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#it just seems like such a person is too good to be true
koiiiji · 2 days
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lookism x reader. between takes
summary ; lookism actually is a series, and all guys are just actors, same as you, so you happen to meet with them backstage.
starring ; seongji, jungoo, jongun, gimyong
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SEONGJI x demon!reader
the bustling film set was alive with energy. you were taking a break from your role, when you spotted Seongji Yook across the lot. his team was filming scenes for “lookism,” in the mountains of cheongliang too. you couldn't help but smile at the sight of your friend. Seongji noticed you and waved, making his way over with a grin. “nice horns. going for a new look?”
you laughed, adjusting your tail. “just trying something different. how’s the day going on your end?” he shrugged, glancing at his hands and feet. “i feel kinda weird with this,” he said, gesturing to the fake extra finger on each hand and foot.
“really?” you asked ironically, pointing at your demoniacal makeup, horns on your forehead and the tail behind you. “i think we’re both quite the spectacle here”
as you both found a quiet spot to sit, the conversation flowed easily. you talked about your roles, shared behind-the-scenes stories, and teased each other about your costumes.
“you make a pretty convincing demon,” Seongji said, his tone teasing yet sincere. “i’d say you’re stealing the show.”
“thanks, but i think you’re the real star,” you replied, meeting his gaze. “i saw you on set, your scenes have been incredible, your appearance in “lookism” will blow the whole show.”
there was a comfortable silence, the kind only shared between good friends. yet beneath it, there was an unspoken tension, that nobody dared to speak about. Seongji leaned back, watching the crew set up for the next scene. “you know, i’ve always admired how dedicated you are to your roles.”
your heart skipped a beat, his words feeling more personal than casual. “thank you, Seongji, i really appreciate it!”
and before you knew it, the break was over, and you both had to return to your sets. as you stood, Seongji hesitated for a moment. “hey, maybe we could grab dinner after filming wraps up?”
the invitation hung in the air, filled with possibilities. “i’d like that,” you replied, trying to contain your excitement.
with a shared smile, you parted ways, the encounter leaving you with a sense of anticipation.
JUNGOO x pirate!reader
cozy coffee shop was bustling with the morning crowd. you felt a bit out of place in your full pirate costume — with oversized shirt, high knee boots and tight corset, complete with a big hat adorned with feathers and all small accessories everywhere. your team took a break from filming, you all needed a caffeine boost. as you waited for your order, the door chimed, and in walked Jungoo Kim. you heard that his team filming “lookism” somewhere near your location. his costume torn in some spots and covered in fake blood, his skin in bruises from a fight scene and hair is messy. despite his rough appearance, he carried himself with his usual charismatic confidence.
your eyes met briefly, and you both did a double take. you recognized him instantly — you kinda were his fan, he is an actor you secretly admired and respected.
he recognized you as well, approaching with a playful grin, trying to play it cool. “ahoy there, captain,” he called out with a playful grin as he sauntered over. “looking for treasure, or have you already stolen it with that outfit?”
you laughed, tipping your hat. “just trying to keep myself and the crew in line.” you smiled, waving your head to the side where your set colleagues were sitting, feeling your cheeks warm. “and what about you, mister criminal? fighting off enemies before breakfast?”
Jungoo smirked, leaning in conspiratorially. “thought i’d see if the rumors were true about a captivating pirate queen causing a stir. seems they were right.”
you leaned back on the counter, smiling conspiratorially at him, playing along with his little performance, “ah, so you're not here by chance, and it's you the one who are looking for treasure here” you smiled teasingly, lifting your chin, the feathers on your hat trembled slightly.
“well, you caught me,” he chuckled, eyes twinkling. “i do have a knack for looking for treasures. maybe i should join your crew — think you could handle the competition?”
“only if you promise not to steal my spotlight,” you bantered back, imagining him in a tricorn hat and boots.
Jungoo leaned closer, lowering his voice as if sharing a secret. “i promise to keep the spotlight firmly on you. though, i might steal a dance from the captain.”
the playful exchange left you smiling, and you found yourself enjoying his company more than expected.
“i have to admit, i’ve been a fan of your work for a while,” he confessed, suddenly trying to sound nonchalant. “your performances are always captivating.”
surprised and flattered, you replied, “really? i’ve been following your career too. your fight scenes with sword are legendary.”
but as the director burst into the cafe and barked at everyone, urging them to return to set to start filming, Jungoo offered you a wink. “break a leg, captain. i’ll be here to catch you if you fall.”
with a wave, you returned to your role, feeling a bit more buoyant from the encounter.
JONGUN x black swan!reader
film studio was a maze of sets and props, buzzing with activity. you were navigating the corridors, adjusting to the thick black eye lenses you wore for your role as the black swan in upcoming film. they made everything difficult to see, but the effect was stunning on camera.
as you carefully made your way to the break room, you suddenly collided with someone. the impact, unexpected and strong, caused you to lose your balance and fall.
“whoa!” a deep voice exclaimed. you found yourself looking up at Park Jongun, who was also wearing the same intense black lenses for his role on the neighbor set.
“i’m so sorry!” you said, embarrassed as you tried to regain your footing. Jongun quickly helped you up, grabbing your wrist, pulling. you to his broad chesr, a little harder then he should have. his grip steady. “no, it’s my fault. these lenses make it hard to see anything.”
“tell me about it. i’ve been bumping into everything.” you laughed softly, brushing yourself off. he glanced at your costume, noticing the contrast between your delicate ballerina attire and his all bruised and blooded body makeup. “looks like we’re playing quite opposite roles.” he said, finally losing his grip and letting you go.
“yeah,” you admitted, feeling a bit self-conscious. “i had to lose a lot of weight for this role, so i’m not exactly steady on my feet.”
Jongun offered you a charm smile. “you look incredible, though. very convincing as a ballerina.”
“thanks,” you replied, appreciating his kindness. “i’m guessing you’re the tough guy in your film?”
he nodded, a hint of pride and amusement in his voice. “yeah, shiro oni, always ready for few crazy fights. but i promise i’m not as scary in real life.”
as you continued talking, you found Jongun to be easygoing and surprisingly funny. you shared stories about your roles and the challenges of filming with these horrible jet black lenses.
“next time, we should get a guide dog,” he joked, making you laugh.
“or maybe just a cane,” you suggested, enjoying the lighthearted banter.
eventually, it was time to return to your respective sets. “it was nice bumping into you — literally. let’s try to meet again when we can actually see each other.” Jongun smiled dazzlingly again, gently clasping your wrist, and leaving a light, soft kiss your knuckles.
“deal?” he asked with a charm grin, while you stand there smiling shyly, feeling a newfound connection.
“i’d like that,” you replied, feeling grateful for the unexpected encounter. with a wave, you both headed back to work, the meeting leaving you with a smile and the possibility of a new connection.
