, “In fact, I saw all of them for you! You didn’t kill Thyme so she doesn’t fucking count!”

“That’s enough, (Y/n).” Elysia tries, but you’re not done.

“Go home Finnick.”

“I am home--”

“Not with me you’re not.” you snap at him, “Your home is the Capitol, and you know what? You can fuckign stay there for all I care. You can also move back into your own goddamn house, since you’re never home anyway. There’s no point in keeping your stuff in my house if we’re not together anymore.”

The tears gather in Finnick’s eyes, and you’re tired of it. You’re not going to be sucked right back into this, “Please.”

“We’ve over Finnick. Party like you’ll never see the sun tonight, because you’re not going to district twelve with me. You’ll be going back to the Capitol.”

You turn again, leaving for some adjacent room in the building. Waiting for your tears to spill over, but they dry.

You’re over it.

LACUNA IS THE FIRST VERSION OF BELAMOUR

//MASTERLIST//

#ilguna #lacuna #finnick odair #lacuna epilogue

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drinkthehalo · 4 years

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Macro perspective on each Lymond book

I've been listening to the Lymond Chronicles audiobooks, which has given me a different perspective than reading them. With audiobooks, you’re less inclined to stop and dive into the details, to look up an interesting word or obscure historical fact; instead you get swept along with the larger arc of the book.

So, I thought it would be interesting to look at what each book is about from a macro perspective.

Spoilers for the entire series follow.

The Game of Kings

In genre, it's a mystery told in a historical adventure style; it asks the question "Who is Lymond?" and gives us a ton of contradictory clues, then finally reveals the truth - in a psychological sense by stripping away Lymond's defense mechanisms and revealing the human being underneath, as he breaks down in the dell, "the guard was down... every fluent line and practised shade of Lymond's face betrayed him explicitly"; and in a narrative sense via the trial, which examines each "clue" we received throughout the story and tells us what it really meant.

Thematically, it's mainly about "serving honesty in a crooked way" - that morality isn’t simple and that sometimes you need to break the rules to do the right thing. Nearly all Lymond’s acts are apparently bad things done for a goal that is actually good. We see the theme also in Will Scott (who learns that the world is more complicated than the "moral philosophy" he learned in school) and the various characters who help Lymond, breaking the rules of society by aiding a wanted outlaw (Christian, Sybilla, the Somerviles).

It is also about the balance of looking out for self vs the obligation to the greater society - Lymond is not completely selfless (after all, he is back in Scotland to clear his own name), but when forced to choose, he always chooses the greater good above his own goals. He is contrasted with Richard, whose great mistake is to put his obligations to Scotland at risk in pursuit of his personal vengeance, and Margaret Lennox, who is purely and grotesquely out only for herself.

The historical context is part of this theme, as we see the various border families playing both sides between England and Scotland, with the heroes being those who ultimately stand up for Scotland, even as we understand that some have no choice but to profess one thing while doing another.

Queens Play

In genre, it's a spy novel; thematically, it's about what Lymond will do with the rest of his life. The question is asked explicitly several times (most obviously, "You have all your life still before you." / "The popular question is, for what?") It's important that Lymond loses his title at the start of this book; he has to figure out who he will be without it.

The main characters all represent possible paths Lymond could take -

O'Liam Roe, who sits back and laughs at the world with detachment, while abdicating all responsibility to use his mind and position to change the world for the better.

Robin Stewart, who loses himself in bitterness about the ways the world has been unfair to him, and in fixating on how he deserved better, fails to take any action to improve himself.

Oonagh, who works passionately to change the world for the better, but whose ideals have become corrupted because she has attached herself to a leader who is more out for himself than for their cause.

And of course Thady Boy and Vervassal, two extremes of himself that Lymond tries on, and (by the end of the series) must learn to reconcile.

The recurring imagery of the first half is the carnival, the masks, the music, the parties, and our hero in danger of losing himself amidst the debauchery. In the second half the imagery every time Lymond appears is of ice, the ultra-controlled, hyper-competent version of Lymond at risk of losing himself by denying his artistic soul. (There’s a wonderful essay here that explores these motifs.)

In the end, Lymond comes to the conclusion that he must not withdraw into detachment or bitterness, that he must find a way to make a positive difference in the world, but that he also must not attach himself to a powerful figure who may be more out for themselves than for Scotland (ie, his refusal to attach himself to Marie de Guise). This sets up the creation of his mercenary army in the next books, as a way he can exercise independent influence in the world.

