#less drama and more bittersweet yknow?

[maskyartist]

wanna go batshit nuts. wanna make an apocalypse rwby au so badly its unreal. (more ramblings in the tags as usual)

[ruanbaijie]

Thank you so much for The Spirealm post each time😍 Look forward everyday for new update hehe😁 Can I ask a few things that I don't quite get it? The drama didn't explain about the ring, kaleidoscope and there's light in you. Can you share a little bit if there's explanation about this in the book?

Already watch the last ep. The ending kind of confusing😵‍💫

hello! thank you to you too ^^ (I really am spamming the gifsets at this point, I have so many more waiting in my drafts 😅) here are my thoughts on those points!

the ring: yeah I think the drama left it open to interpretation, but in the novel rnz gives lqs a ruby earstud - I read the novel a while back, so I can't for the life of me remember if there's some practical purpose behind that earstud (e.g. whether he can feel his feelings through it) or if rnz also kept the other earstud (I might be confusing this with another danmei I love). so I think the ring in the drama might just symbolise that part in the novel

kaleidoscopes: in the drama I think they explained this in passing - gao dawei (lqs's friend who supposedly created this game) put in so many kaleidoscopes in their on purpose to "remind" lqs that this game is actually about him, since it's mentioned that lqs really loved kaleidoscopes when he was a child. I also noticed that the door area (yknow that dark blue "room" with the church-like painted glass before they enter each door) looks kinda like a kaleidoscope with the doors all facing one another (resembling the cross-section of a kaleidoscope) and the painted glass (resembling the colours of a kaleidoscope) vs. in the book, iirc it's mentioned the doors are a long corridor instead of facing one another. tbh, I think they just included all these kaleidoscopes in just as a nod to the original novel name (kaleidoscope of death)

light in you: this is an actual novel quote! in the novel there's a line that rnz says: “身上光越明亮，受到门的影响越小，你是我见过的，光最明亮的那一个，所以，你非常适合门。” ("the brighter the light on someone shines, the less affected they are by the doors. among all the people I've seen, you are the who has the brightest light. so, you are extremely suitable for the doors.") also! another quote I really love that's also from the novel is the one where rnz goes "I will protect you for a lifetime, whether it's for your lifetime, or for mine."

ending: man...... I don't even know where to begin with this. *spoiler alert for the novel ending below!* the novel ends with the revelation that rnz was the "door god" of the 12th and final door - what really happened was lqs had gone through doors 1-11 all by himself and founded and headed the obsidian group all by himself, there was no such person as rnz in real life. but in door 12, rnz the door god saw him, fell in love with him, and wanted to spend more time with lqs, so in the novel, door 12 was lqs redoing all of doors 1-11, except with rnz in the story now (i.e. the novel is entirely about door 12 pretending to be doors 1-11). the show's ending is kinda similar to that in the sense that rnz was part of the "game" (it's not a game in the novel, the "origin story" of the doors is very different) all along, but that's where the similarities end. the show kinda took that happy ending in the novel and twisted it into this bittersweet painful angsty ending where rnz is the code that "purifies" the distorted game. but the twist that I have even more trouble (i.e. pain) getting over is how it's kinda implied that the whole thing was in lqs's mind in the first place, like how when he re-emerged from that final door it turns out he's been in the same car accident from episode 1 and no one has any recollection of the game and his friend gao dawei didn't even invent the game. I say implied because it's never really specified if the games really happened or not, but I'm a pessimist (even though it is kinda strange that lqs would have managed to "dream" the personalities and appearances of so many different people he would later meet in real life after coming out from the final door). did the game really happen and everyone just conveniently forgot about everything and history somehow got rewritten after rnz purified the game? or was it all lqs dreaming it all up in his head after he got into a car accident and in the split second he almost died? they do seem to imply it's the latter, which is *painful* because it means rnz never existed in the first place, and even if they ended episode 78 with them meeting again after 50 years, that rnz wouldn't be the same rnz that lqs had supposedly dreamed up; he would just be a copy that lqs had programmed to be that way based on that one wild dream he had after an accident _(:3 」∠)_

ANYWAY angsty depressing thoughts aside, I hope this helps clear up some things about the show!