GIMYONG x targaryen princess!reader
sun was beginning to set over the bustling film set near the sea, casting a warm glow on the neighboring sets of two popular series. one set belonged to the fantasy series where you played a targaryen princess, and the other to the hit show "lookism," where Gimyong had one of the main roles.
he had often glanced toward your set during breaks, intrigued by the regal world of dragons and thrones. he'd heard about y&u from mutual crew members and quietly admired you from afar.
but today, fate seemed to favor him. a scheduling overlap meant both productions were on a break simultaneously. seizing the opportunity, Gimyong wandered over, pretending to be curious about the elaborate set design.
as you stepped outside, still in your flowing, black gown embroidered with red and gold threads, depicting scales, tails and heads of dragons on the sleeves and collar. you saw Gimyong standing nearby, looking somewhat out of place in his black coat. classic black trousers, white shirt and loafers amidst the medieval backdrop.
“hey, aren't you from "lookism?"” you asked, recognizing him from the posters plastered around the studio. he abruptly pulled his hand away from the blue weird machine that soon will be turned into your dragon with computers cgi effects help. he beamed at you, intensively nodding. he was a bit surprised but pleased you knew of him. “yeah, i'm Gimyong. i've been curious about your set for a while. it's got quite the atmosphere.”
you smiled, appreciating his interest. “it's definitely a different world over here. i'm [y/n], by the way.”
“it's nice to finally meet you,”he said, but paused himself for a moment, glancing back at weird blue platform. he noticed once, that your team usually shoot scenes of flying on dragon's back on this thing. brilliant pick up line immediately was born in his head.
“sooo that’s supposed to be your dragon on screen, right?” he grinned, swinging onto the platform from behind, trying to play it cool, but it came out a little awkward, as you can see he is clearly nervous. you giggled softly, but decided to play along, already understanding what he was leading to.
“yes, his name is Vermithor, really huge dragon.” you elegantly covered your mouth with your hand, trying to hide a shameless smile, at Gimyong’s attempt to flirt.
“you know, im kinda dragon myself, being the son of a golden dragon… so how about safe the dragon and ride-” you couldn't let him finish the sentence, bursting into laughter from his pickup line and such a self-confident face. Gimyong was truly humongous man.
in fact, he was not confused or upset by your laughter, because in the end he amused you. his light laugh joined yours and he was happy that he made you laugh.
“no, but seriously, i’ve heard great things about your performance.”
“thank you! it’s been a dream role for me,” you replied warmly, your genuine smile still playing on your lips. “i’ve seen a few episodes of lookism — i absolutely in love with it! your character is such a gentleman.” you exclaimed admiringly, remembering all the scenes where Gimyong was filming with his 'mother', and how cheerful his character was, representing a wonderful leader.
as you talked, the conversation flowed naturally, and Gimyong felt his initial nervousness fading away. he found himself captivated not just by your talent, but by your genuine enthusiasm and kindness.
“maybe you could give me a tour of your set sometime?” Gimyong suggested, hoping to extend the conversation — and his time with you.
“i’d love that,” you replied, intrigued by the idea. “and maybe i could visit yours. i’ve always been curious about how you bring such a cool fightings to life.”
with a shared promise to explore each other’s worlds, Gimyong returned to his set with a newfound excitement. meeting you had been even better than he imagined, and he couldn't wait when you will visit his set, to show off in front of you with his skills and muscles.
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saphfix · 2 days
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THE ART OF WINNING
01. WINNER’S MENTALITY
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“WHEN YOU HEAR THE PHRASE WINNER’S MENTALITY, WHAT IS THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND?”
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“Uh…” Anastasia nervously laughs, her mind shooting to one specific moment in her life. “Pretty much being told at sixteen years old that I wasn’t good enough, and never would be good enough.”
The interviewer nods, signaling for Anastasia to continue on. She shifts uncomfortably before clearing her throat to continue.
“Getting invited to USA Basketball was my dream come true. For a young basketball player—even for older basketball players—it feels like a rite of passage, a message to yourself that you’ve made it.”
Anastasia fiddles with her hands, the memory flooding back to her. “And that was the case for me, except, it didn’t take very long at all for it to end up becoming my worst nightmare instead.”
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MAY 25TH, 2017
OLYMPIC TRAINING CENTER
COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO
The first day jitters were not wearing off. All day long they’ve seemed to have only gotten worse. It amazed Anastasia how people could connect with one another so easily.
One person in specific, Paige Bueckers, had everyone’s attention. The girl was already a well-known name, and was as close as a 15 year old could be to a professional.
But what really intrigued Anastasia about her was her charisma. How she managed to form friendships with some of the other girls who were also trying out in just a span of hours.
It took Anastasia years to connect with her highschool teammates back home, and she still isn’t nearly as close to any of them as they are with each other.
She watched on alone in the corner of the cafeteria, sliding her food around her plate in circles. Paige on the other hand, somehow had a full table of girls surrounding her, every single one of them laughing and reacting to whatever show she was currently putting on.
It was never that easy for Anastasia, and she fears it never will be.
When practice resumed, she instantly felt much better. That’s the beauty of a basketball court, when you’re on it everyone is the same, at least to a certain extent. It’s safe to say there are levels to it all, just like everything else in this world. Some people turn into an entirely different person when they step onto the laminated wood, but Anastasia doesn’t have that switch. It’s the thing that sets her apart from everyone else.
She’s static, always the same.
After returning to the bench for a group rotation, Anastasia was quick to notice the body language of the girl seated next to her. As soon as she sat down, the girl slightly turned away, as if Anastasia disgusted her or something.
Anastasia ignored it, wondering if she was thinking too much of it. That is until she realizes the girl seemed to be itching to tell her something.
“Do you have something to say—”
Almost immediately the girl cuts her off. “You’re too tense.” She says.
“Too tense?” Anastasia responds, taken aback. She screws the lid to her water bottle closed before setting it down. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
The girl never once looks in Anastasia’s direction, her eyes glued to the court. “When you’re bringing the ball up, you’re too tense, that’s why your shots not falling. You’re also not releasing them quick enough given your power is unbalanced throughout your whole body.”
Anastasia stares in disbelief. Her audacity is mind blowing.
“It should be effortless, a more fluid motion.” She continues on. “You should use more of the strength in your legs because right now, you look like you have a stick up your ass.”
“Excuse me?” Anastasia finally asks. It was almost scary how she was saying all of this with a straight face. She really meant every word leaving her lips, leaving Anastasia feeling more insecure than ever.
The whistle blows, meaning the next group was being rotated in. The girl stands to her feet, finally looking in Anastasia’s direction. “Just watch.”
And though Anastasia is still fuming with all the words she was ready to say looming around her mind, she watches. She watches as the large 223 painted across the brunettes practice jersey fades further away onto the court.
As soon as she gets ahold of the ball, she handles it like it’s not even there in her hands. She’s careless, almost too careless. You can tell by her stance, her gait, that confidence radiates off of her when she’s on the court.
She has the switch.
It almost feels like a slap in the face when she effortlessly pulls left and chucks up a 3 pointer at least five feet behind the arc, leaving her defender diving in an attempt to block. However, she comes up short, leaving Anastasia to watch in both awe and despair as it rattles in. The whistle blows faster than ever before, leaving some of the girls on the court and even some of the coaches jaw dropped.
She just ended a play in seconds without the ball ever entering anyone else’s hands.
Later that night, Anastasia found herself FaceTiming her parents, telling them about what she had seen earlier today. I mean, it was unforgettable.
