#like did aimeric know that the regent was abusing laurent or had abuse him

[x-xhiro]

I wonder if Aimeric had some jealousy of Laurent and how much did he know of Laurent's abuse they shared. Since the regent’s abuse of both Aimeric and Laurent had to overlap somewhat. The reason I think Aimeric had deluded himself with the regent’s lies and jealously is how he talks to Laurent near his end in PG. There was a weight of “he loves me, unlike you.” to what he said, before the shattering of delusion.

[pourcap]

thoughts: pg chapter 21

i can't believe this is the last chapter of book 2 already i don't want it to be over just yet :(

(...) He had knocked Damen’s hand off his shoulder when Damen had tried to stop him. i hate this. they're supposed to work together

(...) Charcy was a death trap. great!

'So you told him.' just like jord told laurent about aimeric having gone missing :) i mean, he's right of course about laurent needing to know who damen really is, but still.

'Just a man?’ said Jord. ‘You think Aimeric thought that? That there were two of him? Because there weren’t. There was only ever one, and look what happened to him.' ugh i hate that he's right. i love jord and i absolutely do not want him to leave laurent's service, but he fucked up, too.

'He was my uncle’s whore,’ said Laurent. do you ever just wanna shake him?

'A brother?’ said Laurent. ‘But I do not have terribly good luck with those. I hope you are not here for a mawkish display of sentiment. I will throw you out.' i feel so sad for laurent :( (i do find it interesting how he uses his own pain to hurt others though)

'Then you’ll kill them like you killed Nicaise,’ said Damen. ‘By dragging them into this endless, childish bid of yours for your uncle’s attention that you call a fight.' oh my god???? damen????

oh wow

damen is... not wrong

but like... the balls on this guy

i can't believe he said that to laurent wtf

'In a fight, you try to beat your opponent. You don’t scurry to do what he wants. This is about more than Charcy. You’ve never made a single move of your own against your uncle. You let him set the field. You let him make the rules. You play his games like you want to show him you can. Like you’re trying to impress him. Is that it?' WHAT THF UCK

ok to be honest though i never thought about it this way. damen is so smart. literally the best person laurent could ever wish to have around. who else would talk to him this way? i mean, it helps that damen was born the crown prince but wow. i am speechless actually

'(...) Are you that desperate for his attention?’ He let his eyes rake up and down Laurent’s form. ‘Well, you have it. Congratulations. You must have loved it that he was obsessed enough with you that he killed his own boy to get at you. You win.' OH. MY. GOD.

damen can be just as brutal as laurent seriously

i can't wrap my head around what i'm reading

(...) ‘You don’t know anything about me. Or my uncle. You’re so blind. You can’t see what’s—right in front of you.' (...) is laurent talking about his abuse?

'You’re nothing,’ said Laurent, ‘but a crawling disappointment who let a King’s bastard throw him in chains because he couldn’t keep his mistress happy in bed.' WHAT IS GOING ONNNN

you guys were happy and in love literally HOURS ago !!

'You want to hear the truth about my uncle? I’ll tell you,’ said Laurent, a new light in his eyes. ‘I’ll tell you what you couldn’t stop. What you were too blind to see. You were in chains while Kastor was cutting down your royal family. Kastor and my uncle.' ??????

what

("a new light in his eyes" man... laurent. was there therapy back then? i feel like everyone in capri needs it.)

'Did you think Theomedes died from natural sickness? All those visits from physicians that only made him sicker?' so, while we're at it: fuck the regent.

i want to give damen the biggest hug

'You didn’t guess it was Kastor? You poor dumb brute. Kastor killed the King, then took the city with my uncle’s troops. And all my uncle had to do was to sit back and watch it happen.' can they stop being assholes to each other PLEASE this is not the kind of thing they should be talking about like that :/

'(...) I just wish I could have seen it happen. I wish I could have seen Damianos when Kastor’s hire-swords came for him. I would have laughed in his face. (...) maybe if Theomedes had kept his cock in his wife instead of sticking it in his mistress—' again: OH MY GOD.

i would like to say that i am genuinely terrified of laurent finding out who damen really is :))))

That was the last thing he said, because Damen hit him. (...) okay not to condone this but to be fair, laurent really had it coming

Laurent pushed himself up and gave Damen a look glittering with triumph, even as he dragged the back of his right hand across his mouth, where his lips were smeared with blood. triumph?? what exactly did he gain from this? i get that laurent likes to needle people into giving him a reaction but damen, the only person who truly understands and looks out for him?? but i do get where he's coming from, obviously

nicaise's earring????? :((((( i am crying lol

'No,’ said Laurent. And then, ‘It was provoked.' at least he gets it

(but why are they fighting over damen's arrest? i am confused)

'No,’ he said. ‘You can’t go to Charcy. I need to convince you of that.' i love him. so much.

Laurent’s laugh was a strange, breathless sound. ‘Didn’t you hear anything that I just said to you?' great. now i just feel sad for him again. why does laurent keep making me feel all those things???

'Yes,’ said Damen. ‘You tried to hurt me, and you have. I wish you would see that what you have just done to me is what your uncle is doing to you.’ He saw Laurent receive that like a man at the very ends of his endurance being given another hit. ‘Why,’ said Laurent, ‘do you—do you always—’ He stopped himself. The rise and fall of his chest was shallow. i can't handle this!!! damen is so perceptive -- i really don't get why i keep seeing people say he's oblivious. i mean, he is, to things he doesn't understand, like deception. but this??? he understands people. he knew aimeric was going to be a problem within what felt like 3 seconds, appreciated jord's loyalty to laurent even when jord found out who damen is, etc. (also: laurent kind of admitting he was just trying to rile damen up and consequently push him away as a sort of defense mechanism makes me want to cry)

'I can’t.’ It was a raw admission. ‘I can’t think.’ The words were torn out of him. Wide-eyed in the silence, Laurent said them again in a different voice, his blue eyes dark with the exposure of the truth. ‘I can’t think.' i don't know what to say so i'll just let you know that i'm crying

(fuck the regent)

'Don’t go,’ said Laurent, quietly.' laurent just keeps on breaking my heart :')

(quick side note: i get why you're all so in love with him lol)

'No. I don’t mean—forever—just—’ Laurent broke off. ‘Three days.’ (...) I can’t seem to . . . think, and I can’t . . . trust anyone else to stand up to me when I’m . . . like this. (...)' he !!! trusts !!! damen !!! :(((((((((((( <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 (i mean, we knew that before, but wow. the character development. the difference in their relationship. i am just so blown away)

'Don’t,’ said Laurent. ‘Don’t lie to me. Not you.' NOT YOU

'(...) I just . . . I just liked him.’ Underneath the cold, analytical words, there was also something bewildered. :(((( god im still so sad about nicaise.