[syhklvr]

:> hey

i finished my highscool , 4 months ago ! received our spm result last march . honestly , it’s fine . although i broke down at the end of the day while comforting someone else hahaha . i don’t really have a plan for future .... probably continue pre-u , then go to uni ( tesl ) . but........ a part of me kinda ...... don’t rly wanna be a teacher haha . i think ...... a graphic designer ? video editor ? film making staff ? idk ........ it seems fun ,, but it felt like my future isn’t guaranteed ? im so scared of not being able to be financially stable ,,,,, at least when im 25 . i don’t wanna keep using & depend on my parents money . they’ll retire soon ,, it’s time for me to provide for them :D okay . i was actually wanna write about my 2 years experience at my new school , as a highschooler :) ( 16 & 17 ) i do act on whim , and i don’t really think of the consequences ........ of the choice ........ haha . sometimes i think it turns out to be a great thing and sometimes it’s not really ..... a good habit ..... :))) 

2018 : form 4 ( 16 years old ) 

that year was ....... hectic .. weird , sad , funny ,,,,, fun ..... and pretty much meh .i got into new school , new friends , new people , new surrounding , pretty much a brand new life . it was good ,,, because i have few of my friends from elementary school :D i was really bad at making friends , starting conversation , i am a total noob hahaaaaaaaa . i also joined drama club , and made close friends (  that period of time ) participated the competition ( and of course we won lol ) that was such a great memory , made me hope for great things on my new school . hehe . also joined scrabble ( which we didn’t win ) cuz hell yeah , zero experience , zero skills , sloppy vocab and haaahaha zero preparation . ALSO!! i took art for spm!! which i never expected , i never know art exist for spm ............ haha ....... it was fun!!!!!!! super fun ..... my classmates , was SUPER & so fun! i don’t know ........ but yeah , we fought , haha a lot , esp with the boys . the class was noisy ,,, which was kinda........bothering sometimes but also ... fun ? idk . maybe back then i was irritated but yknow now when i reminisce back .... it was totally a fun time . among the three classes we were the least serious , play a lot , noisy , not-really-favoured by the teachers haha . well , our class passed 100% for spm !!!!!!! and 2 ppl from our class got A+ for eng !!!!!!!! anddddd .... tautan kasih ,,, raya stuff haha ........ it was . fun? idk .... i also broke up that year haha . its sooooooo funny thinking it back :))) im so weird hahahahshshshshs . anyway ........ that year was so bittersweet . taught me alot , i missed my old school , but .... i think i liked here better ..... or i don’t even know haha . honestly i can’t really recall that much memories from my previous school . my memory is BAD . it’s not that my previous school wasn’t fun .. but on 2017 i got into so much trouble ( which not caused by me duh , i was dragged to it ) i was so stressed , depressed & i never felt so scared + insecure my whole life ....... than that year .... haha .......... i know ... that school is great & fun ... but maybe the memories were wiped out .... due to the stress .. i just trying to forget ... u know .. haha ........ 

2019 ????

fun!!!!!!!!stressed!!!!!!!!! misunderstanding with friends occur a lot this year . it’s just a bad timeeeee ..... became a bit productive... maybe . cause its spm year ......i got a great dorm ,, + fun roommate !!!!!!! shoutout to putssss :D miss u huhu . tipula if i say i never felt left out from my friends , i do . haha . i thought a lot last year about friends.....also i cry a LOT . like approx. 4 times a week??? my feelings were also went roller coaster . this day i like him , yesterday i like him less , the next day i like him a lot . some day i felt like i don’t even want to look at his face hahahaha . funny ?? maybe . i don’t ... know lol . i cant say i like him cause i hate giving hopes & im just noncommittal . im so sorry ... yeah to you ..... its just a long way ....... and im afraid i forget u the next day ....... actually me myself hate to hope  ....... i just .. wanna be alone rn haaha. relationship is.......ill think abt tht later ....... im healing ....... and fixing myself   . learning loving myself ...... first ... maybe .. later ?? lover??? single is fun ...... right??? though i feel lonely sometimes but its better than having someone u need to be fully committed everyday .... im tired of loving people rn hhahahahah . im just so tired rn .......... i cant type anymore.........i dont know what to typeeeeeee . im tiredddddddd my hands are numbbbbb .. im supposed to write abt 2019 but i can barely recall anything///////// im just losttttttt hahahahhah ok ill see u laater!!!!!!!! ill write more .......... soon :D bye xx