In all honesty, it made her a little scared. These girls were all so good. She was starting to feel like maybe she was in over her head. That maybe making the team was just an unachievable and unrealistic dream.
“Honey, if you didn’t deserve to be there, you wouldn’t be.” Her dad comforts, the empathetic smile evident on his face.
He was always so understanding, so supportive. A far different approach from her mother, who always manages to crash the moment.
“You can’t just always live in fear.” Her mom routinely chirps up. Right on time. She always has something to counter what her father says. "Comparison kills." Her mother adds on.
“I don’t—" Anastasia begins, but sighs. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, she knew her mom was right. She wasn't going to admit it out loud though. "It’s not living in fear or comparison to acknowledge the fact that some of these girls are better than me."
“And who says they’re better?” Her mom asks.
Anastasia chews on the inside of her cheek, staying silent. She has a point.
Her dad sighs before deciding to weigh in again. “You made it to next round with the rest of them meaning you’re just as good as they are, don’t forget that.”
Anastasia nods, her mind going back to the memory of what happened earlier. The way the girl’s eyes locked onto hers as she walked off the court, leaving Anastasia unsure if she was taunting her, or simply making sure she saw what she wanted her to see.
“Well, we love you Stas, You should get some rest." Her dad says.
“Yeah, I probably should. Love you guys too.” She says before hanging up.
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MAY 26TH, 2017
58. Out of the 133 girls here yesterday, 58 remain. More than half of them were cut, leaving Anastasia feeling a little better about being invited back for day two.
Caitlin. Caitlin Clark was her name. Anastasia had finally figured it out after hearing it what felt like a million times today.
They’d been playing 5x5 all morning long, having gone through at least hundreds of different group combinations. During their break, Coach had conjured up a list of 12 assigned groups, each having what she felt was the best fit for all position combinations together.
Paige was assigned the PG for group one, Caitlin for group two, Anastasia for group three, and so on and so forth. Given there were 58 of them, each team needing five players, they were just barely short.
“We’re two short.” Coach informs everyone. “Groups 11 and 12 both need a shooting guard, any volunteers want to make this decision easy on your poor coach here?”
At first, no one says anything, everyone looking around at one another. The bystander effect was in full action.
“Don’t all jump at the opportunity at once.” Coach mumbles jokingly.
Anastasia studies both groups left, wondering if she should do it. Her mom’s words began echoing around her head. You can’t just always live in fear.
“I’ll do it.” Caitlin volunteers. Everyone now looks at Caitlin, some whispering picking up around the room.
“Shooting guard.” Coach reiterates. Caitlin shrugs, her face stoic as if she doesn’t care one bit about the minor difference in position. “Well alright.” Coach says, impressed.
“I’ll do it too.” Paige and Anastasia say at the same time. Anastasia looks over at her before stepping forward further. “I’ll do it.” She says again.
Paige throws her hands up concedingly. “Ight, you got it.”
Coach claps, satisfied at the resolved issue. “Perfect. Groups one and two are going first. Winners and losers bracket, you all should know the ropes.”
The groups dismantle, groups one and two staying on the court, the rest heading to the bleachers. Anastasia begins on her way after everyone else, before she notices footsteps following behind her.
“Why did you do that?” Caitlin asks.
“Why did I do what?” Anastasia asks continuing to walk towards the bleachers.
Caitlin grabs onto her arm, pulling her to face her. “Why did you volunteer?”
Anastasia looks down at Caitlin’s hand before snatching her arm away. “Someone had to.”
“Paige tried, you should’ve let her.”
“And why’s that?” Anastasia asks, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but just stay out of my way.” Caitlin threatens.
“Or what?” Anastasia asks without hesitation. Caitlin almost looks taken aback by the response. Almost. “Or what?” Anastasia repeats.
“Caitlin, come on!” Coach calls from the court.
Caitlin stares her down, before slowly turning away, lightly jogging back to the court.
What the fuck was her problem?
Anastasia finds a lone seat on the bleachers, making it her own personal mission to study every inch of Caitlin’s gameplay possible. More specifically, what she was best at, and what she was worst at.
It didn't take much time for Anastasia to pinpoint her fatal flaw. Defense. The girl couldn't play defense if her life depended on it. Actually, it wasn't that she couldn't, it was like she just didn't want to. She looked miserable whenever she didn't have the ball and it showed. Bingo.
Anastasia notes that to herself, while also making sure to study her shooting and passing patterns, which seems to be her strong suit. She will make sure she goes against Caitlin in the final match, whether it be in the winners bracket or the losers bracket. Hell, maybe even both.
Caitlin's group manages the win over Paige's group thanks to some lucky out of this world pass Caitlin managed to just barely get inside to her post player.
"Alright groups three and four next!" Coach yells out from the whiteboard while writing group one into the losers bracket and group two into the winners.
Anastasia stands up, walking her way down the bleachers. She comes into earshot of Caitlin and Paige's conversation as she walks by.
"Damn." Paige curses once they're off the court, Caitlin giving her a gentle pat to the shoulder.
"Better luck next time." Caitlin laughs. "I bet you'll kill 'em over in the losers bracket though."
Anastasia wonders what magic Paige is really working with to get into Caitlin's good graces.
Maybe Anastasia was the problem.
Anastasia meets up with her group, and they quickly go over a few potential game plans. She can still hear Caitlin and Paige's conversation continuing on behind her, their laughter and banter a little more distracting than she'd wish it to be.
Once her team decides that they've got down few good plays, they head towards the court.
"Hey, you!" Paige calls out. Anastasia contemplates turning around but doesn't, figuring there's no chance she was talking to her. "Number 120!" Paige yells out again, Anastasia freezing in her tracks. She double checks her jersey number before slowly turning around.
"You better win so you can avenge me." Paige smiles.
Caitlin shoves Paige halfheartedly, letting out a laugh. She doesn't say it very loud, but Anastasia is fairly good at reading lips, and she swears Caitlin says, "No chance."
"I got you." Anastasia yells back to Paige, Caitlin's smile immediately wiping off her face.
She was going to destroy Caitlin Clark.
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“HUMILITY, CAITLIN, IT’S SOMETHING YOU FOUND HARD TO LEARN EARLY ON IN YOUR LIFE. WHAT IMPORTANCE DOES IT HOLD NOW, AND LOOKING BACK, DO YOU WISH YOU HAD MORE OF IT THEN?”
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“I’ve always had humility.” Caitlin defends. “I was young, yeah. Naive, sure. A nuisance, possibly…but I was never not humble.”
“What about USA basketball, were you an asshole then?” The reporter asks.
Caitlin furrows her eyebrows, sitting up even straighter in her chair. “Asshole? What makes you ask that?”
“No reason at all, that’s just a very important staple to your story.” The reporter half lies. “Tell us about your experience there.”
“It was great.” Caitlin lies.
The reporter shakes her head, not satisfied with the answer. “The truth.”
Caitlin sighs. “It’s one of my most regretted experiences in my life, is that what you want to hear?”
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MAY 26TH, 2017
Caitlin Clark felt murderous. Anastasia’s team had won, moving them further in the bracket as well. She couldn’t believe Anastasia thinks she can beat her. It was all Caitlin could think about as she watches Anastasia sit at the bottom of the bleachers all alone.
