#like HELLO?? and you are going to GO ON A TIRADE AGAINST MY MOMMY OVER A FUNNY STORY ABT HER BEING AUTISTIC WITH A DRINKING PROBLEM???

[umbrakinetix]

Mentioning that my mother is an autistic alcoholic is a really great litmus test for who I want to be around, tbh. Because some people will be like “oh ok sounds complicated but that’s life!” & some people will go on a tirade about how addicts are horrible people who need to stop making excuses and insinuate she’s making up the autism

[gingrrfrog]

While We’re Young

summary: as far as jihyun can remember, she had always been around jaehyun. eating, bathing, and playing with each other since they were kids, she can’t help but to feel strange when she starts to see him in a different light. 

word count: 4.3k 

warnings: none :] just young teenage angst but it’s resolved at the end 

a/n: hello everyone! it’s been a while since I last posted to my main story but I’ve been thinking of a lot of prequel content for my jaehyun and jihyun pairing. I have another one written and I’m thinking about creating a masterlist for these little mini/prequel fics so I’ll keep you all posted! In the meantime, feel free to visit my These Nights masterlist where you can read more :]

Jihyun had standards and anyone Jihyun even considered dating was to be considered a blessing.

She supposed that she wasn’t entirely at fault for her insane standards in boys, what with every little move being romanticized by dramas and the rising kpop boy groups she found herself in love with. All throughout middle school she rejected confession after confession, realizing that she wouldn’t marry anyone who wasn’t her favorite member of her group, in which her father had generously bought her tickets to see anytime they had a concert.

Her father also had to do with her standards. Ever since Jihyun opened her eyes, she was doted on endlessly. Anything Jihyun wanted would arrive to her in hours via her father’s henchmen or her older brother’s, a new dress, toy, something to eat--it was all hers as Jihyun walked on gold tile with polished black shoes.

All this could account for her pickiness towards men. It was unfair, of course, to compare the 12 year old boys from her class to grown men on TV, but she didn’t care. Ever since she was little, her father embedded it in her that she deserved nothing but the best from anyone who expected a favor from her.

And for Kim Jihyun, dating was to be considered a favor in her regard.

Things changed, however, as she entered high school and she was surrounded by a larger mass of people. She made friend’s outside of her father’s worker’s children, and had fun with other seemingly normal girls who were also filthy rich with the exception that their father’s were lawyers, business men, or doctors. At that time, Jihyun liked to think that she had changed for the better, her attitude hidden and concealed whenever she talked to boys until she realized they weren’t anything like she wanted.

That was, however, until her second year in high school, when things started to look different to her.

It should be mentioned that Jihyun never once looked at Jaehyun with anything other than platonic friendship. They grew up together, they bathed together when they were kids, and Jaehyun was always so snotty and gross that Jihyun would dare dream of being anywhere near him in a romantic setting.

So when Jaehyun entered high school with her, she was suspicious.

She had heard talk of the newest freshman with good looks and an idol-like personality, with deep dimples and a deep voice that was stark in comparison to his soft face. Jihyun snorted at these comparisons, and even remembered calling Jaehyun the next day to talk about it and asked him if she knew of anyone of his class with these ridiculous features.

Naturally, Jaehyun said no.

Jihyun and Jaehyun always ate lunch together with Taeyong and Doyoung, chatting and munching away until Jihyun was pulled away by one of her friends, their eyes wide and their hands covering their mouth.

“What?” Jihyun grumbled, cranky that she was taken away from her lunch.

“How do you know the freshman?”

Jihyun raised her eyes, “which freshman? What are you talking about?”

“Jung Jaehyun, the boy we’ve been talking about for a week now?”

Jihyun choked on a wad of rice and stared at her friend incredulously, “Jaehyun?! You were talking about Jaehyun this whole time?!”

Jihyun pushed her friend to the side to go back to her meal, a bit peeved that she immediately asked Jaehyun for his phone number. Not to be possessive, but Jaehyun was her friend, someone she didn’t share with anyone else, someone who was supposed to be her best friend and her best friend only.

“What happened?”

“Do you want Hera’s number?”

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, “no? Why would I?”

Good, she thought to herself. That’s what I thought.

It only got worse the more popular Jaehyun got. He was every girl’s dream date and every boy’s worst enemy as nasty rumors of illicit business spread through the school faster than he could deny them. Of course, they were true, but no one needed to know that. The illicit ties only seemed to feed into girl’s fantasies more as they were heavily intrigued by Jaehyun and his secret family background. He would glance at Jihyun whenever he needed help, something similar to puppy eyes until Jihyun shooed them away and hooked her arm with his.

They weren’t dating just yet, but Jaehyun was already so head over heels at this point that it was a wonder how she didn’t notice.

Jihyun would continue her jealous tirade for the rest of the semester until people finally got over the trend that was Jung Jaehyun’s look. She would laugh when it was all over, snorting at the girl’s who all but drooled over her friend whenever he smiled and whenever he laughed. She would laugh whenever girls stare at him with big eyes whenever they tripped in front of him and he would lend a hand in attempts to get just a moment’s worth of affection from someone who doesn’t even wash their hair. She would laugh only because she knew that at the end of the school day, Jaehyun would walk her home, Jaehyun would carry her bag, and buy her after school snacks.

“Jihyun,” her mother called one day after Jaehyun had left her at her house. Jihyun walked to find her mother in the kitchen, waving at Jaehyun who was walking away from their front step before she told her daughter to take a seat.

“Be careful with your intentions.” She scolded, her eyes narrowing as Jihyun raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re giving that boy mixed signals”

Jihyun scoffed, giving her mother an incredulous look, “what do you mean? Jaehyun is my friend, he’s just...Jaehyun.”

“Why do you make him carry your bag?”

“He offers--”

“Jihyun, why do you make him walk you all the way home when you know your father can arrange for someone to pick you up? You’re inconveniencing him.”

“What--? Where is this coming from? Mommy, Jaehyun’s just a friend! We grew up together! We do things together all the time.”

Eunhye narrowed her eyes next and pointed a delicate finger at her daughter, “I’m warning you, Kim Jihyun. If I find out you’re doing this to mark your territory in your spoiled little green heart--”

“There’s nothing wrong with looking after my friend! They just don’t deserve him, that’s all!”

“How would you know that?”

“Because...they don’t? Don’t make this complicated, Mom. I’m going upstairs.” 

Eunhye would stay behind in the kitchen, watching Jihyun leave with a scoff before shaking her head, “what is wrong with her?”

The fall semester arrived much faster than Jihyun would’ve liked as she spent it in bed or watching TV by herself or with her older brother. She tried to ask her friends to hang out several times, but the vast majority of them were on lavish vacations in some other place in the world. Jaehyun was busy himself helping his father on jobs, barely being able to hang out with anyone except Jieun on occasion who was already so busy with child rearing.

When Jihyun stepped on the school campus, she heard whispering about Jaehyun again and rolled her eyes. Just when she began to think it was all over, it started up again with the same nonsense from last time. She frowned and quickly joined Taeyong until she heard her name called, Jaehyun waving at her with a smile as he ran towards her.

“Jihyun noona!” Jaehyun called, his hand reaching for her forearm as she stood shocked.

She never remembered having to look up at Jaehyun when she spoke to him, she also never remembered Jaehyun’s voice being as deep as it was now. Of course, it was deep before, but it seemed to drop a few more octaves as he spoke to her. It also seemed that he lost a considerable amount of face fat, his jawline sharp as it flexed and relaxed as he spoke to her.

Oh no, she thought to herself. Oh god, who is this?

“...I’m really sorry that I didn’t get to hang out with you this summer but maybe we can hang out after this semester! My dad said I get to…”

Jihyun gulped, nodding and laughing nervously as her face turned redder with every second. She looked over at Taeyong, who grinned knowingly as he pulled Jaehyun along on their walk.

Even after they went their separate ways to their respective classes, Jihyun couldn’t calm her heart pounding in her chest. Was Jaehyun wearing fucking cologne?

“What’s with you?” Hera asked, scooting next to her friend and bumping her shoulder. “Did you see Seojun before you came to class?”

Her crush on Seojun was quickly forgotten as Jihyun took out her compact and fixed her makeup, “No.”

“Then who?”

“No one,” she defended. “It’s just hot.”

Jaehyun performing his acts of service felt different to her now. Of course the conversations and the banter would be the same, but she felt her face running hot every time his hand brushed her shoulder or whenever he would pull her against his chest in a tight hug. The hug would be loose, but she felt like she was suffocating with every touch, her head spinning.

“Do you want to go out for tteokbokki?” Jaehyun asked her on their walk home. His hand was on her shoulder as he took her bag in his hand.

“You...don’t have to carry my bag, Jaehyun, your bag is pretty heavy.”

Jaehyun shook his head and smiled, flexing his arm muscle, “see these? I got these from working this summer. Your dainty little bag is no match for these.”

Jihyun snorted and shoved him, “you’re such a dork.”

“Tteokbokki then? My treat?”

“Fine, let’s go.”

The two sat outside a random bench and chewed their snack happily as they chatted about their schoolwork. Jihyun had quite a bit to complain about this time around, groaning and huffing and puffing about her teachers while Jaehyun listened happily, nodding his head and stealing from her food every so often as she barely ate.

“Fuck Jaehyun, the math is so fucking hard i don’t know if I’m going to--” Jihyun froze when Jaehyun lifted his hand and reached for the hair behind her ear. He looked concentrated, his finger brushing the tip of her ear as he picked a bit of stray dust. Jihyun swallowed as he ran his fingers through her hair, flicking the trash off of his finger tips before he looked up at Jihyun.

“Sorry, it was bothering me,” he smiled. “What about math?”

“Um, the math…” Jihyun clenched her eyes, struggling to remember her point. “The math…”

“Was hard. Right?”

Jihyun opened her eyes and watched Jaehyun give her a small grin, to which she replied with a roll of her eyes. “Yes, the math is hard.”

Jihyun had restless nights after that day, her head spinning everytime she caught a whiff of his cologne on her uniform or on her backpack. It didn’t take a genius to know what was going on, but she told herself she would deny it. Maybe it was just a phase.

Two week later, however, it was proved to not be a phase.

Jaehyun had a girlfriend.

According to Hera, Jaehyun had been helping his girlfriend (whatever her name was, she didn’t care to find out) with English until they started dating. Jihyun all but begged for information, Hera narrowing her eyes and giving her the same shit-eating grin everyone had been giving her ever since the semester started.

