#light novels here I cone wait for my money

[bluelancelion]

86 anime spoiler!!

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You have been warned

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Listen here. LISTEN.

When Shin found Lena was alive, it felt like he found home.

It felt like returning home.

The 86.

Shin and the others never had a home, a place to return to. Their home was the 86, in that battlefield, that's everything they've known their entire lives.

They can't find a place to belong, not the Republic that condemned them, nor the Federation where everything was too sugar coated for them, it was like being trapped again.

There, on the battlefield, that's everything they know. Those quiet moments between wars, that's where they live. Together, basking in the sunlight and hearing each other's laughs before an explosion rips their life from them.

That's what 86 know. That's where they live.

So now. In the battlefield. Where death seemed like the only way to be free from this life but also, not the solution Shin wanted to go for willingly because he would still lose his friends, in that limbo between life and death...

Lena is alive. Their Major is alive.

She was there when the 86 were there. She was there to ask them their names, their favorite things to eat, their hobbies, their lives, what they did every evening.

She is home to return to.

If Shin can't go back to the 86 that left him, if he can't reach them yet, he'll go to the one that's still standing.

She's still standing for them.

Between the Republic, the Federation, and the battlefields, when Shin sees Lena, he sees home.

[skzsauce01]

The (Love) Story Begins

Synopsis: Eight drabbles (exactly 100 words each) inspired by eight of TWICE’s songs. Songs are linked (if you want to listen for ~the vibes~) but prior knowledge of the song isn’t necessary.

Warning: mentions of blood, zombies, weapons, alcohol

Word Count: 826

Pairing: gn!reader x OT8

chan - like ooh ahh

The theater screen gets splattered with blood, and instead of holding his arm like Chan hoped, you squeal with delight and reach for another handful of popcorn. Chan’s first date plan has been effectively ruined because he didn’t know you were also a horror movie fan. You keep one eye on the feast of human flesh as you sip the shared soda.

“Practical effects are so fun,” you remark.

A flying machete lands squarely inside the zombie’s chest, and you grin as the main character rips it out.

Chan motions for you to pass the gummy worms. “Yeah, they are.”

minho - dance the night away

Your cousin’s beach wedding has an open bar, which partially explains why you agreed to dance with a stranger. The other reason is because said stranger is really cute. He’s an excellent dancer too, and if that isn’t enough to make you swoon, then the three mojitos you had prior, will. You sway on your feet, giggling as he catches you before you fall.

“Easy there.”

You nod and rest your head on his chest. “You know, you never told me your name.”

“It’s Minho.” He smirks. “I can give you my number too, if you want.”

You do want.

changbin - heart shaker

You’re always the one who makes Changbin's latte. Today’s heart is only a little wispy, but you look like you’re ready to hide under the counter in shame when you present it to him.

“Please enjoy,” you squeak out. Then you leave a paper bag of scones on his table.

“Wait, I didn’t order this.”

“No, it’s for you. On the house.” You give him a flustered smile before scurrying back to the growing line of customers.

Changbin assumes you’re apologizing for the latte until he finds the napkin at the bottom of the bag.

I think you’re cute 555-4419

hyunjin - what is love?

Hyunjin — lover of love songs, avid watcher of rom-coms, and devourer of romance novels — knows what to do when he spots you struggling to reach the top shelf of a bookcase: he strides over and pulls the book out for you, offering it to you with a smile.

The corner of your mouth twitches. “Thanks, but it’s actually the one on the left. If you don’t mind…”

“I-I don’t mind.” Hyunjin’s face burns as he grabs the correct book. “Here you go.”

You smile back and hug the thick novel to your chest. “Thanks so much.”

“My pleasure.”

jisung - signal

[Jisung]: I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while now, but I like you [You]: i like you too! [You]: [screenshot.jpg] [You]: omg does he mean like like or friend like?? please tell me it’s like like [You]: omg that was for yeji [You]: i’m so sorry

A message has been unsent. A message has been unsent.

