#like finally she became a person where it was enough to make HERSELF proud and do what SHE wanted

[srjlvr]

,, late night walkings ‘‘

“im more of a night person”

highschool student!Jake X highschool student!gn Reader

Jake’s place-to-escape is the park only at the very late night hours, he never thought he’d now have to share his place with a stranger || genre fluff, a bit of angst & comfort! || wc 2.0k+ || lowercase intended. || ✎ ᝰ . not my fav but i worked a lot on it, pls tell me what you think!

“late night walking became my favorite thing now because it’s with you”

“you’re failing your classes and you can’t do anything right! what happened to you?” jake heard this sentence a few times lately, especially from his parents and teachers.

he took a big sigh and laid back his chair. he has been out of motivation lately and barely even wants to get out of bed, he tries his best but nothing comes out of it, he’s on the verge of giving up already.

he looked at the clock on his desk, it showed 11:48PM, he has been studying up until now and lately he had been dealing with problems of sleeping as well. “guess i’ll go out for a walk” he smiled to himself, grabbed his coat and quickly made his way to the door.

“where are you going? sim jake!” his mother called him but it’s nothing new, he has been going out on these hours lately and always comes back about half an hour later, she sighed to herself, shaking her head in disappointment.

finally arriving at the nearest park to his house, he sighed loudly. “will i be able to pass this year successfully?” he asked himself, looking at the dark view ahead of him.

the park is big, there’s a river along the entire place and there are a few benches to sit in front of the river, the view is breathtaking, especially in the night when all you see is the lights from the buildings on the other side of the river and the dark water that make those really relaxing and comforting sounds. it’s certainly a hobby of jake to come here every time when he can’t seem to fall asleep.

you were just now finishing your job in the convenient store, taking your bag and a few snacks, you waved goodbye at the worker who replaced you and headed out of the store. the weather was chilly, it wasn’t too cold but it wasn’t too hot either, you loved it.

you’re working at the convenient store to save up some money so you could spend it on the things you need. at one point you wanted to feel independent and stopped asking for money from your parents, so you had to start working.

however, you didn’t expect everything to be even more stressful. your parents wants you to be successful, but you’re falling behind everyone in the class, you’re feeling like a very much disappointment to everyone.

“will i be able to make my parents proud?” you sighed and took a bite from your snack. you actually like the outside more than your own house, especially at nights so you usually just go out after work until you feel like getting back home.

you usually wake up around 6AM and finish your job around 11:50PM, your sleeping hours are a bit messed up but you don’t regret being hardworking at all. school is important to you, but you also gotta make money for living.

“i’ll go to this park today” you’ve never been in the park before, but you heard your co-workers talking about how pretty it is at night, you’re usually hanging around at the close playground just by yourself, playing some games on your phone and eating snacks alone.

slowly making your way to the park, you took out a few snacks that were in your backpack as you were feeling a bit hungry.

when you arrived at that park, you stopped for a minute. you admired the peace and beautiful view, you took a few seconds to look around and explore the whole place.

that was when you saw a dark figure, sitting on one of the benches in front of the river. “is he a stalker of someone or something…?” you asked yourself and slowly got closer to the figure.

you tried carefully not to make any noise and when you got close enough, you heard a crying and sniffing sounds. no way….is he…crying…? you thought.

you didn’t want to interrupt his cries so you sat on one of the benches that was next to his. you looked at the river without looking at him. “i don’t know you at all but i know that something’s probably off if you’re here at this park at this hour while shedding a few tears” you tried to make a joke and maybe brighten his mood but all it did was to make him stop crying.

he wiped his tears and looked at you. “your parents didn’t teach you it’s not okay to talk with strangers?” he asked. “i don’t like following my parents’ rules, i break them” you chuckled.

he was looking at you but you were looking at the river without making any eye contact with him. “i’m sorry to interrupt your crying session, if you feel like venting then do it, we’re strangers anyway so it’s better since i know literally nothing about you” you casually said.

you were right, you both really don’t know each other and honestly? venting to a stranger is better than venting to someone you know, there is no judgement from the stranger’s side so you don’t feel like you’re being judged.

“i feel like i’m disappointing my parents, my teachers and everyone else i know, school is the main reason and the problem is, no matter how hard i try i just never manage to achieve my goal” he sadly smiled. “and if you were wondering, i like this park, it’s better than my home and the only place i find comfort in” he added.

you bit your lip, his story really sounded similar to yours, “i know it’s hard, but you can do it, you’ll manage to get out of this loop, you need to learn from your mistakes and move on with the help of them.” you sighed, “you shouldn’t be too harsh on yourself, you should learn how to firstly accept yourself, and then it’ll slowly affect your surroundings” you finally looked at him and you made an eye contact.

your eyes brightened a bit, he looked really out of motivation and tired, nevertheless he was really beautiful, even if it was really dark and you could barely see him. jake feels the same too. up until now he saw half of your face, but when you made eye contact something in him softened, you looked tired as well, almost as if you were the same person in different bodies, you were absolutely beautiful in his eyes even though he didn’t see much of your face since it’s really dark.

“thank you” he whispered, “i really needed to hear that” he nodded. “im y/n” you randomly said, “if you like this place and come here everyday at this hour, then i guess it’ll be my routine as well” you chuckled. “jake” he replied. “never thought i’d have to share my park with a stranger” he added. “you know my name so now we’re not that much of strangers” you smiled softly.

you and jake kept talking and getting to know each other better, you didn’t notice the time that passed by so fast, and suddenly you heard jake’s phone getting spammed with loads of texts. “oh god, it’s like 1:30AM right now, my mom’s worried sick” he stressfully said.

you got closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder to calm him a bit, “you’ll be fine, your mother will relax as soon as you tell her that you’re alive” you giggled. he chuckled a bit and got up next to you.

that was when you figured he was taller than you expected. “woah you’re tall” you put a hand over your mouth. “told her i’m alive and breathing, let’s do a little walk around the park!” he excitedly said as he turned off his phone.

for a few more minutes, you and jake spent your happiest moments together, even if you’re both complete strangers that just met each other, you managed to find comfort in each other really fast.

around 2AM you decided to call it a night, and each of you went the other way back to your house.

the sun rise and you were already eating your breakfast, quickly getting ready for school and heading out your home. “i’ll be back home late don’t search for me” you claimed without waiting for your parents’ reaction.

jake was doing the basically same, “i’ll be back home as usual” he sighed and closed the door.

your day routine was the same, getting into school and walking out of school, you went to your convenient store to start working and jake headed home.

it was around 11:20PM that jake stopped studying, he looked at the clocked and sighed, “should i visit their work place today….?” he asked himself. yesterday you told him that you’re working at the close convenient store and invited him to visit you whenever he feels like it.

through the whole day, jake couldn’t stop thinking about you, you met yesterday but jake already couldn’t stop feeling attracted to you.

he decided to go and visit you so he took his coat and headed out, without updating his parents again. he finally arrived at the place and looked at the store from the outside.

he saw you there behind the counter, studying a bit since there was no one in the store. you looked even prettier now that jake could see you in the light. he walked in and a ringing bell sound made you look up at the glass door.

“hell- oh? jake!” you excitedly said when you saw the person. “i decided to pay a visit” he smiled.

oh man, jake was too handsome now that you could finally see him fully in the light. “thank god, it was so boring here already” you rolled your eyes and sighed.

“my shift ends in about 20 minutes, do you wanna snack some noodles in the meantime?” you offered. there was no one in the store anyway so you could eat with him.

“do you always work that late?” he asked worriedly. “guilty” you giggled, “what can i say? i’m more of a night person”. jake nodded and went to grab his favorite noodles to make.

when your noodles were finally ready, you sat on the bar that was in front of the glass walls of the store, happily eating your noodles and joking around. “i was planning to see you at the park today anyway, i even told my parents i’ll be back home late” you smiled. “i didn’t tell my parents anything, i’m probably going to get spammed again” he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

twenty minutes later and your other co-worker came to replace you. “have fun on your shift!” you smiled and went out together with jake. “to the park?” he asked. you nodded, “to the park”.

and every night it would be the same, jake coming to your work and you’re walking together to the park. it almost feels as if the park belongs to the both of you only. the same routine kept on going for months already.

jake slowly started to get his grades back in track and you did the same. “it’s all thanks to our late night walkings” you sarcastically said. “it’s true though! without your comfort that day i don’t think i’d be where i am right now” he smiled at you.

“late night walking became my favorite thing now because it’s with you” he blabbered out. “it was my only way of escaping the reality back then but ever since i met you it changed it’s meaning” he chuckled, “thank you, for turning my late night walkings into something more meaningful” he genuinely said from his whole heart, the way you two share eye contact made you feel butterflies in your stomach, even though making eye contact already became your usual thing.

“why are you saying that out of blue?” you smiled. “because i realized it’s finally the time to tell you how i really feel about you” he took a deep breath, “you know, about me liking you for a while now and these things”

© srjlvr , pls don’t copy/translate any of my works without permission ! | reblogs and comments are very appreciated !

[chaifootsteps]

Okay, so jumping here. I've been thinking and imo the 'Lilith' is Eve in disguise and Rosie is Lilith theory still holds true. This is brought to you by me going "We know Viv is a shitty writer, so from the writing already available, where would she lead the plot NOW?" and by my tinfoil hat.

We know Lilith is somewhere in Heaven (maybe even in Eden itself). Unless she pulls the weirdest explanation out of her hat for why she took a small vacay for 7 YEARS abandoning her daughter (with whom we know she had a good relationship with, IF that part of the pilot is still true. She never stopped to explain what parts of the pilot are still true, ffs.), Lilith would never. I don't even think she:

1) Would be allowed in Heaven, even by making a deal with Adam.

2) Adam's pride is too big for him to simply accept such a deal and Lilith's pride would be equally big imo. This interaction would never work.

So that has to be Eve. And Adam *has* to know that that's Eve. Or he doesn't, idc. Point is, it's far more likely by normal logic for that to be Eve. By Viv logic...? Not so much.

Which brings me to my second point! Rosie and her character. I did kind of feel the Mary Poppins vibes a bit, ngl. Horrible redesign, but oh well... The way she reacted to Charlie, her going "yeah, singing totes works here, in the *cannibal* colony!" and her giving that love advice + "we all did things we aren't proud of" + the fact that she's a "hellborn"? She has to be Lilith, sorry. Also also I feel like cannibalism isn't even such a big deal??? In the show I mean. It's literally so cartoonish it simply becomes a hellish quirk for some inhabitants. Sure Alastor, you're a cannibal, boo-hoo. I don't feel threatened by any of them, is what I mean. And even irl, I feel like yeah, it's gross and most likely getting yourself sick, but what makes cannibalism truly bad is the act of *killing* that person, ye know? In Viv's Hell that can't even happen, they'll just respawn, no problem.

And my final reason issss: Viv just ran so fast past 4 seasons worth of plot that imo she backed herself info a corner. The only things keeping the plot going are...Alastor's deal and who he made it with. It's probably Roo or Eve (or Lilith if Rosie is just Rosie), but I have a feeling like it can't be so simple with her, she has to pull a super complicated sayan explanation to make it seem like she just had us all guessing the wrong things, she's suuuuch a literary genius. And she loves musicals a bit too much (Adam is literally just Beetlejuice minus everything interesting about him), so pulling a Sweeney Todd sounds very in-character for her.

