#with someone i had just met! who had also just told me how their ex-roommates were getting a RO on them!

[umbrakinetix]

Mentioning that my mother is an autistic alcoholic is a really great litmus test for who I want to be around, tbh. Because some people will be like “oh ok sounds complicated but that’s life!” & some people will go on a tirade about how addicts are horrible people who need to stop making excuses and insinuate she’s making up the autism

[drysdalesworld]

PHASE ONE — always trust the match maker (jamie’s version)

part two

pairing(s): jamie drysdale x fem!reader, platonic!trevor zegras x fem!reader (besties), fem!oc (georgie) x fem!reader (roommates)

genre: a smidge of angst (like talks of breakup/dates gone wrong + reader feeling like she’s not good enough for love), tons of fluff (jamie is a lovesick fool let’s be real), & comfort (in regards to hugs, etc.)

word count: 5.1k+

warning(s): trev thinking he’s cupid, bickering, trevor recruiting readers roommate into his “master plan”, mentions of familial teasing & making reader feel bad about her dating life, drinking + mentions of drinking, mentions of a party, cursing, lowkey moon!reader & sun!jamie, this is literally mostly filler lol

note(s): please remember that this is a work of fiction & nothing the characters in this work say or do is a reflection of them or what they do. i always try to make the reader as racially ambiguous as possible so please let me know if i did not achieve that in this work! :) reader’s job is also mentioned as a journalist. please ignore the numerous amount of times i say painted 😭

It was an ongoing joke between your loved ones that you had bad taste in romantic partners. It somehow always being brought up during family gatherings, giggles gracing their lips as they recalled your past failed relationships and the kinds of people you had brought home throughout the years. You knew that they never truly meant to hurt you with their words but you couldn’t help but feel your stomach drop and frown at their teasing everytime it happened. This was something that followed you from your hometown to your new place of residence in Anaheim, California, even during your near four years of living there. Especially when your good friend of those four years, Trevor Zegras, noticed the pattern one night and the world of your shitty past relationships were revealed to him.

( Trevor glanced at your approaching figure from the corner of his eye as you walked into his and Jamie’s small apartment, having just come back from somewhere as you paused by the doorway to take off your shoes. The man was in the kitchen making himself a bowl of cereal when he had heard the lock and door knob turn.

“What’s up?” He’d asked.

A sigh was the only thing he heard as a response, the sound of your shoes hitting the floor barely a thud on the rugged portion of the entrance, something you had insisted on getting Trevor and Jamie as you had wanted to give their dull and barely decorated apartment some life.

“Alright, I know that sigh. What’s wrong?”.

It creeped you out at first at how well Trevor knew you when you first became friends. He was able to read you like a book, as clear as day. You never met someone like that before. Who took their time in memorizing your little habits and quirks, being able to immediately clock them and check in on you if needed. You had eventually found comfort in that. It was something that you had appreciated about your friend.

“Just a bad date s’all,” you replied, eyes still downturned towards the floor as you make your way to the kitchen, laying your warm and sweaty face onto the cool granite of the counter.

Trevor had turned his body towards you the minute you sighed, concerned laced in his facial features. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched you lay against the cold surface.

“A bad date? I didn’t know you went on a date tonight. What happened?” He softly asked.

Another thing you were grateful for was that Trevor wouldn’t immediately start teasing you about something if he saw you in a state like this, upset and flustered. It was something you had addressed to him very early on in your friendship and he respected that.

You briefly contemplated lying to the boy. But you told the truth anyway, deciding that this was something you needed to get off your chest.

“He was just such a…dick, to put it nicely. He was late by nearly an hour and talked about his ex the entire time. He even expected me to get the bill, which I wouldn’t have minded doing but he practically insulted me about my job saying how the only thing journalists do is gossip and shove rumors down everyone's throat. I literally couldn’t wait to leave and get back here”.

Trevor had a frown painted on his lips once you finished explaining. He didn’t know much of your dating history. Only that most of the people you dated were exes for a reason. Hearing about someone treating you like that made him sad and think how you most definitely deserved better.

The brunet didn’t respond to your explanation, only handing you his bowl of cereal and going to pour himself a new one as he lead you to the couch afterwards, eager to take your mind off of the lackluster night. )

You are forever grateful to have someone like Trevor within your life. He treated you like family and never failed to make you feel welcomed within his presence. Something that you very rarely felt with anyone.

And just as you felt a smile spread across your face at the memory of Trevor giving you his last bit of favorite cereal from that night in an effort to make you feel better, your roommate, Georgie, had pulled you out of your thoughts with the wave of her hand passing over your eyes.

“Hello? Earth to (Y/N)”.

You hummed out in acknowledgment, eyes shifting from their glazed over position to the figure of your roommate. She huffed in response.

“Where were you just now, babe? Wait – no. Don’t tell me. I know exactly who you were thinking of,” she smiled, bright teeth on full display as a teasing look spread across her face. “Was it a certain roommate of the Anaheim Ducks player number 11? Or a darked haired man that absolutely cannot play guitar for the life of him?”.

Her words caused you to groan out and roll your eyes, “No. I was not thinking of Jamie, for your information”.

Georgie didn’t seem to believe you, eyes narrowing as she tried to decipher whether or not you were lying to her.

The woman across from you knew of the ‘crush’ you had on the dark haired man. It seemed to be quite obvious to everyone but the man in question. Georgie had commented one too many times on the kind of look you give him when he walks into the room or the kind of smile that subconsciously spreads across your lips when he makes conversation with you, something that Jamie rarely ever does to other people. You always insisted that he must’ve felt comfortable with you to engage in talk with you, but your roommate never failed to point out that he never talks to people first and he always approached you first to talk.

( “Babe, he practically gets excited when he sees you. I mean, dude, he has the biggest smile ever and willingly makes conversation with you first. I don’t see him do that to Trevor every time he sees him”. )

But regardless of the confirmations and signs that Jamie Drysdale may like you the way you like him, you always denied it. He felt too real. Too soft to be tainted and touched by your scarred heart. Too loving to have to put up with you. With the kind of dating history you had, it was hard to believe that you weren’t a problem or a burden to others when in a relationship. Many of your exes had stupid excuses to leave you, all which left you heartbroken. It was hard to not believe the kinds of things they said after every relationship you had ended in a disaster one way or another. You completely believed that it was something you did that made them all leave and you did not want that for Jamie. You didn’t think you’d be able to do that to him nor would you be able to recover from the inevitable heartbreak that awaits you on the other side. It was better to admire him from afar you had decided.

( You did not deserve someone so soft, so loving, and so kind. He looked at the world through rose tinted glasses and you forever had cracked lenses that were barely hanging on the frame of your face. It would never work out. )

Georgie licked her lips as she saw you begin to spiral back into your own head, sighing as she let out a breathy fine and left it at that. She returned to the topic she was discussing with you before she noticed you weren’t even paying attention to the words she was speaking. She wasn’t even entirely sure you were currently listening to her as your eyes began to glaze over once again.

Maybe I should take up Z on his offer, she thought to herself, fingers beginning to twirl around a strand of hair as she continued. Getting J and (Y/N) together is something that definitely needs to happen.

————

“Ah! There she is! The girl of the hour!”.

You wanted to crawl in on yourself and never come out when Trevor’s loud voice reached your ears upon entering his full and cramped apartment. You rolled your eyes and shook your head, raising the box of beers you had picked up at the last minute above your head. More cheers erupted upon your gesture.

Trevor had informed you of his ‘little’ get together approximately an hour before it was planned to start. It was nearing the beginning of the hockey season and he wanted to party and celebrate before his days were filled with hockey and nothing but hockey. He practically pleaded with you to come over when you had declined his offer, comfortably in bed with your comfort movie playing as you got ready to have an early night in. You only caved when Georgie bursted through the door and dragged you out of bed, demanding you accompany her to Trevor’s party. And that’s how you ended up nearly two hours late to his party with beer in hand as an apology with Georgie trailing behind you.

“God bless you sweets,” Trevor mumbled as he engulfed you in a hug, brushing his lips against your hairline, snatching the box of beers from your hands and setting it on the table upon pulling away.

You muttered a yeah yeah before making a beeline for the kitchen fridge, dead set on getting your usual drink. You weren’t a big drinker nor were you able to handle hard alcohol so Trevor always made sure to get you more flavored drinks so you wouldn’t feel left out on the ‘buzz’ of the party.

The cool air of the fridge felt nice on your face compared to the warm heat that began to cling onto your skin from the amount of bodies around you. But as your eyes scanned the fridge and its compartments, you realized Trevor must’ve forgotten to stock up as you couldn’t find a single drink of yours in sight. A frown quickly made its way onto your lips as you realized, already defeated.

“Some people were taking them so I hid them in my room. They might be a little warm if you still want them,” a soft and familiar voice spoke from the right of you, behind the shelter of the silver fridge door.

You slightly stilled upon hearing his voice. But that didn’t stop a smile from making its way onto your face.

“Hey, Jamie,” you spoke, gently closing the door of the fridge, fingers still lightly wrapped around the handle. “That’s nice of you to do. You didn’t have to do that y’know”.

He flashed you his infamous smile, making that warm and fuzzy feeling crawl up your stomach and settle in your chest. “I know. I wanted to. Plus, I know you would’ve given Trevor shit for it and he seems too occupied right now to make a trip to the store for more”.

A giggle left your mouth in response to the man's observation. He wasn’t wrong though. You would've definitely given Trevor shit for not putting the drinks in a safer place, making him feel bad to the point that he would be grabbing his keys and muttering a I’ll be back before exiting through the front door.

“It’s the least I could do for the amount of shit he’s put me through,” you joked, leisurely following Jamie as he led you to his room, weaving through the numerous bodies littered throughout the apartment.

You faintly heard the man chuckle, his head shaking as the fluffy ends of his hair followed the motion of his head. You found yourself smiling harder at the fact that you made Jamie Drysdale laugh, even if it was for a brief moment.

“Well, he definitely deserves it,” he responded, slightly turning towards you as he twisted the door knob of his bedroom door and opened it, revealing his half haphazardly clean room and the brightly colored alcoholic canned beverages on his night stand. “That’s all of what was left. I tried to get more but nobody would budge”.

He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, eyes trained on the cans. He truly did try to convince those who had the same cans in their hands if they would be willing to trade it for another kind of drink. But they all just looked at him weirdly and declined, practically chugging the liquid in front of him to put more emphasis on their decision. Jamie knew they were one of the only alcoholic drinks that you would consume on nights like these and he didn’t want you to miss out on the fun, if there was even any to start with, just because Trevor wasn’t diligent enough to hide them somewhere else.

Your heart began to swell at the sweet gesture from the boy next to you. It was probably one of the sweetest things someone has done for you in a very long time. It made the warm feeling in your chest grow and spread up into your cheeks.

“Thank you so much, Jimmy. I really appreciate it. This is more than enough, trust me,” you spoke, a gentle smile on your lips as you did so.

Jamie only nodded in reply to your words, copying your smile as he turned his head towards you and away from the condensating cans. The tips of his pale ears tinted pink.

He watched you as you made your way to his night stand and grab a can, promptly opening it before taking a sip. His blue eyes stayed on your figure as you tipped your head back to drink the beverage, lukewarm liquid filling your mouth before sliding down your throat as you swallowed. Jamie found himself copying you subconsciously, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed too. Everything about you seemed to enchant him, never able to take his eyes off of you as you did whatever or talked about whatever. There was just something about you that pulled him in. And he began to find himself addicted to it at times. Always itching for a new fix.

“You want one?” you asked, nodding your head towards the cool cans, effectively pulling Jamie out of his stupor.

“Oh, uh, no. It’s okay. I already had, like, three beers anyway. I think I’m done for the night,” he responded.

He was lying. He only had one. He was too nervous to drink. Trevor had informed him that you were going to be attending the party and he suddenly couldn’t stomach anymore alcohol. It’s not that you made him nervous in a bad way necessarily. The kinds of nerves he experienced around you was hard to put into words but the only thing he could describe it as was something akin to having an elementary school crush. Those excited nerves to see the new kid in school that you found cute. The kind that made him want to pull the flowers from the elderly lady’s garden in his neighborhood and gift them to you as a token of his love. The kind that made him see you everywhere, even in the littlest things.

You narrowed your bright eyes at him, not being able to accurately tell if he was lying. A simple nod of your head was your only response as you took another sip of your drink and sat down on his neatly made bed covers.

You stared at the pictures tapped to his wall. Pictures of his family to his idols scattered the plain white walls of his room. It made you smile that he displayed those he adored and loved on his bedroom walls. You began to wonder what it would look like if he had you on there amongst the pictures of his loved ones. But as quickly as the thought popped into your head, it went away just as fast.

“I must’ve been like, six or something in that picture,” he spoke, gently making his way towards you, pointer finger brushing up against the printed picture of him as a child surrounded by both of his parents and brother, Pre-K graduation certificate tightly grasped in both hands as he brightly and widely smiled at the camera, his freckles danced across the bridge of his nose and apples of his cheeks. “Had just graduated Pre-K. My parents made such a big deal out of it. I thought it was the best day of my life back then”.

The softness of voice managed to catch you off guard a little, seeing a side of him you never really got the chance to see.

“You look extremely proud of yourself, Drysdale. Very cute too. Your parents look proud too,” you said, tone matched in the same gentleness as his.

A grin made its way onto his face as he angled his head towards yours, eyes gleaming in something you weren’t able to recognize as he sat next to you.

“Oh, I know. Had all the older moms fawning over me and my adorably cute looks,” he joked, chuckling to himself.

You couldn’t help but let out a giggle as well, gently pushing the thigh pressed against yours, shaking your head to yourself. “Of course. I wouldn’t’ve expected anything less, Jamie. Bet you had all the Pre-K girls chasing after you on the blacktop too, huh?”.

“Nah, they had cooties. I couldn’t catch that!” he exclaimed in response, a hearty laugh escaping his soft lips as he gently pushed you with his shoulder, causing you to tip over a bit onto his pillow.

You had only gotten a small whiff of the smell but that was enough to make your insides twist and warmth in your body to completely engulf you. His pillow carried a small smell of his normal scent, something that made your mind entirely short circuit and mouth slightly water. You knew Jamie took well care of himself and smelled good. But getting more than just a quick sniff of it as he leaned in to listen to what you had to say while in a busy, buzzing bar or brushed past you made you slightly freeze in your tracks and just want to drown yourself in whatever he used as cologne.

Geez, get yourself together girl, the voice in your head scolded, shaking its head at your behavior and thoughts.

Jamie had opened his mouth to say something else when the door swung open, bouncing off the wall it had made contact with. A couple had stumbled into the room shortly after, lips and arms entangled with each other as they obviously wanted to find a vacant room for some privacy.

Your jaw dropped open in shock at the sight in front of you, a creeping smile beginning to spread on your lips as you tried not to laugh out loud. A couple just barged into Jamie’s room to try to have a fun time without realizing they were occupying the room.

“Uh,” Jamie coughed, springing up from his seated position to stand up, silence and awkwardness filling the air of the room as the couple halted their movements and quickly pulled away from each other.

Apologizes began spewing from their lips, blushes evident on both of their skins as they back up and out of the room, leaving the door wide open as they left in a hurry.

The laugh you were keeping in finally escaped your mouth as you doubled over, clutching your stomach as you found the entire situation hilarious.

Jamie only looked at you like a wounded puppy, frowning as he whined about the couple trying to hook up in his room and how gross that was especially since the two of you were currently in the room. But he eventually gave in and joined in on your laughing fit, just happy to have had spent some time with you before the both of you were so rudely interrupted.

( “What do you mean some couple barged into his room? Did they think it was empty?” Trevor exclaimed, the tone of it whiny. “Does that mean they didn’t do it?”.

Georgie rolled her eyes at the six foot something man. She shouldn’t’ve even agreed to this stupid plan in the first place. Getting you there was a hassle within itself and then to have Trevor’s ‘spectacular’ idea fall to shit not even an hour and a half into the two of you being there was evidence enough that Trevor Zegras was indeed not a match maker.

“I don’t know, Trev! They just came out of his room like two minutes ago. I was watching the door when I saw the couple approach it. I don’t think (Y/N) and Jamie were able to do anything. Your plan sucked, dude. Major time”.