“What brings curiosity?”

“Fuck you, you know what brings the curiosity. Tell me or else.”

Seeing the proof hurt more than hearing about it. Seeing Jaehyun hold hands with another girl made Jihyun sick to her stomach. Seeing Jaehyun walk another girl home sent strikes of sadness through her as Jihyun finally asked to start being picked up from school. The attention from guys when the car arrived was nice, but it didn’t feel any bit better when she saw Jaehyun wrap an arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder with the same dimpled smile that belonged to her.

“Jihyun?” Her father called, placing his newspaper on his lap. “What’s wrong? Why did you ask me to pick you up?”

It took three seconds for Jihyun to start wailing in her father’s arms, cries muffled in his expensive suit as Jinho barely understood but comforted anyway. That same night, Jihyun’s mother sat on the heartbroken girl’s bed, pouring her a cup of tea as Jihyun watched the liquid pool in the delicate cup.

“Aren’t you going to tell me you told me so?”

“Why would I do that?” Eunhye asked, handing her a cup. “I’m on your side.”

“Why do I feel so…” Jihyun’s eyes threatened to pool over again as she looked at her mother. Eunhye sighed and kissed her forehead.

“Remember what you told me a few months ago? When you said the other girls don’t deserve Jaehyun?”

Jihyun nodded, rubbing her eyes and sniffling in her shoulder.

"I don’t think you noticed that it’s him that doesn’t deserve you. What kind of boy deserves the second most beautiful girl in Korea?” 

Jihyun laughed as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand, “who’s the first?

“Me,” Eunhye smiled upon hearing Jihyun’s giggle, “there’s no way you could be the first if I’m your mother.” 

Jihyun laughed again, placing her teacup on the nightstand as her mother smoothened the hair on top of her head.

“A long time ago, when your father and I broke up for a while, the first thing I did was visit the salon and go out to buy myself something nice. Let’s skip your cram schools tomorrow, let’s go straight for salon.”

And so they did.

Saturday morning Jihyun jumped in the car with her mother as the driver drove them to the salon, where they chatted about hairstyles and different ideas until Jihyun made the decision to cut off her hair to her shoulders. There’s no doubt that she would grieve over it considering it was her pride and joy, but her mother reassured her that it would grow back, giving her strength to sit in the chair and watch as the hairdresser chopped hair continuously.

After the haircut was the mall as her mother led her through store after store, their driver barely being able to carry their bags as Jihyun watched her mother swipe her father’s card endlessly. Stopping on a bench for a break and for a smoothie, Jihyun noticed a familiar pair across from her enjoying their date, the same sinking feeling in her stomach arriving as Eunhye quickly noticed.

“Chin up, Jihyun,” her mother said sternly. She found it difficult to do so, but Jihyun raised her chin and looked her mother in the eye.

“Never let them see you upset,” Eunhye said but all Jihyun felt like doing was crying.

“Let’s go get some lunch, hm?” Her mother prompted, “before he sees us and performs an introduction.”

Jihyun nodded and felt her arm being dragged to the nearest cafe, she made the mistake of looking behind her, catching Jaehyun’s eyes as he furrowed them in realization. He looked almost guilty, but Jihyun didn’t give him the chance to say anything, following her mother’s pace and walking inside.

Of course, the next day in school Jihyun’s haircut was the talk of the school. Her friends grieved the loss of her hair as Taeyong admired the short cut, ruffling her hair as she smacked her hand away with a smile.

“It’ll grow back! You guys are being dramatic!” Jihyun laughed, hooking her arm with Hera’s as they walked to class.

“Oh shit, 12 o’clock,” Hera said, quickly turning the two around until they found out it was too late. Jaehyun had called out for Jihyun who was waiting in her hallway, looking strangely bashful as he tried to catch up with them.

“Noona, hold on!”

“Keep walking!” Hera hissed in her ear, “you know how many girl’s are his noona here?”

“Jihyun noona!”

“Fuck!” Hera cried, “run!”

“This is stupid, let me just, hey-!”

Jihyun was shoved into the classroom, Hera sliding the door behind her as she stood outside. She pressed her ear to the door, listening to Hera give excuses.

“Oh? What’s up, Jaehyun?”

“Um, I kind of wanted to talk to Jihyun noona--”

“Oh! Is that who you were calling for? I thought you were talking to me!”

Jihyun could hear the confusion in his voice as she palmed her forehead in second hand embarrassment.

“...but I said Jihyun?”

“Hera and Jihyun sound the same sometimes. I always get the mixed up! Ha-ha! Silly me!” Hera snorted, “you can talk to Jihyun in a second but I have a question-”

The school bell rang just in time before Jaehyun could speak to her, Hera pushing herself through the small crack she allowed for herself to get in, “dang it! That’s the bell! That’s too bad! Maybe after school, Jaehyun? N-not today though, I think Seojun is walking her home today.”

“But--?”

“See ya!”

Hera closed the door behind her and pushed Jihyun to her desk, “crisis averted!”

“You call that aversion!? You made it worse!” Jihyun whined, her head falling onto her desk.

Jaehyun stood shocked at the door, swallowing hard before he bit his lip, kicking a random eraser in front of him as he walked down the stairs and towards his homeroom.

“Seojun huh?” Jaehyun scoffed, “he does seem like her type.”

Of course it would be Jihyun’s luck to stay behind and clean the classroom. Hera offered to stay behind, but Jihyun quickly dismissed her after telling her it would be a while, taking advantage of this time alone to think things through. She sighed deeply as she swept the room and cleaned the blackboards, throwing trash in the garbage and jumping when she saw Jaehyun standing behind her.

“Fuck!” She gasped, clutching her chest, “can’t you make yourself known?”

“Sorry,” he smiled sheepishly. “I wanted to talk to you this morning, but you didn’t hear me.”

Jihyun bit her lip, “I had my earbuds in. I wasn’t able to hear you, sorry.”

“It’s...cool. I guess,” Jaehyun cleared his throat, “I just...I just wanted to say that I like your haircut. It’s pretty.”

“Thanks, it feels nice.”

Jaehyun nodded, chewing on his lip as it appeared that he was dancing around something. Jihyun raised an eyebrow and kept from sweeping to watch him, “why are you here? Don’t you usually walk your girlfriend home?”

“Not always. I’ve only been doing it because you’ve been picked up lately. Kyungshim doesn’t live that far too, so it’s not that bad.”

Kyungshim? Ugly name. Jihyun snorted internally. “Oh. Cool.”

“Do you want to walk home together today? After you’re done?”

“I don’t...know. I kind of don’t have the right shoes to be walking--”

“You can wear mine,” Jaehyun said quickly. Jihyun felt her heart pound in her chest and watched as Jaehyun’s ear began to fuse into a soft pink. “I...I've been bringing extra shoes lately...just in case.”

“Just in case of what?”

Jaehyun shrugged, “I dunno.”

Jihyun sighed and nodded, “I’m done here. Let’s go.”

“Oh--do you want the shoes--?”

“No.”

“O-okay.”

The walk towards Jihyun’s house was filled with idle chit chat. The pace of the conversation seemed forced, almost as if Jaehyun was trying to avoid the awkward silence that came from friends that haven’t talked in about a week.

“Are you doing anything for White Day?” Jaehyun asked, clearing his throat and looking at the ground.

“No. Why would I?”

Jaehyun shrugged, “I was just asking.”

Jihyun didn’t want to ask about his plans for white day, so she just left it at that.

They arrived at Jihyun’s home faster than he expected much to his disappointment, watching as Jihyun stood in front of the steps and watched as Jaehyun struggled to say what he wanted to say next.

“Let’s walk home tomorrow again too,” he said. “It’s been a long time.”

“It’s been a week.”

“Yeah, well, that’s a long time considering I used to see you everyday.”

“Won’t your girlfriend get mad?”

Jaehyun shook his head, “no. Why would she? You’re important to me too.”

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that my boyfriend was walking around with his friend that was a girl.”

“Well, she knows it’s not like that, so it doesn’t matter.”

Jihyun stifled a wince, “right. It’s not like that.”

“I mean--it’s--you’re my friend and--”

Jihyun gave a sad laugh and shook her head, “why are you trying to explain yourself? You’re right.”

Jaehyun frowned and nodded, “yeah. I guess.”

Jihyun took a deep breath and looked at the front door, “I’ll let you know tomorrow if I can walk with you. Hera might have something planned.”

“Sure.”

Jihyun waved to Jaehyun as the latter returned the wave with a small smile, waiting until she was inside the house until he fell behind the bushes, groaning into his hands and shaking his head.

“God, I’m so stupid, I’m so fucking stupid!”

“Do you usually sit outside my house and call yourself stupid, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened as he stood up almost instantly, his knees cracking in protest as he made eye contact with Jihyun’s father, who gave him a stern look.

“No, sir! This is the first time, sir!”

“Make it the last, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun nodded, “yes sir. H-have a good night sir.”

A week later, Jihyun found herself smiling and accepting gifts on white day. She thanked those who gave her gifts and turned her head to the side to a few confessions, noticing Jaehyun on the other side of the courtyard talking to a few of his own friends. It seemed like he was single again as he received a few confessions of his own but it also seemed that he ignored them for the most part, smiling them away until he looked over at Jihyun, who quickly looked at her lap.

Jaehyun watched as Jihyun laughed with Hera and Taeyong, noticing Seojun walking towards her with a big box of expensive looking chocolate. He gritted his teeth as Seojun handed her the box with his million dollar smile, watching as Jihyun returned the smile and gave him a high five. He scoffed, looking to the side and poking at his box of chocolates.

His gift sat heavy in his hands, nervous as he picked at his fingernails the entire day until school ended, waiting at the front entrance for Jihyun to step out. So she did, with Seojun, causing Jaehyun to frown and back off until he bumped into Taeyong, who clicked his tongue and pushed him towards his friend.

“Wait--hyung-”

“No more waiting, Jaehyun. I promise you that it’s you she wants to walk home with. Go!”

Jaehyun swallowed as Taeyong pushed him into Jihyun’s direction, walking away smoothly as Jaehyun managed to interrupt her and Seojun’s conversation.

Seojun raised an eyebrow and looked at Jihyun for an explanation, who was expecting the same.

There were two options here.