Now, speaking of Alastor....I haaaate how she destroyed his character with all the swearing and the petty edgelord-ness. She's not smart enough to write a smart chaotic presence/maybe potential villain. There, I said it. She should open a psychology book or some shit (she should've hired psychologists to coach her about writing about topics such as SA, addiction, sadistic/criminal personalities and so on, but we know she never put such thought into her work). Or at least a sensibility reader for her plot, smh. The overall tone of the show is jumping around faster than a bunny on electrolytes.

And as always, Alastor and Rosie have more chemistry than Charlie and Vaggie literally the "main" couple. They seem like a 30s married couple, tbh.

Also also super confused about Alastor's microphone and how she can hand it over to Charlie??? Why would he do that??? Are we supposed to understand he now cares about her? Handling his (presumably from the Adam fight) source of power to her just like that?? TWICE?!?

I understand his final lyrics are supposed to be "holy shit, I almost died for these people, what is wrong with me???" in a nutshell (+ that part about the contract), but we were never SHOWN how he became more attached to them??? We just have to believe him based on the talks with Rosie and Niffty respectively. What a joke. (Niffty got partially restored in my brain, at least).

-idk, Broadcast🎭 anon- (I know I DMed u, but yea)

Honestly? Even if this leak never comes true the way Viv planned it back then, I for one am having a great time speculating.

[void-imp]

Here's my Jeremy ramble, buckle up it's gonna be a long one

I was thinking about jeremy and how I feel like I haven't given him enough flaws, and I think I've figured out what to do. In the traditional, academical sense, Jeremy is not "smart". He's not dumb, far from it, but he was never the stereotypical booksmart kid who excelled in school. Math and physics are his biggest struggles, to the point he'd skip class as a teen. It was something so unlike him, someone who had been praised for being a good, dutiful kid who always did he right thing his whole life, but the fear of feeling stupid was greater than the fear of dissapointing his mom. Both, however, were ever-present. Languages were less of a hurdle, and those subjects that allowed or encouraged conversation, like social studies. Apart from having to memorize a bunch of dates, he enjoyed history too. Where he excels is when he gets to work with his hands. He's a great cook, an incredible artist, athletic, has a green thumb. These are his strengths but he's always felt like it pales in comparison to his mother's achievements. His mother, who came to the states and fought to make a life for herself here, who's incredibly clever, who went to college and became a doctor. Who raised him on her own while being a med student. He wants to live up to the expectations she has for him, to make her proud, and continously finds himself falling short. Some of this is partially resolved before Jeremy as we know him shows up in the story. On his last year of High School, he and his mother got in a fight. He'd finally gathered the courage to tell her his dreams of becoming a tattoo artist and she did not like the idea. Wanted him to go to college. Jeremy loves his mom more than anything, and defying her expectations was the scariest thing he's ever had to do. And in the same way, Alma loves her son most of everything in this world, and wanted what she thought was best for him but also wanted him to be happy. In Alma's mind Jeremy was still her baby, and the realization that he was almost fully grown up was like having a bucket of cold water emptied over her head. The little kid proudly showing off how he learned to tie his shoes was almost an adult, and was already becoming his own person. So she brokered a deal: if he tended to his studies, passed his finals and got an A in math, she would fully support him in becoming a tattoo artist. He studied hard, got help from his friends, and felt confident. When the day came, the culmination of all his hard work, the moment his hopes for the future rested on… he got a B. To say he was dissapointed would be an understatement. He was crushed. The feeling of being an utter failure was greater now than at any other point in his life. Pure dread pooled in his stomach at the thought of having to tell his mom, having to see the disappointment in her eyes. When he came home, his mom wasn't disappointed at all. She wrapped him in a hug and told him how proud she was of him, and he cried for what felt like hours. She made them a cup of tea, put on a movie, and they had a talk. She had seen his hard work and was still willing to support him, even if she would rather see him continue his education. He admitted he didn't feel fully ready, that he kinda wanted to go to community college first, and that's what he ended up doing. Now that he lives on the other side of the country, working as an apprentice at a tattoo studio, he's happy that he decided to wait those two years. He still sucks at math but he's more mature now, more grounded, and feel better suited to take on the challenges that await him now he's on his own.

[stitchlingbelle]

So I recently saw this post and decided to be completely self-indulgent and write about the two specific characters who turned me into the person I am: Belle and Honor Harrington.

Belle* is a fairly easy one to explain. I'm a brunette who grew up on Disney movies and was just old enough to be hit with a lot of "you can't be the princess, you have brown hair". I'm also a voracious reader. And then, I switched schools and became The Weird New Girl overnight.

So when a brown-haired book-reading princess who everyone thought was weird appeared on the screen, I imprinted on her like a baby duckling. Here was all the validation I craved, that I could look like me and be me and read books and still have a happy ending. I clung to that all the way through middle school, high school and into college before I finally made it out the other side (ie, found my people and some self-esteem of my own.)

Honor Harrington is a bit more complicated. I have a deep and abiding love for that book series, and have for going on fifteen years now, but Honor herself is actually not my favorite character.** I didn't see myself in her, or aspire to be her.

What I eventually realized was that I wanted to live UP to her. Every time there was a passage about Rafe or Scotty or some other junior officer doing their best for her, I wondered if that would be me. If I would be good enough, try hard enough, be clever and brave and compassionate enough, to be one of 'hers'.

There's a scene where she has a bunch of cadets over for dinner and one asks a question that reveals they've had a look at some files that are officially off-limits, but unofficially are juuuust barely accessible if you're very, very dedicated. And it's said that caring enough to find them is a mark of being 'the right stuff' in senior officers' minds. I found myself caught up in wondering, would I have found them?

And that was all fantasy to me for the first bit of the series, which is heavy on the military action, a career I have never been cut out for. In-this-alternate-universe-would-I-be-a-Jedi levels of engagement. But it nagged at me.

And then the rest of the series happens, which is increasingly political and increasingly fraught and increasingly personal, as Honor actually becomes one of the people doing the politics. And while Weber leans a lot more monarchist than democratic in the books, the necessity of participating in your politics-- and thus your government and your society-- is one of Honor's major areas of growth and a key ideal set out by her and the people around her.

And I thought, I can't be a war hero. But I can do that.

I'd always been a voter, but I became a write-to-your-senator person, and then a donate-money person, and then a protest-march person, and then a volunteer-who-specializes-in-legislation person. Slowly I became more and more the sort of person I think Honor would be proud of.

So thank you to both my girls, and the people who made them, for making me.

*The Beast, being a miserable outcast, also spoke to me pretty strongly in middle school, but it took a lot more maturity to see that later on.

**That would be Thomas Theisman. Definitely also a character to live up to, but his impact on his junior officers gets a lot less page-time. And most of his storyline revolves more around direct action than civic engagement. (God, I'd love to see a committed lefty tackle that theme in restored-Republic Haven...)

[emerald-notes]

The Astronaut, single by Jin

Note: It’s been a long time and here I am, still stuck in ‘The Astronaut’. Gonna share some personal opinion on this and I swear, I’ll shut up.

Rating - 10/10

“A life, a sparkle in your eyes, Heaven coming through, And I love you.”

Where do I even start? I feel like no matter how much I rant, my love for this song can never be expressed in words. The lyrics, the music and the mv, all of these have their own charms. I just absolutely love it.

Let’s start with its lyrics. I love the references of the cosmos used in this song. If Jin was an asteroid drifting all alone, Army was his heaven, a safe place. When Jin is in darkness, Army shines upon him like the Milky way. “You became my universe” is enough to prove how Jin dedicates his life for us and how we have become everything for him. We all know from the previous solo works of Jin that he is someone who constantly doubts himself and it is the love of the Army that brings him back from despair.

Isn’t it amazing how Jin, and all the BTS members in general, show how grateful they are to us? I am also grateful to them for making us feel loved. This song directly touches the heart. It is, in fact, the best kind of love letter one can ever wish for. It is a song that feels too personal. I feel like it was meant for me, as an individual. That’s one of the best achievements of this masterpiece.

The music video is so cute. Jin, representing an alien crashing on earth, who apparently doesn’t have any emotions. The little girl of his neighborhood plays with him often and he unconsciously grows empathy within himself. On the day his spaceship is finally leaving to go back to space, Jin realizes that it is the earth that is his true home and comes back.

Here are a lot of indications. For a start, the little girl represents Armys. If Jin was someone without dreams, the Armys made him want to dream. Just like the little girl helped him with the development of emotions. Again, though unconsciously, when the alien Jin decided to leave for good, he left his helmet with the girl so that she doesn’t hurt herself riding the bike alone without him around. As our Jin was leaving to join the military, he had left his precious song and along with it, a lot of content for the Armys to enjoy in his absence. Even the morse code for ARMY was literally tattooed on his neck in the mv. Just like the alien Jin realizing that the girl was his true home and coming back to her at the end, our Jin also promises us his coming back after serving his time in the military. Hence, I love the music video so much and I keep coming back to it time after time.

I will forever be grateful to Coldplay for accepting Jin’s request and making this song a reality. They are the sweetest souls ever. It shows how a real artist can recognize and appreciate another great artist. I love the bond between Jin and them, especially with Chris. It makes me immensely proud how far Jin has come. While he considered Coldplay as his idol in his youth, he is now collaborating with them side by side. Both of their styles of music are evident in this track. As if two beautiful melodies came together to become a better version of themselves.

I can’t talk about the Astronaut without bringing up the concert in Argentina. Here’s another reason for me to be grateful to Coldplay. They really understood the significance of this song for the Armys as a goodbye gift from Jin and that’s why they decided to have him at their personal concert. I could see the admiration in their eyes when Jin was performing. I also enjoyed the part where Chris opened his arms for Jin to run and embrace him while he sweetly kissed him on the cheek. This interaction was everything. When, both Chris and Jin were singing together to my favorite part and they couldn’t help but laugh in between, we could see Jin’s sparkling eyes so clearly. It shows how overwhelmed he was with emotion. I won’t lie about crying to that part myself.

Finally, the “I love you” part deserves its own paragraph. Would you think that it wasn’t intentional of Jin to finish his last live performance for the Armys by saying that he loves us? I think not. Jin is a genius and an absolute sweetheart for that. The reactions of the Armys at the concert was genuine. They looked so happy and sad at the same time. And I love you too, my Jinnie.

I am fully absorbed in this piece of art. It has become a part of me and I am totally obsessed with it now. I thank you, Jin, for making me feel this way. This work of yours is going to live in my heart rent free for the rest of my life.

[auspicious-manner]

Hi, could you write a bit angsty mike faist x reader where they are in relationship and reader thinks that she isn' enough pretty/fit for him, because he is a dancer and an actor? And mike comforts her about that?

i’m sorry for the slow updates, life has been so busy but i’m still around, just working at a slower pace!

this story was a hard one for me to write. not because i had writers block, but because i related deeply to some of the content in this one. i’ve struggled with body dysmorphia, overthinking, and anxiety before, and this story resonates with me and probably so many others as well. i wanted to approach it in a way that would make me feel comforted if i was actively struggling with these issues.

female reader x mike faist

warnings: anxiety, body dysmorphia, harassment from men, rude comments about body, panic attack

Perfect to Me

•

as humans, we have complex emotions and moods that sometimes seem to make zero sense whatsoever. sometimes they can be positive feelings, like love and joy. sometimes they can be negative, like jealousy and resentment. however bad or good, these emotions make us human, and are completely normal.

at least, that’s what Y/N told herself everyday. she hoped that if she kept repeating that mindset in her brain, it would start to become the truth. her mind was intricate, and her thoughts would sometimes spiral out of control. these thoughts only elevated when she met her boyfriend. all day every day, she was a conflicting mix of proud and in love, while also being down and disappointed.