'He spoke up for me because he didn’t think my uncle would hurt him. None of them do. They think he loves them. (...)' hmm. reminds me of when laurent admitted he was surprised the first time the regent tried to kill him, that he never thought he'd actually go this far :/

'Like Aimeric,’ said Damen. Into the long silence that stretched out between them, Laurent said: ‘Like Aimeric.' god. you just know what laurent is really saying here is: 'like me'

ohh laurent saw the cuff

their mood changes give me whiplash

'To keep. I wouldn’t wear it,’ said Laurent, ‘though I don’t believe your imagination is having any difficulty with the idea.' lol yes call him out <3

what i really love about those two is that they BOTH just kept throwing accusations at each other, argued, got really personal, etc, but they understand each other so well by now to know why they said/did what they said/did and not hold it against each other :')

'Did you mean what you said? That you were glad.’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘They killed my family.' ok time to be sad again

Because throw Laurent together with Damianos, and either one would kill the other, or, if Damen kept his identity concealed and they somehow managed to form an alliance . . . (...) He thought about the Regent’s suggestions to him, sly, subtle. (...) And the constant, pervasive insinuation: Have you taken my nephew? i am going to throw up lol

fuck the regent

and kastor

so far, kastor is just as non-existent as auguste in the books and guess which big bro doesn't suck (ofc the shitty one has to be the one still alive)

'(...) It was you who never quite fit . . . You’ve always been outside of his schemes. For everything that my uncle and Kastor planned,’ said Laurent, as Damen felt himself grow cold, ‘they had no idea what they did when they gifted me with you.' oh my god i love this. can't wait for laurent to laugh in his uncle's face right before he kills him <3

damen is such a softie oh my god he's just fantasizing about everything being okay and him being able to court laurent i can't believe this (also it makes my heart ache)

If the Regent wanted Damianos of Akielos standing alongside his nephew, he would get him. (...) that's so hot. i love damen so muchhhhhhh

But what he said was, ‘Are you sure you want to leave your enemy in charge of your fort?’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent. They gazed at one another. because they aren't enemies anymoreeeee!!! <3

ok laurent is saying things in a way that makes me think he's got something up his sleeve. then again, when does he not?

nikandros???

oh my god

is it happening?

are we going to get damianos in book 3?

He was looking at Laurent’s signet ring. wait. what?

laurent wanted nikandros to come?

am i reading this correctly?

He said it as it opened up inside him, ‘They are our reinforcements.' THAT WAS AN ENTIRE BOOK AGO

what the fuck

i know laurent plans ahead (and has planned ahead) but oh my god

what is laurent's brain???? what are his genes????

(...) Damen and Damianos. And Jord was right. There had only ever been one of him. He said, ‘Open the gates.' i am so excited for this

on the other hand: i am scared. bc now there is no way laurent won't know who damen is, right? unless nikandros doesn't recognize damen which i don't think is possible. so, like. what's going to happen?? (*chuckles: i am in danger* meme)

(...) Had they always been like this? So stripped of everything but the utilitarian? So hungry for war? i LOVE the reflection. so much has changed for damen and i am so so so happy he's seeing the world with new (less arrogant) eyes

Because an Akielon man was dismounting from his horse, beneath the main standard, and Damen’s heart was pounding. (...) i am confused. damen is so happy to see nikandros and i know they were friends so... why did we learn literally nothing beyond his military status over the course of two books?? did damen just not allow himself to think too much of his life back home in akielos bc he'd miss it too much or...?

'The last time we spoke, the apricots were in season,’ said Damen, in Akielon. ‘We walked in the night garden, and you took my arm and gave me counsel, and I did not listen.' so, nikandros warned damen about kastor. imagine telling your best friend his life is in danger and him being too arrogant to take any of it seriously. and then your friend actually dying... (as far as you know)

He said, ‘Damianos.’ Before Damen could tell him to rise, he heard it again, echoed in another voice, and then another. It was passing over the gathered men in the courtyard, his name in tones of shock and of awe. The steward beside Nikandros was kneeling. And then four of the men in the front ranks. And then more, dozens of men, rank after rank of soldiers. oh my god

'He lives. The King’s son lives. Damianos.' AAAAAHHHHHH

can't wait for the third book lol

(a few pages without laurent at the end and i have already begun to miss him)

[jewishvitya]

Copying Captive Prince thoughts I put somewhere else, adding a few things people mentioned on top of what I said, because I want to spread the feels.

Trigger warning because I'm talking about Laurent's trauma. CSA.

Laurent obviously knows he's beautiful. But I wonder if he feels beautiful. I feel like, for him, the way he looks is another weapon and a tool. But the way he spoke to Aimeric, talking to a 19 years old boy like he's old and past the age to be considered beautiful, makes me think. He's obviously describing things the way his uncle would see them, but I feel like he internalized a lot of his uncle's views. So when he's talking to Aimeric, he's taking all the beliefs his uncle planted in his head, things he thinks about himself, and throws them at Aimeric because he knows he'll have the same. I don't think Laurent feels beautiful.

Obviously he sees what his uncle did to him as wrong and shameful, but not as much because of his age, more because it's incest. I feel like he feels it was wrong when he was so young, but he exists in a society where it's normalized. So normalized that Nicaise was offered to Damen to fuck in front of the whole court. So obviously Laurent doesn't have it reinforced socially that what happened to him was inherently wrong in any way other than the incest.

Even Jord comments on Laurent being prettier at 15. Nicaise has his fear of growing up and he's 13. Ancel that kept saying he's 16 for as long as he could, as if being 20 would diminish his value. It's a culture that sees a child's beauty as an ideal. It's everywhere. The Regent's "taste" for young boys was extreme even for that environment, but not by much. He doesn't even need to hide it, he openly has pets as young as 10.

Laurent had to see his uncle repeat what he did to him with other boys and know that it would have been accepted if he wasn't family.

I can just imagine Laurent hearing even from people like Jord, who are currently loyal to him, that he was so much prettier as a child. It breaks my heart. Youth is idealized and those abused by the Regent would have it even more strongly internalized.

Laurent feels "expired." Too old to see himself as beautiful. And he probably feels like he has no reason to be hurt by his trauma because of how normalized it is around him.

And then the first person to treat it as inherently wrong is Damen. Who Laurent hated at the time for killing his brother. The first person to validate his trauma is the person he hates the most. Not only does Damen refuse to be the monster Laurent imagined, he's the only one who seems to understand aspects of Laurent's trauma that no one around him would acknowledge as traumatic.

[silentdescant]

how do you think auguste and laurent's relationship would've evolved if auguste had survived marlas? do you think the regent would still have happend and laurent would be like canon laurent?

this is kinda getting into fanfic territory because it's all just "what if?" and there's SO many options there, you can really do anything you want and come up with some validity for it. but here's my thoughts and how i typically think about auguste and laurent's relationship (in non-lauguste fics) in my own AUs. tw for child sexual abuse because i gotta talk about the regent quite a bit.

first of all, about the regent: i don't think, in a canon setting, he would've done what he did with laurent. he preyed on laurent's grief and the fact that he was isolated and alone with no one to turn to but his sole remaining family member, the only one he could possibly trust.

i think... i've seen a lot of people talk about the regent's abuse in a way that is not supported by canon. laurent tells us a fair bit about what happens in the text, both in dialogue and in how he acts, AND we see how the regent works in how others act, like aimeric and nicaise. even that unnamed boy at the end gives us insight, but between the three actual victim characters, we've got a blueprint for the regent's tactics at each stage: nicaise, as it's happening; aimeric, still pining after a "breakup"; and laurent, the only one to reach the stage of understanding that what happened to him was wrong.

even then, laurent is still consumed by guilt for wanting it and encouraging it; even understanding how his uncle operates, and becoming adept at manipulation himself, he still very much blames himself. laurent is obviously different from the others because he's FAMILY, and i think that is a really important component. incest is something that's still taboo and horrifying in vere even while the regent keeps skewing things like age limits and public displays into more and more depravity.

