#life is a shitshow comedy so it took me forever to get around to doing this

[toomuchtimenerd]

Review for ‘The Unhoneymooners’ by Christina Lauren

Admittedly I ended up reading this book much quicker than I expected. Perhaps it was the fact that I was desperate to make myself forget I had ever read The Cruel Prince, or maybe I just needed some light reading to make myself feel like I was 15 years old again and reading my very first book on kindle: On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. Perhaps a bit of both. Regardless, The Unhoneymooners was a delightful book that flew by so quickly despite being around 400 pages. I think I needed something super lighthearted and contemporary to temporarily draw my mind away from high fantasy. I love fantasy, I really do and my entire folder of drafts for fantasy stories that I’ve brainstormed over the last several years is proof of my love for fantasy. But sometimes it’s still nice to get away and read something about nonmagical people in a nonmagical world surrounded by nonmagical things. This book did just that for me, and the fact that it’s mostly set in Maui pulls at my heartstrings a little because my first vacation with my boyfriend was actually in Maui too. What a happy coincidence.

Even though this book didn’t stir a lot of great, wild emotions within me the same way a lot of YA fantasy tends to, I’d still like to comment on some parts that I liked (which was a lot) and a few parts that were kinda ‘meh’ with me. This review is probably going to be a lot shorter than what I’ve written before, but that’s okay. 

The Unhoneymooners is about a 30-something-year-old Latina named Olive who narrates the entire story with the exception of the epilogue (which is narrated by the male love interest). Some background on Olive: she’s supposedly incredibly unlucky and unfortunate in life... almost like somehow all her luck has been sucked dry by her twin sister Ami. Ami’s the one who wins all the jackpots for random stuff in life, so much so that she managed to snag enough jackpots to plan a dream wedding and a free honeymoon for the price of only around $1000. As someone who also proclaims herself to be somewhat pretty unlucky in life, I relate to Olive pretty hard. I used to not be a pessimist, but whenever I look back on some of the stuff that has happened in my life that were TOTALLY out of my control I can’t help but chuckle and be like “wow my life is pretty darn unlucky sometimes”. Now it’s just easier for me to deal with certain things if I don’t get my hopes too high up beforehand. But enough about me. 

The story starts with Ami’s wedding, and unfortunately the jackpot she won for a free luxury shellfish catering at her wedding goes completely awry and almost everyone gets serious food poisoning. All except for our lovely heroine and of course, the love interest. The male lead is Ethan, the older brother of Ami’s new husband and also a guy that Olive does not really like at first. They met about 2-3 years ago, when Ami and Ethan’s brother (Dane) first started going out, and because Olive misinterpreted Ethan’s facial reaction at her eating cheese curds she forever believed that he didn’t like her and she wrote him off as a fat-shamer or something of the sort. Kind of weird, but okay I guess. Ethan’s your typical hottie, also 30-something years old and apparently has the looks of a frat boy (like Dane) but the personality of a homebody semi-dork (unlike Dane). Ethan does something math-related for a living and loves staying at home. He also has a lucky penny. How cute. 

So when everyone’s yacking and having explosive diarrhea all over the place, Olive and Ethan decide to make good use of the free honeymoon to Maui and make an agreement to tolerate each other for the length of their trip. The book very quickly gets juicy, considering a series of events happens and they are essentially forced to put on a constant charade of pretending to be newlyweds. All this pretending wears and tears down their emotional barriers with one another, and next thing you know they’re sharing feels and kisses and tongue action together. We find out that they both shared mutual feelings of attraction when they first met, but Dane had actually warned Ethan to not get involved with Olive due to her penchant for negativity (which stems from the fact that she’s so unlucky in life all the time). At one point at a baseball game or something, Olive goes to get cheese curds and as she’s enjoying her food she stumbles into Ethan who apparently makes a weird face at her and she gets incredibly insecure and feels like he was fat-shaming her. Turns out (and I can’t believe this took over 2 years to reconciliate) he was trying to mask his attraction towards her and avoid her out of respect for Dane. But Olive just assumed the worst, thinking Ethan did not like her and decided to return the feelings with mutual dislike. This alienated Ethan, and obviously who’s going to pursue a girl who’s giving you the vibes that scream ‘stay away from me!! i dont like u!!!’? Not any normal, sane, decent guy. 

Personally, I felt like this backstory between Olive and Ethan was super weird and not the most well fleshed out or even something that remotely makes much sense. I get feeling insecure and I understand not liking someone simply on the basis that you think they don’t like you. But I don’t understand how someone completely misinterprets a facial expression THAT much and then holds it against the other person for THAT long. Heck, I’m absolutely one to hold grudges against people but even I don’t think I’d hold a grudge for that long over something like that. But hey, this whole book is meant to be comedy fluff so I ain’t too bothered by this nonsense backstory. 