One, he could let his voice crack in front of his seniors and get laughed at by Seojun and his pack of numb skulls for the rest of his high school career

Or

Two, he could prove himself, here, now, in front of said senior to the girl he was in love with. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, only for Jihyun to interrupt.

“Yes, let’s go. Now.”

Huh?

Jaehyun watched in confusion as Jihyun clasped his hand together with hers, walking in the direction of their homes as Jaehyun’s heart slammed against his chest. He was holding hands with Jihyun and it didn’t look like she was letting go anytime soon.

They passed Jihyun’s house and walked towards Jaehyun’s house instead, watching Jihyun in confusion as Jaehyun stood in front of her.

“I have something to say,” she said.

“Wait- I have something to say too--”

“Mine is more important!”

“I really doubt it-”

“Jaehyun i’m older you have to let me speak--”

Perhaps it was the bravery of not being in front of Jihyun’s house that led him to do so. It could also have to do with the fact that he was sick and tired of Jihyun being approached by people like Seojun who wanted nothing to do with her except place her on a podium and regard her as the pretty girlfriend when she was so much more than that.

Jaehyun pressed his lips on hers before Jihyun could finish her own sentence, his hands on her face as Jihyun gave a surprised, muffled yelp in response. Jaehyun pulled away after what seemed like an eternity, holding Jihyun’s face in his strong ones as Jihyun’s face spun from the cologne over again.

“I like you, Kim Jihyun. I’ve liked you since we were kids and I think...I think...I love you.”

Jihyun’s face burned under his gaze, her lips pressing in a tight line to hide a smile, “what do you know about love, Jaehyun?”

“Nothing. Not a single thing, but if I learn anything about love, I want it to be from you.”

Jihyun’s heart could fly and flip if it would leap out right now. Her breathing shallowed as Jaehyun pressed his lips to hers again, this time earning her arms wrapping around his neck as a reward, forgetting that they were in public and that Jisung had a big mouth.

“Uncle Jinho! Jaehyun hyung is eating Jihyun’s face!”

“He’s what?!” Jinho’s voice boomed from the house, causing Jaehyun to pull away with wide eyes.

“Saturday? Date? With me?”

Jihyun smiled widely and nodded, watching as Jaehyun mirrored her expression before he pressed a quick kiss to her lips.

“Jung Jaehyun!” Jinho roared, Jihyun running after her father as she pleaded with him to calm down.

Jisung was on Jaemin’s back, the two boys watching in amusement as Jaehyun jumped over obstacles to avoid her father’s wrath.

[neverending2012]

My Journey To You Chapter 27

SUMMARY: Mercedes experiences a racist incident and must confront her fear before it takes a toll on her family. The Hummels come for Christmas.

RATING: Mature

WARNING: Racist situation and language, mild violence, cursing, and sexual situations

CHAPTER 27

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR

Mercedes zipped up Rosy's bright red parka and put on her hood. Jake stood next to his sister, holding her hand, and patiently waiting. He was already bundled up in his blue parka. Mercedes kissed their cheeks.

"I know both of you will be good at the supermarket, and no pulling things off the shelves."

Jake and Rosy looked at each other and then back at Mercedes.

"I'll be good," Rosy said.

Jake nodded.

"Me too."

Mercedes put on her coat and scarf, peeking out the window, she sighed. It was a cold, gray Tuesday morning. The trees were barren with a thick coat of frost covering the branches. She got the car keys from off of the key rack near the front door and they left the house. On their way to the store, Rosy and Jake sang along to the Moana soundtrack. Since traffic was light, they arrived in no time at all, and she was grateful to find a parking space close to the entrance. She braced herself against the harsh, frigid wind blowing in their faces as they walked the short distance to the store. Out front was a jolly red-cheeked man dressed as Santa Claus, ringing a silver bell, while standing next to a scarlet red Salvation Army kettle that hung from a tripod. Upon closer inspection, Mercedes realized it was Mr. Kramer, the owner of the local hardware store, he always gave Sam discounts because he was such a loyal customer, she forgot that he said he was working with the Salvation Army this year. He always doted on Rosy and Jake and she wondered if they would recognize him as she dropped a few dollars into the kettle.

"Hello Mr. Kramer," Jake and Rosy said.

Mr. Kramer shook his head.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, no it's Santa Claus, I came all the way from the North Pole."

Rosy and Jake looked at him and laughed.

"Mr. Kramer, you look funny!" Jake said peering up at him, his black hair falling into his eyes.

"Ho, ho, ho," he said, "Have you both been good?"

The twins giggled and Rosy patted his beard.

"Soft," she said.

He winked at her before releasing them from the hug.

Mercedes wished him a Merry Christmas and he gave each child a candy cane.

Once inside, the wonderful aroma of baking bread greeted them and the heat warmed their hands and faces. A holiday display of gingerbread house kits was right in front of them on a table decorated with sprigs of holly and fake cotton snow sprinkled with glitter. Rosy let go of Jake's hand and rushed up to the table and she reached for one of the boxes. Mercedes shook her head.

"Rose Emerald Hummel what do you think you're doing?"

Rosy stepped back.

"Sorry."

"Remember what we talked about?"

Rosy nodded. Mercedes put her hand on her hip.

"Come back here right now."

Rosy shuffled over to Mercedes and Jake.

"I know you're a good little girl so behave, ok?"

"Ok, Mommy."

Mercedes hugged her.

"Come on, we've got shopping to do."

Rosy smiled and the scolding was over.

Mercedes got the twins situated in the grocery cart, and headed toward the produce section. The store was practically empty. The white tiled floors shined beneath the fluorescent lights and Frosty the Snowman played over the sound system.

She got a few heads of lettuce and bags of baby spinach, then she moved over to the onions where a young, clean cut man, with buzz cut brown hair, wearing round frame glasses, a marble blue sweater and black dress pants was putting a few yellow onions into a plastic bag. She smelled his citrus cologne as she surveyed the red onions trying to decide if she should get them or not. She saw a flash of his gold watch as he picked up another onion. The man stared at her. His blue eyes were cold. Mercedes ignored his rude staring and continued perusing the onions. Jake pointed to the red onions.

"Red," he said, proud that he knew the color.

"No, blue," Rosy said.

"Actually they're purple, but we call them red for some reason," Mercedes said and pulled a plastic bag from the dispenser overhead and began to gather up onions and put them in the bag.

"We can put these in our salad. Your father will like that." she said, keeping up the chatter. She decided to be nice and smiled at the man, but he only glared at her, so she looked away and continued the task, her elbow bumped into his, while she tied up her plastic bag.

"Sorry," she said.

"Couldn't you have waited until I was done?" he said.

Before she could respond, the man said:

"I bet you're used to everybody helping you and your kids. How many baby daddies do you have?"

"Excuse me? How dare you - "

"Oh, don't act so surprised. Somebody needs to put you people in your place. Turning my country into – "

"Your country?"

"Yes, my country. I'm sick of it. But I'm not hiding any more; you can't come into this town and think you're first for everything. You need to know your place. Your kids aren't even the same race. You opened your fat legs for every man coming your way, so you can get that government check and when working class whites have to -"

"You will not speak to me like -

"I'll speak to you any damn way I please. Get out of this town and get out of my country. It belongs to us. Real, working white Americans, not some monkey leeches who scream in the streets every time one your bastard sons gets shot. Hollering about how your lives matter. Fuck you! Our brothers in blue put their lives on the line to protect your worthless asses and what do you do to repay them? Rob a liquor store and get shot."

His voice drowned out everything around them, he was a demon unleashed. Rosy and Jake began to cry. She had to get away from him. The funny thing about it was, he looked like the All American respectable, tax-paying citizen, right down to his spit-shined loafers, but the vitriol coming from his thin-lipped mouth proved otherwise.

"Get away from us or I'm calling the cops!" she said rushing away from him, pushing the cart as fast as she could, but the racist man wasn't finished with this tirade.

"You mean the same cops that shoot niggers? No, you cunt, you're not running away from me," he said walking behind her, "You're going to listen to every word I say."

She kept going. His cologne stung her nostrils. Then he grabbed her arm.

"Don't touch me!" She said pulling away from him as he gripped her arm, not letting go.

"You're not going anywhere you black bitch!"

Suddenly, the store manager, Roy, who was built like a pro-wrestler and Clarence the security guard, a heavy set man with long black hair and huge biceps bursting through his navy blue uniform, ran up to them.

Clarence grabbed the man who took a knife out of his pocket and stabbed his arm. He screamed out in pain but he overpowered the man and wrestled him to the floor, while Roy took away his knife, Clarence sat on top of the crazy man, crushing his skinny body.

In the mayhem, Mercedes picked up both Rosy and Jake and runaway.

"I know my rights!" The man screamed, as he struggled beneath Clarence.

"Mrs. Hummel! We've called the police" Roy called out to her, but she kept running.

The man was enraged.

"She's infringing on my rights as an American, I – "

"Shut the hell up!" Roy yelled. "You racist piece of shit. Mrs. Hummel and her family come here all the time and their lovely people. You will not harm her or her family. What kind of man are you? Screaming at a mother and her children!"

"You think this is over? Do you? We're rising up against them. Taking back what's ours." The man said.

Mercedes ran outside to the parking lot rushing past Mr. Kramer who called out to her, but she ignored him and and got in their SUV. She didn't even bother putting the twins in their car seats. She sat with them in her arms and locked the door. They clung to her crying on her shoulders. She was too shaken to drive. Police sirens wailed in the distance and soon two cop cars pulled up to the supermarket. The officers ran inside the store. Mercedes called Sam. He was only a few blocks away at the paint store and he made it to the supermarket in record time. He parked his truck next to her, got out and she opened the door for him, and as soon as he saw her tear stained face and the twins shaking in her arms, he gathered them in his arms and hugged them close but he boiled with anger.

"Where is the motherfucker?" he asked, his voice low in her ear.

"He's inside I guess. I don't know. Sam please I – "

Sam continued holding them, whispering how much he loved them and how everything would be ok. The police came over to the SUV to get a statement from Mercedes. Sam was furious and wanted to know who the guy was so he could kill him.

"Sir, we'll have to ask you to calm down," one of the officers said, he looked too young to be a cop, but he had a muscular build and an authoritative air about him. His partner was a tall black woman, with a lanky frame, and big, round eyes that reminded Mercedes of a Precious Moments figurine.