The Disorderly Knights

This book couldn't be more relevant to the world today. It's a portrait of cynical hypocrisy in pursuit of power; it lays out step by step the tactics of propaganda and manipulation used by despots to build up themselves and tear down their rivals: pretend to be pious, accuse of others of your own crimes, tear down straw men instead of engaging in real debate. It tells us to "look at his hands"; what matters is what a leader actually does, not what he professes to believe.

It shows us how leaders use charisma to manipulate, and, in showing the battle between Gabriel and Lymond for Jerott's loyalty, shows how Lymond takes the harder and more ethical path, by refusing to use his charisma to seduce (a lesson learned from his experience with Robin Stewart) and instead guiding Jerott to come to his own conclusions by means of rational thought instead of hero worship.

At every level the novel advocates for tolerance and internationalism, and against petty sectarianism, as Lymond questions whether the Knights of St John are really any better than the Turks, and as he tries to get the Scottish border families to abandon their feuds in favor of the greater good of the country.

In terms of genre, it’s a pure adventure novel. I never get bored of the masterful action sequences with the battles in Malta and Tripoli, and the extraordinary duel at St Giles in the end. (Also in terms of thematic imagery, there is some crazy S&M shit going on in this book, with Gabriel and Joleta's sadism and Lymond's self-sacrificial masochism.)

I love Disorderly Knights so much. It is nearly perfect - well structured, thematically coherent, witty, fun, breathtaking, and heartbreaking.

Pawn in Frankincense

In genre, this is a quest novel. In several places it explicitly parallels The Odyssey.

In theme, it explores -

Do the ends justify the means? How much sacrifice is too much? Lymond gives up his fortune, his body, and his health; Philippa gives up her freedom and her future; we are asked often consider, which goal is more important, stopping Gabriel or saving the child? We even see this theme in Marthe's subplot, as she gives up the treasure, her dream to "be a person," to save her companions. Perhaps the most telling moment is right after Lymond kills Gabriel; despite all his claims that Gabriel’s death mattered more than the fate of the child, he’s already forgotten it, instead playing over and over in his mind the death of Khaireddin. If you do what is intellectually right but it destroys your soul, was it really right?

The other big theme is “nature vs nurture.” What is the impact of upbringing on how people turn out? In its comparisons of Kuzum vs Khaireddin, and Lymond vs Marthe, it seems to fall firmly on the side of nurture.

It’s also a kaleidoscope of views on love, with its Pilgrims of Love and their poetry, and the contrasting images of selfless, sacrificial love (Philippa and Evangelista for Kuzum, Salablanca for Lymond, Lymond for Khaireddin, perhaps Marthe for Lymond as she helps him in the end) with possessive, needy “love” (Marthe for Guzel, Jerott for Marthe or Lymond, arguably even the Aga for Lymond).

This novel is also a tragedy. Its imagery and the historical background complement the themes by creating an atmosphere lush, beautiful, labyrinthine, overwhelming, and suffocating.

The Ringed Castle

I have to confess this is my least favorite, in large part because I find the historical sequences (in Russia and in Mary Tudor's court in England) go on way too long and have only tangential relationships to the themes and characters.

It seems to be primarily about self-delusion as a response to trauma. Lymond spends the entire novel trying to be someone he isn't, in a place he doesn't belong, because he is too damaged to face reality. (His physical blindness as a manifestation of his psychological blindness; the sequences at John Dee's, surrounded by mirrors, forcing him to see himself.)

Lymond convinces himself he can build a wall around his heart to block out all human connection, that he can be a “machine,” but despite his best efforts, he cares for Adam Blacklock and develops a true friendship with Diccon Chancellor. And of course, by far the most important moment is after the Hall of Revels, when Lymond's heart unfreezes and he suddenly sees one thing VERY clearly. (And then tries, desperately, to escape it.)

The only reason I can think of that the book lingers so long on Mary Tudor (so boring omg) is the parallel with Lymond, her false pregnancies as a manifestation of her desire to see the world as she wants it to be, and her failure to see reality as it is. Ivan of Russia also is a parallel: delusional, unable to trust, and dangerous. Their failures, and the failure of Lymond's Russia adventure and relationship with Guzel, tell us that you cannot hide from reality forever.

The book spends so long painting the backdrop of 16th century Russia that it makes me think that Dunnett got too caught up in her research and needed a stronger editor, although there is also a parallel with Lymond in the idea of Russia as a traumatized nation struggling to establish itself, and of course, Lymond subsuming his need to deal with his own issues into a goal of building a nation.

It's also about exploration, about the intellectual wonder of discovering that there is more to the world, as we learn about Diccon Chancellor and the Muscovy Company. It’s wonderful imagery, but I struggle to how this fits coherently into the overall theme of the novel, and am curious how others reconcile it.