Trevor only groaned in defeat. The first phase of his plan failed. Big time. And now he had to come up with something else to try to get his roommate and best friend together. And God knows that Trevor Zegras will do anything in his power to make it happen. )

————

You didn’t know why you kept doing this to yourself. Kept going on dates with people who just simply didn’t care for you or cared for what you had to say and just wanted a quick succession for the week. It truly boggled your mind on how you managed to attract these kinds of people and had you wondering if you did anything to deserve this kind of treatment.

As you walked in the pouring rain from another horrible date, you found yourself walking the familiar path to Trevor and Jamie’s apartment. Something you always found yourself doing after a particularly hard day, or awful date in this case. It was like your legs had a mind of their own as you appeared in front of the wood door, knuckles rapping at the hard surface before you could think twice about it.

A barely audible coming! and shuffling came from the other side of the door, it swinging open once the owner of the voice finally managed to get to the wooden door.

“Hey! – Oh. What happened? Why are you soaked?”.

Jamie had stood before you, hair slightly disheveled as he probably was gaming or getting ready for a nap before you had interrupted it with your presence. A frown also made its way onto his lips, the corners of his mouth drooping. He looked legitimately concerned as to why you had shown up at his apartment at seven-thirty at night soaked to the bone with your heels in hand.

You must really look like a mess right now, you whispered to yourself in your head, mentally scolding yourself for disturbing whatever he was doing before you had shown up.

“Are you okay?” He softly asked, ushering you inside the warm apartment with the same amount of gentleness his voice carried. God, that made you want to cry on the spot.

Your wet and cold hand quickly slipped out of his warm calloused ones as you pulled it back, stepping back into the hallway, shaking your head as you went to open your mouth. “It’s not that big of a deal anyway. I don’t know why I stopped by. I’m sorry for disturbing your night”.

Your words seemed to have an effect on Jamie as his frown deepened and hand went out to grasp yours back into his own. Eyes filled with concern as he tried to decipher why you would say that.

It must’ve been a big enough deal for her to end up here, Jamie thought to himself as he knew that his and Trevor’s apartment was often a safe place for you. More like the people renting the space we’re the comfort than the home itself.

“Please,” he pleaded, “Come inside. You don’t have to tell me what happened but at least wait until the rain stops to go back home”.

When you had looked up, Jamie’s blue eyes held such concern that you wanted to comfort him, ignoring your own hurt to make him feel better. Maybe that’s why your relationships always ended badly. You put others needs and feelings before your own, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care with Jamie.

You simply nodded your head to his request, allowing him to gently drag you into the warmer apartment as he took your discarded heels from your hands and dropped them onto the floor, other hand still in your own.

“I can get some of Trevor clothes for you to wear if you’d like. He’s out with Mason and the boys tonight, but he’ll be back soon,” he whispered as if he was scared you’d crack and crumble to the ground in a thousand pieces if he spoke any louder.

“Please,” you muttered, now shaking from the rain you endured only minutes prior. Droplets of water still dropped from the soaked end of your dress and hair.

Jamie mumbled a quick okay before urging you to follow him, your soft hand still grasped in his rough one before he gently dropped it to retrieve some clothes for you.

Upon entering the apartment, its warmth settled itself into your skin, causing a shiver to run through your body, dress still dripping from your walk in the rain. Wrapping your arms around your shaking torso, you shook your head at yourself and began to mumble about how stupid it was to go to Trevor and Jamie’s instead of yours. You didn’t want him seeing you like this. You felt pathetic enough already and didn’t need him judging you for your lackluster of a dating life.

“I couldn’t find anything of Trevor’s that was clean, or that didn’t look suspiciously dirty. So I hope you don’t mind wearing some of mine,” Jamie spoke up, a large sweatshirt and some gray sweatpants in hand. An awkward smile painted his lips as he nervously held out the pieces of clothing for you, heart beating rapidly in his chest as you grabbed the clothes from his grasp.

“Thank you,” you shuttered, lips a paler color as your teeth knocked themselves together.

Your eyes avoided Jamie’s as you made your way to the guest bathroom, stripping yourself of your sopping clothes and quickly changing into the dry ones of Jamie’s. Albeit him not being a very tall man, the ends of his sweater sleeves still managed to cover the entirety of your hands and engulf you in a comforting way.

The feeling of wearing Jamie’s clothes was very different from wearing Trevor’s. You never felt warm or giddy wearing Trevor’s stuff. It was always something normal between the two of you that neither of you thought twice about. But with Jamie, it felt different. A good different. Like there was more to it than just wearing his clothes. It comforted you in a way that Trevor’s wasn’t able to.

A soft knock came from the other side of the door as you wiped the remnants of your makeup away, “Do you want some hot chocolate? I could make some for you if you’d like. Warm you up a bit”.

A pang of guilt erupted within your chest, feeling bad for having Jamie do all of this for you when he didn’t even know why you had showed up at his front door upset and wet from the rain. He shouldn’t have to deal with this. With you.

Your hesitation and lack of an answer allowed Jamie to believe that you weren’t in the mood for one. But he’d make you a cup anyway. Just in case.

Minutes had passed before you exited the bathroom, hair thrown up in a towel to dry and body now warm and skin back to its original hue. Jamie was propped up against the counter, elbows on the cool surface as he hurriedly typed away on his phone, thick eyebrows drawn slightly together as he focused on the screen in front of him. You assumed he was texting Trevor and updating him on your presence in their apartment. Another pang of guilt struck.

“If you need, I can leave. Don’t want to be too much trouble,” you spoke up, nervously picking at the nail beds of your fingers from where you stood.

The dark haired man slightly jumped, surprised to have not heard you exit the bathroom. He turned to face you, placing his phone onto the counter as it continued to buzz. “No,” he spoke, “You don’t need to. I want to help you and it is not any trouble at all. You were in need and I want to be there for you”.

The words he spoke to you made you want to cry all over again. No one’s ever made it a point to you that they genuinely wanted to help you. Jamie seemed honest enough in what he said and the concern painted on his face was enough to convince you that this was alright. That it was alright for him to help you and be there for you, even if you didn’t believe it yourself.

You gently smiled, “Is the hot chocolate still an offer?”.

“When is it not,” he smiled back, reaching for the tucked away microwave in the corner, opening it to reveal a still steaming cup of hot cocoa.

————

“Hey! So sorry for not getting here fast enough. Traffic was literally the worst. And Mason! Don’t get me started on – Oh”.

Trevor stopped in his tracks, jaw open in shock as he began to properly process the scene in front of him. The poor boy had to rush from the bar he was at with Mason and the others once he was sober enough to drive back. But the LA traffic had gotten the best of him and caused him to come back home more than an hour later than intended. He was utterly disheveled once he managed to unlock the door of his apartment and squeeze through the opening, apologizing for being late. When Jamie had texted him about you showing up at their door soaked and barefoot and that he probably should come back to the apartment, he nearly choked on the beer that was making its way down his throat. He read and responded to the text at seven-forty-five but had now just gotten back home, which was at nine o’clock.

“Looks like she didn’t need much of my comforting after all,” he whispered to himself as his eyes danced from you and Jamie’s intertwined bodies.

Trevor could only assume that Jamie had offered to watch your favorite comfort movie in an attempt to cheer you up, the end credits of Coraline on pause as the screen displayed the director and producer of the movie. Another thing he could most definitely assume was that halfway through the movie, you fell asleep on Jamie, which caused him to try to shift you into a more comfortable position only for you to cling onto him for his warmth, forcing yourself closer to his body heat as he gave up and just settled into the position he was currently in.

The brunet only snorted and shook his head at the two peacefully sleeping. There’s absolutely no way he was going to allow either of them to forget this moment. Even when the both of you would deny and deny the fact. Perhaps his plan was working, slowly but surely.

Now, he thought, onto phase two.

—

—

—

—

[stephstars08]

Drunk Mishap

Ethan Landry x Reader

Warnings: Minor Adult Language, Trust Issues, Cheating Mentioned, Alcohol, Drunk!Reader, Ethan Helps Reader Change Into Different Clothes, Some Sexual References, Anxiety, Reader Has Panic Attack, Insecurities, And Possible Grammar Errors. (Sorry If I Forgot Any!)

Summary: Y/N has feelings for Ethan but she’s too scared to tell him how she feels due to her past relationships. However, one drunken night changes that.

Word Count: 1,717

Author’s Note: Sorry it took me so long to post this. I just hadn’t gotten the energy to type this up. Also something always comes up that just takes up all my energy or attention. Sorry this is a little chaotic, I was rushing with this one so trust me it’s not perfect but at least I got something posted!

Three months ago Y/N met a boy named Ethan Landry. Y/N goes to Blackmore University in New York City. Her major is film since she wants to be a director. That’s how Y/N met Ethan’s roommate sister named Mindy since they share many classes together. Y/N really connected with Mindy so that’s how she got into the friend group that of course featured Ethan but also featured Mindy’s twin brother Chad, Mindy’s girlfriend Anika, and Tara who has been best friends with Chad and Mindy ever since they were kids. Once in a while Tara and her older sister’s roommate named Quinn would hang out with the group, too.

Y/N fit in perfectly with the friend group but right when she laid eyes on Ethan something just struck her. When her eyes met his brown eyes she just felt something shoot through her body and the feeling was something she had never felt before. As time went on the more Y/N was around Ethan the more she felt those butterflies fly around in her stomach. Y/N knew that she was growing feelings for Ethan because all he had to do is look at her and her heart rate would speed up. Y/N feels like Ethan feels the same way about her since he flirts with her but due to Y/N’a insecurities and trust issues she’s too scared to tell Ethan how she feels.

Y/N’s last two relationships ended with her getting her heartbroken due to her former boyfriend’s cheating on her with someone else. Even though Y/N knows that Ethan is nothing like her two time cheating exes, that tiny bit of doubt just over powers her positive thoughts. Mindy, Tara, and Anika know about Y/N’s feelings for Ethan but she just denies it and brushes them off. They don’t know about Y/N’s trust issues since she doesn’t talk about her past relationships since they just bring up bad memories. When she thinks about the past it makes her feel all that heartbreak all over again.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

It was a Friday night so of course that meant Y/N is at a college party with the friend group. Y/N was so happy to have a night out since she had been so stressed out due to her classes. Right when Y/N walked through the door of the frat house she immediately started taking shots. Y/N was already drunk after just being at the party for an hour. Ethan didn’t even know that Y/N was completely wasted till Tara came and got him and showed him her. Tara, Mindy, and Anika had been trying to convince Y/N to let them take her back to her dorm but she just brushed them off. That’s why Tara got Ethan since the girls are hoping that Y/N will listen to Ethan and let him take her back to her dorm. Ethan made his way over to Y/N.

“Y/N, I think it’s time for you to call it a night.” Ethan told her. “But I’m just getting started.” Y/N told him with annoyance in her voice. No one has seen Y/N get this drunk before. She’s gotten drunk before at parties like this but at least she was still aware of her surroundings. Y/N went to walk past Ethan but she tripped over her own foot. Ethan quickly grabbed her so she wouldn’t fall face first onto the hard wood floor. “Y/N, you can’t even walk.” Ethan told her. “I’m fine.” Y/N told him. “No, you’re not fucking fine!” Ethan told her in a stern tone putting his foot down. “You need to go lay down so please let me take you back to your dorm.” Ethan added. Y/N just stared at him since half of her wants to stay and the other half says she needs to go back to her dorm. “I don’t want something bad to happen to you.” Ethan told her with concern in his voice. Once Y/N noticed the worry look in Ethan’s brown eyes she knew he was right so she gave him a nod telling him he can walk her back to dorm.

Ethan let the girls know that he’s going to take Y/N back to her dorm and told them to let Chad know what he’s going to do just in case he comes looking for him. Ethan walked Y/N out of the noisy frat house. As they walked together to her single dorm room Ethan had one of his arms wrapped around her waist so that she doesn’t lose her balance or trip over her feet or something else. Even drunk Y/N is still feeling the butterflies in her stomach go crazy by Ethan’s arm around her waist.

They walked inside the building Y/N’s dorm is in and walked down the hallway to her door. Y/N has a dorm all to herself. Y/N pulled her keys out her pocket and tried to unlock her door. “Do you want my help?” Ethan asked which made her let out a groan of frustration. “Yes.” Y/N said handing him over the keys. Ethan let go of Y/N’s waist and unlocked the door. After he opened the door he let Y/N walk inside the dorm and then he followed her. Ethan put her keys down onto the dresser right next to the door and closed the door shut.

“Do you um need me to help you get changed into something more comfortable?” Ethan asked her with a hint of nervousness in his voice. “Oh, yeah could you. It probably be easier.” Y/N said with a sigh. She was already feeling sleepy. “Yeah, yeah um of course.” Ethan said trying to shake off all his nerves. He walked over to her dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and sweatpants. When Ethan walked over to her bed and set the clothes down onto it he could feel his heart racing so he took a deep and calming breath. He was hoping Y/N didn’t notice his nervousness. Ethan helped Y/N get out of the clothes she was wearing and into the t-shirt and sweatpants. Every time Y/N felt Ethan’s hands brush against her bare skin she would get goosebumps along her skin.

After Y/N was fully changed Ethan helped her get tucked into her bed. He could see the tiredness in her eyes. “There all comfy.” Ethan said after he draped her blanket on top of her body. “Thank you for taking care of me.” Y/N told him. “It’s no problem Y/N.” Ethan told her with a reassuring smile. “You’re so sweet. No wonder I have feelings for you.” Y/N just blurted out in a tired voice. When she said that Ethan’s whole body went into shock.

Did he hear her right? He was at war with his thoughts. Was what she just said true. He knows she’s completely wasted and tired. When Ethan finally came up with something to say Y/N was already asleep.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

When Y/N woke up the next morning her head felt like it was hit by a baseball bat. She lazily got out of her bed and took some medicine to relieve the pain she felt in her head. Y/N has no memory of the night before. She just remembers showing up to the party and taking shots. After that it was all just a blur. She doesn’t even remember how she got back to her dorm. Y/N was about to call Mindy so she could recap the night there was a knock at the door. Y/N walked over to her door and opened it to see Ethan standing there. “Hey.” Ethan said in a soft tone with a small smile. “Hi, um what are you doing here?” Y/N said obviously surprised to see him. He usually calls or texts her before coming to her dorm. “I wanted to stop by and see how you are feeling.” Ethan told her. “Can I come in?” He asked her in a curious tone. “Oh, yeah sure.” Y/N said stepping to the side so he could walk in. Once Ethan was inside her dorm she shut the door.

“I’m guessing you were the one that took care of my stupid drunken ass.” Y/N said with a sight turning around to face him. Ethan gave her a nod. “Do you remember anything that happened last night?” Ethan asked her. “Last thing I remember is drinking my fifth shot of vodka.” Y/N answered him. “Ethan, did I do or say something last night?” Y/N asked sensing something going on. “After I got you into your bed you told me that you have feelings for me.” Ethan told her which made her heart drop to her stomach. “Oh my fucking gosh.” Y/N said with panic quickly taking over her body. She ran both of her hands through her hair. “Were you telling the truth or was it just the alcohol?” Ethan asked her. That question has been going through his head ever since last night. When he woke up this morning he knew he needed to know the answer to that question. “No, it wasn’t the alcohol.” Y/N answered knowing she can’t hide the truth no more.

“I know I should’ve told you but I let my stupid fucking trust issues get in the way of me telling you.” Y/N told him with frustration in her voice. Before Ethan could say anything she spoke again. “And I know you are not like my ex’s who are complete dicks but I just couldn’t get those fucking negative thoughts out my head.” Y/N told him. Ethan knew she was starting to have a panic attack so he walked closer to her and connected his lips with her lips. Y/N was surprised by the kiss but eventually returned the kiss. All of the panic she felt going through her body quickly melted away. They released from the long awaited kiss so they could catch their breaths.

“I have feelings for you, too.” Ethan confessed to her. “We can take it slow if you want to. I know it’s hard to get past infidelity.” Ethan told her as he put one of his hands onto her cheek which made her lean into his soft and comforting touch. She always feels comfort by his touch. “We can take it slow.” Y/N told him with a soft smile.