"Calm down? Some asshole threatens my wife, puts his hands on her, and scares my kids, and you want me to remain calm? What if it was your family?"

"I understand how you must feel, but – "

"No, you have no idea how I feel. Whatever charges that can be pressed, we're pressing all of them."

His partner said:

"We understand. And we promise not to take up much of your time."

Mercedes answered the questions. When they were done, the officers thanked them for their time and said they would be in touch to follow up. Mercedes felt shell-shocked. Sam buckled up the twins in their car seats, took the car keys from her and said he would drive them home.

"But what about the truck?"

"I'll come back for it. I want to get you and the kids home."

Mercedes didn't protest. He drove slightly above the speed limit so they made it home in half the time. Rosy and Jake were cold and scared. After getting them out of their parkas and scarves, the twins wouldn't let go of their parents. Sam and Mercedes sat with them in front of the fireplace and prayed, doing their best to calm them down. They eventually stopped crying and they fed them lunch then attempted to put them in their cribs but the twins wanted to get in bed with their parents. Mercedes was thankful for their king sized bed and after changing into sweats, they all piled into the big, soft bed with Jake and Rosy between them. When the children were asleep, Sam and Mercedes stayed with them and had a quiet conversation about everything that happened.

"Sam, I'm going to ask you not to do anything that could have you arrested."

Sam looked out the window. It had begun to snow.

"He threatened you, put his hands on you, and scared the babies. You can't ask me not to retaliate."

"But what good does it do if it lands you in prison?"

"Damn it to hell, what do they expect us to do? I can't sit by and let racist dicks like Mr. White America harass my family. Do you think he's part of that group?"

"I don't know. I don't care. I want us all to be safe. And we are. And he's been arrested. I know you'll protect us and I have no problem with that. You stood them down in Town Square, but Sam this was different."

"How?"

"It was only one man angry at me for existing. Blaming me for whatever he thinks is corrupting America. I want to beat his ass too, but I also want to be here for our kids."

"He had a knife."

"I know and I can't stop thinking about what could've happened. It crossed my mind that he could've had a gun too."

Sam leaned over and hugged her.

"I have to get a handle on this. I won't take this lying down."

"I'm so tired," Mercedes said.

"I can't have you and the kids being in danger. You say it's one man but what's next?"

"I don't know."

They talked some more until Mercedes fell asleep. Sam was too wound up to even close his eyes. Then the doorbell rang and he went downstairs to answer it.

STRENGTH IN UNITY

When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Roy standing on the doorstep with bags of groceries at his feet. His fluffy white down coat made him look like the Abominable Snowman.

"Roy, what are you doing here?" Sam asked.

"I came by to check on you guys and to bring you groceries. It's on the house. I know what Mercedes gets every week and I added in a few things."

"You didn't have to do that."

Roy picked up all the bags.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

"Of course."

Roy wiped his black leather cowboy boots on their red and green Santa Claus welcome mat, and Sam let him inside and closed the door.

"Where should I put these?"

"Follow me."

Roy followed him into the kitchen where he put the bags on the counter then sat down to the table. Sam began brewing a pot of coffee.

"Mercedes is taking a nap."

"I'm so sorry about everything that's happened."

"Thank you for helping her."

"Is Mercedes ok? How are the twins?"

"Getting there."

Roy sighed.

"I'll pray for them."

"Thank you," Sam said.

"This isn't our town."

Sam poured them each a cup of coffee and joined Roy at the table.

"I used to think that too. I'm not so sure any more. We came here because it felt like home."

"Are you thinking of moving?"

"I don't know. You can't move every time bullshit happens. The anti-hate rally brought every one together and that's a start. Our neighbors really stepped up and we look out for each other… I try to stay hopeful."

Roy laid a sympathetic hand on Sam's shoulder.

"I wish I had some advice but I don't."

"Is Clarence ok?"

"Yeah, he only needed a few stitches in his arm."

"I take it he pressed charges."

"Yeah, he did, just like you." Roy said as he poured cream into his coffee. "For what it's worth, I think you have a beautiful family and you and Mercedes are good people. I hope this is an isolated incident and I'll continue my policy of 'no dicks allowed in my store.'"

Sam laughed.

"Great policy to have."

Roy stayed and helped Sam put away the groceries. Sam was surprised to find four packs of steaks. He held them up.

"Is this your something extra?"

Roy shrugged, a blush rose in his cheeks.

"Yeah, well… "

Sam patted his back.

"Thanks, man."

Sam also found extra Gerber juice boxes, animal crackers, and wagon wheel pasta for the twins and for Abby there were jars of coconut oil and E.L. Fudge cookies.

"You know my family," Sam said as he continued unpacking the groceries.

"You get to know your loyal customers," Roy said, while putting a couple of cartons of eggs in the fridge, "I learned that from my father."

Roy visited a while longer and then returned to the store. Sam spent the afternoon cooking a big dinner for Mercedes and the kids. He made all of the Hummel family comfort foods: macaroni and cheese, garlic butter steaks, collard greens, corn bread, sweet potatoes, green beans with bits of ham, tossed salad and a vanilla cream cake for dessert. He knew he was overcompensating with food, but he needed to do something that gave him joy, and cooking for his family always did.

Yet despite the delicious aromas that wafted through the kitchen and the happiness he felt from making the elaborate meal, Sam's mind wandered to revenge. Though he wasn't sure what it meant. Mercedes accepted he was a gun owner and when the town square incident happened, he signaled to the group, he was ready if something went down. And for a long time afterwards, whenever they went out as a family, he brought his gun. But then the rally gave them hope and promise, so he left it locked in the safe. Now, the urge to take it with him crept up again, but he couldn't be with Mercedes 24/7. Ever since the supremacy group came to town, the energy was different.

Abby came home late that afternoon because she had a nature club meeting after school and Travis' parents brought her home.

Mercedes was upstairs with the twins giving them an early bath, when Abby arrived. Sam told her what happened because keeping anything from his daughter was a bad idea; Abby was too observant for her own good, and she would have picked up on everyone's vibe that something was amiss. As he recounted the ugly event, Abby listened, her eyes filled with tears.

"What if he hurt Mommy and the twins?"

Sam hugged her and said they were fortunate they were unharmed. He went upstairs and helped Mercedes get the twins dressed for bed. She had changed into her short- sleeved nightgown and as she buttoned up Rosy's pink Princess Jasmine pajamas, Sam saw a purple bruise on her arm. He touched her shoulder.

"Did that bastard do this to you?"

"Sam, please."

"He grabbed your arm so hard that it left a bruise."

"I'm ok."

Sam finished putting Jake's Elmo pajamas on and they carried the twins downstairs for dinner. Though they tried to have a normal family dinner with all of the delicious food Sam prepared, it was a somber affair and dessert was left untouched. Afterwards, they said a prayer in the living room, seated in a circle, holding hands, heads bowed while Sam asked God to watch over them and give them strength. When he and Mercedes finally went to bed, he held her close, kissing her forehead.

"I don't know how make this better."

"We have to focus on what we have. Which is a lot. The good people outweigh the bad."

"Do they?"

"Sam…"

"Your bruise makes me want to kill him even more."

"Roy and Clarence helped me. Nowadays, most people would've recorded what happened on their phones and posted it to social media, not intervening at all. But they helped me. And that lunatic stabbed Clarence."

"I'm still furious. You could've been the one he stabbed or Jake and Rosy"

"I know and I'm angry too."

"I'm buying you mace. I know I can't be with you all the time, though I'll do my best."

"Let's get some sleep."

They kissed and soon Mercedes was asleep, but Sam remained awake, listening to the silence.

NOTHING TO FEAR

As the weeks passed, every morning Mercedes and Sam prayed together, before the children woke up and the day began it's hectic crazy run of insanity; they knelt on the floor, facing each other, bowed heads, hands clasped together, and said a prayer; then they meditated. The private sanctuary of the bedroom where they shared quiet moments together gave her strength, but it wasn't enough to assuage her fears and she dreaded leaving the house ever since the supermarket incident, but she kept her anxiety to herself, and pretended everything was fine.

Instead of going grocery shopping, she had the groceries delivered, telling Sam she was saving on gas and that the twins could get sick in the cold weather. Even though she knew the neighbors watched over Abby, she made up things for her to do indoors and discouraged her from going outside or even hanging out with friends. Her behavior shamed her. Wasn't she the woman who said they should build a snowman after the supremacist group left a flyer on their door?

What happened to her? What happened to her courage? Mercedes couldn't explain the transformation into barricading herself behind closed doors. The threat at the supermarket affected her more deeply than she realized. Whatever the reason, leaving the house became more difficult with each day and she only left if she had to, which was rare. She even had Sam staying home as much as possible, finding things for him to fix, and when that wasn't enough, she asked him to build her some bookshelves.

"Are you planning on making a library?" He asked her as he stroked her hair, they were cuddled on the couch in front of the TV, watching the news. The children were asleep upstairs. It was late Friday night and icy sleet beat against the windows.

"No, I just think we need some for the den. Abby can help you."

"Hmmm," he said, touching her cheek, "You've been giving me a lot of projects."

"You're good with your hands," she said, smiling up at him, "You should put them to use."

Sam leaned down and kissed her.

"Flattery is not my weakness."

"But pleasing me is."

Sam laughed and kissed her again.

"I know you're taking this conversation in other places, but I am curious about your sudden interest in my woodworking talents?"

Mercedes sighed.

"Oh, I don't know… she said, looking down at her hands. "It's such a nasty night, I'm glad we don't have to go out anywhere."

"You've been saying that a lot lately."

"Saying what?"

"How you're glad we're stuck home."

"I don't feel stuck at home. I feel safe. Don't you?"

"I want to take you dancing."

"There's no place to dance in Star Pride."

"I'll find a place."

"I don't know, then we'd have to find a sitter, why can't we dance here?"

Sam looked around the spacious room.

"In our living room?"

"Remember how we danced at your old house in Tennessee?"

"Yeah, but – "

"That was romantic."

"Yes it was. I dipped you."

"See we don't have to go anywhere."

Sam said nothing and kissed her instead. Mercedes was glad he didn't press the issue. Maybe she could eventually conquer her fear. But in the mean time, there were no more date nights or spontaneous outings. When she did go out, she timed it to a "T" and never lingered or dawdled, as she ran away from the imaginary ghost that haunted her. Every stranger's smile made her suspicious, of what she wasn't sure, but she was on edge, even when she smiled back she wondered if their eyes told the truth.

