#like alongside the 'sunflower / rainbow / three to the right thing.

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Harvest Moon, pt. 3

Steve Rogers x Reader, Summer AU

A/N: Every chapter will have a designated song to it, so please take a listen! Will be linked below. I don’t own any Marvel characters.

Summary: For five summers, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes and you had been a trio; spending the summer at a lake with your families. While Bucky tagged along, there had always been a special bond between Steve and you. Every summer the lake had been something to look forward to until you stopped going and life moved on. Now as adults, Steve and you return at the same time, for different reasons. Can you rekindle that friendship or was it just youthful summer magic?

Masterlist

Chapter Three: Don’t Worry Baby

It was a little after two in the afternoon as you strolled alongside the lake, smiling at the children playing and families getting settled in their respective cabins. Walking for a good fifteen minutes, you stopped at the tree line near your cabin and stared out toward the lake; the cabins interior might have changed, but the lake never grew a day older. If you closed your eyes, everything would come back to you; the laughing and running, the sun on your skin as it dried from swimming and the hunger pains that came shortly after. Except, you could really feel them because you indeed were hungry. Remembering there was a little diner in town, which was only a ten-minute walk from the office check in cabin, you decided to head over.

….

Steve was on the deck, grilling some burgers; the two men never wasted time when it came to food and immediately set up to cook ten minutes after settling into the cabin. Bucky was inside gathering the buns and condiments. It was starting to feel good to be away from the city and Steve was glad he came; waving at the cabin neighbors to the right – it was a small family of four and they all greeted him before setting off toward the lake. He watched the family until someone caught his eye; a woman lingering near the trees, two cabins down. She was just standing there and for a moment he had flashbacks of seeing you for the first time, which made him smile and go back to focusing on the burgers.

“The lady in check out said all the cabins are booked up, so it’s going to be pretty busy around here,” Bucky said, walking out with a handful of things. Steve nodded and flipped a few burgers, asking if he wanted to walk around the town later.

“I wonder if the ice cream shop is still there.”

“Probably,” Bucky answered, taking a seat at the deck table. “I don’t remember the town being so close.”

“Right?” Steve laughed and said it felt like the walk was longer as children. “Doesn’t seem like more than a ten-minute walk, remember it felt like forever when your mom sent us to the grocery store?”

“Well, you were a little puny stick back then,” Bucky pointed out with a laugh.

“Oh, fuck off, Buck.”

The two friends laughed, and Bucky reached over to the portable speaker he had brought to play music out on the deck – syncing it to his cell, he shuffled his Spotify likes and thanked Steve when he placed a burger on his plate. The Beach Boys came on and they settled down to eat, enjoying each other’s company as the lake came to life with splashing and joyous commotion.

…

You strolled out of the cabin with a smaller messenger bag laid across your chest, cell in hand as you walked toward the pavement trail that led to the main lodge building – a ten minute walk from there would get you to the grocery store in town. With a pair of shades on, you walked past the cabin next door and nearly ran into a little girl.

“Sorry,” she cried out, running back up the stairs to her cabin. You smiled as she snatched a towel off one of the deck chairs and flew back down the stairs, apologizing again. Waving to her, you watched as she raced toward, who you could only assume was her family. She looked to be about nine and her family looked happy, and that made you a bit sad. Your family had been that happy once, before things crumbled and while they remained civil after the divorce, your dad was never the same. Taking a breath, you continued to walk and saw that the cabin the Barnes use to stay in was occupied. A part of you expected to see Mr. Barnes grilling while Bucky and Steve watched contently, but instead as you drew closer you heard music and the laughs of two adults. Then you heard voices, two men talking and as you past quickly, wanting to mind your own business, one hollered at you.

“Good afternoon,” he shouted in a friendly tone and you quickly gave them a glance. You weren’t here to make friends, if anything you wanted to be a wallflower in everyone else’s happiness. So, you just waved and said hello back without making eye contact, keeping a steady pace until you were two cabins away.  Your stomach growled and you decided to have a heavy lunch at the diner before grocery shopping, something greasy and a milkshake from the ice cream shop if it was still open.

….