Y/N couldn’t begin to find the words to describe her boyfriend, mike faist. he was everything to her. he had made a name for himself, and he was the epitome of a triple threat. she had met him shortly after he joined the cast of “dear evan hansen” on broadway, and they quickly became close. a year later, they began to date, and since they made it official two years ago, Y/N had an ongoing inner battle with herself.

mike was a star. he was the most talented person she knew. and Y/N? she didn’t think of herself as anything more than just a girl. every day, she questioned why mike chose her out of the millions of girls he could have had.

she lived with him in new york city, and worked as a paid intern at the headquarters of an up and coming fashion company. when her schedule allowed, she would visit him while on set or at a stage production of his.

one morning, she had to wake up early for a business meeting at the office, and the alarm on her smart watch woke her up at exactly six in the morning. Y/N’s eyes shot open, and she saw that mike was still fast asleep at her side. she slowly wriggled her way out of his grasp as to not wake him, stopping every few seconds to make sure he was still asleep. finally, her feet touched the cold wood below her and she peered outside her apartment window to see the sun rising above the city.

she went to the bathroom and glanced over her average features in the mirror. her once defined facial structures were starting to fall, her hips were wide, her stomach wasn’t completely flat, and her arms were looking extra big today. Y/N sighed, her feelings weighing heavily on her conscience.

she got dressed for work, putting on a tight skirt with a long sleeved blouse tucked in. she looked over herself, and saw that the fabric closely hugged her curves.

Y/N tried to sneak around mike who was still sleeping as best she could. however, when she dropped her phone on the ground in the bedroom resulting in the loudest thud possible, he shot up from bed.

“are you okay?” he asked groggily. “i heard something fall.”

Y/N frowned. “sorry mike, i just dropped my phone.”

“are you leaving?” mike asked, still squinting at her as his eyes adjusted to the morning light.

“yeah, but i’ll be back around four today.”

“okay, i’ll be home at about six. have a good day at work,” he said as Y/N walked over to the bed and leaned down to give mike a kiss.

“i’ll try. you have a good day too.”

“i love you, Y/N.”

“i love you too, mike,” she responded before leaving.

she walked out of the apartment complex and down the streets of new york to the office where she worked, which was only a few blocks away. she entered the building, being greeted by the smell of coffee, fabric, and paper. Y/N went straight to her boss’s office to collect her tasks for the day.

she knocked on his door gently before hearing a grisly “come in” from the other side. she opened it and saw her boss, named henry beauford.

beauford wasn’t known for being a kind boss. he often subjected his workers to unpaid overtime and overworking, and was unnecessarily harsh on those who worked every day to make his company grow. Y/N was afraid of him, considering one wrong move would have her blacklisted from any other fashion company in new york.

he had old, sunken eyes, and a taste for stylish suits. his hair was fading from a dull brown to a light grey, and his cheek bones remained chiseled despite his age.

beauford looked up from his desk and eyed Y/N. “good morning. i have to start our meeting in roughly…” he started, glancing at his watch. “ten minutes. go get me and anyone else here that wants coffee some coffee. i want my usual.”

Y/N nodded and quickly left the room, making her way to the coffee station on the second floor. on her way, she got four more orders to make.

she began pouring the hot coffee into cups, but was interrupted when she felt a tap on her shoulder. she turned around and saw a coworker of hers named jesse.

jesse was constantly talking to her and flirting, despite Y/N’s best attempts to shoo him away. she mentioned to him that she had a boyfriend multiple times, yet he still went after her. she was not in the mood to deal with the likes of him today.

“hey Y/N, how has your morning gone?” he asked smoothly.

“just fine, thanks jesse.”

he paused. “tomorrow night, i was going to go out to dinner with friends, but my date flaked on me. i need someone by my side for the dinner, want to come with me?” jesse asked with a smile.

“no thank you.”

“come on, i’ll pay,” he persisted.

“i said no,” Y/N said, harsher this time.

jesse’s smile fell. “i’m surprised your boyfriend hasn’t broken up with you, you aren’t necessarily all that beautiful. he could do much better, and you know it. but you’d be perfect for me. i don’t need a perfect girl.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. she knew jesse was right; mike could do so much better. however, hearing it aloud was a whole new feeling for her.

“i-i’m going to go deliver my coffees.”

she ran off, leaving jesse in the dust. she made her rounds in the office, taking her time delivering the coffees to the various employees. finally, on her last stop, she made it to beauford’s once again.

she knocked, and when the familiar “come in” sounded, Y/N entered to find beauford and jesse having a conversation. as soon as she stepped foot into the room, their eyes fell on her in a cold as ice way.

“i-is something wrong?” Y/N asked nervously, resting the cup on his desk.

beauford looked her up and down. “yes, actually. there is,” he started. jesse was smiling devilishly at the look on Y/N’s face.

“jesse brought to my attention that your outfit isn’t exactly… office appropriate,” beauford stated.

Y/N squinted her eyes. “what? this is perfectly within the dress code.”

“the clothes themselves are, but they hug your body a bit too tight. we can see all of your curves.”

Y/N looked down. she wasn’t big, but she definitely was not skinny. the curves on her stomach and hips were what she was most insecure about, and her clothes apparently highlighted the natural curvature of her body too much.

she wasn’t having any of it. “so if a skinny girl wore this outfit, it would be okay?”

“precisely. that’s why i’m going to send you home for a few days to hopefully get rid of a few of those curves.”

Y/N’s face fell from a look of anger to a look of pure horror and embarrassment. tears welled up in her eyes, and jesse sent her a sly smile. he was behind all of this because he was tired of being rejected.

at this point, her mind was completely torn on what to do. half of her wanted to fight it, give them a piece of her mind. then again, she wanted this job. it was her dream to design clothes, and this job could get her there.

Y/N gulped, trying to ignore the lump in her throat and the red on her cheeks. “okay, i’m sorry. see you in a few days.”

she turned around and walked out, holding back the tears that were trying so desperately to make an appearance.

as Y/N walked home, it felt like the streets of new york were spinning. her mind was dazed, and it felt like that until she unlocked the door to her and mike’s apartment and closed herself inside.

when she made it inside, she burst into tears. she had never felt so humiliated, torn down, and embarrassed. and the worst part was that she knew what they said was right.

Y/N ran to the bathroom and viewed herself in the mirror. her curves were very much present, and her puffy eyes added to the disillusion that she was anything less than beautiful. she continued sobbing and slid her back against the door.

her breathing was becoming irregular, and her tears slowed when she began to hyperventilate. she reached for her phone to call mike, but there was no reply.

“mike, please!” she yelled, trying it again. her heart rate quickened, and she continued gasping for air.

she tried and tried again, but stopped when she remembered that mike probably didn’t want anything to do with her. she was nothing, and he was something. he shouldn’t have to console Y/N in a moment like this.

she laid down on the floor, hoping to stop the pain in her chest and her headache. the panic attack made her feel like she needed to pass out. then, Y/N felt her body disassociate until everything went black, and she was out cold.

Y/N’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and she saw the ceiling above her. she felt the cold tile underneath her body, and she couldn’t remember why she was laying on the ground. however, she felt like she had a long, much needed nap.

she checked the time, which was five o’clock. she couldn’t believe she had slept for that long.

she knew that mike would be home in an hour. when Y/N saw a message from her boss about what day she would be coming back to work and missed calls from mike, all of what had happened in the morning came flooding back to her.

her lip quivered, and she gently cried once again. this cry wasn’t a panicked, heart-wrenching sob like her previous one was. this one was slower, more melancholic.

she sat her back against the wall and cried it out. she thought about how much she hated her appearance, and how much she felt like a disappointment compared to her boyfriend. she almost felt it’d be easier to break up with him before she got even more attached to someone she knew she shouldn’t have.

the time flew by, and before she knew it, the familiar sound of mike unlocking their apartment door came from outside the closed bathroom door. Y/N’s tears halted for a moment before continuing when she heard his footsteps.

“Y/N, i’m home,” mike announced, worry already present in his voice. Y/N tried to give a reply, but no words came out.

“Y/N? where are you? i received so many missed calls from you today.” he questioned.

finally, Y/N croaked a harsh “in here.”

the footsteps quickened, and there was a knock at the door before mike pulled open the door. he looked around and saw a hunched over Y/N pressed against the wall, still in her work clothes and eyes puffy from crying.

“oh my god Y/N, what happened?” mike asked, bending down in front of her. the concern in his voice made Y/N begin crying again. he placed his hands on her arms comfortingly.

Y/N sighed and stood up. mike stood up too, and she turned her back to him.

“what’s wrong? did i do something?” he asked, his voice getting more confused by the second.

she shook her head. “n-no. it’s not you, it’s me.”

mike frowned. “what-?”

“today at work, a male coworker of mine was fed up with me not giving him a chance. he went to my boss, and he made up a dress code rule and sent me home to lose a few pounds. all because my outfit hugged my curves too tight.”

mike turned red with anger, and his face scrunched up. “that’s it, those men can’t treat you like this. that’s ridiculous.”

mike’s face softened when he realized there was something deeper going on. “Y/N don’t let those men get to you. they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“but the thing is they’re right,” she exclaimed, mike’s heart breaking with every word. she took a pause. “they’re right. i’m not as skinny as i could be, i’m not all that pretty, and i’m boring. and you? you’re amazing. you’re doing big things and i’m just kind of… there. you can do so much better, mike. so much better. you deserve someone good.”

mike stared back at her, and Y/N swore she saw a glimmer of tears in his eyes. he stepped closer to her. “is that really what you think?”

Y/N nodded and cried harder. “yes.”

mike wrapped her in a hug, but she didn’t hug back. she loved the feeling of being close to him, but the more distant she could be, the easier it would be to break things off.

mike pulled away, his arms lingering around her. he took his hands and wiped away her tears.

“mike, i don’t want to grow more attached than i already am. you need to go find someone else, i’m holding you back,” she pleaded.

mike pressed his hands against her cheeks and tilted her head up to make her look him in the eyes.

“i fell in love with you for a reason. do you know why?”

Y/N shook her head, and mike continued. “i fell in love with you because i didn’t like the idea of being with someone just like me. i like having a humble, regular girl. you aren’t flashy, you aren’t loud, you’re simply you. and that’s enough for me.” he removed a hand and gently used his other thumb to rub her cheek.

“but i-”

“let me finish,” mike interrupted. “you’re ambitious, brave, strong, cool, smart, and so much more. you complete me and ground me more than anyone. you keep me sane in the busiest of times. you help me so much more than you’d ever know. i need you, Y/N.”

“are you sure?” she asked innocently.

mike smiled. “i’ve always been sure. you’re perfect in my eyes, sweetheart, and i’ve always known you’re the one for me. you’re beautiful inside and out.”

“who told you i was perfect?” she asked, a small smile on her lips.

