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#like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time'
sovonight
·
11 months
Text
,
#ohhhhhhh i really do dislike the tonal shift in bg2/tob so much........ and by that i mean mostly in xan's mod 😭
#i mean maybe the sense of betrayal and disappointment is immersive but it really leaves me with No idea what to do with him
#in my version of radri's story. like. do i do my best even with all the parts i find ooc? do i cherry pick what i want and forget the rest?
#and even after all my complaints i keep thinking back to his author. the fact that somehow this is the *intended* experience
#currently feeling like the necromancer who resurrected their wife and is convinced she came back wrong but who just never truly knew her
#i keep going back to 'estel'amin'. the fact that xan named charname his hope--and then quickly stopped using that name for her
#once her bhaalspawn nature continued to affect her life after the conclusion of bg1
#so--basically--i'm to assume that he changed his mind? she's no longer his hope; his light; and if she is it's rare
#he just calls her beautiful now; something far more shallow
#and the fact that in tob he vacillates between subtly criticizing her for her nature which she has no control over
#(and which in radri's case she has never even willingly given in to)--
#and attempting to comfort her after her nature makes bad things happen to her & around her
#--but then his comfort is once again undermined by the aforementioned shallow compliments
#it's coming across as 'i love your body despite what you are in spirit' and really isn't a great look at all
#look maybe i'm crazy but in bg1 i got the impression that he was able to accept and move past it fairly quickly
#like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time'
#but in bg2 he spends most of his time lamenting about how hard it must be for her to live like this
#while also pointing it out as a personal flaw of hers. as if she'd had any say in who her father was
#like there are npcs literally shouting 'i hate all bhaalspawn!' and here he is--supposedly her closest supporter--
#also subtly saying 'i hate bhaalspawn' right to her face
#when literally as a neutral alignment and as a companion of 1-2 years-- he should actually have THE most nuanced take on her???
#in bg1 he says murder is unavoidable in the life of an adventurer. then in tob he comments that charname kills everyone haphazardly--
#--as though in another jab to her nature. meanwhile as a constant companion he should know better than anyone that it wasn't so simple
#idk. i'm almost feeling gaslighted by the narrative in a sense
#because when everyone else talks about xan in bg2/tob--including charname via the dialogue options/written internal dialogue--
#they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc
#meanwhile he's literally the most emotional guy in the game. like. he's freaked out SO many times
#so?? how am i supposed to take anything here genuinely?? how am i supposed to engage??? SIGH
#anyway today's my first day at my new job and i have to wake up in 2 hours & im certain that i'll be too nervous to eat today
#my goal for today is just to not be fired 👍 12 hours from now it will be over...
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