I’d say about 70-80% of the book is literally just about the relationship build-up between Olive and Ethan, and the rest is about the shitshow that is Ami and Dane, specifically just Dane. Turns out he’s been cheating on her for the majority of their 3-year relationship, and tbh Ami’s initial reaction to Olive informing her of Dane’s unfaithfulness kind of pissed me off. It’s one thing to not want to believe it, but it’s another to completely disregard it and turn it back on your sister by claiming they’re just trying to sabotage you or something. Thankfully, this whole issue is resolved pretty quickly and Ami’s way of finding the truth out herself was simply magnificent. She texted each of her husband’s side-chicks through his phone, pretending to be him, and had them all come by their house at the same time on the same day just so she can confront Dane and all his flings about his faithfulness. So beautifully done, it almost brings a tear to my eye. 

So in conclusion, The Unhoneymooners was a lighthearted and enjoyable read that truly had me either smiling or silently laughing for maybe a third of the book. The language was great, the chemistry between Olive and Ethan was oh so ooh la la, and way Lauren weaved in the love and support of a big close-knitted (and very dramatic) family was heartwarming. I may try to search for more books like these since light fluff is always much needed to help treat my seasonal depression (thanks January). But I’m always worried about shelling money over a book that ends up reading a little too much like corny fanfiction. For example, I absolutely adored Meg Cabot books when I was in middle school, but now that I’m in my 20s I really don’t think I could read any of her books for more than half an hour. If I tried, I would end up rolling my eyes out of their sockets. Books about a contemporary romance between teenagers seemingly always end up becoming so dramatic, but then again it’s probably because teenagers are incredibly dramatic. I should know this, after all, I definitely was a dramatic teenager. I wish I were being sarcastic. I’m just going to sprinkle some of my favorite quotes from The Unhoneymooners so I can help myself forget about how unnecessarily dramatic I was as a teen.

“I want to say something sassy, but the only coherent thought that comes to mind is how insulting it is that eyelashes like his were wasted on Satan’s Errand Boy...” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.2) 

- TELL ME WHY IS THAT QUOTE SO RELATABLE? WHY ARE BEAUTIFUL LASHES ALWAYS WASTED ON MEN?? MY BOYFRIEND HAS THE MOST STUNNING LASHES EVER MEANWHILE I NEED TO GLUE FALSIES ON MY DAMN EYELIDS JUST TO ACHIEVE HALF OF WHAT HE’S GOT

“I can appreciate my body in a bikini and still want to set fire to the patriarchy.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.7)

- All I can say is yas preach 

“I am a homebody, through and through, and there’s nothing like being at home.” (Lauren, 2019, Ch.15)

- Also too relatable. I enjoy traveling, I enjoy vacations, I enjoy spending a night out with friends, and I enjoy a good party. But at the end of the day, there’s nothing I enjoy more than my own bed

[winstonhcomedy]

HDWDLN? 11/8 “Bloody Noses and Kenn Edward’s Glorious Return”

I AM BEHIND. I’ve been a busy bee movie over here. Thursday was a sweet night. Two open mics, and the grand return of one of my oldest comedy friends. 

The first show of the night was The Camel run by Jameson Babbowski. The headliners for the night are Richmond alt-comedy favorites Mike Engle and Patrick Buhse. 

I get to the show and I get a sweet hang going on with two of my best buds Paige Campbell and Kenn Edwards. Paige and Kenn both started around the same time in Waynesboro. I started about a year later, and we became fast friends. 

Kenn has done sets sporadically over the past couple of years, but he had been focusing more on his band Alex Jonestown Massacre for a while. He got out of comedy for a bit when he was going through his separation. I’ve missed this dude a great deal, and was super happy to see him doing a set again. 

There used to be a lot of comedy in Waynesboro/Charlottesville area. About 4 1/2 years ago Kenn Edwards started a room at The Hot Spot. This area was so starved for comedy that apparently every show there was amazing. Super hot/supportive crowds given a bunch of local dudes/weirdos/laydees an opportunity to perform. 

This is where Paige Campbell had his first set. This is where the early scene used to perform. People like Mary Waalkes Jarvis (quit comedy), Loris Jarvis Jr (quit comedy), Winston Smith (passed away in drunk driving accident), Trevor Stewart (quit comedy), David Lingenfelter (performs once a year), Tom Wagoner (quit comedy), Rosy Wagoner (quit comedy), got their earliest sets and confidence. I know I'm leaving a ton of people out. Tj Ferguson and Chris Alan also performed here. It was where Kenn filmed his short film “The Joke”. 

So Kenn gave a lot of people stage time. He gave them really good stage time too. He gave them an opportunity to do something fun and weird in a part of VA where that wasn’t really happening.

I never got to perform here. Maybe that’s why I have such reverence for it. I just always hear about how hot and great the room was. It makes me wish I had started just a little earlier. The Hot Spot closed like a month before I started doing standup. 

Kenn is also someone that I spent a ridiculous amount of time with during my most formative years of comedy. The first 18 months I did standup I didn’t have a full-time job. I substitute taught, but only when I wanted to. What my first 18 months of comedy was driving all over the state of VA doing open mics, staying up til 5 am with Kenn and Paige almost every night, doing Kenn’s amazing podcast (so let’s get to the point), staying over at Paige’s house and vice versa. 