“She was cute.”

“You’re getting married, Buck,” Steve reminded him, and Bucky laughed, explaining that he was looking for him.

“When’s the last time you went out with a girl?”

“I’m not here to date, I’m here to get some work done,” Steve advised, and Bucky grinned, patting his friend on the shoulder. He understood that Steve was having a hard time being inspired and that the studio he worked out of was eager for something new to show, but he wanted his friend to relax and if getting laid was going to help, he wanted to make sure it happened. Steve knew Bucky meant well, so he grinned and admitted the woman who walked by was cute. “But she didn’t seem like she was up for meeting new friends.”

Bucky laughed and agreed. “Yeah, but there’s a bar in town, we’re old enough now. Wanna head over later?”

Steve shrugged. “Why not, but I want to see if that ice cream shop is still open.”

“Fuck yes, that place was so good.”

.....

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[thetickingmonolith]

Change Of Heart Part 1: Alone In The Universe

        I just sat there, with a world of my own making all around me. A world fashioned inside of my head, a world where I wasn’t anything special, I simply was just another character in a story. I sat there looking out across the lapping waves of an ocean, hundreds of years later. The cold hard concrete of the storm wall beneath me, the occasional splash of sea water against my feet, staining my canvas shoes with the occasion droplet.

        I sat there alone looking out into the night sky, the moon hanging low in the sky and The Tower stood in front of it, with shards all around it. Its broken vigil, destroyed and reshaped during a battle from long ago, yet still in my recent memories. It was so long ago yet seemed like only a week ago or so. I sat there alone, the last one alone in my little world, left alone in the universe. The obsidian sky with its tiny glints of starlight, I sat there, with tears coming to my eyes.

        I wasn’t quite sure if I was happy or sad, I wasn’t quite sure if the pain was good or bad, if kind of just was. I got to my feet and wiped the tears from my eyes. From deep within my core there came and echo, of a familiar voice. One of their voices, somewhere within my core there came the echo of what used to be myself, yet was not. From my core came the echo of the man I used to be, of the man I could have been, from my core came the voice of Magnus, echoing throughout my soul, changed and dispersed across a million thoughts. Gone yet still with me.

        I sat there and waited for a moment and his voice was lost within the expanse of my mind, no words reaching me, only the faint echo of an idea. I walked down along the length of the pier, my new shoes splashing in the puddles along the concrete. The world was in perfect view as clear as day, seen through a slightly distorted lens as the moons light drown the whole world in an unnatural light. I felt my mind become lost in a sea of thoughts, I couldn’t quite focus on any of them. Like a million sheets of paper my thoughts were scattered to the wind and I was sent scrambling down the length of the pier in case of them. My vision so obscured by them all as I attempted to gather them all up in vain. Like a storm of a literature the pages scattered everywhere and I couldn’t quite see what was going around me. In the midst of the madness of all of the pages blowing away in the brewing storms winds there was a figure lost among the sheets.

        I stopped where I was and looked down along the pier to try and decipher who it was, a little shorter than me with a head of white hair, I couldn’t quite say who it was. I quickly stepped forward to follow whoever it was and once more found myself lost in the sheets, my mind scattered and my thoughts lost to any single train of thought. I couldn’t quite see whoever it was anymore, the occasional glimpse of their figure among the sheets as I ran down the length of the pier. If it had been a stray emotion or something I could have put my finger on it and reigned it in, but I was set chasing it. A stupid fucking smile on my face, I enjoyed myself lost in the mess of thoughts, chasing a figure I couldn’t quite tell who.

        I came to the end of the pier and the mess of thoughts and paper cleared away, the figure nowhere to be seen. There was no sign of whoever it was. I sighed and laughed to myself, feeling like such an idiot jumping at shadows. I stood there for a moment, looking out across the sands of the beach, the campfire still burning with the cars all pulled up alongside it, nobody sat around the fire as they had in the past. I smiled thinking about all of the amazing times, shades of people fading in and out of existence in the distance.