“no one had to tell me. you just are.”

Y/N leaned her head into his chest and cried some more. mike rested his hand behind her head, and wrapped the other one around her back.

she sniffled. “i’m sorry.”

“for what? you have nothing to apologize for,” mike consoled.

“i’m sorry for being obnoxious about this. today just sucked, really bad.”

“it’s my job as your boyfriend to keep you happy, safe, and comfortable. i would do this for you at any time,” he said quietly, trying not to cry in response to Y/N’s endless tears.

they stayed in their hug in the bathroom until Y/N calmed down. for her, she needed this love, and she couldn’t fathom the thought of breaking things off with him anymore. he was her rock.

[land-of-sinners]

You know what fuck it, I’m going to make an entire post talking about this for a second cause I like dissecting my own characters;

Serenity’s entire character arc is all about reclaiming her independence and becoming her own woman, one that’s worthy of recognition for her accomplishments without being associated with someone else; her father’s daughter, Vox’s errand girl, the Princess’s charity case, the Radio Demon’s girlfriend, and so on and so forth.

Obviously she rejects the first two examples of this; her father didn’t make her who she is, she became the kind of person she is despite her father. And Vox did technically help her when she first dropped into Hell, but Serenity made her own business from the ground up. Yes he gave her the idea, but she’s the one that made it a reality. But everyone still associates her with Vox because of how often he employs her service since she’s freelance and rejected his original contract.

Now the last two are complicated because they’re people that Serenity actually cares about and likes. Serenity is far more vocal than other people about her active participation at the hotel, almost like she’s proud to be under Charlie’s wing and working her way to redemption. But with how cynical Hell’s populous is, seeing it as no more than a joke, the term “charity case” got thrown around a lot mostly in news outlets about the hotel and the “poor sinners” hosted under the Princess’s care. This led to a degrading view of Serenity’s participation, framing it as her being completely dependent on Charlie’s help, almost like a leech. Serenity obviously doesn’t take well to that and grew a more “I could take care of myself before, I could take care of myself if the hotel fails too” mentality, still appreciating Charlie’s help but also feels it to be a bit overbearing.

And then there’s her entire relationship with Alastor. The Radio Demon. One of the most powerful and recognized Overlords who dropped into Hell.

Now unlike the others, Serenity pretty much expected the kind of reputation she would get even before becoming official with him. She already anticipated how the general public would react, which if anything is why she was hesitant in the first place. Not only did she have to be weary of Alastor’s true intentions to protect herself, but after accepting, she also had to be prepared for the inevitable association people would have when regarding her relationship. Getting to a point where her own name was hardly ever used, being seen as another one of Alastor’s associates at best, or property he owned at worst. Mind you it does partially benefit Serenity, being known as someone not to be fucked with less they attract the wrath of the Radio Demon himself. But that’s never been the point to Serenity, she never wanted to be feared, she never wanted to be famous. She wanted her own fucking name to be spoken!

Now going all the way back to the second post I referenced with the tags; this problem only gets worse when Alastor decides to propose to Serenity, and she immediately gets fucking terrified not because she doesn’t love or isn’t committed to him. But she knows that it would be next to impossible to reclaim any independence once she became “the Radio Demon’s wife”. (But again I am writing a whole fic for this concept so to avoid spoiling or rehashing too much, I’ll summarize it). TLDR; Alastor agrees to be patient with her now knowing what she needs in order to feel secure, and Serenity finally decides to make a name for herself in Hell’s hierarchy. Which we find later down the line, will finally come in the form of Serenity getting redeemed and choosing to stay in Hell as an ‘angelic sinner’. Now with the power and status to receive notoriety from Hell’s general public, Serenity finally felt secure enough to accept Alastor’s proposal. Couple that with Charlie handing over the hotel and its mission onto Serenity as a sort of engagement gift, deciding to focus her efforts more on preparing herself to rule Hell alongside Vaggie.

[annoyinglandmagazine]

My female Maedhros headcanons

I think I’m going to leave the names as they are because they already sound androgynous enough to me. She’s the sort of person who walks into a room and everyone starts deferring to her. She’s insanely beautiful but it’s more the way she carries herself than anything else. She’d probably wear the Valinor equivalent of stilettos and maintain perfect balance. She rarely raises her voice but she doesn’t need to. Her tone stays perfectly pleasant throughout all her discussions and it’s even more intimidating than her father at his angriest. When she’s talking or delivering a speech her word is final and she always comes across as the most reasonable person in the room no matter what point she’s making.

She’s obviously still about a foot taller than most other people and I’d say she probably has quite a slender build but is a lot stronger than she looks. She’s pretty practical about most things wearing simple tunics and training gear most of the time with her hair simply braided back from her face. Many people wish to court her but she’s usually too intimidatingly out of peoples league to even approach. It doesn’t help matters that she could definitely kick the asses of pretty much anyone in a sparring match. Despite this it’s practically a coming of age among the ellyns of valinor to go through a few years of being a blushing mess every time she’s brought up and she’s caused more than a few sexuality crises among everyone else. Another possible factor is something only her cousins and sisters have put together. They notice that after some of her sparring matches with other women she appears a little more flushed than expected from exertion, even for a redheads complexion. They see her gaze drop below eye level at banquets during the years where low cut bodices were in fashion. A hand lingering a little too long during an exchange of wine glasses. A slight stutter in response that would have been imperceptible if she hadn’t been so exceptional at thinking on her feet. Her family is the most important thing in the world to her. She worked on her diplomacy from a young age because she recognised father’s faults and knew that he would alienate everyone if he didn’t have anyone helping him. He is still the only person she has trouble disagreeing with as she doesn’t want any more conflict in her family and believes that it is her responsibility to make sure her sisters are looked after.

She spends a lot of her time keeping tabs on her younger siblings and they all feel like they can rely on her more than either of their parents. She keeps entire control of her actions at all times and feels like she can rarely show her true emotions even to her family out of a need to be a perfect daughter and not cause her parents anymore worry.

Feanor has always made a point of telling her that she can excel in whatever area she chooses no matter what people expect of her. He ensures she can compete in all the combat tournaments she wants and advocates for her place in the succession. He is very proud of her and loves her but never considers that she might be struggling as he believes she is as invulnerable as she pretends.

When the crown is passed to her after her father’s death no one raises a fuss about her being the first high queen as everyone feels safer with her in charge whether they’ll admit it or not. After Thangoridrim it effects everyone’s morale more than they’ll admit to see her show weakness even for a second as she had always seemed like the strongest among them. She had never experienced the sensation of absolute powerlessness before and inability to do anything to help her family and vows never to let it happen again.

She’s been respected and feared her whole life but as the years go on the fear becomes greater than anything else. She always had an edge but after Thangoridrim she strips away any softness that she grew to see as weakness and became colder and more distant as she loses more and more of her family from what she perceives as her own failures.

[doctorinblue]

Metal Wings (and Borrowed Dreams)

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Current Status: Ongoing Length: Approx. 3.5k 

Warnings: Rated T (angst and mentions of death)

Summary: Jaxson Smith is an out-of-touch inventor, spending most days locked up in her little shop, trying to make a difference in a world she's never felt like she belonged. 

Yasmin Khan has suddenly found herself fatherless and adrift, with only a mind full of memories, a clockwork bird named Ducky, and a final request from her father - find its inventor.

When their paths converge, everything changes.

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╭──────────.★..─╮

            JAX

╰─..★.──────────╯

Jax awoke to the sound of gears. 

She often did, phantom clicks haunting her around the edges of consciousness, even though her work had long ago moved beyond an audible accompaniment of motion. 

It was a holdover, she reminded herself, of days that were darker and brighter at once - memories of a stern man, with sterner hands, a table, and the first time little fingers had touched parts and created machine. 

It had been so many years since then. Her father was long gone, and her shop twice moved. And she'd left behind (was still leaving behind) those shackles and had made a piecemeal life for herself with the scraps her childhood had left her. 

Groaning, Jax threw the thin blanket off her, a bead of sweat rolling over her temple and into her already damp hair. A nightmare, then. That explained the extra helping of morose this morning and the volume in her mind being turned up that extra notch. 

Her fingers hooked the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up to wipe her brow dry before she let it flutter back down. Shoving her palm against the give of the mattress, she pushed herself upright. 

In the scattered morning light - provided by the partially opened window above her bed- she took a moment to look around her small room at the back of her shop. Though, if she were being honest, the professional side of her life had been steadily creeping into the personal - sunlight gleaming off parts here and there, though they were scattered on nearly every usable service at this point. 

It was only temporary, she reminded herself as she stood, heading for the corner of the now-stained advertisement that was half-buried under a half-finished prototype. Dropping her fingers onto it, she tugged until the writing became visible. 

The Grand Exhibition. 

If she could win, her whole life would change, and for the better this once. The prize money would be enough to buy a proper shop where everything fit into the front, and so much more importantly, it would enable her to accomplish her much larger goals as well. 

But the first due date for that half-finished prototype was only weeks ago, and she was sure she'd never been as busy as she had this last month - orders pouring in from the time she opened her doors to the time she closed them again. 

Jax loved busy, but in the quiet moments, when the sun had gone down and the customers were gone, when it was her and her would-be creations sharing a dining table, she couldn't help but wonder if the universe might be telling her not to pursue this. 

Unfortunately for the universe, she'd never been one for listening. 

Jax took a step away from the paper, drawing her fingers up and spinning away. 

She had too much to do to keep getting lost in her head. 

Aiming for the fireplace, she used the poker to stir life into the embers, then grabbed a log, dropped it on, and waited until it took hold before repeating it once more. 

It was, of course, practicality rather than need - it was cold, even if she wasn't.

An almost smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

Bill would be proud of her for taking care of herself, if Jax were ever willing to admit to such a thing. 

She leaned over the bed, shutting the window the rest of the way and changing into her normal work clothes. Ignoring the grumble in her stomach, she grabbed her goggles and headed for the front room, shutting the feeble excuse for a partition behind her, and flipping on the lights. 

She already had a list of today's work, and it was only minutes until she was expected to open the shop and accept more. She was ever thankful for the constant stream of customers, but as her eyes jumped to the corner, to the 'thing' covered with her blanket, her heart ached for time to create for desire rather than necessity. 

She glanced at her self-made timepiece on the corner of her counter -five minutes to seven-  and then dropped down onto the stool behind it, dragging last night's almost finished work back in front of her. 

Tugging her goggles down onto her face, she flipped the metal up on its back end and ran her fingertips along the fingers of the mechanical hand. Reaching up, she flipped the setting on the goggles, another glass falling into place, and, with a small sigh, she stretched to retrieve her tools.

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"Breakfast," Bill said, as she stepped into the shop, closing the door behind her, cutting off the chill that was creeping in at her heels. 

Jax pushed her goggles up onto her hair to take in her friend - Acquaintance? She didn't know, really. It was a discussion that had never been discussed, and she remained ever fuzzy on the rules governing when one became the other - and found her to be holding a steaming bowl in front of her like a peace offering. 

There was no need. They were always at peace, however tentative it might be. 

She dug for a smile, and tried to remind herself that Bill's arrival, especially accompanied by food, was worth the muscle's effort, but she came up short and gave up, setting her face into as neutral of an expression as she could manage.