This is legitimately the most fun 18 months of my life. we made lifelong friends (TJ, Chris, Kenn, and Paige), did some of the most fun rooms that no longer exist (Fellini’s, Firefly, Boneyard, Artful Dodger), we did the worst rooms imaginable (Eddy’s. Legitimately the worst comedy room I’ve ever done and I did it every Monday for like 4 months). I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. So it was a bummer when Kenn took time off, and I’m so happy he is back.Rosy Wagoner also shows up. I talk her and Kenn into doing a So Let’s Get To The Point. She is fully intending to go up, but ends up leaving halfway through the show.

The crowd is lighter than usual, but they’re into the show. Paige goes up first and has an ok set. He’s working out some new stuff and get some good pops. I go in the back to hang after his set. While back there Jameson comes and tells me I may have to fill in to be one of the headliners. Apparently Patrick Buhse was bleeding out of his face at an alarming degree. 

I have no idea what happened. Buhse told me that he was just talking and then his face exploded (I'm paraphrasing). Jameson is freaking out. He is running around and looks so nervous. He is definitely trying to run a dope show and I love the dude but Jameson was giving me crazy anxiety. 

I go to the other room and Buhse hasn’t left. He is just nursing his nose wound. He seems fine. I tell him to just shove a paper towel in there, and James Muñoz tells him to perform. He gets his shit together, and I don't have to headline. The good news is I get to go first on the open mic after. 

Buhse has a pretty good set, and the visual of bloody tissue paper falling out of his nose really tickles me. He gets off stage, and I go up. I have a pretty strong set. I am very happy with it. The crowd is kind of light but most of what I do on stage works. I think a few of these jokes are close to being finished. This means I have to start doing some other new stuff, or stretching this material out. I’d give my set a B which isn’t bad for this show. 

A few other people go up. My buddy Rick has a fine set, and so does Bryan. My friend Nick Deez (the boxx) is in town and he goes on stage and struggles a bit trying some stuff. This is definitely a workout room tonight. 

Then Kenn goes up. Kenn has one of the better sets of the night. When Kenn used to do comedy he would basically just do puns, and whatever else he could think of to make the audience not like him. His stage presence never matched his writing. He had jokes that I always thought could do better if he would just try to sell them.

Kenn is one of my best friends in the entire world. I legitimately love this guy to death. Our friendship has such a weird dynamic. There are very few people I can disagree with so vehemently on things and be ok with. I have had the best conversations of my life with the dude, and for that I am ridiculously thankful. I can be stubborn about a lot of shit. In comedy and in life. Kenn is the person who helped persuade me that having a unique perspective can be as important to being a good comic as it is being a great joke writer. He’s socially conscious and never gets offended. I’m thankful I know him. 

I say all that to point out that his comfort level on stage is changed. Since he is in a band now it feels like he doesn’t need comedy as much. Which honestly is good for him. He doesn’t seem as nervous and he seemed like himself on stage. He did some crowd work, and worked some loose premises, It all went pretty well, and it looked like he was a dude who had figured a lot out about himself over the last 6 months. After his set we finish watching the show, and then I give him a ride over to Garden Grove.

On the ride Kenn admits that it didn’t even feel like a high anymore. Rock and roll has polluted him. He had one of the better sets and he said it didn’t even kick in his adrenaline. I hope that eventually changes because I want him to keep doing comedy, and I want him to have a good time while doing it.

I get over to Garden Grove and find out I”m going first. Which is fine. I don’t feel super great and I have a long day at work the next day. I chill and catch up with some friends. Garden Grove is a weird room. Sometimes it is super dope, and other times it is like pulling teeth. James went up first did a few minutes, and tried to get them into the show. 

Noel Goodman a 757 comic comes and grabs me for a selfie. At first I had no idea who this crazy person was. Once I realized he and I caught up and he asked me to take pics for him, and he would do the same for me. I am more than happy to oblige. 

The show was lightly attended, and I was just trying to get them to pay attention. I go up and I get chuckles on most of my new stuff. I definitely am not selling the jokes the way I should. I do fine, and then I do an older joke that I want to bring back about roombas. That gets a really good response, and I get greedy. I try one last joke and get jack shit. Se la vie. All in all it was super productive, but I didn’t feel great about the set. I’d give it a D. If it wasn’t for the Roomba joke It would have been an F for me. 

The worst part is after bombing I have to now sit and take pictures. This is a literal hell. I wanted to leave so bad and just sulk. Unfortunately now I look like a damn tourist at his first open mic ever. 

After the set I talk to Noel again and walk around and say my goodbyes. This was a super fun night. I had two productive sets. I stuck to my material, and I really think I am making progress on it. It feels good to not be stagnant doing the same stuff forever. I get so in my head about it. It gives me anxiety, but it helps me write a lot. I think I have one of the better turnover rates in the scene, and I want to keep it that way. Although bombing feels like shit, the reward of getting a brand new joke to work is so worth it. 

THANKS SWEET BAYBEES AND LAYDEES!!! I am a little behind. I promise I will be caught up by this week. Tomorrow I will talk about my weekend of shows and I might actually get to the wild shitshow that was Monday!!! WHOOO ZADDY!!! XOXOXO