SO, all that being said, the whole situation with laurent is kind of a perfect storm of the regent having the situational opportunity, and manipulating laurent due to his emotions at the time. if laurent hadn't been alone and sad and craving family closeness, i don't think it would have worked the same way. he might have still tried something, but the same sequence of events simply couldn't have happened.

but laurent as a character in canon is defined by his various traumas. to completely erase those from his backstory makes him someone else entirely, which is part of why i usually keep the backstory of some kind of incestuous abuse by the regent, and why i often keep the backstory of losing his parents and the older brother he adored. those things shape him so much that they're kind of integral to my view of laurent as a character.

so let's think: in a canon setting but with the canon divergence that auguste survived, what might happen?

there COULD still be an opportunity to for the regent to take advantage. the king died and auguste became the new king and there's a huge jumble of emotions there. auguste, who we know doted on laurent and spent a lot of time with him, would probably be much busier and much more unavailable, leaving laurent open to having his loneliness and abandonment and grief for his father exploited by his uncle.

i conceptualize laurent and auguste's relationship as close enough and open enough that either auguste would notice a change in laurent, or laurent would straight up tell his brother about some weird things going on, which is why i feel like auguste would put a stop to the abuse before laurent had a chance to go through his canon journey of hurt, abandonment, and finally disillusion. i don't know if he would ever reach that stage of viewing it as wrong (or even if he understands intellectually that it was wrong, he might not feel it). i've definitely read some fics exploring this in a few ways and they're all great.

an auguste who found out about the abuse and did something about it is very different than an auguste who was completely in the dark, or an auguste who only learned of the abuse as an adult after laurent had gone through this emotional journey alone. so laurent's relationship with these different versions of his brother, i think, would be very different. all valid explorations, as i said, and all very fascinating to read about.

this is one reason i like lauguste, to be honest; if auguste lived, the whole regent situation either didn't happen or it might have a very different outcome. laurent is just... entirely different, as a character. he can be whatever you want at that point; he could be promiscuous and love sex, without the trauma impacting his libido and feelings of guilt. he could be comfortable with public displays, he could wear jewelry and looser clothes, he could have friends. all of those things were a reaction to trauma and to his uncle's control. if auguste was in charge, things would be different.

there are definitely fics that explore auguste going bad too, or auguste being distant, or their relationship deteriorating, and that can be fun (and fucking SAD -- looking at maca and derip) to explore too, but personally i just want them to be good for each other and supportive and loving. yeah, angst and misunderstandings and maybe they hurt each other, of course, conflict has to happen in stories, but i'm just not as into fics where there's no love between them anymore. loving auguste is such a defining part of laurent that even though he probably loses a bit of the idolization as part of growing up, i don't want him to lose that bond entirely.

to tl;dr answer your questions: auguste and laurent's relationship would hopefully mature into a normal adult sibling relationship where they might annoy each other but there's a lot of companionship and togetherness there. the regent would've probably made some kind of move, but the options for how it happened and how it ended would all impact laurent very differently and would change the scope and nature of his trauma.

which all makes for great fic! more fic pls. thanks for letting me theorize and talk about it for a while haha

[deripmaver]

4 5 6 for ALL OF THE CaPri FANFICS

LKSJMDHGVLKSJ ALL OF THEM???

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? 5: What part was hardest to write? 6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Ink On Paper (tongue fic) 4. lmfaoooooooo there isn't a whole lot of dialogue in this one oop-

Laurent nodded. The wax softened as he pressed his hand into it, erasing his previous message. Soft, warm, melting under his touch. He wrote again, I need someone who is not afraid to read out the insults I make towards the idiots at court. You have been fired, Damianos.

i guess it technically counts lmfao. i just wanted to show laurent post-trauma still able to make jokes and snipe at his husband so it wasnt all doom and gloom 5. i'm not sure exactly what "hardest to write" here means because like... a lot of these fic have serious gore or otherwise upsetting content, but both emotionally and actually writing wise i find that kind of thing actually pretty easy to write hahahaha. i think i got stuck with the chronology and the decision to make it non-linear made it flow a lot better. for the record writing laurent getting raped and then having his tongue cut out was actually very easy to write, i think i got it out in basically one go. #cancelme the more fucked up and intense the easier i find to nyoom through it 6. my first ever fic in the capri fandom!!!! hehehehhehehe <333333 Level Of Concern (plan B fic) 4.

Before Nicaise could say anything, Laurent spat, “Does he know you had your first heat?”

SURPRISE nic was the one who was pregnant the whole time!!!!!!! 5. this one i banged out REALLY quickly so i cant think of anything here 6. capri omegaverse!!!!!!! i wish there was more of this 🥺🥺🥺 Like Me (what if Auguste was also abused fic) 4. ******CW INCEST MENTION CW ABUSE MENTION******

“Your brother’s stuck his dick in every single member of your family,” Auguste spat out, laughing, crying, and so miserable he thought his heart would stop. His voice rose again, and he felt something burst from him as he screamed for the whole world to hear, “Did you know that? Did you, huh papa? Did he fuck you too?”

dude this line is so fucked up lmfao but i enjoyed writing it so much. actually this entire scene where auguste is having his breakdown was really intense to write and im really pleased with how it came out OR

Auguste grabbed him suddenly, looking up into his grief-stricken face desperately. “Please, Laurent,” he pleaded, voice breaking. “Please. Don’t let him end up like me.”

i felt entirely too clever with this line lmfao. i was like ~ooooohhhhh title drop~ im so dumb 5. i just remember this one like. dragged on for some time. i couldnt figure out what to do with it, how to get everything to coalesce around the final reveal about auguste 6. plot twist!!!!!!! plus auguste angst. i really enjoyed this one, i wrote it after watching the movie Spotlight which is one of my all time faves Softly, Gently 4.

“My King has been overexerting himself again, I presume?” Paschal sighed, shaking his head with a fond smile. “When have I ever done that?” Laurent cocked his head to the side, a wry smile on his face.

hehehehe sassy laurent my beloved <33333 5. honestly im just going to skip this one from now on lskjghmvlksjhglkvsjhdl i just get "stuck" sometimes without rhyme or reason and its usually on boring stuff, but then i cant remember later. the hardest part for me is when my dumb fucking adhd brain wont let me focus on writing but once i overcome that its usually pretty smooth sailing 6. horny omegaverse.................... my beloved............... giving men vaginas for horny reasons my beloved......................... Water of Life (birth fic)

“Do you want to hold him?” Erasmus breathed, eyes glassy. The baby cried, Erasmus bouncing him tenderly in those sunkissed arms. He looked apologetic. “Only for a moment, it’s not quite over yet.” A playful smile danced on Erasmus’ lips, and he brushed away a slick, damp curl from the wailing baby’s head. “A head this big, he certainly takes after Exalted.”

a cute, fun lil line in the sea of horrible angst lmfao ORRRRRR

Erasmus knelt before Damen, before Laurent. He said, “Exalted… Can you command his Highness to push?” Damen froze. “Do you mean…?” Erasmus nodded. “Alpha command.” Damen’s expression crumpled. He said, in a voice that shattered Erasmus’ heart, “I can’t. I can’t do that to him.” Erasmus licked his lips. “Exalted, in this state, he can’t push. His contractions are weaker. He’ll-” “I can’t,” Damen cried, clinging to Laurent’s limp body like a lifeline. “He’d… He’d never forgive me.”

