#like I was watching MASH the other night and Hawkeye said something to Margret that really hit it on the head
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#so I guess it’s time for one of those late night posts where I basically write a diary entry#but like anyway being lovers with someone is such a wild concept to me#and maybe it’s because I’ve never met a person who has been willing to love me the way I’d like to be loved but like…#how do you get somebody to care about you so much that they want to be around you all the time#ask you about your day and listen and then tell you about theirs#someone who I share interests with and participates in things with me#who also understands that it’s cool if I go off and do my own thing once in a while#how do you get someone to trust you enough to be open and vulnerable with them and vice versa?#I’m not sure I’ll ever find someone who’s willing to put up with me just as much as I’m willing to devote myself to them#it just seems like such a person is too good to be true#like people tell you that there’s someone for everyone but that sounds like a comforting lie if I’m going to be honest with you#is it just that I’m in the wrong place? or that I’ve been depressed for long enough that I never developed a healthy sense of optimism?#(at least where it concerns the idea of love)#like I was watching MASH the other night and Hawkeye said something to Margret that really hit it on the head#he said something like ‘why are you looking for something tailor made in an off-the-rack world’#and I thought yeah damn#nobody can be tailor made for us. we’re stuck with what’s out on the sales floor#and sure we can make alterations to garments but with people you can’t do that#so like where does that leave us?#do we really just kinda go through life settling for whomever we’re willing to put up with at the time??#I guess I gotta hold out until I find someone who’s worth working with and making alterations to my self for#but like. I’m unfortunately still super skeptical that it’ll ever happen.
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