[Jisung]: I want to be more than friends [You]: wait really? [Jisung]: Yes ❤️ [You]: you’re serious right?? [Jisung]: ❤️Y❤️E❤️S❤️

[You]: [screenshot.jpg] [You]: YEJI HELP

How many hearts does Jisung have to send for you to get the message?

felix - fancy

Felix has been sipping on a glass of champagne, trying to work up the courage to talk to you for the past fifteen minutes. He wandered into the gallery for the party, but after he got a glimpse of your surrealist art, he’s dying to meet you. When he sees that you’re finally alone, he throws back the rest of his drink and walks over.

“Hi.” Heart in his throat, he holds out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Felix.”

You smirk. “I was wondering when you would stop brooding and come up to me. Nice to meet you.”

seungmin - yes or yes

Seungmin knows that his plan is stupid and that he probably should’ve thought it over more before dropping a folded sticky note at your desk, but he ran out of time. The carnival in town is only going to be here for another weekend, and he desperately wants to ride the Ferris wheel with you. He watches as you read it, pick up your pen, and fold it back up. You drop your reply onto his desk without a second glance. Nervous, Seungmin opens it.

Do you want to go to the carnival with me?

☑ Yes

☑ No Yes

jeongin - likey

The pink and yellow ice cream parlor has a decorative wall solely for pictures, and Jeongin is tempted to spend an inordinate amount of money just for the opportunity. You would look so cute among the neon lights and fluffy clouds. He can already imagine some of the silly poses you will do. He successfully convinces you to check out the store, and you admire the selection of flavors available. When he offers to buy you a cone, you see through his act of altruism and refuse.

“Let me buy two,” you say, “so we can take a picture together.”

~ ad.gray

If this was TWICE propaganda, I would tell you to listen to their first English single “The Feels” since it just came out, but since this is not TWICE propaganda, I won’t tell you to listen to their first English single “The Feels.”

okay but for real this really was a coincidence it’s just how my scheduling worked

[citylightsbooks]

A Chat with Beth Lisick

Edie on the Green Screen is an irreverent love-letter to San Francisco, chronicling the story of a 90s "It girl" as she ages-in-place and confronts the Bay Area tech monoculture. The author, Beth Lisick, is also an actress, co-founder of the Porchlight Storytelling Series, and one of the sharpest, quick-witted people that we know. You can read more about Beth here. Edie on the Green Screen is her first novel.

On April 1st, 2020, City Lights planned to celebrate the publication at the bookstore. Given the “Shelter in Place” order by the city of San Francisco, staff retreated to their homes, and City Lights continued to work, remotely. Stacey Lewis, VP, Director of PR, Marketing & Sales, conducted a Twitter chat on April Fool’s Day with Beth reporting from her living room in Berkeley, CA. Here follows a transcript of that conversation. 

City Lights: Beth!!! Where are you?

I'm in New York, kinda near Woodstock and Kingston.

What are you doing to stay sane?

I’m cooking a lot! And trying to go out on hikes. Hanging out with my husband and son and also my brother’s family.

For how long did you work on your novel?

This is embarrassing to say but I wrote the first words of it almost 10 years ago!

Are you in a writing group? Or do you share things with particular friends for feedback?

I’ve never been in a formal writing group but I have a few friends, writers and non-writers alike, that I will share things with.

Prior to working with the independent, Brooklyn-based 7.13 Books on Edie on the Green Screen, you’ve had books w/ Manic D Press: Monkey Girl & This Too Can Be Yours

Thank God for Jennifer Joseph and Manic D. I think today is Jen’s birthday!

Happy birthday Jen Joseph!! And Everybody Into the Pool & Helping Me Help Myself with Harper Collins.

My brief foray into mainstream publishing.

And Yokohama Threeway: And Other Small Shames pub’d by City Lights (hell YES!)  

Ah! That felt niiiiiice.

What are some of the differences you noticed working with indie vs corporate presses?

A lot of it has to do with the publicity and marketing part. On mainstream presses I always felt like I had to convince them that I was worthwhile. Their budgets aren’t necessarily going to you anyway and I feel much more comfortable with my indie press relationships. More personal.

Can you talk about your publisher 7.13 Books and how you came to work with them? 