She knew she should talk to Santana, but her trusty friend and therapist was on maternity leave; she and her new wife, a buxom black woman named Ella, were expecting their first child together. They were having a girl. Santana referred a therapist to her while she was on leave and though Mercedes liked Dr. Freemont, he wasn't Santana and it was difficult to open up to him.

One morning Sam told her about a new second-hand toy store downtown. They were getting dressed after showering.

"It's called Second Hand Rose. You and the kids should go."

"I have housework to do."

"The house is clean."

"I have higher housecleaning standards than you," She said, chuckling as she fastened her bra.

"Well you should go to that new kiddie play land at the mall, I heard they have a really nice jungle gym."

"Why don't you take them on the weekend?"

Sam sat on the bed next to her and rubbed her shoulder; he was shirtless and he smelled shower fresh, his damp, pink nipples were hardened into stiff peaks.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"You're always home."

"So? Everything is so crowded this time of year. Besides, I'm saving on gas."

"We're not in financial trouble."

"That's because I do my best to save."

"Mercedes, you know what I mean."

"No, I don't know what you mean. Most men would kill to have a wife who runs a household like I do. You don't have to lift a finger and this is the thanks I get?"

Sam looked at her as if she'd gone crazy.

"What are you going on about? You know I appreciate everything you do. Are you saying I'm not pulling my weight?"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore," she said pulling her purple sweater over her head.

Mercedes knew she was picking a fight simply because he was noticing her behavior again. Sam reached for her hand.

"I love you, you don't have to hide anything from me. Tell me what's wrong. Does it have to do with that racist lunatic?"

"No, it doesn't and you're overreacting. I'm fine. I'm sorry if I upset you. Do you want sausage with your eggs?" she asked him, rising from the bed.

He shook his head.

"Please don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Put up a wall."

"I'm not putting up any walls. I'm fine."

Sam stood up and put his arms around her.

"I love you with all that I am. You know that."

Mercedes nodded looking up at him.

"I swear I'm ok. I just don't like crowds or cold weather."

"Since when?"

"Sam, just stop."

He shook his head.

"You can't hide from me."

"Who said I was hiding?"

"Jane at Starbucks said she hasn't seen you in a while, and wondered if you were ok."

"So sightings from the Starbucks barista are your measuring stick?"

"No, and stop being dense. I can see something is wrong."

"I'm going downstairs," she said, pulling away from his embrace, "I have to start breakfast."

Sam's eyes grew misty. He sighed.

"Ok, Schätzchen, have it your way. I'll be downstairs in a minute."

She went to him and kissed his cheek.

"You worry too much," she said and left the room.

He never mentioned it again after that day, but she noticed him watching her more and this increased her anxiety. Since she was at home all the time, the house was immaculate, the meals became more fancy and elaborate and the twins grew restless, unlike Abby who had the outlet of school, the twins suffered more since they had nowhere to go. They couldn't understand why they couldn't go outside for a walk or to the nearby park to play the way they used to.

"You can catch cold," Mercedes said to Rosy as she braided her hair one frigid morning.

"I want to see the sun," Rosy said.

"You can see the sun from the window."

"I want to see clouds," Jake said, sitting beside his sister, holding her hand. The two were inseparable. "They miss us."

"Who misses you?" Mercedes asked.

"The clouds. And the birds too."

Mercedes continued to braid Rosy's hair and she gazed out the living room window. Their peacock Speranza wandered about the back yard making her weird human-like birdcall.

"We can play in the back yard for a little while," Mercedes said, hoping this would appease them.

"I want to go to the park," Jake said.

"We can feed Speranza," Mercedes said, "She's due for a treat."

Speranza mostly ate birdseed, but the vet said they could occasionally give her bread and fruit as a treat. She loved grapes.

Sesame Street came on TV distracting the twins from their desire to go outside as they watched Elmo dance about on the screen, singing about the color orange. Mercedes finished Rosy's hair, tying red ribbons at the end of her braids. Then she brushed and combed Jake's hair. Since he wanted to do everything like Rosy and vice versa, she put a tiny bit of Tui oil on his straight, shiny black hair, though he didn't need it. His hair wasn't dry, quite the opposite, yet she humored him anyway.

The twins were dressed in their play clothes: matching blue Thomas the Steam Engine warm up suits and thick white socks covered their pudgy feet. Mercedes had put a couple of apple pies in the oven and the air smelled like cinnamon and apples, a fire crackled in the fire place and the dark hardwood floors gleamed in the sunlight.

The timer went off in the kitchen and she went to take the pies out of the oven. When she opened the oven door, she was happy to see the golden brown crust on each of the pies. She put on her oven mitts and retrieved the pies, setting them on the counter to cool. Sam loved her apple pies and he would be pleased to see she made them, the thought brought her momentary joy, but the twins felt trapped in the house, and she couldn't deny them fresh air simply because she was afraid.

The rest of the morning was spent doing laundry. Finally she let the twins go outside in the back yard. They ran races with each other, the hard, frost covered ground, crunched beneath their snow boots as they ran across the yard, the wind in their faces, yelling for no reason at all, just simply from the joy of being outdoors.

They fed Speranza some grapes and she gobbled them from their hands before returning to her birdhouse to sit in front of the heating lamp Sam installed to keep her warm. Mercedes watched the twins with careful eyes, and gritted her teeth. Her heart thudded in her chest. The sunlight was harsh and bright. She checked her watch, willing the time to move faster. She scanned the yard for potential threats, thinking someone could climb the fence. Rosy and Jake were now doing somersaults, laughing as they tumbled about on the grass.

"Look at me!" Jake shouted to her as he attempted a cartwheel.

"Be careful," Mercedes called to him, "Cartwheels are hard."

Jake only laughed as he fell, and Rosy giggled beside him.

The wind blew, chilling her face; she squinted in the sun, thinking how she should've put on her shades. For the sunshine to be so bright, it provided little warmth. She checked her watch again, and bit her bottom lip. She thought about the man in the supermarket, how he grabbed her as if he had every right to touch her, belittle her and frighten her babies, and recalled the fear in her chest as she ran away.

Then she felt someone touch her shoulder. She screamed, turned around, and punched the intruder in the stomach. She refused to be the same fool twice; she had mace in her coat pocket and she knew the combination to the gun safe; and Sam gave her shooting lessons on the weekends. She cursed herself for not having it with her, but she reasoned she wouldn't need it for the back yard. The bottom of the intruder's face was covered with a thick blue knit scarf; she pounced on him, knocking him to the ground, and pulling out the mace, aiming it at the fallen stranger, ready to spray it.

"Leave us alone!"

"Mercedes, it's me! Please calm down!" Sam said, holding her hands, and pulling down his scarf, "It's me, Schätzchen."

"Sam I…"

"Just breathe."

"I, I can't…" she began to cry and the twins ran over to their parents.

"You jumped on Papa," Jake said, bewildered, "Are you mad?" he patted Mercedes arm.

"She's sad," Rosy said, pointing to their mother's tears.

"Let's go in the house," Sam said, slowly rising from the ground.

They went in the house, with Sam holding his stomach where Mercedes punched him. He took off the twins' coats, hats and scarves and made them some hot chocolate, telling them everything was fine and that Mommy made a mistake, while Mercedes went upstairs to their bedroom, sat on the bed and cried. Sam came upstairs about 30 minutes later, leaving the twins downstairs in front of the TV with their building blocks. Mercedes didn't know how long he held her as she cried; she released everything within her. When she couldn't cry any more, Sam said:

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you're afraid. I knew something was wrong. But you pushed me away."

"I'm sorry."

"Tell me everything you're feeling right now. I don't care how long it takes, we have the baby monitor on and the door is open. I'm with you and we're safe. I love you and I want to help you. Please let me."

So Mercedes told him everything: the constant fear and anxiety, the need to stay in the house where she felt safest, the thought that maybe someone would hurt them again. And Sam listened to her, never interrupting, holding her in his arms, as she talked and cried.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. I thought I could do this. I thought it would go away."

"Please stop apologizing. We'll get through this. Why won't you tell Dr. Fremont?"

"He's great but… I'm ashamed. Other people have been through much worse, like getting run over in the street or shot. I was spared. I shouldn't crumble."

"Yes you should crumble because you're human, and I don't care what happened to everyone else, I care about what happens to you. Never be ashamed of feeling afraid. And stop comparing yourself to others. You're not them. You're you, understand?"

"Yes."

"Santana trusted Dr. Fremont enough to handle her patients while she was away and you said yourself that you liked him."

"I do."

"Would it help if I sat with you on your session?"

Mercedes hadn't thought of that.

"Actually it would."

"Ok, we're calling him now and we'll make an appointment."

They made an appointment and called Stacey to pick up Abby from school and watch the twins. Mercedes told Dr. Fremont it was an emergency and he said they could come in that afternoon. Later as they drove to his office about a half an hour away, Sam held her hand, as they zoomed along the expressway.

"You know I'm always by your side. Just as you've been by mine," he said, "It hurts when you hide stuff from me."

"This wasn't meant to hurt you. I just never felt like this before. It's a new experience for me."

"I love you, I hate to see you hurt. Like when I saw your bruise, the image stayed in my mind for a long time. I couldn't un-see it"

"I love you too and the bruise is gone."

"I know. But my anger isn't."

"The court date is next month."

"Oh, I haven't forgotten."

"I'm sorry I punched you."

Sam smiled and kissed her hand.

"You can pack quite a punch. I'll give you that."

"I'm sorry about what happened."

"Baby, it's ok. And I'm sorry to. I didn't mean to scare you."

"How's your stomach?"

"I'll live," he said, kissing her hand again.

"I'm glad you calmed Rosy and Jake were down."

"Me too."

They talked about everything that happened. As they pulled into the parking lot of Dr. Fremont's office building, Sam said:

"How do you feel now?"