damen is so sweet........ he loves laurent so much...... ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

He stopped at the doorframe, turning to face Laurent with tears in his eyes, and whispered, “How long does it take, your Highness?” Laurent, shocked enough to respond, hissed, “What?” “I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking of it,” Erasmus said, voice thick in his throat, tears burning at his eyes. “How long until it’s over?”

real sad hours if u up click like. i love erasmus and laurent bonding over their shared trauma <33333333333333333333 laurent and erasmus friendship propaganda 24-fucking-7 bay bee!!!!! 6. unironically this is one of my fav fic ive ever written skdljmfhgvlksjdhflmgkvjshldkjfghvmls call the midwife is one of my favorite shows and writing this made me look at birth as something visceral and possibly horrible and traumatic. i wanna write more fucked up birth scenes, SO MANY MORE. ridley scott knew what he was doing Sandalwood (erasmus/kallias my sweet boys i love u so much) 4.

“I do,” Erasmus breathes, ducking his head, flushed as though embarrassed. “In the gardens, the perfume from the orange trees all around us on those summer nights.” Kallias smiles behind him – Erasmus knows his body so intimately he can feel it in how Kallias’ posture changes, though he can’t see the soft turn of his lips. “The scent was so cloying I thought it would drive me mad. It made me want to kiss you senseless.” Erasmus laughs, breathlessly, imagining the warm heat of Kallias’ mouth against his. “Don’t blame that on the orange trees, dear one.”

beloved..................... im weeping.......... 6. these two make me fuckign CRY ON THE REG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MY SWEET BOYS YOU DESERVE THE WORLD- Wisps of Smoke******************* (lauguste fic) 4. ***CW EXPLICIT INCEST*** (i mean....... obviously lmfao)

“Call me what I like,” Auguste growled against his ear. “You know what I like.” He did. Laurent did. He knew everything Auguste liked – the slow flick of Laurent’s tongue on the underside of his cock, that tender spot behind his earlobe, the way Laurent’s thighs looked straddled atop him like his horse – and this. “Brother,” Laurent gasped, desperate, “Brother, please, harder. Harder.”

i wanted the incest to be explicitly part of the kink here lmfaoooooo 6. hehehehehehehhehehehhehe lauguste................... i need to write more of u But I Love It (laurent is allergic to latex fic) 4.

“Laurent,” Auguste said, voice high in warning. Laurent braced himself, stiffening visibly. With what seemed to be monumental effort, Auguste continued, “You know, Laurent. I’m proud of you.”

IM A SOFT BITCH OK???????????????? auguste is PROUD of his baby bro for overcoming his sexual trauma and getting that fat dick 6. SLJHVDLMKJDHGVLK PEOPLE FUCKING LOVED THIS FIC i tried to be funny and i think it worked. plus some softe bits thrown in. i also kind of see lots of humor fic where its a no abuse au, but i wanted to write something comedic where the regent still. existed u kno????? anyways hahahahha i dont think i can write anything like this again but im glad y'all liked it Is It Cold In The Water (slice of life fic) 4.

Laurent opens his mouth to say something cheeky, but instead, what comes out is: “Do you think Aimeric had the right idea?” Damen is quiet for so long, gaze serious and framed with his long, dark lashes, that Laurent wonders if he’d spoken aloud at all – and when he’s sure he had, he realizes Damen had remembered Aimeric after all. When he speaks again, the sleep is gone from his voice. “Laurent,” Damen says carefully, as though approaching a spooked horse, “Is something wrong?”

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 soft,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 6. ruby likes this fic lskjdvhmflgksfjdhmvglkjsdhflkvgmjhlekjfhdvlgskjfhv im a SIMP- The Devil's Got Nothing On Me (AIMERIC FIC LEGGOOOO) 4. there are lots of lil nuggets in here!!!!

Aimeric blinks, and all he can think is, you knew? He says, "I – I just." "I am a patient man," Guion breathes, "I support everyone in my household. Everyone. But Aimeric, you are truly testing my patience. Your mother came to me in tears, begging me to find you. Look at what you did to her! There was nothing I could say until we found you!" "I'm sorry," Aimeric whispers, looking at Loyse, "I'm-" "Look at me," Guion roars.

this conversation was inspired by a very miserable encounter with my boss lmfao. fuck that guy and fuck guion

The regent, blue eyes sparkling - and Aimeric has never thought eyes could look just like a summer sky until now - says to Guion but really to Aimeric, "I was thinking I could take little Aimeric riding tomorrow. Just the two of us." Loyse says, before Guion can speak, voice trembling with relief, "I think that's a wonderful idea, your Highness."

~dramatic irony~ lmfaoooooooooo. WE know of course that this is a bad thing, but it's always fun to have characters make bad choices that they have no idea are bad. i also did this briefly in "Like Me" with auguste's ex wife taking nicaise to church because she was so overwhelmed at home and he offered to help. of course, the regent is always happy to help out. evil evil evil

"-was worried it might be difficult for him." A soft, lilting laugh. The guards had said the regent was in the library, and then there is Guion, right there with him. Aimeric is suddenly angry, not sure why his father is with the regent, who is his and no one else's. The regent responds, "I daresay it's been perfectly easy. It seems you've done most of the work already."

i wanted to highlight the fact that it was aimeric's neglect that lead him to the regent in the first place. hence "youve done most of the work already" - guion by ignoring and neglecting aimeric created the perfect environment for the regent to sweep in and take advantage. like leaving food out btwn 40-140 F is a perfect breeding ground for bacteria LOL. the books touch on that but i wanted to make it explicit

He is so, so ashamed. It's unbearable, the thought of her kind eyes, the way she cried for him, the way he pushed her away. Before he'd left to join the prince's guard, she had taken his hand, kissed it, and said in a voice fragile as glass, "It's been such a long time since I've seen you smile like that," but in that moment he could think only of the regent's letter warm in his pocket.

6. honestly i know ive sounded super conceited this whole time but i kind of tear up whenever i read through the end of the fic lmfao. aimeric is just so fucking depressing as a character and i love that i really got to explore that in this fic. he really didnt have anyone, did he????? he's like a tragic greek character where you just watch him stumbling towards his inevitable end and it hurts the whole time. its even worse on the reread ANYWAYYYYYYY thats it. thanks so much for the ask anon!!!!!!! feel free to send me more!!!

[laurianos]

Prince’s Gambit - Chapter 19 *waggles eyebrows* Summary

@failes-xtra-bits

Quotes in bold. My comments, thoughts and dumb jokes in italics.

As we all know, this is the chapter where they do the sex. It was very hard not to include everything, but I have summarised and picked out some bits that I’d like to talk more about. Sorry lads, this is a long one, but I have many thoughts!

Before I start, I’d like to mention how interesting it is that the events of chapter 18 lead straight into this chapter.

Things might have turned out very differently if Jord had never interrupted the Lamen kiss on the battlements. In chapter 17, Laurent is calm and in a good mood after their victory. He accepts that he wants Damen and is willing to let himself have him, even just for one night. In chapter 17, every time Damen and Laurent speak, it’s as if they are in their own intimate bubble, everything around them is just a hazy blur, like time is on pause. The next morning they would have to face reality but just for one night they can forget it all and have each other.