My friend Alex Behr was published by 7.13 and she introduced me to Leland [Leland Cheuk, publisher of 7.13 Books]. He is from the Bay Area but lives in Brooklyn now. He understood my Bay Area vibe! He is committed to doing debuts, but since this was my debut novel, he squeezed me onto the roster.

For how long have you lived away from the Bay Area?

It will be eight years this summer! So long. But luckily I come back a lot for Porchlight and to see my friends and parents.

Your novel clearly pulls from your own experiences in the Bay. How did you recall the memories? Do you keep a journal?

I keep various notebooks and write notes in my phone. I also like to quiet my brain and sort of meditate memories or experiences into my consciousness. (clearly from Northern California)

I was thinking that. Did the physical distance from San Francisco give you freedom to write about it?

YES. Even more than I imagined. I had a lot more free time once I moved to New York because I didn’t know anyone. It was a nice way to get a different perspective. Being across the country.

Do you think it would have been harder constructing this story if you were still living here?

Yes. I had gotten myself into a place where I was so upset with the changes in the Bay Area that I was too crabby to write about it. The first drafts were very cynical and angry. It’s hard not to feel like it’s been taken over. I like to think that even though there are huge buildings and all that money and new people who don’t seem to care about the things I cared about, that those things will still surface.

I bet. I'm going to light some incense. Hope you don't mind.

Burn that sage, sister. By the way, I am using voice text because my Internet connection is kind of slow. Caveat for every typo or mistake!

I wish we could hear your voice.

My audiobook is almost done! It’s the first time I’ve ever been able to record my own audiobook so I’m really excited about it.

CL: Oh! I can't wait to hear that!!! San Francisco was, for many of us in the 80s & 90s, a place to continue “growing up,” as we could afford to do so. Edie, in the novel, is so relatable. What is it about her that makes her so stubborn to change?  

Edie’s whole personality was shaped by bands and bars and art and a certain aesthetic that was prevalent in San Francisco in the 90s. When that disappears, she’s not quite sure what to do.

Sorry, I had to step away to wash my hands.

What song did you sing?

Rapper's Delight.

Hero!

No, you are my hero. And, you are truly bi-coastal, regularly coming back to SF to co-host the wonderful Porchlight Storytelling Series, and to see your family. What’s it like having deep roots on both coasts?

If I can’t be a true bisexual at least I can be bi-coastal. And I do love living in New York so I’m still glad that I moved. I like being so deeply from the Bay Area and knowing it so well. And I also love the anonymity of being in New York. No millions of old personal stories to trip you up or slow you down.

Or running into anyone you slept with. Speaking of the Porchlight, what have you learned about storytelling after so many years of organizing these events?

I think that's why I was able to write this book. I have learned so much from the way people tell stories at Porchlight. Not only structurally but as far as really paying attention to what feels authentic and what feels put on.

If you had a piece of advice to share with your younger self, what would it be?

Maybe to step back and listen even more. I was so energetic and enthusiastic about putting myself out there in my 20s but I learned so much once I shut up and chilled out a bit.

@Superprose1 asks: Curious ~ how does novel writing compare to memoir ?

It felt very liberating to me to write a novel after writing so much memoir. I didn’t have to worry about being accurate, I could just be truthful. I could try out different thoughts and feelings on another character without having to claim it as my own. 

***

Speed round time!

Ready!

Write what comes to your mind when I say . . . Burrito

El Farolito

UC Santa Cruz [Both Beth and I are proud Slugs.]

Drum circle

“Law & Order” [Beth has appeared as an extra on the show]

Sitting in the jury box.

Hummus

Santa Cruz

Juice Cleanse

I’d totally do it.

Unknown knowns

Astral projection. I’m learning a lot about what a big hippie I am.

It's cause yer near Woodstock.

* * *

Pictures of you.  I present: “Beth Lisick: This is Your Life”

OH GOD!!! Are there nudes?

Tell us what’s going on here.

I worked for @fruitguys for years as a banana mascot. I got to travel all over the country. This is me at the San Francisco Marathon.

That’s me and @captaindingbat [writer, actress, and author Tara Jepsen] doing our characters Carole and Mitzi. They only eat pancakes! This is a still from our web series Rods and Cones. 

This is a still from a film I acted in by Kara Herold. Called 39 1/2. It shot for six years and I was 47 by the time it was done.