I like the idea of this book more than the reality. If you’re going to do to your hero what Dunnett did to Lymond in “Pawn,” there has to be consequences. But hundreds of pages of our hero in such a frozen state is difficult to read.

That said, the Hall of Revels is one of the best things in the series, and I’ll always love this book for that.

Checkmate

Checkmate is about reconciliation of self and recovery from trauma, as Lymond is forced (kicking and screaming) to accept who is and what he's done, and to allow himself to love and be loved. Philippa is his guide, as she discovers the secrets of his birth, understands his childhood, hears his tales of all the terrible things he's done, and loves him anyway. As far as genre, this is definitely a romance.

There are villains in this book (Leonard Bailey, Margaret Lennox, Austin Grey) but they're all fairly weak; the true antagonist is Lymond himself. From the beginning, he could have everything he needs to be happy (he's married to the woman he loves, and she loves him back!); his true struggle is to stop running from it (by escaping to Russia or committing suicide) and to break through his own psychological barriers enough to allow himself to accept it.

The primary parallel is with Jerott and Marthe, who also have happiness almost in their grasp, but never manage to achieve it.

The heritage plot looms large and is (IMO) tedious; it's so melodramatic that it takes some mental gymnastics to get it to make thematic sense to me. It ultimately comes down to Lymond's identity crisis and childhood trauma. His “father” rejected and abused him, so he based his identity on his relationship to his mother, but his suspicion that he is a bastard means he lives in terror that he doesn’t really belong in his family and that, if his mother isn’t perfect, he is rotten. (I love him but, my god, it is juvenile. The only way I can reconcile it is that his fear about the circumstances of his birth is really just a stand-in for his self-hatred caused by his traumas.) He also continues to struggle with his envy that Richard was born into a position with power and influence that Lymond has spent the past six books struggling to obtain, and that Lymond’s terrible traumas (starting with the galleys) would not have happened if he had been the heir. The discovery that he actually IS the legitimate heir is what finally snaps him out of it, since his reaction is to want to protect Richard, and this also reconciles him to Sybilla since protecting Richard was her goal too.

There are some other parts of this book that I struggle to reconcile (Lymond's inability to live if he can't have sex with Philippa; the way the focus on heritage seems to undercut the nature vs nurture themes; that no one but Jerott is bothered by Marthe's death, which undercuts some of the most moving moments in "Pawn”; and I mostly just pretend the predestination and telepathy stuff didn’t happen). On the other hand, I do sort of love the way this book wholeheartedly embraces the idea that there is no human being on earth who will ever be as melodramatic as Francis Crawford.

In terms of the historical elements, in addition to providing the narrative grounding for the character stuff to play out, it sets up the idea that Scotland has troubles coming up (the religious wars, the betrayal of the de Guises) and that Lymond needs to go home, let go of France and Russia, and focus on Scotland where he belongs. I’m sure there is also some political nuance in the fact that our Scottish hero, after spending so much time and energy in France, ends up with an English wife.

The conclusion in the music room is perfect - it brings us back to the amnesiac Lymond who innocently played music with Christian Stewart, to Thady Boy whose songs made the cynical French court weep, and fills the “void” Lymond described to Jerott where there was no prospect of music. The aspects of himself are finally reconciled and he has a partner to share his life with.

I am curious what others see as the macro / thematic big picture meanings of these books. :) And if anyone can find the key to make “Ringed Castle” and “Checkmate” make more sense to me...

#lymond #the lymond chronicles

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theficplug · 5 years

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{My Boyfriend Does My Makeup with Trevante}

{The YouTube Series}

Warnings: none , fluff

Trevante finally had some time off after his latest film had wrapped and although you were both private about your relationship. You decided to give your boos (your viewers) something special for 307k.

"Welcome to or back to my channel my boos. I have a special guest today. Everybody say hello to my boo bear. Who agreed to do the My Boyfriend Does My Makeup Challenge with me. Say hey baby." You say to him as he flashes his pearly whites at the camera and you can already tell you're going to have to filter the thirst comments.

"Hey , I'm uh Trevante y'all probably have seen me in a few things. If I seem like that familiar face that you can't put a name to. That's why. Also looking forward to playing some characters that don't die halfways through." He says jokingly at the end before giving a shy awkward little nod to the camera.

You take his hand in yours and nuzzle closer into his side to get him to relax a little.

"What I think a lot of people don't know is that even though he's always in front of the camera. He's also kinda shy and doesn't like a lot of attention on him, but unfortunately for you baby is that BOI WE FINNA BE ON YOUR ASS IF YOU MESS IT UP." You say jokingly as you set out all of the makeup and a little cheat sheet to tell him where everything goes.