Instead things take a big turn in chapter 18 and we now have Laurent in a foul mood. Old wounds have been reopened. While he is left alone, he has time to think. He is reminded of the abuse from his uncle and his brother’s death. The person he has come to trust and love is his brother’s killer. With all of that comes a mix of feelings. In his current situation, any wrong move could cost Laurent everything. The Regent plots against him, always seeming one step ahead. The pressure is on. He is no longer distracted by their earlier victory. Things feel very real again. When Damen and Laurent finally do sleep together, it’s not with the mood of chapter 17, it’s after a harsh reminder of pain and everything else that is at stake.

So with that in mind, here is the chapter 18 summary:

Damen is angry. He orders the section clear (again).

‘Are there orders for what should be done with the prisoners?

Throw Aimeric off the battlements. (XD) ‘Keep him confined in his rooms.’

‘Yes Captain.’

‘I want this whole section kept clear. And Guymar?’

‘Yes, Captain?’

‘This time, I want it actually kept clear. (I Love Damen’s Sass! XD) I don’t care who is about to get molested. No one is to come here. Is that understood?’...

He wanted to make a barrier that protected Laurent from anyone who would intrude on him. He’d keep that perimeter clear, if it meant stalking these battlements and patrolling it himself.

He knew this about Laurent. That once he gave himself time alone to think, the control returned, reason won out.

On Damen’s way out, he asks one of the guards to ‘Watch over the Prince,’ saying ‘Anything he needs, make certain he has it. Take care of him.’ and ‘He deserves your loyalty.’

Damen finally goes to ‘his’ room. He drains a cup of wine, unpins his Captain's badge, looks out the window and thinks.

...

Laurent enters the room. Damen realises who’s room he is standing in. Laurent steps forward.

...

Laurent said, ‘I know you’re planning to leave tomorrow. You’re going to cross the border, and you’re not going to come back. Say it.’

‘I-’

‘Say it.’

‘I’m going to leave tomorrow,’ said Damen, as steadily as he could. ‘I’m not going to come back.’ He drew in a breath that hurt his chest. ‘Laurent-’

‘No, I don’t care. Tomorrow you leave. But you’re mine now. You’re still my slave tonight.’ (Laurent probably thinks, if he can just have this for one night and have it over with, hopefully the feelings will go away and he can return to ‘normal’ afterwards.)

Laurent pushes Damen onto the bed.

‘I-don’t-’

‘I think you do,’ said Laurent

Laurent starts to undress Damen.

‘What are you doing?’ Damen’s breath was shaky.

‘What am I doing? You are not very observant.’

‘You’re not yourself,’ said Damen. ‘And even if you were, you don’t do anything without a dozen motives.’

Laurent went very still, the soft words half bitter. ‘Don’t I? I must want something.’ (I wonder if Laurent gets sick of people making assumptions about his character. Probably. He was clearly irritated by something Damen said. Perhaps because this is the one time he has no motivation. He is with Damen purely because he wants to be. In fact I’m sure he’d rather he didn't want Damen at all but he couldn’t help himself.)

‘Laurent, he said.

‘You take liberties,’ said Laurent. ‘I never gave you permission to call me by my name.’

‘Your Highness,’ said Damen, and the words twisted, wrong in his mouth. (I’d just like to mention that Pacat once said she likes the idea of Damen calling Laurent ,‘Your Highness’, in bed XD) He needed to say, Don’t do this. But he couldn’t think past Laurent, improbably close. (I think Damen is in disbelief but also torn. He wants this so badly but wonders if this is what Laurent really wants, and if he’s in the right mood to be making this decision) ... 

‘I don’t think you want me. I think you just want me to feel this.’

‘Then, feel it,’ said Laurent.

Laurent continues to undress Damen, unlacing his trousers.

‘I see you are everywhere in proportion.’ XD

Laurent proceeds to give Damen a hand job.

The grip felt more like ownership than a caress...

The rise and fall of Laurent’s hand was like the slide of Laurent’s words, like every frustrating argument that they’d ever had, stymied, tangled up in Laurent’s voice. He could feel the tension in Laurent, sharp like the feel of his own heartbeats. Laurent held his former mood within him, constrained, and converted into something else.

...

Laurent said, ‘Adequate.’ XD 

One of my favourite things about this chapter, is how it didn't quite go the way I thought it would. We all knew Damen and Laurent would eventually sleep together, but I didn’t think it would be like this. The start isn’t so much of a surprise. Laurent’s mood from chapter 18 carries on into this one. I expected angst, and we got some. 

But this is when it changes. It’s slow and tender and full of emotion. We see Laurent’s vulnerabilities and hesitation. This is why I love it so much. It’s not just sex for the sake of sex. Fine, yes, we get all the juicy details (and I’m certainly not complaining about that 😏) you would expect to find in a smut chapter, BUT, it’s so much more than than that. There is actual character and relationship development. It is the most open and honest the two have been with each other so far. It was the moment we were all waiting for and it did not disappoint.

Damen said, ‘Kiss me.’...

He had pushed himself up, so that his body made a curve, the planes of his abdomen shifting. Laurent’s gaze splayed out instinctively over him (Laurent be checking him out like 👀), then lifted to his own...

He could feel the desperate urge for retreat. He could feel something else too, Laurent keeping himself apart, as though, this act being finished, he had no template for what to do.

With Laurent finished (or rather, Damen finished XD), it releases some of the tension from earlier and Laurent’s bad mood seems to have disappeared. He is no longer acting on impulse driven by mixed emotions. He can’t hide behind anger any longer. He is forced to experience it all and confront his own feelings with his guard lowered.

‘Kiss me,’ he said again.

They kiss. Then Damen draws back and kisses Laurent on the neck.

It was not what Laurent had expected. He felt the slight shock of Laurent’s surprise, and the way Laurent held himself, as though confused as to why Damen wished to do this (poor boy is affection starved 😭)

They kiss again deeply.

Damen starts to undress Laurent. 

He thought of the servant he had seen attending Laurent earlier, how much he had disliked it. (Jealous boi 😛)

Damen removes Laurent’s jacket and shirt. He sees that Laurent is aroused.

Laurent said, ‘Did you think I was made of stone?’

He couldn’t stop the rush of pleasure he felt at that, said, ‘Nothing you don’t want.’

‘You think I don’t want it?’

...

Laurent pushes Damen back with his boot, and Damen removes it. 

They kiss again and Damen starts unlacing Laurent’s trousers, removing them.

Damen gives Laurent head.

For all his seeming experience, Laurent reacted like an innocent to this pleasure. He let out a soft shocked sound...

.... Laurent’s slight, helpless shifts and pushes, the quality of his surprise, and the hard act of repression that followed, as Laurent tried to even out his breathing...

Damen could feel Laurent’s cycle of reaction and repression beneath him, as impetus gathered, building in the lines of Laurent’s body.

And felt it stymied. As rhythm built, Laurent’s body locked down, his responses repressed... Laurent, out on the shattered edge of pleasure, was holding himself back from climax by sheer force of his impossible will...

After a long moment Laurent said, with painful honesty, ‘I... find it difficult to let go of control.’