        I sighed and smiled, alone in my little universe, I felt better, I felt so amazing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I found myself along the path leading up to the house, the gates lock hung open and the clockwork key sat in the wall beside it. I walked along the dirt path, flanked on either side by a sea of lavender, with a pond along the right side with white water lilies floating in it, and an assortment of other flowers cropping up all over the place. Sunflowers, rose bushes, tulips and a rainbow other flowers of all shapes and sizes scattered throughout the garden. I arrived at the heavy door, with a bush of black and white roses each on either side of the door. Their thorns covered in dried blood probably years old but yet looked a matter of hours or days old.

        I put my hand against the grey roses that wrapped their ways around the heavy wood of the door. Their black stems against the wood that was the same colour of my hair, the grey petals and silver outline of each of each of them. I ran my fingers along across each of the small details, the ever changing nature of this little world, the nature of this little house, the major details always were the same, the weight of the door, the dark brick of the walls, the smell of the whisky and the books. Yet the smaller things would change, the detail on the wood, the position of the flowers, the colours of the details and the petals. The runes that covered the bricks of the house, the colour of the flame in the fireplace, the garden that surrounded the house and its lay out. The look of the key that unlocked the front gate, the little things that all slotted together.

        I ran my fingers along the stems and petals till my I fastened my fingers around the handle of the door. There was a slight click and door slid open to a crack, peering into sitting room for a minute, Jack’s chair sat there across the table from mine. There was a figure sitting there, a flash of that white hair again, I couldn’t see who it was from where I was. I stood there, with my back to the door, the sound of the door shutting resounding through the whole house. The figure shifted in the chair, a glass balanced on the arm of the chair, a cigarette burning in the ashtray. Magnus never put his cigarette down, not once was it sat down in that ashtray, I shivered, this was someone new.

        I took two steps forward and the floors creaked, there came a giggle from the chair and they took the glass from the arm of the chair, a black shirt and open waist coat of a slightly different shade of black. That white hair, made my heart jump a little each time I saw it. I stepped forward and another creak of the floor boards, I had no idea why I was trying to sneak up on a representation of a part of my subconscious. I stood leaning up against the edge of the doorway, it creaked like every other board in the house. “Care to explain what you’re doing here?” No voice, just a raised hand directing toward my chair with their free hand, the clink of the ice against the glass as they took a drink. I didn’t move, I stood there for a few more seconds, trying to work out who exactly it was.

        The glass was put down onto the arm of the chair with that distinct sound of glass against wood. Them he spoke and it shocked me “What do you think I’m doing here?” I felt my heart skip a beat. He sat forward taking his cigarette, his hair now a colour close to that ‘Satan Fire Blue’. I made my way across the room, picking up my glass and pouring myself a drink, taking a mouthful of it.  I sat back in my chair, “you shouldn’t be here, it should be impossible for someone like you to manifest like this”. He shot me that look “Honey I’m full of surprises”. There was this moment, and I took another sip of my drink. He smiled over at me, that look in his eyes, the smile on his face, the way his hand rested beside his face, everything about him captured is this distorted lens of reality, yet so real to life as well.

        I sat forward “What are you doing here?” “You tell me” “I don’t understand” “As usual” “You’re here for some reason but I don’t quite understand why” “Who used to share this house with you? There were three chairs” “My boys, Jack and Magnus, you’re sitting in Jacks chair” “What was Jack’s nature like? What was he like” “He was a version of me that took what it was that he…wanted…and set it as the centre…of his…shit”. I put the glass down on the table and held my head in my hands “Mother Fucker, now why now?” “It isn’t a bad thing” “How?” “Look at how happy you were to see me, look at how happy you were to see me happy, look at what you’ve been writing and see that I’ve been bleeding into all of it.” “No fuck you, you’re just another manifestation, another twisted idea taking form. Fuck you.” He didn’t at all look amuse, I blinked and his hair turned a shade of brown a little darker than mine “Really? Then tell me what that idea is” I went to speak but found nothing, no part of him gave any kind of hint, like a brick wall, like looking at him in the flesh. “Yeah I thought so”.