You watch him break into a smile and throw his hands up.

"Ye of little faith. That hurts bae." He says pretending to be hurt with his hand over his heart dramatically.

"I'm only joking. I believe in you. Gimme kiss?" you ask before he pokes his lips out for you to press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Alright , I'm ready. Today we're gonna use the Fenty foundation? We're just gonna take Miss Riri's stuff and rub it in, all over the face. You don't really need a sponge or brush or any of that. That's all to get you to spend more money." He says to the camera as if he knows what he's doing.

You try to hold in your laughter while looking at the camera and shaking your head.

"You're doing good Tre. I feel prettier already. What's the next step?" You ask him as you watch him work. His tongue slightly poking out as he's concentrated on getting your face to look "right".

Sometimes you just get caught up in how beautiful and kind he is. He always takes care of you and tries his hardest to be involved in anything you're interested in.

"I feel you eyeing me while I work and lemme just say it's highly distracting ma'am. I'm a professional." He says jokingly before giving you a quick kiss. You tug at his bottom lip before kissing him again.

"SHE GETTING DEMONETIZED Y'ALL. We gotta keep it pg." He says before working his way down the little cheat sheet you've left him.

"If you poke me in my eye. I'm swinging." You say to Trevante as he grips your chin gently while trying to apply eyeliner.

"Y'all see how she be treating me? Gon beat my ass in front of all of y'all like that. Lemme stop before that's all over Twitter. Shhh, stop fidgeting let me get it right. " He says and you can feel the felt tip going past where the little flick needed to stop.

"How do I look baby?" You ask as you batting your eyelashes at him and watch his face scrunch slightly at messing it up.

"Hollup it's whopped on that side. Give me a wipe from over there please. . . You said earlier that you wanted to ask me some questions." Tre says to you not bopping along to the soft music playing in the background.

"If you could not love me in this way anymore. Do you think you could love me in a different way? Because you know how when some people break-up. It's so traumatic for them that they can't bare being around the person that they were with because the love there is different." You ask the heavy hitting question that came from an insta sticker. This man was actually a giant teddy bear and pouting at your question.

"For the record I ain't going nowhere. This man put a ring on it." You say giggling and waiting for his response.

"I love you in all ways , always. You know that. But, I'm tryna think about what you're asking. You're saying if weren't together no more. Could I still love you? Absolutely, we were friends before even getting together. When we met in the makeup trailer. I knew that you were going to be important in my life. And that I was gonna love you in some way. But I am grateful that I get to love you this way. I get to love you romantically , emotionally, spiritually, and (cover your ears kids) physically. I'm in love with you." He says before giving the camera a wink and blowing a kiss at them.

Your jaw drops slightly at his response. You could not be more in love with this man if you tried. You thought to yourself before leaning in to kiss his nose and then all over his face and finally his lips.

"Damn, I mean I think I like you or whatever." You say to his as he smacks his teeth and shakes his head while laughing at your response.

"I'm in love with you too Nemour. I only had 3 questions picked out. So here's my second one. When is the wedding? Someone on Instagram asked." You say to him as he nods

"We have a date and it's in my fiancee's favorite season and that's about all I can tell you on that. But I'm sure when it's all said and done she'll put a cute little video package together for y'all." He says as he applies highlighter to your nose and you look at him before bursting into laughter.

"Of course. I promise my boos will be included into the wedding somehow, but Y'ALL lemme bring the camera in please look at how this man got my nose looking like a Christmas ornament. We're going on a lil date right after this. I'm finna be looking shhmmooking hot." You say sarcastically and he couldn't even stay pressed as he breaks out into laughter with you.

"Okay so you're on the last part of my routine which is lips. So before you start I'll ask one last question from Twitter. It says what was our first impression of each other." You smile at the question remembering exactly what he was wearing and everything.

"Well I met you while working on the set of Predator. I was like damn okay lil chocolate drop. Can I get your number? No, but really I thought you were beautiful and funny and just like full of light. There were some early morning call times where I was just grumpy as hell and had to wake up at like 4am and have to hang off fake plane for who knows how long. But there you were in the trailer already dancing around to this one throwback song and giving everybody positive morning affirmations.

Just getting shit done too. I was just standing there watching you in your element. Your lil fro bouncing side to side as you swayed around getting all of your supplies together. And I remembered you ordered everybody breakfast with like Uber Eats or something. Your energy had me hooked from the start. I think I'm more of a morning person now because of you." He says as he picks out the lipstick color.