That’s me and Jan Richman when we went on the Richard Simmons fitness cruise! It was for a chapter in my book Helping Me Help Myself. I love Richard!! 

Okay! You got me here! Where was this? Look how giant that headband is! And how did I get that amount of cleavage, which is huge for me.

This was at my gangster party many years ago. My roommate Marisa referred to your hairstyle as "the claw."

Wow. I remember that party now. I love seeing photos I've never seen before in outfits I haven't thought about in years. I must have been breastfeeding still. 

Taken by Frazer Bradshaw at Sundance. It was his first feature film (and mine too) and it went to Sundance in 2008. It’s called Everything Strange and New. It’s really beautiful. We were backstage and there was popcorn on the floor so it seemed natural to be photographed with it.

* * *

I want to thank Beth Lisick—always my It Girl—for joining us!

Stacey! Thank you so much for doing this. I miss you and everyone at City Lights. Can’t wait to see you all real soon. Lots of love!

I’m going to leave you with a video of The Beth Lisick Ordeal, in their prime. Enjoy!

[ankhlesbian]

FE Rarepair Week: Day 2

Prompt: Longing, for @ferarepair-week

Fandom: FE Fates

Pairing: Velouria/Soleil

AO3 Link: Here

Length: ~2k

Title: Opposites Attract

Soleil, star of her high school's lacrosse team, finds herself head-over-heels for Velouria, someone way out of her normal social circle, and definitely out of her league. But this is high school: anything can happen, and Soleil's unorthodox courting method may just pay off...

(aka I tried to write angsty Soleil and then it lasted for like one scene)

“She’s so perfect,” Soleil sighs, slamming her locker shut and leaning against it mournfully. “She’d never want to talk to me!”

Caeldori switches her sweaty practice shirt for a clean one and wiggles a finger at her, disapproving. “She doesn’t even know you, there’s no way she hates you. You have to actually make a move before you say things like that.”

Soleil crosses her arms. “But what could I do? I’ll probably just embarrass myself. She’s goth, right? I’m just a dumb jock.”

Caeldori rolls her eyes. “Literally only you think like that. As long as you ask her out properly, I’m sure she’d say yes.” Caeldori’s eyes are sparkling, surely thinking about some grand romantic gesture. Soleil’s seen her reading enough of her cliché romance novels to know what Caeldori considers the “proper” way to ask someone out.

“Maybe I’ll leave notes in her locker.” Soleil says, choosing to ignore Caeldori. Caeldori secures her lacrosse stick onto her bookbag and turns to leave the locker rooms. Soleil follows suits.

“You could leave flowers!” Caeldori suggest brightly. Soleil opens her mouth to protest, because what goth girl wants a locker full of flowers, but the flowers she saw on the way home from school recently spring to mind.

“That might not actually be a bad idea.”

Caeldori huffs, swinging around. Soleil has to duck to avoid the handle of her lacrosse stick as she turns. “I’m full of good ideas! Especially on the field. Maybe if you’d listen to me instead of daydreaming about Velouria, we’d—”

Soleil lunges forward, slapping her hand over Caeldori’s mouth, furiously looking back and forth down the hallway to detect any eavesdroppers. It’s empty, thankfully.

“Don’t say her name!” She hisses. Caeldori pushes her hand away with disgust, wiping at her mouth.

“Not even our teammates are around. Don’t interrupt your captain. As I was saying—” Soleil lets the familiar lecture wash over her, focusing instead on her master plan for wooing Velouria.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Soleil watches with bated breath from around the corner as Velouria approaches her locker. She’s wearing her usual combination of black and red, contrasting with her silver hair. She’s truly breathtaking, and Soleil can’t help but swoon just a little.

The girl wrinkles her nose as she swirls her lock, and when she opens her locker she’ll see a black rose, taped to a note. She’d pulled out her best calligraphy, hoping it would be distinguishable from her usual scrawl in case Velouria decides to do any detective work.

Velouria unfolds the note carefully, and then scowls. Soleil’s heart drops. Then, oddly enough, Velouria holds the note, rose and all, to her nose and sniffs deeply. Her head turns, eerily, in Soleil’s direction. She ducks back behind the corner, palms sweating. There’s no way Velouria suspects her. That would be absurd. But what if she comes this way?