[robinsno1lesbian]

Hi! So i have an idea for some Nancy smut because we are in desperate need of it!(at least i am)

Imagine you and Nancy have been roomates in college for about 3 months but,ever since you first laid eyes on her,you can’t get her out of your mind. You know that Nancy is probably not into girls and that she would never like someone she met 3 months ago,but this felt right.

However, you are way too scared to speak up and tell her about your feelings, because you are shy and awkward,but also because you were pretty sure she would reject you,Until one day,you were exhausted from how much you were studying and even though you knew it was wrong,you decided to ‘relax’ by masturbating,letting your imagination run free with thoughts of Nancy. And of course,when she gets back to the dorm weirdly earlier than usual,she catches you whispering her name as you hump a pillow you secretly stole from her.

So sorry for the long request,i added way too many details but i’ve had this idea for so long i memorised it:’)

𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

-n.w. x reader

summary: falling in love with your roommate in college, who happens to be nancy wheeler (because, honestly, who wouldn’t fall in love with her?) (3k)

warnings: SMUT!! masturbation, pillow humping, r gets caught, mention of oral sex, strap-ons & sex toys, vaginal fingering (r receiving), pet names (baby, pretty girl, sweetheart, darling), as always: i didn’t beta read before posting, let me know if i missed anything! :)

a/n: thank you so much for the request anon! don’t worry about it being “too long” or “too detailed”!! i love receiving new requests!! anyway i hope you like this! <3

things had been great. they’d been perfect, even. the day you got the acceptance letter from emerson, you’d been bouncing off the walls, happy to finally leave your small town behind.

they’d been great, still, when you learned who your roommate would be. she seemed nice, from the things you were told about her: nancy wheeler. from an equally small town somewhere in indiana. majoring in investigative journalism. and you thought, you really thought, maybe the two of you would become great friends.

and unfortunately for you, you did.

nancy was a great roommate from the start. she’s reliable, probably more than you are yourself, and caring. the kind of roommate who puts effort into really knowing you: she arranges movie nights and dinners together to have conversations.

she’s as old as you are, meaning you’ll graduate the same year, and often talks about her hometown, about some ex boyfriend of hers back in indiana and her family there.

nancy always waits until you’ve finished your breakfast or dinner before getting up, she helps you with your chores and even offers to help with your studying when she’s not too busy.

and, while you appreciate all of this, it’s slowly but surely driving you mad. nancy is.

she’s gorgeous, that’s the first thing you learned about her when the two of you met: brunette perm that’s framing sharp features and sapphire eyes, always watching you. her touch is firmer than you would expect, judging by her height and rather petite physique, and it seems to linger on you more often than not; her hands moving you by the waist to reach the dishwasher, fingers curling around your wrist when there’s a jumpscare in the horror film you’re watching together.

none of this would be a problem, if it wasn’t for the way it makes your heart flutter. it reminds you of falling in love for the very first time all over again: the secrecy of being head over heels for a girl you will never have. you thought that nancy wheeler would just be another one of those presumably straight girls who’ll never know how much you really liked them.

and while you were convinced you’d get over it in the first couple of weeks, it only got worse over time.

the more you learned about her, the more you fell for your roommate: you figured how she takes her coffee (black, no sugar or cream), and that she, for some reason, knows a whole lot about guns. you learned to love each of her facial expressions, from that tight lipped smile she’ll occasionally offer you, to the frown on her face when she’s trying to figure something out.

by the time your exams are right around the corner, you’re hopelessly in love with nancy wheeler.

you should be focused on nothing but studying and yet your roommate is all you can think about.

even when you’re sitting by the desk in your room, behind a pile of books and notes, you can’t stop your stupid mind from wandering.

you flip your pen around your index finger, groaning quietly as you find yourself rereading the same paragraph for the third time in a row without actually taking in the words. it’s all just one big blur.

if nancy was here, you find yourself thinking, she would praise you for the hard work. she would run her fingers up and down your shoulders from behind, her breath hot against the side of your neck…

“you’re working so hard sweetheart” imaginary nancy whispers in your head. “see? you’re all tense. god, darling, let me help you with that, yeah?”

you groan and bury your face in your hands. you can feel yourself throbbing in your pants and it’s pathetic.

you wonder if nancy would think so too, as you press the heels of your hands against your eyes. if she would scold you once she feels your slick against her fingertips, mock you for the amount of wetness and-

“fuck, fuck, fuck” you mutter, slamming your pen down onto the table top in frustration.

there’s no point in studying like this: when you’re practically soaking through your panties.

perhaps, you think, you just need a little stress relief. ever since you had moved in with nancy, you’ve made sure to keep quiet when it came to that. you had always slammed a hand over your mouth whenever you would be touching yourself in the quiet of the night. even after making sure nancy was asleep, you had made sure that your roommate wouldn’t hear the quiet whimpers of her name that would fall from your lips whenever you’d get close.

it was disgusting, you knew, perverted even. to get off to the thought of her and reach your height with nancy’s name on your lips, to close your eyes and picture her and the way she would sometimes come to the breakfast table in nothing but an oversized shirt and a pair of underwear that you’d catch a glimpse of whenever she’d get on her tiptoes to reach the upper cupboards.

the thing is, you can’t seem to stop.

you can’t stop watching her, you can’t stop thinking about her, you can’t stop your hand from slipping into your panties when you’re by yourself.

you couldn’t even stop yourself from taking the pillow nancy had left on the couch once. she must’ve forgotten it there after napping in the living room and you found it when cleaning the dorm. looking back at it now, you have no idea what possessed you to do it but you grabbed the silky pillow case and took it to your own room. nancy never asked for it back, never even noticed it was missing.

you let your gaze wander over all the notes on your desk one last time, sighing in defeat. studying like this is pointless, you decide, as you shake your head and get up, already peeling off the top you’re wearing and unbuttoning your pants. you drop them on the hardwood floor before laying yourself down onto your soothingly cold duvet.

you don’t bother to lock the door to your room: nancy said she would be out until later tonight and, given the fact that she’s always on time, you believe her.

your lashes flutter shut when you trace your fingertips over your skin: over the swell of your breasts, down your ribs and to the side of your hipbone.

you wonder if nancy touches herself like this. if she takes her time with it, teases herself through her clothes and lets her hands wander. or if, perhaps, she’s too impatient. maybe she gets straight to the point, you think, sucks her fingers into her mouth to get them nice and wet before fucking them into herself.

with a slow exhale, you feel yourself relaxing already. your heavy-lidded eyes wander until they reach your closet. in there, in the lowest drawer, you keep a box where you hide a couple of toys. and, right by that box, is nancy’s pillow.

you know that you shouldn’t. you know it. but your body moves on its own, walking over and getting it out.

when you lower yourself on the pillow, you picture her. it’s easy like this, finding a position that creates the perfect friction between the fabric and your center. you moan her name, quietly at first, but louder when you start grinding against the pillow.

-

when nancy enters the apartment, she’s quiet. it’s not that late yet, but she knows you’ve been studying for the upcoming exams and it wouldn’t surprise her if you’re exhausted from all the relentless, hard work.

she slips inside quietly and makes sure to shut the door behind her without causing any loud noises.

when she’s about to untie her shoes after putting aside her keys, she hears it for the first time. it’s just a little noise, somewhat of a gasp that echoes down the hall. yet nancy freezes. the sound obviously came from your room.

she stops in her tracks and turns her head towards your door. nancy quietly kicks off her shoes, unsure of whether or not she had just imagined it.

she has not.

another breathy moan comes from your room, one that’s unmistakably her name.

nancy inhales sharply, eyes wide open at the realization. she’s home earlier than expected, so you must’ve thought you would have the dorm to yourself for the night. she knows this is wrong. she should make a noise, clear her throat or drop the keys to make her presence known.

nancy wants to, she really does, but she can’t turn away.

instead, when she picks up another gasp of “oh my god, nancy” she moves towards your room.

hearing your pretty moans like this is something nancy had always wanted. she hadn’t expected the feeling to be mutual though, nor had she expected to hear you like this.

the idea of what you’re currently doing sends a jolt of arousal to her center as she approaches your room. the door isn’t fully closed, nancy notices, leaving a small gap that lets her see a glimpse of what’s happening inside…

-

you’re moving on the pillow frantically, your clit dragging over the silk deliciously.

you picture your roommate, beneath you, nails digging into your waist as you ride her face. you picture her tongue instead of the pillow, her mouth slurping up the slick of your arousal. her eyes, a deep shade of blue as they watch you moving on top of her.

you’re wet, you’re so wet, your underwear pushed to the side so you’re dripping all over the pretty pillow, grinding and gasping for air as you grip the pillow case tightly.

“oh, yes” you exhale slowly, whispering nancy’s name like a prayer. you can feel your orgasm building in your core already, the pillow soaked with your wetness. you roll your hips against it, chasing the heavenly feeling of your release.

“y/n…?”

your eyes immediately snap open. the reality of the situation only sinks in through the hazy fog of pleasure when you see nancy in your doorway. immediately, regardless of how weak your limbs feel, you scramble away from the pillow and try to cover as much of your body as possible.

“fuck” you pant, flinching away from her. “fuck- i- i’m so sorry nance! i- i can explain!”

you can’t explain, you know that. there’s no way to ‘explain’ why you were humping her pillow like that mere seconds ago. why you were moaning her name. you know, right then and there, that you’ve ruined everything.

“y/n” nancy repeats, her eyes wide. strangely enough, she doesn’t seem mad. not at all. there seems to be something in her voice though, a low, husky tone you’ve never heard before “holy shit”

it takes a moment for you to understand but that is definitely arousal in her voice. nancy is biting her lower lip, her eyes darker than usual as her gaze wanders over the scene in front of her.

“i can explain” you croak again, weaker.

“don’t” nancy hushes you, walking further into the room. “look you can tell me if i got it wrong, alright?”

you nod, hands slowly sliding down your body, exposing your breasts to her. heat rushes through you when her eyes dart down to stare at them.

“were you-“ nancy mumbles, crawling towards you on the bed. “moaning my name, y/n?”

“i-“ you turn your gaze away. immediately, nancy reaches for your chin and makes you look up at her.

“it’s okay” she whispers, her thumb dragging down your lower lip absentmindedly. “is that my pillow baby?”

you shiver. why isn’t she disgusted with you? why isn’t she mad that you were fucking humping her pillow like that?

“mhm”

“you wanted me that bad?” nancy husks, her breath hot on your face. “that you just had to hump one of my pillows instead of just asking me to help you out?”

“you would’ve-?” you croak.

“help a pretty girl like you out?” nancy finishes for you. “mhm, yeah. i mean- fuck- have you seen yourself?”

her fingers trace your face gently as she speaks. her lips parted and pink. you’re not even sure who leans in first. all you know is that you’re kissing her, suddenly. her mouth is soft against yours, but demanding and hungry. you keep up, kiss her back like you had always imagined.

“you’re a sight for sore eyes baby. you didn’t have to rub that poor pussy of yours raw against my pillow you could’ve just-“ her free hand drops between your legs and her eyes widen when she feels your arousal, the sensation morphing her voice into a high pitched gasp “asked”

you grab her wrists, without really intending to, you just need her to stay right there. her palm is pressing against your clit just right and you’re so, so close already. your hips jump forward on their own accord, desperately rubbing against her hand. later, you’ll feel embarrassed for how greedy you are, but right now, you really cannot help yourself.

“oh baby” nancy whispers, her hand still in place. she even pushes it upwards the slightest bit, pressing it against your clit while her fingers sink between your folds. “you want it so bad don’t you?”

you’re too far gone to feel embarrassed for the whine you let out. all you can do is nod your head, over and over again.

“shhh” nancy coos, adjusting herself so she’s kneeling in front of you, hand still sitting firmly between your thighs. “you want my fingers baby?”

any other time, you would’ve verbalized all those fantasies you’ve been having. you would’ve asked her to ride her face, or for her to get out one of those toys you keep hidden in the drawer. you picture nancy with one of the dildos strapped to her body, her voice telling you to get on all fours for her. maybe you would’ve begged for her mouth or for her to bend you over your desk and eat you out like that. but for now, with your abdomen still coiling from the ruined orgasm, you know her hands will have to do.

“yeah” you nod, both eyes closed. “yeah please i need it”

“i know” she coos, her voice sending another wave of arousal through you. “i know, i’ve got you”

another thing you learn about nancy wheeler is that her fingers are fucking heavenly. she runs them through your folds, gathers your arousal on her index- and middle finger, and brings it up to your clit. nancy had always been quick to learn the way you like things: she picked up your favorite snacks and dinner within the first couple of weeks, learned how you fold your laundry and sorted your shampoo and body wash in the shower. now, she’s showing off that observation skill once more.

she finds your clit, draws circles around it with a finger and adjusts the pressure and pace until you’re falling forward against her body, panting heavily.

“oh yeah?” nancy says, pleased with herself. “yeah? right there baby?”

you know it won’t take long for you to cum like this, not when you’ve been painfully close the moment she first walked in on you and certainly not when nancy is stroking your clit the way she currently is.

“do you like penetration?” she asks, her voice soft and genuine.

you nod at her weakly, one hand grabbing her by the shoulder to keep her close, bracing yourself for the sensation of her stretching you open.

you moan when she pushes them into you, two at once after making sure you’re wet enough to take it (which you definitely are).

she pumps them into you a couple of times, quickly figuring out a rhythm that works for you and causes her thumb to brush against your clit with each thrust.

the only thing you can offer her is an encouraging nod and the quiet “ah ah ah” sounds that she draws from your lips.

“come on y/n” she pants, pressing her thumb against your clit. “i wanna see you cum. can you do that for me?”

the whine you give her in response briefly resembles a noise of approval but it’s enough for nancy. she picks up the pace of her fingers, her face a reflection of your own: eyebrows drawn together and mouth agape in pleasure.

“that’s it” she praises when she feels your velvet walls flutter around her fingers. “that’s it baby, give it to me, come on”

that, and a couple of rolls of your own hips to ride her fingers, is all it takes for you to stumble over the edge. the knot in your belly finally snaps and, for a moment, there’s only pleasure and the sound of nancy’s name. you hardly even realize it’s you who’s desperately moaning it out like that.

you stumble against her, her fingers still moving against that spot inside you as she wraps her free arm around you and holds you.

your body still trembles with the force of the orgasm when you register nancy’s soothing voice close to your ear.

“i got you, pretty girl” she says softly. “i’m right here baby, you did so good”

“n-nance-“ you finally manage, when the pleasure ebbs and reality comes crashing down on you. you fucked up. you fucked it all up and this is the end of shared dinners and movie nights and the friendship between the two of you and-

“i was wondering when you’d make a move” nancy’s voice snaps you back to reality. “i mean- i guess i wasn’t expecting…that”

“w-what?” you mumble, leaning back to catch her eyes.

“listen” she tells you gently. “i like you, y/n. and, judging by what just happened, i think you like me too? correct me if i’m wrong. but i think once you’re…calmer, i would really like to ask you out on a proper date? if that’s okay?”

your eyes are wide with surprise. this is not what you expected.

“i mean- i- yes!” you finally answer, after staring up at her for what must’ve been way too long.

nancy just chuckles, running her fingers through your hair soothingly.

“okay” she hums.

“okay” you tell her. “does that mean i get to kiss you?”

nancy smiles, happily leaning down to capture your lips in a soft kiss.