"You never told me that! That's so sweet boo bear. I was just trying to make everybody feel better 'cause those were some long ass hours. Trying to add all the lil scars and makeup and everything so early in the morning was a lot. But I got to spend more time with you so I wasn't complaining. My first impression of you hmmm. I think I was shocked at how beautiful you are! Wait , wait lemme explain. I've seen you before on that one Tyler Perry show as Ramsey before you got killed off. And just like when I found out you were going to be in that film. I was nervous as hell. And when you walked into the trailer with your beanie almost over your eyes and your headphones on like you were too cool for school. I knew I had to play it cool. I just like sauntered over to you and offered you a breakfast plate. It worked though. Cause you was grooving to Brandy too. After that I realized how you have the driest humor, and yet you are the funniest person I know. I mean like dad joke central with him. He be slapping his knee and everything y'all. But he could've been a whole comedian." You say to the camera and he waits for you to finish before he starts applying the deep plum shade of lipstick.

"My humor may be dry but you still be doing the scatter run when I do the Norbit voice." He says laugh softly at you already about to start wheezing.

"Done?" You ask him as he sits back admiring his work.

"I don't think I did too bad. Look" he says handing you the mirror as you look closely

"My lashes barely hanging on and my eyeliner doing the Cha Cha Slide but other than that I think it looks good. You did a good job baby." You say giving him a kiss as he smirks into it. Already getting the big head.

"I'm coming for your brand baby. Multi-talented." He says to the camera.

"Alright and with that I'mma end this video before his head gets even more inflated. I seen some juicer questions earlier but y'all there ain't no tea. We sexy but our own type of sexy. I gotta show y'all the photos from Halloween when we dressed as Marcus Burnett and Mike Lowry from Bad Boys... We're that couple." You say chuckling softly.

"Alright my boos, y'all know what to do. Like , comment , and subscribe if you want. Turn on the notification bell so you can know when your faves fave post again. Who knows I might get him to do the No Hands Kissing Challenge for 400k. And an OnlyFans video for 1 million." You say half jokingly as it flies over his head for a moment before the lightbulb goes off.

"I don't know about all that maybe 5 milli. Alright y'all , be kinder to yourselves and stay blessed. Byyyeeeee" He says in your voice as he does your outro and you couldn't wait to just wrap your arms around him and love on him.

#Trevante Rhodes #Trevante Rhodes smut #Trevante Rhodes fic #Trevante Rhodes imagine

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tkmedia · 3 years

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Dougie’s Monday Mailbag (Evander Holyfield, Oscar Valdez, ’70s greats vs. future stars)