Why wasn’t she attempting to connect with anyone around her?
Paige smacks Caitlin’s shoulder. “Yo, stop staring.”
“I’m not staring.” Caitlin lies. She turns around to face Paige, who was sitting awfully close to another player, Azzi. “Do you think she’s good?” Caitlin asks.
“Well she’s here, isn’t she?” Azzi answers sarcastically.
Caitlin rolls her eyes. “You know what I meant.”
“Come on, ask what you really wanna ask.” Paige says.
“What?” Caitlin asks.
“You wanna know if we think she’s better than you.” Paige laughs.
“No.” Caitlin scoffs. “I know she’s not better than me.”
“Geez, cocky much?” Azzi asks.
“Whatever.” Caitlin’s eyes find Anastasia again, who was now stretching her arms over her head. “Why do you think she’s not talking to anyone?”
“If you wanna talk to her just say that.” Paige teases, kneeing Caitlin in the back. “Want me to call her over?”
“No—”
“What’s her name?” Paige asks Azzi, ignoring Caitlin’s pleads.
“Stop don’t—” Caitlin interjects, just to be ignored again.
Azzi smirks before cupping her hands over her mouth. “Anastasia!”
Anastasia turns around and Caitlin glares at Azzi. “Why the fuck would you do that?” Caitlin asks.
Azzi waves her over and Anastasia stands, slowly making her way over. “Because now you can talk to her!” Azzi smiles.
“I hate you.” Caitlin mutters.
“I hate you more.” Azzi replies.
“Yes?” Anastasia questions slowly once she finally reaches the three of them, a confused looks on her face.
“Sit with us!” Azzi pats the spot in front of her with her foot.
Anastasia looks at the spot, then looks at Caitlin who’s in the spot right next to it. Caitlin avoids her gaze, looking back at the court.
“Okay, I guess.” Anastasia agrees, brushing past Caitlin.
“Where you from?” Paige asks, sitting up to start the conversation.
“Michigan.”
“Oh shit no way!” Paige gawks. “Michigan is sick.”
“Have you ever even been to Michigan?” Azzi laughs.
“Man!” Paige sucks her teeth. “Now you know I live right next door to Michigan, of course I’ve been!”
“What about you guys?” Anastasia asks.
“Virginia.” Azzi answers.
“Minnesota.” Paige says with a fake midwestern accent.
Anastasia nods, letting out a small laugh. “Cool.” She glances over at Caitlin, who once again pretends she doesn’t notice. “What about you?”
“Iowa.” Caitlin deadpans.
“Iowa…that’s a first.” Anastasia says, getting a laugh out of Paige and Azzi.
“Yeah, I’m one of a kind.” Caitlin says.
“Cocky.” Azzi mutters under her breath.
“Corny.” Paige whispers at the same time. The whistle blows, and the four of them look back to the court simultaneously. “Damn group nine won?” Paige asks.
“That’s a shocker.” Azzi says.
“Not really.” Caitlin counters. “Great offense trumps anything.”
“Of course you think that.” Anastasia criticizes, standing to her feet.
“Damn Caitlin, you gon take that?” Paige instigates, receiving a smack to the shoulder from Azzi.
“Stop trying to start shit!”
Caitlin stands to her feet, sizing up Anastasia. “Nah, I’m not gonna take that, I’m just gonna let my work on the court do the talking.”
“Famous last words.” Anastasia says, pushing past Caitlin. “You’ve never come across good D like this.”
“Yo pause!” Paige laughs, receiving another smack from Azzi.
“Stop being a freak!”
“If you think you’re taking both of your teams past quarterfinals, you’re delusional.” Caitlin says from behind Anastasia.
“Do you always speak before you think?” Anastasia asks continuing on her way down the bleachers.
“I speak and think at the same time, it’s called multitasking.”
“Right.” Anastasia laughs. Once she reaches the bottom of the bleachers she turns to face Caitlin, who was still coming down. She blocks her from exiting the last step, offering her a smile. “No matter what happens out there, I want you to remember that you’re a great player.”
“What is this, reverse psychology?” Caitlin laughs, attempting to get around Anastasia.
Anastasia steps infront of her again, keeping her position. “No, it’s good sportsmanship, ever heard of it?”
“Move.” Caitlin demands.
“Good luck out there.” Anastasia says, offering Caitlin a hand. Caitlin looks down at it before pushing past her, continuing onto the court. “Hey!” Anastasia shouts up to Paige who looks down. “This is for you.”
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‘THE ART OF WINNING’ MASTERLIST
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fakecrfan · 5 hours
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I know most people on here don't like to go to the gym because you're all gay nerds. I like to go to the gym. For the purpose of understanding this post please try to imagine that you, too, enjoy going to the gym so that you can empathize with my point here.
Anyway, so imagine you are going to the gym. You're pumped about the concept of getting some muscle on you. Plus, the gym has this "lift weights every day!" challenge with a feasible plan to slowly and safely increase the amount of weight you can lift by the end of the month. Cool!
So anyway you go there, and you're having a good time. But then you notice something. Some people are coming in with these guys in shirts that say LIFT FOR HIRE. You're curious, and you notice over time that some people are actually paying these guys to come in and do the lifting challenge for them.
"Huh," you say to your mega hot, muscled gym buddy. "That's so weird. What's in it for the people paying these guys?"
"Dunno," says your friend, mid bicep curl.
"Um, actually!" says the gym owner. "Some people are disabled, so the only way they can lift weights it to pay LIFT FOR HIRE, inc."
"But wait," you say. "They still aren't lifting the weights though? Paying someone else to lift for you doesn't mean you've lifted the weights."
The gym owner gasps. "How could you SAY that?"
"Because... it's true?" you say. "Uh, if you pay guys to lift your weights, that's probably really good for the guys you are paying. But it's not going to develop your ability to lift at all. Your muscles aren't going to grow, you're just going to lose money and get no results."
"That's ABLEIST," they say. "How DARE you! Some people are LITERALLY paralyzed, did you think of that?"
"Well, yeah, some people are, and that means definitionally they can't lift weights," you explain. "And paying someone else doesn't change that. Maybe if they wanted to like, move something in their house it would make total sense to hire these guys! But if you hire them to do your workout you get nothing, because the purpose of a workout is personal development. I'm not morally condemning people who do it, but it seems like a waste of money when this event is, again, about improving one's personal abilities."
"This is absolutely DISGUSTING, CLASSIST rhetoric!" the gym owner roars, and then turns to one of the LIFT FOR HIRE guys, "Pay no attention this disgusting person, dear sponsor, we support your business and we totally want you to keep funding our gym!"
"Sponsor?" says your hot muscled friend who was way too busy actually doing their workout and getting gains to engage in dumb discourse. "Oh, now it makes sense."
"Shut up, you don't understand our love!" says the gym owner, before sloppily making out with a LIFT FOR HIRE guy in front of you.
Anyway, that's what learning about the whole AI nanowrimo controversy was like for me.
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memoria-99 · 3 days
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I just realized the "Would you date them in real life" poll for IkeVil already ended.