[matthyeu]

because you love me ― smt.

pairing ⇢ seok matthew x gn!reader 

genre ⇢ fluff, slight angst in the beginning, right person wrong time, idol!au

warnings ⇢ i wrote this in between studying for exams so soz if there’s any major mistakes i didn’t catch!!

word count ⇢ 3.8k (oops)

synopsis ⇢ you live with the regret of letting go the boy you loved for his dream, but you wanted to see him at least one last time. (part 1)

within the year after he left, you found it hard to adjust to a life where you couldn’t text him any time of the day, see him whenever you pleased, or hear his voice (even if only through the phone). it was difficult adjusting to a life that didn’t have him in it. 

whenever you saw something eye-catching, your immediate reaction was to share it with him through a picture. however, every time you were met with the last messages he sent you, reminding you that he was in korea living his dream. 

you couldn’t even bring yourself to delete the message thread, which would likely diminish the urge to send him everything after a couple of times of seeing the nonexistence of the thread. it was the last thing you had of him, of the relationship you two had built since you were young, since you were both too immature to understand you had taken your love for granted. 

it seemed life wanted to push your pain on you more, offering you an opportunity to study in korea exactly one year from his departure. you were baffled when you received the email, initially thinking it was just another spam email from when you imputed your address into various sites. it was the perfect program for you to study your interest, way better than the one you were currently in. 

still, would it really be worth moving all the way to korea, to the place where your first love was pursuing his dreams? it had been a year, a long year of you trying to get over everything. you had almost closed the wound you left yourself with when you asked him to leave you, but were you willing to open it up again?

it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, all of those around you told you to take that chance and to not let an ex keep you from it. though their words were confirming, you hated how their encouragement was analogous to one commonly given to someone who had gotten out of a toxic relationship. 

you always found yourself correcting them when they worded it in that manner, reminding them that matthew was nothing less than perfect for you. it only hurt you because you couldn’t be with him even though you two loved each other so much, so much that he was willing to give up his dream for you. 

in the end what pushed you to take the opportunity was the conversation you had just a year prior. 

“if i had gotten an opportunity to travel far away for a program of the thing i was most passionate about, what would you tell me?”

“i would tell you to take that opportunity.”

it would be hypocritical for you to do this, have him be the one holding you back from your dream when you had sacrificed it all to tell him to follow his. 

and so, you accepted it, allowing for you to once again be in the same country as the one you loved. 

while in korea, you debated getting into contact with matthew again but decided against it for the better. for one, you didn’t even know how you would find contact with him again, but you also didn’t want to be a distraction to him again. from the moment you two parted, you promised to continue supporting him but only in the background. you didn’t need to involve yourself in his life anymore. you just hoped some sign would show you he was doing well. 

and that sign came from one of your roommates, the one who would shove the latest news of the kpop industry down the rest of your roommates’ throats. in all honesty, you filtered out most of the things she said on her tangents. 

that was until the topic of the conversation became the upcoming mnet survival show, boys planet. she had huddled all four of you in the kitchen one evening to share about her latest obsession, even compiling all 98 boys onto a slideshow with nothing but their names and some pictures. 

you found it ridiculous how she could be so deep in a survival show that hadn’t even started yet with limited information granted day by day. that was why you, once again, tuned her out while she gushed over everything. 

that was until she introduced one trainee, the name that left her lips almost leaving you in near cardiac arrest. “seok matthew.” 

you eyes immediately darted upward. staring directly at the picture on screen. it was really him, the boy you once–no–the boy you still loved. it was surreal, and a part of you didn’t want to move on from it. 

as your roommate moved on, you stopped her, “wait! go back.” 

a smirk came upon your roommate’s face, knowing she had you hooked. “so you like seok matthew? he’s from canada, like you, so maybe the vibe that’s what draws you in.” 

if only she knew the true history you had, but you didn’t want to reveal that just yet. it was unnecessary to mention. “yeah, can you show me more about him?” 

so, as you promised, you would be always supporting matthew in the background throughout his journey to be an idol. you would start with having him be your pick from day 1. 

as the show aired, you preached to everyone you came in contact with about voting for matthew. whenever you could, you would ask the new person you came in contact with to download the app on their phone to vote for him. you wanted to do whatever it took to make sure matthew was able to debut. you had to make sure he knew his efforts and sacrifices were worth it. 

in those months, you were very diligent in staying up to date with the latest content while not falling behind in your studies, something even you were surprised about as you typically prioritized the former. 

your roommate, however, was ecstatic to finally have someone to share her obsessions with. she would update you with the newest content, texting it to you as soon as new videos or photos were posted. she was way further deep down the rabbit hole than you were, so you weren’t surprised she would always stumble upon random predebut videos spread of the boys. 

that was why you weren’t completely caught off guard when she came stomping into your room one day, one of the days you actually were trying to study instead of trying to keep up with how matthew was doing on boys planet. 

“YOU!” she exclaimed as she slammed open your door, leaving you with a smudge on your notes. you groaned, turning around to give her a glare. 

she was still diligent in showing you her fascinating discovery as if you weren’t studying for an important exam. you knew no amount of convincing would make her leave you alone until she got out what she wanted. 

as expected, it was another one of the predebut videos floating around twitter. “and?” you asked, already going back to look at the slides your professor provided. 

“THAT’S YOU!” 

with such proclamation, you dropped your pencil, hearing it fall to the floor. you finally put full focus on the video, and lo and behold, it was you, you and matthew in one of the dance performances done back at your dance studio. well, now your secret was out. 

“oh yeah, that is me,” you tried to brush off, even though you were freaking out that so many people had seen that leaked video. 

“and you didn’t tell me? that you know seok matthew! all this time i thought you were just a fan really interested. you…you know him!” 

you plugged your ear to block her squealing. a damaged eardrum was definitely not what you needed. “yeah because i knew you’d react like that. it’s not like it’s something special. we just danced together. we were…friends.” 

your heart felt stabbed when you said those words. friends. you and matthew were more than just friends. you were soulmates. both of you knew that, but now it didn’t matter. no one needed to know the two of you had something. it was for safety, both of his idol image and for you in case he had any crazy fans. 

“then, you need to go to the finale,” she insisted, “he needs to see you and know you’ve been supporting him!” 

now, here was the conversation you weren’t ready for. you weren’t even sure if you were ready to see him again. if you met eyes with him, would you just break down crying? would you be happy for him? 

you had already thought about going to one of the previous mission showcases, but you chickened out last minute, worrying about all the hypotheticals. this would be your last chance, but you didn’t even know if you should take it. 

“i don’t know about that,” you mumbled, averting your gaze away from her. 

“c’mon! you have to! you are the matthew supporter. everyone i’ve met on campus is voting for matthew because of you. he needs to know how supportive you’ve been of him. what more to show that then coming to it yourself?” 

“but i might not get in. what’s the point? there’s so many people who want to go,” you commented. 

she rolled her eyes at you. “well, if you continue to have that attitude, how are you going to get in. i am not going to stop bothering you until you at least try to get in.” 

“i have an exam to–” 

“i said. i’m not leaving until you at least try to sign up to get a spot.” 

you sighed in defeat. once she had her mind set, there was no changing it. if you wanted to have study time you were going to have to do what she asked. so you did, pulling up the form to fill out. even if you had done it all for her to leave, you didn’t really expect anything out of it. 

well, surprise! you were going to the boy’s planet finale. 

oh it was packed. crowds lined up outside the venue for the finale, you began to feel like backing out. being squished amongst other fans was definitely not how you wanted to spend your evening, especially if you were probably going to be far from the stage. sure, it was amazing regardless to see how far matthew had come, but a part of you also wanted to have your own moment with him, one where you could look him in the eye with a look to tell him how proud you were. 

everyone wanted that, to be able to be near the stage so they could be known by their pick. that was why there had already been hundreds, maybe even thousands, of people by the time you got there. 

the line was endless, and the only thing you were grateful for was the amount of people selling slogans and fans for the boys. you had planned to make your own custom sign for the finale, but due to many unforeseen situations, you didn’t have the time to do so. at least with the amount of people waiting out of the venue you were able to hold a cloth slogan in your hand. 

you thought it was adorable, his name printed across it on one side and a picture of him during “say my name” on the other. it was just the thing you needed to keep as a memory of this day, probably hanging it up in your room after the showcase. 

you checked the time on your phone, realizing there were still many hours until the doors were to open. how were you going to kill time in this long line? social media. social media was the only answer for someone like you who was standing alone without a companion to converse with. 

you found yourself so immersed on your social media feed that you didn’t realize the two familiar people approaching you, only noticing them when one grabbed onto your shoulder. 

over your shoulder, you were met with two very familiar faces, ones that you haven’t seen for nearly two years. “i thought that was you!” she exclaimed. 

you gave her a smile before relaxing your shoulders for a hug. “it’s been too long, yaebin.” 

making sure to acknowledge the other person, you immediately nodded your head into a half-bow. “mo–” you paused, realizing it wasn’t as appropriate to call her that anymore considering you were not in a relationship with matthew. you also didn’t want to stir up any rumors considering how many people were around, so you quickly corrected yourself, “auntie, i hope you have been doing well.” 

she gave you a reassuring smile before leaning in, “you can always call me mom. i will always consider you a part of our family.”

it was warming to know that she still considered you that way, even when you were no longer “formally” affiliated with them. you always loved matthew’s family, and you were glad they still loved you after all these years. 

“so, you’re here to support matthew, right?” 

you gave an excited nod, “i really wanted to come out here to see him perform. after all, i’ve always just wanted to support him. thai is the least i can do.” 

“do you want to stand with us?” 

“what.” 

stand…with matthew’s family…in the section designated for people the trainees were close to. that would mean you had to face him once and for all, but were you ready to do that? 

“you should come with us. you’ll get to see him!” 

shaking your head, you were unsure about how to react to such an opportunity. mixed signals went off all over your head. “i don’t think that’s the best idea. is that even allowed?” 

“well, i’ll find a way. i’m making sure you get up there with us. if anything is going to motivate matthew to do well today, it’s going to be seeing you.” 

with a response like that, how could you refuse?

you nervously stood amongst the rest of the close friends and family of the finalists. luckily, there was actually space for you to move around and breathe, so you weren’t hyperventilating from your nerves. you just…didn’t know how to feel about it all. 

what were you going to do now? there was a guaranteed chance he would see you, so there was no more running away. you were going to see matthew after nearly two years of your breakup. 

it felt so unreal. you thought his text about you two crossing paths again would be something for the distant future, not in a mere two years time. maybe it really was fate pulling you two back together. 

actually. there was no maybe. it was for certain. 

you knew that as soon as you saw him again, his figure prominent amongst the rest of the boys. there was no other person who could draw your attention like seok matthew. 

and then he spotted his family, waving excitedly to both of them. 

his sister strenuously wove back, but she also made sure to bring attention to you who was standing a couple of feet away from them. she pointed in your direction, urging him to look over. 

and so he did. that was the first time you two made eye contact again. you could tell he was surprised, his eyes widening and his mouth agape. 

you tried to put on a smile because you were happy, but the tears came out first. you were just too happy that you cried. this was really him. the one you loved so dearly. the one who so dearly loved you. 

even while on stage and televised, he still tried to calm you down. oh how he was the perfect man. still, they wouldn’t stop, so you motioned for him to not worry about you as you hid behind your slogan, letting all the tears fall out. that way, you wouldn’t have the energy left to cry later on in the showcase. 

oh but you were so wrong. 

you thought you had run your eyes dry after your first reunion, but you were proven wrong during the debut lineup announcement. 

you held tightly onto your slogan as you anticipated the remainder of the members' announcements. 

“seok matthew!” 

all at once, your legs gave out upon hearing his name, falling directly onto your knees as a pool of tears began to form around you. he…really did it. the boy you let go two years ago for his dream was able to achieve it! the pain you endured through that first year, the pain you still felt in these moments, they weren’t for nothing. 

you wouldn’t say it was worth it because it wasn’t. that empty feeling, that hole in your heart for the past two years, you would not even wish it upon your worst enemy. however, seeing how much he shined on that stage, even when he was profusely crying, made it almost seem worth it. 

almost. 

your eyes found the reserves of tears you had been holding back, all of them coming out at once in a mixture of sadness and joy. the sounds of everyone screaming was blocked out in your brain, allowing yourself to pretend you were sobbing in your own world. you were only taken out of it by a hand on your back, asking if you were okay. 

you were not okay. 

even you were unsure how you managed to stop crying. you thought you never would, but you somehow forced yourself to. 

anxiously, you were now waiting with matthew’s family, his sister insisting you come with them to see him backstage. this time, you weren’t hesitant to take her offer. you needed to see him and tell him how proud you were. 

you bit your lip, staring at the door as the rest of the families were, waiting for the contestants to walk through to meet with their loved ones. 

there they came. a crowd of boys funneled through the door, all of them coming directly to their families. you spotted him right away, his fluffy hair being the largest indicator for you. 

and for the first time, you called out to him. “matthew!” 

upon hearing your voice, his eyes darted around the room, trying to find you. when he did, it was a matter of steps before you two were face-to-face again, nearly two years after you two parted ways. 

for a few seconds, you two only stared at one another, pausing right before you could make contact. he looked at you like you were the most sacred on the planet, eyes glimmering as he wondered if this was all real, if you were really in front of him in flesh. 

he was the first to break silence as he placed his hands on your shoulders, as if he needed confirmation that you were real. “you. you’re here.” 

you laughed, surprised the normally expressive boy was at a lost of words. you only nodded. “yeah, i was debating on coming. i’ve always thought of trying to go to one of the mission stages, but never did in the end. one of my roommates convinced me to try, so here i am.” 

“you live in korea now?” 

again, you nodded. “i moved about a year ago for a great program opportunity, but i was scared to get in contact with you. i really missed you, so i thought it would only open up more wounds than needed. you also needed to work without distractions. i mean, look at you now!” 

he shook his head. he always seemed to be shaking his head to your claims. he did it two years ago, and he did it now. “what?” 

before he spoke, he moved his hands from your shoulders to take your own into his. you could feel how clammy they were from nervousness but also the tremble they had. you looked up at him, the concern evident in your eyes. 

he looked like he was about to cry. “you should have tried to reach me.” 

your eyebrows furrowed. what was he talking about? 

“you, you could never be a distraction to me. it was actually you who kept me going these past years. there were so many times where i wanted to give up, but then i remembered everything you told me before i left, about how much you loved me, the love that made you willing to let go of all we had. 

you were so strong, so i wanted to be strong for you. it was really hard for me to be so far away from you and my family, but i always thought about you. because you love me, i was able to push through the hard times. because you love me, i was willing to continue during the times of uncertainty whether i debuted or not. because you love me, i was able to make it. i wanted to make it, so i could fulfill the promise i made to you, the one where we’d meet once we both were closer to achieving our dreams. it’s because you love me, that i can see you here again today.” 

this was a moment all too familiar, a speech to proclaim love. you now understood how he must have felt two years ago when you did the same. 

your eyes threatened to spill more tears, but you didn’t want to erupt into a sobbing fit again, not while this was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life, the moment you were reunited with him. still, no matter how hard you tried, a few stray ones came through. 

they were promptly wiped way by matthew’s thumbs in an attempt to calm you down. “shhh,” he consoled, “it’s okay i’m here. no need to cry.” 

you pulled away from his touch, trying to gather yourself. you looked up towards the light to force yourself to put the tears away. you tried to respond, but everything came out in small blurbs due to the circulating emotions. “i’m sorry…it just feels so unreal to me. that we can see each other again.” 

“does this mean we can love each other again?” he quickly asked. 

and that was when your eyes moved from the light to his face, anticipation written all over it. you smiled at him. 

“i don’t think we can love again if we never stopped loving in the first place.” 

his smile mirrored your own as he stepped forward, finally closing the gap between your bodies. he wrapped his arms around you, holding you in an embrace as if his life depended on it. 

after all, he didn’t want you to let go again. 

[flowingivy]

Cut by Thorns

CW- domestic violence, swearing, slight graphic description.

Chapter 1

"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW." You screamed at the tall man, who was previously hitting and yelling at you. "ITS ALL YOUR FAULT Y/N" the loud crash of plates being thrown against wall echoed threw the apartment. You were finally able to shove the big man out of the apartment and locked the door. "IF YOU DONT LEAVE ILL CALL THE FUCKING COPS." Silence for the first time in multiple hours. Silence.

Noise dripping with blood caused by the man you called for boyfriend for almost a year. Things started off really good. He was sweet, took you out of dates. Made sure you were always happy. On a normal day, he was in the shower and his phone buzzed on the bed. That day everything fell apart. Cheater. Lier. Fake.

After finding out that he had been cheating on you for a large portion of your relationship, he got violent, but it wasn't ever physical until now. Sitting on the floor, crying your heart out. The man you once knew was gone. Stomping to the bedroom you shared just earlier that day. You grabbed a trash bag and threw all his shit into it. Rushing to the balcony and throwing it all off the third story of the building.

You called your closest friend. The girl you've been close with for years. The only one who has never done you wrong. Your ride or die. Kate. She has always been protective over you. Never wanted to leave your side. When you met the girl she was drunk at the bar. Complaining about work and the large amount of men she lived with. You took her home and made sure she was safe. Sometimes friends come when you least expect it.