‘No kidding,’ said Damen XD

...

The words fell into a stillness between them. Laurent’s breathing was shallow, and his cheeks were flushed as he closed his eyes, as though he wanted to block out the world. (He desperately wants to forget all his conflicting thoughts so he can just feel and experience this moment.)

‘I want,’ said Laurent, ‘I want it to be simple.’

‘Turn over,’ said Damen...

Laurent closed his eyes again, as if in decision. Then he acted.

Laurent turns over onto his front. (Damen is not prepared and dies slightly from shock.)

He felt nervous suddenly, green, as he hadn’t felt since he was thirteen - uncertain of what lay on the other side of this moment, and wanting to be worthy of it.

Damen mentions how tense Laurent seems. He turns Laurent over again to face him.

‘... a desperate irritation that overlay something else... For all his bizarre nervy tension, Laurent was indisputably eager, physically...

‘Contrary, aren’t you,’ said Damen softly, thumbing over Laurent’s cheek.

‘Fuck me,’ said Laurent.

‘I want to,’ said Damen. ‘Can you let me?’...

The idea of being fucked very clearly had Laurent out of his mind, as desire competed with some sort of convoluted mental objection that really needed, Damen thought, to be dispensed with...

DAMEN!!! How do you not know?!!! How have you not picked up on what could be wrong?! gaaahhh! ... *sigh* BUT I will put my frustrations for oblivious Damen aside. Pacat does mention she felt it had to be that way, that Damen shouldn’t know.

‘I am letting you,’ said Laurent, the terse words pushing out. ‘Will you get on with it?’...

In Laurent’s eyes, impatience and tension overlay something unexpectedly young and vulnerable. Damen’s heart felt exposed, outside of his chest.

...

A wild vial appears.

He could look nowhere but at Laurent, both of them here with nothing between them, and Laurent allowing it...

It was intensely private...

The reality of it was different; Laurent was different. Damen had never thought it could be like this, soft and quiet and acutely personal.

...

Let the sex commence!

...

You’re mine, he wanted to say, and couldn’t. Laurent didn’t belong to him; this was something he could have only once. (*sniff* cri! 😢) ...

To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up. (*sobbing* 😭)

Never had he wanted something this badly, and held it in his hands knowing that tomorrow it would be gone, traded for the high cliffs of Ios, and the uncertain future across the border, the chance to stand before his brother, to ask him for all the answers that no longer seemed so important. A kingdom, or this. (*ugly crying* 😩 *balling eyes out* 😭😭)

...

Climax. End.

[failes-xtra-bits]

Princes Gambit Review Ch 2

Chapter 2 begins with a remark on how the soldiers that the regent chose were of the worst standard, once again showing his meticulous planning. We learn that they are making disrespectful remarks and sly insinuations. 

“ No wonder Aimeric had been furious: even Damen, who had frankly no objection to men slandering Laurent, was finding himself annoyed. It was disrespectful to speak that way of any commander. He’d loosen up for the right cock, he heard. He pulled too sharply on the girth strap of his horse.”

This quote reveals the true extent of the crudity of these comments. So much so that even Damen (who has had nothing but verbal and emotional abuse from Laurent) is annoyed. This can be attributed to him wanting this campaign to go well because he wants to get home. 

We learn that Laurent and Damen had been discussing the terrain. We also get more tension build up. 

“As the night wore on, Laurent had abandoned his deliberate comportment for a relaxed, youthful pose, drawing one knee up to his chest and slinging an arm around it. Damen had found his gaze drawn to the easy arrangement of Laurent’s limbs, the balance of wrist on knee, the long, finely articulated bones. He had been aware of a diffuse but growing tension, a sensation almost like he was waiting . . . waiting for something, unsure what it was. It was like being alone in a pit with a snake: the snake could relax, you could not.”

I love how sexual tension and hate are very mixed up here. I also like how we are getting a very relaxed Laurent here as well. 

Eventually the company ride out and here Damen notes the difference between Govart and Laurent.

  “Govart crude and commanding on a warhorse at their head, and beside him beside him—young, elegant and golden—the Prince. Laurent looked like a figurehead, eye-catching and useless.”

This is less an analysis of character (because we all know that Laurent is far from useless) but more of an assessment of political power. Currently Laurent for all his intellect is no more than a political pawn.

The men then set up camp and Damen goes to Paschal when he hears Aimeric and Orlant talking. Orlant trying to get Aimeric to tell him who did it while Aimeric keeps claiming that its all his fault. Damen goes to find Jord because he knows how to handle Orlant.

“The man Jord had been speaking to gave Damen an unpleasant look after Jord left. ‘I heard you were good at carrying tales. And what will you be doing while Jord stops that fight?’

  ‘Getting massaged,’ said Damen, succinctly.”

Love this bit because I love Damen’s sass. Damen visits Paschal and then goes to report to Laurent in his tent. In the tent we are greeted with the image of 

“Laurent was seated in the entrance area, which was arranged for visitors with chairs and a receiving table, much like a warfield tent. He was talking to one of the scruffier-looking servants about armaments. Except that he wasn’t talking, he was mostly listening. He waved Damen inside to wait.

Once again our hatred against Laurent is slowly unravelling. By having him ‘listening’ rather than ‘talking’ to this servant the reader considers him in an almost empathetic light. We also start seeing that he has the makings of a good leader. The servant is dismissed and we are hit with this iconic line. 

“Well? Attend me,’ said Laurent.

  ‘Attend,’ said Damen.

  The word sank into him. He felt as he had in the training arena when he had been unwilling to go near the cross.

  ‘Have you forgotten how?’ Laurent said.

  He said, ‘The last time, this did not end pleasantly.’

  ‘Then I suggest you behave better,’ said Laurent.

  Laurent turned his back on Damen calmly and waited. The lacing of Laurent’s brocade outer garment began at his nape, and ran in a single line all the way down his back. It was ridiculous to . . . fear this. Damen stepped forward.

In order to begin unlacing the garment, he had to lift his fingers and brush to one side the ends of the gilt hair, soft as fox fur. When he did so, Laurent tipped his head very slightly, offering better access.

  It was the normal duty of a body servant to dress and undress his master. Laurent accepted the service with the indifference of one long used to attendance. The opening in the brocade widened, revealing the white of an undershirt pressed warm against skin by the heavy outer fabric, and by armour atop that. Laurent’s skin and the shirt were the exact same delicate shade of white. Damen pushed the garment over Laurent’s shoulders and just for a moment felt, beneath his hands, the hard, corded tension of Laurent’s back.

  ‘That will do,’ said Laurent, stepping away and tossing the garment to one side himself. ‘Go and sit at the table.”

We are again reminded of Laurent’s brutal treatment. But it is also interesting to note that Laurent is also tense during this scene. Is it because he feels disgusted about having the man who killed his brother attend him? Yes, that and also the difficulties that are presenting themselves. I am sure Laurent is aware of what the regent is doing. 

Anyway the scene ends with Laurent asking Damen about military manoeuvres. Which we assume happens because it skips to the next morning where Jord asks Damen to the practice field.

Damen is excited by this idea, because he is at his core a warrior. When they arrive there are people there but not many are the Regent’s men. Damen and Orlant start fighting.