I'm surprised it ended with 519 votes! (When I did the one for IkePri it was 401 votes within the same length of time)
And the result was:
Harrison 17.5% Ellis 12.7% Victor 12.3% Ring 12.1% William 11.4% Liam 10% Jude 8.9% Elbert 5.4% Roger 5.2% Alfons 2.3% Darius 1.3% Nica 0.8%
So here's my answer to "Would you date them?"
William: Yes, cuz he's super rich and could spoil me. I honestly don't think I could have a proper romance with a riddle generator, but being spoiled by a rich guy is nice anyway.
Harrison: I'm not very sure... I think yes. True, he lies a lot, but he's smart, and though he pretends he's not he's actually a very caring person. I like that. And I like reading detective stories too, so I could be his good reading partner.
Liam: Yes. Of course. This kitty boy is so precious and devoted. I'm sure he would do everything he could for me and would never make me cry, except when he's in self-deprecation mode. I would cuddle him and try my best to give him a reason to live.
Elbert: Ummm. No. I know he's precious. But I just think he would break at any moment... Plus, he barely eats anything. I love eating. I don't wanna be looked like a weirdo everytime I enjoy my meal. I want someone to eat together. And I don't wanna be taxidermized. I know I'm objectively less beautiful than him but he has a weird sense of judging beauty so...
Alfons: I may have a terrible taste in men, and I know someone like him is not the best choice I could take, but yes. Dating him actually sounds interesting. He acts very vague so I might fail to make a fine romance with him, but I won't regret trying.
Roger: I almost forgot him again. And my answer is no. He would be a good friend. I don't think of him as more than that.
Jude: Sorry, no. And this is mainly due to a personal reason; I really really hate the smell of cigarettes. Other than that, I think he's fine... maybe. If I could get used to his language and sadistic side, that is.
Ellis: First my answer was no, cuz he might kill me. In second thought, however, it changed to yes. Except the killing part he's a very sweet and devoting guy. And all I have to say is I'm not at my happiest yet.
Victor: Yes or no. Half half. He's cheerful, good cook, overall a nice boyfriend material, but for some reason he looks more like a good older brother to me.
Darius: ... Yes. Maybe I really do have a terrible taste in men after all. He's the only guy here I was attracted to at very first sight. I would gladly play milk puzzle with him.
Nica: He's attractive, and looks interesting, but... no. In real life I won't know if I'm just being one of his toys. And I don't want that.
Ring: Well, yes or no. He's a very good boy. A little too good perhaps. He's just too innocent and baby so I would even feel guilty for dating him. I think I'd prefer to keep him as a younger brother.
...
So it seems I would date most of them.
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stormblessed95 · 3 days
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Hi, I really like your blog and found no better place to rant.
Before I start, I hope to clarify a couple of points to set a clear context:
1. I'm a baby army.
2. I'm an Asian.
3. I am straight. (Don't get me wrong, my personal belief is that love has no gender)
I ran into Taekook videos when I first discovered BTS with zero to no idea about shipping culture. The fact that TKrs claimed their relationship to be real seemed ridiculous to me. I genuinely thought that people were forcing their weird fantasies on two men who have a good friendship. So I moved away from TKr or 'shipper' content and started to watch BTS as a whole with absolutely no idea that parallel ships had a fandom. That's when I came across GCF in Saipan. That freaking video!!!! There was no way I could turn away from looking at JK and JM differently. The song, the editing and just how ethereal JM looked or smiled irrespective of his weird antics and spontaneous shots seemed pure, full of trust and openness. That's how I discovered Jikook and it has been 2 months now.
This also brought me to another discovery, Heterosexism. I work at a corporate company and had a casual discussion with my colleagues regarding an awareness training about eliminating bias and I was surprised at the reaction for a topic surrounding homosexuals. The media here romanticises that homosexuality is accepted, with a few articles on recent homosexual relationships and weddings. But on a deeper scale, the citizens are still homophobic. I was told off for showing support to the pride community, to the extent where I was asked if I was a homosexual.
Finally getting to my question, I have noticed that a lot of jikook supporters are homosexuals. What about people who are not part of the pride community? Is there a good number of people who are straight but not homophobic? Is there a safe space for us to show our support without being judged for it?
True Allyship is appreciated at most pride events and with most queer people. If you are talking about within the Jikook spaces, I do think a large portion of Jikookers are queer is some sense, but a lot of them are straight too. And as long as you aren't talking over queer voices or making a queer safe space no longer safe, I think it's fine for you to be involved.
I'm pretty sure I've got a fairly large following of straight people here anyway too. But let's do another poll and see. These are always lower engagement than the amount of followers I actually have, but it gets a sample size at least. Lol polls are totally anonymous too, in case anyone was worried.
Last time I did this, there was confusion for my aro/ace friends. Y'all are the A in LGBTQIA+. You count as queer, my loves 💜
If you aren't an ally, you don't get an option and you can unfollow 😂
I've got my issues with fake support and Allyship from shippers, but that's a separate discussion and I do think that there are a lot of people who are true and good allies here.
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lieslab · 8 hours
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Are you with me?
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꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎
Pairing: Chan X gn reader
Summary: After struggling with being underweight, you binge out of desperation to gain weight and that's when your boyfriend finds you.
Genre: Comfort/hurt
Word Count: 1.6K
Trigger warning: Insecurities, implied underweight reader, mentions of weight, weight loss, binging, calorie counting, and a mention of nausea.
A/N: I believe that this is the final request I had. I'm so sorry for making you wait forever, life has been hard and this topic is a bit too real and relatable. Please know that your weight doesn't define you. Whether you are thirty pounds, three hundred, or three-thousand, you still deserve love and respect. You are allowed to love yourself no matter what you look like.
Society can be really fucking shitty and harsh. Don't let it tear you down. This is your life and maybe we do only get one. Eat the slice of cake on your birthday. Indulge in your favorite coffee. Weight can fluctuate and be lost or gained, but good memories last a life time. Don't let yourself miss out on experiencing them because you think your weight and the way you look is holding you back. It's easier said than done, but it's entirely possible <3
_ _ _
The brain is a chamber and each thought is a bullet. A complex system full of neural pathways that define who you are. The brain controls your entire being. Your personality, your motor skills, the cognitive ability to retain information, and pull it out later. 
Beneath the skin, we’re all just bones. Chipped and withered skeletons that will one day disintegrate into nothingness. They say life is a blessing. We should cherish it to the best of our ability. We only get one life, supposedly. If that’s true, then why is it so hard? 
Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Thick and thin. Taut skin stretched over hollowed cheekbones. Round cheeks full of facial fat. Sharpened and softened jawlines. No matter what yours looks like, you only get one. 
A random genetic lottery thanks to your parents. You might hate yourself or you might love yourself. No matter which one wins, there always seems to be hiccups. Those times of turmoil where you just can’t seem to go on another day because you are trapped inside your body. The machine that causes you to breathe, it feels like a burden to some. 
You cannot control how the outside world perceives you. You cannot make everyone like yourself. Chasing idolization and devotion is a great bomb of self-destruction. Feelings can be fatal and if you’re not careful, they will be. Drowning in insecurities and letting them weigh you down while the days pass you by isn’t a good way to live. 