Photo by Amanda Westcott/Triller Fight Club 13 Sep by Doug Fischer THE OLDTIMERS Hello Dougie, hope you are well and healthy. Evander Holyfield’s performance was really upsetting for me to watch. However fit he might appear to be, he was in a life-endangering situation. Why do you think the oldtimers are doing this? Do they think something like “these modern fighters would be nothing in my time, I’ll show them”? Or is their desire to compete so great that it clouds their minds so that they put themselves in harm’s way in order to, unnecessarily, prove something to themselves? All of them have legacies that are being blemished by these I dare say circus acts. Do they view current scene as so low in quality that they are compelled to act? Anyway, this is a trend that won’t stop until someone gets seriously hurt. Maybe there should be the age limit on sanctioned professional fights, I don’t know. What do you think? Best wishes, and greetings from Serbia. – Vulic I think commissions need to do their jobs. All fighters have a drive that compels them to challenge themselves and push their bodies beyond normal human limits. Those egos don’t go away after they retire or when they get old. Great fighters often have the fiercest pride; the fire in their bellies is what made them special competitors as young amateurs, during their peak pro years, and even when they were past their primes. Holyfield is never going to think he can’t do something, especially the sport where he forged his legend. If he’s willing to step into the ring (and he will be for as long as he’s able to stand on two legs – that’s no exaggeration), there will always be a promoter and/or platform willing to try to capitalize on his legendary status. It’s up to the state athletic commissions to say no. Boxing is a crazy business filled with crazy mother f__kers. The state commissions – including tribal and commonwealth – need to come up with unified safety guidelines, so a dangerous matchups can’t simply cross borders and state lines to see action. Evander Holyfield’s performance was really upsetting for me to watch. I can imagine, but I wouldn’t know because I didn’t watch it. The highlights are ugly enough. However fit he might appear to be, he was in a life-endangering situation. Why do you think the oldtimers are doing this? They’re FIGHTERS! They still want to do what gave them purpose as kids, adolescents and young adults; and what brought them fame and fortune in their 20s and 30s. If somebody is going to offer them a big bag of money to come back, they’re gonna go for it. Do they think something like “these modern fighters would be nothing in my time, I’ll show them”? Or is their desire to compete so great that it clouds their minds so that they put themselves in harm’s way in order to, unnecessarily, prove something to themselves? I think it’s more of the latter. Holyfield probably had no idea who Vitor Belfort was. He wasn’t trying to prove anything to him. He was just challenging himself, setting a goal that would lead to another goal (like a Mike Tyson exhibition). All of them have legacies that are being blemished by these I dare say circus acts. It might seem like that now, but if they’ve reached Holyfield’s level of greatness, an embarrassing loss isn’t going to alter their status as icons. Mike Tyson is still Mike Tyson despite getting trashed by Kevin McBride in his final pro bout. How many times did we see Roy Jones Jr. KTFO once he got long in the tooth? He’s still Roy Jones Jr.! Joe Louis was unceremoniously (and brutally) sent back into retirement by Rocky Marciano and then he took part in crappy exhibitions and pro wrestling bouts. He’s still the Brown Bomber, an American hero. People don’t remember Muhammad Ali for the Antonio Inoki exhibition. He’s remembered as The Greatest because he fought every top heavyweight of the 1960s and 1970s (and usually won). I can go on and on, but I trust you get the picture. Do they view current scene as so low in quality that they are compelled to act? Maybe, there is a void, currently, of high-profile matchups between elite boxers in their primes. Anyway, this is a trend that won’t stop until someone gets seriously hurt. That’s a scary and depressing thought, but you’re not wrong. Maybe there should be the age limit on sanctioned professional fights, I don’t know. I’m thinking after 50, it’s gotta be a FRIENDLY exhibition. HOLYFIELD AND THE TRILLER DEBATE Hi Doug, Maybe the consensus for your mailbag readers is to ignore Triller events and pretend debacles like Holyfield vs. Belfort don’t exist (if we pretend, they don’t exist, they can’t hurt us!), but I have to express my disgust and sadness somewhere. What happened last night interfered with some of my most cherished memories, not just of boxing, but of family. I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, but here’s my story. I was raised in Ireland in the nineties. Boxing was my dad’s favourite sport, so it became mine too. While my friends and classmates were learning the names of their favourite soccer players, I was getting familiar with names like Tyson, Bruno, Lewis, and Holyfield. My dad and I would talk about boxing often and he would tell me about how heavyweight fighters of the 90s era compared to the likes of Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier. Those conversations would spark a lifelong curiosity about the lineage of boxing champions and the evolution of the sport.