“There had been no explosion last night, and Orlant and Lazar were within a hundred paces of each other without any sign of bodily harm, but that meant that Orlant had a grievance that had not yet been expressed to his satisfaction, and as Orlant stopped what he was doing and came forward, Damen found himself face to face with a challenge that he should have predicted.

  He caught the wooden practice sword instinctively when Orlant tossed it to him.

  ‘You any good?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Damen.

  He could see from the look in Orlant’s eyes what he intended. People were beginning to take notice, pause in their own practice.

  “This isn’t a good idea,’ said Damen.

  ‘That’s right. You don’t like fights,’ said Orlant. ‘You prefer going behind people’s backs.’

  The sword was a practice weapon, wood from pommel to blade-tip, with leather wound around the hilt to provide a grip. Damen felt the weight of it in his hand.

  ‘Afraid to spar?’ said Orlant.

  ‘No,’ said Damen.

  ‘Then what? Can’t fight?’ said Orlant. ‘You’re only here to fuck the Prince?’

  Damen swung.

  Damen and Orlant start fighting, Damen wins the fight. At the end of the fight Jord comes along and indicates at Laurent who had been watching them (do voyeuristic tendencies also extend to fighting? Can’t blame him, martial arts is hot). Damen leaves and goes to Laurent.

“You were looking for me?’

  Laurent didn’t answer, and Damen couldn’t interpret his expression.

  ‘What is it?’ said Damen.

  ‘You’re better than I am.’

  Damen couldn’t help his amused breath of reaction to that, or the long, scrolling look from Laurent’s head to his toes and back again, which was probably a little insulting. But really.

Laurent flushed. The colour hit his cheeks hard, and a muscle tightened in his jaw as whatever he felt was forcibly repressed. It was not like any reaction that Damen had ever seen from him before, and he couldn’t resist pushing it a little further.

  ‘Why? Do you want to spar? We can keep it friendly,’ Damen said.

  ‘No,’ said Laurent.

  Whatever might have passed between them after that was forestalled by Jord, who was approaching from behind him with Aimeric.”

I love this little exchange because while initially it seems like Laurent might really be turned on by Damen’s fighting (which he subconsciously may be), in hindsight it comes across as more embarrassed that he has been training for all his life to kill Damen, but still isn’t good enough. Its also my fav because its one of those rare moments where we see Laurent’s composure falter and we see him blushing. 

They are interrupted by Jord and Aimeric. Jord leaves with Laurent for a bit leaving Damen alone with Aimeric. Jord comes back to find Damen and apologises to him. 

“I want you to know,’ said Jord, ‘when I asked you to join us this morning, it wasn’t to give Orlant the chance to—’

  ‘I know that,’ said Damen.

  Jord nodded slowly. ‘Any time you want the practice, I’d be honoured to go a few rounds against you. I’m a lot better than Orlant.’

  ‘I know that too,’ said Damen.

  He got the closest thing to a smile he’d received from Jord. ‘You weren’t that good when you fought Govart.’

  ‘When I fought Govart,’ said Damen, ‘I had my lungs full of chalis.’

  Another slow nod.

  ‘I’m not sure how it is in Akielos,’ said Jord, ‘but . . . you shouldn’t take that stuff before a fight. Slows your reflexes. Saps your strength. Just some friendly advice.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Damen, after a long, drawn out moment had passed.”

I like this purely because its hilarious and shows that Damen is gaining some friendship and respect. 

At last the long awaited fight that is to seperate the men happens and its between Lazar and Aimeric. The fight sets of more fights between Jord, Orlant and Govart but somehow Jord manages to calm the situation down. Then Damen goes to see Laurent. They discuss the fight and we learn that Aimeric and councillor Guion’s son. Soon Damen reveals the real reason why he’s seeing Laurent, he wants to talk about Govart. 

“I know you are capable of bringing Govart to heel without it being seen as an act of aggression against your uncle. I can’t believe you fear Govart. If you did, you’d never have set me against him in the ring. If you’re afraid of—’

  ‘That’s enough,’ said Laurent.

  Damen set his jaw. ‘The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to regain face with your uncle’s men. They already talk about you like—’

  ‘I said that’s enough,’ said Laurent.

  Damen was silent. It took a great deal of effort. Laurent was staring at him with a frown.

  ‘Why do you give me good advice?’ asked Laurent.

  Isn’t that why you brought me with you? Instead of speaking those words aloud, Damen said, ‘Why don’t you take any of it?”

 While our own judgement of Laurent is unravelling so is Laurent’s judgement of Damen. Its cool how we are going through the same journeys as the characters. I love that Laurent is surprised as Damen’s decency. *chef’s kiss*

Anyway Laurent leaves stating Govart has already resolved matters to his satisfaction. 

[thestoriesthatweweave]

Bathing Scene in Capri Chapter 3 meta

I’ve noticed recently that my interpretation on the bath scene in chapter 3 of Captive Prince, which is pretty different from what seems to be the general consensus in the fandom. Specifically, my interpretation of the motive behind Laurent’s actions.  

The general consensus I’ve always seen on the bath scene is that Laurent was acting deliberately, intending in advance to punish Damen whatever he did, so he created the conditions to ensure that Damen would give him the excuse he needed. 

But Laurent’s actions in the bath scene and afterwards are not typical of his character when thinking coldly. He is capable of cruelty, sure, but, when planning ahead, he managed to hurt Damen in ways that ensured Laurent would not bear any repercussions from it. And the repercussions of the whipping are severe: he loses all of his lands (save Acquitart) and much of his hard-earned reputation in front of the court. 

Ever since I read it for the first time I’ve always thought the bath scene was a sort of test Laurent devised to gauge the truth of Damen’s character - he creates a situation in which he can observe, at no danger to himself, he Damen acts in a situation in which he his inhibition are lowered and he has the impression of being in a position of power over Laurent (on account of them being alone in the room). 

A test Damen fails.

This impression has only grown stronger upon rereading, with the benefit of hindsight and the firmer grasp of Laurent’s character and his backstory that affords.

My reasoning (featuring canonical tw for discussion of sexual assault and discussion of Laurent’s and Nicaise’s abuse at the Regent’s hands) is under the cut:

(Direct quotes from the books are in italics.)

Laurent starts of the first book not only hating Damen for what Damen did to him in killing Auguste, but also firmly believing that Damen is some sort of monster - possibly because Auguste’s death is so tangled up, in Laurent’s mind, with the abuse that he suffered afterwards, that he believes Damen to be somehow complicit in what his uncle did to him.

Laurent seems to start doubting his conviction that Damen’s an awful human being after he witnesses Damen’s reaction to being offered Nicaise as a “reward” for his performance in the ring. Damen is, rightfully, infuriated and disgusted at the very notion. He says: “Do whatever you want to me. I’m not going to rape a child.”

Laurent’s expression “flickers” and his more extended reaction is this: Laurent was looking from Damen to the boy and back again. Frowning as if something didn’t make sense. 

From what we see of the court of Arles under the Regent’s lead, this is, quite possibly, the first explicit condemnation Laurent has ever heard of his uncle’s actions. And it’s from the mouth of the man he considers responsible for his uncle being left in charge. 

After this exchange, Laurent does what he always does, throughout all three books, when he’s taken aback by something: he isolates himself. (“Have my horse brought to the north courtyard, I’m going for a ride”).

He and Damen don’t see each other again until the baths.