She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Hopeful."

ooo

Dr. Freemont's office was sandwiched between a small accounting firm and a chiropractor on the second floor of brick office building across the street from a sad, little strip mall that boasted an all you can eat Chinese buffet restaurant, a dry cleaners, a dime store straight out of fifties with it's retro font on it's faded plastic red and white sign that said Vidlers 5 & 10 and a fried chicken joint called Fanny Pride's Chicken House advertising a 10 piece special until 6PM. This town was a far cry from Star Pride. It was more like a ghost town with people hanging on to what was once a bustling community. After the local pencil factory shut down a few years ago, it was never quite the same. Some stayed because it was cheap and found jobs in nearby towns, but many left to find better opportunities elsewhere. Dr. Fremont chose the location because the rent was cheap and the area needed a psychiatrist. Sam parked the car and got out, opening Mercedes' door for her. He walked with his arm around her, as Mercedes shivered inside her coat. The sky was turning twilight purple and the air was penetrating cold.

An overweight man with a bushy mustache wearing a long brown mink coat stood at the entrance of the office building, puffing away on a cigar, gold and diamond rings on his fingers, he tipped his white cowboy hat and opened the glass door for them. He smiled at them and Mercedes forced herself to smile back, even with the tension rising in her chest.

The tobacco smelled sweet, almost pleasant, and it followed them into the building, drifting down the long hallway to the elevator. The hall was lit with bright white fluorescent lights overhead. The waxed black and white tiled floor squeaked beneath their feet. Sam held her hand, squeezing it in support. She loved this man so much. How could she ever do something so foolish as push him away? What was wrong with her? When they got to the elevator, Mercedes hugged and kissed him, taking Sam by surprise. Tears filled her eyes.

"I love you," she said.

Sam melted in her embrace, rubbing his big hands up and down her back.

"And I love you."

Mercedes pulled back, wiping her eyes, as he pushed the UP button on the elevator. They got on and heard Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer playing on the stereo system, a silver wreath with blue glitter balls hung on the elevator wall. The bell chimed and they got off, walked down the hall to Dr. Fremont's office and went inside. His secretary, an elderly woman in her 80s named Madge, with teased, dyed red hair and way too much blue eye shadow, greeted them with a big smile, her teeth refrigerator white. She smelled like lavender. Red rouge coated her pale, wrinkled cheeks. The light reflected off of her blue rhinestone rimmed cat eyeglasses. Silver bells decorated the red knit cardigan sweater she wore, and jingled every time she moved. Red Christmas stockings filled with candy canes hung from her gray metal desk and a little Christmas tree decorated with gold tinsel and red lights sat on top of the filing cabinet next to her desk, and on top of the tree, was a pretty black angel, with a long, gold gown and curly black hair that was styled in an Afro, and a silver halo was nestled in her voluminous curls.

"Hello Mercedes," she said, "I see you brought your husband Sam."

Sam looked at Mercedes and smirked.

"I see you've been talking about me."

"Of course she has," Madge said, "How handsome you are!"

"Thank you," Sam said, blushing a little.

"You two can have a seat," she said pointing to the black leather loveseat. A glass coffee table was positioned front of the couch, with silver bowls filled with Hershey's kisses, and a few old coffee stained issues of AARP.

They sat down and waited. Madge smiled at them.

"He won't be long. Don't worry."

She began typing away on her computer, humming to herself as she worked. Sam held Mercedes' hand and whispered in her ear.

"Feel ok?"

She nodded.

"I'm good."

Sam kissed her cheek and Dr. Fremont's door opened. He was an older man in his early 60s with closely cropped white hair and bright blue eyes, a shade that Mercedes had never seen before, almost like a cloudless sky; he wasn't the type to wear colored contacts so she figured he was born with them. He wore a polyester flowered shirt, faded jeans, and brown leather moccasins decorated with colorful red, black, white and turquoise beads.

"Hello Mercedes and Sam, come right in."

They went into his office and he closed the door.

"I was really concerned when you called me. Tell me what's going on?"

Mercedes told Dr. Fremont everything that happened with Sam beside her, encouraging her all the way. She broke down and cried in the middle of her story.

"I was so scared and didn't know what to do, how to process it. When I walked in the market that day, it was just an ordinary day. And this guy just starts acting crazy, saying racist things and threatening me. I was afraid because I didn't know what he would do. I failed."

"How?"

"I should've stood up to him more."

"In what manner?"

"I don't know. Be Wonder Woman?" she laughed and took some tissues out of her purse, "My first instinct was to run because I had to protect my children. He had a knife."

"You did nothing wrong. This is not failure. Is anyone judging you for your actions?"

She looked at Sam who put his arm around her, giving her the strength she needed.

"No, I've just been judging myself. And then I think, what if it happens again? This fear grew inside me. We've been having some racial tension in town and I don't want to put my family in danger."

"The manager and security guard helped you. Before that the community had a No Place For Hate rally and your neighbors all look out for you and your kids since the flyer incident. It sounds like you made a home in a town where people won't tolerate hate and your husband loves you more than any man I've seen love a woman. I'm not saying it won't happen again but I am saying you have a good support system. But fear controls you and that's understandable. We'll work together to overcome it. You aren't weak. You aren't a failure. You're a mother who protected herself and her children from a God-awful racist scumbag. This won't be an easy journey, but it's one I know you can make. I'm glad you're crying."

"Why?"

"You're releasing everything and that's good. I think you attacking Sam brought everything to a head, do you agree?"

"Yes, I do."

"Mercedes, I won't give you a kumbayah speech and say we all just need to hold hands and the bad people go away. I will tell you not to judge yourself, give yourself time to heal and take little steps. I will also prescribe medication for your anxiety."

"Thank you."

"Sam," Dr. Fremont said, "I want you to keep doing what you're doing. Fear and anxiety can be crippling and shameful for those who experience it, and the most soothing thing in the world is to have someone there beside you treating you with love and compassion."

"I will."

"And Mercedes, this isn't a quick fix, you may feel fine one day and not so great the next. It's a work in progress, understand?"

"I understand."

"What comes next for the man who harassed you?"

"He was arrested. All of us pressed charges."

"I hope justice is served and it's not one of those I didn't take my meds, society misunderstands me; I'm a product of my environment bullshit. No, you're a hateful, racist douchebag and you're responsible for your actions. There are no excuses and he stabs a man on top of that."

"You know, Dr. Fremont one of the reasons this upset me so much is because I have told people off, not because of racism but for other reasons. This was different, why?"

"Who were those people you told off?"

"My in-laws and my Aunt Josephine and my employer when I was being stiffed for a raise."

"That was your family and your employer. You knew the situation. You weren't in danger. Standing up to relatives and to a complete stranger who could be armed is an entirely different scenario and your children were in danger too. It's apples and oranges. And you can handle yourself, you knocked down your husband," he said.

"I've been learning how to shoot."

"Well, then, that's a useful skill."

"I know everyone is not an enemy, but my sense of security is shaken. And there's something else."

She looked at Sam and back at Dr. Fremont and said:

"Sam is a wonderful husband and provider. He does everything in his power to protect us. After he saw my bruise, he had such rage in his eyes, and I was afraid if he knew of my fear that he would go after that guy and either kill him or beat him. I love him. I don't want to see him arrested."

Sam squeezed her hand.

"I want to kill him, and if I had been there, I would've." he said quietly.

"I know and I would never stop you from protecting us. But I was alone with the kids and the circumstances were different. I was afraid of losing you."

Dr. Fremont cleared his throat.

"Mercedes, I know you love Sam, but those are his feelings and you can't control them. His wife and children were in danger, so the rage is understandable. However, together you will have to discuss how to move forward too, and I can help with that."

They stayed a while longer and then headed home. As they walked out of the office, Madge gave them each a red tin of her homemade fudge.

"It's an old family recipe," she said thrusting the containers into their hands. Drive safe."

They thanked her and left. The drive home was unfortunately long because of an accident on the expressway. Stacey called to tell them she ordered Chinese food so they didn't have to worry about dinner. Mercedes was glad because she and Sam were in no mood to cook. When they got home, Stacey stayed and visited, talking about her new boyfriend and how her calligraphy business was going. Mercedes was glad she didn't ask them how the session went; for some reason, she didn't want to discuss it, even though it went well. After Stacey went home they put the twins to bed and tucked in Abby.

"Mommy, will you be ok?" Abby asked as Mercedes covered her up with a comforter.

"I'm fine sweetie," Mercedes said, kissing her forehead.

"Your mother and I are working through this," Sam said, reassuring their daughter, before giving her a goodnight kiss on the cheek.

They said a prayer with Abby then went to their bedroom, undressed and showered together. Sam soaped up the washcloth and carefully washed her body, giving her loving caresses, and whispered praise for her beauty. He held her soft body against his firm one as the water sprayed down on them, feeling her heartbeat against his.

"You're beautiful, courageous and kind," he said, "I'm beside you, baby, I love you."

Mercedes held on tight, his words soothing her. When they finished showering, they went to bed and made love, and Mercedes enjoyed the fullness of him as he stretched her inner walls with his member. It was gentle, tender and sweet, the way he held her, and told her how much he loved her and she did the same, praising him as a husband and father, calling him her rock, and she cried because of the gratitude filling her heart. Their orgasm was intense and they held each other as it rippled through their bodies.

ooo

A few weeks later…

Mercedes had regular sessions with Dr. Fremont and he helped her immensely by enabling her to confront her fear and live her life. Though it was a daily struggle; she had a support system, and Sam knew where she was at all times. Aunt Josephine wanted them to move, but Mercedes told her despite everything, Star Pride was home and they were staying put for the time being.

The family went all out that year with decorating the house for Christmas. Blue and green lights were hung on the house and were strung across the surface of the front lawn, an inflatable snowman and Santa were displayed, and big blue electric glitter angels were also in the front yard. In the back yard, they decorated Speranza's birdhouse with blue and green lights too.

One afternoon she braved the cold and she and the twins went to Target to get more wrapping paper and cleaning supplies. She was fine at first as they perused the different wrapping paper in the paper goods aisle, Rosy and Jake called out the colors of each roll of paper with pride in their little voices. A few shoppers smiled at them and told Mercedes how cute her babies were, the Target employees were extremely friendly and kind, asking her if she needed assistance as she pushed the big red cart through the store, and nothing was amiss, but panic seized her heart as she gazed at a shelf of scented candles, trying to decide which ones had the best smells for the holidays, when she felt a cold dread seep into her bones.

Rosy and Jake were giggling and chatting together, their little heads pressed together as they participated in a conversation only they could understand, they shared a secret language sometimes. She looked over her shoulder and saw and elderly couple arguing about the price of scotch tape, then a teenage boy with blue hair passed by her, hands stuffed in his pockets, ear buds in his silver ball studded ears.