Soleil’s eyes dart around the hallway. School hasn’t started yet, and there’s plenty of people milling around their open lockers.

“Out of the way! Emergency happening here!” She shoves some poor soul aside, and crams herself into their locker, for once thankful for her short stature. She slams the door shut. “Just play along,” she whispers to the bewildered face peering in at her. Her reputation must come in handy, because her accomplice obeys wordlessly.

She peers out through the slits, holding her breath. After a few seconds, she sees distinctive black combat boots passing by. She sighs in relief and bangs on the inside of the locker door.

“Okay, you can let me out now.” The door swings open and she crawls out, dusting herself off casually like she didn’t just do something extremely weird. “Thanks!”

After that close call, she’s careful to not stick around after slipping the note and rose into Velouria’s locker. It’s been a week since she’s started, and she’s pretty satisfied with her progress. Maybe after another week or two she’ll try talking to Velouria, like, in person.

She’s in a good mood after lacrosse practice, humming merrily to herself as she exits the locker room.

“We need to talk.” Says an ominous voice from the shadows.

“Gah!” Soleil jumps, hands going for her lacrosse stick. From the darkness of the hallway steps the last person she expected to see here.

“Velouria? I mean, uh, who are you?” Velouria’s arms are crossed. She’s very clearly unimpressed.

“You know who I am. Unless you’ve been leaving flowers in my locker for the past week on accident.”

“How’d you even know that was me?” She’s never been very good at lying, so she concedes defeat.

“I have my ways,” Velouria declares mysteriously. It’s very goth of her, and extremely cool. “So.”

“So.” repeats Soleil, unsure of what happens next. IS there an expected response to this?

“So,”  Velouria prompts.

“So?” Soleil says again, confused.

“So…” Velouria coughs imploringly. “You must have been leaving those in my locker for a reason.” In the dim lighting, Soleil can just barely make out Velouria’s face. Are her cheeks… pink? She’s blushing? Soleil grins, and attempts to turn up the charm.

“Well, I thought they were an appropriate gift for you. Just as beautiful as you are. I figured I should woo you proper before asking you on a date.”

Velouria nods approvingly, trying to stay calm even though Soleil can tell she’s delighted. If she was a dog, her tail would be wagging. “Very well. I accept your offer.”

Soleil’s bouncing off the walls by the time they exchange phone numbers and arrange a time and place. She bursts back into the locker room, crashing into Caeldori to give her a hug.

“It worked! You’re a genius!”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

That Saturday, Soleil finds herself waiting nervously outside of the mall. She’s in her best outfit, one that goes with her pink hair, and has her hands tucked into the pockets of her letterman jacket so that no one can see them shaking. She’s cool, she’s suave, the ladies love her, she’s the star of the lacrosse team, she’s got this.

“Hey.”

Soleil jolts. She must really be out of it, because Velouria’s staring down at her with a raised eyebrow. Actually, wait a second. She glances down, and yep, Velouria’s wearing a different pair of boots. These ones have a heel, giving her another good two inches on Soleil.

“Hey. Let’s go in! How’s your day been?” She enters chatterbox mode out of habit, but Velouria doesn’t seem to mind. She keeps up gamely, usually offering one word responses or even a sentence or two.

They enter the mall, walking around aimlessly. It’s the only mall in town, so it’s not like there’s anything they’ve never seen before here. Window shopping is always fun, and she discovers that Velouria has a soft spot for dogs when they pass the window of a Build-A-Bear. The other girl trails off in the middle of a sentence as they pass, her gaze lingering on the wolf plushie on display in the window.

“Should we go in?” Soleil teases, though her dad did give her some money for this date, and she’d be more than willingly to spend it on a stuffed animal.

“No. Why would you ask that? I just saw some dust,” Velouria says quickly. Soleil giggles.

“Your tough goth girl image is safe with me.”

“Speaking of that…” Velouria points to an upcoming store. Soleil freezes.