Yet…you just couldn’t help it. The way you looked was just overwhelming. You were a mess. Physically, nobody could see it. Mentally, you were overwhelmed and falling apart. Unraveling at the seams and spiraling out of control. 
The whispers of your insecurities had turned into a sympathy of screams. Scorching hot tears streamed down your cheeks in the kitchen. Your weight has always been an issue. People don’t second guess the things they say at times. 
“Gosh, you’re so skinny, you need to put some meat on your bones.” 
“Is that really all you’re going to eat?” 
“One blow from the wind and you’re going to fall over at this rate.” 
Some people are blessed with rapid metabolisms and some are cursed. No matter how much you consume, your body works it off. Over and over and over and over and over. Just when you think you’ve gained a pound, the scale says you’re down another half of a pound. 
What does your boyfriend think about it? He always says you look wonderful, but does he really mean it? What if he’s lying? Members of your family have stated that you look like you’re on your deathbed. 
What if you’re not good enough? What if this body isn’t great? What if nothing changes? What if you’re cursed to be this weight forever? What if? What if? What if? 
It was a spur of the moment decision. Ever since you lost another two pounds within the last week, something inside of you seemed to snap. That’s when you found yourself tearing through kitchen cabinets. 
Thoughts were swirling as you ripped open the package of oreo cookies you bought. It was one and then it was two and you blinked and half the row was gone. Crumbs caked your lips and all you could do was wipe them along your sweater sleeve. 
As much as you were spiraling, you were desperate to gain control. Surely, if you ate enough, you could put on a pound or two, right? Right? You had to. 
Crinkling filled the air as you opened a bag of brand new chips. The kind that were too salty and you knew they weren’t healthy, but you did it anyway. Life felt better with the occasional unhealthy snack. People weren’t perfect and neither were you. 
Staring at the back of the calorie contents, you lost track of how many chips you placed in your mouth. People didn’t seem to binge on the fruits and vegetables. 
It was the sugary sweetened foods that stuck to your sides. The salty chips and pretzels. The kind of food that was full of empty calories, but you didn’t care. You were desperate to gain a pound. 
People don’t understand what it’s like until they’re there. You will never understand what it’s like to be skin and bones until it’s all that you are. You will never understand what it’s like to carry around a pudgy stomach that bounces with every step until you are there. 
Weight fluctuates and bodies are different. We only get one, but it’s so easy to abuse it. To never eat enough. To over consume and eat too much. You didn’t think you were doing anything wrong with your body. 
You ate your food and that was that. It wasn’t a ton of food, but it wasn’t like you were starving yourself either. Yet, at the exact same time, your body seemed to stay thin. 
The more you spiraled, the more you lost track. You didn’t remember what you put in your mouth. Everything tasted like defeat, even the oreos. 
It kept going and going. Your stomach began to ache with the amount of food you consumed, but you couldn’t stop. It was overwhelming and all too much. Everything hurt and you just wanted to break down and sob. 
When you caught the reflection of yourself in the microwave, that’s exactly what you did. The lump in your throat pulsed and the tears welled up again. The box of crackers in your hand dropped to the floor and you grabbed the counter top for support. 
Your body caved and slumped over the cold marble top. With a forehead pressed into the marble, you cried. You cried because it wasn’t fair. You cried because you hated what you were doing to your body. You cried because you were worried about how you were perceived. You cried because everything was overwhelming and too much. You hated yourself and it hurt like hell. 
Piercing sobs racked the empty kitchen and bounced off the walls. They reverberated back to you and you were left alone with the heart-shattering reality of what you were doing. You ate so much, you were nauseous. 
Your stomach twisted and churned. A fresh layer of saliva coated your tongue. The queasy feeling caused you to squeeze your eyes shut. All you could do was just cry harder. 
Your sobs were the first thing that Chan heard when he unlocked and pushed the door open. Fear struck his heart and he ripped off his bag. Not caring that his laptop was in it, it dropped to the ground with a heavy thud. 
He rushed into the kitchen and found you slung over the counter. “Baby? Baby?” His hand went to your back and he tugged you into his arms. 
The warmth of his chest made you cry harder. You hated that this was who you were. Why couldn’t you have another body? Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t it just be different? 
“What’s wrong?” His eyes scanned your face. “Why are you crying? What’s going on? Are you hurt?” His hands gently cupped your cheeks. He positioned your face up towards him. “Please talk to me.” 
“I-I hate myself,” you uttered hoarsely with a hiccup. “I’m not good enough. I can’t gain weight and I’m a walking skeleton and I-” 
His eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “Sweetheart, what are you talking about?”  A reassuring thumb ran over your cheek. 
“My body isn’t good enough. Not for you. Not for me. Not for anyone.” 
Knowing that you thought so negatively of yourself, it stung. It shoved an arrow through his heart and he shook his head. “Listen to me, you’re perfect the way you are. Just because y-” 
“You don’t get it!” You snapped angrily. Your hands shoved at his shoulders and he stumbled back in shock. “You don’t get it because you’re perfect! You can gain weight and you can lose weight. You can do whatever you want and I-” Your voice cracked and cut off. 
He didn’t utter a word. He knew you were struggling, so he just opened his arms. With a quivering bottom lip, you let yourself fall forward. Sturdy arms grabbed you and he pressed your head against his chest. 
The steady lull of his heart made you burst into tears. A weak and hoarse apology fell from your lips. All he could do was quietly shush you as he rubbed your back. 
“I know that it’s hard. I know what it’s like to struggle with your self image. Maybe I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m right here and I love you. Please don’t push me away just because you’re struggling. I might not understand, but we can figure it out together. I’m not going anywhere and you know that.” 
That last reassurance was the final straw. Your knees buckled and your fingers dug into his cotton shirt. Down the both of you went and you landed on his lap. 
He pressed you against him as tight as he dared. With your eyes shut and your forehead pressed into the nape of his neck. He soothed you softly while rubbing your back. 
Even if he didn’t understand exactly, he’d wait here for as long as he had to. He’d be here until the kitchen was pulled into darkness and the sun went down outside. He didn’t care if he had to be here all night. 
He’d do whatever it took to remind you that no matter how you saw yourself, you weren’t entirely alone.
| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |
Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45
Masterlist
Taglist and inbox rules
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vickyvicarious · 1 day
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"One of those big bats that they call vampires had got at her in the night, and what with his gorge and the vein left open, there wasn't enough blood in her to let her stand up, and I had to put a bullet through her as she lay."
holy foreshadowing batman
Yeahhh. Well. Sort of. Foreshadowing that is only partially fulfilled, I guess? If we're thinking for what happens to Lucy, well, it's not him and it's not a bullet, but the gist is sort of the same. If we're thinking about Quincey, well...
You know, when you look for it, Quincey Morris builds up a fair bit of foreshadowing for his eventual role as a vampire slayer. Specifically, foreshadowing hinting at him shooting a vampire dead for their own good, because they are his friend.
Some big moments for this:
His vow to Lucy: "Little girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that's rarer than a lover; it's more unselfish anyhow."
His prior experience mercy-killing his horse after a vampire (bat) all but killed her.
Shooting at bats when staying with Arthur.