        I ran my hand through my hair, not liking this turn of events “What even are you?” “I am one more piece of the puzzle, I am something else entirely, I am something you have never quite experienced before, I think that the other two might have allowed for me to appear like this”. “You sound like me” “I’m a generation of your subconscious if I didn’t at times it would be scary” “Fair point I suppose, but what are you doing here?” He took a mouthful of his drink and looked over at me raising an eyebrow “You can’t be serious”. “Deadly serious” “Nope Nope Nope, seriously No I am not doing this I am not going back down this path” “You’ve been doing this for months now and dealing with it fine, just because you’re aware of it it seems undoable.” “Ugh Fuck I am so fucking hopeless” “Yes but that isn’t the problem here now” I fell back into my chair and stared up at the ceiling and laughed  not quite sure what the hell I was feeling or thinking “You are here for a reason, like some kind of representation of some idea or the likes” He raised an eyebrow looking part confused and part intrigued.

        I stood from my chair and began to pace back and forth across the room, the crackle of the fire and heat licking against my legs as I walked across the fires path. “I reality the reasoning for you being here is not this literal representation of you, but what you are” I reached over and picked up my glass, taking a mouthful and washing it around in my mouth as I thought. “The actualisation of you being here and the change in the dynamic of the world changing its rules. Thusly you aren’t here, you are changing constantly, which means that you are not you but rather you are what you ARE…” I turned on me heel and looked back at him, his hair had turned a peroxide blonde colour, he looked at me like I’d just utterly lost my mind “Wait what?” I stopped pacing and blinked and his hair turned into an ever changing tie-dye rainbow of colours much like Jacks eyes were “You aren’t quite you, you are the representation of what you are, some aspect of what it is that you represent in my view of the universe, whatever it is that you ARE.” “You’re considering vegetarianism?” I looked at him for a minute and we both laughed “No not that, my morality is generally dealt with in other fashions. This is something different…You are totally aware of what this is aren’t you” He shot me that sly look “You’re an asshole” “What are you talking about I don’t anything about this” “Mhm sure…Come on spill” “Look I know as much as you do, I’m just the head space that you’re in at the minute, I don’t actually know anything, I am a body for you to talk back and forth to” “You’re too accurate for that, if I wanted that back and forth I’d go talk to someone in reality, you were built to fulfil a purpose. You’re…some kind of…puzzle…” He raised an eyebrow “Something you can’t quite put your finger on”.

        I felt like my jaw hit the floor “I was so wrong before…” I downed my drink and threw the glass out over my shoulder. “You know what you won’t leave, you’re here till I somehow work out whatever puzzle you are, so any requests for drinks to stock up on?” He shot me that smile of his, my dearest Azel.

[postcards-to-home]

Sunshine, Positivity & Rainbows

4/14/18

Shit, are they mad at me?

“I just.. didn’t feel like it tonight”

**Sighs*, Okay whatever, but you were the one who got everyone onto the idea

Ya.. I know. Just tired, . again.

“Okay.. well see ya later”

 9pm on a Saturday night and I’ve managed to do it again.I’ve master the skills it takes to round up the miscellaneous people that make up our “Drinking club.”Who doesn’t go out and drink on a Saturday night. That’s would be so un-American of us if we didn’t get tanked for the hell of it. Somehow I’ve manged tot ake a nap, at 7pm on a Saturday and it all went to shit after that. From known reasons  It’s the part of me that hates committing to an idea of which is “going out.” I think I’ve turned into an old lady considering who I used to be last year at this time. Just the thought of going out had me dressed and drinking by 7pm at my desk bumping tunes with my friends. Currently that part of me has dwindled fondly allowing the element of myself that appreciates relaxing to bloom into a full addiction. Fomo, the fear of missing out, is no longer a consideration on my mental pallet of thoughts. Indulging in my thoughts of the past, present and future in a circular manner  has enthralled me. There  has been no other time in my entire existence I have had the ability to chew away at my whole and tear it apart bit by bit in the most selfish way possible. Others thoughts, actions and feelings are no longer in my vision, persuading me in either direction. This is not to say I don’t ask my loved ones for advice or ask their opinion. I’ve just never felt so liberated in seeking my own truths, and understanding my own self worth. I’ve had many in the past say “ Know your worth,” and it’s a saying easy to shrug off. But now I truly understand the value within that whole-heartedly and it’s a beautiful thing.