“You want to go in?” It’s a scary place, one Soleil, as a self-proclaimed prep-adjacent jock, has never stepped foot in. The walls are dark, stacked from floor to ceiling with shirts plastered with eerie images and unfamiliar characters. Everything seems to be either black or red. It’s… Hot Topic.

Velouria seems pleased, poking thoughtfully through the merchandise. Soleil may dye her hair, but the man with green hair by the cash register is giving her the creeps. The things she does for love.

“I can get you something. If you want.” It takes all her bravery to ask, doing her best not to look too closely at the sharp accessory Velouria’s holding. To her surprise, Velouria just laughs at her, smiling softly.

“I just wanted to see if you’d agree to come in, I don’t actually need anything. You’re certainly out of place.” The other customers are giving her the stink eye, that’s for sure.

Soleil puffs out her chest. “And you’re certainly devious. I’m making you look at athletic wear next.”

She must have a weak spot for Velouria, though, because instead they end up buying ice cream.

“We should eat outside. It’s a beautiful day!” Soleil declares, scooping up an enthusiastic spoonful of her cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

“Hmmmm,” Velouria says, licking at her cone of coffee flavored ice cream thoughtfully. “But it’ll melt.”

“You better eat fast then.” She pulls out her secret weapon. “There’s a dog park out back, you know.” Velouria caves, and outside they go. It’s not actually that warm out, but the sun is shining.

They end up acquiring a frisbee from a dog owner who isn’t paying enough attention to what their pet is doing. Velouria is clearly enamored by the dogs, crouching down to pet them immediately, unconcerned with touching the damp ground. She even makes pathetic, albeit they endearing, attempts at throwing the frisbee for a lively lab.

“I’ve got this. Just watch!” Soleil takes the frisbee from her and winds up. Lacrosse players have excellent arms, and the frisbee goes flying. The dog barks happily as it chases it, jumping over the dogs in its path.

“I suppose sports are good for something, after all.” Soleil holds up her right arm, flexing the bicep proudly. Nothings really visible under the thickness of her jacket, but it’s the principle of the gesture that counts.

“If you want to see what else these guns can do, you could always come cheer me on at a game.”

Velouria rolls her eyes. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself. I’d look terrible in a cheerleader outfit.”

Soleil grins cheekily, giving Velouria a once-over. “I dunno, I think you’d look great in one.” Velouria blushes, turning her attention back to the dogs.

Velouria tires quickly, probably due to her lack of athletic activity and her dark clothing. They settle underneath a tree, and Soleil tentatively takes her hand. It’s damp from sweat and dog slobber, and kind of sticky from the ice cream, but Soleil has no complaints.

Five o’clock comes all too soon, and her dad texts her that he’s in the parking lot.

They stand up, still holding holds, and face each other. Soleil smiles up at her, gripping her hands a little tighter.

“I had fun. A lot of fun! We should do this again.”

“It went surprisingly well.”

“Hey!”

“You’re doing a great job of melting my cold, cold heart.” Velouria amends, a smile tugging on her lips.

“You’re just a big softie.” Soleil scoffs, sticking her tongue out. “You don’t have to act all aloof.”

“Not around you, I guess. You’ve figured out my secret.” She deadpans.

They fall silent, staring at each other. Soleil bites her lip. Should she kiss her? Is a first date too soon for that? Should she let Velouria make the first move? Maybe a kiss on the lips is just too much? The cheek then, maybe. Or…

Soleil raises their joined hands to her lips, gently kissing the back of Velouria’s hand.

“I’ll see you at school on Monday?” She asks hopefully.

Velouria nods, eyes bright.

“I’ll text you.”

And then they part ways. Soleil makes her way back to the car with a goofy grin on her face. Her lips taste faintly like coffee. For once, she can’t wait for Monday to come.

[wreckedgreg-blog]

the anti-hero's journey (4)

being lost at dusk

The bus stops again. I must be dazed by the sickly warmth, because when I get up the bus is empty. In the dusk I try to read my map. After short walk I see the place I booked. An old brick and mortar hotel. The surrounding streets look as desolate as the hotel. I see boredom and poverty. With the aid of the filthy streetlights I make my way to the hotel. The large building looks like it had seen better times. A vague smell of a slaughterhouse or a pre anti septic hospital; it smelled like death and suffering.