His promise to Mina, echoing his words to Lucy: "Little girl, you will never regret that true-hearted kindness, so long as ever you live!"
Van Helsing saying that "a sacred bullet fired into the coffin kill him so that he be true dead;"
Shooting at Dracula in bat form. Specifically, he's shooting into the room in a way that could be dangerous to the people inside, and makes Mina shriek.
And all of this is of course building up to the moment when he is the first to answer Mina's request that she be killed should she be too far gone. A moment in which their friendship is especially emphasised:
"I'm only a rough fellow, who hasn't, perhaps, lived as a man should to win such a distinction, but I swear to you by all that I hold sacred and dear that, should the time ever come, I shall not flinch from the duty that you have set us. And I promise you, too, that I shall make all certain, for if I am only doubtful I shall take it that the time has come!" "My true friend!" was all she could say amid her fast-falling tears, as, bending over, she kissed his hand.
There's a few repeating links here. Quincey's friendship is unselfish, and thus he is willing to set aside his own feelings for the sake of doing what his friends need. He steps aside for Lucy and Arthur. He hesitates to go where he's not wanted. Mina offering him comfort and recognition of her own is what touches him enough to promise his friendship to her; initially he was just glad that she helped Arthur feel better, as he felt Arthur's grief (who was engaged to Lucy) was more important.
Quincey takes action, and of the crew, he's the one associated primarily with guns. He shot his horse. He shot at bats. He shot at the bat (Dracula himself). All of these were vampire-related uses of a gun, and the last came close to aiming at his friends. So, if anyone is to use a 'sacred bullet' to kill a vampire, he's the first one to come to mind. And if the vampire is his friend...
There is one person who is perhaps going to be too far gone. One person who is his friend and is asking for people to make a hard choice and take action for her own good. The person who his bullet at the bat made shriek (which, if things did pan out this way, would probably feel like foreshadowing to the way we see vampires screech/scream when they're killed in their coffin).
Mina.
There's a reason Quincey understood what she was asking for first, and a reason he was the first to make the promise. In a way, his whole role in the story seems to be suggesting he would always end up here. He would be the one to do the deed this time. Before, he didn't know in time, and then Arthur had the greater right to take action. But in this case, Jonathan wasn't willing, and Quincey was directly asked. When a friend asks him for something, he's there. He makes it happen. He will kill Mina, no matter how much it hurts him. Because his friendship is unselfish, and it's better for her, and she has asked him to.
....Except then it never happens.
Instead, Quincey makes a different sacrifice for her sake. He still kills a vampire. But not a friend, not in a coffin, not with a gun. Someone dies for the sake of his friendship with them... but it's him dying for Mina, rather than him mercy-killing her. He's still unselfish in his friendship. He still sees things through no matter the risk. Despite being rejected, he considered it worth it because he became Lucy's friend. Despite dying, he considered it worth it because his friend Mina got to live.
A lot of the foreshadowing for his role still works, but just not in quite the way it might have seemed to be building towards for a while. And of course several of these can point to him killing Dracula, not Mina. Not to mention his vow with Jonathan on that topic, which is pretty directly fulfilled. But I just find it kind of fun that, in keeping with the uncertainty about what Mina's fate will be, Quincey could be seen as having foreshadowing for either eventuality.
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timeisacephalopod · 10 months
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The type of Christian who asks atheists how they don't like, murder people on the reg are so funny to me because they seem to think their religion makes them the Peak of Morality when statements like "if you don't believe in God how comes you don't do X thing" all but outright state they have no idea why shit like murder and rape is bad except that God doesn't like it lmao. Like way to admit you have no intrinsic sense of morality and need to be afraid of a higher power to be a decent person, but I promise if you're not a piece of shit it's actually very natural not to want to do heinous evil shit all the time potential punishment from a higher power or not 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
#winters ramblings#seriously its SO funny when that happens because every time its like ??? the FUCK kind of thoughts do you have#to ask HOW i resist doing evil shit all the time because i dont fear god because i dont believe in God??#what kind of fucked up person do you haveto be to only resist killing people because of fear of a higher power??#these are people to avoid because typically they also come with the issue of using their religion to make any action they want#perfectly Good and Moral because GOD said it its in the BIBLE whether thats true or not and like bible or no#if you have no intrinsic sense of morality i dont want to hear about atheist morality from you lmao#not that athiests lack issues i swear to god white dudes who evangelize atheism like its their new religion#have WILDLY missed the point and often suffer the same problem as the aforementioned Christians#wherein the onky thing thats ever given them any kind of pushback is the church so they decide RELIGION is horrible and bad as a whole#which isnt true religion can be a perfectly lovely amazing thing for people but that brand of atheist#doesnt seem to understand that people turned away from the church because of wide spread abuse and discrimination not because#believing in god makes you literally mentally ill like some of these fuckos act like. abelist AND shite to religious folks in one fowl swoop#so you know atheists have problems too but like they arent making laws in their beliefs images across the world so you know#temper the criticism with how influential the group actually is although richard dawkins types DID get a lot of space to spew their idiocy#like dawkims if you think youre SOOOO much smarter than christians how come you have ALL the same misogyny problems??#youre not that smart and logical if youve decided a whole kind of person is inherently less than you buddy. in fact thats very Christian#of him actually. funny when that happens but again if you dont actually know WHY something is a problem#its very easy to say Thats Bad and then literally do the exact same thing you just condemned because when YOU do it its no longer bad#because its got YOUR flavor of fucked up morality on it now instead of being like hmm maybe Christianity isnt a problem#because it EXISTS but because a lot of people use their religion as a pointed barb to discriminate against huge swaths of people#and often the intolerance becomes a legal issue when Christians and other religious majorities shove through laws based on EXCLUSIVELY their#religions and opinions and that doesnt mean religion should be dismantled it means we ahould tell religious folk who would know what#morality was if it fucked them up the ass to shut up and figure out what morality is outside of rekigion before they start legislating about#it and whatnot. also i wish extreme opinions werent ALL the news focused on exclusively on the political right#can we platform some NORMAL well adjusted christians who are god loving AND not a bunch of wingnuts#who are two steps away from arguing thou shall not kill only applies to people they LIKE because they dont seem to understand#maybe murder is bad when EVERYONE does it not just The Bad People??!?!