(A darkness had settled in her chest some months ago, spreading out tendrils of apathy and agony, winding around her every part, coiling in her chest like a snake always prepared to strike, until she'd become a walking contradiction, too much and nothing stored in the same weary body.)

Fortunately, she'd had a lifetime of practice at pretending to be okay. 

"I think you know the answer to that," Jax said. 

Bill nodded and crossed the gap between them, the brighter lights behind Jax's workspace causing a gleam off her metals as she did so. 

Her uniform was, as always, pressed into tight creases, even if her tie wasn't standard regulation.  It was a whisper at the rebel (one that Jax would like to draw out if she ever found enough words to do it) that must be hidden beneath the more public image of a decorated war hero turned airship captain. 

"Of course I do," Bill agreed, sliding the bowl into the space next to the still hopping bird Jax had been fiddling with.  "Another bird? What's it this time?"

"Bluebird," Jax said, feeling embarrassed by the click of metal feet on her wooden counter (the design was too popular to not recreate and have on hand for last-minute gift ideas). She snapped her hand out, curling her fingers around the bird, pressing its wings tight into its body and feeling it go still beneath her palm. "Thanks for the food, really."

Bill nodded, and took a small step back, leaving Jax to pull the bowl in closer. Her stomach growled as the smell reached her at last, and she looked down to find the now familiar meal - a generous helping of cooked oats, and a scattering of winter berries. 

She took a bite, found it honey-sweetened to her liking, the berries plump and bursting between her teeth and she chewed, watching Bill look around the place. She did it every day, the same slow path as if she were searching for something, but never finding it, only to try again the following morning. 

Jax knew she should ask, but she never did. Instead, she followed her part in the routine, eating in the silence, watching her take in her fill, until at last, she seemed to catch herself.

This time, though, Bill varied, just enough to make Jax's skin prickle as her eyes landed on the blanket pile. 

They lay there heavy for a moment, but Jax saw no judgment in them, and it helped to relax the anxiety growing in her stomach.

Bill was the only other person on the planet who knew about the project at all, and only then because she'd seen the flier, and while she didn't think Bill was much more apt about reaching across divides, she'd done it that morning. She'd taken precious moments (had to have ended up late to work) asking about the entry, dubbing the project 'the thing' and then fading out again, leaving Jax with a mind full of ideas, and something closer to hope to chase darkness from her chest. 

(Not that it had lasted.)

"How's the 'thing' going?" Bill asked, looking Jax over. 

"It's not, not really," Jax said, after swallowing the last bite. "Haven't had more than a minute or two of time at…well, at a time."

"Shame," Bill said, tapping her fingers on the counter. Thump-thump. Thump- thump. It sent a chill up Jax's spine, and made her want to ask her to stop, but she swallowed the words and watched her shift backward, arm drifting back down her side. "I better get going, travelers won't wait. I'll get the bowl tomorrow."

"Right," Jax said, watching her head for the door. "I- safe travels."

Bill glanced back at her and smiled, and a spark of hope flared in Jax. Maybe she was getting better at this friendship thing. 

Bill stepped out into the cold morning air, her breath visible in front of her as she worked the buttons on her coat closed again. She leaned back across the threshold. 

"Wash the bowl this time, Jax," she said, giving her another smile. "See you tomorrow. Work on the thing if you get the chance."

Jax watched her go, almost managing a smile and, for the few minutes it'd last, the dark had lost some depth. 

╭──────────.★..─╮

            YAZ

╰─..★.──────────╯

Yaz stood beside the grave, the rain (appropriate for such a sullen occasion) muddying up the ground around her boots so rapidly she could feel herself sinking into it by increments. She should move, several hands - she'd been unable to tear her eyes off the dark stone long enough to ascertain their owners - had already touched her elbow, suggesting in gentle and low voices that it was time to move out and move on. 

They were right of course, there was nothing left of the man she'd called father but memories and bones. She should leave. She should also unfurl her hand from around the metal bird she'd tucked up to her chest, as much for comfort as for its preservation, (rain would surely get into its gears if given half a chance) as the ridge of its wing had been digging into her palm for at least an hour now. 

The almost pain had also felt appropriate though, because if her heart was breaking, why shouldn't her body be an echo - however small of one? 

Yaz dipped the umbrella back to take another peek at the sky. It was exactly as she'd found it the last time, the clouds low and dark, knitted together tightly, offering no signs of any imminent reprieve from the downpour. With a sigh, she wiggled her foot loose from the mud with a sickening squelch, and then the other, turning and walking away from the stone, her father, for the final time. 

Ryan had slipped off, somewhere after amen, leaving her to her too-long rumination. He didn't leave though, she was certain, even before she crested the hill to spot his form by the carriage, only him and the hired driver waiting her grief out. 

She worked her way down the hill, avoiding the slashes of uprooted grass and exposed mud where feet had already slipped, until he was fully visible. He looked miserable, water dripping onto his left half, further darkening his black suit - a snapshot of mourning pressed up against the black carriage - where the awnings reach was not quite long enough. 

He didn't complain, wouldn't complain. Instead, he gave her a soft and understanding smile, before reaching forward and grabbing the latch and pulling the door open. She could feel the heat, dumping out over her, rolling a shiver over her half-frozen frame. Ryan sidestepped the door, holding his hand out, offering her help. 

Words, harsh and unwarranted (born from having her heart ripped open twice in as many years) touched her lips. She forced them away, swallowed around bitterness burning at the back of her tongue, and gave his hand a gentle brush to the side. He dropped it at once, allowing her a moment to close her umbrella. Shifting Ducky (the name her father had given the bird, despite the fact that it was very much a robin) she dropped a muddy boot onto the step, hooked now wet fingers into the interior and pulled herself up onto it. 

Yaz dipped into the warm and dry interior, dropping onto the thin cushion covering the bench seat and wiggling until her arm was pressed into the far wall. 

Ryan climbed up a moment later, closing the door after him, hushing the sound of the storm by half. 

Yaz watched him settle onto the seat, reaching up to brush wet hair away from her face - she'd started out the day with a tidy braid, but time and weather had loosened it strand by strand until she was sure none of her hard work was still visible. 

"Ready?" Ryan asked after another moment, his voice too calm, too soft around the edges, like he was afraid that this was the blow that would shatter her. 

She nodded, and he reached out, flipping the switch that would signal the driver that they were ready, at least, to head back to her now empty manor. 

"I'm fine, you know," Yaz said, after listening to the pattering of the rain against the carriage roof. She reached out, sliding the shutter away from the window to watch the streets pass by, counting the turns until she had to face reality alone. 

"Didn't say you weren't," Ryan said. His eyes were on her, she could tell even without taking her eyes off the window. "But if you weren't -"

"I am, though," Yaz insisted. 

Her fingers tightened around Ducky again, and she'd have to dry him well once she'd stepped back inside. It was something to do, a welcome task in a sudden void of them, and it helped to hold back the panic breathing hot against her neck. 

"Yaz," he said. "You can talk to me, you know?"

She did. She should, even. He was her oldest friend, growing up just down the road since their births. They'd seen each other through parents' deaths - he was left with just his grandad at this point - and first loves (his, not hers) through the brightest of days and the deepest of darks, but the words were hollow, far away, and she chose not to throw herself into the pit to spare Ryan a bit of worry. 

She'd get there, but it wasn't today. 

"I know," she said, as the carriage drew to a stop. She glanced at Ryan, fought back the urge to tell him to burn the suit - what more was there left to lose?- and instead forced a smile. "I'm going to go get Ducky dry before his parts rust. Dad would never forgive me…I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, then shook his head. "Wait, Yaz. Do you want me to stay the night? Maybe alone isn't the best place to be right now? Or you could come over? Grandad would be happy to have you."

She shook her head, and reached out, flipping the latch, pushing the door open wide into the street. The rain sounded louder now, making her ears ache with its ferocity, and she tried not to visibly wince. 

She was too close to freedom to buckle now. 

"I'm fine," she said, again. "Will you take care of the driver? The carriage?"

"Course I will, Yaz," he breathed out. "Always. See you tomorrow. Be- be safe?"

The words felt like an ice pick to her heart, and she gave him a final smile, before stepping down into a puddle. She rounded the back of the carriage, past the iron gate between the road and their garden, and then she pushed into the darkness of her entryway. 

Closing the door behind her, she dropped back against it, drops of water hitting the hardwood floors. Drip. Drip. Then faster, until she knew that she needed to move, could hear her mother's voice in her head telling her not to ruin the wood just because she was caught in something so trivial as feelings. 

A growl rumbled in her chest, and she tipped the umbrella away from her, letting it clatter to a stop. Then, in an act that was as much spite as it was an unavoidable collapse, her rain-soaked body slid down the door and landed in a heap of sadness and fabric. 

A sob broke off her lips, then another, the tears coming at last, years' worth of emotions breaking over her with no signs of stopping now that the gates had been opened. 

.•°☆.⋆｡⋆☆•˚｡⋆｡˚•☆˚｡⋆.☆•°.⋆

She'd stayed on the floor until she was shivering, until gasps had been bartered for hiccups, and then silence. She'd looked down the long hall, dark and empty, and did what she was always going to do. 

She rose. 

She cleaned up, leaving Ducky on the table in the sitting room, turning on lights, wiping up puddles, heating and food, and movement and movement until the rooms were warm and bright, and she was almost human again. 

She grabbed the small tool set, settled at the table, turned the lamp behind her to a higher setting, and started to take the bird apart. 

She'd done it at least a dozen times before now, so she was well versed. At first, it had been because she was younger and curious, and it was a marvel. Then because it was old, and she'd slipped new gears in, while her father slept, returning it to his bedside by dawn. 

She dried each piece and closed it back up with the closest thing to a real smile she'd managed in the last few days. 

She studied it, reaching out and tilting it. 

She had to do it, she realized. 

She'd brushed it off as nothing, the fevered ramblings of a dying man. 

But his eyes had gone lucid, his voice clear, and thinking of his love for the bird, the way his hand had grasped hers like he was giving her a gift too large to fathom, was not so easy to ignore. 

Find the inventor. 

Yaz let out a breath, pushing herself back from the chair. She was too tired to make any choices, for better or worse right now. She'd consider it again in the morning. 

She started out of the room, then paused, heading back for Ducky, scooping him up, and heading to bed. 

.•°☆.⋆｡⋆☆•˚｡⋆｡˚•☆˚｡⋆.☆•°.⋆

She'd slipped out at dawn, the sky clear, a splash of pink at its border. She'd grabbed only Ducky, a bag of coins, and the last known address for the unknown inventor. They hadn't been there, at that first shop, and Yaz had swallowed her disappointment alongside the bun from the corner shop, and started out again, chasing a lead from the new shop owner, hoping that it might not prove fruitless. 

Each step, though, to success or failure, felt like progress. It felt like throwing off weights, leaving more of them behind with each street between her and home. As she dipped into the next shop - also a bust, but with another lead - she felt better than she had in months. 

She was on an adventure. For the first time in years, she didn't know what her day might contain. She looked at the crudely drawn map from the last shop owner, took a left, and ran her eyes down the rows of signs lining the street. 

Her heart leaped into her throat. 

She'd expected to come away empty-handed and had been fine with that because at least she'd forgotten for a few hours, but there it was, two doors down. 

Smith's. 