Holyfield (left) on his way to stopping Mike Tyson in their first fight. Photo from The Ring archive Between the years of 1996 and 1999, my dad and my brothers would stay up until 5am to watch Evander Holyfield face Mike Tyson (twice) and Lennox Lewis (twice). These are some of my favourite memories of spending time with family. Coming in as an underdog in the first fight with Tyson (which a lot of people forget was the fight of the year), most fans expected Holyfield to get finished early. Even back then, many felt that he was past his prime. But Holyfield won and it left an impression on me. It was the first time I ever witnessed an athlete defy the odds and public sentiment so dramatically, and I was a big fan from that point on. A few years later, in 2003, me and dad watched the highlights of Evander Holyfield getting outboxed, outfoxed, and stopped by a resurgent James Toney. We watched these highlights in my dad’s hospital room as doctors and nurses helped to make him comfortable during his final days. It was a very sobering moment for me as a young man, witnessing the deterioration (albeit in different ways) of these two men that I held in such high regard. A few days later, Dad passed away at the age of 58 years old. This weekend, at the age of 58 years old, Evander Holyfield got back into the ring. You can say it was free will. But everybody knows Holyfield’s primary motivation: he needs money, and that need was exploited by some unscrupulous industry newcomers. I know that boxing has always been a colourful business that attracts chancers, crooks, and gangsters. But the people running Triller bring their own special brand of moral bankruptcy to the table. To throw the nearly 60-year-old Holyfield into the ring with a much younger pitbull (who’s had PED controversies in the past) on just a few days’ notice reflects the level of irresponsibility that Triller operates at. And in the end, Holyfield was just an afterthought. It was all to lure Jake Paul back into a mega-money event. I imagine I’m not the only fight fan that was enraged with this insane main event. And while I hope Evander got paid a truckload of cash (an 18-wheeler!), I also hope that nobody reading your mailbag supported that Triller card, Doug. These people clearly don’t care about real boxing fans, so I’m very interested to see what kind of numbers they pulled in this weekend. Do they even know who their target demo is? Regardless, I’m certain that the complete moral bankruptcy on display at Triller will eventually result in its financial bankruptcy. Keep up the great work, Doug! – Kevin, (Based in Vancouver but from Dublin) Thank you, Kevin, I will do my best. And thank you for sharing those very special and painful memories of your father with the Mailbag column. I can understand how it was extra heartbreaking for you to witness The Real Deal get treated like a rag doll (during and after the Triller Fight Club main event). Sometimes boxing is so cruel to its heroes that I just can’t stomach it. I’ve never watched Holmes-Ali or Norris-Leonard or Joppy-Duran for that reason, and I never will. I love the sport too much to allow the dark side of it and the ruthless elements of the business make me hate it. Having said that, I have no problem with anyone who paid $50 to watch Saturday’s s__t show. It’s their money. If they want to ball-up five $10 bills and cram ’em up their asses that’s their prerogative. God Bless ’em! Also, while I understand your outrage, I don’t want to see Triller go out of business. I’m not a fan of the Fight Club “Legends” exhibitions, but it’s good for boxing to have another platform for legitimate matchups to be showcased on. Here in the U.S., just having Showtime, FOX, ESPN/ESPN+ and DAZN isn’t enough accommodate all the fighters who are deserving of network exposure (and those platforms don’t work with enough promoters). It’s great that we’ve also got Ring City USA on NBC Sports Net and UFC Fight Pass, but it’s not enough. The TrillerVerz Tuesday night fights series kicked off with a well-received show headlined by heavyweight contender Michael Hunter at the Hulu Theater inside MSG on Aug. 3 and it continues tomorrow with what looks like a very solid card in Hollywood, Florida. That show has fighters from Miguel Cotto Promotions, Golden Boy, Thompson Boxing and Banner Promotions, and RDR Promotions, among others; and the matchups are legit: Undefeated (15-0) Puerto Rican up-and-comer Danielito Zorrilla vs. heavy handed Mexican veteran Pablo Cesar Cano is the quintessential crossroads bout at 140 pounds. There’s a scheduled lightweight match between once-beaten prospects Michael Dutchover (15-1) and Nahir Albright (13-1). There’s also a Mexican power puncher I’m familiar with from recent Thompson Boxing promotions named Miguel Madueno (24-0, with 22 KOs), who might just be “must-see TV.” I skipped Holyfield-Belfort but I’m more than happy to shell out $2.99 for a one-month pass to watch TrillerVerz on Fite.TV and I hope they’re able to continue the monthly Tuesday night series (if they keep up the quality matchmaking). I’m also curious to see what they do with the Oct. 4 Triller PPV topped with Teofimo Lopez vs. George Kambosos. THOUGHTS ON OSCAR VALDEZ Hey Doug, Hope everything’s well with you. I decided for the first time ever to boycott a fight because of obvious reasons. I feel that if us boxing fans want change, we need to show it with our money not with words. In the end, Twitter, boxing forums and discussion boards are mostly a bunch of biased fanboys trying to defend their guy no matter what they’ve done, right or wrong. Posting and trying to win an argument there makes absolutely no difference, so I decided to use the only power I have to make my opinion count: my hard-earned cash. I admit that at first, I was outraged by the fact that Valdez tested positive. He was becoming my favorite Mexican fighter and was excited to see him fight, so I felt sad and angry to see him fail a test. After I calmed down and saw exactly what he tested positive for I decided to inform myself a little bit more. I read everything that was reported by The Ring including both Dan Rafael’s article and the VADA response by Dr. Margaret Goodman, also read Tweets by Mr. Coppinger and Victor Conte’s opinion about the subject and came to my own conclusion: there’s a reason VADA prohibits these kinds of stimulants in and out of competition. And as Dr. Goodman said, I won’t get into that, we can all find it on the internet if we want to. Now, since I didn’t watch the fight, I won’t get into all this robbery thing. From what I’m reading it seems fans were looking for reasons for them to score against Valdez just because they wanted him to lose rather than score the fight appropriately. Media I trust like you and Steve Kim (and others) scored the fight for Valdez calling it how you saw it while fans are screaming robbery. The main thing here is that Oscar Valdez’s reputation was hurt a lot more during this whole fight camp than any loss inside the ring would have hurt him. If he did do this on purpose or trusted someone when he took these supplements, he will forever regret that decision. From now on, at least from a group of people, he will forever be looked on as a cheater. That’s a knockdown way more difficult to climb up from than any other. I feel it’s easier to forgive a guy that comes out and admits his wrong doings rather than make up stuff like the herbal tea story. People can apologize and people forgive. If you don’t believe this look at how Mike Tyson is looked at today. He was a convicted rapist, bit off a guy’s ear, admitted faking his tests in his own book, did all sort of nasty things in the last third of his career, threatened to eat Lennox Lewis children and now he’s everybody’s Teddy Bear. America forgives, there’s a lot of proof out there (Tiger Woods anybody?). We’re humans and make mistakes. I’m sure Valdez is learning from whatever he did, knowingly or not. One of the biggest things I’ve learned in recent years is to take responsibility of my acts and stop blaming results on others; stop making excuses. Guys need to man up and face the problems they created and stop making excuses or blaming others for it. Ever since I did that I managed to improve because I was able to identify mistakes I was making; things I blamed on external things were now clearer to me and I was able to change them and improve. If Oscar wants to turn things around, he really needs to do some soul searching, see where things went wrong and change that. He’s still young and can still change the narrative. As of right now, I’ll continue to put my money where my mouth is. Thanks Doug. – Juan Valverde, Chula Vista That’s the right thing to do, Juan, just don’t forget to use some of that money to support VADA. If it wasn’t for Dr. Goodman’s testing organization, pretty much every active high-profile boxer would be able to claim they’re “clean” because they passed the sub-standard state commission PED tests. Nine out of 10 times when we hear about a positive drug test in boxing, it’s a VADA test. I admit that at first, I was outraged by the fact that Valdez tested positive. He was becoming my favorite Mexican fighter and was excited to see him fight, so I felt sad and angry to see him fail a test. Valdez went from hero to zero with that positive test and the way he and his team handled it. All the fans he earned with his sensational performance and stoppage against Miguel Berchelt has been flushed down the toilet. As of now, and for the foreseeable future, he’s got the “The Mexican They Love to Hate” title that was created for Antonio Margarito and eventually passed on to his superstar stablemate Canelo. After I calmed down and saw exactly what he tested positive for I decided to inform myself a little bit more. I hope other fans – and, more importantly, boxers – did the same thing. It sucks when fighter pop positive, but it’s always an opportunity for those fighters and the boxing world to bone up on whatever “The Banned Substance of the Month” is. I read everything that was reported by The Ring including both Dan Rafael’s article and the VADA response by Dr. Margaret Goodman, also read Tweets by Mr. Coppinger and Victor Conte’s opinion about the subject and came to my own conclusion: there’s a reason VADA prohibits these kinds of stimulants in and out of competition. There shouldn’t be “out-of-competition” lists. If it’s a performance enhancer, it needs to stay out of the bodies of combat athletes. Now, since I didn’t watch the fight, I won’t get into all this robbery thing. It was a close fight.

