#like alex and ivan r the cutest thing ever omg

[iiikaruz]

It’d be like- totally cool and awesome if you could share more ivan headcanons if you have any :]

i hope ur ready for the most random, unorganized hcs on the planet bc WHOO BOY DO I HAVE SOME STUFF TO SAY ABOUT THIS CRINGEFAIL INCEL!!

- tried learning how to do jumpstyle and is actually pretty decent at it, despite his skinny-ass toopthpick legs. also he literally can’t dance in any other way. like, he sucks at anything besides that.

- however, learning that forever ruined his music taste, since he now listens to breakcore and slavic dnb: just the most ear-rupturing, bass boosted music with anime samples

- he was definitely a Creepypasta & Invader Zim kid when he was younger. no questions asked. also he probably had unrestricted internet access as a child and fell upon gore & shock vids.

- furthermore on middle school ivan, he probably wore eyeliner and covered one of his eyes with his bang. he also never grew out of covering his eye with his bangs (i hate/adore his gay-ass bangs so much. maybe they’re the reason why he gets no bitches lmao)

- was raised learning russian by his foster parents and only started learning english when he was 6. (side note: i fucking love his accent it has me thrashing around on the floor)

- his hands are always sweaty but always cold at the same time?? bro is a physical anomaly and gets the worst of both worlds.

- absolutely sucks at eye contact, but not in the usual way. he ends up accidentally staring at people for way too long when they talk to him/when he’s talking. like, straight-up not blinking for a good minute.

- inherited schizophrenia from his clone father. he mostly just deals with paranoia and bouts of depression.

- is unbelievably touch-starved. to the point that if someone even touches his shoulder for more than a second, his brain just explodes and he immediately just crumples up like a piece of paper.

- swears a LOT in russian and in english (get you a man who can do both lol). his favorite insult is just “kill yourself” and other variations. it always works, definitely/s

- he thinks that any advance towards him is either someone making fun of him or that it’s just him reading into it too much it. he physically cant accept the idea of someone being into him.

- is chronically addicted to Monster Energy.

- greasiest hair ever. i just KNOW he probably washes his hair once a week.

- his favorite anime is Serial Experiment Lain (he’s absolutely a lain kinnie and you can pry this hc from my cold dead hands)

- has an incredibly shitty sleep schedule. like, 4 hours AT BEST. this is made from the combination of him having mild insomnia and him being online all the time.