She swallowed around the beat, and took a few steps closer, until she could stare at the blue front door, the large single window offering a peek at shelves, lined with creations, and Yaz went fuzzy at the edges. She wanted to learn them, to touch them, to stand in awe. 

Maybe that was why her father had sent her. 

She saw movement, and a moment later a person - a woman, she thought- moved past the window at a rapid pace, pulling something from the shelf, and by again, apparently not noticing the woman standing on the sidewalk for the last several minutes. 

Yaz drew in a breath, looked at the sign again, and then nodded to herself. She stepped up to the door, dropping her hand against the handle. She gathered all the courage that might still exist within her, and she turned the handle, pushed it open, and stepped into the shop, hope flickering back to life within her chest. 

[manasurge]

Faolain

Status: Mentor; Rival (with benefits)/lover; “Possessor”; It’s Complicated…; Faolain wasn’t always the same person we know her as today, however glimpses of her unhinged personality still showed up even in her early years, seeping through the cracks as her nature allowed it. Faolain and Caithe were already lovers by this time, with Mourynn still trapped in the Dream for her year long span before awakening. Upon learning that both Caithe and Mourynn shared the same dream and a linked Wyld Hunt (and also with Caithe being sent in specifically to bring her out of the Dream voluntarily), saying that Faolain was a bit jealous is an understatement (especially considering how obsessive and possessive she can be).

Fortunately for her, Mourynn was much too weak and sickly after awakening to even think about leaving the Grove, let alone their Wyld Hunt, putting Faolain in a much more advantageous situation where she was able to pull the strings of control over them both. Faolain and Caithe were still exploring the world of Tyria outside the Grove at this time while Mourynn was under the care and supervision of the other Firstborn (and with Wynne especially, seeing as how she already knew about Mordremoth and was the first of the Nightblooms to awaken, and she could sense something of that influence over Mourynn, in addition to her also being the youngest of the Nightblooms). _____

Once Mourynn was able to recover and build up enough strength to be her own person, signs of her chaos magic took form but became unstable, including illusions that she couldn’t control. This was the perfect opportunity for Faolain to step in. Being a Mesmer herself and the only other person in the Grove that could possibly make any influence in this situation, volunteered herself to be Mourynn’s Mentor. Mourynn of course, objected at first, insisting that she could figure it out herself and get things under control. As you would imagine, time and time again, she failed to actually show any progress in harnessing her Mesmer magic properly, resulting in a particularly terrifying episode of an especially frightening nightmare of hers creating nightmarish illusions that wreaked havoc on the rest of the Grove while she was asleep.

This of course, was the last straw for the rest of the Firstborn, seeing as her illusions could pose as a potential threat, although they didn’t reprimand her, simply encouraged her to seek the extra help Faolain offered. Mourynn, of course, felt horribly guilty and humiliated by this event, was shaken by the experience itself, and her self-esteem was already fragile at best, making this experience one that crushed any pseudo-confidence she might’ve had before. Faolain had already been insisting and pestering Mourynn about being her Mentor to help her with her Mesmerism for some time before this, and she did eventually break through Mourynn’s stubborn resolve, making her finally cave and begrudgingly agree to the apprenticeship. _____

With everything going according to plan, Faolain was pleased and proud, her confidence and ego receiving that extra little boost as she watched things go her way. It felt good, and even more so, experiencing her first instance of having authority over another person, having someone “lesser” than her that she had control of, and someone who had made an agreement to listen to her every word. Something sparked in her, something that would lead her down an even darker road in the future. However, she was going to enjoy and savour what she had in the moment, using this time to flex her manipulative tactics, to toy with the Late Bloomer like she was her little plaything, and was now in the position to be smack dab in the middle of both Caithe and Mourynn… exactly where she wanted to be.

Despite Faolain’s ulterior motives, she still did her part to train Mourynn to be a proper Mesmer. It’s just that her approach and methods were a little… questionable at best. She was one part sharp like a barb and serious, with high expectations for Mourynn to do everything right, and another part soft and irresistible… wooing Mourynn in with rewards for her efforts if she obeyed, tugging at her emotions, and indulging in the rewards herself as well. Realistically, she just enjoyed watching her reactions, watching her squirm and get flustered, watching her try to hide her fear, and watching her become angry and lash out. It was all in good fun to Faolain. _____

While she used to be adverse to Mourynn’s existence interfering between her and Caithe, she now saw her in a new light and decided to take claim to her as well. Mourynn wasn’t a threat to her and never would be, Faolain was stronger and more dominant, and she had nothing to worry about. Mourynn was simply her cute little pet now. A side piece, if you will.

Faolain didn’t always call upon Mourynn for Mesmer training alone, often calling upon her for selfish reasons too, reasons that Mourynn found herself indulging in as well, becoming addicted to the attention and affection Faolain gave her that no one else did and they became lovers in secret, even if Mourynn didn’t fully comprehend this at the time. Faolain could taste her desperation and savoured in it, stealing Mourynn’s first kiss so there would be no chance that it would ever be from Caithe. She had them both wrapped around her little finger and became possessive of them both. She could also use Mourynn’s secret affair wth her as a means of blackmail that she would tell Caithe if Mourynn ever stepped out of line.

The training the two of them did was done alone without Caithe there. Faolain wanted to keep Mourynn as far away from her as possible, taking advantage of her position to keep them apart, and enjoyed being the new center of both of their worlds. Faolain knew Mourynn was a little jealous and saddened whenever the two of them went out on their adventures outside the Grove, and she knew how anxious and eager Caithe felt deep down being unable to rendezvous with Mourynn and connect to partake in their Wyld Hunt, but Faolain also knew how much Caithe loved her, using her own love to keep her within arms reach and away from her destiny. _____

Eventually though things changed, Faolain became Grand Duchess of the Nightmare Court, still pursuing Caithe to join her, stalking her, and did so with Mourynn as well. She was obviously no longer her Mentor at this time, but they had never officially broke it off, which Faolain took every opportunity to remind her of. Faolain had another reason she wanted to take Mourynn into the court as well: her illusions. After witnessing what destructive things she could do as she dreamt in nightmare, and the unusual fascinating abnormality of the third eye she possessed where they were released from, she wanted to harness this for the Court. If she could keep Mourynn in an extended slumber while in nightmare, her illusions would be a perfect asset to the Court. However this never came to fruition and failed quite early, but Faolain was stubborn and tried a few other tactics to get Caithe and Mourynn to join her, but was never successful.

Faolain’s influence and emotional damage to Caithe and Mourynn was a trauma that lingered until the events of Mordremoth’s awakening. After a long time of avoiding the subject, the two of them were finally able to have a heart to heart about it, talking about the things they had to keep secret regarding their relationship with Faolain, and helped each other see the other side of the experience. They confided in the events about Wynne’s death, about Mourynn’s insecurities regarding her abnormalities, about their fears and desires and everything else. This took place during their fight for survival both after Caithe took the egg and after Mourynn underwent Metamorphosis into her Jungle Dragon form. Neither of them were trusted and they couldn’t tell friend from foe (and lots of friends became foes), and especially with Mordremoth, they had to rely on each other and felt stronger the more they grew their connection, ensuring neither of them would turn. _____

The end of the Faolain era happened with Vinetooth Faolain, with the fight between the three of them on the spine of Mordremoth. It was harsh, raw, emotional. Everything was out in the open and worse than it ever could be. Since both Mourynn and Caithe were able to have their heart to heart, their deeper connection protected them from the visceral jabs that Faolain threw at them. In the end, Faolain’s death came at the hands of them both. Caithe was able to get Faolain in the right position, Mourynn embraced the Scion and fought her tooth and nail, now that they were matched in size. The two of them fell down the spine of Mordremoth and Mourynn sustained serious injuries from both the spine itself and from Faolain’s claws.

Mourynn dragged Faolain down deep into the whirlpool at the bottom of the spine, where she discovered she had an unexpected advantage. However Faolain almost won and nearly killed her, and would have too if they hadn't fallen into the water where Mourynn was able to impale her into one of the winding spikes along the spine; the action reminding her of what Caithe had to do to Wynne. This was the first time she had ever killed another Firstborn (not like this is a common occurence or anything), and she felt the tinge of terror and regret, despite the type of person Faolain was and what they put them through. She had returned to her normal state at this point, back to Sylvari, but did not like the feeling of doing that to Faolain. Despite how much she hated her for everything she did, a part of her still grieved for her (her connections to the other Firstborn run deep), especially considering they were both once close as well. _____

This fight still haunts Mourynn to present day, the memory fresh in her mind, repeating itself as a nightmare when she sleeps (one of her many nightmares). She knew it had to be done, but still wishes things didn’t have to be this way. She didn’t like her kindred to die, and with every death of the Firstborn, her heart grew heavier. She never got over Faolain’s death, but is glad they were able to move on from this chapter in their lives. . <- BACK

[dreamkidddream]

Hey there, may I have a Nobara x reader for the event, please? With prompt 25. Secret billionaire?

My last request for the 800 follower special 🤧 it feels surreal to finally finish this after so long and to have reached 1.6k in the meantime 🥹 thank you everyone for the support as always and reader is gender neutral! 💜

Note: modern day AU, aged up

Dream’s 800 Follower Special 📖

“Nobara- again?”

“What? You can’t tell me this wouldn’t be cute on you!”

“But look at how expensive it is-“

“Which won’t be a problem for me.” Nobara threw the outfit on top of the growing pile in your arms. “Don’t you trust me?” She pouted.

“The puppy eyes won’t work on me.” This time.

“It was worth a shot.” Nobara shrugged her shoulders, already reaching the counter with the mountain of clothes. “But we’re still buying it.”

Even after all these years, Nobara’s shopping habit never changed- if anything it grew more. You haven’t seen her since you left the village, so bumping into her on a random trip to the cafe, it felt like it was fate.

She was still the same rambunctious girl that you fell for.

But there were some things you questioned.

Your parents always told you that it was rude to ask people how they got their money- unless they told you obviously- but you really wanted to ask her. She was obviously doing better for herself- skin glowing, bright smile, carefree attitude. This image was different from the teary eyed one you were left with, the promise to reunite fading away with time- but reignited with your reunion once again.

She made a career for herself, and you’re beyond proud of her, but made a career doing what? Whatever it was, it was enough to support her love of shopping and give you gifts. And man, were they expensive.

But maybe after leaving the village, she saved up a lot? It would be kinda surprising with how much she splurges, but you’re also older now- people do change after all.

But the matching bracelets she bought you had to cost at least 6 months of rent. Add that with the new outfits, the meals together- you felt bad, honestly. Nobara’s a hard worker, and she works to get what she wants- you don’t want to leech off of her.

“Dummy- who said you’re leeching?” She flicked your forehead. “I’m doing this cause I want to.”

“But still-“

“You’re not using me (Y/N), so don’t even say it.” Nobara’s eyes never left you as she reached for your hand. “I just wanna make up for lost time, alright?”

Your eyes could be deceiving you, but you swear the tips of her eyes were turning red. But you couldn’t help but smile and squeeze her hand in return. You did have a lot to make up for.

There would be some moments where you would pay, and she wouldn’t mind- it kinda became like a contest of who could whip out their card the fastest. It became a running thing between you, and it reminded you of your time back in the village together.

You couldn’t afford everything that she could, but she still squealed and tackled you every time you bought her a small gift.