After that night, Kate would come over every single Friday and have what you both liked to call a girls night. A glass of wine and talking about how shitty work has been. Along with her frequently bring up the men she worked with. Which Kate also lived with. Not knowing what she did for work. You tried to be as supportive as possible. Kate always hated your now ex boyfriend. In her words he was a free loader so once she heard about the series of events of just minutes ago.

She was livid and angry. You're the one person she genuinely cared for as a person. Well on the phone with the furious women. You heard her talk to someone. Probably her roommates. "hey y/n? Is it okay if I go for about half an hour?. I'll be over as soon as I can. Just text me if he comes back okay?" You whip the tears from your eyes "yeah that's okay. I'm gonna go take a shower. Just come in when you get here." The phone hangs up.

You go back to the room and grab a pair of men's stripped boxers and a large black shirt. Turning the water on to the hottest setting and wait for it to heat up. You turn on your favorite music and start to wash up. Getting all the crimson blood off your face and hands.

Knock knock.

You hop out of the shower, throw on your large clothes, and walk to the door of your very spacious apartment. Opening the door, you were met with four faces. Three you have never seen before. Kate immediately hugged you and grabbed your shoulders tight. "Oh my god. Y/n your face is so bruises." You flinch at the sudden touch. "Kate, who are these guys?" You say in a soft tone, always sounding scared.

"Oh yeah! This is Brian" pointing to a tall blonde man with slight stubble and a bright yellow hoodie and ripped jeans. "This is Tim" Kate pointed to a built man with side burns and a red flannel. "Last but not least, toby." Lastly pointing to a shorter boy but still taller then you. He had a black face mask on and a black turtle neck. "These are my roommate I've always told you about. They offered to give me a ride" You wave at the boys and smiled a bit. "The place it fucking trashed." You say with a bit of embarrassment.

"These pigs are probably worse." Kate jokingly rolls her eyes."fuck you." Toby thought he was quiet but kate had elbowed him in the side. Which he couldnt feel but got the hint. "Can we come in? I'll help you clean up y/n. " You move out of the way. Unveiling the trashed apartment. Glass all over the floor. The coffee table in the living room flipped over. "Oh god." Tim said under his breath, trying not to make y/n feel bad. "One person did this? Jesus." Brian said, looking towards you with concern written all over his face. What she went threw. None of them wished upon anyone. Ever.

Kate went under the sink and grabbed a trash bag. Picking up large pieces of glass and trash that was thrown around. "Kate, please, you don't have to.." You say with guilt in your voice. "Hey, hey, it's okay. You should just relax for right now. I'll make sure this place looks untouched when I'm done. After we can even go get food." Kate smiled slightly at you, trying to cheer you up.

"Fine.. but I'm paying for food. For all of us." You smiled back at the girl. Tim helping get trash off the floor. Toby whipped down the counter that had spilled pop on it. Kate now with a broom getting the rest of the glass. "Go get dressed so you don't look homeless!" Kate said in a joking tone. "Ok, mom," you giggled back. Walking to your room. Flipping on the light switch. You heard talking in the kitchen/ living room (they are connected). Not being able to understand what was being said, you got dressed into a pair of oversized ripped jeans. Along with a large black hoodie that had a large picture of Medusa on the back.

Walking out of the bedroom, you saw a fully clean apartment. It looked like your ex-boyfriend wasn't even there. It felt great. Being with Kate and the boys you just met. Felt comfortable, like as along as you had Kate. Nothing bad was going to happen to you. The men made you feel like they would have your back as long as Kate cared for you. As you walked to get your shoes. You felt three pairs of eyes on you. Watching your every move. You could get comfortable with not getting treated like shit by a man all the time. You could get used to having a man genuinely care about you as a person. Not an object.

"Are you ready to go y/n?"

A/N- this is my first book ever. I would love to hear suggestions🙏 next chapter will be out soon.

[nintendo-666]

Alright so here's the drama! This was the best way I could think to do it.

@moonlightnova @loveless-nameless-graceless-two

Other people who might get a kick out of it/I want to tell @kannibalkaiii @isaacclarkex-art @toadstooltyrant @this-ken-is-babygirl @xdia-morphin-e

Anyone else, feel free to read! I feel like I'm in a romcom!

Okay! I want to start this off by saying that I am doing fine in this situation. This story involves someone I've been starting to see less and less, and have been looking for a reason to break up with for a while. I'll call them Stack (they/he)

Yesterday, I got a message from someone relatively distant in my life, who we'll call Plushie(they/them). They wanted to discuss someone we mutually know. Totally random, but okay. The person in question turns out to be someone I've been casually dating since February.

Stack and plushie have been hooking up (nbd, major poly situation) but recently stack did something sexually without permission that triggered plushie. Plushie reached out to me to see if I thought stack was a trustworthy person. They were told that I was JUST A FRIEND. And one he had JUST MET IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS. Not someone stack has been following around for 8 whole months, frequently proclaiming undying love to. Stack, as a condition of our relationship, tells me about "all" of their other partners and hookups, but I haven't heard of plushie once. Plushie also brought up ~another~ name I've never heard.

So this of course lead to us discovering a massive web of lies. Stack currently has covid. Sent me pictures of the positive test. But specifically told plushie (immunocompromised, btw) that they only had a sinus infection. They also told plushie that they were single. But as far as I'm aware, stack has 4 partners including myself. Stack is constantly telling me how badly they want to raise a child with me, but told plushie that they're getting a vasectomy in a couple weeks. Stack told plushie that they're "saving the last season of wwdits so that they can watch together". Stack has fully already watched it with me. Stack claims to me that they use condoms with everyone else. Unsurprisngly, not the case. And then there's this whole roommate debacle where stack moved a much younger ex into their apartment, prayed on the power dynamic, and swore up and down that they two weren't hooking up. Also bullshit. During our 5 hour phone call, plushie and I kept finding more and more things stack has lied about. Things that don't make sense to lie about. We found explanations for times that he acted suspicious about things. Like when he was complaining about being low on money, but completely clammed up when plushie asked why. The answer is because stack had just taken one of their partners to a fancy hotel I recommended for their birthday. Which plushie couldn't know because, DESPITE THEM ALSO BEING POLY, stack hid all of their relationships from them.

Bizarre. The entire situation is fucking bizarre. All last night was spent scratching our heads and connecting dots. But it all makes sense. Stack has, in one way or another, sexually assaulted both of us and then made it about them and their depression. That we're the ones being mean and overreacting. Stack is incredibly manipulative and self centered. And a bad, yet seemingly compulsive liar. And now, they've been caught.

Anyways I know that was a lot and I feel like I said very little. Honestly, my brain is still reeling from the situation, and I'm feeling a little fried. But trust me when I say that we pieced together a LOT of lies. The next step is to figure out the funniest way to break up with them, with our new information. We're open to suggestions!

[beetlebrownleaf]

big vent. things I’m in a better place to talk about now that I’ve seen a therapist for a little while. mentions of BPD and emotional manipulation under cut.

I decided to say “fuck it” and come back to Twitter because I want to talk to my fucking friends there before it possibly implodes, and I’m scared because I feel like I’m constantly under a microscope everywhere ever since an ex friend pressured me to stay off of social media cold turkey (not possible for me anyways. nothing cold turkey works for me) because they considered me “mentally unsound” and basically tried to armchair diagnose me because I was being interpersonally shitty to them. 

And then they kicked me out of their space when I didn’t comply to said socmed break that they imposed upon me “for my own good”. Yes I was being an asshole, genuinely, but it felt so controlling and weird. As I look back I think they’re just a controlling person. Was I an asshole? Yes. Were they still weirdly controlling in a gross, patronizing way? Also yes. Both can be true.

My first red flag should have been when they asked me how I get my kids to eat more vegetables. I assumed they were babysitting. No. They just invasively thought their roommate wasn’t eating healthy enough I told them that was ultimately not their problem nor their business. 

I was an asshole for getting up their ass about a comment they made that I simply disagreed with, I should have just left it alone because it wasn’t worth it. Yes. I was an asshole for that.

But if you hear rumors I’m a secret closeted bigot and I supposedly think those seeking education and employment is “mindless drone behavior”, hi that was me in my private vent twitter, aka my “this is where my bad brain thoughts that do not necessarily represent my beliefs and feelings”, saying, in a moment of deep mental upset, that I felt like being queer, becoming socially aware, choosing my own lifestyle, and making other queer friends, brought me pain and sometimes I wish I’d have married that lawyer I didn’t love and gone to a school I didn’t want to go to and gotten that job I didn’t want to have to please my parents because it would have “easier”. 

Having times where you wish you were not queer and blissfully socially unaware is an incredibly common Bad Brain Thought for queer people. I am not a fucking bigot for that*. I don’t fucking think education and employment are “mindless drone behavior”. I was wishing, in a moment of mental upset, that I was a mindless drone, aka, someone who just did what their parents told them to do with their lives. When I explained this I was met with a resounding “I don’t believe you, it’s clear you’re still a deeply bigoted religious person and not the liberated woman you claimed to be” as if it’s my fault I failed to live up to expectations I absolutely never gave any impression of. I did escape a more “worldly” form of Evangelicalism. I did not stop being religious. Being queer and being religious are not mutually exclusive.

Anyone who has known me since my fucking beginning here on FFXIV, on Tumblr, even on Twitter, knows that’s bullshit, and from here on out I’m deciding that anyone who believes that is willfully choosing to believe that to make me more of an asshole than I actually am and I want nothing to do with them. 

Basically when I was mad at a comment I perceived as rude (which was, by the way, a comment telling me me and my family’s hypothetical desire for land to farm and garden on -  possibly elsewhere in the South, where I inescapably live unless I move several states away, which is financially unfeasible and separates us from family) - was selfish, unnecessary, and placing my children in direct social and physical harm, so, actually I still think it was fucking rude), I was mentally unsound for being mad at that. And maybe so, I really was an asshole for getting all twisted about it and coming after people for it and I should not have done that, and I know the anger and discomfort I had about it did make me too mentally unsound to speak with them at the time. Fine. I’ll take that L.

But when I make a tweet on my bad brain account that yeah, isn’t worded excellently because it’s where I go to privately vent when I’m upset, aka Mentally Unsound, it’s suddenly an indication of my deep-seated true Closeted Bigot Feelings? Yeah. Okay. Just say I’m an asshole and go tell me to fuck myself like a decent person.

My therapist is pretty sure it is possible that I have BPD after I mentioned it to them. I am financially unable to see her now (my husband’s job changed insurance and we’re not covered anymore, and I can’t afford $100 a week or even every two weeks, so yay), so I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m glad to know I at least have a path moving forward. 

She thinks this is why I kept folding to this friend and going “okay okay I’ll do what you say, you’re right, I was so wrong and thank you so much for your input, otherwise I wouldn’t have seen that I was making a bad decision”. And I am sickened that I did fold because they said “well I’m glad I was able to save your children, at least, I would go through this again and again to save your precious children” fuck off. I can’t believe I let them say that to me.

I can’t do that anymore. I can’t just fold to people because I’m afraid of rejection. I can’t allow myself to be manipulated like that anymore or anyone could harm and take advantage of me, and that really could impact my children’s lives negatively.

I am not going to bend to manipulation anymore, and I am going to allow “I was a shitty person to someone” (because I was! even my therapist said it was a harmful and unhealthy thing to do on my part) and “but this someone was also shitty to me and I am allowed to be hurt by it, and they are wrong about who I am” to coexist.

I’m still scared to exist online because I feel like I’m under a microscope and anything will be used against me, and rightfully so. But I’m not going to disappear to appease anyone. I am not going to adhere to some forced promise that I’ll stay off socmed and stop having fun with my friends.

*addendum: I am not a bigot but I am white and squarely middle class and I understand that may mean I still have things to unlearn as far as racism and classism, and many other forms of bigotry, I would imagine. I am not perfect. But I am not a bigot.

[luciusspriggss]

i never understood how people would leave those who are addicted to something. doesnt matter what the relationship is, familial, platonic, romantic, etc., i never understood how someone could "give up" on them.

i have always believed that addiction is a disease and you should help and support those suffering with it. that they have changed because of what they are addicted to, and they arent themselves anymore, so you should do everything to help them find themselves and who they want to be outside of addiction again

but i get it. my ex has changed and become someone who actively chooses to do things that hurt me, and make me feel bad when i tell them what they did hurt my feelings. even if they aren't purposely trying to be hurtful, they arent thinking about how what they say or do will effect me and have consequences

they aren't themselves. i know they are capable of kindness and being a good person and a good partner. i know that whenever they heavily drink they become someone selfish and mean drunk and sober. i know they dont see things clearly anymore.

i've witnessed it before. i chose to be with them and let them figure their shit out. and they did. they started drinking significantly less and were kind and loving to me again.

but i dont think i can do it again. especially when they have a new partner they love and talk about all the time and bring over to sleep on the mattress we bought together. especially when they wont admit that everything they have been doing since they met their new partner, are things i have been begging for them to do with me.

i cant do it anymore. it is killing me. they wont even let me grieve properly! tell me they think it is weird that i go from being okay, confident, and excited to figure myself out to "suddenly" crying in my room. i get im a loud cryer, but im not going to anyone for reassurance or telling them they made me feel that way. im just crying! by myself! my therapist is the one that told me it is completely acceptable for me to be grieving the way i am. especially because im autistic.

i cant do it. i know they arent themselves. i know alcohol turns them into something awful and i am the target for their meanness. their dad was the same way with his ex-wife. like i get it. they need help. a lot of help.

i dont even point out their alcoholism too much, i try to let them figure it out on their own again. i just cant take it anymore. i cant do this anymore. i dont want to be treated this way anymore. i dont want the love i still have for them to be poisoned by their addiction.

i am so done. they need help. i am the clear target for their hate and awfulness. my former roommate pointed out the way they have treated me for the past month and a half seems abusive. and i dont even know what to think of that.

i cant be their target anymore. they need to figure their shit out. maybe ill message one of their sisters to try to see if they can help, but i dont know if i would be overstepping for that.

i deserve to heal from everything without also having to try and be understanding that the way they are treating me is because of their addiction.

they have grabbed me (a couple times) by my arm in a very aggressive way while drunk. they tried to rape me while drunk. they have punched the wall while drunk and angry at me. they have said some truly malicious shit to me while drunk. they get angry at me because im not expressing my emotions however way they expect me to when they are drunk. they have done so much shit to me while drunk. and i forgave them, even when they would deny it ever happened

when we were still together, they would always try to have sex with me, only when they were drunk, despite the numerous times i have told them that i am not comfortable having sex with someone who is drunk when i am sober. and they know i feel this way intensely because of the "friend" i had that raped me while i was drunk.

aahhhugggggsjsjskahagskakah

i dont know what to do. i dont know how to help them anymore. i dont know how to be there for them anymore. i dont know how to support them anymore. at least i dont know how to do all of that, and protect my mental sanity at the same time.

i just want them to be themselves again. i dont want to be with them anymore. i just miss them. they dont realize im not just grieving the relationship, im grieving them and who they used to be.

[tjsplace]

aug 10

2.30 pm

too fuckin anxious to think. people, man. people make me anxious. irresponsible, flaky, inconsequential, rude, disrespectful people. my sister, my fuckin uni group. my dad. it all goes back to my dad. always. sure, i'm high. my group partner is supposedly coming here in half an hour. i don't know if i believe him. but i work so hard and he doesn't. he bailed on me twice this week. why does this make me so angry? why can't i fuckin fix it? it makes me mad because i don't wanna do all the work alone. i did it before and it's super tiring and stressful. especially because now we have to do in six months what i did in a year and a half. i really don't wanna do it alone. i really don't. i don't wanna have just my vision on this, i want input. i wanna make something great. is that so bad? like what the fuck? why can't you help me? i hate how you just talk the talk and don't back it up with actions. reminds me of my dad. and my ex-best friend.