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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months
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i am once again thinking about The Boy
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not the movie lol
#give it up for day 13#how has it just been 13 days since my first time seeing him in so long#🙈💕 i like how i haven't had A Crush in a sec and the last person it was on was him lol.#there's a lot of little stuff that's changed since then abt myself and between us ig but good lord i have never been more attracted to him#than i am now 😵‍💫😵‍💫 seeing him in sweats and a sleeveless turtleneck that first day has just had him in my head every day since#like HELP he's hot 😭 but then like... so am i omg (⁠。⁠ノ⁠ω⁠\⁠。⁠) actually cleaning my place finally so i can have him over lol#i know I'm hot but at the same time i forget ykwim.. until i look in a mirror or see a picture and I'm like oh right i exist.#anyways ms ma'am is getting better at talking to her friends abt these kinds of things ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ ♡⁠#i say that there's nothing I'd do for a lover that i wouldn't do for a friend and that i just love ppl fundamentally#and i know this is my true self‚ but I'm somewhat new to living that in practice and on purpose.#I'm a little clumsy i think but no one's seemed to mind 🙈💕 i am happy that I'm learning and i am happy to deepen my friendship#and i look forward to how much easier this will be to navigate a yr from now ^.^ I've been polyamorous for a year and a half ig#and i feel like I've found my comfort zone yk? :3 ♡⁠ what being polyamorous Means To Me#it's good to be here.. i look forward to the friends i will make after i move and i wish i was more forward w the boy sooner omg#but it's okay. he won't be Too far away it's just a bit of a trip. i wanna have him over a couple times before i leave tho and hopefully#many more at the next place ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ but i will visit him too hehe his family's rly nice
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spinninglightning · 6 months
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whenever i read fics i always end up thinkin of a song for the fic or like, th chapter and then i canr stop associating the fic w/ those songs
#i listen to sm fckn music tht all the songs end up bein wildly diff too#ong i cld make playlists for multi ch fics#*stares at electric rebels*#actually u know what#i will#here r some songs:#our song by matchbox twenty is (early ch) electric rebels treemina coded#butterfly by bts (song is abt the fear of losing a person and in electric rebels this is very much true#everyone has the fear of not only losing their lives but losing their family(+found) as well#time is very much sacred n stuff like that)#humming by turnover (thr lyrics “with you ill make it out alive” sold me on this one)#viva la vida by coldplay specifically for the capital students because of how disillusioned theyve become due to the games#and forming relationships w/ their tribute#really good examples are vipsania and hilarius#rhythm of love by plain white t's makes me think of all the good moments treech n lamina have had despite their circumstances#(its also just a them song in general)#young volcanoes by fall out boy for the tributes!!! it seems light a more lighthearted victory song almost?#a “we will persevere” thing but more full of complete happiness#think abt the scene of teslee mizzen n treech running down the hill in jubilation (obvs before shit went down)#would that i by hozier just makes me think of when treech first met lamina up in the tree#which witch by florence + the machine is definitely for vipsania just before & after the bombing (aspen too but to a lesser degree almost)#“whos a heretic now” “im miles away hes on my mind” yeahhhh#love grows (where my rosemary goes) by edison lighthouse is jst a rlly good treemina song#rousseau by nerina pallot is a good fpr one of the main questions in the fic “are we really born free?”#(no. theyre not they have to work for that freedom. rousseaus main theory specifically the idea of it works really well for this fic#and the hunger games in general)#the promise by when in rome seems to work especially for treech and how he interacts with the others#he always seems to make promises - that theyll live - that he wont leave - that hell take care of the living for the deceased#this ended up sm longer than intended i reached the TAG LIMIT#basil.txt
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katyspersonal · 5 months
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I have only two possible emotional responses to feeling really safe and warm talking with a new person:
1) Withdrawing from them almost instantly and rarely responding, even if against my wish or control, because of reflexive fear of attachment since usually everyone I felt safe with blocked me out of blue and revealed that all along I was giving them """red flags""" I didn't even know existed
2) Somehow not falling for withdrawing reflexively, but in turn the value of everyone else I know that does NOT make me feel safe (so, 95% of the people) sinks in my perception and now I have to struggle against a very strong wish to abandon everyone except The Person. Why waste time on anyone less than this?
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libidinous-weeb · 8 months
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no, i think i get it now
through no fault of his own, gojo was so busy becoming “the strongest” that he didn’t realize he wasn’t there for geto when geto needed it the most.
when geto said “are you gojo satoru because you’re the strongest? or are you the strongest because you’re gojo satoru?” he was intentially trying to hurt gojo. the context and the subtext is important.
gojo was BORN to be the strongest, whether he wanted to be or not. some people are born with blue eyes, some with brown. and some people are born the strongest. that’s what gojo’s strength is like to himself. it’s a part of him, but it’s not who he is. when he was friends with geto, they were close despite that fact. it’s one of the first times someone stood side by side with gojo and didn’t really care if he was the strongest or not.
throughout his life, everyone else hates gojo for something he didn’t ask for. something that he can’t change or give up but something that he was born as. they all stare at him like some kind of circus freak, either in disgust, or in awe.
and geto just says “it’s because you’re too strong.” but they BOTH know that’s a lie. what geto is actually saying is “i’ve decided that you aren’t gojo satoru, the person i’ve loved and lost and fought with side by side anymore. i’ve decided i don’t want you in my life anymore. i’m saying the words that hurt you the most, because i hate you.”
and gojo is angry because his best friend, someone he loves, has just decided to have nothing to do with gojo anymore. it was like a sudden break up because he didn’t give a reason. he gave his reason for leaving jujutsu society but not why he didn’t tell gojo any of it.
tldr: gojo is asking “why didn’t you rely on me? aren’t we friends? why did you choose to go through this all on your own? why didn’t you tell me anything? i thought we were friends!”
and geto is saying “i hate you, just like everyone else. you’re the strongest. you’re not my friend. you’re barely even human. you wouldn’t understand.”
and geto’s saying that because gojo was practicing and training and getting stronger and wasn’t there when geto needed him to be there. and it wasn’t gojo’s fault, he was doing what he was supposed to be doing. gojo wanted to be there but geto chose to shut him out
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batemanofficial · 18 days
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#i can't live like this anymore.#no matter what happens it's always my fault. it can never be anyone else's. and when i try to contest that i get treated like a rabid dog#so youre saying the only role im fit for is 'alcoholic shut in?' is that what you're implying? because that's what it seems like#i can't believe i ever fooled myself into thinking anything would change as long as im here.#no matter how much medication i take this town will always make me fantasize about making myself suffer.#it's a black hole. it's a well of misery. no light escapes and it taints everything inside. i can't have anything good here#i know there's something wrong with me. i get it. but it's like being here makes it worse#im a bad person. i don't want to be a good person. it doesn't feel bad. it just feels warm.#but i can take that and put it in a box when im not here. but its like this place IS the box and when im here it just festers#and because of that i can't ever be taken seriously when i have a problem. im always too emotional and too angry and too sensitive#and even if I wasn't any of those things they wouldn't take me seriously anyway.#it's one thing to say your kitchen doesn't have a problem with women and it's another thing entirely to stay true to that.#if a ticket is too slow it's my fault. if the temp on a steak is wrong it's my (female) coworker's fault. if something's not organized#it's one of the girls that left it that way. always.#but whenever the guys have problems it's 'just how it is' but when uts any of us it warrants a talking to every time#if i were normal it wouldn't bother me this much but im not and it does. and no amount of reasoning will ever change a man's mind#this was good while it lasted but i need to leave. my life depends on it. i can't survive here.
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zarovich · 1 month
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does one ever truly stop being suicidal or do you just get better at ignoring it. i dont know
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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic 
#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks#or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow#him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their#entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho#w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode#It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just#like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked#away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write#the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol#you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what#has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for#the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba#too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool#Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions#of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous#ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long#and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good#enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one#special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person#or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first#sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol#Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes#lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi#re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY  setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype#then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever#or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring
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seariii · 7 months
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I tend to forget that people understand and that not talking daily is a normal thing...
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