Everything all started to make sense when she invited you over to her apartment, wanting to talk in person about something- she didn’t go into much detail. When she gave you the address, you were expecting a rather basic apartment-

Not a pent house!

You don’t think your mouth could have dropped any faster at the sight- you felt blinded by how lavish it was. You felt like you were on a set of a movie, gazing down at the string of city lights across the sky. Was this real life?

And everything finally clicked when you sat down on her balcony together, glancing at a magazine thrown across the table, seeing Nobara’s figure on the cover of Jujutsu Tech-

…wait a second.

Jujutsu Tech? The Jujutsu Tech? One of the most famous businesses in Japan and international wise?

“You work for Jujutsu Tech?!”

“I’m…one of the board members. When I left home, it was because I got a job offer from one of the CEOs.” The CEO?!

Your brain was overloading at this point.

“But that wasn’t what I wanted to take to you about.” There has rarely been a moment where you would ever see Nobara Kugisaki’s guard let down. To see her walls crumbling like this had you worried, but in a weird sense relieved that she felt comfort around you to do so.

“Look, I have to move.”

And then that shattered what little relief you did have.

“What? Why? Is everything-“

“Yeah, everything’s fine. That prick Gojo just wants to cause more problems for me.” Nobara cursed under her breath.

You’re still trying to take everything in, but your heart is throbbing from her words. It seemed as if you just got her back, and now you’re going to lose her again?

Sure, you can always video chat and do late night calls, but it’s not going to be the same. You won’t be able to see her smile in person, or to have her pull you along to the nearest mall. You’ll be separated again, and who knows if you’ll ever be able to be together again?

“But- I told him I’m not going unless you’re going with me!”

“W-what? Wait…are you asking-“

“I promised we’ll be together in Tokyo one day right?” Her smile was soft, and there were no doubt in her words.

To move in with Nobara, to Tokyo of all places? The very place you promised to reunited all those years ago- was it really going to come true?

“There’s no way I’m going without you. And if anyone has a problem, they can-“

Now you were the one doing the tackling, hugging her tight, cackling and squealing in her chest. “Of course I’ll go with you! Ahh there’s so much we have to do- wait I have to pack! And tell my boss, and my landlord- I can’t believe this is really happening!”

As you started to ramble on excitedly about the new change, Nobara couldn’t contain her own as she laughed and squeezed you back- she couldn’t wait for your new future together.

“Tokyo here we come!”

[tres-fidelis]

Self: How is your OC's relationship with themself? Does your OC like who they are? Is there anything about themself that they would change? // for Jayden

oc asks: relationships edition

((It's...complicated...

Because for years due to her father's abuse, she believed she truly was some disgusting, imperfect, and inferior person. Her unnatural eye coloration definitely was a big sore spot when it came to socially interacting with others while she was in school, and to this day she's still quite self-conscious about people staring at her for too long. She knows they're looking right at it, and she knows that's the first feature anyone will notice about her.

For the most part, she doesn't like herself in a physical sense, and it's been like that since she was a kid. Her father hated her existence. He made it quite clear how much he wanted a son more than a daughter, and about how he'd need to spend more of his personal time to mold Jayden into the 'offspring' worthy enough to carry on his legacy. So for years and years of her childhood, she spent it trying to appease him. She wanted so so badly to be recognized as his daughter, for him to be proud of her for once, or to be impressed by her grades or her hard work, but it never happened. He always wanted more, wanted better results, and of course....wish she could have been a son.

Now in her adult years, and since her dad is out of the picture, she is starting to make her own decisions on her appearance. Dying her hair was a big step forward in a direction where she felt some control finally settling back into her life. She's working in a career field she wanted to work in, she's upholding a lot of principles taught to her from her mother and her co-workers, but she's still not satisfied with how she's turned out.

This kind of got rambly and whatnot, BUT to sum it up: Jayden still does not like herself physically, but she is slowly starting to heal and feel more comfortable about her appearance. But for Jayden as a person? Her morals, her beliefs, her sense of self and sense of justice? She's very happy it never became as clouded or as dark as what she saw in her father. She knows she's better than him, and he's a good example of what Jayden never wants to become.))

[geminiamethyst]

Momoharu Week 2022. Day 5: Mastermind

Day 1: click HERE

Day 2: click HERE

Day 3: click HERE

Day 4: click HERE

Day 6: click HERE

Day 7: click HERE

Not particularly proud of this one but I hope you guys still like it.

Let’s just say that I’m probably NEVER going to write a Mastermind AU anytime soon XD

Maki didn’t know what she was doing. She was heading over to her Ultimate Lab to check on something before training. She started to make her way to the training area, when she caught sight of someone lurking in the hallways. She didn’t see their face, they had their back to her. They were wearing very concealing clothes so she couldn’t make out any features from the back. She didn’t understand why they would hide themselves like this. There shouldn’t be a reason. Right?

Ignoring a red flag, Maki stalked this stranger. They didn’t seem to think to that anyone would be following them. They were being careless. Maki watched them carefully from the shadows. They were heading to the girl’s bathroom. She waited around the owner for a bit. She tried to think of an innocent reason for this, but the longer she waited, the more suspicious she became. No one takes that long in the bathroom. The person didn’t seem sick. They walked like they were alright. Keeping silent, Maki crept in. If this person really was here for an innocent reason, then she’ll just move on from this.

There was just one problem.

Maki was the only person in there. She looked in each stall, all of them were unlocked, doors open ajar. Maki couldn’t have imagined what she had seen. She knows that she saw somebody walking around. She looked at the small cleaning closet by the cubicles after double checking them.

“This is stupid.” Maki muttered to herself. She felt like an idiot as she felt along the tiles, pressing on each one. It was like those cliche things that happen in cartoons or detective shows. It was a long shot. But when Maki reseed on a tile, there was a small click. The wall opened a little. After gently pushing it, it opened even more, showing a dark corridor. At this point, Maki should’ve gone to get Kaito and Shuichi, but she didn’t want to raise the alarm just yet. She had a feeling about this. Not good or bad. Just this feeling that she needs to investigate this more first.

She crept along the short hallway, the secret passageway closing behind her. She didn’t panic. She knows that she can get out when she needs to. She could see another door that was open ajar. Maki knows that she needed to be careful now. She didn’t know where she was going but she needed to do this. She carefully pushed the door open a little more, just big enough to squeeze through. She closed the door as well before ducking behind a box. She peeked out, squinting a little as she was met with light in a darkened room. Because it was quite dark, she could make out a desk, various monitors and…is that a Monokuma head in a glass case that had wires poking out of it? She could also see someone sitting in front of the monitors. She took a better look, seeing all the rooms in the Academy on each one.

Maki ducked behind the box as she realised where she was. She found the Mastermind. The one behind this sick and twisted game!

Maki didn’t have a plan. She only had one thing in mind. Kill the Mastermind. Once the Mastermind is gone, the game is over. Everyone can go home. This nightmare would finally be over. Taking a deep breath, Maki turned to look back at the person sitting down. Only, they weren’t there anymore.

Maki scanned the room. The Mastermind was gone. It was like she was the only person in the room. It was very eerie. As Maki was cursing herself for not keeping an eye on the Mastermind, she was starting to think about getting out to tell everyone.

That was the plan until Maki sensed a change behind her. She didn’t physically feel it, but she suddenly felt like someone was right behind her. She couldn’t react in time. Whoever it was that was behind her grabbed her the instant she sensed them. Maki pushed and pulled as furiously as she could. She tried to pry this person off of her. Her elbow made contact with the attacker’s abdomen. Aside from a grunt, they didn’t react much. From the sound of it, they could be male. Maki tried again, but the attacker had tightened their grip, almost like they were attempting to squeeze the life out of her. She suddenly felt something soft pressed against her mouth and nose. She could smell something sweet but by time she noticed that, it was already too late. In mere seconds, she was falling in a black void.

———————————————————————————

Maki didn’t know how long she had been out for. She just found herself waking up on a soft bed. It felt more comfortable than the one in her room. She was covered by warm sheets. Not quite what she was expecting. She remembers what happened before she passed out. She would’ve thought that she would be dead or sleep in less than suitable conditions. The Mastermind should have at least killed her by now. They shouldn’t have her try to escape to tell everyone what she had found. So why was she alive?

There was something else as well. There was this presence of someone being right next to her. The bed felt like it was dipped a little by her side. She stared blearily at who it was. Their shape was a little fuzzy, she couldn’t make out any of their features. She thought that she could hear them, but she couldn’t make out the words. It was like she was trying to listen to this person whilst being held underwater. She closed her eyes again, waiting for her senses to come back to her. She could hear a little better now. And she could feel this person brushing some hair back from her face. That was when she opened her eyes again. And she saw an all too familiar face.

“Kaito?” Maki croaked out, her throat unexpectedly dry. She tried to sit up, but gentle hands eased her to lie back down.

“Take it easy. You’ve been out of it for a while.” Kaito spoke softly as to not overwhelm Maki.

“What…where…” she tried to ask, but she couldn’t figure out why she should ask first. She tried again to sit up, but went too fast as she felt very dizzy again.

“Slow down a bit.” Kaito spoke softly again, helping her to be eased into a sitting position. “I was starting to think that you were given too much of that drug. I’m glad that you’re okay.”

Maki didn’t quite process what he said. Her brain wasn’t fully awake still. She tried to look around at the room that she had awoken in. It wasn’t her dorm. It was roughly the same size it seemed. There wasn’t much in this room either. There was only a bed, a bedside table with a lamp (which was currently turned on with a dim light) and a wardrobe. There weren’t any windows, only two doors. One to leave the room and the other presumably for a bathroom. It wasn’t exactly the best room in the world but Maki has slept in worse conditions. After glancing around the room, her mind finally caught up to the reality of the situation. What Kaito had said hit her like a freight train. He pretty much admitted that he was responsible for knocking her out. If that was the case then…

“You…you’re the mastermind? Aren’t you?” Maki asked, her voice hesitant to ask. She didn’t notice it until now. His clothes, they were different. They looked similar. The only thing was that his coat, pants and slippers were black, and he wore one white shirt. The inside of the coat was a blood red with a galaxy pattern. And his right eye had red eye shadow in the shape of Monokuma’s right the eye.

“Wait!” Kaito exclaimed, looking like he was caught out by her question. That was a conformation for Maki. She never felt so betrayed before in her life. Kaito was the first person that made her feel like she was becoming her own person. She felt like she could be herself the more she started to be with Kaito. Despite her dislike for him at the start, she truly believed that she started to care for him. He was the one person that offered her a chance after everyone found out her Ultimate Talent.

Without giving Kaito a chance to explain, Maki immediately punched him. As he was stunned, she shoved him away from her. As he landed on ground, Maki leapt from the bed. She stumbled a little but managed to run to the door. She turned the handle, pushed and pulled, but it wasn’t opening. She was about to charge into it so that she could try to break it down, when Kaito suddenly wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides.

“You traitor! Let me go!” Maki yelled, kicking the air as she was lifted off of the ground. How was Kaito this much stronger than her all of a sudden?! He pulled away from her when she punched him during the investigation of Tenko and Angie’s murder, all because he got scared by the mere thought of a “curse” looming around. She actually believed and felt like she was stronger than him. Had Kaito been holding back all this time?