5.10 pm

of course he didn't show up. last night i told my roommate i'd have a sex dream with my first love, the one who's been in a monogamous relationship for eight years. i loved every minute of the dream, i hated every second i blinked my eyes. he was gone. i also told her i was kinda into my new best friend. i like him as a friend, a lot. i'd like to think we're close. he met me at the clinic when my mom passed out. he called me on the phone and was vulnerable with me about the draining summer he'd just had. we usually walk. we walked around before classes, and now after class i leave him at his house and then i take the bus back home. he's invited me over twice. one time to have lunch. two days ago to let me borrow something from him and we ended up having coffee and chatting till we parted ways. he used to be into this girl. well, more than one girl. but the last one he went on a date with, he realized she was fine but he didn't like her. not interested in her personality. she felt the same way apparently, because neither of them contacted the other. it was around the time i was fucking this other immature guy. but i stopped. he stopped. we're both single again, looking for someone. i know he's twenty-four. but he's so... he's sweet and funny, nice and responsible. he's smart and he's good-looking. i've wondered what it'd be like to fuck him. do i really wanna do it? i'll probably regret it later. but he's so easy to talk to. we have fun together. am i the one supposed to realize he likes me? is that a thing? we have good chemistry but we don't flirt, do we?

[bakedrice0022]

I find myself coming back here whenever I truly get the urge to write. I realized today that I’m scared to physically write stuff down where people can see. I don’t want people to know what goes on in my head. I’m not in a space where I’ll be welcomed with love and understanding. I don’t feel I am anyway. I know my mom went through my stuff growing up and I’m sure roommates did as well. My ex wife surely did and then Allie did and that one broke me? Which makes no sense but I felt a huge sense of betrayal when I found out. Simply because she wasn’t understanding and had a bad reaction. I read hers as well but I never once reacted like she did. Because that’s not fair to do that to someone who is literally doing the only thing they know how to properly release and figure shit out. Idk. Maybe we’re both awful. I don’t actually feel that way but that’s the first thought-kind of. Again, idk. Heartbreak and grief are both so. Fucking. Weird. And. Foreign. I keep thinking of Allie more and more and can’t figure out why. I had the strangest dream about her the other day and it wasn’t bad by any means but it was definitely…different as hell. I think I was actually in her house? She wasn’t happy at first and said to leave and I immediately threw my hands up and said “I know, I know” and I left but then I ended up back inside and she pushed-hit me and said she was mad at me and then grabbed me and hugged me so tight. I told her to let it out. I wish it was real…I wish I could have that experience with her. My heart continues to ache for her day in and out. I haven’t broke contact in almost 7 months and I’m wondering when it’ll get easier? All of it. Me telling myself no and me also telling myself if she wanted to, she would. She knows how I feel. I reached out the day the order ended and told her. And a few times sporadically after that. I miss the person I fell in love with and I somehow miss who I know she’s going to be? Her higher self-idk how to explain it. I miss someone I know I haven’t met yet and it gets more and more intense with each passing minute. I feel her. I channel her. I talk to her. Grieving the living is just as wild as grieving the dead. Twy and Allie man. The only people who single handedly changed my goddamn life in every way possible. I miss you both 🧡💛💙

[mostlymalena]

June 14th 2024 6:12pm

Hello friends and fans and family and foe.

This will be an update about Ava so big ole post. I'll try my best to tell this in an entertaining way. I'll write it like I expereinced it.

I met Ava back in 2021 because her roommate and best friend at the time, Becca, had just begun dating Josh. Yes, Josh as in best friends and roommates AND bandmate of Hugh who was my boyfriend at the time. When I find out Hugh cheated on me I get told that him and Ava are snapchatting a lot and Ava tells me that Hugh wants her and wants to hookup but she rejected him bc she is on my side. Anyways when I was going through the court stuff with Hugh because I posted about what he put me through and he said "hey not fair!", she took their side (this comes back around later I promise) and posted about me on her social media calling me a liar and saying I was never abused blah blah. Good for her for being loyal.

Fast forward to 2023, she see's me at blue post bc of course you would and comes up to me and profusely apologizes for taking their side and that she believed me this whole time and I tell her its chill no big deal and she then post me on her story which ruffles some feathers but I don't really care bc when do I ever.

Anyways, she is dating this girl Paige at the time (still 2023) and Paige's father get's really really sick. When he is close to passing away Ava's father very suddenly dies and it's very very shocking for her and her family. So of course Ava is destroyed and a lot of her friends rally to support her. Now I'm not sure when but close to when her dad died Paige cheats on Ava so we all once again rally for Ava and it's fuck Paige. Paige's father dies during this as well. Lot's of emotions.

During this time me and Ava are getting closer - I bond with her over losing a parent as I have lost my mother. Also to note I never fully attach to Ava bc she is well, she was just always in some kind of tizzy with someone and it seems to never be her fault. I mean something was ALWAYS happening to her.

Near thanksgiving time she tells me and everyone that her mother has committed suicide. Now this is when her and I really bond because I lost Emma 6 months prior to just that and I also lost my mother. So! Her and I grow closer and start hanging out outside of just seeing each other at the bars. No one had any reason to not believe her bc who tf would lie about that!! She also reached out for support several times over her father passing. During thanksgiving she even went home and posted pics of her mom's house and captioned it with stuff like "it looks the exact same since she left". She also got support about the struggle of having to clean her parents house out and how she is avoiding it bc its too hard.

Fast forward to when Grace and I start talking again. Grace and Ava had already been friends before G and I reconnected and Ava had made it clear in more than one way that she was interested in more than friends with Grace. Obvi this was brought up when G and I reconnected but Ava had made SURE to make it clear with me that she knows me and G are together and she would never pursue. Grace also sent Ava a very brute and CLEAR text which I READ MYSELF that she ONLY sees ava as a friend and there will never be anything more than friendship between them. Ava was asking Grace to hang out so much that Grace got a weird feeling and didnt wanna lead ava one or make things unclear. Ava also says that Paige is always hitting her up and showing up to her house and it's just played off as ex girlfriend drama. Wait I have a screenshot I know it

Around this time Ava is also served with a FUCKING RESTRAINING ORDER from Paige. And makes a complete joke about it. Won't show anyone the papers. Now IVE BEEN THROUGH THIS!!! So I fucking tell her what to do, like go to court and provide evidence that you are not stalking her. She does not go to court. So if you don't show up to defend yourself.. the restraining order is automatically granted. Ava "not knowing this" texts Paige on the year anniversary of her father's death and Paige calls the cops on Ava for breaking the restraining order. Ava is ARRESTED and goes to JAIL. She calls Reese (her best friend) to bail her out and Reese gets a bondsman and pays for Ava to get out. We feel bad bc Ava is like "I don't have parents to bail me out"," I don't have parents to teach me how to be an adult". so like duh she is right.

Now court is set for a couple weeks later because Ava has to see if she is going to go to actual jail for a couple months for breaking the restringing order. She hires a lawyer and me, Reese, grace, and a couple other friends go to the court room with her to support her. This happens the DAY AFTER I GET HOME FROM A TEN DAY TRIP IN ITALY. Reminder Grace and I broke up for a solid 5 days before a couple days into my Italy trip. Well Ava helped her fucking self to try and get with Grace while I was in Italy (grace rejected her) but was texting me she missed me while I was gone and was hoping I had a good trip yada yada. So already my hackles were fucking raised. I mean all the while I had a sense that Ava wanted to fuck Grace which I have expressed to Grace before lmao.

Back to all of us sitting in court:

Paige signs a paper from Ava's lawyer dismissing the call and whatever so Ava does not have to go to jail. We all celebrate and Grace post something about Ava on her story. Some girl who is Paige's friend slides up and says "If you knew the whole story you would not be supporting Ava. Ask her about her dead mom".

Now Grace and I don't know what to do with that info but we kinda decide to keep Ava at arm's length for now. She also was just always chaotic and being crazy and what not. She gets fired for picking fights with some girl at her work two days after the court win and I tell her maybe me her and Reese should sit down and make a plan for her life to get her back on track. All she does is smoke weed and get fucked up on the weekends. May 26th 2024 I realize I have not heard from her since the night before. I check her local and it's off and call and text her. No answer. I start freaking out. THEN. I get this TEXT. From a number I dont know and it's green.

So I freak the fuck out. I call Reese and we decide to go to her apartment. The door is unlocked and she isnt home but her cat is. We call the local hospitals admission offices and check if she has been admitted. Nothing.

Ava finally calls Reese and tells us she had bad thoughts and checked herself into the hospital the night before. We are all relieved but also upset she didnt text anyone at all. We tell her about the random number and she loses it and gets so upset. Telling me she is so sorry. Here are some text from that convo:

This random number starts texting Gracie and Ava's other friends terrible things like I wish she had died and shit like that. So we are all reeling from that and worried and shit. Ava and Jo graduate college so we go downtown and celebrate. Ava wears her cap and gown and seems happy.

Fast forward to June 2nd 2024. I get a call from Reese 1 hour before I'm set to pick up Ava for a Pride event at Hi-Wire.

Reese tells me a couple days prior they went to Brunch (her and Ava) to a spot where Ava wanted to go bc she knew a waitress there. Well they eat and another waitress recognizes Ava bc they know or are friends with Paige and tells Ava's waitress that Ava lied about her mom killing herself. From what I remember this waitress straight up asked Ava why people are saying she lied about it and Ava blames it on Paige trying to cause drama and shit.

Well Reese being the smartest bitch on the planet looks into it. Cannot find an obituary for Ava's mom OR dad. What does she find: HER MOTHERS INSTAGRAM. Which has a RECENT POST. AS IN 3 DAYS RECENT. Her mother is very much alive and well and paints and sells antiques. Reese and I lose it. Ethan is with me when I get all this info and me and Ethan look into it bc Reese and now I don't believe her father is dead either. Time is up, so I pick up Ava and pretend all is well and we go to Pride. Ava tells me Reese is mad at her and she thinks it's bc of some drama at her old job blah blah. I keep quiet bc I know lmao.

That night I tell the jester's chat (all my friends) and Adam being a sleuth. FINDS AVA'S DAD. Ava's dad who is also alive and well is using his retirement to be the CEO of a non-profit that builds homes for unhoused people and gets them back on their feet. So I tell Reese all this and Reese and I decide that I'm going to call and confront Ava about it all. So I do. Ava does not answer and her local is off and she wont answer texts for a long time. I get nervous she offed herself again so I do a wellness check on her. She texts me after the cops leave her house and I told her we need to talk ASAP. She calls me. And I record the convo. You can listen below just wait about 20 seconds after you click play and you will hear me say hello.

Anyways. She admits her mother is alive but insist her father is dead. bc of this I decide to post publicly and here is why:

I know Ava very well and she manipulates situations and so I wanted to get ahead of this before she tried to tell people I was a liar and crazy

Ava lied to SO MANY PEOPLE SO MANY. I feel like lies to this degree that led to people giving her money, opening up about their trauma, giving her breaks, need to be exposed.

I have no idea how she would react to this so really I just wanted to make sure Reese and I's story was accurately portrayed which is why this blog post is needed for my sanity.

I posted it on my story and got a slew of DM's of course. I answered everyone's questions and sent my evidence to those who asked.

Reese and I don't want Ava to kill herself bc she goes ghost so I call Ava's mother whose phone number is attached to her insta and record that convo as well. I just tell her mother what has happened and that Ava will need a lot of support right now. She tells me her father is alive and they are still happily married. Ava's mother told me that Claire and Paige called her the day before and that it was not a good convo but thats all the details I got from that bc it was not my place to ask.

After posting I got a call from a girl, who legit 3 years ago copied my heart sleeve as a half sleeve and I told her that wasnt chill and that was legit it. I have not thought of her since then and never spoke about her lmao. Well she has been wanting to reach out to me and apologize for how she handled the situation and ava told her not to reach out to me.

I called her back and she told me more details and also told me about how she told her that she is just my friend bc of my "social status" in wilmy whatever the fuck that means and that she never believed me about the Freedrink/Hugh stuff. AND GET THIS LMAO. Also told me that Ava is OBSESSED WITH MY GIRLFRIEND and was constantly telling her that Grace always asks to hangout and that grace is obsseseedd with her and that Ava is just waiting for us to break up so Ava gets her chance and would constantly talk about me and Paige whenever they hung out. Me and this girl are super chill now.

I called and told Reese this and Reese confirmed that Ava also told her she never believed my Freedrinks stuff and that Ava was constantly talking about Grace and wanting her. Claiming all these people including my fucking girlfriend are obsessed with her (her as in Ava)

I got a bout 104723502358 dms about all the same stuff. Paige figured out Ava was lying and thats why she got a restraining order and so I do want to publicly apologize for being on the wrong side of the court room. That was fucked up and I was wrong. 

Ava's mother also told me that AVA DID NOT GRADUATE COLLEGE LMAO. That she has to take summer classes and maybe some more next semester. SO SHE FAKED GRADUATING COLLEGE.

Ava reactivated her insta recently, blocked me instantly, didnt block MY GIRLFRIEND and posted on her close friends that she added Grace to and said "wilmy is full of lying bitches". So now here it is all laid out. 

The End. 

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hey, this is the roommate anon.

So, my dad and I are looking for someone to rent the room left by the roommate who was having repeated medical emergencies. A coworker had expressed interest. Previously, she had said she only needed one room, but now she needs two rooms. We have a side room that we had rented out a few years ago, but the guy straight up disappeared on us. So my dad said we could give them the side room. My stipulation is that I’m not sharing my bathroom, cause the guy who disappeared had shared my bathroom, and after a gallbladder surgery, that became an issue. Also, it’s messy, and I’m not willing to clean it to anyone else’s standards. Which means slow going.

The coworker and her nephew showed up today unannounced, towards the end of me eating lunch. I’ve been cleaner than I used to be, but there’s still some of my stuff that need to be neatened up, in addition to a bunch of my dad’s stuff stored in the living room, and a bunch of stuff from both ex roommates in the side room. And add in the fact that I hadn’t cleaned up from lunch yet, it wasn’t perfectly cleaned through out the house. Not terrible, but not great.

My coworker and her nephew asked if we wanted help to clean stuff up, for everyone’s health, because of bacteria and germs. This bothered me, because the mess wasn’t that bad, and also so much of it belongs to other people. And then she showed up without warning. Like, it just bothers me so much that she’s complaining about the kitchen right after I used it, or the rugs being dirty (yes, there’s stains from the past 16-17 years, again not entirely my fault). Like I said, I was eating lunch, and was gonna neaten up after. And I don’t mind my dad having a bunch of his stuff here, it’s his house, but I’m not gonna have it blamed on me. And it just bothers me so much that she said that bit about germs and bacteria when she showed up unannounced, especially cause I don’t think it’s as bad as all that.

I think a large part of the reason it upsets me so much is cause my ex step mom basically used me being messy (because of depression) as an excuse to invade my privacy for years, and then I had a bunch of people give me a bunch of different advice over the years, none of which worked, it only gave me problems with hoarding. So far, the only two things that have helped are: 1. Cleaned on a timer, and 2. It doesn’t have to be perfect. That, and that I don’t have to be responsible for other people’s messes. And I don’t know if it’s a culture thing, or if she has some mental thing where she can’t have any mess whatsoever, or what, but I told my dad that I don’t really want to live with someone who shows up unannounced, and criticizes something that isn’t that bad. Especially cause I had to show my dad the kitchen, and then how much of the stuff in the living room is his to get him to believe me. Cause all he did was say that maybe it was the smell. We have compost without a lid (his choice, not mine), the sink has been having problems with smell recently, and then My cat eats wet food, which I put the cans in the trash, and his only suggestion was to get another trash bin, which only makes things more complicated and goes back to part of the issue of making things more complicated just makes me more messy. He hasn’t even met her face to face yet, and I had to literally prove him wrong to get him to actually take my side.

Hey, nonnie! I'm sorry this happened. It sounds like a complicated situation, and though I know this ask is old and I'm sure the situation has resolved or at least changed by now, I hope you know that it's absolutely fair to have that boundary to not want to live with someone who shows up unannounced and criticises the way the house looks.