Valdez vs. Conceição. Photo by Mikey Williams/Top Rank Inc via Getty Images From what I’m reading it seems fans were looking for reasons for them to score against Valdez just because they wanted him to lose rather than score the fight appropriately. Hey, that’s how it goes when you’re “The Mexican They Love to Hate,” but in fairness to Robson Conceicao, the Brazilian boxed very well for much of the fight, especially the first half. But Valdez came on strong over the second half, landing the more effective punches in most of the rounds. That bogus point deduction didn’t help the challenger (I guess the ref and the official judges didn’t get the memo that Valdez is the TMTLTH). The main thing here is that Oscar Valdez’s reputation was hurt a lot more during this whole fight camp than any loss inside the ring would have hurt him. No doubt about it. His image would have fared much better if he’d admitted he f__ked up, apologized to his fans, his team, his management, promoter, the WBC, the tribal commission in Tucson, and then signed up for extensive VADA testing for the next three-to-six months. And if he got through that period without a positive, return to the ring as humbly as possible. I feel it’s easier to forgive a guy that comes out and admits his wrong doings rather than make up stuff like the herbal tea story. I agree, but what if that really is what he believes? People can apologize and people forgive. They can. They don’t always do so, but hopefully most can. If you don’t believe this look at how Mike Tyson is looked at today. He was a convicted rapist, bit off a guy’s ear, admitted faking his tests in his own book, did all sort of nasty things in the last third of his career, threatened to eat Lennox Lewis children and now he’s everybody’s Teddy Bear. Yeah, but that didn’t happen overnight, Juan. Tyson was “The N__ga They Love to Hate” for 10-15 years. The American public began to mellow on him as he began to mellow out with age (and a LOT of marijuana). But his brutal honesty (especially when he aimed it at himself) has always been a part of his appeal. I don’t think you can compare other boxers with Tyson, who was a bona fide global superstar. The public likes to see celebrities fall, but they also enjoy redemption stories among the famous. Read the full article

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