Maki tried not to think about that. She kept thrashing as much as she could to get some leeway. However, that plan stopped short very quickly. Kaito had pulled out a cloth and covered her mouth and nose with it. Maki knew what was coming this time. She tried not to breathe. She kept trying to pull away, but without being able to breathe, it was a losing battle. After nearly a full minute, Maki was forced to give in. She was panting heavily. She couldn’t stop breathing in the sedative. She was blacking out fast. But before she lost consciousness, she heard Kaito say one thing:

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”

Why is he apologising? He’s the Mastermind…right?

———————————————————————————

Kaito watched as Maki’s eyes flickered closed. She went limp again, just like when he caught her before. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. He didn’t want this. All that he wanted was for this to be over already. He was told to kill Maki the second she was discovered here. The damn bear said that if Kaito didn’t do anything, then the Mastermind would do it themselves. Kaito begged the bear to give him some time. He didn’t want to lose Maki. He didn’t want to lose his sidekick. She was too important to him. He’s only got a limited amount of time to convince Maki to join him and the Mastermind. If he doesn’t, then he’ll lose her.

And he can’t let one secret get out as to why he was doing this. He shuddered as he remembered how the bear just suddenly showed up, knocked him and rocked him to wake up here. And how the Mastermind threatened hm to join them. He just wishes how he shouldn’t have agreed to this. He’ll never shake off this regret.

Gently, Kaito picked her up and placed her back on the bed. Her face was still tense after what had happened. She’s not going to be please when she wakes up. He should’ve done it earlier but he didn’t want to scare Maki right away. Now he doesn’t have a choice. He pulled out a set of handcuffs and cuffed one of her hands to the bed frame. This is only temporary. Once she’s calmed down enough to listen, he take the cuffs off.

“Please forgive me.” Kaito whispered, brushing some strands of hair away from Maki’s face. Maki seemed to look more relaxed at that action, but he couldn’t be sure. He gave her a small peck on the cheek before leaving her. Maybe she just needs some time to calm down more. And he needs to rethink a couple of things. Kaito tried to get his head on straight as he locked the door behind, when he found Monokuma standing right in front of him.

“Well? Is she joining us?” He asked, sounding excited. If only Kaito could wipe that stupid permanent grin off his face.

“She will eventually.” Kaito shrugged, doing his best to make it look like nothing was wrong.

“You do realise that we might have to kill her, right?” Monokuma growled, unsheathing his claws.

“Give me time! I’ll get her to change her mind!” Kaito begged, his eyes going wide in fright. He can’t lose her! He can’t lose Maki! She’s the reason why he hasn’t lost his mind already!

“You better hurry up then before people realise that she’s missing.” Monokuma scowled. Kaito was about to protest when he felt a familiar pain in his chest. His hand shot up to his mouth as he started coughing. He felt something warm and wet in his palm as he could smell and taste something like copper. “By the way, tick tock! You’re running, out of time!”

[feminineenergy2024]

My Journey Through Life

As the semester comes to an end I have experienced deeper emotions along side with Art and all it's beauty. I have been more aware of certain art comes in many forms of expressions, creative skill and imagination. To me art also comes from emotional power it’s a feeling you get when looking at a picture or hearing a song. This semester has taught me really how tough I really am from juggling work full time, school full time and being a new mom full time. None of this was easy but looking at my son made it worth wild Being a new mom means everything changes. From the time you find out you’re pregnant your whole mindset changes. I say embarrassing self love because you have to learn to love yourself all over again while trying to figure out how to be a mother, a wife, a student coming out of postpartum depression.

The assignment where we had to chose a painting that we can relate too. She is me that painting she looked sad but also she is strong enough to still have a positive mind to keep watering herself to become a better version of herself. With the flowers growing on her head it symbolizes that she is finding peace, joy and love again. She is putting herself through the ring to find that once more. As she tries to put herself together it’s not easy it’s draining but the journey is worth it. I say she is me because this art describes a lot about me when really looking at it on a deeper level. That art work was very important and personal to me and let me tell you why. This last year have been the most challenging for me. I say this last year because not only did I become a mother I became a new women. When we go through life being careless and free you have a different outlook on life which was me. I was always so happy, goofy, not really taking things too serious. I went through life so freely not having a care in the world to now being worried, scared, anxious and depressed. Depression was one of my biggest emotion and I didn’t understand why.

After doing many assignments for this class I've learned a great deal of art it made me look at the city I live in differently for insist What I think about the sculpture assignment it says a lot about our community and we as a community are strong and we stand together. For example when we to hit the Hurricane Ian it was a scary time. But at the same time I was so proud of our community and how we help each other restore the community to us our community is important and everyone around volunteered and worked together. Living in Florida I haven’t really got he chance to know it’s history and it’s beautiful art work.

My interests are still history, society and politics and what I mean by that is when we look at our world today it all goes back in time. That I feel as if we are paying for it today. Our history is very important to learn about because as more time goes on more is being exploited. As our society now we are glued to our phones which is a good thing because now everything that’s happening in the world is being recognized through social media and politics are being shown more than ever now. As a society we are very much involved in the political world fighting for rights and freedom.

Learning about having a domestic space is a space were the home is distant and private space now the photos I chose where photos of my mother’s home. I choose my mothers home because the home is a domestic space that I believe it does serve its purpose as a domestic space. These songs I chose have a special meaning and emotional connection. And all while living in that home is where i remember these songs. These songs played at some point in my life that make me reflect on the good times in my life. They bring out my personality, my interests and my mood. I feel like when listening to certain music it bring out a joyous moment. If you noticed the songs I chose have kind of the same rhythm most of it county with a kick and rock. This final song I chose is a song that brought my mother and I closer together we would sing this song together. I also grew up with Dolly always playing in my living room. As well as makes you want to put on your dancing shoes and start dancing.

Seeing how fast the first year went and how much we have both learned from each other. As fast as he has grown I feel like I've grown with him. Capturing them moments we will never get back. I can't believe how big he is and the fact that he is starting to walk It reminds me when I see him trying to find his balance that, that's what life is essentially trying to balance yourself through out life and that is what he will be experiencing trying to figure life out.

Thank you Professor for a great semester!

[dearfeathers--lovelaz]

To My Dearest Feathers,

I don't know why I'm doing this. Why I made a tumblr specifically for this. Why I'm addressing this journal to you. I guess it's just easier to write things down when I pretend somebody still cares enough to read it. And considering most of the stuff on my mind recently is you, your name just kind of became the default.

I probably shouldn't even address it as 'my' dearest Feathers... You aren't mine anymore, after all. Doesn't change the fact that you're still the dearest thing to me, though. It's been a month and a half since you left and yet you still effect everything I do. Everything I think.

Everything just makes me sad now. There isn't a part of my life you didn't touch. I can't even finish watching Gravity Falls or Adventure Time. Can't listen to The Adventure Zone. Can't bring myself to listen to The Magnus Protocol, simply because you were the entire reason I even listened to The Magnus Archives in the first place. I've been trying to watch Hazbin Hotel but honestly that somehow reminds me of you, too. Even animals make me sad now...

Work has been... stressful. I nearly lost my job the day you left. I couldn't focus enough to hit the target productivity. I've finally managed to get it above goal the past couple of weekends, but it was difficult. You were always good at hyping me up and making me proud of my accomplishments... Now it's just another day at work.

I've lost some weight. I guess that's a good thing. I don't know if it's due to all of the walking at work, or because I cut back on soda and have been drinking more water, or if it's honestly just the stress. But I hope it's not the last one. You would've been proud of me, I hope...

I bought myself a giant stuffed animal for Valentine's Day. The tag said it's a brown dog, but I personally think it's a fox, and everyone who's seen it agrees. I hope it's a fox, anyway... Then I can pretend it doesn't remind me of Alouis sometimes. It was a treat for myself... something I can snuggle without constantly thinking of you. I haven't bothered to name it. You were always better at coming up with names for them...

Amy won't come out of her room. I don't really blame her. The one time she did she ended up seeing a post of artwork of Lois Lane and Superman... Needless to say she went back inside and hasn't come out since. Andy's making sure she still takes care of herself... Not like they're doing the same for themselves.

I hope you're doing well. I really do. Sometimes I wonder if you ever actually loved me... If you ever even cared at all. Honestly I'm kind of hoping you didn't... I wouldn't wish this heartache on you. Is that stupid of me? To hope that you leaving didn't also hurt you, like it did me? Am I supposed to be angry at you for leaving? I guess I am, sometimes... But more often than not I'm just sad, or numb. I just wish I could stop crying. Could enjoy the things I used to, without remembering that you are the reason I even partook in them. But it isn't that simple to move on. To forget.

Anyway... I doubt you'll ever see this. But if you do, you can always come back. You know me... I'm a bleeding heart. I will always be here when you need me. You know where to find me if you change your mind.

Love Always,

Laz

February 29th, 2024

[emoverted]

back to the streets where we began

Me? On Tumblr? In 2024?

Feels like it was just yesterday I patiently waited for Tumblr to be unblocked in Indonesia. The app wandered aimlessly on the phone of a 12-year-old me, just like herself, in the world supposed to be her's from her eyes. With little hope, the app soon came to life and became her world. No, she did not post anything unlike now, but being an observer was enough. Fandom after fandom and phase after phase (feels weird saying those words in 2024), she dived through in the pursuit of exploring herself continuously. While I can't say those days were the best (who would you be proud of their edgy phase?), they did bring me to the person I am today. I still am the same old flawed me, or as I would like to call myself on this site back in the day, potato. But I can safely say my approach in life has greatly differed. Again, not to say I am already living my fullest and best life. In fact, I wouldn't necessarily call it life if I'm fulfilled. Instead, I choose and am trying my best to view both the good and the bad things in life as equal. I'm grateful for the good days, but I'm even more grateful for the bad days. There has to be a deeper meaning when things don't go our way and I aspire to explore that more this year. As I've said, no matter how much I cringe in the remembrance of my Tumblr days, they undeniably shape my present self, and it's the same for other fragments of my past. Just now I realized how I've been lying to myself. I thought I'd put my past behind me, forgiven my younger, dazed, and clueless self when deep down, I still hold a grudge against her. Through this brand new year, I hope to slowly make sense of her wrong choices in order to make peace with my current self.

Well, that was a mouthful. Now as to why I decided that now is the right time for me to post the randomness inside my head in Tumblr specifically, out of all places. Surprise surprise, I've tried posting on more professional sites, I'll let you guess them yourself. But what I realized is it pressured me to publish eloquently written essays, having gone through the tiring process of drafting, editing, and proofreading, all leading up to the final flawless essay. The topic itself should also be something other people would be drawn into. These factors led me to dread what was supposed to be a reflective routine. I know I've loved writing ever since the day I could, but structures and all that jazz are not exactly my cup of tea, although I sometimes unashamedly enjoy the art of writing academic essays and papers. Nevertheless, it's not like I would willingly create a habit out of it. Long story short, I rekindled with Tumblr and realized that its format is just right for me to create as many mistakes as I could within my writings without the guilt following it. Besides, striving for progress and not perfection is on my bucket list, as a self-proclaimed perfectionist procrastinator. Anyway, I shall pour out from the tidbits to the very depths of my mind here with all of its nonsense. But when I do feel extra special for specific writing, I might publish it on those so-called professional sites. In the meantime, I hope you survive being exposed to my messy thoughts.