I walk up the desk. It looks like something from a beat novel. A worn down foyer. Old furniture that once was fashionable and is not yet retro or ironic. Barely cleaned; you can see the owners have given up on keeping up appearances: it is shit and why would they pretend that is not? It is musty and I imagine how disgustingly oppressive the air it must be when the sun is up. I ring the bell on the desk and wait. I look around and feel sick. I am not made for travel. An old man, as worn down as the hotel that he manages comes round the corner. He looks surprised. “ Hi, I booked a room. Zanabudin.” He nods and starts looking for a key. He hands me a key with a clunky wooden pine cone attached. “Room 26-b. Round the corner, up the stairs and then third on the right.” He shuffles back. Strange. Through the narrow corridor and the winding staircase, which seems to go up one and a half story, I make my way the room. The door looks normal. The room itself is surprisingly clean. I wash my face and lie down on the bed. Before I realize how tired I am, I am fast asleep. When I wake up it is completely dark. I undress and get under the covers. I wake up just a couple hours later. My head hurts. There is a hint of dawn on the horizon. I step over the pile of crumpled clothes next to my bed and get to the shower. I try to decide if I need a cold or a hot shower. I turn the warm water tap on and some lukewarm water dribbles from the shower head.  I wash myself for a minute before the water starts to get cold. I am not even annoyed, I turn off the shower and grab a towel. Through a small oblong window almost at the ceiling, I can see a part of the sky and a wall, when I stand on my toes I see a court yard. It is still dark and only a small lamp on the side of the building provides some light, no sign of life from any of the windows. I dry myself  and get my toothbrush from my bag. I leave a wet trail on the greenish carpet. I  start brushing my teeth vacantly. I don't know what to do, so I put on my boxers and lie down again. I can hear the occasional bird and car. According to the alarm clock it is just six fifteen in the morning. Still three hours before the convention starts. I think I should get some breakfast. Ten to eight I leave the hotel. It pleasantly fresh. There is the foreshadowing of rain, but it is dry for now. There is cheap hamburger chain on the corner and I get disgusting cheeseburger and a milkshake. I walk through the depressing neighborhood. Boarded up shops and the occasional hipster shop or other gentrification cancer. I take seat on bench looking out over the east side of town, which is slightly downhill from here.. I should be able to see the place  from here, but I can't recognize it. It should only be an other twenty minute walk. I throw the wrapper and empty cup in a bin and slowly make my way downhill. At the end of the street I see a sad square building appear. I think this is it. There are few people outside. I can't tell if they are genuinely poor or just hipsters. They smell like hipsters though.  I don't care. I get to the entrance. This is the place, “ Courounbourg community centre”. It looks less run down than my hotel.

There are slightly more people in the foyer. I join the queue in front of the table labeled “registrations”. There are some stalls from small publishers, “Homeless Publishing”, “ChaoticPress”, “Sad Penguin Books” and even some authors are trying to peddle them selves like desperate crack whores. I guess this worth the money after all, if only to experience this safari of sadness and depravity.

I make my round around the foyer several times, the desperation is almost tangible. When I get tired of the freakshow, I sit down on the stairs and open the paper program. Plenary welcome looks boring. The session afterwards just weird. Self help for losers would be a better title. There are some many things going on.

How do I write the perfect suicide note?

Poetry: the thin line between stalking and admiration.

Solitary: an opportunity to write without distraction.

That kid who bullied you? Kill him! Rewriting your life story.

Selling your soul: whoring your self out.

Honest discussion on the merits of sincerity.

The last one gripped my attention: that looked kind of fun. I get a overpriced horrible coffee and complimentary soggy organic biscuit at one of the food stalls. The girl who serves has dyed hair, facial piercings and cute tits. I smile as she hands me the cup made of recycled paper. I make way to the room: the grand  theatre ball room. I sit down at the back. It is also the room for the welcome talk. People are coming in. It starts filling up. I look around. I still feel out of place. The truly weird will never fit in. Never again will I be able to lose myself in a group. As soon as I started school, that period was over. So here I sit, a weirdo amongst weirdos, but still all alone.