Referencing the discussion that sprawled this pondering, my friends in deed were disappointed with my decision. It is that point in the semester where people’s feelings are coming out at the seams quite literally. Self control  has worn thin, attitudes have risen and it is not to be taken so personally .Stress and homesickness come out at the oddest times. There are things going on with people, their home lives trickling through the walls they’ve built up and its something they aren’t necessarily prepared to face. The end is near. I was watching Girls Incarcerated on Netflix which is a television show about teenage girls living in  a juvenile detention center in the Midwest. The show was fascinating to watch from an educational standpoint with a lot to say about living. What struck me the most was how the young girls acted before it was their release date. Screaming, throwing fits the whole nine yards of emotions across the spectrum. Wouldn’t they be excited? Well that would have been the obvious answer but for a lot of them home was an unknown, and it is in human nature to fear the unknown. Itook that message and directly related it back to how it is at  school now. Sure we aren’t in prison and things aren’t horrible we are all fairly happy but the end is quickly approaching. There is an ultimate fear of the unknown of how things a re going to be when we return to our lives in the states,. I know I can agree with that. Our lives are essentially on hold here , waiting to resume until we make our ways back one by one. There’s all this stress and anxiety and this build up of excitement, which sometimes translates to anger, or worry or even depression. It’s a hard pill to swallow for some of us as we have to face things we’ve been avoiding. What I hope from admitting this is that we can understand these attributes to some of declines the past few days and weeks and come together to celebrate the present Even just doing small things like taking a hike after class would make all the difference because like We’ve all heard before  “ You only live once so make it count.”

 4/14/18

“ I need an ambulance,” said Alexis as she began to beg and plead for her mother. She was sitting hard on the rocks  that straddled North Steyne beach along the ocean. She was cradling her right foot in her palm near tears, whimpering. We had been bare foot a quarter mile from our hot spot on the sand, with nothing but our bathing suits on and a camera in hand to take pictures. With the wind at a near 20 mph and 87-degree weather it was perfect photo shoot weather. I had a new swimsuit, Alexis had her camera shipped over when her parents came through and it was an all around good time just loving life. That was until she stepped on a barnacle and the whole world came spinning down around her. I won’t continue to embarrass her but after a few hours, assistance from strangers and life guards she finally waddled onto the beach only to immediately down a vodka cruiser. It was well deserved to say the least.Our day simmered down quickly.

The swim shoot was a MAJOR success, in case you were all wondering. Pictures soon to come in the future :)

4/15/18

Quietness has struck the castle grounds. Many on campus students have begun disembarking on journeys across country as finals are quickly approaching. The school bar has been shut down briefly until further notice due to underage drinking and a promiscuous student body. To push potential boredom out of hindsight we rose to the occasion and traveled to the Botanical Gardens in Sydney. Miranda, Alexis and I had a day for ourselves exploring the extensive flower gardens that were not only arrangements of flowers but rather mini museums so to speak. Huddled together by their groupings, there was a large collection of exotic plants, fern collections, Australia’s largest succulent plant wall and much more. Seeing the beauty of full bloomed wax begonias alongside the trifecta of geraniums reminded me so fondly of home. The smells flowers bring arises such calamity from within. Everywhere from the lavender bushels to the 7ft tall sunflowers stalks I felt welcomed and at ease under the sweet golden rays of sydney’s sunshine.

The three of us even pondered the museum Art Gallery of New South Wales, located right along side the gardens. A surprise find that we enjoyed delightfully so. The museum was filled with a mix of old and new from historical European oil paintings to contemporary and modern art. The curiosities that are evoked from such art is awe-inspiring. I thought very much of how Emily and Grace would favor the rainbow colored mirrored windows, the hum of the museum and pondering the bookstore openheartedly. Maybe one day, but for now ill have to keep my bits of inspiration to myself for now, my musings locked away with a forgotten key. Please take a fierce look at my new shoes. I’m not one to brag BUT they do have me feeling like a real life Barbie doll in action.