What was she afraid of? Then she saw a bald, clean-cut man with a thin mustache, in a black overcoat and red scarf, so all American and so threatening in her eyes, he walked toward her and she took a deep breath. It wasn't the crazy man from the supermarket, but his eyes were the same, something about those eyes. She began pushing the cart and walked quickly. She felt embarrassed and afraid. That man wasn't a threat. He probably didn't even see her. But the panic rose within her, she couldn't relapse, she closed her eyes and breathed in and out. She had to make it out of store, yet her feet wouldn't move. She was stuck in the home appliance section, gripping the cart handle, the sound of Bing Crosby crooning White Christmas throughout the store filled her ears, she felt the twins' hands covering her own; their soft, sticky fingers touched her skin.

"Mommy?"

Her phone vibrated in her coat pocket. She opened her eyes and, retrieved her phone and saw it was Sam.

"Schätzchen?"

"Yes."

"I want to tell you a story."

"Sam I – "

"Shhh, just listen to me. Take a deep breath, can you do that for me?"

Mercedes took a few deep breaths. Then she heard Sam's voice again:

"I knew a little girl who dreamed of flying horses, grew up crying because she was alone, had parents who died in a fire and an aunt who loved her more than life. She lived through the death of her husband, the silence of her child, drug addiction, mistreatment, loneliness and heartache, and one day she was foolish enough to marry the man downstairs with a huge mouth and loved her like he's never loved another and they got through a lot together. And that woman is all courage; her heart is so big it swallows you up and the universe loves her; sometimes you have to remind her of how she touches everyone's lives for the better, even random strangers, you need to tell her how precious she is, how much her family and friends love her even in difficult times. This woman is a jewel and my heart and I couldn't be more proud of her."

Tears trickled down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away. His voice was the only thing that mattered.

"She's the mother of my children. She's my everything and we walk through fires together."

Suddenly she felt strong arms encircling her waist, holding her close. She turned around and faced Sam. She cried on his shoulder.

"Did you follow me?"

"No, I was taking a break in my truck and your face popped into my mind and you had tears in your eyes; I felt you shaking. You told me you were coming here this afternoon. I wasn't too faraway so I called you on my way here."

"I'm sorry."

"Mercedes Hummel never apologize for this. You've been doing great. We all have our off days."

"Do you feel better Mommy?" Jake asked.

"Yes, sweetie pie."

They paid for the wrapping paper and left the store. Sam followed her home in his truck. By the time they got to the house, her panic had all but vanished, but she knew there was a long road ahead.

ooo

A few days after the Target incident, Santana contacted her to let her know she gave birth to her baby girl, who they named Molly Mabel Lopez Stratton, and since there were no complications, she was home with her wife Ella recuperating. While Sam and the kids went to Christmas Playland to see Santa Claus one Saturday afternoon, Mercedes drove to see Santana and the new baby. She bought gifts for the baby: a beautiful white lace layette set, baby essentials like diapers, lotion, pacifiers, bath items, and a dozen onsies.

The weather was clear and cold and she listened to her gospel Christmas playlist as she drove along the highway. When she arrived to their house about an hour later, she forgot how lovely the old Victorian house was with its bright blue paint, wraparound porch, irregularly shaped black steeped roof, and white shutters. Two black lampposts were positioned on either side of the concrete walkway leading up to the front steps and dark green holly was wrapped around each post.

A green wreath with a giant red velvet bow hung on the front door. Mercedes rang the doorbell and Ella answered the door dressed in a black velour tracksuit, her hair in curlers. She was about twenty years older than Santana, her skin was dark amber and she was plump with a generous bosom. Santana said they met in a creative writing class at the local community college. Ella had been married to a man before and when he died, she finally came out of the closet and lived her life as a lesbian. Ella had a pleasant face, and a pretty smile. She hugged Mercedes upon seeing her.

"Merry Christmas," she said, and Mercedes smelled her sandalwood perfume.

"Hello Ella, good to see you."

Ella pulled her inside the house, and the aroma of baking sweet potato pies wafted in the air.

"Something smells good."

"Girl, you know I got pies baking for my wife. She's been awfully demanding lately."

"I heard that!" Santana yelled from the living room.

Mercedes laughed as she followed Ella down the hall to the living room where Santana was sprawled out on the couch, covered with a heavy purple blanket with Molly in her arms, the caramel hued newborn had a head full of curly black hair and she nursed from Santana's big bare breast, which spilled out from the front of her opened fluffy, pink robe. Santana's long dark hair was in one long braid that reached her waist; her face was a bit fuller, and Mercedes could see she gained weight; her usually angular features were softer. She smiled at Mercedes.

"Hey Mercedes, come meet our little rug rat."

Mercedes walked over to them and looked down at the gorgeous newborn.

"She's beautiful," she said touching the top of her head, "Hi Molly."

Molly continued nursing, oblivious to everything else. Mercedes placed her gifts on the coffee table and sat down in the recliner near the couch.

"You didn't have to bring anything," Santana said.

"Oh, it's nothing and I wanted to."

Ella leaned down and kissed Santana's forehead.

"I'm going to check on the pies, do you need anything?"

"Yes, I'd love some cocoa."

"Sure thing, sweetie," Ella said and turned to Mercedes, "And would you like anything?"

"I'll have some cocoa too."

"Coming right up," Ella said, kissing Santana once more before leaving the room.

Mercedes looked at the diamond sparkling on Santana's hand.

"So how is marriage and motherhood treating you?"

Santana smiled, her eyes misty.

"Wonderful, I know I sound sappy but it's true. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love Ella and Molly. Everything happened so fast."

The two women went to the Justice of the Peace and got married on a rainy summer afternoon then went to Five Guys for burgers and shakes; it was perfect for them. Neither one of them was into weddings and fanfare.

"Ella is sweet."

"She's more than sweet. She puts up with my ornery ass and that's more than I ever thought possible."

"Oh, Santana," Mercedes said.

"It's true. You don't know how many failed relationships I've had but that's for another time. How are you doing?"

"I'm better. I have my days, but… I'm getting there."

"I'm so sorry for what happened to you."

"Thank you for Dr. Fremont."

"I can't leave my patients hanging and he's a great man."

Mercedes nodded thinking of his support then she said.

"Is Molly sleeping through the night?"

"I wish," Santana said gazing down at her daughter, "She wakes up every few hours."

Ella returned with two white mugs with sparkling silver stars, steam rising from each one. Tiny marshmallows floated on the surface of the rich, creamy cocoa. She set them on the table. Molly pulled away from Santana's breast, her dark eyes closing.

"You, finished nugget?" Santana said as she lifted up the baby and burped her over her shoulder, after she belched, Molly fell asleep. Ella took the baby upstairs and Santana closed her robe. She picked up one of the mugs and sipped the cocoa.

"Mmmm, so good," she said, closing her eyes. Mercedes picked up the other mug and took a drink, and she agreed it was quite good, though not as good as Sam's.

Ella came back downstairs and sat next to Santana on the couch; the curlers were gone from her hair, and now it was a mass of bouncy black curls, framing her sweet, angelic face. She sat next to Santana who pulled her into her arms, kissing her lips, and running her hands through her shiny hair.

"I love your hair."

Ella kissed her back.

"I'm glad you like my old lady curls."

"Hey, there's nothing old about you."

Ella pointed to a few gray hairs in the front of her head.

"See this?"

Santana touched the patch of gray, pulled Ella's head toward her and kissed it.

"It doesn't make you old. You're beautiful."

Ella blushed and put her arm around Santana, holding her close to her side, and Santana rested her head on her wife's shoulder. The two were very much love and Mercedes was happy for them.

"Where are you two spending Christmas this year?"

"Right here," Santana said, "We're too pooped to go anywhere. My mother might come over. How about you?"

"Sam's family and Aunt Josephine are coming. I'm looking forward to it."

"How are the kids?"

"Rosy and Jake are talking up a storm and Abby is doing well. I couldn't be more proud of them."

"You've come a long way," Santana said.

"That I have."

"You know Mercedes, when Santana told me what happened to you at the supermarket, my heart broke," Ella said, looking at her with kind eyes, "I worry about women in situations like that, but especially black women. I feel like we're the protectors and not the protected. I was glad those men helped you."

"I was fortunate," Mercedes said, sipping her cocoa.

Santana kissed Ella's cheek.

"I would've protected you."

"I know, love."

Mercedes spent the afternoon with them. She enjoyed their company because they were both so funny and warm. Mercedes could see why Santana loved Ella; the woman had a giving heart and generous soul that could make anyone fall in love with her. They laughed and talked, eating sweet potato pie and trading stories. As the sun began to set, she hugged them good-bye with a promise to come again with Sam and the kids.

ooo

All of the Hummels came for Christmas except for Finn, Matt and Lucy who were still on their road trip. Their absence left a void. Mercedes thought of Rachel in her quiet moments, recalling the sister bond they shared.

Early one morning while everyone was asleep, she sat at the kitchen table, writing in her journal, and sipping a big cup of Earl Grey tea, she was wrapped up in her old blue bathrobe, and the sun was peeking over the horizon outside the window covered with glittering white frost; she began humming Happy Days Are Here Again and for a brief moment she heard Rachel's voice accompany hers, it wasn't the thin, whispery voice she had toward the end of her life, it was the big, strong voice she was born with, a voice that carried her family through difficult times. Mercedes stopped writing. She closed her eyes and sang:

Happy days are here again

The skies above are clear again

Then she heard it again, that unmistakable soprano voice that could easily turn into one of a belter:

So let's sing a song of cheer again

Happy days are here again

Mercedes kept singing with the phantom voice.

Altogether shout it now

There's no one

Who can doubt it now

So let's tell the world about it now

Happy days are here again

Your cares and troubles are gone

There'll be no more from now on

From now on…

Then she felt a thin hand holding hers, smelled a sweet perfume, and a brush of long, soft hair against her cheek. They sang together until the end.

Happy days are here again

The skies above are clear again

So, let's sing a song of cheer again

Happy times

Happy nights

Happy days

Are here again!

Mercedes cried at the final words, the tears flowed down her cheeks and Rachel hugged her. They finally sang their duet.

"I miss you," Mercedes said.

The hug lasted a long time. Then she heard Rachel respond, it was faint.

"I love you."

Mercedes cried harder and told her she loved her too.

"We had so many songs to sing together."