I mean, I've lived in rented places for the past 7 years of my life, and I get that when you move into a new place that has been lived in by others, you want to clean everything a bit just to feel comfortable inside it. Maybe this is a me thing, but I always clean and disinfect the surfaces and cabinets before I start to fill the place with my things. Otherwise I get really uncomfortable and constantly feel like I need to wash my hands and like I don't want to touch anything. Not necessarily because I think it's full of germs or bacteria—I just like having control and knowledge of what's been in contact with the things I touch in my living space 😅

But it's one thing to have that need to clean up your new living space, and another thing entirely to show up whenever you want to before said space is ready for you and start making comments about the conditions the space is in. And while I do think your personal history can be a part of why this affected you more than maybe it would've affected someone else, that doesn't change the fact that they had no right to show up unannounced like that, and you have a right to set boundaries and be taken seriously.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

"The Meghan I Knew" written by Meghan Markle’s Cali (retail) co-worker. Posted: in YouTube Comment Section on a MM "Stan" Account, NuttyFlavor Blog Comments & Reddit Comments

"I worked with Meghan many moons ago in LA, before she was really working as an actor, but was on her way to getting there. She had signed with a bigger agent and was starting to hang out with more Hollywood folks, but we were still working retail making the same $12 an hour, and yet she looked down on all of us then because she always felt most people were beneath her. I am in no way claiming we were besties, we were standard work friends who chatted quite a bit on the clock and hung out on a few occasions off the clock. But honestly, our friendship never grew because she was simply and truthfully a sh!t person.

The negative characteristics a lot of people sense about her are accurate. I have never been surprised about anything that has come out about her, even when she first got with Harry and people actually seemed to be fooled and were believing she was a decent person and giving her all this adoration, because she was a shapeshifter even back then and I knew her true self would come out. When I heard she was with Harry, I knew immediately that she had plotted, planned and clawed her way to hooking "a Harry/or insert any guy who would fit her end game".

Seemed to enjoy (or simply couldn't help herself) making those she saw as *beneath her feel stupid and classless (*pretty much everybody who couldn't do something for her or did things she saw as oh so unsophisticated). She was legit aghast when someone didn't know the word "gauche"...which is basically how she viewed those around her.

Was incredibly snobby, even while we were all just as broke as each other, but her Dad was very much propping her up. I once ran into her (and Trevor, the ex husband) at a 7/11 on Olympic, I was headed to my hair salon next door which was in a strip mall of sorts. She was perfectly nice initially, until I told her I was getting my hair done in a non-Beverly Hills setting. It had been at least a year since we'd been in touch and she had some acting gigs by then, clearly she was with Trevor by that point, so even more ego! The look of downright disgust and confusion on her face when I told her "oh my salon is right over there"...you would have thought I [had] told her I was getting a cut and a color in a urine-soaked gas station bathroom. And then the pleasantries quickly faded and the good ol' Meghan who shames you for daring to exist outside of her high society bubble came right back.

Had a good relationship with her Dad, but was clearly embarrassed by him and seemed to feel he was not up to par with her social standards she wanted for herself (from what I saw and from things she told me). But the things she found so uncouth were always just things that made him, him. He seemed to like the simpler things in life, and she seemed to want him to be more sophisticated, more high society. Remember her highlighting how she had to eat at the salad bar at Sizzler as a kid...yeah, I have no doubt that is because it's something she finds embarrassing and expects others to find it embarrassing also, because the super upper crust would never.

Shapeshifter, meaning she would change pretty instantly depending on who was around, but to an extreme. Like pretending not to know or be with you if you were out with her and she saw someone whom she deemed more important/worthy.

Her roommate at the time was a publicist (who she lived with for about three years if I remember correctly, but could be wrong on the time) so she very much knows what she is doing and how the PR game works, in a different way than a lot of PR clients would.

When I met her, she was madly in love with her then boyfriend (Brent or Brett) who she bragged about because they had worked together at a restaurant, but she refused to date him because she had told him she had a rule about never dating co-workers. So he quit his job so she would go out with him. She bragged about that A LOT, specifically the fact that "he quit his job for me." Within a few months, she had started hanging with more C-list actor crowds and she met Simon Rex at a party. She then pretty quickly dumped "the love of her life" who had quit his job for her within a few days after just texting with Simon (at least she claimed they had only texted). She was giddy about Simon, and I honestly knew it wasn't because she liked him, she thought she had hit the jackpot with a guy who could help her climb up. The stories of her using and dumping people once they no longer serve[d] her are not at all surprising, not in the least!

Her demeanor and personality felt very forced most of the time like she was taking things from an etiquette book and trying to pass it off as the world she came from. I think it's worth remembering she spent a ton of time on Hollywood sets, because of her Dad, but he was unflashy and fairly simple and her Mom was a bit of a Hippie who was also (from what I saw) not trying to be nor obsessed with Hollywood or living a high life. She also went to schools with a lot of rich kids, but her parents weren't famous or well known whatsoever nor really trying to move within those circles, I gather they just wanted her in good schools (again, from what I gathered) yet she grew up seeing those lifestyles and all the attention, etc. I almost think of it similarly to the cliche stories of "the janitor's or the butler's kid" who grows up amongst that world, but is never fully accepted because they're the offspring of the "help" so becomes obsessed with trying to become accepted by them, and possibly even somewhat confused because maybe they feel as if that is as much their world as the elites.

Also for someone who seems to know how and when to use her black parent to her advantage, she sure doesn't seem keen to surround herself with any other black people (who aren't her mother or super famous). She has the ability to hire and provide opportunities to people and communities, but has she chosen to hire black people? Is she in black communities trying to help? Is she speaking out in support of Blk issues regularly? Did I miss the photo op at the Buffalo mass shooting? Is any of this required of her because she is half black, no of course not. But as a very obvious whyt passing bi-racial woman, her behavior is suspect.

I'm a black woman with a bi-racial mother myself. And no, I'm not jealous nor bitter and I'm only sharing this because I appreciate your work, Murad, but want you to have more information at least when it comes to her so you can maybe consider the possibility she may not be who you think. If she was a decent person I'd be happy for her, but who wants to be happy for an arsehole?

Either way, the Meghan I knew then is exactly the person I expected to be now, and that is not a kind or generous person who wants to help others, people are props to her and men are a means to an end. She is out for herself, everything is calculated and she will stop at nothing to be seen in a very specific light that is nothing but complimentary at all times. She wants to be seen as this incredible philanthropist, but simply is not that person because she isn't capable of not putting herself first, in my opinion."

[v-hope]

Sweet Night

Pairing: Artist!Taehyung x Heiress!Reader, Heir!OC x Reader

Genre: Fluff (yes, only fluff today, enjoy), Ex Roommates AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, Arranged Marriage (Heir!OC x Reader)

Word Count: 4.8k

Summary: Neither you nor Taehyung were expecting you to show up to his art exhibition, let alone when everyone was already gone, for the two of you were well aware that you didn’t have much of a choice when it came to attending your possible future husband’s charity event instead. Then again, neither of you were counting on your brother and sister in law to take your side and drive you all the way over to him so you could surprise him before the day was over.

A/N: Helloo! This is part 24 of my Social Media AU “Belong”, but you can read it as a stand-alone one shot if you want! I would like to make a shout out to my 🇫🇮 anon for giving me the Jimin idea (you know which one, I changed it a bit to make it fit the story better, but still). I hope you guys enjoy!

Looking away from the backseat’s window, your eyes focused on your trembling hands instead — the city lights as you passed them by being the only source of light as your brother drove through the streets of Seoul, which for some reason seemed to be extremely long that particular night.

The light music Miyoung had taken upon playing on the radio from the passenger seat, in an attempt to create a somewhat calm atmosphere for you and the nervousness she was sure you were feeling, had yet to make you actually calm down. If anything, you could feel your shaky hands become sweatier by the second as you felt a tingle of anticipation in your chest.

Although you wanted with everything in you to attend Taehyung’s art exhibition, you had got out of bed that morning being mentally prepared to spend the entire day at the Lee’s charity event.

You had been ready to spend most of the day with your parents pretending that everything in your relationship was alright, perfect even. You had been smiling for the cameras all day, greeting people you were sure were just pretending to have the perfect life as well, and being forced to make small talk with the ones who used to be your friends yet had turned their back on you as soon as they had found out you were choosing a more modest life over the luxurious one — the same so called friends of yours that had to keep quiet about your little secret if they didn’t want your parents to destroy their family’s business. After all, your family was with no doubt the most powerful one in Korea. And honestly? You couldn’t help but see it now as a curse, after having spent a lifetime believing it was a gift.

Not only that, but you had also spent most of the day next to Sungjin, lovingly posing for the cameras and holding hands, making you wish every single second it was Taehyung instead. You were sure that way it would’ve been more bearable. What you hated the most was the fact that you knew said pictures were being posted right away, meaning Taehyung would see them, and you hated the utter thought of having the man you had feelings for see you acting like a happy couple with someone else — even more after you had to cancel on him to attend an event with the one guy he had asked you not to bring with you to his art exhibition to begin with.

And yet, after having to endure all of that, here you were — a little over an hour after Taehyung’s exhibit was done, being driven over there by your brother and sister in law, while Jimin held him back at the gallery, and you not even knowing what you were supposed to say at all once you saw him. You couldn’t help but wonder if maybe this whole impromptu apparition of yours was a good idea at all. It had been a long day for him, you knew that for sure, and although he had told you earlier that day that he would’ve loved to have you there, maybe by this point he just wanted to go home and get some rest.

You didn’t have much more time to think about that, though, for just as you remained deep in your thoughts, Seokjin pulled up right in front of the address you had given him before. Looking up from your fidgeting hands, you were met by two pairs of eyes already focused on you.

“Do you want us to go with you?” Seokjin asked, hand on his keys, ready to pull them out at your command.

“Um…” you hesitated, leaning closer to the window as your eyes travelled around the rather isolated street in search of any paparazzis, finding yourself to be quite relieved when you saw none of them around. “Maybe just until I find Tae”.

They nodded, exchanging one last look before they made their way out of the car right as you did. Feeling the cold breeze of the night as soon as you closed the door behind you, you couldn’t help but hug yourself, sticking close to Jin and Miyoung as if you were a kid heading to school with her parents after being called by the principal.

Right as you were about to reach the entrance, however, Yoongi made his way out of the building, looking the other way before his eyes fell on all three of you.

“Hey,” he greeted, politely bowing his head, which you didn’t wait to reciprocate. “I came to see if you were anywhere near, Jimin is going crazy trying to come up with more excuses for Taehyung not to leave”.

You chuckled at his comment, imagining just how troubled your friend must have been. After all, and to be fair, you had taken a good while to get there. “Well, I’m here now”.

“That I can see” he sarcastically replied, eyes travelling from you to Seokjin, and then focusing on Miyoung. “Are you all coming in?” his eyes went back to you.

“Is it just the three of you inside?” your brother spoke up before you could nod. As far as he had understood, it should have been only Jimin and Taehyung inside.

“Oh, no” Yoongi denied. “Namjoon-ie is with us, too”.

“Namjoon?” Miyoung wondered, puzzled eyes going up to your brother. Given her reaction, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she knew what the rest of you didn’t when it came to those two.

Seokjin bit the inside of his cheek, giving her a knowing look before his eyes went back to Yoongi. “Actually, I, um… I just remembered Miyoung-ie and I have things to do, so…”

Although your sister in law looked troubled for a split second there, she wasted no time in nodding her head. Looking at Yoongi, she struggled to get the words out of her mouth. “W-We do! So, um…” her eyes focused on you. “We should probably leave. Is it okay?”

“Sure…”

“You’ll be okay?” she pushed it, earning a small laugh from you over his motherly ways.

“She’s in good hands” Yoongi reassured her, receiving a genuine smile from her that only caused his lips to part into one of his own as well.

“Okay” she sweetly replied, giving him a small nod as a sign of gratitude.

Seokjin playfully nudged her, grabbing her hand so the whole marriage thing could at least be a little bit more believable. “Shall we go then?”

“Mhm…” she replied.

“Call me when you’re done here” your brother demanded.

“Oh, I’m sure Taehyung will drive her home” Yoongi’s words got chills running up your spine.

“Okay,” Jin’s eyes travelled from Yoongi to you. “Call me when you’re home then”.

“I will” you obediently complied.

With that said, your brother and sister in law turned around, leaving you alone with Yoongi, who didn’t wait to motion towards the door for you to go inside.

“After you” he politely said.

You smiled, taking in a shaky breath before you took a step in. Suddenly all the nervousness you had felt on your way here came right back to hit you in the face, not knowing at all what to do once you were in front of the guy you had ditched the Lee’s event for — not even knowing how he would react at all, yet hoping he would be happy to have you there.

You didn’t get too much time to mentally prepare, for as soon as you entered the place being followed by Yoongi, you caught a glimpse of the backs of the other three men inside as they faced one of the many paintings that brought some life to the neutral white covering every single wall of the gallery. And it was a matter of you taking a few steps towards them for three pairs of eyes to be set on you. However, yours were only focused on one particular pair of them — those chocolate ones that displayed a mixture of surprise and pure happiness in them.

“You’re here?” Taehyung asked the obvious once you reached their side, causing his friends to chuckle in amusement.

“Seems like it…” you nervously managed to get out.

Silence took over as big smiles were plastered all over your faces — on yours and Taehyung’s, as the two of you were happy as hell to see each other, and on his friends, for they were having a blast watching the two of you awkwardly stand in front of one another with those dumb smiles of yours, not knowing what to do next.

“Come on,” Jimin chimed in, placing his hand behind your back and lightly pushing you towards Tae. “Your girl fooled her parents into coming here, the least she deserves is a hug”.

With a giggle escaping Tae’s mouth, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you when your body was about to collide with his. Feeling your heart going wild at the warmness of his touch, you wrapped your arms around his waist as well, resting your face on his chest and taking in his scent right as he lowered his head just enough to bury it in your neck.

“Thank you for coming” he mumbled.

A light chuckle abandoned your mouth, deciding to say nothing and instead just nod your head and wrap your arms tighter around his figure.

“Okay, I think this is our cue to go” Namjoon’s voice broke the comfortable silence you had fallen into.

“Yup” Yoongi agreed, patting Jimin’s back to catch his attention, as he was shamelessly taking pictures of the two of you to remember the moment his friends somewhat got together. “Let’s give the love birds some privacy”.

Nodding his head, Jimin shoved his phone back into his pocket — neither of them bothering to say goodbye not to kill the moment the two of you were sharing, and just quietly leaving the gallery instead.

Once you heard the front doors being closed, Taehyung pulled away, cupping your face in his warm hands and smiling at the sight of you. “I never thought seeing you would make me this happy”.

“Yah, Kim Taehyung” you called him out. “I’m sure you can be sweeter than that”.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes at how spoiled you had become when it came to him and his show of affection. “I’m happy you’re here, princess”.

You smiled, resting your hands over his and drawing small circles with your thumbs on his skin. “I’m happy I’m here”.

His smile turned sweeter somehow, lightly pressing his forehead on yours before a chuckle escaped his mouth and he amusedly shook his head.

“What is it?” you wondered.

“Nothing,” he laughed, pulling away and letting go of your face. “It just makes sense now why the guys were trying so hard to keep me here. Specially Jimin”.

“Was he losing it?” you laughed.

“Totally” he nodded. “He made me go over the whole exhibition again and explain each one of my paintings at least twice to him” his eyes travelled to one particular spot on the wall right next to the painting they had been admiring when you walked in. “When he ran out of pieces to ask me about he pointed at this small crack on the wall and asked me how I had come up with such a deep concept”.

This time, you couldn’t help but tilt your head back as a throaty laugh escaped your mouth — one that had Taehyung giggling, absolutely loving the sound of your laugh.

“He’s an idiot” you stated. “But he kept you here for me, so…”

“That he did” he smiled, biting his bottom lip as his eyes unconsciously travelled down your body — that pink dress of yours sure did look even better in person. “Aren’t you cold?”

Your eyes instinctively went down to your uncovered legs and then to your uncovered arms, remembering how you had hugged yourself outside minutes ago because of the cold air of the night. “It’s alright in here”.

He nodded his head. “My coat is by the entrance, in case you get too cold”.

You smiled sweetly, yet it didn’t wait to turn into what seemed more like a teasing smirk. “So you told me earlier today that you wished you had got to see me in this dress and now you want to cover it up?”

Taehyung rolled his eyes in amusement. “Don’t get me wrong, princess. I already told you I think you look beautiful and am most definitely enjoying the view right now” his bold words brought heat to your face. “I’m just looking after you”.

“How sweet of you” your sarcastic tone didn’t really match your flustered expression. “I’m okay for now. Will let you enjoy the view for a little longer”.