Once Damen is brought to the baths, Laurent’s first words are a reference to the encounter with Nicaise, proving that the incident has been on his mind. In this occasion he also says that he waited six days so he and Damen could be alone, which is in support of the idea that his actions are premeditated. I’ve always seen this statement as meaning that he wanted to be able to conduct his interaction with Damen however he sees fit, without outside inference. What he adds immediately afterwards (“Are you going to complain again that you’re not allowed to hit back? Don’t worry, I won’t hit you unless I have a good reason”) seems to indicate he hasn’t made up his mind yet on what to do with Damen.

And if he plans to punish Damen anyway, why wait for Damen to provide him with an excuse, since he’s arranged for them to be alone and could just make an excuse up, since it’s going to be his word against Damen’s anyway?

The reader’s impression of their interaction in the baths is colored by Damen’s POV, but examining it by just looking at their dialogue, this is what happens:

Laurent says: “Don’t get presumptuous” (while Damen is fondling him, meaning: take your hands off me)

To which Damen replies: “Too late, sweetheart” (which, to be fair, is kind of a shitty response to give to someone who just demanded to be unhanded).

Laurent, after he tries to slap Damen and is physically restrained instead (and after Damen takes the opportunity to ogle him, while still holding his wrist), reacts with: “But my voice has broken. That was the only prerequisite, wasn’t it?” - which is a call-back to earlier in the scene when talking about Nicaise, when Damen said: “before I rape anyone, I first check if their voice has broken”. 

So Laurent is clearly accusing Damen of attempting to sexually assault him. And considering Laurent’s opinion of Damen in book 1 and the fact that it’s only the two of them in the room and so Laurent would have no incentive to lie, there’s no reason to believe that the accusation is anything but genuine. 

Now, Damen would never. Damen is, in fact, horrified at the very notion (Damen released his grip, as though burned). This is immediately clear to the reader. 

But Laurent, whose major impression of Damen is him cutting down his beloved brother after Auguste had allowed him to pick up his sword, and so is inclined to think the worst of him, does not know this. All he sees is that the moment he showed himself to have any vulnerability (illusory as it was), Damen tried to take advantage of it. 

If he’s been wavering over whether or not Damen is a horrible human being before, he’s not wavering now, because Damen just gave him the excuse he needed to continue to hold the (much more comfortable) belief that the man who killed his brother is a monster from a story, rather than a person with virtues as well as flaws.

So Lauerent gets angry - at Damen for his presumption and deception and at himself for being taken in with his pretense at goodness, even for a moment. He does what he always does when he gets angry: he becomes vicious, and cruel, and creates damage much in excess of what is necessary, by ordering Damen to be flogged until he is almost killed. 

Anger has always been Laurent’s character flaw, and he harms everyone when it is unleashed, including himself. 

 Damen even says it in Prince’s Gambit, after Laurent’s verbal attack to Aimeric: “I remember the last time you were like this. You blundered so badly you gave your uncle the excuse he needed to have you stripped of your lands”. 

[laurent-ofvere]

Did Pacat ever explain why Nicaise had to die? I'm so sad for him. I feel like he should've been given a chance to recover from the abuse. And a chance to a future. Idk. I'm just really sad whenever I remember his story.

i remember her saying that she wanted aimeric and nicaise to serve almost as mirror images of laurent being that they all went through similar things and they each showed a possible outcome for how things could have turned out for him. even though nicaise never got the time or chance to recover from his abuse, i feel like the fact that he was killed (on the surface) because he argued for laurent showed that the regent didn’t have nicaise in his clutches to the end because he died knowing that laurent was right and the regent, abuse and manipulation and all, was wrong. 

[deripmaver]

7 for the fic ask meme 👀

OMG HEY HEY i lov ur writing your "bubble up in me" series fills me with uwus

this got kind of long bc i couldnt pick just one!!!! so its behind a cut just to be safe

7. What’s your favourite piece of description or narration?

okay im gonna give three examples bc im a cheater. the first is the ending of the aimeric fic:

It does not matter.

The regent is not here now.

Aimeric is completely, utterly alone.

the second is the ending of "the worlds more full of weeping" (spoilers i guess lol):

He sunk his fingers into the dirt. He felt cradled by it, felt warm and cozy as though it was holding him and not these too-small bones. If Laurent closed his eyes and really, really focused, he imagined he could feel the tiny, skeletal hand clinging to his beneath the earth, the two of them connected like one line from past to present.

“I know how scared you were,” Laurent said, eyes filling with tears. “I feel it still, how scared you were. I also feel how happy you were, what you were waiting for, what you never got to do.”

[...]

“I’m all that’s left,” Laurent whispered, peering down into the blackness of the earth. “I am all that’s left of you.”

He thought, maybe Auguste and I should go riding, later today.

and the third, and a completely different vibe altogether LMFAOOO is just this random sexy stream of consciousness from "control" (huge nsfw lauguste warning lmaooooooo):

How had he thought Auguste wasn’t good at this kind of play? He could be whipped, his tits could be beaten until he cried, they could fuck his open, aching cunt and fill him with their hot cum, and he could endure it – this, though, this, not only being opened wide in front of them but being made to cum through it, it was torture.

It was too much. His body was betraying him, again and again and again, cumming no matter how much he begged them to stop from behind the gag, making him enjoy it like a wanton slut. He never wanted to cum again, but they kept forcing him to, and he could not stop it from happening no matter how hard he willed it. His mind did not matter, his thoughts did not matter, he was just a toy, a slave to his body and his throbbing, swollen clit.

Damen, at some point, abandoned the crop for a second vibrating wand, and he and Auguste rubbed it alternately along either side of his clit, drawing the orgasms out faster and harder. Once, one of them dipped their wand low, circling the tiny dot of his urethral opening, and Laurent begged, “Stick it in there, stick it in anywhere, just don’t touch my clit anymore, please, I’m begging you, I’m begging you-”

Then, the next moment, it was back up on his clit, and Laurent’s sobs turned into screams.

for the first two, i like the narration/description because i think both of these were a kind of character study. i like the aimeric one because i think that's the crux of aimeric's character lmaoooo him having genuinely no support. the ending takes place with aimeric at 12-13 ish, but the ending line of aimeric being alone fits aimeric at basically every age, and also serves as a way to describe him immediately before he commits suicide (the passages of him right before his suicide are interspersed with that final "segment" at 12-13 immediately after the regent has left fortaine)

for twmfow (yes im finally abbreviating the title LMAO its too long to keep writing) i like it bc as ive said before that fic is 100% about trauma and ptsd. at the very end, laurent is finally acknowledging that he can never go back to how he was before he was traumatized, and he's letting himself grieve for all of the things that changed bc of his abuse, of course in this fic very literally as his younger, non-traumatized self is represented by a literal corpse (or, well, skeleton). but just to leave things on a happier note, i wanted to write that yeah, laurent cant "go back" like he wanted to at the beginning of the fic, but he can grieve and he can have new happy experiences with the ppl who love him. AND SO CAN YOU, READER!!!!!!!

for "control" i dont have anything really meaningful to say LMFAO i just am an absolute fucking slut for forced orgasms. the whole fic was inspired by this INSANE hentai manga thats basically the same premise as "control" (but actual noncon instead of cnc). anyway this passage was absolutely filthy and intense and i really liked writing it