She held on for as long as she could and then Rachel vanished. It took her awhile to process what happened and she had to smile because despite how much she missed her, she knew Rachel was at peace.

When the Hummels arrived, the house was filled to the brim and Mercedes was happy to see everyone. On Christmas Eve, Carol, Stacey, Helen and Aunt Josephine helped her cook and the kitchen bustled with activity. They made the traditional Hummel holiday dishes: potato dumplings, sweet and sour purple cabbage, potato fritters, spinach salad with hot bacon dressing, butter cake and apple strudel. They planned to cook the stuffed goose on Christmas day. They also made some of the Jones holiday favorites like sweet potato pie, collard greens cooked with garlic and smoked turkey, macaroni and cheese, and million dollar pound cake.

Burt, Blaine, Kurt, Sam and Stevie carried on the tradition of the gingerbread hearts and baked them late on Christmas Eve while the rest of the family watched old Christmas movies while sipping on mulled cider and hot chocolate; the children were upstairs asleep as multicolored Christmas lights shined on them. Mercedes and Abby thought it would be fun to turn her room into a Christmas room where all the kids slept, so they decorated the walls with sparkling silver snow flakes, and hung lights along the perimeter of the room. They plugged in Santa Claus nightlights into the wall sockets and sprayed fake snow onto her vanity mirror.

And Abby persuaded her mother to get a little tree to put in the corner of the room and it was decorated with plain white lights and glittering blue stars. Jake and Rosy helped sprinkle glitter onto her dresser, though they got more on the floor, but it didn't matter because a sparkling floor added to the ambience. Now the children were upstairs in that marvelous room fast asleep as a snowstorm raged outside. Mercedes allowed Jake and Rosy to play in the room until bedtime, and put them in their cribs. So they wouldn't feel left out, they decorated the twins' room too.

As It's a Wonderful Life played on the television, Mercedes sipped her hot chocolate from her black Santa mug and felt extremely tired. Stacy was beside her. They shared a big, red blanket and Stacey's long, blonde hair shined in the lamplight. Aunt Josephine sat in the leather recliner, knitting an afghan; Helen was curled up on the loveseat drinking mulled cider; and Carol was in front of the fireplace roasting marshmallows. The Christmas tree sparkled in all it's glory in the corner, with stars, multicolored balls of blue, red, green and yellow, silver tinsel and musical notes and underneath were all of the wrapped presents in bright green, red and gold paper. A fire roared in the fireplace and the spicy scent of gingerbread hung in the air. Stacey scooted closer to Mercedes and put her head on her shoulder.

"I'm pooped," she said.

Mercedes smiled.

"Me too. Cooking wears me out."

She was glad to be tired and she welcomed the laughter and talking brought on when the Hummel clan invaded the house. It made her forget all the ugliness her family experienced. Ever since the Target incident, or relapse as she liked to call it, her anxiety actually improved a lot. The bad days decreased and she was grateful for the therapy and her family's support.

"What's that I hear?" Aunt Josephine said, looking up from her knitting, "Sounds like folks singing in the street."

"Probably carolers," Mercedes said, "I'm surprised they're out this late, and it's really snowing hard."

"I think it's nice you have carolers in your neighborhood," Helen said, sipping her cider, "Too bad the kids are asleep."

Aunt Josephine nodded. Carol peeked out the window: "They're getting closer."

Then Mercedes heard the carolers shout in unison:

"Mercedes Hummel, please come to the door!"

Mercedes eyes grew wide.

"They just called my name."

"I bet Sam has something up his sleeve," Stacey said, as she pushed away the blanket and stood up. "Let's go see what they want."

"But we're in our pajamas," Mercedes said.

"We'll put on our coats, come on."

"You know something don't you?" Mercedes said as she left the warm cocoon of the blanket; she wore her oversized plaid flannel pajamas and heavy red socks.

"I swear I don't know a thing," Stacy said.

Everyone grabbed their coats and went to the front door. Burt, Stevie, Blaine and Kurt were already there, wearing their coats too. Sam was missing.

"What's going on? Where's Sam?" Mercedes asked them.

"Your guess is as good as ours, he said he was going to7-11 for some milk," Burt said.

Mercedes opened the door and what she saw on the front lawn was magical. A group of a dozen carolers wearing white coats, each holding a candle, stood with the blue green lights of their Christmas decorations illuminating their faces, snowflakes falling on them. They looked like a band of angels. She went out onto the front porch, waving at them. Then she heard someone playing the guitar and then she heard Sam's voice singing:

"Bring your tired

And bring your shame

Bring your guilt

And bring your pain

Don't you know that's not your name

You will always be much more to me

Every day I wrestle with the voices

That keep telling me I'm not right

But that's alright

'Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed

When others say I'll never be enough

Then the carolers joined him in the chorus.

When others say I'll never be enough

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world

In the world

In the world

And greater is the One living inside of me

Than he who is living in the world…

He stood in front of the carolers, belting out each note, strumming away on his guitar, his face red from the cold, his green eyes shining in the Christmas lights. When they finished the song, Sam added an extra verse:

"So Mercedes, this song is for you. Merry Christmas Schätzchen. I love you. And greater is the One living inside of you, than he who is living in the world…"

Mercedes was crying from how wonderful it all was. That was her song of strength, and now Sam was singing it to her. This was such a loving, caring thing to do. She didn't even notice how all the kids were crowded on the porch, clapping their hands. Abby held Rosy and Burt held Jake. She walked down the steps in her stocking clad feet, and she didn't even feel the snow beneath the wool socks, and she threw her arms, around him as everyone cheered around. She kissed him, and saw he was crying too.

"How did you do all of this?"

"I got skills, baby," he said, "I love you."

They hugged and kissed until Mercedes realized it was freezing outside and asked all of carolers to join them inside for hot chocolate and treats and they were happy to accept her invitation. Soon the house became rather chaotic with all of the chilly carolers crowded into the living room, but it was so joyous and fun. Now that the kids were wide awake, they joined in the festivities and helped the adults in the kitchen make the hot chocolate and cut up the big vanilla cake they were saving for dinner the next day and serve decorated sugar cookies on a big silver platter. It was an impromptu Christmas party. Since everyone was filled with the holiday spirit, they began singing carols, with Sam playing guitar.

The entire family sang together and Mercedes got to hear Blaine and Kurt's beautiful voices sing a duet of Baby It's Cold Outside. Aunt Josephine sang Blue Christmas, her voice as soulful as Mercedes remembered, when Aunt Josephine sang she was transported back to a time when it was just the two of them in that little house on Christmas Eve, with not many gifts under the tree, but instead they made it special anyway, and they would watch Christmas specials, bake cookies and sing together. It was the only time of year Aunt Josephine sang. She would joke and say her voice was for special occasions. She never worked on Christmas and Mercedes was never alone. As she sang Blue Christmas with only Sam's guitar accompanying her, the living room fell silent, and Mercedes heard all of their holiday memories in Aunt Josephine's rich alto voice. When she was finished, there was thunderous applause and Burt even whistled.

"Now I see where my daughter-in-law gets it from," he said.

Aunt Josephine smiled, suddenly a little shy from all of the attention. Sam put down his guitar and hugged her.

"That was beautiful."

"Thank you, Sam, and you're an excellent guitarist."

Mercedes hugged her too.

"That was every Christmas we spent together," Mercedes said, remembering the smell of million dollar pound cake and roasted turkey wafting throughout the house, and the beat-up television with no cable, but rabbit ears antenna, and the only clear station was PBS. The plastic covering the red couch her Aunt Josephine got on layaway from Sears, and the three All God's Children collectible figurines proudly displayed in the china cabinet in their tiny dining room. The little black children figurines dressed in their Sunday best with kinky hair and patent leather shoes were special because it was one of the few things Aunt Josephine splurged on. No, they didn't have much but they had each other and that was enough.

"Baby girl, I know, I was there, remember?" Aunt Josephine said, kissing her cheek, "Look how far we've come, my Mercy Me."

Tears welled up in Mercedes eyes, falling onto her plump cheeks.

"You haven't called me Mercy Me since – "

"Since you were knee high to a duck, sneaking jam from the cupboard?"

Mercedes laughed.

"I was always getting into something."

"That you were, but I wouldn't have traded you for anything. I love you, baby."

"I love you too," She said, hugging her again.

The kids played in the middle of the living room until the adults saw it was after midnight and told them it was bedtime. Rosy and Jake were fighting sleep but by the time their grandparents took them upstairs, they were asleep in their arms. The party winded down after that, and then the carolers said good night and wished them all a Merry Christmas. Stacey, Helen and Stevie cleaned up the living room, gathering up the empty mugs and napkins while Kurt, Blaine and Aunt Josephine tackled the kitchen. Their family told them everything was covered and to go to bed.

"Merry Christmas," Stevie and Helen said over their shoulders. "Go to bed, we'll take care of everything."

Sam and Mercedes went upstairs to the bedroom, their arms wrapped around each other. Once Sam closed the door, he kissed her, guiding her toward the bed. He smelled like gingerbread and chocolate. Mercedes stood still as he removed her pajamas, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of her voluptuous nude body in the moonlight. He cupped her breasts, his thumbs grazing over her large, erect nipples. She shivered. Sam pulled back the covers, picked her up and put her in the bed, covering her up. Mercedes waited for him to undress, which he did in ten seconds flat, and he was hard and ready for her.

He positioned himself on top of her, and thrust inside her, grinding his hips, and she lay beneath him, enjoying the late-night love session, he took his time stroking her, nice and slow, filling her up and satisfying the void within her. They kissed as they made love, she squeezed his firm buttocks and he moaned. After they came, he lay on top of her in the afterglow, his blonde head rested on the soft cushion of her full bosom. She ran her fingers through his hair.

"That feels good," he mumbled as she massaged his scalp.

"Thank you for my gift."

He raised his head and kissed her full lips.

"You're welcome. I'm proud of you."

Mercedes kissed him.

"You make it easy to be who I am. I love you."

Sam smiled at her in the darkness. They kissed again and soon they needed each other again and Mercedes turned around and got on all fours, knowing Sam loved her in this position because he could admire her big, gorgeous, rear end that jiggled with each thrust. When he slid into her once more, she moaned at how good it felt, and they made love three more times before falling asleep exhausted but satisfied. Mercedes never felt so happy.

END NOTES: Thank you for reading and reviewing my story!