“How considerate of you” he was quick to follow your sarcastic antics, silently enjoying that particular choice of yours.

“I know, no need to say it” you playfully squinted your eyes at him, later taking a look at the whole gallery. “You think you could show me around?”

He nodded, a bright smile already taking over his face. “It will be my pleasure” his dramatism got a playful roll of eyes from you. “Where would you like to start?”

“This one is alright” you pointed out, moving closer to the painting you already had in front. “So,” you began, eyes tauntingly going to the crack next to his painting. “Tell me about how you came up with such a deep concept”.

“Shut up” he amusedly rolled his eyes.

“No, but seriously now” you smiled, this time staring at the piece of art in front of you. “Tell me about this one”.

Taehyung’s art, you had found out quite a while ago, tended to be on the abstract side. Therefore, it was even harder for you —or anyone for that matter— to interpret.

This one piece, just like the tag placed above it on the wall let you know, was called ‘Winter Bear’. You could clearly see the winter, the palette of colours he had used just screamed cold days and melancholy. Nevertheless, the bear mentioned in the title was nowhere to be found in the painting — instead, you managed to tell apart what you thought was a little boy, somewhat hidden in between all the colourful strokes surrounding his figure.

“That’s me” he pointed out when he could no longer deal with the confusion in your face, managing to draw your attention back to him.

“What?” your bottom lip stuck out in a pout. “What is the word ‘bear’ doing in the title then?”

He chuckled. “It’s art, you dork. You can name it anything you want”.

“I think it must mean something, though…”

Taehyung bit his bottom lip. Of course you would know better.

“That’s what my grandparents used to call me” he confessed.

You nodded quietly, understandingly — not really knowing what to say yet not wanting to stay silent. “You must miss them so much…”

“Sometimes,” he nodded. “I mean, not a day goes by in which I don’t miss them, it’s just that… it’s been years so… you kinda grow used to it” his shoulders moved up and down, in a shrug that tried not to make it seem like a big deal. “The whole exhibit was related to winter, so it naturally reminded me of them and how they used to call me, and… I guess I got too personal with this exhibition”.

You gave him a sweet smile of reassurance, reaching for his hand and holding it in yours. “It’s your art. It’s supposed to be personal”.

The boxy smile that he gave you right then was all it took for your heart to skip a beat, later taking in a shaky breath when he intertwined his long fingers with yours and his thumb drew small circles on the back of your hand.

Your eyes went back to the painting in front, trying your best not to let him know what his touch did to you. “I love it” you stated, much to his pleasure. “Love the way it seems to make no sense when you only read the title, yet it makes complete sense after you explain it”.

He smiled wholeheartedly. “I think it just makes no sense” his words had you furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. “Not everyone is lucky enough to know the true meaning behind it”.

You giggled. “Lucky me then”.

“Lucky you” he agreed.

Tugging at his hand, you moved on to the next painting, and then the next one, and so on. Not a second had gone by in which you had let go of each other’s hand as you commented on the different paintings and the meanings behind each of them — the two of you finding yourselves having the time of your lives as you gave him your take on them and he confirmed whether or not it was what he had tried to portray.

That was what each of you liked about art so much, the fact that there was no wrong answer and you could discuss it so freely. Sure, he had something in mind the moment he painted each one of his pieces, but it was always fun to see what the rest of the people would feel when they looked at them.

And, for some reason, it was particularly enjoyable to him when it came to discussing art with you. So he had found out back when he invited you to one of his friend’s exhibits. It was different than talking about it with his friends, and he didn’t know if it was the fact that, unlike them, you actually knew about art, or just the fact that it was you.

Maybe both.

Tightening your hold on his hand when there were only four more artworks left, you moved on to the next one, having your jaw drop at the sight of it.

“Hey, this is the one I fixed” you blurted out in both surprise and excitement, unconsciously moving closer to it and dragging Taehyung with you so you could appreciate it better.

Although you were excited to see it there, you couldn’t help but feel your face heat up at the memories it brought back — the fact that you had collided with it and spilled coffee on it, still being both upsetting and embarrassing as hell.

You remembered quite well the way you had ran out in search of an art shop to find the necessary supplies to fix it before Taehyung could get home. Maybe you should have been faster. Not like that would’ve been of too much help, though, for whether you wanted to admit it to yourself or not, you knew very well he would’ve noticed something was off with his newest creation right away.

Looking at the different shades of blue and touches of yellow right then brought you back to that night you pulled an all-nighter, meticulously trying to recreate his painting — the hardest part being that you had only got to see it for a split second before the coffee that used to be on your —by then— broken mug had ruined it. You could only be thankful that it had been just a particular part of the painting and not all of it.

Staring into the picture, you had to stop yourself from reaching your hand out to it and trace your fingers over the pair of eyes you could tell apart in yet another one of his abstract works. You had not truly paid attention to them that one night you spent in Taehyung’s living room fixing his painting, for you had been way too invested in the details you had ruined. And you couldn’t help but feel relieved over the fact that the hot liquid had not touched the eyes he had so perfectly portrayed, for although they looked quite familiar somehow, you weren’t sure you would have been able to do any justice to them.

“I didn’t think you were actually displaying it” you mumbled after a few seconds, eyes still fixed on the painting.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he cocked one of his eyebrows. “Not to be that guy, but it’s quite good”.

“Yes,” you agreed in a heartbeat. “But you can tell one part of it is quite different to the rest of it”.

“You did a good job fixing it, princess” he recognized. “No one could really tell the difference”.

“I can tell” you mumbled.

Taehyung laughed under his breath. “Will you just look up to its title?”

Doing as told out of curiosity, your eyes darted up in a heartbeat — feeling them well up with tears when you read what the label above the artwork said.

“Sweet Night”, ft. Ariel.

Looking up to hold back the tears you felt so dumb for even having in the first place, you shook your head as the corners of your lips curved slightly up. “You did not just credit me after being the one to ruin it to begin with”.

“Hey, I wasn’t taking full credit over something I didn’t completely paint” he stated. “Plus, it’s smart, don’t you think? No one will ever know this Ariel person is no other than the infamous Kim Y/N”.

“You really didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to” he stated.

You bit your bottom lip, no longer being able to hold back your smile and letting it part your lips like it had been threatening to. Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh under his breath over how adorable he thought you were, not even dreaming of stopping himself when he let go of your hand and placed his arm over your shoulders instead, pulling you closer to him as the two of you stared into the artwork in front.

“Why ‘Sweet Night’?” you wondered, leaning your head on his body.

He shrugged. “It’s silly”.

“Come onnn,” you pouted, pulling slightly away so you could look at him. “Out of all the paintings here, you can’t leave out the explanation to this particular one”.

Taehyung sighed, knowing well enough that, one, you were right, and, two, you were not letting this go until he told you.

“It was inspired by that one night I came home to you and Sungjin” he said rather bitterly, remembering pretty well how he had not been fazed at all by the fact that you and said guy had obviously been making out right before, yet feeling his blood boil at the mere thought of it now. “We stayed up late eating lots and lots of sweet popcorn because I had way too many of them and you became addicted to them and how well they went with wine” a small laugh escaped his mouth at the memory. “So I just went with that. Plus, you were being really sweet that night and it was the first time I got to see that side of you, so…”

“That is really sweet” you mumbled, feeling the heat reach your cheeks.

“Don’t” he pleaded.

You laughed. “It truly is sweet, Vante” the way your eyes had softened at the sight of him, had his heart skipping a beat. “What do the eyes mean, though?”

“You just want to torture me by now” he called you out.

“I’m just asking!” you defended yourself with a giggle.

Taehyung rolled his eyes, feeling the heat reach his face as he intently focused on the painting, evading your eyes as he spoke.

“I’ve never been a fan of people having their full attention on me, I don’t like being the center of attention… I mean, I told you today how I was not looking forward to the moment I would have to give a speech in front of all my guests” you nodded, remembering how you had tried to cheer him up when it came to that. “So I don’t really talk about my art… or about art in general, to anyone. I just show it to them and let them interpret it, that’s what art is about, after all. But that one night you asked me a lot about my art and I actually felt like talking about it with you, and I remember the way your eyes were fixed on me almost as if you were scared you would miss some kind of important detail,” he laughed lightly. “And for the first time I liked the attention. I guess that inspired me enough to paint this”.

“So those are my eyes?” you asked.

He shrugged. “It’s up for interpretation”.

You shook your head in amusement, staring down as you felt your face burning. “You’re the worst”.

Taehyung chuckled, pulling you closer to him with the arm that was still around your shoulders, and using his free hand to place two fingers under your chin and make you look up at him. “Am I now?”

You felt your breathing become heavier the second his nose faintly bumped on yours — his lips only centimeters away from your anticipating ones. Too intimidated by him right then, knowing well enough he had you wrapped around his finger, you managed to shake your head no to answer his question, without taking your eyes away from his for even a second. Or well, that until his chocolate ones travelled down to your mouth.

Staring down into his tempting lips as they slowly came closer to yours, you looked up to his eyes for a split second, just enough to catch a glimpse of the way his remained fixed on your mouth. And then, you saw nothing — eyes instinctively closing when his lips softly trapped your bottom one.

Just one touch of his lips made you wonder how you had managed to go on all these weeks without getting a taste of them again.

“I thought you didn’t do this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing?” you whispered against his lips, opening your eyes to find his dark ones already fixed on you.

A small, breathy laugh escaped his mouth, leaning in so it would faintly brush against yours. “I’m not kissing you as a friend”.

Your lips parted into a smile, not letting another second go by before you pressed your lips to his, making him smile and cup your face in his hands just like he had done weeks ago with the intention of deepening the kiss.

With your arms wrapping around his neck, you pulled him closer to your body, letting go of the kiss for a second to catch your breath and having him take advantage of your slightly open mouth to trap your bottom lip in his eager ones again, this time tracing his tongue over it and slipping it inside your still open mouth — meeting your awaiting one in the middle just the way he wanted.

Letting go of your face, one of his hands travelled down to your lower back so he could feel you even closer, fingers tracing their way down your bare arms as he did so, and feeling goosebumps form on your skin.

“You’re cold?” he asked, taking one second to catch his breath before his wet lips were back on yours.

You shook your head no, a small, shy laugh escaping your mouth. “I didn’t get chills because I’m cold”.

Taehyung bit his lip, feeling the corners of his mouth curving up and pressing one last kiss to your lips before finally pulling away from you as his eyes were intently fixed on yours.

“I will keep my coat to myself then” he teased you.

“Nope,” you were quick to deny. “I am taking you up on the coat offer when we leave”.

“Okay” he laughed lightly, the hand that was still on your face travelling down your arm to intertwine his fingers with yours. “Shall we go?”

You shook your head no quite effusively. “We’re not done with the exhibit yet!”

“I’m hungry, let’s go eat something” Taehyung whined. “We can come back some other day”.

“Yah,” you called him out. “I came all the way here just to see your artworks”.

Your words earned a somewhat bitter pout from him. “Thought you had come all the way over here to see me”.

You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that, tugging on his hand to pull him closer, and then making him replace said pout with a smile when you pressed two chaste kisses to his mouth. “It was implicit” your teasing words had him rolling his eyes. “We only have three more to go and then I’m all yours”.

He smirked, pulling you with him to the next piece. “I like the sound of that”.

“I meant it as in, then we can go get some food” you mumbled, feeling your face burning for what felt like the millionth time that night.

“I know” he pecked your lips. “Doesn’t change that I enjoy the sound of that”.

[luciusspriggss]

i also need to be honest that i am hyperfocusing so much on the ted lasso finale

because i realized yesterday/this morning, that my roommate and i have an uncanny number of things in common

our overall affect and i dunno...personality? (he is VERY easy going. i am too but he takes it to another level) are very different

but everything else? i am distraught that we never became friends sooner

i am sad because he is the only one in my life right now i feel safe enough to be myself and look for support

but i cant entirely because he is best friend's with my ex.

the whole reason we never became friends is because i didnt want to ruin his friendship with my ex. my ex ALWAYS went to him for every problem we had (usually before they were even resolved. jes would get defensive and leave the conversation before i could explain myself)

so like...if i became friends with him, it would have been harder for him to listen to my ex complain about me. i tried to protect their friendship even though that meant i never got to know my roommate after living three years together. based off the things jes said, i thought he hated me.

but i guess the feeling was mutual. we both thought we didnt like each other and we both detached to not make things harder for the living situation

but we have been getting to know one another. i try to never talk to him about my feelings and problems with jes, but he is actually a kind guy who recognizes my ex is treating me in an awful manner and he checks in on me to see if i am okay with everything

i give basic broad answers so as to not reveal too much. and i apologize if i ever feel like i am divulging too much information that will burden him more. i have apologized for being detached, and the part i played in the shitshow that was our living situation. i admitted to him, that while i tried to get jes to not talk to him many times, i should have also been advocating for him and how it must have made him feel as well.

and part of the convo with my ex yesterday (which was me setting boundaries and standing true to what i need and what i believe while simultaneously making sure they know i care about them) involved them claiming how unfair it is that i tell our roommate "everything" that is happening between us.

and i was so flabbergasted. they were mad that i disclosed to him that jes tried to rape me. but like...they did. if they didnt want that to be revealed they shouldn't have done it. it is not my fault they willingly chose to forget it ever happened instead of trying to make it up to me.

also, i had to put it to them straight, that i dont tel him everything, i only talk about shit when HE checks in on me and discloses his own problems with jes and how he can only imagine how it is affecting me. i keep it simple and dont reveal much

and i told them how unfair it is that they have been doing worse the entire time we lived together, and how it wasn't fair to our roommate and myself.

even went for the jugular by revealing to them that i DEFEND jes the entire fucking time when i talk to our roommate. and how lonely it is to finally have someone who accepts me for who i am, genuinely enjoys spending time with me, and actually sees the world the same way i do, and i dont feel comfortable talking to him about my problems, because i am trying to respect jes as much as possible

i just...

my roommate and i actually vibe very well

and to be truthful, we matched on tinder months before i met jes. i chose to unmatch (for good reasons)

if my roommate and i had become friends sooner, i would have been able to see through jes' shit so much quicker. simply because, my roommate is actually a good fucking person

and it kills me, that we will never have a good friendship, or one that we both would greatly benefit from, because he is best friend's with my ex

do you know how hard it is to find someone you actually feel at peace with? and they were living with you the whole fucking time. and nothing great will come of it because of your ex?

do you know how hard it is for me to trust him? to see the real him, and not the version my ex poisoned me against? to recognize all the years we lived together, when i was distraught HE would tell jes to check in on me. and then jes would get mad at me because he suggested it and i shouldn't have been sad about shit in the first place?

that when we would all party, HE was the one i always had fun with because my ex would neglect me and usually pick fights with me or get mad at me

that HE didnt want to go to bars and get drunk all the time, my ex did, he just went to be a supportive friend to them? neglecting his own needs and desires to help them out because my ex needs it?

that fundamentally my roommate and i agree on life, politics, food, living, music, fucking everything MORE than i do with jes

do you know how fucking insane it is that i lived with someone for three years and had no fucking clue how cool, genuine, and amazing they are?

i'm just so bitter. we both have acknowledged to one another that we wish we had been friends sooner.

he is the one that tells me i am valid for feeling as upset about my ex as i do. he admits to me he did not understand why we ever tried to live together in the first place post-breakup, and i admit to him i didnt want to, they convinced me i was being manipulative and in the wrong for wanting to leave

do you know how nice it is, to have someone who hears about how much i am struggling with my ex and new roommates, and ON HIS OWN, takes the initiative to contact our landlord, my new roommates, figure out lease agreements and shit, just to help me out and ease my stress a little?

he is doing so much he doesn't have to. and it's crazy because we really don't spend that much time together. we exist on our own doing our own thing. i wish we could spend more time together, but that gets into the whole intruding on his and my ex's friendship thing. sometimes we watch ted lasso together, but that's it.

just talks in the kitchen and garden about life

and it is nice to have someone not insult me or make fun of me while we talk about shit

this is bare minimum shit. that my ex never gave me.

he tells me i'm allowed to be angry, i'm allowed to be upset, that i don't have to defend my ex all the time, and that when he moves out he still wants to hang out and be friends

i wish i met him under different circumstances. and actually took the time to get to know him the normal way. without my ex being present at all.